DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything, I'm afraid. Except Dino.
TIMELINE: Set half a year after my last sillyfic of the series, 'The Bleurgh Witch Project'. The series tailed off from season 4, and took it's own funky direction.
SPOILERS: S1-4. According to the sillyfic canon, s5 never existed.
FEEDBACK: I desire nothing more in the world. Aside from a real life Angel for my very own, of course!
RATING: PG
SYNOPSIS: The Gang go to Disneyland to retrieve Spike.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: The series this fic belongs to is called the 'Misadventures of the Scooby Gang'. If you've never read one before, here's the back story. They're individually written as episodes, but they are incredibly silly. So don't flame them, they're supposed to be bad. It's been a while since I last wrote one, so I'm a bit rusty. I've left this series for so long because I've had trouble thinking of a good plot where Spike returns.
All the rides mentioned in this fic are made up by me.

CAMERA fades in on ANYA, GILES, XANDER, TARA and WILLOW, who are standing outside of GILES' house, preparing to leave for Disneyland to find SPIKE. An RV parks in front of them, and BUFFY and ANGEL get out of it.

ANGEL- "Is everybody ready?"

XANDER- "Sure am. I've packed my anti-vampire kit in case I bump into Spike. Crosses, stakes, garlic, mirrors...I've doused myself in Holy water so that if I even shake *hands* with a vamp, it'll disintegrate into nothing. Ooh, Angel- can I sit next to you?"

ANGEL- "Sure, good buddy!

They all pack onto the RV. ANGEL sits next to XANDER with a big grin on his face.

XANDER- "Garlic stick?"

ANGEL- "Thanks"

BUFFY- "Okay guys, here's the plan. Locate Spike and grab him. Any time we have left over will be used as a holiday, so bag him early, guys"

GILES- "I wouldn't hang around there any longer than we need to, if I were you. Disneyland is the home of the dreaded Disneyland Demon. An evil being, he rounds up people to work in his underground hell farm until they age and die. He also likes opera, and his turn-ons include silk sheets and love poetry"

The gang all glare at him.

BUFFY- "Bite me, Giles."

GILES meekly starts to drive, muttering about demons and goblins in his usual manic way.

ANYA- "Do you think Spike will still be there? It's been six months, he might have moved on"

ANGEL- "For the hundredth time, I'm *sorry* that it took so long to finance this trip! The RV cost Buffy a lot of money, and I had to do over-time at the local Blood Bank to make up the difference!"

TARA- "You donated blood?!"

ANGEL- "Yes. All the patients who received my blood made full recoveries too. Although they did experience some side effects. Loss of reflection...pointed teeth..."

BUFFY- "Hey guys! We're here!"

The RV drives under a sign which says 'DISNEYLAND'

ANYA- "That was quick"

GILES- "We've been chased by a police car for the past four states, so I had to press on the accelerator"

They all get off the RV and walk into the theme park.

BUFFY- "Now we must split up and search for Spike."

GILES- "Avoid the dread Disneyland Demon!"

BUFFY- "And don't go on any rides!"

They all disperse and immediately go on all the rides.

CUT TO- The Silly House of Fun.

Buffy and Angel walk out of it with linked arms, laughing hard.

ANGEL- "I liked the hall of mirrors best"

BUFFY- "So did the other twelve odd people that were with us. I never thought a human could shriek so loudly as that bald bloke did"

They bump into WILLOW and TARA, who are also having a fun time. When they notice each other, they abruptly stop chuckling and guiltily eye each other up.

ANGEL- "So, uh, Spike's definitely *not* in the Fun house then"

WILLOW- "A-And he's not with the bumper cars either"

TARA- "Or the love tunnel..."

BUFFY- "There's a love tunnel?"

TARA- "Sure, you get to sit in these cute swan boats"

WILLOW and TARA share a loving look.

ANGEL- "You never know, Buffy, Spike might have sneaked in there since Will and Tara left..."

BUFFY- "...we should go check it out, just in case"

BUFFY and ANGEL- "See ya!"

They dash off, leaving WILLOW and TARA looking bemused.

CUT TO- The Ultra Scary Vampire and Goblins ride.

GILES is standing outside it with a look on his face like he's won the lottery. He takes a small book out of his pocket- 'the A to Z of goblins and ghouls'- and sighs in contentment. He skips inside.

A few minutes later, a man wearing a white sheet over his head escorts GILES out and drops him on the ground.

