Homeward bound, she decided to treat herself to a cocoa. She stood at the counter patiently waiting her turn to order, the waitress smiled, "What can I get you?"
Before she could answer she was interuppted by a familiar voice,a voice from her past, "If memory serves she wants a small cocoa with extra whipped cream."
Buffy turned to find one Riley Finn smiling down at her. The waitress looked confused as she looked from the tall goodlooking man to the petite blond. "Oh, yes, that's what I want." Buffy nodded.
"I'll just have a plain black coffee, please." Riley told the girl with a smile.
"Riley, wow." Buffy took her cocoa and went to sit at a booth, Riley followed her. "What are you doing in Sunnydale?"
"Cleaning out the last bit of Iniative equipment." He told her as he sipped the hot coffee.
She raised an eyebrow, "They still have some stuff here?"
"Not to worry, it's not being used, the Army can be slow about clean up, I just finished packing up everything that was left and sent it on to Washington." He smiled at her taking in the way her hair fell in soft tendrils around her face as it escaped the clip that haphazardly held it in place. She had let it grow since he had seen her last. "I stuck around after the others left, actually thought I might get to see you."
"And here I am." Buffy grinned at him, he was still so Riley, hair short and neat, maybe he had aged a bit in his eyes, but people who had proffesions like they did tended to age. She wondered if Sam was around.
"Yes, here you are, how is everyone? The gang, the kid?"
"Lets see, Giles is in England living a happily with Olivia, Willow is in Tennessee teaching, Xander and Anya live here, he has a business and she stays at home with the baby." Buffy smiled at the thought of the chubbycheeked little girl who favored her daddy. "The kid as you call her is not a kid anymore, she is in college in LA."
"Dawn in college, hard to believe. And Xander and Anya have a baby... " His voice became wistful, "Sam and I talked about havingkids."
"You would be a great dad, I'm sure." Buffy smiled over her cocoa, "Where is Sam? Is she here?"
Riley's face fell as soon as the words left her mouth, "Riley, I'm sorry..is something wrong?"
"Buffy, Sam was killed eighteen months ago on a mission, I tried to get to her but it was impossible, she was gone.." Riley took another sip of coffee and sighed. "I miss her."
"I'm so sorry, Riley. I know how you feel though, the pain of losing someone you love...it's unbearable." She rested her smaller hand on his, her gentle touch showing her sympathy for him.
"That's partly why I'm here, why I wanted to see you. I want to leave the military, Buffy. I still want to fight the good fight,but I just can't be in the military anymore...too many memories." "Riley..." Buffy started but was cut off midsentence.
"Buffy, I know that Spike won't like it... but I just want to find a simple honest job and help you with the night work." Riley's voice was soft and pleading.
"Riley, Spike won't be a problem for you... "
"You finally wised up and staked him?" Riley asked with a small smile. Buffy removed her hand from his.
"No, I didn't stake him... I loved him Riley. Right up until the moment that he took a swing from a sword aimed at my head... it took his instead. I know how unbearable it is to lose someone you love because I've been there too...by the time I got to him..he was dust and the swordsman.. well he was dead." Buffy finished her story with fresh tears in her eyes.
"Buffy... I would have never made that staking remark if I had known. I'm sorry." He reached for her hand and squeezed it.
"I know you wouldn't have, it's okay. Spike on a good day could be annoying as all get out and to you he must have been worse, but he did love me and took care of me as best he could. I miss him too." She stared at her cup for a long time before looking back up at him, "Do you really want to come back to Sunnydale?"
"I really do. I just need to find a job, nothing too fancy, I have some money saved up and then I can help you. I think maybe it might be good for both of us." He smiled at her as he finished his coffee.
"Well, I know someone who might hire you if you aren't afraid of some construction work?" She asked softly.
"I can do construction." He grinned at her.
"Here is Xander's number. Give him a call," She looked the clock on the wall, "You better call tomorrow, if you wake up the baby you'll never hear the end of it!" She wrote a number on a napkin and handed it to him as she stood. "I better go... it was good to see you Riley."
Riley took the number and folded it putting it in his wallet, "It was good to see you again too Buffy. I look forward to working with you again."
"Yeah, it will be nice. Goodnight." She smiled at him as she walked out of the coffee shop. Her mood was a bit lighter as she walked the short distance to her apartment. It was going to be nice having Riley around...
The office was modestly furnished but very nice. Riley sat waiting for his interview with Mr. Harris, he had handed his resume into the secretary who sat drinking coffee, she clicked the intercom with one long red nail, "Mr. Harris, there is a man here for an interview, I put his application on your desk."
"Thank you Mandy." Xander skimmed over the stack of applications on his desk, his face lit up when he saw Riley Finn's name on the top application, "Please send Mr. Finn in."
"You can go in now." Mandy smiled at Riley and nodded towards the office door.
Riley stood and thanked Mandy as he walked into Xander's office. She quickly hit the office intercom, "Mr. Harris you should hire this one for sure, he has a great butt!" She giggled softly into the phone.
Xander grinned, Mandy was one of kind, "I think that remark could be construed as harrassment Mandy. " He laughed as he hit the intercom button off just as Riley entered the room.
"Riley, it's good to see you." Xander stood and outstretched his hand to the former soldier. Riley grasped the offered hand in a warm handshake.
"It's good to see you to Xander, you've doen very well for yourself." Riley stated as he looked around the office.
"I'm happy." Xander smiled and nodded for Riley to sit down across from him, "Buffy told me about your plans. I wanted to offer my sympathy about the loss of Sam, she seemed to be a wonderful woman the one time I met her."
Rley nodded, "Thanks, it's still hard sometimes and you're right she was wonderful." Riley leaned forward to look at the five by seven family portrait sitting on Xander's desk. Xander, Anya and a dark haired baby smiled back at him. "She's adorable, Xander."
Xander smiled broadly, "Yes she is, her name is Erin and she's... well she and Anya are everything to me."
"And here is the extended famly?" Riley picked up a smaller photo of Buffy and Dawn. Dawn smiled brightly for the camera, Buffy was smiling too, but she wasn't looking directly at the camera, he could tell her attention was somewhere else.
"Yeah, those are my other girls." Xander picked up the photo, "She's still beautiful isn't she?"
Riley nodded, "That she is."
"That was taken in the hospital waiting room after Erin was born. Buffy was listening to Spike crack some stupid joke, thats why she's looking off, but she looked so darn happy, its one of my favorite pics of her. So, you really want to settle here and help fight the good fight again?" Xander asked setting the picture back on his desk.
"Yeah, I just need a daytime job too. Buffy said she thought you could help there."
