The aroma of french vanilla coffee wafted through the house as he made his way downstairs. He nodded at her as he pulled a cup from the cabinet and poured it full. She smiled as he looked over her shoulder at the paper she was reading and kissed the top of her head before he sat down across from her. "You packed?" She asked over the mug as she brought it to her lips.
"Yeah, I'm ready to go. Sure I can't convince you to come along? Dawn would love to see you. Could make it a second honeymoon?" He winked at her.
"Spike, I'd love to but you know I'm waiting to hear from Giles about Rona. She might need help, I may have to go to Virginia for a few days." Buffy sighed.
"You'll let me know if you go, I'm taking the cell." He asked already knowing the answer.
"Of course I will." She patted his hand, "Be sure to tell Dawn and Chris I said hello and kiss Jake for me."
"Will do, I'll call her when I get there." Spike stood and looked out the window as the sun went down, "I guess I better get a move on."
"Spike... " She grinned from her seat.
"Yes." He turned towards her,
"Don't forget to put the trash out, it's your turn."
"Buffy, I really don't think this is a fair chore for me, how much trash do "I" actually create?" He raised his eyebrows at her.
She stood then and pulled the trash can from under the sink examining the contents, "Hmmm... you're right - look what was left of my sandwich from supper, a yogurt container and look a this - weetabix box, spicy chicken wings bag, ice cream carton and empty hair gel and down in the very bottom trying to hide is a empty cigarette package."
He looked at her sheepishly as he pulled the bag from the can and tied it shut, "Okay, okay." He leaned over and kissed her softly, "I'm going to miss you."
"Me too." She smiled as she wrapped her arms around her neck and deepened the kiss, " Be careful."
"Always."
She watched him leave and her heart did that little sigh it always did when he left even if only for a short time. He was her anchor now the one person who she could count on in everything. Shortly after they had dispersed of the first evil they had put a program of training all potential slayers into action. Giles had then coordinated where the potentials were assigned and if they needed help Buffy, Spike or both when needed went to aid them. Helped keep the badness down to a minimum.
Dawn had finished high school and started college in LA where she met her future husband Chris. He was a few years older then her, an aspiring law student. Raised by his grandmother he was an honest man and had become one of the top prosecutors in LA, unfortunately this did not make him a popular man with the underworld. Three months ago Dawn and Chris had become parents to a baby boy named Jake.
Buffy and Spike had married in a small private ceremony shortly before Dawn went off to college. They had settled into married life with the usual amount of small troubles but the love between them was strong. They knew they were suited for each other and for the job they had chosen. A new council had been set up that paid them a nice salary for their services. Life was good for them. They doted on Dawn's little boy when they saw him each knowing that there really was no place for children in their busy lives.
"Well that wraps that up." Spike dusted off his hands as he and Angel walked back towards the car.
"Thanks for the help, Spike." Angel gritted his teeth.
"After all these years that still galls you doesn't it?" Spike grinned, "Thanking me?"
Angel offered a small smile, "Yeah it does, but I do appreciate the help. You want to go for a drink?"
"No, it's still early enough that I can run by Dawn's and check on her. I didn't get a chance to call her earlier, think I'll just run by there."
"Tell her I said hello and to be careful, Chris is making lots of enemies. I know he's doing a good job but it's also a dangerous one." Angel dropped Spike off at his car, "Tell Buffy I said hello."
"I will." Spike told him as he closed the door to the Desoto. He was going to have to find out more about the cases Chris was working on, he hated the thought of his Niblet in danger.
The young couple hurried from the house towards the car parked out front, the engine running. "Come on Dawn, hurry."
"I am, but it's cold and I want to make sure he stays covered." She held the tightly wrapped bundle close to her chest.
"Do you have everything?" Chris asked.
"Yes, but I feel bad leaving you here alone." Dawn patted the baby who was beginning to stir.
"It's too dangerous for you here. Buffy can take care of you in Sunnydale much better then I can." Chris gave her a smile and kissed her cheek.
A black car drove suspiciously towards the couples home. *
Buffy made a quick sweep around the neighborhood before she returned home. It was a quiet night and patrol was lonely without Spike. She noticed the message light blinking on her machine and quickly pressed it, might be Spike. Instead she heard her sister's frightened voice, "Buffy, I don't have a lot of time to explain but Jake and I need to come stay with you for a little while. Chris thinks we'll be safer there. See you soon."
Buffy frowned as she replayed the message. She picked up the phone and dialed Dawn's number, there was no answer. She then called Spike's cell phone but couldn't get through. Getting worried she called Angel's place and was relieved when the familiar voice answered, "Hello."
"Angel, this is Buffy. Is Spike around? I can't get through on his cell phone." Buffy asked as she nervously twisted the phone cord.
"No, he left about twenty minutes ago, said he was going to Dawn's. Is everything okay?" Angel asked when he heard the worry in her voice.
Buffy quickly explained the mystery message from Dawn. Angel assured her that he was sure that everything was okay, but he would go to Dawn's and see if he could catch Spike there. "Don't worry, Buffy. It will all be okay." He hung up the phone and hurried towards Dawn's house.
Spike tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he drove towards Dawn's house, he hoped they were home. It was always good to see his Nib and her little family and he was anxious to find out what was going on with Chris' work.
The black car slowed down in front of Dawn and Chris as they settled Jake into his car seat and loaded the luggage. Before either realized what was going on, a spray of gunfire was aimed at the couple. Chris dove to protect Dawn even as his body was riddled with bullets, the last thing he saw was Dawn falling to the ground beside him bleeding profusely from her own wounds. The baby in the car wailed loudly and miserably as if he knew at that moment the loss he had just suffered.
A neighbor quickly called 911 and within moments the police and EMTs were on the scene. A policewoman heard the baby's screams and retrieved him from the car trying to calm the infant as the EMTs worked on his parents, a white sheet was pulled over Chris as they began to concentrate on Dawn.
Spike knew something was wrong before he reached the house, he had heard the sirens and could see the lights of the emergency vehicles as he turned on to Dawn's street. He parked the car and raced to her house, a police officer stopped him before he could reach the EMTs "I'm sorry sir you can't go over there."
"I bloody well can, I'm the woman who lives here brother in law. What's happened?" Spike was angry and could smell blood heavy in the air. Spike didn't fear a lot of things but right now he was scared.
"You're family?" The officer asked.
"Yes, I am."
"Follow me, sir." The officer led him to where they were working on Dawn trying to get her stable enough for the ambulance ride. He winced when he saw the sheet covered body next to her... Chris? He knelt beside Dawn, she looked so very pale and small. Her eyes sought his as she tried to speak.
"No, Niblet, save your strength." Spike begged her but he knew it was too late, too much blood on the ground.
"Spike... " Her voice was a whisper, her eyes watering as she looked towards the policewoman holding her child, "You have to... " She coughed once blood spattering her chin, "Take care of Jake... "
"Dawn ... You'll take care of him." Spike's voice broke as he tried to offer comfort that he knew was a lie.
"You and Buffy... promise me." Dawn's eyes bored into him.
He squeezed her hand then, "I promise... we'll take care of him... till the end of the world." His face was covered in tears now.
"Thank... " Her breath hitched and her eyes closed and then... she was gone.
"Dawn... " He cried out as he pulled her body close to his chest.
"You have to let her go, sir." The EMT gently removed Dawn from Spike's grasp.
Spike watched as his "Lil bit" was loaded into the ambulance next to her husband. How was he going to tell Buffy?
"Sir... Sir." A feminine voice brought him back from his grief, "I heard what she said, I suppose this is Jake?" She held the crying baby out to him, "We can get the temporary paperwork for you to be his guardian tonight until the formal papers can be done."
Spike stared at her as if she had three heads, paper work, guardianship? What had he promised? He and Buffy weren't parent material. He heard the siren of the ambulance take off and turned to watch it leave. He had promised... "Yes, we should do that." He told the woman as she offered the baby to him. He awkwardly took Jake the baby still crying softly. Not knowing what else to do he began to gently sway him back and forth, "S'okay... little guy. It's gonna be okay." He spoke softly to the baby, trying more to convince himself that it would be okay then the crying baby he held so gently in his arms.
Angel arrived at the house to find the Crime Scene guys putting up the yellow tape and his throat tightened when he saw the chalk marks where two bodies had fallen. He scanned the small crowd looking for Spike and was relieved to see him sitting on the front step cradling Jake. A policewoman sat beside him and seemed to be filling out some paperwork.
"Spike?" Angel called his name softly.
"They're gone, Angel. Chris and Lil Bit both of them." Fresh tears rolled down Spike's face, "What am I... how am I going to tell Buffy?"
