"If I'm Still Welcome"

Author: A. Price
Email: andramichelle@yahoo.com
Notes: Memories in ###

1

2

"Mama!"

Dawn Summers Jacobs looked up from the back porch and smiled at the little boy in the sandbox. He was holding a bucket in one hand and grinning as the sand emptied from it into a messy sand mountain.

"Nice, Will." She smiled at the little boy. He was absolutely precious and she couldn't imagine life without him or his daddy, Jordan. As Will went back to his work in the sand box she rifled through the stack of mail in her lap.

The old fashioned handwriting immediately caught her eye, she anxiously tore open the letter and began to read the familiar writing. Dawn had not seen Spike in three years, he had come through town and stopped by to see her and Jordan. Buffy had been in England at the time staying with Giles. Dawn could still hear Buffy trying to hide her dissappointment when Dawn told her that Spike had come by. Every so often Dawn got a note from the wayward vampire - just a hello and never a return address. He didn't know about the baby that she had named after him. She reread the note,

Niblet,

I will be in Sunnydale on the 21st, I'll come by and visit. If I'm still welcome that is. See you soon, Spike

If he was still welcome! Of course he was welcome, he was going to be so surprised to meet Will. Jordan hadn't questioned why Dawn wanted to name their son after her sisters strange ex boyfriend. All he knew was that during the time after Dawn's mom had died that Spike - William had been there for her and Buffy. And if he wondered more about the relationship between Buffy and Spike he never asked. Dawn was very thankful for her understanding husband.

"Time to go in." Dawn called to the dark haired child in the sandbox, "Daddy will be home soon and we need to start supper." She took the little boys hand and led him in to the house.

"Daddy?" Will questioned as his mom washed his chubby hands.

"I bet thats him." Dawn smiled as she heard the front door open.

"Dawn, Will." Jordan called as he walked towards the kitchen. He kissed his wife's cheek and leaned down to pick up his son. "How's my boy?"

"Sand." Will grinned at his daddy.

"You played in the sand box? Oh, big fun." His daddy kissed the top of his head as he sat him back down. He turned to Dawn, "And how was your day?"

"Good. I got a note from Spike, he'll be coming by tomorrow. And since he's like clockwork it will be tomorrow night." Dawn giggled - Jordan knew nothing of Spike's sun allergy.

"Thats nice, we haven't seen him for what? Three years now?" Jordan began to help with the salad as Will sat in the kitchen floor playing with tupperware.

"Yeah. I think I'm going to invite Buffy for supper. That okay?"

"Of course, I love your sister we don't see her enough. But... how will she react to Spike?" Jordan raised his eyebrows at his wife.

Dawn looked at the pot on the stove avoiding his eyes, "Oh, she'll be ... okay with it."

"Are you sure? I get the feeling there is lots of story there that I don't know." He placed a hand on Dawn's shoulder.

She turned to smile at him, "It's time they faced each other, it'll be okay."

He kissed her cheek, "Okay, I trust you. But I have seen Buffy's temper and it's not pretty. Remember the caterer at out wedding when they screwed up the hor douerve order. She went off on him." He shuddered and frowned at the memory.

"Well she wanted it perfect for us." Dawn shook her head remembering Buffy's words, 'I only want this to be perfect for you Dawnie, you get to have the perfect life!' Buffy had left the words unsaid but Dawn could still hear them in her own mind, " the perfect life I'll never have."

So Buffy had given Dawn the perfect wedding then gone off to England to stay and study with Giles for two years. She had moved home last year a few months after Will's birth and opened her own book shop - yes Buffy Summers owned a bookstore. Who would have thought? Buffy had a good head for business, she was a caring sister, a doting woman and sadly a lonely woman. Dawn worried about her older sister constantly. She didn't know all of the details of Buffy and Spike's relationship, but even all those years ago as young as she was she could sense that they had become close - then suddenly Spike had left town. She still remembered that last visit before he left.

###

"Niblet, I've got to go. Buffy's back and you really don't need me around anymore. It's whats best for all of us."

"I don't want you to go. Buffy doesn't want you to go."

"I wish I could stay, lil bit, I really do. But it's not gonna happen. Give ol' Spike a hug and I'll be on my way." He had hugged her tightly to him and she swore his eyes had been misty. "I'll write." And then he was gone.

She found out later that he had left a note for Buffy without saying goodbye. Buffy had put on quite a brave front. "I'm glad he's gone." She said the words repeatedly but they never sounded convincing to Dawn. And the fact that sometimes late at night Dawn would peek in her sister's room and find her reading the worn note and crying just confirmed Dawn's feeling that so much more had gone on between her sister and the vampire then anyone knew.

###

"Juice?" Will pulled at his mom's leg shaking her away from her memories.

"Yes, sweetie. here is some juice." She handed the sippie cup to the little boy and ran a hand through his hair.

Jordan changed and came back down to the kitchen, "So are you going to call, Buffy?"

"Yeah, if you'll set the table. I'll do it now." Dawn picked up the phone.

"Are you telling her that Spike will here?"

"No, I dont' think thats a good idea." Dawn dialed the number as Jordan shook his head and sighed. The phone rang three times before Dawn heard Buffy's hello on the other end.

"Buffy, it's me. Jordan and I were just thinking that maybe you should come over for supper tomorrow night. It's been along time and Will misses his Aunt Buffy."

---

Buffy lay her mail on the counter top and sat on the barstool, "Sure, Dawn that sounds nice. I've got to get some stuff done so I'll see you tomorrow. Love you, bye." Buffy hung up the phone and picked up the mail again a postcard fluttered to the countertop. The writing was achingly familiar, she took a deep breath as she began to read the words.

Buffy,

I'll be in town on the 21st. I would like to see you - if I'm still welcome.

Spike

---

She lay the card down on the counter and closed her eyes - she was 10 years younger and confused, scared and in great denial over her feelings for Spike. He had left her with only a note claiming he loved her more then anything and that he couldn't bear to be around her any longer knowing she would never admit her feelings for him. She still read the note even now, she had tried really hard to date other men, it had never happened and she spend many nights crying over the one who got away. She picked the card up again and reread the short message. How did he get her address anyway? She shook her head this was Spike, there was no telling how he had found her address.

He wanted to see her, why? Was it to tell her that he was finally over her? Maybe a new woman had taken over his life? Good, good. he deserved that, she had not been able to give him that, she's only realized that she truly loved him after he had gone and then she had not even tried to find him for fear he would laugh in her face - tell her it was too late. Her pride had stood in her way of looking for him.

Buffy poured herself a glass of wine and curled up on the couch still holding the postcard. The doorbell rang and she silently cursed whoever was interrupting her broody moment. Sighing she stood and answered the door, her eyes were wide as she realized who stood outside her door. "Sp... ike?"

He stood outside the door, his trademark smirk on his handsome face. "Slayer, never knew you to stutter." He still wore his infamous duster, but over blue jeans and a simplel white shirt.

Buffy finally spoke, "It's only the 20th. You said the 21rst." Stupid, Buffy, how stupid is that to say to him the first time you see him in ten very long years.

"Yeah, well you know me." He smiled a genuine smile at her and his blue eyes twinkled. "You gonna invite me in?"

"Well, yes... Spike...come in." Buffy spoke the words softly as she opened the door further for him to enter.

He walked in and looked around the small but neat apartment. "Nice place, you got here. Live alone?" He asked curiously.

"If that is your subltle way of asking if I'm involved with someone - no I'm not." She lowered her head for a moment at his stare, "Would you like a glass of wine? I'm having one."

"Sure, that would be nice." He answered, his courage ebbing away as he looked at her closely. Still as beautiful as ever.