"I think I can, we have several jobs going and I can always use another strong worker. Do you have any experience at all?" Xander asked as he rifled through some papers on his desk.
"A little back in high school, helped lay flooring and did some framework." Riley leaned back in the chair.
"Alright then, I can use you at the Jackson law offices, I'm putting up their new building. Here's the address, be there at 6:30 in the morning and we'll start work." Xander smiled as he explained the salary and benefits of the job. The two men stood and shook hands again, "Riley just go tell Mandy outside that you are starting tomorrow, she'll fill out the paperwork."
"Thanks, Xander. I really appreciate your help. I'm really looking forward to being here... with everyone again." Riley turned to leave.
"Riley." Xander called out before he could get to the door.
"Yes>" Riley turned back towards Xander.
"This is absolutely none of my business... but I've been living with Anya a while now and her...ummmm...straightforwardness..has rubbed off on me." Xander sighed as he looked down at his desk.
"What do you want to know, Xander?" Riley asked a small frown marring his handsome face.
"Have you thought about,,,,you and Buffy? I mean I know you've both lost people you loved, but at one time I really thought that you two were ... were going to make it...be happy. And I just wondered if you had thought about that at all." Xander sat down again and watched Riley's reaction to his question.
"Xander... I... well I would be lying if I said that after seeing her again and knowing she's unattached that it didn't cross my mind. I loved Sam, I did. But what I had with Buffy... well like I told you that one time ...I just knew she was the one... and then she...wasn't. I'm not blaming her, she was going through so much more then I could fathom back then and I wanted to take it all off of her small shoulders and when she wouldn't break down, well I was scared of how well she could handle things without me." Riley leaned back against the closed door and ran his hand through his short hair.
"Riley, there were mistakes on both sides there. Buffy realized that after you left, but then things with Glory and her mom just moved so fast, she just didnt' have time to worry about her personal life too. But I know she loved you." Xander nodded his head for emphasis.
"She also loved Spike? I'm not sure I can follow that, I'm not sure I want to try too. She's still in here." Riley patted the shirt pocket over his heart, "But so much has happened... I just don't know if we can ever go back. So for now, I'm an old friend helping out an old friend."
"I understand that. But as the self proclaimed interferer in Buffy's personal life... I have to tell you I think you two could be good for each other, but I also have to tell you that if you don't think you can handle Buffy's past with Spike then don't even try ... I won't see her hurt again." Xander raised his eyebrow at Riley, "She's been hurt and lost too many people."
"I would never hurt her." Riley put his hand on the door knob,
"Not on purpose but you did once a long time ago. But this is a fresh start. I'll see you in the morning then?"
"In the morning." Riley closed the office door behind him, his thoughts full of the blond he was meeting for lunch. Buffy... I didn't come back to hurt you.
"Thanks, Mr. Finn." Mandy was eyeing him appreciatively as he finished signing his w-4 forms.
"Your welcome." He graced her with a grin as he left the office.
"There you are." Buffy waved to him from a corner table in a small cafe, it was new and Riley had to ask directions how to find it. She looked so soft and pretty in a simple cream peasant top over jeans and boots. Her hair pulled up lazily with a clip, soft tendrils framing her face. He took one look and realized he could fall in love with her all over again, a twinge of guilt crept over him. Sam had only been gone eighteen months, that whole conversation with Xander - what had he been thinking?
"So are you gainfully employed now, Mr. Finn?" She asked as she sipped her water.
"Yes, I am. I start tomorrow." Riley grinned at her as he picked up his water glass.
"Then we can start patrolling tomorrow night, that way you can rest up for your first day of work." Buffy told him as she pored over the menu.
"No, I think I'd rather start tonight it thats okay. We can do some more catching up while we patrol,." He picked up his own menu.
"If you're sure that's great. There is a nest of vamps in a tunnel beneath the cemetary. Clem told me about them earlier today." The waitress appeared and Buffy placed her order.
"Clem?" Riley asked after ordering his own lunch.
"Yes, Clem. He was a good friend of Spike's. He likes to help out and since he kind of has a yellow streak when it comes to actual fighting, he likes to be information guy." Buffy smiled at Riley, "You'll like him."
Riley nodded, "I'm sure I will." This was a part of Buffy's life that had been a problem for him before, she was into very grey areas, while he still tended to see in black and white.
Buffy stood when she finished her lunch," I've got to get back to work. But if you really want to patrol, meet me at my place about nine'o'clock tonight."
Riley stood as she did, "Okay, I'll see you then."
"See you then" She went to pay her bill, then turned around, "Oh, you'll need my new address, this is my apartment." She scribbled the address on a napkin.
"You aren't on Revello anymore?" Riley asked as he left a tip on the table.
"No, I haven't lived there for a few years, sold it and sent Dawn to college. This is an apartment that Spike and I shared." She smiled at him as she left the cafe.
She said that so easily as if was the most natural thing, Riley shook his head he would never get used to the fact that Buffy and Spike had actually been together.
Later that evening...
Buffy pulled her hair back in a ponytail and pulled a sweater over her head. The doorbell rang and she took one last look in the mirror before she went to answer it. "Hello, come on in." Couldnt' believe she was actually primping to go on patrol, she convinced herself it had nothing to do with Riley at all.
Riley walked into the neatly kept apartment. It was furnished with some familiar pieces from Buffy's moms collection and also some pieces that were distinctly Buffy. She motioned for him to go into the living room, "WAnt a coke before we leave?" She walked towards the kitchen.
"Sure." He called as he walked towards the wood mantel over the fireplace that dominated the living room. Over the mantel hung a large framed pen and ink drawing of Buffy and Spike. Buffy was smiling, the artist had captured her smile and bright eyes perfectly. Spike's arms encircled her waist from behind his chin resting on her shoulder, her face slightly tilted towards his. They looked like any other couple in... love? Had she really loved Spike?
"Here you go?" Buffy handed him his coke and noticed his interest in the portrait. "A friend of Gile's did that for us on a trip to England. It's lovely isn't it?"
"Yeah, it's nice. I was just wondering, isn't it hard to look at?" Riley asked as he sipped his coke.
"Sometimes, it used to be harder right after it happened but I think you would know better then anyone that we need reminders of those we love." Buffy tilted her head and looked at him with a smile, "Let me see your wallet."
"What?" Riley asked even as he pulled his wallet from his back pocket and handed it to her.
Buffy grinned as she opened the wallet and looked in the photo compartment,afer a moment she found what she was looking for,"Look see, you still have your wedding picture in your wallet. Spike and I weren't married but we might as well have been."
"Buffy, I don't mean to offend you in anyway, but I just have a hard time accepting that you loved him. I mean this was Spike, yeah even I knew he cared about you and looked out for you but to love him?" Riley sat down on the couch placing his coke on marble coaster.