The baby had finally cried himself to sleep in Spike's arms. Angel made a move to take him and Spike numbly handed across to him, "Can he and Jake leave now?" Angel asked the policewoman.
"He has to come to the station and sign a few things then he and the baby can go." She answered her face expressing her sympathy as she patted the baby's pudgy arm.
"I'll take them downtown." Angel told her as he guided Spike towards his car stopping long enough to get Jake's car seat from front lawn where the police had set it. He also grabbed the diaper bag sitting beside it.
"We'll need this stuff." He told Spike as they loaded the car seat into his back seat and put up the top, "We don't want that night air blowing on him." Angel gave Spike a half smile, the blondes unusual silence was scaring him.
"What do I do now?" Spike turned to Angel.
"We go to the Police Station, sign what you have to sign and then we go back to my place and call Buffy." Angel sighed.
"Can't tell her this on the phone, Angel. S'not right to do it that way." Spike sniffed as more tears threatened to spill.
"She already knows there's a problem, Spike. That's why I'm here she called the hotel when she couldn't get you on your cell. Dawn called and left a message, Chris was sending she and Jake to you and Buffy for protection. I've been worried that he was making enemies in high places... he's prosecuted some big bads that were being defended by Wolfram and Hart." Angel explained as he drove towards the Police Station.
"Maybe I should have her come here, then tell her. We've got to make... make arrangements and Chris' grandmother has to be told." Spike buried his face in his hands.
"Knowing Buffy she's probably on her way now... but maybe that's your best option. Have her come and then tell her." Angel stopped the car outside the station, "I'll wait outside with the little guy so we don't risk waking him."
"You seem to know a lot about babies," Spike noted as he opened the door.
"Well, Connor started out as one." Angel sighed.
"Somebody call me!!!" Buffy shouted to the empty house as she paced around the phone. It had been two hours since she'd talked to Angel and still no word from Dawn or Spike. Something was wrong, she could feel it. She tried Dawn's again and was surprised when an unfamiliar voice answered, "Who is this?" She asked abruptly.
"This is Sergeant Cole from the LA PD to whom am I speaking?"
Buffy dropped the phone and grabbed her keys - she was going to LA "now".
Spike stared at the white walls around in a daze as he signed several papers and left a number where he could be reached. The officer helping him smiled sympathetically. "I'm sorry for your loss, Chris Jameson was a good man. He put a lot of evil behind bars. We'll do our best to find who did this to him and your sister in law."
Spike could only nod at the man as he stood to leave, his mind still not totally accepting what had happened. Buffy filled his thoughts now, he wasn't sure she could survive this loss. He made his way back to the car and found Angel going through the diaper bag, "We may have a problem, there are plenty of diapers and wipes, a pacifier and even a couple changes of clothes in here but there are no bottles or formula of any type. That little guy's going to be hungry when he wakes up."
Spike half listened to Angel as he turned to watch the baby sleeping in the backseat, the baby who would grow up never knowing the touch of his mother or the sound of her sweet laugh. He instinctively touched one of the tiny hands. "Spike.." Angel repeated his name twice.
"What?" He answered as he snapped back to reality.
"Food, Jake's going to be hungry." Angel started the car, "We don't have any bottles."
"I think his mom gives him the breast, " Spike frowned, "Gave him the breast." He shook his head as he corrected himself.
"Well we'll have to stop and get some formula and bottles and probably more diapers too." Angel drove towards the market.
"He's a pretty baby isn't he?" Spike asked as he continued to watch the infant sleep.
"Yes, he looks like her doesn't he?" Angel stopped the car, "I'll go in and get what we need you watch Jake."
"What if he wakes up?" Spike asked with no small amount of fear in his voice.
"Talk to him, just do what feels right." Angel smiled as he got out of the car, he was grateful for the chance to separate himself from the situation for a moment, so far he had held himself together for Spike's sake, but he was already going over his connections in his head, someone would pay for this. Buffy might not be his anymore but no one could hurt her or her family like this and get away with it.
Spike continued to watch the baby sleep as he waited for Angel to come out of the grocery. The silence in the car was interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone. He'd forgotten he even had it as he dug it out of his jacket pocket. "Hello."
"Finally!" Buffy's voice came over the static filled line.
"Buffy is that you?" He asked as even his excellent hearing had trouble over the static.
"Yes, I'm on my way to LA." She raised her voice into the phone hoping he could hear her.
"Go to Angels, first." He told her his voice shaky.
"Angels? Did you see Dawn?"
"Yes, I did. The connection is terrible I'll see you at Angels." He heard a soft "okay" before the phone went dead. He put the phone back into his pocket, a small sigh of relief that Buffy was on her way, a small part of him wanted her there to comfort him even as he realized that as much as he loved Dawn, Buffy's grief would surpass his own.
That was odd. The connection was bad but Spike seemed off? The fear that had been collecting in the pit of her stomach escalated now. Every nerve in her body screamed that something was wrong - horribly wrong.
She pressed down harder on the gas pedal and flew towards LA.
Angel paid for his purchases and made his way back to the car. Spike was still watching the baby intently as if he were afraid that he might too be taken from him. "I didn't know what kind of formula to get the woman showed me this one - she says its the least allergenic and since we don't know if he has allergies."
"I'm sure that will be fine." Spike finally silenced the older mans ramblings, "Buffy called."
"She did? Did you... "
"She's on the road, I didn't tell her anything, just to meet us at your place." Spike sighed.
"It's going to be okay, Spike." Angel sadly assured him.
"Really, how? Cause I've been thinking about it in every angle and I can't find one that's going to be okay at all." Spike slumped back against the seat and closed his teary, burning eyes.
Angel thought about Spike's words, he really didn't have an answer for him so with a heavy sigh he started the car.
The rest of the trip back to the Hyperion was made in complete silence save for the small noises Jake made in his sleep. Angel grabbed the grocery bag and Spike removed the baby from his car seat. He was still awkward with the baby but the underlying tenderness was there as he placed a soft kiss on the downy fuzz on the top of Jake's head. Angel watched him a small lump forming in his throat.
The baby still slept as Spike lay him on the sofa a small blanket under him. "I'm going to clean these bottles and mix up some formula for later. Why don't you just stay here and rest up." Angel told him as he took the bags to the kitchen and silently wished that Cordy or Fred were still fixtures at the hotel. But that was a long time ago and everyone's lives had changed so much over the years. .. "Okay. Ummm thanks." Spike replied his voice weary. He placed his large hand on Jake's back and patted him softly as he closed his eyes.
Buffy squealed to a stop in front of the hotel and ran to the front door, "Spike!! Angel!" She called loudly as she entered.
Jake woke suddenly his crying intensifying with every minute as Spike opened his eyes and tried to figure out what was wrong. Angel came immediately from the kitchen just as Buffy found them.
Buffy's face showed relief when she saw Spike holding the screaming baby, if Jake was here then surely Dawn wasn't too far away. She quickly went to stand beside the couch, "What are you doing to him, Spike?" She asked teasingly.
"Nothing..just trying to calm him down." Spike replied tensely.
Buffy then noticed Spike's face, his eyes were red rimmed and slightly swollen, her relief from a moment ago faded back into fear, "Spike, where... where is Dawn?"
Angel answered from behind her, "Buffy... there was... " She turned to face him and he suddenly realized that it wasn't his place to tell her. He walked to where Spike was still sitting and took Jake from him, "I'll get him something to eat." He said quietly as he left Spike to break the news.
"Thanks." Spike replied shakily, "Buffy, I think you should sit down." He reached for her hand.
She jerked away from him, "I don't want to sit down, Spike. I want to see Dawn. Where is she?"
Spike stood then and put his hands on her shoulders, his eyes teared up again as he looked into her eyes, "Buffy... there was some trouble... Dawn and Chris are... " His voice broke before he could say the word.
Buffy's face was the picture of abject misery as the word he hadn't said hit her, "No, they're going to be okay right?"
"Buffy... "
"No, no, Spike." She backed away from him and began to call out her sister's name, "Dawn!! Dawnie! Dawn. NO!" She sank to her knees then... "Dawnie." The last word came out a whisper before heavy sobs took over wracking her small body as she slumped on the floor.
Spike fell to the ground beside her instantly taking her into his arms and holding her tightly against him. Her small hands found purchase on his shirt front as she held on tightly to him, her very heart breaking as she soaked his chest with her grief.
Angel peeked into the room holding Jake in his arms trying to feed the baby the unwanted bottle. Poor Jake wasn't used to the hard rubber nipple and the milk wasn't the same and he wanted to be in his mommy's comfortable embrace as he nursed. Angel gave the baby a tired smile, "I know this isn't the same, but you've got to eat." He walked back into the kitchen with the fussy baby deciding that Spike was taking care of Buffy better then anyone else could in this situation.