"Sit down, I'll be right back." She walked into the kitchen and took a deep breath, the accent, the hair, the eyes, the lips... still the same gorgeous Spike who found new ways to infuriate and satisfy in the same hour. Whoa - no going there.

Spike sat down on the couch and tried to calm himself, she was in the other room, Buffy the girl of his dreams just a few yards away. He closed his eyes and remembered.

###

Dreaming, Dreaming, I'm dreaming. His mind was fuzzy as he lay on the basement floor of an abandoned house - he was nude and a small nude body lay against him. The were lying on his duster covered by a piece of leather? Her skirt? He was almost afraid to open his eyes and look at her - if he acknowledged she was there would it all end?

He turned ever so slightly, ever so gently so he wouldn't wake her. He just wanted to watch her sleep there beside him. She looked exhausted but a small smile tugged at her mouth even in sleep. He hadn't seen many of those lately so he was putting that in the memory book he had stored in his head of this night. He knew sure as the sun rose she was going to start with regret and denial.

So he began to store memories before that happened. The sound of his zipper going down, the feel of her as she lowered herself, the look in her eyes -a mix of lust and disbelief at what she was doing. The way she kept her eyes even with his, the taste of her lips, of her neck, the way she never broke contact as they fell to the basement floor.

The way her small hands roamed his body as if she knew every curve of it and how now she did know its every curve intimately and he knew hers. The look on her face at that intense moment, her eyes closed, mouth open in a sensual moan. Her shallow panting when they finished the first time and he was sure the night was over. But instead she tugged insistently at his clothing and quickly shed hers as he lay out the duster beneath them.

The following morning had brought the inevitable accusations and denial - he had held up his end of the argument well, matching her insult for insult, never showing how much he was hurting. It happened like that several times before he finally had given up on her ever admitting her feelings and left Sunnydale for a less painful place to live. *

Spike sighed as he listened to Buffy in the kitchen. He had never managed to find that less painful place, every where he had wandered held something that reminded him of her, a gorgeous blond somewhere, an overheard smart alec comment in a club, mostly it was the couples he saw on his journeys that made him think of her, people in love, holding hands, stealing a kiss on a crowded street or in the corner of a dark club. He had tried to wash away the pain of loving her by finding someone else - meaningless relationships that lasted a couple nights and never ever helped with the pain, only adding to it as he realized he was doomed to love her and her alone - forever. Thats when he had made his first visit to Sunnydale - the excuse was to see Niblet, not much of an excuse he truly did want to see the Niblet, he missed her almost as much as her older sister. He had hid his dissappointment very well from Dawn when she had told him Buffy was in England. Probably better off not seeing her, could only lead to more heartache for him. He heard Buffy coming towards the living room, why the hell am I here?

---

Buffy took her time getting Spike's wine. She was putting off being in the same room with him, he scared her and intimidated her more then any creature she had ever fought - because he knew her better. She could never hide anything from him, he could see right through her and had called her on her stubborness on more then one occassion .

###* "Admit it." Spike's low voice hummed just over her ear as one hand made lazy circles on her bare tummy.

"No. Spike - not tonight. Don't ruin it, please." Buffy had tried to change the subject by directing his attention elsewhere. She leaned forward and kissed him passionately. It usually worked - he would give in, they would make love and he would leave the subject of love and feelings alone. But not tonight... tonight she was surprised when he sat up in the bed and pushed her away.

"No, not this time, Buffy. This time I need something from you - I don't ever ask for much." His eyes were sad as she watched his expression change from lustful to thoughtful.

"Spike... " She knew he was telling the truth, he didn't ask for much, just the one thing she couldn't bear to give him. If she gave him her love it meant that she could get hurt all over again and that was never gonna happen to Buffy Anne Summers again.

"You are so damn stubborn, can't admit you do have feelings, can't admit this is more then a stress reliever for you." He had stood then and finding his pants pulled them on hastly, "I just want that one damn crumb, I've been waiting for and I just realized it's never gonna come is it? NEVER" He had marched out of her room before she could find the right words to say to make him stay. And the next day his note had been delivered - he left Sunnydale without saying goodbye. And her heart broke in two.

###

Buffy sniffed back a tear, she would not cry in front of him, she would not let him see how much he affected, *still* affected her. Carrying his wineglass in one hand and the bottle in the other she pasted on a smile and walked into her living room. "Here you go." She continued to smile as she sat down next to him on the couch.

"Thanks." He told her as he took a sip of the sweet wine.

"So, umm... how have you been?" Buffy sipped her own wine as she waited for his answer.

"Good. Traveled quite a bit. Understand you did some traveling too. 'Bit said you had been to England and stayed with Giles for quite a while." He smiled at her and she took a closer look at his mouth, those lips that had brought forth some of the most hurtful comments she had ever heard yet could also bring the most pleasure she could ever remember.

"Yes, I spent some time with Giles, he helped me alot- helped me learn alot about myself and about the business world. I have my own book store now."

"Yeah, I heard that." He didn't explain how he had actually paid someone at Willy's for the information earlier that evening. "Slayer running a store - Anya would be proud." He laughed softly.

Buffy joined in his laughter and felt compelled to touch him in some small way, just to feel the smooth cooleness of his skin again under the warmth of hers. She gently lay her hand on his arm in an innocent show of affection and giggled again, "Anya was so proud she sent me a frame for my first dollar earned."

"So how is she? And Xander?" His smile warmed at her touch on his arm.

"They are great, they live in Seattle now. Xander writes for a newspaper there. Three kids and a dog." She moved her hand from his arm and leaned back into the couch, "They are very happy - who would have thought?"

"I'm surprised they left Sunnydale - you know fighting the good fight and all that rot." He took another sip of his wine.

"Well they tried to stay, but once they had children what had seemed noble at first, just seemed foolish and dangerous." Buffy sighed.

"And they weren't destined to do it - like you?" Spike added a bit of sadness in his voice.

Buffy sighed again, "Nope, no sacred duty for them. But thats okay, I don't begrudge them their happiness. at all."

"How bout Red and Tara?" He asked curiously.

"Believe it or not Willow and Oz found each other about three years ago and they are together in San Francisco, he still dabbles in music and Willow teaches at a High School there." Buffy smiled when she remembered her last visit with them.

"The wolf found his witch again. Kind of romantic in a hellmouth way." Spike spoke the words softly. "but what of Tara?"

"Oh she's happy in Memphis, TN. She has significant other who doesn't have a clue about werewolves and witches, she runs a health food store. I guess that covers everyone." Buffy finished her wine and poured herself another glass and tipped the bottle towards Spike, he nodded his head and watched her pour the liquid into his glass.

"Not quite... the LA gang? Cordelia and Peaches?" He raised his eyes as he said Peaches.

"Cordelia married some celebrity lawyer about five years ago. Angel... I"m not sure I guess he is still running his business and taking care of his son. I really haven't talked to him much over the last few years. There just hasn't been a reason." Buffy studied her fingernails as Spike took this in.

"Wait a minute... Peaches has a son? How?"

"Long story that involves Darla and I really don't want to be the one to tell it, okay?" Buffy gave him a small smile.

"Yeah, but I'm gonna have to have the NIblet fill me in on that one." He shook his head, "Angel, Darla and a kid?"

"Okay,my turn. How bout Dru?" She asked rolling her eyes.

"Dunno, havent' seen her since that last time in Sunnydale, when I... " He suddenly stopped midsentence, no reason to bring that up now.

"Since you had me in chains and she tried to kill me?" Buffy finished for him.

"Uh...yeah that was it I believe." He replied sheepishly.