Buffy sat down next to him, he could see she was irritated, "Did you love Sam?" She asked seriously.
"Of course I did! If I didn't love her I wouldn't have married her." Riley replied defensively.
"But you think I would just shack up with a vampire? That I would just take advantage of having a bodyguard who happened to be great in bed as a tradeoff for love? Some things don't change do they Riley? Still all black and white for you?" She stood then and reached for her jacket off the back of a rocking chair.
"Buffy I didn't mean it that way...I just...I don't know what I meant." Riley stood and walked towards her.
"I loved him just like you loved Sam. Okay, deal with it or ...or maybe this working together was a bad idea." She was chewing on her bottom lip now, a habit he remembered from so long ago.
"I'm sorry, it's really none of my business anyway. I...lets go patrol and forget about this okay?" He held out her hand to her, "Lets start over."
She hesitantly took his hand and shook it firmly, "Okay, Hello, Riley, ready to patrol?" She offered him a hesitant smile.
"Yes, patrol that's what I'm here for. Let's go." He let go of her hand and followed her out of the apartment.
The patrol was uneventful and ended early. "Same time tomorrow?" Riley asked as he dropped Buffy off at her apartment.
"Yes, that would be good." Buffy pulled her jacket closer around her and turned to walk away.
"Buffy," Riley called after her.
She turned, "Yes."
"I am sorry about earlier."
"I know. It's okay." She walked into the apartment and hit the playback on her answering machine, one message from Dawn.
Dawns voice filled the room, "Hey, thought I might catch you before patrol, guess not. Or maybe you are on a hot date? Buffy, it's been two years, he wouldnt' want you to be alone. I'll talk to you soon."
"Dawn!" Buffy said exasperatedly to the empty room. Her sister meant well she loved her, she had loved Spike too, but she was afraid Buffy would be alone forever. As she undressed for bed she thought about Riley, for a moment earlier today she had felt a flutter like she hadn't felt since Spike died, that little bit of spark that had drawn her to Riley in the first place. But even if he got over Sam's death, he obviously couldn't deal with her relationship with Spike. She sighed as she crawled into the lonely bed.
I screwed that up big time, Riley told himself as he set the alarm clock for work the next morning. He remembered his talk with Xander, he didn't need to complicate his life by falling for Buffy again. She evidently had really loved Spike and she might not ever get over him.
He was here to do a job, to fight a fight. "Yeah Finn, keep telling yourself thats the only reason you're here and maybe you'll convince yourself." He said aloud as he punched the hotel pillow and tried to sleep. Maybe it would be better once he got his own place, once he had his and Sam's things around him again.
The clock struck five just as the men finished nailing up the last board of the buildings framework. Riley pushed his sweaty hair off of his forehead and followed his coworkers as they each left the worksite. He had just enough time to get home and cleaned up before he went patrolling with Buffy. His life pretty much revolved around work and patrol lately.
Riley found the makings of a sandwich and threw it together as he finished unpacking part of the dishes. He had moved into his own apartment a few days earlier, but with work and patrol he had not finsished unpacking yet. It was hard to unpack because alot of the items belonged to he and Sam together.
Even in the kitchen, items brought back memories, Sam wasn't much of a cook, his mother had given her a large iron skillet and she had looked as scared of it as she had any monster they had ever faced. His mom had explained that even if she didn't cook she could use it to keep Riley in line. He smiled at the memory. He then remembered another girl cooking for him, so long ago on a rare no patrol night, Buffy had cooked for him, just spaghetti but he remembered it being the best spaghetti dinner he had ever eaten, they had ended up in her bedroom afterwards and... "Whoa, where did that thought come from?" He asked the tupperware bowl he had unpacked. He felt guilty then, he's was unpacking Sam's belongings and thinking of Buffy. How disrespectful was that to Sam's memory?
Buffy drank a cup of tea as she got ready for patrol, Giles would be proud she thought as the hot fluid ran down her throat and warmed her. The days were warm but the nights were getting chilly now. She ran the antique silver brush through her hair as she looked into her dresser mirror. If she closed her eyes, she could still hear Spike's voice on the day he had given it to her. "It reminded me of you love, elegant and beautiful. Just what a proper lady needs for her lovely tresses."
He had ran his hand through her hair and given her that look the one she could never resist. "Who says I'm a proper lady?" She had sighed against his lips. He had laughed out loud at her words as he lifted her and carried her back to bed.
Buffy lovingly touched the back of the brush as she sat it back down on the dresser. "I miss you... " She whispered into the room as she turned out the light and went to meet Riley for patrol.
Riley...a whole new problem. She enjoyed his company, loved having him patrol with her. He was almost her equal in fighting skills and they even had begun a gentle teasing with each other again. All had been well until he moved into his own place few days ago, he was quiet now, it was as if he felt guilty if he laughed. She wanted to help but she wasn't sure where to start.
"Hey!" Buffy called when she saw Riley walking towards her, "Seems to be a slow night so far."
"Good, I could use a slow night." Riley smiled at her, she looked lovely. He quickly fell into step beside her.
"So, how are you? Are you settled in yet, all unpacked?" Buffy asked as she investigated a sound that turned out to be a cat. She had sent the tabby on it's way and laughed softly, as she thought about Clem's kitten poker game.
"What's so funny?" Riley had asked as he watched the kitten scurry under a bush.
"Clem... the kitten reminded of him." Buffy answered as they continued to walk.
"Clem, Spike's friend?"
"Yeah, I met him at a kitten poker game." Buffy laughed again.
"Kitten poker?" Riley raised his eyebrow at her.
"Yes. I don't think he plays anymore though. We're close to his crypt, would you like to meet him?" Buffy asked as they approached the gate to the cemetary.
"Yeah, I think I would." Riley followed her as she walked to the familiar crypt, he remembered it from the infamous egg incident. So long ago now, things had changed so much since that day in the crypt.
"Here we are." Buffy knocked lightly on the door.
"Come in." Clem called over the television.
"Hey, Clem." Buffy called out to the floppy eared demon, "This is Riley."
Clem stood and offered his hand to Riley, "Nice to meet you."
Riley shook Clem's hand, "Nice to meet you too, Buffy's told me a lot about you."
Clem nodded his head, "Buffy's sweet."
"Yes, she is." Riley agreed.
"Well, have a seat, haven't seen you for awhile." Clem motioned for them to sit down, "I have snacks, are you hungry?"
Riley answered, "No. I'm good."
"No, thanks." Buffy told him as she sat down, "Have you heard any thing that might be useful to me? It's been really quiet tonight."