After what seemed like hours finally pulled back from him, one word on her lips, "How?"
Spike thought about putting off telling her the grisly truth, but decided she had the right to know. "A drive by shooting right outside of their house. Luckily Jake was already in his car seat in the car. I got there right after it happened. Chris was already gone but Nib..Dawn was still hanging on." He paused for a moment as tears ran down his sharp cheeks.
"Who?" Buffy asked her grief laced with anger now.
"We don't know, Buffy. Evidently Chris was too good at his job he put away a lot of influential bad guys." Spike began to run his hand soothingly down her back.
"We're going to find them though, right? Make them pay for this!" Her voice quivered as more tears found their way down her face.
"Yes, love. We will. But we have a more important duty right now."
She looked up at him her eyes questioning him.
"Dawn... before... she made me promise that we would take care of Jake." He pressed his arms around her even tighter.
"We... don't know anything about babies, Spike." Buffy's voice was fearful, "What if we can't do it?"
"Dawn had faith that we could do it." Spike softly assured her and himself.
"I... I want to see him, okay?" She asked as she untangled herself from his embrace and stood.
"Okay, Angel took him to the kitchen." Spike stood, taking her hand they walked into the kitchen.
Angel looked up from the chair he was sitting in, "Buffy, I'm so sorry." He stood and gave her a one armed hug, the other arm full of Jake.
"Thanks." She murmured as she reached for the still fussy baby, "What's wrong with him?"
"I'm trying to feed him but I don't think he likes it. I guess he's not used to a bottle."
"No, Dawn breastfed him." Buffy answered as she took the bottle from Angel.
Spike watched as she sat down in a chair and put the bottle in Jake's mouth, holding him tight against her she began to rock him ever so slightly, "It's okay, Jake. Aunt Buffy and Uncle Spike are going to take care of you." She spoke softly, a single tear rolling down her face to fall on Jake's head. The baby's bright eyes began to concentrate on her face on the soft voice talking to him. He was tired and he was hungry and if mommy wasn't here, maybe this soft person could help. The baby began to tentatively suck at the nipple, sticking his tongue out a couple of times he finally let his hunger get the best of him and latched on drinking the bottle dry.
"You've got the knack, pet." Spike smiled as he watched Jake's eyes begin to droop.
"But you have to burp him." Angel chimed in.
"Oh, yeah." Buffy put him on her shoulder and softly patted his back she was rewarded with a small burp. He was asleep before she brought him down from her shoulder.
"Poor little one, he's had a bad night." Spike patted the baby's back.
"I've put a crib in one of the rooms for you. I still had one and its got clean sheets on it. I'm sure all of you are ready for some rest." Angel led them to a room with a double bed and small porta crib in it.
Buffy lay the baby in the crib and covered him with his blanket. She kissed his forehead and turned to Angel, "Thanks for everything."
"Your welcome." He told her as he left the room.
Spike turned back the bed as Buffy stripped down to her tee shirt. He stripped and crawled between the blankets holding them up for Buffy. She scooted as close to him as she could resting her head on his chest as his arm wrapped around her. A sob escaped her throat as tears soaked his chest, it was met with a matching sob from him as his tears soaked her soft hair.
The room echoed with their shared grief as little Jake. slept ,oblivious to the nights tragedy.
A cry pierced the calm bedroom at three a.m. Spike woke first looking around for whatever might be making that horrible noise. One look towards the crib and everything came back to him, it was Jake. He shook his head as he slipped from the bed to comfort the crying child. He was amazed that Buffy was sleeping through the noise, but she was exhausted from crying herself to sleep.
"Shh... little guy. Aunt Buffy needs her sleep." He reached for the baby,"Are you hungry again?" He held the baby close to his chest and began a soft swaying motion, it was then the odor hit him. "Ooof, if I smelled like that I wouldn't be able to sleep either."
Jake. began to settle some as Spike talked to him so he took the chance and lay him down again while he searched the diaper bag for a diaper. The baby began crying in earnest again. "Shh... shh... shh... " Spike picked him up again but it was too late, Buffy's head raised off the pillow.
"What are you doing?" She asked hoarsely, her eyes still red rimmed and swollen.
"I'm guessing he's dirty from the stench rising off of him, I'm going to change his diaper." Spike made his way towards the bed flipping on the bedside lamp. He lay Jake. down on the bed beside Buffy.
"Have you ever changed a diaper?" She asked raising an eyebrow at him as she stood up beside him.
"Well, no. I don't suppose I have, but can't be too difficult if Peaches could do it." He fished around in the bag for the diaper wipes.
Jake. stopped crying for a moment and began to look with interest between Buffy and Spike. It was like he was sizing them up for the job. It appeared he didn't think they were up to it when he began to cry again.
"Just get it done quickly and we'll feed him again. That should make him happy, shouldn't it?" Buffy asked her eyes wide.
"Okay," Spike told her as he pulled the front of Jake's diaper down, "Oh... gah... I've smelled better stuff coming out crypts then this." He quickly wiped the baby's bottom clean and placed the clean diaper under him.
"Don't you have to put some of that white stuff on him, Dawn said he had a rash... uh..down there." Buffy looked over Spike's shoulder.
"Well find it in the bag then."
After a minutes searching she came back with a tube of cream. She dabbed it on Jake's bottom just as an liquid arc made it's way up and over to hit her arm and Spike's chest. "Ah... "She cried out as she looked at her wet arm.
"Great, we've took so long he's gone again." Spike shook his head and sighed as he quickly put another clean diaper on the still crying baby. He looked at his chest and handed the baby to her, "You go feed him and I'll get cleaned up."
Buffy used a wipe on her arm and headed towards the kitchen. Angel peeped his head out of his room when the screaming baby passed, he thought about offering to help, but decided against it. Spike and Buffy were going to have to learn to take care of Jake. if they took him in.
"It's okay, Jakey." Buffy sighed as she turned on the kitchen light. Well no it's really not okay. But I can't think about that now because I have this little guy... this little bit of Dawn... to take care of. She felt the hot tears sting her eyes as she heated the bottle for Jake. How was she going to cope with out Dawn? Dawn was the one she could call when Spike ticked her off and she would always say "That's Spike, Buffy. He loves you warts and all and you need to just accept him too." Great advice from someone so young... too young to be gone.
Jake. began to calm when Buffy sat down and offered him the bottle. He greedily nursed till it was empty. Buffy watched him as his bright eyes, Dawn's eyes, followed her as she tilted her head and softly sang a lullaby to him. She placed him on her shoulder to burp and him, his burp was loud and wet. Spit up rolled down the shoulder of Buffy's tee shirt. She scrunched up her face as Jake. sighed and smiled up at her.
Spike came into the kitchen just in time to catch the show. Buffy was now standing holding the baby out from her, white stuff rolling down her shoulder onto her back. "Is there any part of him that doesn't leak, pet?" He asked with a weak smile.
Though her eyes were teary, she had to return the small smile, "I don't think so. How did Dawn do this? And why did she think that we could?"
"Don't know, but at least he's not crying anymore." Spike smiled at the baby and patted his chubby cheek.
"You take him and let me clean up now." Buffy handed the baby to Spike as Jake's eyes began to blink sleepily.
"I'll take him back to the room." Spike carefully carried the drowsy baby out of the kitchen.
Buffy took a wet dishcloth and cleaned her shoulder off, she walked back to the room and removed her tee shirt reaching for Spike's shirt lying on the dresser. Spike sat in a rocking chair in the corner of the room, softly quoting ancient poetry to Jake. as he rocked the baby to sleep. She walked over to him and lay her hand on his shoulder, "I think he's asleep again." She kissed Spike's cheek, "You're good with him."
"So are you." He smiled back at her as he stood and carried the baby back to his bed.
"Taking care of a baby isn't quite as easy as it looks is it?" She asked as she slipped back into the bed.
'No, but I think we can do it." Spike took her hand in his as he slid under the covers next to her.
"We have to make plans... " Buffy sniffed.
"We have time to work it all out." Spike squeezed her hand.
"No... I mean plans... arrangements for... Dawn and Chris." She sniff again, "And I guess we have to break the news to his grandmother too."
He pulled her closer to him wrapping his arm around her as she nestled close to him. "We'll worry about that in the morning. Right now you need to just get some more rest." Kissing the top of her head he closed his eyes and sighed.
At eight a.m. the phone rang abruptly waking Angel. "Hello. Yes, William Cambridge is here. I'll check to see if he's awake, it was a bad night for him. Yes, I understand. Please hold." Angel threw his robe on and went down the hall to Buffy and Spike's room. He knocked softly and called out Spike's name.