MAN- "You've got serious problems, Egon. I was never going to be sucked into that toy ghost-catcher thingy, no matter how much you wedged my foot in it."

GILES- "It's a genuine antique! It houses up to 50 ghosts!"

MAN- "Whatever"

As GILES sadly stands up and dusts himself down, the camera zooms in on a tree, where we see a Spike shaped person standing suspiciously behind it.

SPIKE- "Bwaahahaha! They came! My plan to kill the Scooby Gang by luring them into my cunning trap has worked!"

He looks at his watch.

SPIKE cont- "Although they're a tad bit later than expected"

He shrugs, then slinks back into the night.

CUT TO- Later that Night. The GANG have reconvened and are looking tired, except for BUFFY and ANGEL, who are all smug and cosy.

GILES- "I think you were right, Anya. Spike isn't here"

BUFFY- "Lets go home"

Suddenly, all the lights go out in the theme park. A man appears in front of the GANG, holding a flashlight under his chin. We realise that it's SPIKE.

SPIKE- "Bwaahaha! So, Slayer, you've come for me"

BUFFY- "Yeah, Spike. I think you stole my nail varnish, I just came for that"

SPIKE- "The purple one?"

BUFFY- "No, the glittery silver one"

SPIKE inspects his nails.

SPIKE- "Sorry luv, I used it up...anyway...bwaahaha! You will die now! This is... A TRAP!!"

Silence.

ANYA- "Come again?"

SPIKE looks around, irritated. He clears his throat.

SPIKE- "This is...A TRAP!!"

Silence.

SPIKE kicks the ground and screams in frustration.

SPIKE cont- "For Christ's sake, guys! That was your goddamn cue!"

Suddenly, the GANG is surrounded by vampires.

GILES- "Aah! Vampires!"

SPIKE- "Yep, I've turned all the people in Disneyland into vampires! Bwaa!"

TARA- "No wonder we got such a great deal on the tickets"

BUFFY- "You have lackeys?!"

She stifles a laugh. ANGEL joins in.

SPIKE- "Oi, what are you laughing at? I had lackeys once before, you know! They only disappeared when my ponce of a sire stuck his ore back into bad-guy world"

ANGEL- "Na, they just respected me better. I could tame these guys in three seconds"

SPIKE- "Prove it!"

ANGEL- "Okay. Watch a master at work."

He claps his hands to gain SPIKE'S lackey's attention.

ANGEL- "Okay, boys. Who wants to play some poker?!"

The vampires all glance at each other and nod.

They approach ANGEL.

ANGEL to Buffy- "Pass me your poker cards, honey"

BUFFY- "I didn't bring them! I only had room for one more thing in my suitcase, and I chose my collection of Whitney Huston tapes instead"

She picks up a microphone and starts to sing 'I Will Always Love You'. ANGEL centres his attention on her, and sings along.

Meanwhile, the lackey's, having realised they were fooled by promises of poker, have begun to attack the GANG. While BUFFY and ANGEL sing, the rest fight for their lives.

SPIKE and GILES face off.

GILES- "Bwaahaha! Now I will kill you!"

SPIKE- "Hey, Mister. That's my line!"

Before they can attack, someone in a Mickey Mouse costume appears. Mickey knocks them out with an inflatable plastic hammer, and drags them through a nearby portal. Nobody realises they have gone.

BUFFY and ANGEL- "And *I* will always looooove you!"

They finish with gasping breathes of air.

ANGEL- "You wanna sing some Grease melodies now?"

BLACKOUT.

CUT TO- A hell-like dimension where people are being forced to work on a hell farm until they age and die. This is where the DISNEYLAND DEMON lives.

GILES and SPIKE wake up. They are sitting on a platform.

SPIKE- "Wow, Mum. I just had the most bizarre dream! I dreamt I was a vampire, and I went round killing people- oh wait, that was real"

GILES- "I'll kill you now, monster of the night!"

GILES reveals a stake. SPIKE screams.

SPIKE reveals his teeth. GILES screams.

SPIKE- "Look, I've been in this dimension before. I'm fairly sure that I know the way out."

SPIKE points at the exit.

SPIKE cont- "If you kill me, you're stuck here. We just need to work together and not be stabbed by pointy objects. Deal?"

Close-up of GILES glaring at him.

SPIKE cont- "You want more?! What if I told you that when we get out, I will never kill another human as long as I live?"

