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Timeline- Alternate universe
Spoilers- Season four stuff and my other sillyfics
Series- This fic continues my Sillyfic series
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Note- Trust me, you'll either be praising me or
cursing me for the images you're about to get in your
head! Adia X
Teaser- There's a dancing competition in Sunnydale,
but Angel's no Patrick Swayze…
Fade In.
BUFFY is reading a postcard at GILES' place.
CORDELIA VO- "Dear Angel, how are you? Still stuck in Sunnydale? Me, Wesley and Gunn are having a fantastic monster-free holiday in Spain, I still don't see why you didn't come with, but I suppose that'd mean Buffy would come, then Willow, Xander and the rest of the gang. Including Giles, who'd find some evil lurking somewhere and ruin our entire vacation. So now I think about it, I'm happy you're not here. Okay, I'm going back to the beach now, enjoy your non-holiday, love Cordelia. Wesley, add lots of kisses on the end, no, not that many…."
CORDELIA'S voice fades as the camera pulls in on BUFFY, who is looking miffed.
BUFFY- "What's in Spain, Giles?"
GILES- "The evil Sludge monster"
BUFFY- "Uh-huh, so it's lucky we're not there, then?"
GILES- "Too right, now go on patrol."
BUFFY sadly stands up and walks out the house.
Cut to- The Cemetery.
BUFFY walks over to a grave and stands on it. We see the words 'RILEY FINN' etched into the stone, it looks like he's been declared dead after all. Camera pulls back to reveal ANGEL, who is standing nearby.
ANGEL- "What's wrong?"
BUFFY- "Nothing, I… it's such a waste of space. They haven't even found Riley's body yet, and they've given him a plot of ground. I just think it's unfair, don't you?"
ANGEL- "I know, but at least they don't hold us responsible anymore."
They embrace and kiss.
Suddenly, a vampire explodes from RILEY'S grave.
BUFFY shrieks (honest to god, shrieks) and ANGEL gasps.
BUFFY- "OH MY GOD!!!"
The vampire is wearing green combats, he turns around and faces them.
BUFFY- "Riley, I- you're not Riley"
VAMPIRE- "Bwaahahaha, my evil plan worked. Buying myself a plot and hiding in it until I heard you above me, then jumping out to surprise you, bwaahahaha!"
In this time, BUFFY has whipped her stake out.
VAMPIRE attempts to attack, but takes one step forward and woozily falls to the floor.
ANGEL- "How long have you been cooped up there?"
VAMPIRE- "A month. Just give me a sec, okay?"
ANGEL- "A month without blood? No wonder you're weak mate"
BUFFY- "Mate?"
ANGEL- "Vampire empathy"
VAMPIRE- "I'm gonna kill ya"
He stands, and after walking a few crazy steps backwards, he falls down again. BUFFY casually walks over to him and slays him.
VAMPIRE- "Noooooo!"
He turns to dust.
BUFFY- "That has to be the worst plan I've ever heard."
ANGEL- "It does lack terror, blood and torture"
BUFFY and ANGEL- "Amateurs"
They turn away and walk from RILEY'S grave.
BUFFY- "I wish we could go on normal non-slayee vacation, but every time we suggest somewhere, Giles gets a crazy look in his eye and warns us away."
ANGEL- "Maybe we should just give up."
BUFFY- "Uh-huh. Stop searching for a while."
ANGEL- "And I have a seriously empty LA apartment that we could go to…"
BUFFY- "Hey, look at this"
Close-up on a leaflet on ground. The words say "Dance Competition"
BUFFY- "Dance competition for tomorrow night, first I've heard about it. 'Best dancers win a world wide romantic tour', ooh doesn't that sound perfect?"
She looks at him expectantly.
ANGEL- "No"
BUFFY- "Per-lease?"
ANGEL- "No! I'm a useless dancer, ask Cordelia!"
BUFFY- "Come on, there's no evil here, and a world wide tour is up for grabs"
ANGEL- "But! Empty apartment!!!"
BUFFY does a pouty BUFFY face
ANGEL- "Oh god, you know what my weak spot is….OK fine. We'll enter. But I am pathetic at dancing, I need coaching. There's no chance before tomorrow-"
BUFFY- "Yay! We're entering!"