"No, there's nothing new since that last nest I told you about. And by the way excellent job of taking them out. Spike would have been proud." Clem smiled broadly.
"Thank you for telling me about them." Buffy replied.
"Did you know Spike?" Clem looked at Riley.
"Yes, I did." Riley answered shaking his head.
"We played poker together, how did you meet him?"
"Actually I was with the Iniative when I met him." Riley replied hesitantly.
Clem's eyes got wide, "You were with the group that chipped Spike?"
"It's okay, Clem. He's a good guy, he's not with them anymore." Buffy spoke softly, "You don't have to be scared of Riley."
"Oh, well uh...it's just..." Clem scratched his head, "Spike was my friend. But if Buffy says you're okay then I believe her."
"I'll be honest with you Clem, Spike and I weren't really friends, but he was there for Buffy and I have to respect him for that." Riley looked at Buffy when he said the words and was happy when he saw her smile.
The three sat and watched an ancient episode of Knight Rider before Buffy and Riley excused themselves to finish patrol. Riley drove Buffy home, "I'm glad you introduced me to Clem."
"I told you that you would like him." Buffy told him as she played with her scarf, "Did you mean what you said about Spike? About respecting him?"
"Yeah, I did." Riley nodded, "He obviously did love you and he took care of you."
" He did, and I miss him. Sam was a good person too. I'm glad you found her and I'm sorry you lost her." Buffy opened her car door.
"I miss her too, is it still hard for you?" Riley asked before she could get out of the car.
"Yes, but it gets easier. Sometimes when I'm really mopey, I can hear him saying. 'Go on, live Buffy. Don't mourn me forever.'" She got out of the car and stuck her face in the window, "It will get easier for you too. Some morning you'll wake up and Sam won't be the first thought of your day, you'll feel bad when you realize it that first time, but then it gets easier."
"I hope so. Goodnight, Buffy." Riley watched her as she walked back to her apartment, he watched the lights go on and as he started to pull away he realized it was already getting a little easier.
The worksite was busy with last minute preparations for the weekend. Riley was washing his hands with a water hose outside the building when Xander approached, "Hey Boss." Riley turned off the water and turned to Xander.
"Riley, I was just wondering, would you like to come to the house tomorrow afternoon for lunch, maybe watch a game?" Xander asked with a smile, "It would be nice to catch up let you meet Erin."
"That would be great, Xander. My social calender is definitely lacking, I'd like to come over." Riley nodded his head as Xander gave him directions to his home.
"See you tomorrow about eleven thirty." Xander waved as he left the worksite, grinning to himself he pulled out his cellphone and dialed.
"Hello," Buffy caught the phone as she walked in from work.
"Buffy, it's me Xander. I was thinking, it's been awhile since you came over, Erin misses you. Why don't you come over for lunch tomorrow?"
"Okay, sounds good Xander. I'll see you tomorrow, got to grab something to eat and patrol."
"Alright, see you then. Hey one more thing, you gonna patrol with Riley tonight?" Xander asked innocently.
"Yes, he's been going every night, why?" Buffy asked, "Is there a reason he can't patrol tonight, he didn't get hurt at work did he?"
Xander smiled at the concern he heard in her voice, "No, I just wondered. I mean, well do you ever think about seeing Riley other then patrolling?"
Buffy clicked her tongue, "Xander, this is not your business." She gave him a soft voiced warning.
"I just.. I hate to see both of you lonely. And face it Buffy, Spike would hate for you to be lonely, as much as I hate to admit bleach boy cared more about your happiness then how he felt about Riley."
"You know, Xander, Riley lost his wife recently, a wife he found, fell in love with and married after me. I don't think he really is thinking about a new relationship now."
"Okay, point taken. But how about you? Would you ever consider it?" Xander knew he was pushing, could feel the aggravation building in Buffy but he wanted to know how she felt.
"Xander... I don't know, okay. I don't know. I don't want to be a convienient replacent for his wife."
"Buffy, you could never be a replacement. I'm sorry I pushed, see you tomorrow, okay?" Xander said goodbye and hung up the phone.
Buffy stared the phone for a moment after she hung it up, she loved Xander, he was one of her best friends, but this really was none of his business.
A knock at her door interrupted her thoughts, she answered it to find a freshly scrubbed Riley. "Ready for patrol?"
"It's a little early." Buffy raised her eyebrows at him.
"Well I was wondering it you might want to grab a burger first. I'm tired of my own cooking and we could run into the Doublemeat on the way." Riley grinned, "Unless you would rather go somewhere else, those hats probably bring back really bad memories."
Buffy laughed softly, "No that's fine. Let me change. There are cokes in the kitchen if you want one."
He watched her walk down the hallway to the bedroom before going into the small kitchen to retrieve a soda. The kitchen was small but outfitted with lots of gadgets, a bread machine sat on the counter next to the cappucino machine. A huge mixer with lots of attachements took up most of another counter. He never realized Buffy had cooked that much, Sam would have been lost in here, he grinned, wasn't even sure she would have known how to turn some of these things on. The twinge of guilt hit him then... he shouldn't be comparing Sam to Buffy. He quickly left the kitchen to find Buffy coming down the hall, she had changed into a faded pair of jeans and a pastel peasant top, he could have sworn she looked as young as the first day he met her.
"You ready?" She asked as she toed the sneakers in the living room floor on.
"Sure, let me put this glass in the sink." Riley told her and turned to the kitchen.
"You put your own dishes up?" Buffy grinned at him, "Sam was a lucky woman!"
He grinned back, "So Spike didn't always pick up after himself?"
"Not always, he liked to leave wet towels on the floor too. I guess I didn't train him as well as she trained you." Buffy teased back.
"Well I wss in the military so I do well with orders." He laughed softly as he went into the kitchen.
Buffy was waiting by the door for him when he returned, "I meant to ask, do you use all of those fancy gadgets in that kitchen? I seem to remember you could make a mean dish of spaghetti but not much else." Riley followed her outside.
"Yes, I can use those nifty appliances. I took some cooking courses a few years ago. I tried out new recipes on Spike."
"Spike ate real food?" Riley asked as he opened his car door for her.
"Oh, yeah, I'd liberally lace it with blood and he ate it up." Buffy grinned as she climbed in the car.
Riley made a face, "Ugh."
"I'm teasing, he ate real food!" Buffy shook her head at Riley and laughed.
"Well, I didn't know!" Riley rolled his eyes at her.
"I'm a very good cook, you should come by sometime and let me cook for you."
"That would be... nice." Riley glanced at Buffy, while his mind drifted back to the earlier memory of her cooking for him and how that night had ended.
"Riley? Riley?" Buffy was calling his name interrupting the best part of the memory.