"It's okay, Spike. It's water under the bridge. Two old friends can bring up stuff like that." She was staring at him again and he couldn't seem to break eye contact with her.

"Is that what we are? Two old friends?" He asked his voice rough.

"Well, yes we are." She cleared her throat and continued to look intently at him.

It happened so suddenly that neither of them could say who made the first move. Lips touched lips and small hands moved over high cheekbones as larger ones ran through long golden hair, as if they not been apart for ten years.

Buffy was the first to pull back for a needed breath. She grinned when she saw the frightned look on Spike's face. "I need a breath, I don't have a stake hidden."

He relaxed then and reached to cup her cheek with his hand, he leaned towards her and rested his forehead against hers, "I missed you." He whispered feathersoft against her skin.

"I missed you too." She sighed against him, "I missed this." She kissed him again, "And this." She ran her hand over his chest.

"Me too." He returned the kisses as they became more frantic, "And this," He nibbled lightly on her neck as her hands wandered even farther down to rest on his belt.

"And I really missed this." She laughed softly as her hand found the zipper and pulled it down.

"Oh yeah... " Her warm hand was on him in a swift motion and he was drowning in her all over again. He felt the pressure of her hand and groaned, she smiled at the sound before his lips claimed hers once again.

They were totally lost in the sensations of each other when Buffy felt Spike pull back. "No." He shook his head and frowned. "I'm sorry. But I won't do this again. Not this way, hurts too damn much." He stood up and tucked himself in, pulling up his zipper.

"What?" Buffy looked confused.

"I want to make love to you more then anything in the world. I haven't seen you for ten bloody years and I just want to fall right back into your bed and forget that you don't care enough to admit you even have feelings for me. Can't do it, Buffy. Won't do it. This was a mistake." He ran a hand through his hair and walked towards the front door.

"Spike, wait!" Buffy stood suddenly, it was now or never - could she do it?

He turned sharply, "What?"

"I love you." She said the words softly.

He walked towards her, "What did you say?"

"I said I love you." She said the words louder this time with conviction.

"It took you this long to figure that out?" He shook his head and sighed.

"No, I've known for about ten years now." She replied chewing on he bottom lip.

"Why didn't you try to find me?" He asked his voice touched with anger.

"I couldn't - I was scared, stupid. I don't know, but I do love you." She winced at the pained look on his face, "I'm so sorry that I couldn't say it before."

"Do you mean it? I mean are you willing to go public with it? Xander isn't going to make it easy even all these years later and Giles? " He took a step closer to her and touched her arm.

"Yes - I'll go call him now if you want. But please do not leave me tonight." She pleaded with him at this very moment she meant it, she would do whatever he wanted her to do.

"Just tonight?" He looked at her unsure.

"Tonight, tomorrow night and every night after that. Stay here... with me." She leaned against his hard chest and breathed in his familiar and comforting scent.

---

Spike's thoughts told him to slow down, she wasn't thinking clearly, it would be a repeat of ten years ago in the morning. But his emotions and his body screamed STAY. He pulled her close to him and kissed her hard on the lips. She gave back as good as she got, winding her hands in his hair as she returned his hard kisses. He picked her up as he stood ever so carefully, grunting one word, "Bedroom?"

She pulled away from him long enough to point down the hallway, "First door on the left."

In mere seconds he had reached his destination. The room was simple, decorated mainly with pretty framed photos of her family and friends. The bed was inviting with a cozy quilt and muslin bedskirt covered in pillows of every shape and size, a threadbare Mr. Gordo peeked out from the pillows. Spike held back a laugh as he gently lay Buffy down on the bed and moved the small stuffed pig to the dresser, turning back to her with one arm he scooted all of the extra pillows to the floor.

She smiled at him from the bed and beckoned him towards her with her index finger. He quickly joined her on the bed running his hand under her blouse and revelling in the warmth he found there. She smiled sweetly as she began ot slowly unbutton his shirt, he removed his hands from her warmth long enough to tangle with hers as he tried to unbutton her blouse too. They giggled at the awkwardness, then kissed again. Soon both were fully undressed lying side by side, taking the other in. Buffy suddenly became shy, "I'm older now, so I look a little different."

He kissed the tip of her nose, "You." He kissed her forehead. "look." He landed on he lips again, "Beautiful."

He proved to her just how beautiful she was to him and how much she meant to him over and over again, until both were too exhausted to speak and had fallen asleep with satisfied smiles on their faces. He woke at noon to find her still curled against him, smiling as she watched him sleep, the postcard he had sent her curled in her hand.. "Good morning." She leaned over and kissed him softly.

"Morning." He nodded towards the card, "Something interesting in that card?" He smirked.

"Well yeah, I was just rereading it and the answer is yes." She grinned at him.

"Answer to what?" He sat up and put his arm around her shoulder.

"I think you are definitely still welcome." She giggled as he rolled his eyes at her, "I have to go to work now, I called this morning and said I would be late." She stood up and went towards the bathroom, "You can stay here. Dawn invited me for dinner tonight, do you want to go?"

"Sure, that would be great. I was planning on seeing Niblet and whats his name tonight anyway." Spike stood and began to look for his clothes.

"His name is Jordan you know that and you can see Will too!" She called from the bathroom as she turned on the water.

"Will?" Spike asked as he made his way to the bathroom.

"Yeah, Dawn's little boy, Will." Buffy stepped into the shower.

"Dawn has a little boy?" He asked through the shower curtain.

Buffy peeked around the curtain her hair soapy with shampoo, "Didn't you know? Will is about 18 months old. Smart little guy and guess who he is named after?"

"Will is short for... William?" Spike's mouth dropped open, "She named him after me?"

"Yes, and me. William Andrew, Andrew was as close to Anne as she could get. He's adorable." Buffy went back to her shower as Spike left the bathroom to find the rest of his clothes and find something to eat even if it was of the non corpuscular variety.

Buffy found him in the kitchen eating a bowl of Fruit loops and a glass of orange juice. She kissed him soundly before she left, "I'll be home by five."

&&&

Spike spent the day watching tv and looking at the books on Buffy's shelves, He was the happiest he had been in years. When Buffy came home they would go to Dawn's and let them know about them - they would truly be a couple then. He had a goofy grin on his face at the thought of finally having her.

Buffy entered the bookshop with a goofy grin of her own plastered across her pretty face.

"Miss. Summers you look nice today." Albert commented as she unlocked her small office.

"Thanks Albert!" Buffy replied as she sat down to look over her inventory books. In a few short hours she would be able to go home and be with Spike again. She leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes letting the memories of last night wash over her.

She and Spike would go to Dawn's tonight and they would... wait maybe it wasn't such a good idea to spring this on Dawn like this... she was gonna find it odd that all of a sudden they were together she was gonna ask questions about the past. Questions Buffy wasn't sure she wanted to answer, did she want Dawn to know how badly she had hurt Spike back then? Suddenly her stomach was full of big butterflies - no not butterflies - ugly moths thats what must be fluttering in her stomach.

The day was soon over and Buffy went home feeling a mixture of excitement and dread. Spike wasn't going to like keeping this from Dawn. She unlocked the front door and found him sitting on the couch looking at a photo album. It had pictures of Dawn and Jordan and Will in it along with the old Scooby Gang.

"Wow, the gang still looks good! And Dawn's little one is a handsome little tyke." Spike told her as she sat down next to him. "Can't wait to see him. Can't wait to see Niblet either, so much to tell her." He whispered into her neck as he ran light kisses up and down her throat.

"Ummmm... about that Spike. I mean I am not ashamed of us - I'm not." Buffy started then stopped when she saw the hurt in his eyes.

"But?" He asked softly. Here it comes... Spike you foolish idiot, she's had time to think about it.

