DISCLAIMER- Nope, I own nothing. Uh. I own the witch's, I guess, but I don't think they're marketable, grr!
RATING- I mention of the death and the sex again, but with more detail, so I'll say 'R' and not be flamed.
SPOILERS- Early Season Five stuff, be warned!
SERIES- 5th of my 'Misadventures of the Scooby Gang' series. This one has continuity in it from the previous fic (Double Date, aka 3 Vampires and a Slayer) but you can live without it, honest!
FEEDBACK- (Adia puts on her 'Buffy pouty face') Yes please! water_stream@yahoo.co.uk
DEDICATION- To Rose- Thank-you so much for helping me with my fic worries, helping with my DisneyLand premise (those pictures are really helping me) and for not being angry when I pulled my longfic with your dedication in it! This fic has been completed, so the dedication will stay, yay! Adia X (PS, I've checked this through twice to ensure it doesn't need re-writing!)
AUTHORS NOTE- which includes SPOILERS to the fic, so is best read afterwards (I don't want to ruin it for you)
1:Okay, between my revision I wrote this to continue my series- the next one will probably be a Spike spin-off! The names a spoof after the 'Blair witch project.' I am way behind with my emails right now by the way, but promise to be replying tonight, I wanted to apologise quick.
2:THIS FIC SPOILERS: The main plot of this fic was inspired by my recent fic 'Purest Love' (no plug!) where in one scene, Xander realises he's the only one who doesn't have anything supernatural about him. It's not really explained in this fic, but I basically wrote that Xander was the only one with no literal connections to the supernatural world (not a vampire hunter or a warlock or an ex demon etc)
3: Just to add about the Witch name reasoning, every time I hear about the 'Blair Witch Project', it reminds me of our British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, so thought I'd do a variant of the 2 top contenders to being the next US President for a laugh.
TEASER- In an attempt to stop Spike, Buffy and the gang have gone to the Initiative for help. Of course, you don't get something for nothing…

ACT I

FADE IN on BUFFY, WILLOW, ANGEL, XANDER and GILES- the core Scooby's. They are standing outside a big scary looking warehouse. Typically, the weather is gothic, as is the case when a scary building is in the vicinity.

BUFFY- "There it is. The house of the Initiative."

XANDER- "Tell me why we're here, again? But revised, so I'm not in it?"

ANGEL- "With Spike gone nuts, we need to get an Initiative guy to put another chip in his head. We don't have any other choice"

WILLOW- "Well, we could just stake Spike, ooh or curse him like we did Angel!"

They all laugh, what two silly ideas!

XANDER- "God, seriously, are you sure you wanna go into that building, which is crawling with commandos and deadly traps?"

ANGEL- "It passes the time"

XANDER- "Monopoly passes the time"

ANGEL puts a pouty face on.

ANGEL- "But it's so hard…"

XANDER- "Why do you date him, Buff? He broods like it's a national past time, won't go out during the day and can't play Monopoly"

BUFFY- "Ah, but he does other things that makes up for it- stuff I won't tell you until you're older"

ANGEL- "It'd make you feel less of a man"

XANDER grumbles, BUFFY giggles and ANGEL sniggers.

GILES- "Focus, kids."

BUFFY- "Sorry. So we enter the warehouse, kidnap one of the Initiative guys and get on the next plane to DisneyLand."

They walk timidly to the door. They start banging on it, trying to make it open.

ANGEL- "D'oh, it's sealed shut!"

SPIKE walks by with a 'DisneyLand' brochure. He seems engrossed, but looks up when he hears them moaning.

SPIKE- "Here, let me get that for you."

He kicks it hard, and the door flies off the hinges.

WILLOW- "Gee, thanks Spike!"

SPIKE- "Any time."

He exits, stage right.

The Scooby's walk into the building, spooky music accompanying. ANGEL gets his flashlight out (A/N- Now, girls tut tut…)

XANDER- "Here! I've got one!"