Another small pang of guilt hit him over the memory as he turned to face Buffy again.
"I said what about this weekend?" Buffy was snapping her fingers to get his attention.
"We'll see, I've got lunch at Xanders tomorrow we're watching the game."
"Oh, hey, I'm invited to lunch tomorrow too!" Buffy chewed on her bottom lip, Xander was definitely up to something.
"Well then I guess we better make it another weekend, with all of this patrolling I don't want you to get tired of me." Riley tapped the steering wheel stealing a glance at Buffy, was that dissappoinment on her face.
Buffy tried to smile and sound lighthearted, "Yeah... wouldn't want you to get tired of me either." Maybe she had read him wrong earlier, the easy banter and she had caught him looking at her more then once. Your pitiful Buffy she told herself, poor guy is still grieving and you're seeing things that aren't there.
The rest of the evening was quiet until they reached downtown, in an alley behind the Bronze they had run into trouble, Riley had come to help Buffy with the last of a group of vamps. The vamp had gotten a second wind and decided to run for it shoving Buffy hard so she stumbled backwards pushing Riley down and landing on him. He had quickly set himself up easing Buffy up to a sitting position, "You okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine." Buffy sighed, "Thanks for being here I had forgotten what if felt like to have some one guard my back on patrol. " She looked up at him and raised her hand to brush some dirt off of his cheek.
He caught her hand in his and looking in her eyes smiled, "It's no problem, I like guarding your back."
Her eyes met his and as if it was the most natural thing in the world she lifted her face to his, he met her halfway his lips brushing hers in the most delicate of kisses.
Buffy's brought her hand to tangle in the short hair at the nape of his neck encouraging him. Riley instinctively opened his mouth slightly, allowing Buffy's tongue access. The kiss deepened even more as both participants seem to lose themselves in the moment. Riley moved to stand, pulling Buffy up and into his arms never breaking the kiss. He carried her through the cemetary his eyes on hers only glancing away occasionally as he navigated the tombstones.The sight of the car brought him back to reality - what was he doing, taking advantage of Buffy like this?
"I'm...I'm sorry." He gasped as he finally broke the kiss and sat her down beside the car.
"Sorry?" Buffy was confused. She had enjoyed the kiss, it had been so long since anyone had kissed her...and she had always enjoyed Riley's kisses, sweet, gentle yet so full of passion. Why was he sorry? Was he regretting the kiss? Was she too pushy?
"I shouldn't have done that." Riley opened the car door for her and motioned for her to get in. He walked around and got in on the driver's side, "I didn't mean to be forward like that."
"I didn't complain." Buffy tried to smile at him.
"No, you didn't but... it's just not right for us to do ...that right now. I mean you miss Spike and I miss Sam and we shouldn't be kissing each other because we're lonely." He sighed, he did miss Sam but truthfully he had wanted to kiss Buffy the last couple of nights that they had patrolled. He was just afraid and feeling a bit guilty, in his heart he knew that Sam would want him happy. But could he give his heart away again? Losing Buffy the first time was hard enough, then finding and losing Sam. What if Buffy wasn't sure, what if she was thinking of Spike when 'he' kissed her?
Buffy's heart sank, so that was it, he didn't want her... he was lonely and thinking about Sam, she was just a replacement. But this was Riley,the one who did the right thing, he would never allow himself to use her. She forced herself to smile at him and tried to sound lighthearted, "I understand... you're probably right." She turned away from him and stared out the front of the car as he drove her home.
The drive to Buffy's apartment was quiet, Riley mentally kicked himself for his behavior. Even though Buffy was trying to appear okay with everything that had happened he could see that she wasn't okay with it. She was probably feeling guilty about the kiss and he was feeling guilty for not feeling guilty enough about it. What a mess.
"Well, goodnight." Buffy said softly as she opened the car door, "Thanks for the ride."
"No problem, I guess I'll see you tomorrow at Xander's?"
"Yeah, sure I'll be there." Buffy waved and smiled before she turned to walk away. Riley never saw the tears roll down her cheeks as she unlocked the door into the quiet loneliness of her apartment.
She sat down on the edge of her bed picking up the minature portrait of she and Spike that sat by the bed, the same artist who had done the portrait over the fireplace had gifted them with a framed minature. She traced the strong cheekbones in the picture,I do miss you Spike. But I know you would want me to go on, I know you want me happy. I was too pushy and I scared him or... he was thinking of Sam... and he probably thinks I'm terrible because I wasn't thinking of you... And if you were watching tonight, you would be saying "Summers why do you have to make things so bloody complicated!" She sat the picture down and forced herself to fall into a fitful sleep.
"Way to go Riley!" Riley said out loud to his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he got ready for bed. Could I have confused her more? Kissed her then apolgized for it? I'm not really sorry I kissed her, it felt so good, kissing Buffy was always good. But we've both lost people... she must think I'm such a jerk... lost my wife and kissing her knowing she loved someone else. He was going to get no rest tonight he could already tell.
Riley knocked on the front door at Xander's house, Anya let him in, she was carrying the baby from the picture on Xander's desk on her hip. The little girl was adorable she flashed him a toothless grin. "Hello, Riley. It's so nice to see you come in."
He followed her into the living room where Xander was on the phone, "It's okay, you stay home and feel better. If you need help with patrol tonight let me know... Yes! I can still remember how to patrol." Xander smiled and rolled his eyes,, "Goodbye." He hung up the phone noticing Riley.
"Hey, I couldn't help but overhear "patrol" was that Buffy?" Riley asked concerned.
"Yes, she won't make it today, she's not feeling well. Was she okay last night?"
Riley nodded his head, "She seemed okay last night. Guess she must have got sick during the night." Great now she's avoiding me.
"Ready to watch the game?" Xander asked as he turned the large screen tv on and sat down on the couch.
"Yeah, that sounds good." Riley tried to sound cheerful.
"Would you like something to drink before lunch?" Anya asked she put the baby in a playpen in the corner.
The men both requested sodas and Anya left to get them.
"That was great play!" Xander exclaimed.
"Huh?" Riley asked as he thoughtfully sipped his soda.
"That play...you really aren't into this game are ya Riley?" Xander asked raising his eyebrow.
"Sure I am. Great play." Riley tried to cover.
"Whats the score?" Xander prodded.
"Ummm... score?" He fidgeted with the sofa pillow next to him, "Okay Xander. You're right. I've got some other stuff on my mind."
"Is this other stuff, blonde and about yea high?" Xander asked lifting his arm to approximate Buffy's small stature.
"Could be." Riley shook his head at his friend.
"What happened? Maybe something to make Buffy decide to be sick today?" Xander picked up the remote and turned down the tv. "Riley, I told you I didn't want her hurt." Xander's tone was serious.