*
Cut to XANDERS basement as we hear BUFFY say- "And don't worry, I know who can teach you the art of dancing"
XANDER- "So, you want lessons on how to dance, huh?"
Camera shot shows that ANGEL is standing nervously in the middle of the room.
BUFFY- "He does, and if you're successful in making
him a good dancer, I'll pay you
50"
XANDER- "Deal. What's this for, anyway? Kinky stuff?"
ANGEL- "No, I uh, Buffy wants to enter a local dance competition tomorrow night"
XANDER- "Sunnydale dance? Cool, I'll tell the rest of the gang and we can all enter"
BUFFY mock glares at ANGEL in an 'If everyone else enters, we'll have no chance at winning kind' of way. She then kisses him and leaves.
ANGEL- "So you can really turn me into a good dancer, huh?"
XANDER- "Like a frog to a prince."
ANGEL- "I didn't know you could dance"
XANDER- "Mister, I am a machine when I get on the boogy floor. We only have tonight, so you'd better listen carefully to what I say. If I tell you to put your left foot out or swing your butt, you do it, okay?"
ANGEL- "Okay"
XANDER- "Good. First we'll just put on some music and listen to it. When you feel it taking your soul over, start moving to the rhythm, I want to see your natural talent. Go"
He puts on a music tape, and YMCA starts.
ANGEL- "And they say medieval torture is over-rated"
Cut to- A montage of various ways in which XANDER teaches ANGEL to dance. We see them watching Dirty Dancing, taking notes, and ANGEL trying out the moves himself, badly.
As the last bars of YMCA finish, we cut to the outside of XANDER'S house the next evening. The entire gang are waiting in their dancing clothes.
ANGEL slowly opens the door in a tux and walks outside.
BUFFY- "Angel? Can you-"
ANGEL- "Darling-" he grabs her and pulls her to him in a swanky move "-I can dance"
A chorus of claps start, as XANDER walks outside and takes a bow.
*
Cut to- The dance hall. Everyone is dancing and enjoying themselves.
Someone stands on the stage with a microphone. He is obviously a demon, all slimy with antlers.
DEMON- "I hope you're all limbered up, as now the dancing competition begins!!!"
Everyone woops and cheers.
SPIKE- "Does he look a bit odd to you?"
TARA- "No, just an average Joe"
ANYA- "Pure human, I can tell"
BUFFY- "Now it's time to see you in action, Angel"
ANGEL- "Just watch my moves"
He runs up to the DEMON and gives him a tape and whispers in his ear.
DEMON- "Uh, first, we have a request by this gentleman to play this tape. He has a special dance in store for his special girl."
The floor clears and everyone watches in hushed anticipation as ANGEL and BUFFY stand in the middle. ANGEL does some puffing thing to psyche himself ready.
ANGEL- "This is for you, Buffy"
We see BUFFY glowing with happiness.
We see XANDER watching proudly.
The tape starts, it's upbeat, funky and ANGEL starts to dance. After a few seconds it sinks into the audience what the song is…then it hits BUFFY-
It's the theme song to the Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show.
ANGEL begins jiving around the hall in a very spazzy way, doing the Snoopy Dance.
ANGEL- "Oh yeah! Oh yeah!"
He twirls he dances, he is Snoopy. He flies across the room with his funky moves. BUFFY is gob-smacked.
Suddenly, XANDER joins them on the dance floor. He and ANGEL go into a pre-prepared, choreographed duo dance where they mirror the same Snoopy movements.
BUFFY- "Oh My God"
ANYA walks beside BUFFY and shouts towards XANDER.
ANYA- "Your stupid movements are embarrassing me, my cheeks have changed colour, you're-"
Unexpectedly, she begins dancing the Snoopy dance too.
ANYA- "Help!"
She can't stop, and joins ANGEL and XANDER.
BUFFY is scared. She tries to move back but noticed that her feet are tapping in rhythm to the music.
BUFFY- "Willow! Get everyone out, the music's taking over, we're starting to dance without control!"
But, it's too late. WILLOW and TARA helplessly begin jiving a la Snoopy to the music. SPIKE walks idly across the room as the entire building dance, they're screaming and trying to stop, but they can't.
SPIKE shrugs and taps ANGEL on the back.
SPIKE- "Uh, Angel?"
ANGEL- "Feel the music!"