ANGEL flashes the torch in his direction.

ANEL- "No you haven't, it's just a slimy demon"

XANDER shrieks and lets the demon go.

They turn a corner and enter a bright white room, with blood splattered all over the walls. A meek looking scientist is crouching in a corner.

GILES- "My god, this place is a bloodbath"

WILLOW- "Lets snag the guy and get out of here."

SCIENTIST- "Argh! You're back!"

ANGEL- "No, it's the first time we've come in, actually"

SCIENTIST- "So you're not the two evil witches that kidnapped all the guys, except me as I'm o-old?"

XANDER- "No, we're other kidnappers, and we don't care if you're o-old, we're not picky, you see"

WILLOW- "I'm a witch though"

The SCIENTIST screams and cowers some more.

WILLOW- "Oh no! But a good witch, see, uh I'll do a nice spell. 'Diana goddess of all things scary, make this room a haven for the weary'"

The SCIENTIST'S eyes bulge, and he slumps on the ground, dead.

XANDER- "Willow, what did you do?"

WILLOW- "Sorry, I got the spell wrong. It was meant to make him refreshed"

BUFFY- "You killed him!"

WILLOW- "I didn't mean to.."

ALL- "REVERSE THE SPELL! REVERSE THE SPELL!"

WILLOW- "Ooh, 'weary the for haven a room this make, scary things all of goddess Diana"

The SCIENTIST splutters up a weird green liquid, but comes back to life.

ALL- "Eww"

SCIENTIST- "Sorry, I must have dozed off. Where was I?"

ANGEL- "Your friends have all been captured by two evil witches, except you because you're o-old"

BUFFY- "But that's irrelevant now, as we need your help. Can you put a chip in the head of one of my enemies?"

SCIENTIST- "I will…"

BUFFY- "Yay!"

SCIENTIST- "…on one condition"

BUFFY- "Grrr"

SCIENTIST- "Find and save my friends from the evil witches. Graham will help you. He escaped capture and was going to fight them alone, but now he has you"

GRAHAM enters. He recognises BUFFY

GRAHAM- "Murderer!"

BUFFY sheepishly smiles.

BUFFY- "Hey Graham, how are you doing? Nice weather, isn't it?"

GRAHAM- "You killed Riley on your vacation"

ANGEL- "Hey!"

BUFFY- "Actually, he's still missing. Nobodies upgraded him to dead, yet"

GRAHAM- "Yeah, and you look real concerned. I'm thinking of going to Transylvania to find his body"

XANDER- "Be sure to look for bite marks"

BUFFY- "Ssh!"

SCIENTIST- "These people will help you in your journey to fight the witches, Graham. Take them, their destiny awaits!"

GRAHAM- "Oh yeah, alright. I'll find undeniable proof you killed him after we go beat up a couple of witches. Are you coming?"

GILES- "Yes, sirrah, lets go!"

Fade Out on everyone looking confused.

ACT II- The woods.

BUFFY hugs ANGEL tight to keep him warm. They are very coupley, which is irritating GRAHAM.

BUFFY- "So what are witches doing in the woods?"

GRAHAM- "Don't ask me, killer. All I know is that they're called the Bush-Gore Witches, evil bitcha's that eat people with supernatural significance, vampires, demons, vampire hunters, other witches...it makes them stronger or something"

ANGEL- "Is that true, Willow? Witches can eat people?"

WILLOW doesn't reply. Her eyes turn green and she starts floating into the sky.

XANDER- "Well that's weird."

BUFFY- "NOOO! Willow!!"

GRAHAM- "That's exactly what happened to the guys! Woah, it was just a theory, but I was right! The witches want anything supernatural, or anything that professionally hunts the supern-"

ANGEL- "-Graham!"

GRAHAM- "What?"

ANGEL- "You're floating!"

Indeed, he is. His eyes flash green and he stops talking. Suddenly, ANGEL, BUFFY and GILES find themselves floating in the air. All their eyes turn green and they float away, leaving a terrified XANDER alone.