Riley leaned back against the sofa and closed his eyes, sighing loudly, he opened them again and looked at Xander, "I kissed her last night."
Xander hit the off button on the tv, "You kissed her? How did that go?"
"Well, she's not here today, what do you think?" Riley rubbed his hand across his face, "It just happened, she had been fighting she got pushed and fell on me, and she just looked so...well I kissed her."
"Did she hit you or kiss you back? I'm not getting the problem?"
"She kissed me back, great kiss, wonderful sweet kiss... " He smiled slightly at the memory then a frown made its way back across his face, "Then I stopped it and apolgized."
"She kissed you back - then you stopped the kiss and apologized?" Xander looked more confused then usual, "Why? I mean if she seemed in to the kiss."
"Well, it dawned on me that she still misses Spike, it was wrong to push myself at her, and what if she's just lonely, and she was thinking of him when we kissed? I'm not quite willing to get my heart squashed by Buffy Summers again." Riley stood up and began to pace around the living room.
"First off, there was mutual heart squashing between the two of you, you both made mistakes." Xander told him as he also stood, Erin was beginning to fuss in the playpen. He made his way to her, she reached her chubby arms out to her Daddy and he picked her up, kissing her cheek "Secondly, you're right Buffy does miss Spike as she should, she loved him. You miss Sam as you should, you loved her. But that doesn't mean that you are a replacement for him or visa versa. You need to work this guilt thing out, Riley. I think talking to Buffy would be a great start. Tell her how you feel or you've lost her again before you even start..." He patted the babies back, "She's probably hungry, I'm going to get her a bottle."
Riley smiled at the picture father and daughter made in front of him, Xander was right, he needed to talk to Buffy - now. "Xander do you mind if I get a raincheck on lunch? I think there's someone I need to talk too."
"It's okay, go... work this out." He grinned at Riley as he waved him out the front door.
Buffy frowned at her reflection in the mirror, her mom had once told her that you could talk yourself into being sick. Since her lie to Xander this morning about not feeling well, it seemed to have come true. She was still in her bathrobe and had been curled up on the couch most of the day, flipping through the tv channels and rereading months old magazines. She had finally decided it was time to get up and get dressed, moping about what had happened last night was not helping the situation. Her mind drifted back to the first soft kiss last night and her heart clenched, it had seemed so right...
Riley sat outside Buffy's building for twenty minutes before finding the courage to knock on her door. You can fight whatever they throw at you but you can't face one tiny blonde, he chided himself as he knocked.
Buffy was pulled from her memory abruptly by a knock at her door, great probably some salesmen to annoy her, they often chose Saturday to come by. She pushed her hair away from her face and pulled her robe tighter around her as went to the door, "Look, I'm sorry but I'm not interested!" She had the words out before the door was all the way opened.
Riley stood there with a hurt look on his face, "I'll just leave then."
Buffy's face fell, "I'm sorry... I thought you were a salesman. No, come on in." She watched his expression perk up some.
"You're sure?" He smiled at her a full blown Riley smile as he entered the apartment.
"Yes, I'm sure." She then realized the state she was in, "I'm sorry about...I've been lazy today. Let me change and do my hair."
He put his hand on her arm, taking in the faded robe and the waves of messy blond hair, "You look beautiful as always, can we talk?"
She blushed at the compliment, "Thanks... talk? I don't ever seem to be good at that." She told him as she followed him to the couch.
"Me either... but I really think that we need to try to do better." He pushed a stray golden curl behind her ear.
She sat down beside him, "I'm willing."
He smiled at her again, "I guess this talk is about overdue. Lots of questions unanswered between us."
"But I think it's time to get it all out." Buffy curled her feet under her and turned towards him.
" We'll start off easy, why didn't you come to Xander's today? Were you really sick?" Riley asked Buffy as he took her hand and gave it a squeeze.
"You call that easy?" Buffy smiled as she felt the pressure of his larger hand around hers, it felt safe, " No, I wasn't really sick. But I thought... that maybe it would be better to not be around you. I thought maybe you might be uncomfortable since you were sorry about the kiss." She slipped her hand from his and played with the tie on her robe.
"I have a confession," Riley placed his hand on her chin and tilted her head so he could look in her eyes, "I lied, I wasn't sorry about the kiss."
"You weren't? I mean I can understand if you felt guilty about it or if...you weren't thinking about me..at the time." Buffy bit her bottom lip waiting for his reply.
"I wanted to kiss you Buffy, and I was thinking about 'you' during the kiss." He took a deep breath, "I was more worried that you weren't thinking about me...that it was Spike you were kissing, not me."
"Riley... I loved Spike, he's gone though and last night, it was you and me, I was thinking about you, no one else." Buffy frowned slightly, "Do you believe me?"
"Yes, I do but it's not easy, everywhere I look in this apartment, I see him, pictures and books that I know must have been his. When I left town and I would think about coming back to you... Spike was never a worry to me, but now I see just how much he meant to you." Riley stood up and began to pace the livingroom.
"You thought about coming back for me?" Buffy asked surprised at the thought.
"Of course I did. But I was stubborn and then the days turned to weeks that turned to months and then..." He sighed.
"Then you met Sam?" She finished for him.
"Yeah. I met Sam."
"Riley do you still have that wedding picture in your wallet? Aren't there still some of Sam's things in your apartment? It's the same thing we loved them it's okay to have reminders of them around. You could never replace Spike, "
"Of course not!" Riley shook his head at her anger flooding him.
"No, I mean you can't replace Spike, just like I can't replace Sam." Buffy stood and walked towards him, "I still have a book of poetry that Angel gave me on my birthday, Spike hated it, he hid it more then once in the back of the closet." Buffy laughed at the memory, "But he also had one of Dru's dolls tucked away in a box. If you think following Spike, who was with me for five years is hard try following the girlfriend that he had for one hundred twenty years!"
"Okay how did you do it then?" Riley asked shrugging his shoulders, "How did you move on? Obviously you found a way."
"Yeah, we decided that we were always gonna love and remember them. But we also loved each other, so Spike had a section of his heart reserved for Dru and I have a part for Angel and now for Spike." She touched his cheek, "And you have a place for Sam and you always will."
Her touch was soft and warm on his cheek and she made it all sound so easy, "You're right, but Sam's not the only one with a reserved sign on a section of my heart."
"So theres another girl I should know about?" Buffy teased lightly.
"Buffy Summers has a part of my heart and has since that first time I left Sunnydale." He replied as he leaned into her warm touch.
She smiled at him and stood on her tip toes brushing her lips against his, "I always regretted nto getting there in time, watching that helicopter leave, broke my heart."