"Just a minute." Spike called back as she extracted himself from Buffy and left the bed. She opened one eye and watched him open the bedroom door.
"I'm sorry but it's the police station. They need someone to go identify the bodies." Angel explained, "I can probably do it if you want."
"Oh.." Spike's looked as if he'd been kicked in the face.
Buffy left the bed and came to stand beside him, she took his hand in hers, "No, we'll do it." She said solemnly.
"Are you sure?" Angel asked her worry in his voice.
"Yes, she's my sister I should do it. Would you please keep an eye on Jake. for us." Buffy asked her voice sounding frail even to her own ears.
"Buffy... I could go alone." Spike squeezed her hand tightly in his.
"No. I'm going." She told him as she went to her bag and began to pull out clothes and toiletries for her shower.
"I'll tell them you'll be there shortly then." Angel left them to get ready.
"You shower first and I'll watch the baby." Spike told her as he walked towards Jake's crib the baby was just waking his face red with the beginning of a loud wail. Before he could sound off, Spike picked him up. "Alright, we're going to get this diaper thing down the first time, this time."
"Are you sure you don't need help?" Buffy asked as she picked up her things and walked towards the bathroom.
"No, we'll be fine." He told her as he approached his task with the same zeal that he patrolled with. This time the diaper monster would be vanquished.
The hot water ran down Buffy's face to mix with her tears. Never in a million years would she have ever imagined that she would be going to the morgue to identify her sister's body. Last night, she kept thinking this was a bad dream and eventually she would wake up and it would be she and Spike in the bed and he would hold her and tell her it was just a dream... but no when she woke up this morning, Angel was at the door and Jake. was still in her room.
When she left the bathroom Spike was alone in the bedroom, "Where's Jake.?"
"Angel took him, said he would give him breakfast while we got ready to go." Spike answered as he lay out clean clothes on the bed.
"Good, the sooner we get this over the better. I suppose we should call Chris' grandmother when we get back."
"Yeah. I guess we should. It's going to be hard for her."
"It's hard for everyone." Buffy murmured softly as Spike went into the bathroom.
The morgue was a cold and dreary place despite the soft paintings of lovely landscapes that decorated the walls of the small waiting area. Buffy supposed there was just no way to cheer up a place that was so full of death and witness to so many people's grief. "Mr. and Mrs. Cambridge?" A woman in a white lab coat entered the room, "I'm Sharon Abear the coroner's assistant."
Buffy and Spike stood still tightly clasping the other's hand "If you'll follow me." She opened a door and led them to a larger room where the bodies were kept. "I'm so sorry for your loss." She told Buffy sincerely as she opened first the drawer labeled C. Jameson. She pulled back the white sheet covering Chris' handsome face. Buffy gulped audibly as she looked at her once vibrant brother in law lying so still and quiet. Spike put his arm around her shoulder as she simply nodded her head at the woman, "That's him."
"Thank you." Miss Abear told her as she pushed the drawer back into place. She then moved to the drawer next to it marked D. Jameson.
Buffy held her breath as the woman opened the drawer and gently uncovered her sister's face. Dawn lie there pale and still. "Yes, this is my sister." The words came out barely more then a whisper and Buffy stumbled as she walked closer, Spike caught her before she could fall and held her tightly against him.
The coroners assistant looked at the couple with sympathy, "I'll give you a minute alone." She nodded as she left the room.
Buffy continued to stare at Dawn for several moments. Spike was becoming uneasy, he had tears rolling down his cheeks, he wanted Buffy to express some emotion too. He whispered her name, "Buffy?"
She turned to him, "It's okay, Spike." Tears finally ran down her face as her hand reached out and combed her fingers through Dawn's hair in the same comforting motion she'd used over and over while they were growing up. "She's really gone." She murmured her voice tight with emotion.
"Yes, she Sir." His words were choked out as he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss on Dawn's forehead, "I'll miss you, Niblet."
Buffy then repeated his action of kissing Dawn's forehead whispering her own promise, "We'll take care of Jake., Dawnie." Spike nodded his agreement, she then whispered in a even lower voice, "And "I" will take care of whoever did this. I promise you."
Spike put his arm around Buffy as they walked back to the car. "You okay?"
"As okay as you can be when your sister's been murdered in cold blood." Buffy said the words bitterly.
Spike sighed as he tried to think of some way to comfort his wife. This was how Buffy dealt with things she was either angry at the world and took it out on him or she closed herself off to everyone. He preferred angry Buffy.
"Spike, I'm sorry, for what I said." Buffy scooted as close to him as she could. She lay her head on his shoulder, "I really do know that this is hard for you too. Please don't let me take it out on you, I know... I know that in the past I've done that, I don't want to do that now. I need you now... "
"Buffy, you're right this is hard for me. I loved Dawn as if she was my blood sister. But.. I know how hard this is for you and I can put up with a little bit of your anger because I know it's not directed at me. I just don't want you to close me off. Okay?" He patted her knee.
"Okay." She sighed against him as they pulled up outside the Hyperion, "I suppose we should take Jake. with us to Mrs. Jameson's , it might help to have him there when we tell her."
" I think that's a good idea. We'll pack up that diaper bag and go on over there." Spike agreed as they walked into the hotel.
Angel was sitting in the living room watching a morning news program. Jake. was sleeping on blanket beside him on the couch. He stood when they entered the room, "I'm glad you're home. Mrs. Jameson, Chris' grandmother called, evidently someone from the paper called her with the news. She's very upset naturally, she called her after trying your place, Dawn had given her both numbers."
"Stupid press! I thought this was supposed to be kept quiet for a little while." Spike's fists were balled up at his sides.
"Evidently the Press wasn't told to keep it quiet or they just didn't care. It's all over the news too." Angel motioned towards the TV where a picture of Chris and Dawn was plastered.
Buffy stared at the face of her sister, it was a picture of she and Chris at a Charity event. Big smiles on their faces - a beautiful couple with their whole lives ahead of them. The same face she had just left now pale and lifeless. She turned away from the TV, "We should go now see her now. I'll get Jake's things."
She left the room as the TV reported began to speak, "A terrible tragedy in LA, the bodies of local Prosecutor Chris Jameson... " Angel hit the off button on the remote as he watched Buffy leave the room, "Is she going to be alright?"
"I hope she will be. But with Buffy sometimes... well you know." Spike shook his head, "She'll be fine, I 'm sure it will just take some time."
Buffy returned with the diaper bag and picked up Jake. from the couch he stirred slightly but settled into her arms still sleeping, a bit of drool gathering in the corner of his pink mouth.
"If it's okay, I'm going to pick up some more of Jake's things. An officer called while you were gone and said it would be okay. I thought it would be easier for me to go." Angel told them as they left.
"I should do it." Buffy began to argue but thought better of it, "No, you do it and... uh... thank you."
"It's no problem."
The car stopped outside of Mrs. Jameson's apartment building while Buffy was trying to calm a crying Jake. in his car seat. "We're here. Maybe he'll be happier when we get him out of that seat." Spike told her as he grabbed the diaper bag and his blanket.
"Maybe." Buffy didn't sound so sure as she took the baby from the car seat.
Jake. was still announcing his presence as they knocked on his great grandmother's door. Mrs. Jameson answered her eyes red and face splotchy from her crying, she dabbed at her eyes with a lace handkerchief.
"Please come in." She hugged Buffy and Jake. to her for several moments patting Buffy's back before she finally pulled away. "Please come sit down."
They followed her into the small living room where she had a teapot ready since Buffy had called that they were on their way. She patted Spike's arm as she asked him to pour the tea. "Yes Ma'am" He answered as he began to pour the strong tea into delicate china cups.
"Let me take him." The older lady asked as she reached for Jake. His crying stopped as she held him the baby softly cooing to him and rocking him gently in her arms. Tears rolled down her face, "You poor little thing." She murmured over and over.
"I'm so sorry you had to find out the way you did." Buffy began.
"It's not your fault, Buffy. I understand why you didn't come sooner, you are grieving for your lovely sister. I loved Dawn too, I always thought that Chris made a wonderful choice marrying her." She sniffled as she thought about her grandson. "Poor little Jake. here, he's an orphan just like his father was. You know Chris' parents were killed in an accident when he was three."
Buffy couldn't help but notice the wedding pictures of Dawn and Chris scattered around the apartment and the baby pictures of Jake. sat on every shelf. The baby seemed quite calm with Mrs. Jameson too. She had so much experience with children much more then Buffy could ever imagine. She wondered if Jake. would be better off here?
"I suppose we should talk about arrangements?" Mrs. Jameson brought up the subject first.