XANDER- "This is not good."

*

An hour later.

CORDELIA, WESLEY, GUNN, WESLEY, TARA and ANYA appear.

XANDER- "Thank god, guys, I thought you'd never come."

ANYA- "Yeah, well when we got your mobile call, we agreed to stop playing Monopoly and call it a draw, and why are you getting smaller?"

Uh-huh, ANYA starts floating into the sky, followed by the others. Their eyes flash green and they float away.

XANDER- "D'oh!"

*

Two hours later.

XANDER- "Thank god, I thought you'd never come."

Enter FAITH!

FAITH- "Yeah, well when I got your call at prison, I had to break out and race down here to help the guy I deflowered. Lets go."

They start walking, but suddenly, FAITH'S eyes turn green.

XANDER- "NO! Not you, girl, I'm not letting you get swept to sea. You're my last chance! Without you, I'll never beat the witches"

He grabs onto her to stop her floating.

FAITH- "And here's me thinking you just wanted another taste of me"

XANDER- "Get over it Faith, it was just a one night stand that *you* ensured was one night"

FAITH- "Yeah, but it doesn't stop haunting me in my nightmares. Dork"

XANDER- "Call me a traditionalist, but I think that your nightmares should involve all those innocent people that you slaughtered"

FAITH- "That was a cheap shot! Much like you, really"

XANDER- "Ooh, you're asking for it, madam, I'll let go of you if you don't stop yakking"

FAITH- "I think you should, so you can be all frightened and alone in a big, bad wood. Poor little non-supernatural"

XANDER- "Don't patronise me, you psychotic bitcha!"

FAITH- "Give me some gravity and say that again"

Suddenly, a loud crash echoes across the woods, startling XANDER so much that he lets go of FAITH.

FAITH- "Now look what you've done you idiotic little-"

She shuts up. Obviously the spell has overcome her

XANDER sighs, and walks towards the direction FAITH is floating in.

He enters a small clearing, where various Scooby's and Initiative guys are floating in the sky. Two WITCHES are standing in front of a fire, cackling.

WITCH ONE- "More spicy soldier, sister?"

WITCH TWO- "No, I feel like a sweet desert, how about those two?"

She points to our beloved BUFFY and ANGEL and they float down to the ground, still frozen in the spell.

XANDER- "No, I can't let this happen!"

He sneaks behind one of the WITCHES, grabs her, and holds her in a tight hold.

Both the WITCHES shriek at the same time

XANDER- "Let everyone go"

WITCH ONE- "Or what?"

WITCH TWO- "You'll kill us?"

XANDER- "Yeah, painfully, with lots of pain involved."

Meanwhile, as BUFFY and ANGEL haven't been attended to, they begin to thaw from the spell.

WITCH ONE - "He's cute, isn't he sister? We should eat him"

She grabs XANDER and throws him across the wood. He hits a tree hard, and moans in a defeated voice.

WITCH TWO- "I agree, except that he threatened to kill me and has no supernatural significance. It'd be like eating cardboard."

The WITCHES hover towards XANDER. They hear a crunch of twigs behind them, and turn to see BUFFY and ANGEL standing together angrily.

BUFFY- "I agree, he's not worth it. I know what cardboard is like- I dated one myself in a case of bad judgement for half a year. So I'm thinking, you've never eaten a Slayer before, have you?"

WITCH ONE- "A Slayer?! Why? How did you know?"

ANGEL- "Because you would have ensured she was roasted first if you knew you had one, that's why."

WITCH TWO- "Sister, it's a Slayer!"

BUFFY (mocking)- "Lover, it's a loser!"

ANGEL- "You want to do some damage?"