"But, I don't know if we should throw this all at her at once. She's gonna aske questions about the past." Buffy averted her eyes from his hurt gaze.

"So, we tell her what happened, we tell her you were scared and I wasn't brave enough to wait around for you." Spike replied matter of factly.

"I'm not sure I want her to know everything." Buffy murmered softly.

'You know what, fine. We'll go together tonight as friendly Buffy and Spike." He stood up and reached for his duster. "Are you ready, lets get this over with."

"Spike, I don't want you angry." Buffy stood and walked with him to the door.

"I'm not angry." He said soflty with resignation in his voice.

The drive to Dawn's house was a quiet one. Dawn answered the door in shock, "You came together?" She grinned brightly as she ushered them into the house.

Buffy turned to Spike and pleaded with her eyes, Spike spoke first. "Buffy saw me walking and picked me up. it was quite a surprise for both of us." He turned to see Buffy sighing with relief a smile sent his way.

"Yeah, couldn't believe it was Spike, but here he is - same hair, same duster." She walked into the living room and sat down beside Will on the couch.

Spike stood in the living room awkardly as Jordan said hello and took his coat. Dawn picked up her son and carried him over to Spike. "This is your namesake, William Andrew." The little boy reached over and touched Spike's nose, he giggled when Spike wrinkled it at him.

"I'm not sure what to say, Niblet. He's beautiful." Spike ran his hand through the chubby toddlers dark hair and sat down beside Buffy on the couch.

After a good dinner and lots of catching up Buffy offered to get the coffee from the kitchen while Dawn and Jordan put Will to bed. Spike joined her in the kitchen. "So when do you think she'll be ready to know, Buffy?" l "I don't know, Spike.Soon." She busied herself with the cups and saucers.

"Buffy... " Spike put his hand on her arm and turned her towards him, "I don't want to hide."

"I don't either." She reassured him as she poured the coffee into the cups. When she was done pouring, she reached for him and pulled him into a passionate kiss - full of longing and full of promise of things to come. He returned the kiss greedily enjoying every moment of it - until she jerked away suddently at the sound of someone entering the kitchen.

"He's all tucked in. Need some help?" Dawn asked the couple in the kitchen.

"No, we're okay. I'm gonna raid your cookie stash and we'll be in with the coffee in a minute." Buffy smiled brightly at her younger sister.

"Okay." Dawn turned and left them alone in the kitchen again.

"So is this what you want Buffy? Do you just want to sneak around forever, forbidden kisses in the kitchen? Maybe a bit of necking in the closet? I don't want that! I want you out in the open. Tell you what - I'm gonna go now - I'll see you in another ten years - we can have an anniversary shag!"

"Spike! That's not fair." Buffy's eyes were filling with tears.

He was not gonna let her get to him. "How many decades you think we have to look forward to? Huh Slayer how many anninversary shags before some one sneaks in and has his good day." The words sounded harsh to him as he spit them out at her.

The look on her face broke his heart, she sat down the tray and went to the back door, "Tell Dawn I had to go, tell her I had to patrol or something." She was out the door before he could get his snappy comeback out.

"I didn't mean it, Buffy. I didn't mean it." He spoke to closing door.

Dawn entered the kitchen her face the picture of worry, "Where is Buffy?"

"She left."

"Where did she go, Spike? What happened?"

"Said something about patrol." Spike answered and he sounded lame even to himself.

"What happened Spike? And I don't mean just now, I mean what happened between you two all those years ago. It's time someone told the truth." Dawn stared at him with what Buffy would call Willow's resolve face.

He slumped against the counter, "You think she'll be okay out there?"

"She'll be fine, she can take care of herself, she's been doing in a long time now." Dawn sighed, "Now, I want to hear the whole story."

"Better find a comfy seat, Lil bit cause this is a doozy of a story." Spike followed Dawn back into the living room.

Dawn sat down on the couch as Jordan entered the room. "Dawn, I hate to do this, but I'm gonna say my goodnights. I have to be at work early in the morning."

"I understand, sweetie. Buffy had to leave and Spike and I are just gonna play some more catch up." Dawn smiled at her husband.

Jordan kissed her forehead, "You can fill me in later." He whispered before he extended his hand to Spike, "Nice seeing you again, Spike. Goodnight."

"Same to you, Jordan. You're doing a good job of taking care of Niblet and the little niblet too." Spike shook Jordans hand. "He's a good man, Dawn."

"Yes, he really is. Much more understanding then I deserve sometimes." She replied with a smile. "Now I believe you have a story to tell me."

Spike took a deep breath and shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Okay, you know enough about Buffy and I to know I've loved her for a long time now."

"Yes, I knew that. So you still love her then?"

"Well of course, I'm always gonna love her." Spike answered as if it had been the stupidest question ever asked of him.

Dawn giggled slightly, reminding him of Buffy's giggle, "I just wanted to make sure the two of you didn't argue because you had a new Vampire woman hidden away."

He glared at her with mock irritation as he continued, "No, I mean I tried to find someone else but it never worked. Anyway after Buffy came back... you know she was different, confused and very unsure of who or what she was exactly."

"I remember, it was hard on all of us, but especially Buffy. She kind of pulled away from us. I know this is stupid but I remember being glad that she seemed to connect with you but also jealous that she didn't feel she could confide in me." Dawn explained with a sigh. "I knew you two were getting closer. Since I was a romantic teenager, I even imagined that the two of you were involved in a secret torrid affair. But when you left so suddenly I knew that couldn't be true."

Spike looked at her with sad eyes, "Why did you think that couldn't be true?"

"Well I think I know you and if you and Buffy were involved you would have never left her. All the other guys in her life left her, but I just know you wouldn't have. So I have to imagine it was something terribly tragic that made you leave. And since Buffy was never talkative about it - I'm asking you. Why did you really leave?"

Her words hit home hard, he had left her, left her just like the others. In his own way he had been as selfish as Angel - he just couldn't bear to be around her anymore. "Dawn, it was just that I realized I didn't have a chance with her and decided I should leave."

Dawn shook her head and rolled her eyes, "I'm not buying that Spike. You always felt you didn't have a chance - you told me that yourself on more then one occasion. There had to be a catalyst - something that made you just have to go. What happened? I'm old enough to know the truth."

"I guess you are Niblet, but you probably won't like it." Spike leaned his head against the back of the couch. He cut his eyes towards Dawn next to him, "We did have that torrid affair, Dawn."

Dawn sat straight up now, "What?" She exclaimed loudly, then quickly put her hand over her mouth afraid she had woke Will. She listened for a moment but no sound came and she realized she was safe, lowering her voice she leaned towards the vampire, "You and Buffy... you ... you had sex?"

"Yes, we did many times over several months." Spike answered with nod of his head. "Everytime I turned around , in my crypt, in the alleys, in the walk in refrigerator of that stupid fast food place she worked at, in the bathroom at the Bronze. The training room at the Magic shop, oh and the new couch she bought after your Mom died and also the kitchen island and the basement too. The Jeep and the Desoto. You name it, Buffy and Spike christened it." He finished with a smile and a sigh at some of those memories.

###

"Here? You want to here?" He asked with surprised look on his face.

"Yeah, what the big bad vampire scared?" She chided him in a breathy voice.

"But the others are out there in the shop. Xander could walk in." He argued even as she began to strip his tee shirt off and threw him on the mat unzipping the fly of his levi's as she descended on him. Her hands were everywhere as she kissed him and touched him in all the right places, stopping for a breath, she pulled off her own shirt and led his hand to her breast. Smiling and moaning as he massaged them. "So I do get to play then?" He asked with a grin.