The three adults discussed arrangements, deciding on a Sunnydale funeral. The baby lay contentedly in his great grandmother's arms. "I don't mind having the funeral and burial in Sunnydale. That's where you live and since Jake. will be with you, then when he's old enough you can take him to the cemetery. You won't let him grow up not knowing who his parents were."
After exchanging several stories about the couple, more tears were shed and sad laughter was heard as they talked about Dawn's first dinner party disaster and how overprotective Chris had been when she was pregnant.
"You don't mind Jake. living with us?" Buffy asked out of the blue.
"Why no, I knew that Dawn and Chris trusted you with Jake's life. You'll be fine." She hugged the now sleeping baby close to her chest.
"Mrs. Jameson, you're so good with him. He's the calmest he's been since... since this all happened. I'm not sure... " Buffy bit her bottom lip, "Maybe Jake. would be better with you?" The last part came out in a small, scared voice.
Spike looked at Buffy as if she had lost all sanity, "Buffy?"
"Well, he does seem happy with her?" Buffy defended herself.
"I promised Lil Bit that we would do it, I keep my promises." He was shaking his head sadly.
Mrs. Jameson surveyed the situation, "I know that this is a terrible shock for all of us and I realize that this is not the way most families begin." She sighed as she tried to find the right words, "Buffy, I think you may be a bit scared of the responsibility taking on Jake. ensues, but if my grandson and Dawn thought you could do it, then I know you can too."
"She's right, Buffy." Spike smiled as he placed his hand on her arm.
"I love Jake. and I don't want to lose touch with him, but I'm older and live in this small apartment. He needs to be raised by younger people who are healthy and can raise him in a house with a yard. I would take him in a heartbeat if you really don't think you can do it... but I don't know how long I would be able and then where would that leave little Jake." Mrs. Jameson smiled at the sleeping baby.
"It's not that I don't want to take care of him." Buffy replied still defensive, "I just... I don't know a lot about babies. I don't want to hurt him somehow." Her tone softened at the confession.
"You can call me anytime you need me. And I hope... that I'll be able to come and visit?"
"Of course, of course you'll be welcome anytime." Spike assured her as Buffy nodded her head in agreement. "I know how hard this is, are you sure you're okay?"
"William, I've lived a long life and I've lost more then my fair share of loved ones, this hurts... well it's like reliving when my son and daughter in law died all over again, but one thing I've learned is that as much as it hurts we have to go on, it's what the ones we love would want, it's what we want for the ones we leave behind." Tears spattered her cheeks as she handed the baby back to Buffy. She dabbed at the tears and softly blew her nose into her hanky.
"We better go, we'll see you soon. And I'll take care of the arrangements just like we talked about." Spike stood and leaned over the older woman hugging her gently.
"Thank you." She patted his arm and turned towards Buffy, "Buffy, you take care. And don't worry you'll do fine with Jake." Buffy stood up with the baby balancing him as she hugged Mrs. Jameson tightly.
Angel greeted them at the door of the Hyperion with news, "I hope you don't mind but I called Giles. He'll be in Sunnydale as soon as possible, Buffy he said for you to not worry about anything, he's got everyone covered for the time being."
"Thanks, I had forgotten to call... how could I have done that?" She shook her head as she walked into the living room which was now home to a unassembled crib, boxes of blankets and crib sheets and a variety of toys, and baby clothes. "Wow, I don't think all of this is going to fit in the car."
"Well you can start by taking the necessities." Angel told her as he pushed a bag aside for her to sit.
"Babies really do need lots of stuff." Spike looked around the room, "I think between both of our cars we can get all of it home though."
Jake. stirred in Buffy's arms, he opened his bright eyes and smiled up at her. She was mesmerized by the smile, it was the first time he had awoken without screaming. "Hello, are you hungry?" He continued to examine her face his small fist latching on to a long blond curl.
"I'll get his bottle." Spike told her smiling at the scene before him.
"I'll help you." Angel followed him to the kitchen.
"Think I can handle this Peaches." Spike told him as he carefully measured the powder into the bottle and added the warm water.
"I just wanted to let you know that I've already put out feelers on information for who might be responsible for this. And I'm ready to help Buffy in any way find who did this to Dawn and Chris." Angel explained in a low voice.
"I appreciate that, Angel, I do. But I think vengeance should be on the bottom of our priority list right now. S'not that I don't want to take care of the slime that did this... it's just that Niblet gave me a job and I promised..we have to take care of Jake. get him settled into a new life. Buffy... we both have a lot to get used too." Spike shook the bottle several times to mix it properly, he then tested it on his wrist like he had watched Angel do.
"I understand that, Spike. But I know Buffy and when she's had time to recover, she's going to want to act."
"I'm hoping that taking care of Jake. will take her mind off of that." Spike started towards the living room, "I'm not gonna have her going off half cocked looking for revenge. I won't take that chance with her making a mistake and getting herself hurt."
Angel rolled his eyes as he followed the blond down the hallway, amazed at what he was hearing, the Spike of old would have already hunted down the guilty party and tore them apart. It was hard to get used to this new "think things through" Spike.
Buffy was talking to Jake. as she changed his diaper, the baby was cooing happily. "Look, I think he likes me."
"Of course he does." Spike laughed as he handed her the bottle.
The baby nestled against her as she offered him the bottle, he still wasn't excited about the formula but he was getting used to it and soon had emptied the bottle. After being burped he began to smile and coo again. Spike watched as Buffy smiled and talked to him, "You look like you're mommy, yes you do." Her eyes were moist again, but she continued to talk to the baby in a happy comforting voice.
Spike nudged Angel's arm, "See, no revenge, she's concentrating on the baby now."
"For now, for now." Angel muttered under his breath.
After leaving Mrs. Jameson's, Buffy is antsy, she can't sit still in the car seat. Spike turns to her, "Pet, what's wrong? Can I help?"
"I need ... I would like to stop by the police station. I want to ask if there is any progress." She keeps clenching and unclenching her fists.
Spike is worried, worried about where this will lead her... but he loves her and he knows that despite everything she needs to know that whoever did this needs to be punished. He drives towards the station and parks the car. He grabs his blanket from the backseat, She shakes her head, "No, you stay here with Jake. I'll be right back."
"You sure you want to go alone?"
She nods her head in answer and he watches her back as she walks to the door. Worry gnaws at him, but he can't dwell for long because Jake. has woke up and he's screaming as if he's scared. Poor little fellow, he must feel lost everything familiar to him gone in an instant. Spike maneuvers the baby out of the seat and into his lap. "S'okay. S'okay." He murmurs over and over slightly rocking the best he can in the tight fit of the front seat.
The officers are sympathetic as Buffy talks to them . They assure he that r they were diligently working on the list of people that Chris had put away and were hoping for some solid clues soon. She doesn't share their optimism, it gnaws at her that they might never know... Thanking the officer she leaves and returns to the car.
Spike is holding Jake. in the front seat with him, the baby is quiet but his eyes are damp and she knows he's been crying. "He was sleeping then woke up like he had a nightmare. Do babies have nightmares? I picked him up and started talking to him and he seemed to calm down." He explained as he leaned over the seat and strapped the little boy back into the car seat.
Buffy settles into her seat, "I don't know if babies have nightmares or not? Of course if any baby has a reason for nightmares, it's little Jake." She leans her head against Spike's shoulder as he drives.
"So, did they have any news?" He asks as he pats her leg.
"They don't have anything yet, still checking on cases that Chris prosecuted. They have to find who did this Spike!" She balled her hands into fists, "If they don't then I'll.."
"You'll what, Buffy?" Spike's voice was calm but his eyes revealed his anger and worry, "You can't go off on a revenge trip, got a baby to think of now."
"Yeah, I do. And this baby's parents were murdered! Someone has to pay for making him a orphan!" She crossed her arms on her chest.
"Buffy... I want whoever did this as much as you do... but you have to be careful. We don't want Jake. to lose everyone, do we?" His voice was soft as he touched her cheek with one hand.
"No..but I ... don't know if I can just sit around and wait for justice." Buffy sighed, "I... I'm sorry, Spike. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything crazy. Do you think we could go home tonight? I just want to be home."
"Yes, we can do that. I'll call and make arrangements when we get back to the hotel. You and Jake. can take a rest." Spike smiled at her as he started the car.
When they returned to the hotel, Buffy fed Jake. and they both took a nap. After several phone calls, Spike made the funeral arrangements, the bodies would be released and sent to the funeral home in Sunnydale tomorrow. The funeral would be the day after. Mrs. Jameson's brother was bringing her into town for the funeral and Giles had called Willow and Xander. Everything was set, Spike leaned back into the chair and closed his eyes, running his hand through his hair tiredly.
"Here, you look like you need this." Angel handed him a glass filled with amber colored fluid.