BUFFY- "Yeah, nearly being a barbecued stick gets me a little trigger-happy"

ANGEL- "I think it's time to do that all new special fighting move we perfected the other day"

BUFFY- "The one that makes monsters scream like Xander? Sure"

WITCH TWO- "You can't kill us, bwaahaha, we're unstoppable"

BUFFY and ANGEL ignore them, lick their lips and stare into each others eyes. BUFFY takes a few steps backwards. They have to get this just right…

The WITCHES become uncomfortable.

ANGEL- "NOW!"

Buffy runs into ANGEL'S arms and brings her legs up, wrapping them around his waist. He supports her by holding her back with his hands. His lips brush against BUFFY'S for a second, and after a few seconds teasing, they begin kissing passionately.

The WITCHES recoil at such a display of affection.

WITCH TWO- "Stop it!"

WITCH ONE- "Oh, they're torturing us with love!"

BUFFY plays with ANGEL'S tongue with her own, to the WITCHES dismay and fear. Feeling comfortable, the two begin to get caught in the moment, kissing deeply and continually, ooh and having wandering hands. ANGEL moves his hands under BUFFY'S top and unclasps her bra, forgetting where they are.

As BUFFY rips off ANGEL'S white shirt to reveal rippling skin, a long sounding groan catches their ears. Hair tousled like crazy, and in a latter stage of foreplay, they turn around angrily to watch the two WITCHES explode into fire.

BUFFY- "Oh yeah, the witches, I clean forgot!"

ANGEL- "At least that proves our plan worked"

BUFFY- "And it was fun"

ANGEL- "And meaningful"

BUFFY- "And hot…"

They look into each others eyes again, cheeky grins easy to read- they want to finish the show.

He sweeps her legs up and carry's her sensually in his arms, BUFFY wrapping her own arms around his neck. She happily looks into the sky, but this contented feeling changes dramatically when she sees in horror that…

WILLOW, GILES, and the others are staring down at them with grossed out faces- obviously seeing way too much of the lovey-dovey couple.

ANGEL continues to kiss her shoulder, oblivious.

The people begin to get larger. BUFFY squints. No, they aren't getting larger, they are getting *closer*…

They are falling!

BUFFY- "Uh, Angel-"

ANGEL- "Buffy?"

BUFFY- "Look up, would you?"

ANGEL looks up. A similar horror face appears on his drop dead gorgeous features.

3

2

1

THUMP!

*

ACT III

Fade In- the Initiative warehouse.

SCIENTIST- "Thank-you for saving my colleagues! In return, I will put a chip in your enemies head. Call me when you have him and then bring him here"

Camera shot- BUFFY, ANGEL, GILES, XANDER, WILLOW, FAITH, WESLEY, CORDY, TARA, GUNN and ANYA…(have I left anyone out?!) BUFFY is rubbing her bruised neck, ANGEL has a cut on his arm, and the other Scooby's still have those grossed out faces on, and are standing formally, almost frozen. Obviously still affected.

The camera pans across everybody's respective faces, each one looking uncomfortable. The SCIENTIST walks away happily.

ANGEL- "So, uh? What you saw.."

Silence.

BUFFY- "We were wondering if…"

Silence

BOTH- "..you'd forget it and never mention it again?"

ALL- "YES!"

The following all talk at once:

WILLOW- "I mean, it's not like we feel awkward, but.."

XANDER- "It was truly disturbing…"

CORDY- "Made me wanna yak…"

GILES- "It never happened…"

TARA- "It killed the witches, though. They couldn't take the positiveness, being evil and all."

ANGEL- "A closed subject then, thanks"

Everyone smiles shyly and begin to walk out of the ware-house, ANGEL and BUFFY holding onto each other tightly, wanting to be alone to get physical again. FAITH walks beside them.

FAITH- "You got some moves I didn't know about though, B. Very revealing."

BUFFY- "Shut up!"

FAITH walks away as BUFFY and ANGEL do a double-take.

ANGEL- "Hey, aren't you supposed to be in prison?"

He tries to catch up with FAITH, as we…

Fade Out

B/A FOREVER!

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