"Of course. We are each other's great big teddy bears." She whispered into his ear as she descended upon him again.

He tried to laugh at her joke but instead he found himself trying not to think about the truth of her words. He *was* just a big teddy bear to her, the one she held on when she needed comfort, the one she whispered her dark secrets to in the night.

"Hey why so serious?" Buffy asked as she moved against him.

"Nothing, baby. Nothing." He closed his eyes and met her movements with his own.

After they lay together on the mat covered with only with thier discarded clothes. Buffy grinned at him and kissed his cheek, "Xander didn't walk in." She teased him.

"No, not yet. But I better go." Spike had kissed her forehead and stood gathering his clothes. He couldn't do this right now, the sweet banter in the afterglow seemed be sour when you knew the other person wouldn't let themself feel the same about you.

She frowned and stood next to him pulling on her clothes also, "You okay?"

"Oh yeah, peachy.But I need to go..now." He gave her a small salute and walked towards the door.

"Spike?" She asked as she lay a hand on his shoulder turning him to face her. "What is it?'

He shook his head, "I love you."

She had that trapped look in her eyes as she chewed furiously on her bottom lip, "I ... I don't know what you want me to say."

"Sure you do, you just won't allow yourself to say it. I'll see you later - for patrol." He had touched her cheek and then left.

###

Dawn's eyes got bigger as she listened to Spike, "Okay, enough with the details, Spike. "

Her words shook off the memory and Spike turned to face her, "Sorry little bit, those are some of worst and best memories."

"Okay so you and my sister had a intimate relationship. So why did you leave?" She demanded.

"Well, we kept having these secret little encounters and they got too hard for me. I loved her and I *know* she had feelings for me. But she would not admit it, she always had an excuse and I couldn't make love to her anymore without some affirmation from her." Spike tried his best to explain.

"So why didn't you stick around and just tell her 'no more' till you admit how you feel?"

"Because if I had stayed I would have never been able to deny her, "willing slave" and all that rot. I couldn't say no to her. Obviously I still can't." He closed his eyes and banged his head against the couch again.

"What exactly does that mean?" Dawn asked suspiciously, "Buffy didn't just see you and pick you up tonight did she?"

"No, I went to see her last night. I knew it was a bad idea, started out nice and friendly... ended even friendlier." Spike sighed.

"Last night? You two?" Dawn shook her head and closed her eyes. After a minute she reopened them, "I don't need any more imagery Spike. What are you going to do about this?"

"I'm gonna kiss your forehead, say goodbye and visit again in a couple of years." He stood up and leaned to kiss her forehead.

Dawn raised her hand to stop him, "You are not leaving this time until you make her see."

"Dawn, I've tried."

"Well you are gonna keep on trying, unless of course you just aren't that serious about her anymore." Dawn egged him on.

"Not care? Hell this is how serious I was then -" He picked up his duster from the back of a chair and rummaged throught the pockets. pulling out a small velvet box he thrust it at Dawn, "if I wasn't still serious would I still be carrying this around?"

Dawn took the box from his hand and opened it revealing an old fashioned diamond engagement ring, a large diamond sat in the intricate lacy setting. "This is beautiful, Spike. You wanted to marry - you still want to marry Buffy?"

He wiped at his eyes and regained his composure. "I love her Dawn. I aways will, that" he nodded at the ring, "was a stupid foolish dream."

Dawn closed the box and handed the ring back to Spike, "I don't think it was stupid or foolish. I think my sister and you have been a little of both through the years. But I think there is a chance."

"I don't know about that." He answered solemnly.

"Would you stay in town a couple more days? Xander and Anya are coming into town day after tomorrow for a surprise visit, they are staying here, but Buffy doesn't know. Why don't you at least stick around and say hello."

"Dawn it's not like I was that close to them." Spike tried to reason with her.

"Please, for me?" She asked softly and gave him her impression of Buffy's pout.

"Oh bloody hell, I'll stay." He conceded wondering why those Summers women all had the ability to turn his resolve to mush.

Buffy angrily stomped her way through three cemetaries and found nothing to slay. How dare he? He comes back after ten years and thinks that he can just...just.. make her heart do flip flops, make her want him even more. He had been so sweet last night, so eager to please her while they made love. His whispered endearments still rang in her ears, "I missed you so much, I love you" over and over again. She closed her eyes and leaned against the door of her apartment, she could still feel his strong but gentle hands all over her body.

"You okay, Ms. Summers?" Barney the security guard interupted her thoughts.

"Oh, I'm fine. Just tired. Goodnight." Buffy unlocked the door to her apartment and waved at him. She found her way to her comfy chair and plopped down in it. How had she let the perfection of last night turn into the nightmare of tonight? She loved him - she really did! And she wanted to be with him - why did she let what everyone else thought get in her way?

She had lost her chance she was sure of it, he would never come back now. And who could blame him - he must feel so used. This time - this time she had to fight for him. Maybe he hadn't left? Maybe Dawn knew where he was? She picked up her phone and dialed her sister's number.

&&& "Spike, make sure you call me from the hotel so I know how to reach you and try not to worry." Dawn told him as she closed the front door.

"Okay, Niblet. I'll let you know where I'm staying." He sighed as he turned down the walk. "I can guarantee it won't be as nice as the place I stayed last night." He grumbled out loud as he walked back to Buffy's to get his car.

Dawn caught the phone as she started to bed. "Hello?"

"Dawn it's me. Umm... I'm sorry I had to leave earlier. You don't know where Spike is do you?" Buffy tried to sound nonchalant.

"Buffy, he just left and I'm not sure where he is staying." Dawn thought maybe her sister should stew a bit.

"Oh. Well I just wondered." Buffy said trying to sound chipper.

Dawn decided to take pity on her, "Buffy, he's supposed to let me know where he is staying. I'll let you know tomorrow okay?"

Buffy brightened a bit at the news that he was still in town, "Thanks, Dawn. I appreciate. Goodnight." She hung up the phone and went to get ready for bed. This time, this time I'm going to make it right was her last thought as she drifted to sleep her nose buried in the pillow Spike had used the night before.

Spike grouched to himself as he got into his car. He sat for several moments staring at Buffy's apartment building. He had a good mind to march up to her door, break it down and somehow force her to make her feelings public. Granted she had told him she loved him and that meant the world to him, but what good was it if she could only love him when they were alone. No, he would wait give her a bit of time. He leaned his head against the steering wheel and remembered a time long ago - in car. ### "I'm so sick of this. They won't give me a minutes peace, 'You okay, Buffy', 'You alright, Buffy', 'How are you feeling, Buffy?" Buffy got into the Desoto and slammed her door shut, "Let's patrol...NOW."

Spike had to stifle a grin, he understood her irritation with the Scoobs, yet he also understand their worries about Buffy too. "They are just worried about you, it's understandable."

"It's annoying is what it is. Like I'm a little child that they want to keep away from the scissors. I know they care but really it's just getting to be too much." She sighed as she stared out the window.

"Any particular place you want to patrol?" He asked as he started the car.

She thought for a moment before an evil smile crossed her lips. "Yeah, remember that place in the woods where we found Dawn and that vamp parking?"

He turned to her and raised a scarred eyebrow, "You want to patrol there?"

"Yes, maybe thats a good vamp parking place - you never know." She nodded her head as he turned down the narrow road leading to the notorious parking spot.

He stopped the car and started to open his door, before he could do that she was on him, fast as lightning she pulled his seat lever reclining his seat as far back as it could go. She sat straddled his lap with a look of pure lust on her pretty face.

"Uh...I thought we were gonna patrol, Luv." He struggled for the words as she planted hot kisses all over his neck.