GILES- "I'd say that Spike ash is a sucker to get out of the carpet, but I have some handy liquid cleaner to solve that problem!"

SPIKE- "What if I told you I'll kill you if you don't work with me?"

GILES- "I'll say follow me and stick close to the wall!"

They carefully sneak across the hell dimension, hiding from guards. As they reach the EXIT door, SPIKE stubs his cigarette out on the ground.

Suddenly, a long moan is heard. The ground rumbles, and SPIKE and GILES grab each other as two large eyes appear on the floor.

GILES- "Oh my god, we're standing on the Disneyland Demon!"

OS VOICE- "No you're not, you're standing on my pet, Dino"

They're standing on a massive dog.

The terrified men turn to look at the source of the voice. A massive Minotour stands before them, and he's even bigger than DINO.

GILES and SPIKE- "Aaah!"

DISNEYLAND DEMON cooing- "Have these slaves hurt you, my dino-weeno-dino?"

SPIKE- "No, he's fine, aren't you Dino?"

Spike kicks the ground. Dino whines, causing SPIKE and GILES to topple over with the vibrations.

DISNEYLAND DEMON- "So, you're trying to escape, are you? How quaint."

SPIKE grabs GILES and offers him to the DEMON.

SPIKE- "Take him! He's a human! I'm a vampire, a fellow creature of the night!"

DISNEYLAND DEMON- "Silence!"

SPIKE small voice- "okay"

GILES grabs SPIKE and offers him to the DEMON.

GILES- "Take him! He's a vampire! You can work him to the ground, but he'll never age! I'm just a puny human! I'll run out of batteries by the end of the week!"

DISNEYLAND DEMON- "GET BACK INTO THE FIELDS! WORK!"

GILES small voice- "Of course my luscious master, back to the fields, hurrah!"

SPIKE to Giles- "Wimp"

GILES to Spike- "Coward"

They hit each other as they get off DINO and walk into the field.

Suddenly, a howl is heard. They look up to see an axe embedded in the DISNEYLAND DEMON's chest. Then they see BUFFY and co triumphantly standing on DINO.

WILLOW- "Scoobies to the rescue!"

XANDER- "Tada Tada! Scooby Power!"

DISNEYLAND DEMON- "Bwaahaha! Axes don't kill me!"

XANDER- What kills a Disneyland Monster?"

ANGEL- "Water, of course!"

All the Scoobies grabs water guns and squirt the demon. The demon howls and disintegrates into nothing.

ALL- "Yay!"

SPIKE- "You saved me!"

BUFFY- "Hey, is that Spike down there with Giles?"

ANYA- "Yay! We saved Spike!"

The rest of the Scoobies silently glare at her.

ANYA cont- "Well *I* found myself feeling pleased..."

One by one, the members of the GANG slowly begin to smile too. Under their hard personas, and despite SPIKE's various attempts to kill them, they all missed the big lug. Life without SPIKE was like life without sunshine and garlic.

BUFFY- "So, Spike- seeing as we saved your life, we kind of own it now"

WILLOW- "Like the entire population of Sunnydale, of whom we've saved countless of times"

XANDER- "Wow. To own an entire town...think of the worshipping!"

BUFFY- "I have one small demand to ask of you, one that you must abide by at all costs. Stop killing people."

SPIKE- "Alright. If I must. If Soul-Boy here can do it, I'm sure I can. I'm going veggy, me"

The camera reveals that his fingers are crossed behind his back.

ANGEL- "And you must come back to Sunnydale with us"

BUFFY- "Two demands, then"

WILLOW- "And you must teach us how to talk in a cockney accent"

BUFFY- "Three..."

GILES- "And you must give me detailed accounts of your life as a vampire, which I'll publish in a book that becomes a best-seller in the charts for a year and two weeks"

BUFFY- "so that's four-"

XANDER- "And you must show me how to swagger around in a sexy yet masculine way, as whenever I try to do it, I end up doing the Scooby dance"

ANYA- "And what bleach do you use, as-"

BUFFY sighs.

BUFFY- "I'll go get some pen and paper"

ANGEL- "Ah, group hug!!!"

The camera pans out as the Scooby Gang, Spike included, group hug, then walk out of the hell dimension and back into Disneyland.

SPIKE sobbing- "I missed you guys..."

GANG- "We missed you too, Spike"

BLACKOUT.

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