"Thanks." He answered as he sipped the fluid which burned slightly as it went down.
"So, everything is arranged?"
"Yeah, funeral is the day after tomorrow as late in the day as they'll allow. Burial is at Restfield under that lovely willow tree. Not too far from Joyce." Spike took another larger sip of his drink.
"She seems to be holding up okay? How did it go with Mrs. Jameson?" Angel asked as he sat down across from the blond.
"She's doing okay, I think. She's a bit worried about taking care of Jake... even asked Mrs. Jameson if she thought he would be better off with her instead of us? She assured Buffy that we could do the job." Spike gave a small laugh and shook his head.
"What do you think?" Angel asked over the rim of his own glass.
"I think that I know next to nothing about babies and that's probably more then Buffy knows. I think that it's gonna be a rough adjustment for everyone involved, I think it may be a mistake... but I also think that I made a promise to Dawn... " He finished finished off his drink and sat the glass down hard on the coffee table.
"Want another?" Angel motioned towards the empty glass.
"No, Buffy wants to leave tonight for Sunnydale. I should get our things together so we can leave when she and Jake. wake. Do you think you could bring Buffy's car to Sunnydale, I think we should make the trip back together." Spike stood up.
"I'll help you load your car and then I'll bring Buffy's car for the funeral. I'm sure I can get a ride back to LA." Angel began to help sort through the baby stuff and decide what they needed immediately he would bring the rest of it when he brought Buffy's car.
Buffy woke to the feeling of a soft tickle on her face. She opened her eyes to find her self face to face with Jake. His small hand batting at her face, the soft touch tickling her. "Hello, there." She whispered softly, "Are you ready for a trip?" The baby stared back at her moving his hands in the air. She caught one of the small fists and placed a kiss , soft as angels breath on the top of it. "We're going to do our best for you, Jake. I promise."
"You up?" Spike asked as he entered the room.
"We both are." Buffy answered as she sat up taking the baby with her, "Let me freshen up and I'll be ready to go home."
Spike stared at her for a moment amazed at how natural she looked sitting on the bed the baby in her arms. Just two days ago he would have said you were crazy to even think of placing a baby in their complicated life, but now he wondered.
"Okay, Angel and I will pack the car." He left her brushing her hair and packing up what was left in the bedroom.
The drive back to Sunnydale was quiet. Jake. was good the entire trip, napping and gurgling happily intermittently in his car seat. The house at Revello Drive was dark and quiet as they opened the front door and carried Jake. into his new home. Spike unloaded the bassinet and Jake's clothes while Buffy took the bottles and formula to the kitchen. Jake. sat in his infant seat as if he were taking it all in, not quite understanding what was happening in his small world.
As Spike carried the bassinet upstairs to he and Buffy's room, she changed Jake's diaper and fed him again. The trip and all the change seemed to have worn him out and he quickly fell asleep. Spike carried him upstairs to the bedroom while Buffy figured out the baby monitor. She left one in the bedroom and carried the other with her back downstairs. Spike followed her into the kitchen, as she pulled sandwich makings from the refrigerator and half heartedly made herself a small supper. "You hungry?"
"A little." He nodded as she stuck a mug in the microwave for him. He went to the phone and hit the message button, after listening to messages from Xander and Willow he went to hit the delete button. Buffy put her hand on his abruptly, "Don't erase them all... Dawn's on there." She hit the rewind button until she found the message, Dawn's voice filled the kitchen, "I won't hear her voice again, Spike." She leaned against his chest, the sandwich forgotten, as hot tears soaked his shirtfront.
"Oh, Buffy." He held her tightly to him rocking her gently in his embrace, "Love you, pet. It's going to be okay."
He finally picked her up and carried her to their bedroom, lying her on the bed he pulled off her boots and held her close to him until she fell asleep. He checked on Jake. peacefully sleeping in the bassinet and climbed back into the bed. As hard as it was for her now, the finality of the funeral would be even harder.
Buffy woke first to the soft whimpers of Jake., she squinted at the bassinet in the corner of the room before she rolled out of the bed. "Good morning." She picked up the squirming baby, "Oh..you're very, very wet." She held him out from her as found a clean diaper and then quickly changed him.
Spike watched her from half closed eyes a small smile crept on his face, she was getting good at this, maybe? Just maybe this would work? He was shook from his thoughts by Buffy's voice, "Are you going to lie there and pretend to sleep or are you going to help me give him his breakfast and.." She sniffed distastefully, "a bath."
He laughed softly, "Guess I better help. Have you ever bathed a baby before?" He stood up pulling on a pair of sweat pants.
"No, I haven't but the only other option is to not bathe him and." She handed the baby to Spike wrinkling her nose, "I'm not sure that's an option we can live with."
Spike sniffed and grinned, "Agreed."
Spike made a bottle of formula as he held Jake. up on his shoulder. Buffy found the small plastic tub Spike and Angel had packed the night before. Spike fed the baby as he watched her fill the tub with warm water testing it several times with her elbow. She had arranged baby soap and lotion on the countertop.
When he finished the bottle, Jake. promptly burped and spit up down the front of his sleeper, "Just in time." Spike rolled his eyes as he handed the baby to Buffy. She awkwardly took the sleeper off of him and removed the diaper, with one arm under the baby she slid him into the warm water. He frowned at first but settled as the warm water surrounded him, with her free hand Buffy attempted to pour baby wash on the washcloth , this looked easier then it actually was. Wet baby equals slippery baby, "Uh... Spike, some help here." She called over her shoulder.
Spike walked over to the tub and took the wash cloth from her, she nodded towards the baby wash and he poured some on the cloth, "You want me to hold him or wash him?"
"You hold, and I'll wash." She began to wash the baby with the warm cloth, he seemed to be enjoying the bath. She washed his hair with the washcloth and reached for the towel she had laid out. Wrapping Jake. in the soft towel she carried him into the living room, drying him off gently, she lathered her hands as she'd seen Dawn do and covered him in the clean smell of baby lotion. "That's much better." She smiled as she put on a clean diaper, "Let's see what Uncle Spike found for you to wear."
"I couldn't decide so I brought another of those one piece footie things, it seemed like a safe choice, not too hot but not too cold either." Spike held up a blue sleeper with a train embroidered across the chest.
"That will work." Buffy took the sleeper from him and dressed the baby. The doorbell rang as she finished her handiwork.
She handed the baby to Spike as she went to get the door, "He smells much better now." Spike commented as he followed, the warm, comfy smell of baby lotion wafting from the clean and content baby.
She smiled then, a real smile, the first since the whole ordeal had started, " Enjoy it, probably won't last long."
She opened the door to find Giles standing on her porch, he entered the house swiftly pulling her into a bear hug. "I'm so sorry, Buffy." She let him hold her for a few minutes, relishing the feel of his fatherly hug. As much as she loved and needed Spike, she needed her "dad" now too.
She pulled back from him and gave him a soggy smile, "I'm glad you're here."
Spike watched from behind, having Giles here would be good for her. "Spike, how are you?" Giles asked as he offered his hand to the vamp, balancing Jake. in the crook of one arm he returned the gesture, "I'm hanging in there." Spike answered honestly.
Giles patted the baby's chubby hand, "This must be Jake.?"
"Yes, Jake., " Spike looked seriously at the baby, "This is... Giles." The baby surveyed yet another newcomer into his world and squalled loudly.
"I'm sorry.." Giles began to stammer.
"It's okay, poor little guy. He's not used to all of the changes." Buffy patted Giles arm and led him to the living room.
Spike paced around the living room listening to Giles fill Buffy in on what was going on with the potentials and assuring her that he could take care of any problems for the time being. Jake finally fell asleep on his shoulder and he carefully took him upstairs to his bed.
On his way down the stairs the doorbell rang again. Buffy opened the door to Willow and Xander. Spike watched from the bottom step as a group hug ensued among the three friends. After several moments they broke away heading towards the living room, Buffy caught Spike's hand in hers and followed. Giles stood to greet the newcomers, more hugs were exchanged with the Watcher.
"Where is Jake.?" Willow asked as she sat down between Giles and Xander.
"He's sleeping upstairs." Buffy answered, "We'll go check on him soon, he looks just like Dawnie."
Willow smiled sadly at her friend, "Buffy, we're so sorry."
Despite their shared grief the friends made time to catch up with each other. Willow had just received a promotion at the software company she worked for in Atlanta. Xander was still working construction and was happily married living in Denver. The three kept in touch but there were no more Scooby meetings on the agenda.
Sad news travels fast and periodically through the day, neighbors who had known Dawn as a child , teachers from her high school days and even long forgotten friends of Joyce's brought food and condolences to Buffy's house. Mrs. Aldrich across the street was in tears when she dropped off her bundt cake and tuna casserole, evidently Dawn had helped her get her cat out of a tree when she was 15. 'She made a fuss over Jake. before she went back across the street. Buffy was touched that so many people remembered Dawn so fondly.
