PART FOUR

The factory. He'd never seen it like this before, a building burnt to a crisp. So this was where he set up his evil home- moving in with Dru and Spike? He was still shocked about being told he turned killer again, a concept he couldn't get round at all.

"How many buildings will you show me that's been raised to the ground?" he said light-heartedly, feeling anything but.

"A couple."

She lead the way into the charcoaled mess and Angel nearly fell over a burnt out chair when he saw Spike appear from nowhere.

"Sire!" Spike said warmly.

"Uh, Spike. You're not dead"

This was weird.

"I've tried, believe me. Anyway peaches, how's life with your pesky curse? I've got a chip in me skull so can't kill people anymore either. I've heard you've bumped your head and can't remember all the humans you murdered. Jenny, Kendra…"

"So I did kill Jenny" Angel said in shock. "…And Kendra? How…why…"

Before Spike could reply in glee, Buffy stood between them and glared at him.

"Remember the deal, Spike. You screw his mind up with lies and you don't get this" she said, showing him a wad of cash.

"Spoil my fun" he grumbled "Ok, you didn't kill Kendra, Drusilla did while you were fighting lover-girl"

Something else to add to his numbing pain. He flash-backed to a few months earlier when Buffy was deeply troubled by the death of 'the Master'. He'd never forgotten what she'd said to him- "Come on, you must have thought about it- me the slayer, you the vampire. Come on. Kick my ass."

Buffy angrily pulled Angel aside.

"Looks like he's not going to help, so I guess I'm going to have to tell you the truth. You have a curse" she blurted.

"A curse? I know, that's why I have a soul-"

"The gypsies made it more complicated. If you experience one moment of perfect happiness, you revert to Angelus."

He looked at her, at Spike, at the factory.

Angel laughed loudly. It echoed throughout the building. The merry reaction unnerved even Spike.

"Ever wake up and wish you were dead?" Angel chuckled, sitting on the ashen floor.

"Ssh, Angel, we didn't know until it was too late. Until you changed. Your moment of true happiness, it was with me. I was the one who unleashed the demon"

Angel wasn't really listening, but humming some nursery rhyme that he knew when he was human. When he stopped, he looked up at Buffy in a way which begged her to help him.

"Amnesia." He mumbled "It's not like when someone comes back in time and warns you what'll happen in the future. It feels like that, that you've come back to warn me not to make mistakes a second time. But it's not, I've been the one propelled forward, kind of. I already know all this stuff… I just can't-"

"-remember."

His eyes turned cold in sadness and he shivered despite himself.

"So tell me, what happened next."

"You said that…I wasn't good. I mean, Angelus did. You're not him, Angel. I fell in love with you."

"And I broke your heart"

"You came here to the Factory to find Spike and Drusilla. I don't know what happened next, I guess Spike will tell you, if he stops playing around."

Angel stood up and managed to face his childe again.

"Nice trip down memory lane?" Spike smirked, recovering from his previous anxiety pretty well.

"Shut up insulting me and explain."

Spike sat down on the large table.

"Me and Dru resurrected the Judge. You and twinky here tried to stop us, lucked out and shagged instead. Didn't find that out till later, but next thing we know, you come in and start prancing around like you owned the joint, flirting with my girlfriend and generally wasting time by stalking Ms. Slayer here" he said, pointing to Buffy.

"I don't remember."

"Good, 'cos you'd probably rather forget the times I kicked the-"

"Spike, do what he said and shut up."

"Fine, can I get paid now?"

Buffy handed him a few notes and he walked off into the moonlight.

"That's all he had to say?"

"No, he'll tell you more later" Buffy answered, detached.

She'd glanced at Angel and realised he looked old. This knowledge was sucking the life out of him. Just because he couldn't remember it, it didn't make this easier for him.

"Come on" she said, attempting to liven up the atmosphere "It's of the past. We need to find Willow at the school. Well, what's left of it."

Angel walked to the door and turned around.

"No, I don't want to know anymore"

"You need to remember, there's so much more to tell you."

"I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" He shouted, stumbling backwards and running out of the factory. Buffy tried to follow, but his head-start gave him an advantage and by the time she was outside, he'd disappeared.

Damn.

*

Angel found his way to the ice-rink and let himself in. He was still drenched with confusion, and a horrible numbness that wouldn't go away. Looking around, he thought of how he once planned to come here with Buffy, when his only worry was the age gap. Looking at her now, she'd definitely hardened, he wished he had 'his' Buffy back with him, the one that he was learning more about every day. They'd only just started their relationship, and now it'd all been taken away from him. He thought back to how he'd climb into her room, and they'd just talk to the early hours- in whispers so her mom wouldn't hear anything.

"Tomorrow's Tuesday" he could almost hear Buffy say.

Like she said, it'd 'all gone'.

That was supposed to be a few months ago, but she didn't even remember it now, her and her new life. And he was in Los Angeles? Why was he there? He needed to straighten his head out, there was so much to understand. Angel opened the skate cage and picked out two boots that would fit, returning to the rink.

One foot first, he clumsily took a few steps onto the ice and tried to regain a feel for it. Skating calmed him, he wasn't that good at it like he wasn't good at singing, but he could hold his own. He skated in circles around the edge for a few minutes, until he was sure of his footing and then attempted some more daring moves.

As an atoning vampire, he felt such deep guilt over what he'd done, but now he knew there was more. So much more. He wasn't surprised he'd forgotten his comeback, it sounded like if he had an opportunity he'd wipe it out without a thought. Since coming to Sunnydale, he'd felt more and more human, never realising he was a ticking time bomb. He wished he was back in the past, that this was all a dream, that his only concern was for Buffy's safety. He never knew complications like this before, and it shattered him throughout. He couldn't have sex with Buffy. He'd only once had sex with Buffy. He had destroyed her life. This amnesia was supposed to be a blessing, but since he'd gotten here it'd only given him guilt.