SPIKE- "Hate to burst your bubble, but whatever spell has these happy-meals unable to stop doesn't affect us vampires"
ANGEL- "What spell? I just love to dance"
SPIKE grabs him and stops him. They turn around and BUFFY dances spazzily over to them.
BUFFY- "Angel, help me, I can't stop"
ANGEL- "Buffy, nooooo!"
BUFFY- "Break the spell, now! I'm feeling weak…" .
SPIKE- "Will someone turn off that damn music? It's beginning to irritate me"
BUFFY- "That's it! Break the spell by stopping the music"
The vampires rush over to the platform to be stopped by the DEMON
ANGEL- "You!"
DEMON- "It wasn't the song I wanted the humans to die dancing to, but it's funny to watch"
SPIKE- "Die?"
DEMON- "Uh-huh. This dance competition is a sham, in all my evilnness, I sprayed the room with a dancing spell. They start dancing, and they never stop. Ever. And when they can't take anymore, they die"
ANGEL- "Then what? You eat them?"
DEMON- "No"
SPIKE- "So what's the point?"
DEMON- "I never thought that far, I uh… D'oh!"
ANGEL- "I'll kill you!"
A massive fight scene where the DEMON, SPIKE and ANGEL fight. The rest of the hall just dances, but BUFFY and the GANG watch from their trapped positions. The DEMON flies towards BUFFY and she uses the Snoopy Dance to kick him in the head for one of her moves
BUFFY- "Just be lucky I'm not doing that Russian dance"
ANGEL runs over to BUFFY before the DEMON gets a chance to hit her, and he Snoopy dance's her away.
He turns back and pummels the DEMON. SPIKE stabs it with its microphone, and it fizzes and dies.
SPIKE- "It didn't break the spell!"
ANGEL- "We need Giles!"
XANDER and ANYA shimmy over to them.
XANDER- "This is fun! I never knew my dance was so popular! Does that mean I win the comp?"
ANYA- "I feel silly"
ANGEL- "Do not fear, I'll save you!"
ANYA- "It's your fault in the first place, you could have danced something less time consuming, like those passion dances people do"
ANGEL shakes his head. He kisses BUFFY
ANGEL-"I'll be back"
Then he jumps through a window, smashing the glass, and runs out into the night.
SPIKE- "Don't see why he didn't take the door"
He walks out the exit.
BUFFY- "Willow, I can't breathe. Damn you Harris"
XANDER- "It's not my fault that it's my dance the demon used, at least we aren't dancing to the tango"
BUFFY- "Not that, damn you because I paid you to turn my boyfriend into the equivalent of a 70's John Travolta, not a cartoon puppy"
XANDER- "Snoopy is NOT a puppy"
BUFFY- "Well I guess that means it'll take longer to stuff him down your throat then."
XANDER- "I don't know what you're complaining about, it's not like he's the only one shaking his booty to the tune"
He points to himself, BUFFY then the entire room, who are screaming with terror as they can't stop dancing.
BUFFY- "Sure, but when we get out of here, you owe me
one dancing boyfriend and
50"
Suddenly, ANGEL bursts through another window, shattering glass everywhere. SPIKE comes through the door, followed by GILES.
WILLOW- "That was quick"
SPIKE- "He was heading up here anyway"
GILES- "If you'd even bothered to tell me you were coming here, I'd have been able to warn you with a 'nooooooooo', you know"
TARA- "Ironically, we didn't want to jinx it"
GILES runs to the music system and turns the music off. There's a sigh of relief all around but they continue dancing.
GILES- "To stop this spell I must put on a different, contrasting kind of music. Thus displacing it and saving you all"
He stuffs a tape in the deck and UNCHAINED MELODY begins to play. The craziness begins to cease, and everyone slows down until they have stopped altogether. They all fall on the floor in a heap. Relief is seen on everybody's faces.
*
The haunting music continues on into the scene change-
Cut to-ANGEL'S apartment.
He and BUFFY are making out on the bed. Looks like they took advantage of the empty apartment after all!
END!
Roll Credits
Instead of the usual black background, we see a scene where ANGEL, SPIKE and XANDER are all three doing the Scooby Dance in XANDER'S basement. BUFFY enters and joins in, then all the other Scoobys do, including GILES, WESLEY, GUNN and CORDELIA.
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