Jake. seemed a bit shy of all the new people in the house and began to cling towards Buffy or Spike. Buffy held him in one arm as she wrestled with plates and glasses. Thankfully with all of the food that had arrived she wouldn't have to cook for days. Spike held the baby and gave him his bottle as the others sat down to eat. After dinner, Willow , Xander and Giles shooed an exhausted Buffy and Spike from the kitchen explaining that they would do the clean up. Buffy made up the extra rooms as Xander and Giles argued over the couch. Jake. finally let Willow hold him without bellowing and she managed to rock him to sleep following Buffy upstairs she lay him in the crib.
"He's so sweet, Buffy. You were right, he does look like Dawn." Willow pulled the blanket around the baby.
"Yeah. Willow can I tell you something... without you judging me?" Buffy asked sitting on the foot of the bed.
"Anything, Buffy." Willow sat down beside her, "What is it?"
"I love Jake., I do. But I'm not sure that I'm the right person to raise him. Look at how Spike and I live? " Buffy sighed, "You think I"m a monster don't you?"
Willow hugged her friend tightly, "No. you're not a monster, you're scared, and maybe a bit unsure of yourself in the 'mom' department?"
Buffy nodded her head, "Me a mom? Spike and I , we accepted a long time ago that there would be no children for us."
"What does Spike say?"
"He says he made a promise to Dawn and we have to honor it. And I want to..I'm scared that I'll be a complete screw up at parenthood though, Dawn was so good at it." Buffy sighed as the tears began to fall again.
"Buffy, Dawn knew you would take care of Jake., she trusts you to do it. You and Spike - you accepted the no children thing because you knew that you couldn't have them. That doesn't mean that the two of you won't be good parents to Jake. You're gonna be fine." Willow gave Buffy another small hug. "Now, I'm going to get ready for bed. Goodnight."
Spike stood outside the bedroom door listening to Willow and Buffy. Buffy who could fight any monster you threw at her was scared of a three month old infant... he shook his head at the thought. He smiled at Willow as she exited the room and placed his hand on her arm, "Thanks for coming Willow."
"No problem, Spike, and you know - she will be a great mom." The redhead smiled at him.
"Yeah... I know she will, she just needs to know it." He sighed as he walked into the bedroom.
The rain came down softly as if the sky was joining in the tears shed on Revello Drive. Buffy stood at the kitchen door watching the drops splat on the back porch. She was tired, more tired then she could ever remembered having been before. Spike was still sleeping and Willow was feeding Jake. his morning bottle. She recalled guiltily that she had left Jake's care to Spike all through the night. She just couldn't seem to get up, each time the baby cried she squeezed her eyes shut hoping he would stop, wishing his mom was here for him, rolling in grief. Today she would bury her sister, no more smiling Dawn face, no more gentle teasing between them. Spike on the other hand, after realizing she wasn't moving from the bed had gotten up and taken care of whatever Jake. needed. She felt numb... but Spike was right there doing what needed to be done.
Mrs. Jameson had already called she was on her way to Sunnydale and would meet Buffy at the funeral home to spend some time with her grandson and his wife before... The funeral would be later today.
Buffy had debated taking Jake. with them but in the end Spike had told her that the baby was much to young to remember if she did take him and if for some reason he could remember then wasn't it better for him to remember his mom holding him before she put him in that car seat for the last time?
"Can I give him his bath?" Willow asked as Buffy passed through the living room on her way to the shower.
"Yeah, but be careful, he's slippery when wet." Buffy patted Jake's cheek before planting a soft kiss on the top of his head. So much conflict inside of her because of this small bundle of joy with her sister's eyes. She truly wanted to take care of him... but part of her rebelled - she wasn't meant to nurture, was she?
"I'll be careful, Xander can help." Willow smiled as she bounced the baby on her shoulder.
Spike opened one eye when he heard her enter the bedroom, he reached for her hand as she walked by the bed. "You're awake?" She smiled at him as he pulled her to sit down beside him. "I know you must be tired, Jake. didn't sleep well, did he?" She asked guiltily.
"No, he didn't." Spike sat up in the bed, "Maybe he could just sense things aren't as they should be."
She scooted closer to him, lying her head on his shoulder, "I'm sorry, I didn't help."
"S'okay, Buffy. I didn't mind but ... " He sighed deeply, "If this is going to work... it's going to have to be a joint effort."
She nodded her head against his shoulder, "I know."
"So when is Mrs. Jameson to get here?"
"She called and I should meet her at the funeral home in about an hour. I was just going to get ready."She scooted off the bed to stand.
"I can go with you if you'd like." He rose from the bed and stood beside her.
"No, I'll be fine. Get some rest, Willow is enjoying some Jake. time, she won't mind." Buffy kissed his cheek before she went to the bathroom.
"They looked peaceful,didn't they?" Mrs. Jameson's soft voice disturbed the silence of the small coffee room of the funeral home. Her brother Arthur was getting coffee for them all. He was quiet letting his sister lead.
Peaceful? Buffy thought, how peaceful can they be, they've been ripped away from their infant son. She nodded in agreement though, "Yes Ma'am Peaceful."
"Are you ready to leave dear?" The older woman asked placing her hand on Buffy's arm.
"Yes, Ma'am Why don't you and Arthur come back to the house and stay until the funeral. You can see Jake."
"That's a lovely idea. I'd love to see him again." She and Arthur followed Buffy's car back to Revello.
After introductions were made, Willow took charge of lunch, "You all just sit down and visit. There is so much food in the kitchen lunch will not be a problem." Xander moved to help Willow while Giles stayed in the living room answering the door to more food and flowers.
Mrs. Jameson played with Jake., singing to him and telling him stories of his daddy when he was little. She fed him lunch and rocked him to sleep for his nap. She held the tears back until Spike had safely moved the sleeping baby upstairs, "I don't want to upset the little one, he's trying to adjust." She sniffled.
"We'll miss seeing him all the time." Arthur chimed in, "We used to have lunch on Sundays, all of us together."
"You're welcome to come anytime you'd like to visit." Spike told him as he picked up Buffy's still half full lunch plate from the coffee table.
"We appreciate that." Mrs. Jameson smiled at him.
Funerals are for those left living. Buffy had been to far too many of them in her short life. The day was very overcast and the rain still fell softly as she held the large umbrella, Spike with one arm around her and little Jake. nestled in the other. She stole glances at the friends and family gathered in the cemetery, not too far from where her mother lie buried. She watched Jake's bright eyes watching Spike's facial expressions, did he understand who the tears running down Spike's face were for? The words spoken at the service were generous and said much about how much Dawn and Chris were admired and loved. But they somehow seemed empty to Buffy as she lay a rose on her sisters casket before they left the cemetery Dawn was really gone...
"You don't have to leave so quickly." Buffy hugged Mrs. Jameson when they returned home that evening and dealt with visits from friends and coworkers Dawn and Chris.
"I'm tired and I think I just want to go back to the hotel and lay down. Thank you so much for all you and William have done to make this easier for me." She hugged Buffy tightly again, 'I know you'll take good care of my great grandson." She kissed Jake's cheek before she left.
"I'll drive you to the airport, Willow, My flight's just an hour after yours." Xander volunteered as he brought his bag into the living room.
"Are you sure you don't need me to stay?" Willow asked before accepting Xander's invitation.
"Yes, you need to get back, I understand." Buffy fell into another hug with Willow and Xander, "Thank you both for coming."
"We wanted to come... it was no trouble." Xander kissed Buffy's forehead, "You take care of her." He nodded towards Spike.
"I will."
"And Jakey too." Willow added.
"Will do." Spike smiled at her as they left out the front door.
"I believe I should be going too, I'm going to drive into LA tonight and catch a flight to Virginia from there. You take care, Buffy." Giles wrapped his arms around her in rare hug.
"Virginia? Rona! Is she okay?" Buffy suddenly remembered her job.
"Nothing you need to worry with, Buffy. Not now." Giles told her in a "that's final" tone.
"But ... I was supposed to possibly go help?" Buffy rubbed her hand through her hair tiredly.
"We'll discuss your new schedule later." Giles picked up his bag.
"New schedule?"
"Well, yes. You can't go traipsing off as easily now, you have a baby to take care of." Giles smiled at her, "I'll be in touch."
Spike watched the exchange with interest, he had not truly thought about how much Jake. being around would change things. They would all just have to adjust...