"Do you see any vamps?" She looked up and asked with a seductive smile.

"Well...no." He answered with a groan as her warm mouth met his own.

"Then relax, we might as well enjoy ourselves while we are here." She murmured against him.

Enjoy themselves they did - many times over. ###* &&& Spike shook his head as he started the car and went in search of a hotel. He found one not too far from Buffy's place and made a mental note to call Dawn with the number in the morning. He settled into the bed and tried not to notice how empty it seemed without Buffy beside. One night in ten years and he was gone all over again. This time,maybe this time they could find a way?

&&& The next morning Buffy was up before her alarm went off. It was 7am - too early to call Dawn. She probably hadn't even heard from Spike yet. She went into work and busied herself until lunchtime. Maybe she would go see her sister for lunch? She grabbed her purse and keys and told Albert she would see him later.

Dawn was making cookies when the phone rang. She answered the phone her voice muffled with a chocolate chip cookie. "MMghhh,,,Hello."

"Little Bit it's me. . you okay?"

Dawn swallowed and answered, "I'm making cookies, I had to sample them. Chocolate chip."

"Red's recipe?" Spike asked at the memory of Willow's guilt cookies after the boggled engagement spell all those years ago.

"Yep." Dawn smiled.

"Well I just wanted you to know, I'm at the Sunnydale Shores Hotel." He gave her the number.

"Okay, Xander will be here tomorrow. I'm having Buffy over at 6, I want you here too."

"Dawn, I'm really not sure about this." He replied uneasily.

"Do you love her? Do you really want to be with her?" Dawn asked her patience running thin with the vampire and her older sister.

"Of course!" He exclaimed into the phone, "And I know she loves me - she just doesn't want anyone else to know!"

"Just be here at 6."

"Fine, I"ll be there tomorrow night, 6 o'clock." He hung up the phone and crawled back into the bed.

Dawn hung up the phone in time to answer the doorbell. She checked on Will as she walked through the living room he was watching Sesame Street and getting sleepy after his lunch. She was surprised to see Buffy at her front door. "Come in "Come on in. I'm baking cookies." Dawn ushered her into the kitchen noticing that Will had given into sleep and was napping on the rug with his stuffed dog clutched next to him.

"I thought I'd drop by and apologize in person for leaving last night." Buffy told Dawn as she took an offered cookie.

"Umm... Wil's recipe?" She asked as she poured herself a glass of milk.

"Uh huh. I thought maybe you had come by to get the number where Spike is at?" Dawn asked with a smile.

"Well, I just kind of wondered if he was in town still." Buffy lowered her eyes away from her sisters.

"He is, he's at the Sunnydale Shores. Room 321."

"Oh, okay." Buffy smiled and shook her head.

"So are you going to go tell him your tired of being scared and worried and you want to be with him no matter what?" Dawn asked seriously.

Buffy's eyes grew wide with surprise, "How did you... how did you know about that?"

"Buffy - even as a teenager I suspected that a lot more happened between you and Spike. After you left last night, I forced the truth out of him." Dawn put her arm around her sisters shoulder, "You need him, Buffy. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks."

"Well some people are going to be very unhappy. Giles will accept it grudgingly, but Xander will guilt me about it. I know he'll bring up the Angel thing and I don't want to dissappoint my friends again." Buffy sighed as she finished her cookie.

"Buffy, I'm your family and I accept Spike. And if you want to get down to the nitty gritty it's not Giles or Xander who is going to be there on those cold lonely nights for you. You already know Spike will be, if you let him." Dawn went back to her cookie dough before adding, "He's evidently kept you warm before." She giggled at the look on Buffy's face.

"How much did he tell you?" Buffy asked embarrassed.

"Enough for me to know that I'm getting rid of the couch from the old house that I have in my den. I can never look at it again, without disturbing images of you and... "

"Okay, okay." Buffy interrupted Dawn before she could say more.

Dawn had to get in one more jab, "I mean it, Buffy. I was just a kid and I sat on that couch!"

"I'm leaving now Dawn." Buffy put her fingers in her ears, "Not listening."

"Are you going to see Spike?" Dawn asked as she saw Buffy to the door.

"Probably - later tonight. We have lots to talk about."

"Good." Dawn waved at her sister as she drove away.

Buffy managed to get through the rest of the workday without making any major mistakes. Her thoughts were filled with Spike and for some reason that old couch in Dawn's den. She giggled out loud as she remembered.

###

"Do you like it?" Buffy asked as she picked up a pillow and fluffed it.

"It's a sofa, pet. What's to like or dislike?" Spike replied as he sat down on the newly acquired couch.

"The color - silly or if it's comfortable to sit on or not." She sat down beside him. "I think it's pretty comfortable to sit on."

He grinned at her and asked innocently, "Is anyone else here?"

"No, everyone is gone for the night. Willow went to her Grandmother's and Dawn is at Melinda's house."

"Well in that case I think we should test it's comfort out. I mean we can tell it's comfy sitting up." He patted the cushion before taking her in his arms and laying her beneath him, "But what about when you're lying down?" He began to nibble on her earlobe.

"I see what you mean." She giggled softly as she let him move down to her neck and collarbone. "So far it seems comfy lying down too."

"Thats laying still though, what if you move in your sleep?" He looked up and winked at her.

"Like this, maybe?" She arched against him.

"Yeah, baby. Just like that."

###

Albert startled Buffy back to reality, "Miss. Summers , I'm on my way out, do you need anything before I go?"

"A cold shower" Buffy mumbled to herself.

"Pardon me?" Albert asked with a confused look.

"Nothing, I'm fine, Albert. Goodnight." Buffy looked at the clock it was six thirty and she wanted to change before she went to see Spike.

---

It was seven o'clock and Spike was suffering from cabin fever. He had decided he needed to get out relax, have a drink maybe. Tomorrow he was going to have to face Buffy, better make that a couple of drinks.

Willy's Bar was crowded Spike noticed as he walked up to the bar. "Business is good, Willy."

"Yeah its my new gimmick. Singles night, young lonely demons and such can come here get discounted drinks and find true love thanks to ole Willy." Willy explained as he poured Spike's drink.

"And you do this out of the kindess of your heart?"

"Well they pay a small fee and I make sure they have a good time and meet lots of other singles. Kind of like a dating service for them. You interested - I think I could find lots of women who would like to hook up with a goodlooking vamp like yourself." Willy winked at Spike.

"No thanks." Spike shook his head, "I will have another drink though."

"Well if you change your mind," Willy shrugged as he refilled Spike's glass.

"Not likely." Spike muttered to himself.

He didn't notice the tall leggy redhead across the room eyeing him.

Nastassia eyed Spike from across the room for several minutes before asking Willy if the blond at the bar was indeed William the Bloody. The last time she had seen him he was with that crazy Druscilla somewhere in Brazil. She had heard that they suffered a bad breakup ending with Spike wandering for the last decade or so. Lots of rumors floated around about the blond vampire, some said he never stayed long in one place because he still mourned the loss of Druscilla, there were even farfetched rumors that he had become involved with ..of all people the Slayer. Jarvis would be glad to know that a powerful vamp like Spike was in town.

"Yeah, that's Spike." Willy nodded his head up and down, "Comes here whenever he's in town." He leaned in towards the redhead, "We're like this." He crossed his fingers.

"Really? Do you think you could introduce us? I only know him by reputation, I've seen him around but never officially met." She smiled at the barkeeper running her finger down his jawline.

Willy gulped visibly, "Well, yeah. I'll give you an intro."

She frowned as she looked at the vamps around her, mostly fledglings because she had needed quick help preparing Sunnydale for Jarvis visit. None of the vamps with her had even heard of William the Bloody, she sighed, "Stay here, I'll motion if I need you." She told them as she followed Willy to the bar.