He pulled away from her in shock, "You came that night?"
"Yeah, Xander talked to me and I ran as fast as I could but it was too late."
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" He asked as he took her hand and led her to sit back down on the couch.
"Like you said, stubborn and then time passed and I... "
"You fell in love with Spike."
Buffy nodded her head, "Yeah I did. But I never forgot you Riley."
He laughed soflty, "We are quite the pair aren't we?"
Buffy replied seriously, "I really need to know that if we... start something that you really want it. I don't think I can go through losing someone again."
"I think I know how you feel," He took her hand in his and raised it to his lips, "How 'bout we take this slow and see what happens."
"Slow is good." She smiled at him as his lips slowly caressed her hand then her wrist, he elbow, her shoulder and then finally her lips.
The kiss was slow and tender and left both of them slightly dizzy, "I better go.." Riley stood up and grinned at her.
"You sure?" She stood up to followed him towards the door.
"Slow, remember?" He leaned his back against the front door.
"Yeah, slow." She kissed him again, her arms wrapping around his neck, "So when will I see you again?"
"Patrol tonight?" He asked as his lips found hers again.
"See you then." She told him as he opened the door. She watched him walk to his car and turn to wave at her.
Buffy walked into the living room and noticed the picture on the mantel, "I know he's not who you would have chosen." She said out loud to the portrait, "But he's a good man, and you know you'll always be right here." She placed her hand over her heart.
Riley could not quit grinning as he drove home. He impulsively pulled into a florist shop.
"May I help you?" An older man asked from behind the counter, his nametag stated that he was Albert.
"A dozen roses please?" Riley smiled broadly and pointed at a large bouquet of pink roses.
"Ah for a special lady?" The man moved to wrap the flowers, "Your wife? An anniversary?"
The other mans words hit him like a ton of bricks, guilt and confusion swept through him. "No... not my wife."
"Oh... I see." The man frowned slightly.
"No, it's not like that, my wife died about a year and a half ago." Riley sighed, "Maybe...maybe the flowers aren't such a good idea."
"I'm sorry to hear that, but the flowers - they are for a new woman in your life?" Albert asked, curiosity getting the best of him.
"Well, yes and no, I knew her before my wife... and we've become reaquainted recently." Riley told him as he looked at the flowers again.
"So you're wife was a good woman? You loved her, she loved you?" Albert prodded.
"Yes we loved each other very much." Riley nodded his head.
"Ah like my Rose, when I was very young I fell in love with Rose. We married in our early twenties. We were married a year when we found out we were going to have a baby. It wasn't meant to be... Rose died delivering our son and he died shortly after." The old man blinked back tears, his voice heavy with old grief.
"I'm...I'm so sorry, sir. To lose your wife is hard enough but your child too." Riley smiled compassionately.
"It was very hard. But a couple of years passed and my parents put me in charge of this shop, it wasn't as big back then, we've expanded over the years." Albert shook his head as if to remember the subject at hand, "So I have to hire someone to help out and in walks this lovely girl - I recognize her we had gone to school together, her name is Elena. She had married and moved away."
Riley listened to the old man intently, "This is going somewhere isn't it?"
The old man grinned, "Yes, but listen." He leaned on the countertop, " So Elena needs a job, her husband Ray was killed in an accident at the shipyards in San Diego and she's moved home. I hire her, she's a good worker, a good listener, a good friend... and then she was more. And I feel bad, I feel guilty, poor Rose gone too young, poor Ray gone too young. But Elena and I - we're still here and even though we miss Rose and Ray, we have each other and we figure out that they would have wanted us happy."
"So you married Elena?" Riley asked with a smile.
"Yes. Forty years ago. We're still married, and I still miss Rose and my baby son sometimes, and she still misses Ray sometimes, but we have a family of our own now, three daughters. Don't let guilt over those gone, keep you from living...from loving." He stood up and picked up the wrapped flowers, "Now do you want these or not?"
"You're a great salesman, Albert." Riley pulled out his wallet, "I'll take them."
"Keep your money this time... these are on the house, take them to her. Let her know you love her." Albert waved a protesting Riley out of the store.
"That was beautiful, Albert." A soft voice came from behind a curtain behind the counter. An older woman with a name tag reading Elena kissed the old man on the cheek as he watched Riley climb into his car, the roses in his hand.
Riley carried the roses into the house and lie them on the countertop. He made a quick sandwich and took it to the livingroom. Sitting on the couch he turned on the tv and noticed the light blinking on the answering machine. He hit the message button and was greeted with Xander's voice, "Riley, just had to ask how the Buffy visit went? Did you guys figure things out? Let me know something."
Riley dialed Xander's number when he finished his sandwich, "Xander?"
"Yeah, so how did it go? Two of my best friends figure out that they need each other yet?" Xander grinned on the other end of the phone.
"Well, we've decided to take things slow, see how things go."
"So are you patroling tonight?"
Riley smiled at the thought, "Yeah, tonight. I got her flowers, you think thats okay?"
Xander laughed, "Riley, she'll love them. That's not normally something she gets on patrol, except maybe if there is an exceptionally pretty arrangement on a grave"
" Ha Ha! We said slow, don't want her to think I'm rushing." Riley countered.
"Flowers are still in the slow lane of courtship, I think your safe." Xander assured him.
They talked a few more minutes and said their goodbyes. Riley took his plate to the kitchen and went to change into his patrol clothes. His eyes rested on the wedding picture sitting atop his dresser. He touched Sam's face, "I do miss you. But I think.. you'd understand." He told the picture as he turned out the light and headed for Buffy's apartment.
Buffy checked her hair for the third time that evening, she had changed clothes twice, she laughed at herself, "It's like my first date or something." She told her reflection as she spritzed herself with a light cologne.
The doorbell rang and she practically ran to answer it. Don't look too anxious Buffy, you decided on slow. Slow, would it be to forward if she kissed him when he came in, on the cheek? She opened the door to find Riley and a large bouquet standing there. "Are those for me?" She asked happily as she let him in and closed the door.
"Well, actually they're for Xander, he's been good about the job and stuff." Riley teased her.
"Okay." Buffy grinned at him.
"But he's not nearly as pretty as you, so I think I'll give them to you instead." He handed her the flowers with a flourish.
"Thank you, they're lovely." She gently sniffed the flowers as she took them to the kitchen and found a vase. "You didn't have to do that."
"I wanted too." He stepped forward, placing a hand on her cheek.
She leaned into the embrace. Her hand found his free hand and held it tightly. Riley leaned down and found her lips then, softly kissing them over and over, she eagerly returned the kisses, letting go of his hand and placing her hands around his neck to pull herself closer to him. After a few moments they both pulled away taking a much needed breath.