Exhausted and out of sorts, Jake. fussed for quite a while before falling asleep. Buffy and Spike took turns feeding, changing, walking, bouncing the unhappy baby before Buffy finally got him to sleep by turning out the lights and rocking him to sleep as Spike softly sang to him.
The day ended with the new, unsure parents falling into bed and just holding each other before they quickly joined Jake. in sleep. The rain finally stopped in Sunnydale as part of one family were laid to rest - leaving a new family to start.
The next week passed quickly as Buffy and Spike sorted through the things Angel had brought from LA and set up a room for Jake. in Buffy's old room. Spike put the crib together as Jake. watched from his baby seat. "Yes, this is your bed." Spike smiled at the baby as he finished putting the last bolt in and made sure the rail would move up and down the way it should. Buffy grinned as she watched her husband with the baby, Spike seemed to have a easygoing way with the baby that she still lacked.
Papers had arrived from Chris and Dawn's lawyer about Jake's custody. Information about his medical records and college funds was included. Buffy had yet to sit down and examine all the information, taking care of the baby was still too new, and the paperwork saying she and Spike were now Jake's "parents" just made her think about Dawn and that pain was still too fresh.
"Here's a little snack for you, " She handed a warm mug to him and then knelt to the floor beside Jake., "And here's something for you." She picked the baby up and gave him his bottle.
"Thanks, " He smiled as she sat down on the floor beside her, "We need a rocking chair in here, every baby needs a rocker in his room."
"That's a good idea." Buffy agreed as she watched Jake's eyes follow her as he drank his formula.
"We'll look for one tomorrow night."
"Okay, we'll look at that little antique store on Main Street." Buffy watched as Jake's eyes began to droop, "If you'll put those sheets on the crib, we'll put him in his bed ."
When the crib was made up and Jake. lay sleeping peacefully they turned out the light and went across the hall to their own room. Buffy changed into her nightgown and joined Spike in the bed. "What you reading?" She asked as she cuddled close to him. She had missed this being close to him the last few days.
"One of those baby books, Angel brought. Tells what the baby should be doing at what age and such. Our Jake's right on schedule from what I can see." Spike read aloud from the book, "Attempts to hit or swipe at moving objects with hands , he's good at that specially with that ugly sesame street rattle thing."
"That's Elmo and he's cute." Buffy grinned in amazement at how seductive Spike's voice could be even as he read from a baby care book.
"Cute to you maybe, but I find him annoying and scary looking and that voice coming from under that red mop - surprised it doesn't give kids nightmares." Spike shook his head and grimaced before he began to read again, "Change of expression at the sound of your voice, a big smile is good, he smiles a lot,"
"Uh huh, he does." Buffy smiled at Spike as her hand crept under the covers and up his chest teasing one nipple.
Spike stopped reading for a moment, he playfully batted her hand away and grinned at her, then started reading again, "Seems to enjoy interaction with others .Attempts to use hands and eyes in coordination."
Buffy pretended to pout as she leaned in closer to him and whispered, "I could use some interaction with others and I'm sure your very good with the hand coordination." She sucked on his earlobe gently, before pushing the book out of his hands and straddling him, "I can think of better things to do then read in bed."
"I was just trying to... " The rest of the sentence was slurred as her mouth covered his in a searing kiss.
"Buffy, you sure?" He asked as he pulled away, this was the first time they had been this intimate since before the whole LA tragedy.
"Yes, I'm sure. I need you Spike." She kissed him again.
He didn't need to be told twice. As he she lifted her arms ,he helped pull the soft satin of the nightshirt over her head. He sat staring at her for a moment before reaching for her, mesmerized by her beauty. So much strength held in this tiny, very feminine body.
"Okay, do I have something on my face?" Buffy began wiping at her cheeks.
"No, " He took her hands away from her face holding them tightly in his own, "You're perfect."
Buffy blushed at his words and his adoring stare, after all these years he could still do that, make her feel shy at his compliments. "Not really perfect, I think your biased."
She kissed the tip of his nose before her hands pulled the covers back from around him and settled her self on top of him. He moaned slightly as she began a soft, steady movement against him. "Not biased at all, luv." He groaned out as he met her movements, "Just in love."
She smiled at him seductively as began to increase her pace leaning down and whispering in his ear, "Me, too."
They danced their own private dance for each other set to the perfect music of soft spoken declarations of love. The music ended with Spike's voice calling out her name as she fell against his chest and cuddled there unwilling to move, "I'm gonna stay right here until morning." She murmured smiling against his hard chest.
"Fine with me, Pet." He kissed the top of her silky head and settled under her to get comfortable.
"Night," She replied drowsily as her eyes fell closed.
"Umm..night." He replied his arm possessive around her his hand resting on the small of her back as he closed his eyes.
"WAHHH,,,,,,,," The cry startled both of them, Buffy jumping from her place on Spike's chest her eyes scanning the room, Spike sitting up beside her.
"Jake.!" They said simultaneously as Buffy pulled on her robe and Spike searched for his sweat pants.
"It's okay, sweetie." Buffy told the crying baby as she picked him up from the crib. Spike soon joined her in the baby's room.
"Is he okay?" Spike asked as paced the room with the baby in her arms.
"I don't know, his diaper is dry, maybe he's hungry again?" She asked over the crying.
"He shouldn't be, it's not been that long since he ate." Spike took the baby from her and began to inspect him, "Maybe that binky thing?" He searched for the pacifier on the dresser.
"He did sneeze a couple times earlier? Do you think he has a cold?" Buffy looked worried.
"Don't think a couple of sneezes makes a cold, luv." Spike offered the baby the pacifier. Jake. scrunched up his nose and spit it out.
"Okay, he doesn't want the binky" Spike put the pacifier down.. "Let's try the bottle?' ."
"Okay, but the book says it's not good to just stuff a bottle in his mouth every time he cries." Spike told her as he followed her down the stairs.
Buffy looked over he shoulder and glared at him, maybe she would rethink how sexy he sounded quoting from that book. He took the baby while Buffy warmed the bottle talking to him as he bounced him gently in his arms. Buffy gave him the warm bottle and sat down in the chair across from him, her robe opening to show quite a bit of leg.
Spike stared at the bare leg remembering all the ways she had used it earlier, he lay his hand on her bare knee and winked at her, "I think I've got my second wind."
She grinned at him, "I think the fun's over for the night." She nodded down at the baby in his arms.
Jake. was alternately taking a sip of formula and then spitting the nipple out and fussing.
"It's a wonder anyone ever finds the time to have a second baby if this is what happens after you have the first one." Spike sighed as Jake. spit the nipple out again letting the formula roll down his chin.
"He really doesn't want that bottle. Guess you were right." Buffy sat the bottle on the table.
"No, but he has at least lowered his decibel level." Spike took the baby's small hand in his, Jake. gripped it tightly and stopped crying, giving him the sweetest smile.
"I think he just woke up in a strange room maybe?" Buffy offered as Jake. turned towards her voice and offered her the same sweet smile.
"That's probably it. He seems happy now though."
"Yeah, he does." Buffy kissed the baby's forehead, "He's really amazing isn't he?"
"He is, " Spike answered, "But he comes from a pretty amazing family. Joyce, Dawn, you."
"And you. Earlier did you realize you said "our" Jake.? That's kind of scary, because he is ours now. Probably the most wonderful scariest gift we've ever received all rolled up in this one little chubby cheeked baby. Things are never going to be the same are they?" Buffy asked as she wiped the formula off the baby's face.
"No, they aren't. But didn't you figure that out before now? Like when we tried to go to the grocery store the other night and realized we had to pack a small suitcase just to get out the door or when I spent an hour yesterday morning looking for that darn binky when we lost it, " his voice was light and teasing, "or... "
"Or the fact that you actually said the word darn instead of your usual word." Buffy added raising an eyebrow.
"There's that saying about little pitchers and big ears or something like that. One of these days he'll start talking and I'm guessing you won't be happy if he goes to school spouting profanities." Spike shifted the baby as Jake's eyes began to get heavy.
"You are so sure of this... this parenting thing, and I'm still worried that I'm not cut out for this job, you know?" She sighed and picked a bit of fuzz off Jake's jammies.
"I know, but everyday it's gonna get easier. I promise." He kissed her hand as the baby's heavy eyes finally closed in sleep, "Buffy, you've done the parenting thing before, with Dawn and you did a good job of it. Jake's just a bit smaller and hey he can't talk back or argue yet."
"And Dawn trusted us to do this." Buffy added in a soft voice.
"Yeah, and we aren't gonna let the Niblet down." Spike rose from the chair carrying the sleeping baby protectively towards the stairs.
Angel smiled at the information he had written down. He had finally found a source into Wolfram and Hart. His notes held vital information about Chris and Dawn's death. He just needed to call Buffy now.