Spike finally asked for the bottle and was getting a buzz as he tried to fend off the advances of the lonely hearts in Willy's bar.

"No, luv not interested." He used a napkin to wipe the slime off his arm where the amorous chaos demon had touched him.

He took another drink as Willy approached the bar, a tall redhead at his side, she looked vaguely familiar to Spike but he couldn't place her.

"Spike, uhh." Willy stuttered nervously.

"Yes, Wllly?" Spike answered impatiently.

"This is Nastassia, she wanted to meet you." Willy gave Spike a sly wink.

"Nice to meet you Nastassia. But I already told Willy here, I'm not interested in finding a date for the evening." He nodded at her as he poured himself another drink. "In fact I think I'm going to call it a night."

She laughed softly and shook her head, "I do have a proposition for you, but not that kind." She turned to Willy, "Could you bring us another bottle and leave us alone, please?"

He nodded and went back behind the bar.

"So what kind of proposition are you talking about?" Spike asked as Willy sat the fresh bottle down and retreated from the couple.

"Sunnydale has been quiet for a long time now... My partner Jarvis and I think it's time to come back and use it's energy for our benefit. I realize there is still a Slayer of sorts here. And when I saw you the first thing I thought was that you - the slayer of two Slayers could help us out. " She leaned in closer, "I've heard rumors you know this ones weaknesses ."

Spike buzz was quickly replaced by a tightness in his chest at the realization that Buffy was in danger, he decided to play it safe and let Nastassia think the drink was loosening his tongue. "What exactly is in it for me, luv?" He gave her a seductive grin.

"You could be the third in a triumverate. Jarvis, myself and William the Bloody, could be so very interesting." She almost purred as she leaned closer to Spike.

"What exactly would I have to do?"

"Kill the Slayer, that's it." She poured herself a drink, "Think you could manage that?"

Spike smiled broadly at her, "Of course, Pet."

---

Buffy took her time choosing the exact outfit to wear to see Spike. She finally settled on a long skirt and sweater, she swept her hair up and clipped it just the way he liked it. She took a deep breath as she pulled up to the hotel. She went to his room and knocked, no answer she knocked again, and then again. Where in the world could he be? She finally had her nerve and he wasn't around. She sighed then smiled to herself this was just her... no, just thier luck. But their luck was going to change if she had anything to do with it.

She drove around Sunnydale trying to think where Spike would go. As she drove by Willy's she grinned and shook her head, Of course. She parked outside the seedy bar and walked inside looking around the bar she found Willy drying glasses with a dirty rag. "Slayer... long time no see." He said nervously.

"Have you seen Spike?" She asked as her eyes wandered to the end of the bar where a familiar blond and a... a very attractive redhead sat. Anger and jealousy fought a battle as she marched to the end of the bar before Willy could even answer.

She took a deep breath and calmly asked, "Who's your friend, Spike?"

Spike's eyes widened at the sound of her voice, "Bu...Betty... what are you doing here?"

Buffy looked at him like he had grown a third head, "Betty?" She asked with a frown.

"Yeah, isn't that your name?" His eyes pleaded with her to play along.

Nastassia watched the interlude with interest, "Betty or whatever your name is, I'm Nastassia and since I was here first and Spike doesn't even seem to remember your name, I think it's time for you to go." She flashed the slightest bit of fang as she smiled at Buffy.

"Well actually Nastassia, I actually had prior claim to Spike here." Buffy reached for her stake in her coat pocket, a move that Spike noticed but Nastassia didn't. He would love to see the redhead dusted but not now, he needed more info from her to insure Buffy's safety.

"This is all very flattering, but ladies please stop fighting over me." He turned to Buffy, "I keep telling you it's over. Leave me alone." Spike replied convincingly drunk.

"What?" Buffy was hit with the realization that Spike wanted her out of here for a good reason.

"Go on home... I might see you later. Got me a new friend here." He put his arm around Nastassia.

"What about us?" Buffy whined.

" We had some good times, if you know what I mean." He waggled his eyebrows at her. "You got your taste of the Big Bad."

She seemed to be playing along, he only hoped that she would forgive him when this was all over. Even if she didn't it was worth it to keep her safe.

Buffy turned her attention back to Nastassia, "Fine, your welcome to him. But let me tell you he's not as good as they say." She flashed an evil smirk Spike's way.

Spike rolled his eyes at Buffy, "Still the best you ever had though." His smirk matched hers now.

Buffy turned to walk away.

Nastassia looked at Buffy and then back to Spike, "An ex?"

"Just a girl I had a bit of fun with. Now exactly where in the tunnels should I meet you and Jarvis?" Spike asked as he sneaked a look at Buffy. Maybe she would just leave? He shook his head as he listened to Nastassia. No such luck on Buffy just leaving this to him, she seemed to be into the spurned lover part - he cringed as he watched her stop at the bar.

"Service, Willy!" She pounded her small fist on the bar.

"Geez, Slayer!" Willy shouted back, "Give a guy a break."

Spike's eyes turned back to Nastassia as she heard Willy's telling words. You've done it now Buffy!

Nastassia was staring at him with disbelief on her face, "The Slayer! That's the Slayer! But why... ?" She turned back to ask Spike as he stood up from his barstool. Her face lit up with the realization, "You and the Slayer? The rumors were true? How twisted is that?" She snapped her fingers and suddenly eight vampires appeared around her. Spike ran towards Buffy as Nastassia gathered her vamps around her, he had time to swoop her into his arms and then he ran into the alley, the vamps in close pursuit.

"What the hell are you doing?" Buffy asked confused.

"I'm saving you - again." He explained as he looked behind him they were too close, they were going to have to fight. He stopped and put her down, "Just trust me Buffy - we're gonna have to fight our way out of this alley and then I'll explain." He barely got the words out before they were attacked by four vamps, Buffy easily took out two and turned towards Spike who had one down on his back in the alley and the other charging him, she tossed him a stake and watched as he staked the charging vamp then with ease dispatched the one on the ground.

She turned around to find two more charging her, she kicked one against the wall as she quickly staked the other. Spike fought off two more to stake the dazed vamp at the wall.

Nastassia and the remaining vamps watched with interest she called to him before they ran, "This isn't over, we'll be back. With or without your help, she's going to die. Jarvis and I will rule Sunnydale."

"Who is she and who is Jarvis?" Buffy asked as she dusted off her skirt and sweater. Then she frowned, "And why were you with her?"

"Name's Nastassia she and her partner Jarvis fancy coming into Sunnydale and ruling it." Spike explained as he put pushed Buffy's hair away from a cut above her eye. "That looks bad, lets get it cleaned up."

She pushed his hand away, "Your changing the subject, I got the ruling part. You still haven't answered why you were with her."

"I was offered the third in a triumverate." Spike told her as he pulled out a hankerchief and worriedly began to dab at the cut again.

"Is that why your in Sunnydale?" Buffy gasped with horror, that couldn't be the reason he was here.

"Hell no! And you know me better then that." He shoved the hankerchief in her hand, "Hold that on the cut." He stomped off towards the Desoto. Buffy following him. "Can't believe you would even think that." He opened the car door for her, "Get in."

"Well I don't know what to think, it's been ten years you come back and tell me you love me and then we make love and I'm happier then I have been in... well in forever and then you get mad at me again and the next thing I know you are at Willy's talking to this tall, pretty red head and she wants you to help her rule Sunnydale." Buffy's words gushed out as tears threatened to spill. "And I have my own car." She said stubbornly.