Riley laughed softly, "Slow?"
Buffy joined in his laughter, "Slow." She took his hand, "Let's go patrol."
The patrol was a busy one, it seemed like a sold out vamp convention. Buffy and Riley worked smoothly together to dispatch them. The left the cemetary several hours later covered in a fine layer of dust. "Let me get that." Buffy licked her thumb and rubbed at a smudge on Riley's chin.
"Let me return the favor." He wiped at her cheek with his moistened thumb.
Buffy suddenly became shy, pulling back, "Do you want to come back to my place for a snack?"
He smiled at her, "Yeah, I could use a snack."
The trip back to Buffy's was quiet, both passengers in the car taking quick glances at the other, smiling contentedly. "If you want to clean up some, you can go first." Buffy pointed him towards the bathroom.
"If you're sure you don't mind." Riley answered as he moved towards down the hallway.
"No, I don't mind." Buffy walked towards the kitchen.
Riley took off his dirty shirt and turned on the water in the sink, taking a washcloth from a shelf he began to wash the dust from his face and chest.
Buffy rummaged through the cabinets looking for bread, all she could find was her low fat wheat, she wasn't sure that Riley would eat that. She walked towards the bathroom, "Riley?" She called as stopped at the door mesmerized by the sight of him shirtless.
"Yes?" He asked as he lay the washcloth down.
"Ummm...do you?... " Buffy shook her head, "Do you eat low fat wheat bread?"
"Yeah that's fine." He smiled at her, "I think you need a washcloth too." He reached up to the shelf and grabbed another cloth, dipping it into the warm water in the sink. He wrung out the cloth and gently dabbed at Buffy's face.
"Probably need a shower... " The words came out a whisper.
"Yeah...me too." He grinned at her as he continued to tenderly clean her face.
"We could... " She nodded away from him not finishing the sentence.
"We could..." He turned towards the shower turning the water on, adjusting the temperature just right.
Buffy looked between Riley and the steam rising from the shower, she slowly began to unbutton her blouse.
Riley unbuckled his belt and pulled his pants off lying them in a bundle with his discarded shirt. Buffy watched him neatly set them on the back of the toilet. Then his eyes turned back to her as she slid down her jeans and left them in the floor with her blouse. They looked at each other and smiled before reaching for the other and helping with the final bits of clothing. "Water's gonna get cold." Riley told her as he took her hand and pulled back the shower curtain.
"I don't think there's a chance of that." She replied huskily as they climbed into the shower.
The warm water flowed over them washing off the dust from tonights patrol and the pain of the past. Their bodies molded together as lips and hands exlplored familiar terrain. Riley was holding Buffy up against the stall her legs wrapped around him, they pulled away from each other and grinned as in unision they stated the obvious, "So much for slow."
Buffy sighed as she limply fell into Rley's chest. The shower still pelting against them and it had indeed gotten very cold. Riley sighed along with her as he regained his footing he reached behind her and turned off the water, never letting go of his firm hold on her. "We're gonna freeze in here." He laughed softly.
"Yeah, better find somewhere to warm up." She raised her eyebrows suggestively and grinned at him.
In one quick motion he picked her up and carried her from the shower. She grabbed two thick towels from a shelf as he left the bathroom, "That door." She pointed to her bedroom door.
He nudged open the partially opened door with his shoulder and carried her into the room. He looked around the room noting the decor, photos of Buffy, her friends and family lined a large wooden bookshelf . He sat her down on the bed and she handed him a towel. He quickly toweled himself dry as he watched her do the same.
Buffy pulled back the covers and crawled in the bed holding the blanket up in invitation for him, "Come on in, and get warm."
He didn't have to be asked twice as he slid beneath the blanket with her, there bodies creating a nice comfy warmth together. He pulled her close to him his arm around her shoulder, her head resting on his broad chest. She placed a light kiss on his neck and looked up at him, "I guess we should talk about what just happened, huh?"
"Probably." he kissed the top of her head slightly fearful at the serious tone of her voice.
"We said slow." Buffy began to chew on her bottom lip.
"We did." He agreed waiting for her to continue.
"So, umm... I...well I don't want to have rushed you into anything." She began to draw small circles on his chest with her forefinger not looking at him.
He took her hand in his stopping the slow movement of her finger, "Buffy, you didn't rush me into anything. I think it was a mutual rush." He smiled as he looked down into, her scared eyes.
"Are you sure?" She asked tenatively.
"Very sure." He kissed her forehead then.
She laughed softly as she sat up and leaned over him peppering his face with small kisses, "Are you up for some more rushing in?"
He laughed out loud then, a clear strong laugh, the first one in a very long time, "I think I can manage that." He captured her lips with his and the rest of the night became a blur of sometimes slow but always passionate lovemaking. Words of endearment and want and need blended into the night.
Riley woke first. Smiling he watched the blond curled next to him sleeping peacefully, she had a soft contented smile on her face as she snuggled closer to him. He closed his eyes and sighed, last night had been wonderful, only one thing had been missing... neither had said the magic words, "I love you." He fought to keep the worry from engulfing him, Buffy had trouble with those words once before, maybe she was still unsure? What worried him most right now was the fact that he hadn't used the words either.
An alarm went off and he quickly fumbled around looking for the clock before it woke Buffy. She stirred slightly as he reached over her and found the offending noisemaker. He clicked the alarm off and that's when he noticed Spike's piercing eyes staring at him from the frame there. He took a closer look at the picture, was Spike the reason Buffy didn't say 'I love you' or more importantly the reason he didn't say them? Was he afraid that it would be like it was before so many years ago, that Buffy would never completely give herself to him? Maybe by keeping those words to himself it wouldn't hurt so bad this time? He put the frame face down on the table as he leaned back down and lay beside Buffy falling back into an uneasy sleep.
Buffy woke to find herself wrapped protectively against Riley. She smiled and snuggled against him, relishing the warmth. Last night had been perfect, they had known just what the other needed and supplied it unselfishly, she smiled at the memory of his words, "Buffy... I want you so much... " And then he had shown her exactly how much... The smile turned to a worried frown as she rethought the night, they had done exactly what people in love do... yet neither of them had used the words. Why? She was absolutely sure she loved him, why couldn't she tell him? But he didn't tell me either...
Buffy sat up slowly trying not to wake Riley. She needed to talk to someone, what time was it? She glanced at the clock on her nightstand, it read 8:00. Good, Xander would be up now. She slid out of the bed and that's when she noticed the downturned frame on the nightstand, she picked up and looked at Spike's face then back to the man sleeping in her bed... "Oh, Riley." She whispered softly as she ran her hand gently thorugh his hair and went to call Xander.