"Buffy, please just get in the car. We need to go somewhere safe and get your cut cleaned and then we'll talk and it will be okay." He placed his hand on her cheek, "I promise."

He sighed as she got into the car. It was going to be a long night. He turned to look at Buffy curled up in the seat next to him, she looked tired. "So why were you at Willy's?"

She was biting on her lower lip the way she always did when she was trying to figure out something. It was one of the things he loved about her, how he could always tell when she was really concentrating.

###

"Buffy take a rest, you need it." Spike watched the petite girl as she sat at the kitchen island with a stack of bills, a calculator, and a pad of paper, she was chewing on her bottom lip as she kept adding and readding the numbers.

"What?" She asked absentmindedly as she picked up the checkbook.

"Rest... you need one. You've been at that for two hours now." He stood behind her now, rubbing her shoulders to try to alleve her stress.

"I think if I pay part of the electric bill and part of the phone bill. I'll be okay and they are good about taking partial payments. Course next month the bills will be even larger, but I'll worry about that next month." She sighed as she finished writing out the bills and stamping the envelopes.

"It's gonna be okay." He nibbled lightly on her neck.

"You promise?" She had asked as she turned and found his lips with hers.

"I promise." He had murmured against her lips.

"Okay then." She had given him a small smile as she wrapped her arms around him and whispered, "I need you, Spike."

###

"I went to look for you." Buffy's voice interrupted his trip down memory lane. That had been one of the few times, she have ever let down her guard and admitted she needed him.

"For me?" He smiled at her, "So was that who the stake in your jacket was for? Me?"

"It's my turn," she glared at him, " you know me better then that. It's habit to carry a stake." She placed her hand on his arm and scooted closer to him.

"It's a good habit for you, Pet."

Buffy continued "I went to your room first, when you weren't there I figured Willy's."

"How did you know where I was staying?"

"Dawn told me, don't be mad at her." Buffy spoke soflty.

"I'm not mad at Niblet, luv. " Spike replied assuringly.

"She told me lots of stuff, cause obviously someone has a big mouth." She gave him a small grin.

"Yeah well she gave me Red's 'resolve look' and I couldn't help it." He grinned back at her, "So what did she say?"

"She told me to find you and let you know I love you no matter what."

"That Dawn's a smart woman." Spike laughed softly, "Right now unfortunately we have a problem. And keeping you safe is my biggest priority." He pulled into the hotel parking lot.

"Why are we here? Why not my place?" Buffy asked as Spike fumbled for his room key.

"Cause, luv, she knows what you look like and someone in Willy's might supply a name and she might find your place. Come on, I've got my trusty first aid kit, we'll fix you up and you can sleep here tonight."

She raised her eyebrow at him, "Sleep?"

He shook his head at her, "Where is your mind at,Slayer?" He grinned as he opened the door to his room.

"Nice room." Buffy remarked as she sat down of the foot of the bed.

"It'll do." Spike replied as he dug through his bag and pulled out a small box. "Be right back."

Buffy watched him go into the bathroom and lay back on the bed, she was so tired, fighting with Spike could wear a girl out. She giggled to herself - Spike could wear a girl out.

###

"Again?" She murmured against his hard chest.

"Where is all of that famous Slayer strength now?" He laughed soflty as his hands roamed all over her body elicting a delicious tingle wherever they stopped.

"Tired... birthday party with everyone remember?" She opened one eye to peek at him.

"Well this is part of the gift, and there's more later." He had kissed her hard then and she had returned the kiss, tired or not he always brought out the passion in her. Part of Spike's charm was that she knew if she had told him that she really was too tired, he would have just held her close to him all night without expecting anything.

###

Buffy sat back up on the bed as she heard Spike return, she grimaced at the memory realizing she had never found out what the other part of her gift was going to be, because later that evening, they had argued about her admitting her feelings to him, to every one. The next day he had left her. She shook away the bad part of the memory and concentrated on the blond in front of her.

"Here you go, luv." Spike spoke in a calming voice as he cleaned the cut out. "This may burn a bit." He told her as he applied the antiseptic and then the butterfly bandage. "All better." He proclaimed as threw away the bandage wrapper.

"Thank you." She told him as she leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Now we have to figure out what to do about Nastassia and Company. What did you find out?"

"Well she gave me some directions on where to find she and Jarvis lair in the tunnels. He was arriving tonight." Spike explained as the two of them got comfortable sitting against the headboard.

"Great, lets go then." Buffy started to stand.

"No, I'll go." Spike told her firmly.

"Hey, slayer here, I can handle myself." Buffy stood beside the bed.

"I know you can." He said aloud to her, then added mentally but I don't want you to have too.

"Well then lets go, now." She reached for his hand.

"Not now, we'll go tomorrow night, make sure Jarvis got here." He humored her.

"You think that's best?" She asked as she sat down next to him again.

"Yeah, I do. Why don't you get some rest and we'll be ready to face them tomorrow." He kissed her lightly on the lips and pulled her close.

Buffy yawned once, "Okay then, tomorrow - together."

"Together, always love." He smiled at her as her eyes closed and she cuddled closer together. He was gonna get her out of this mess and hopefully they could work this out. Right now it seemed like she was okay with it, but he had his hopes raised more then once and his heart broken for it.

When he was sure she was sleeping, he covered her snugly with the blanket and put on his boots. He was going to take care of this problem tonight.

Buffy opened her eyes slightly when she heard the sound of Spike sitting in the chair putting his boots on. She almost said something but decided against it, she knew what he was going to do and she wasn't going to let him do it. Not this time. She could still remember the beating he had taken without complaint from Glory all those years ago. Her mind lingered for a moment on that first innocent kiss in his crypt - when he had thought she was the Buffybot. That was a turning point in her feelings for Spike.

Spike gave her a last look of longing and slipped out the door.

"Oh no you don't." She said out loud to the empty room as she too slipped out into the night stealthily following the man that she loved into the dark labyrinth of tunnels under Sunnydale.

Spike lowered himself into the tunnel closest to the hotel. He looked around twice - was someone following him? Was she? Nah, she's safe sleeping back in his room. After taking a moment to gain his bearings he took off into the darkness. Surely she wouldn't come after him, his mind wandered back to another time.

###

"Buffy, what are you doing here? I told you to stay with Niblet." Spike glared at Buffy as she slipped up beside him in the dark alley.

"Dawn is safe in the car, all locked in tight." Buffy assured him as she watched the vampires in the alley behind the Bronze. "Let's just take them and we can still make the movie."

"I could take them alone." He grumbled.

"So could I." She argued back, "Now on the count of three...one... two... three." She whispered as they charged the vamps taking all three out in a matter of minutes.

He watched her wipe the dust off of her jacket and look at him with a smile, "I'm hungry now, can we get some dinner with this movie?"

He shook his head exasperated with her, "Fine, but it's Niblet's birthday she gets to choose the movie and the dinner." He paused then raised an eyebrow, "But later, I'll let * you * choose where we..."

He was cut off by her punching his arm and rolling her eyes at him, "Come on, lets get this birthday celebration started."

###

He took a minute to smile to himself at the memory of that night, he, Dawn and Buffy out alone for "date" it had been one of the most enjoyable evenings of his life. His two favorite women in the whole world and after Dawn had gone to bed, Buffy had taken him downstairs to the basement to show off part of the repair work to the pipes. They had ended up kissing by the third step and were half dressed by the time they reached the last one. A sleeping bag that had not been used in years saw lots of action that night.

---

Buffy waited for only a moment before lowering herself into the tunnel, she stood perfectly still for a moment and listened she could hear very faint footsteps - she carefully followed them. If she strained she could barely see the outline of Spike's body moving in front of her.