"You can never go home again." he whispered.

He'd lost it all.

Silently skating in circles, he began to lose his inhibitions. With every circuit, he grew more angry at life, fate and destiny. He zoomed around the rink, faster and faster, speeding as hard as he possibly could, anything to get his frustration out. The ice screeched from under his boots, spraying shards everywhere and leaving deep marks in the ground, but he didn't stop. Round and round like a merry-go-round, he stopped thinking, living only to skate. Suddenly, finally, he mis-stepped and flew across the rink, hitting hard against the barrier.

He groaned, ready to stay on the ice and just die. Wishing that cold could kill vampires like fire.

"Here, let me help you."

He looked up to find Buffy standing over him, skates on. She reached out her hand.

He didn't move, but glanced away.

"Leave me alone."

"I can't do that, you have a destiny."

"Screw destiny. It's screwed me."

"You have an agency in Los Angeles where you help people. If you don't get your memory back, you'll miss your one chance for redemption."

"What do you care? You have your family, and your friends, and your lover. I have nothing."

"That's not true."

"You not caring or the 'I have nothing' part?"

"Both." She said it as sweetly as she could. "I won't lie to you, Angel. You made my life hell when you changed, every day and night I prayed that you'd turn back to normal and not go around getting sadistic pleasure out of killing my friends, but you didn't. You're lucky that you have a few moments of blissful confusion where you've forgotten- I never will. I'm scarred physically and mentally and I'll never forget."

It felt like a role reversal from when she last was in LA.

"So why are you trying to make me remember?"

"How can you atone if you don't know what for? You have a life, Angel. Last I saw you, you were enjoying it, a bit too much, actually." she laughed nervously at the memory "So we need to get you to remember so you can carry on with it"

"What's a life worth living if you're not in it?" Angel asked sadly.

Buffy skated a few yards away, head down.

"You won't mean that when you wake up from this nightmare." she said softly.

"Seeing you with Riley, it hurt. I may not know what happened the past few years, it may all be a blank, but I know that I'll always love you, no matter what I do or did."

Buffy shook her head. Angel managed to stand up on his skates.

"You can say that twenty thousand times, but it won't change a thing. Don't you understand? We've both moved on. Forever. That innocent age you're stuck in is like a fairytale to me now, it's the past."

"But it says something, doesn't it? That I wipe out everything from when things started going wrong. I don't know how I've spent the past year without you, but I guess I prefer this 'fairytale' memory so much that I jumped to get it back."

"Well congratulations, woopy doo. You do know it was you who finished it between us, right? Last year? And that you sided with Faith when she screwed everything up here?"

"I don't…who is Faith?"

"Oh yeah, something else you've repressed. Well good luck in your new life, Angel. Guess you got that second chance after all."

She skated away and didn't look back. She was angry- at herself, at him, at everything. He was so sure that he knew it all, had all the cards. Stuck in the past- what gave him the right to stay there, when she couldn't? She pirouetted on the ice a few times, trying to calm down, when she suddenly felt his body pull her to him. She turned around and faced him, not even a sliver of light between their two bodies. Two people gripping each other on the ice.

"I keep angering you. I'm sorry."

"A hug won't change anything. It never does" she said bitterly.

"I understand, I…but I need to touch you."

"Good chat up line."

"You know what I mean, human contact. My head hurts when I try to think, and the only thing left from my past life is you. I know I've lost you now, but I can't help how I feel. I'm in love with you, that's how I feel."

Buffy covered her ears.

"Stop telling me. I have a boyfriend."

Angel reached out and gently took her hands down.

"You're right, I'll back off. But this is all so crazy." He said his words quietly, finally beginning to accept that he'd lost her.

"Hold on to your seat, the ride hasn't even dipped yet."

"How did you know I was here? I could have been anywhere."

"Tuesdays in Sunnydale three years ago? Obvious"

"You remembered after all this time?"

"Well, I know you better than I know myself, so it was pretty easy to work out where you'd go. Just because I've been forced to move on, doesn't mean I…"

She stopped, mid-sentence. A slip of the tongue. The chemistry between them was still hot, and she was in danger of losing herself again.

"Did we come here every Tuesday?" Angel asked, backing down.

"No, just once. W- we'd better leave now, we need to relive some of the forgotten moments you've repressed."

She pulled him back lightly using her own skates, letting them drift across the ice.

"I'm sorry."

"Something you always are, but something you never should be" she replied

"But you must hate me."

"I never have. We've had this conversation before."

"Something else I've repressed?"

"I guess so."

"To the school then" Angel said. He resigned himself to finding out the truth- he deserved everything that was thrown at him.

"No, I'll call Willow and postpone, I think it's time that we went to the mansion now rather than later tonight, move on to the next crazy event in our crazy lives"

Buffy stood up and made her way out of the rink.

"Whose mansion?" Angel called after her.

*

Xander sat on the steps of the building with Willow, Tara, Anya and Riley, waiting.

"I don't know what half of us are doing here" Anya whined "I don't even know him"

"I don't either, but I'm kind of curious" Tara said.

"Their love story is amazing- something that no one else can recreate." Willow added wistfully.

Riley snorted.

"Uh, Will?" Xander nudged "Ex-nay on the Love….nay"

"Ooh, sorry, but I'm excited. Angel's gonna be all young, not for a vampire but you know what I mean, and we're gonna be all older, it'll be cool to see how he is with our older eyes, you know. A different perception."

"And you think that I think way too much" Xander said sarcastically "I'm not interested in being here one bit. Last I saw him, he'd sucked Buffy's blood like jelly mix and left us to the potential consequences"

"Urgh"

Spike came over to sit with them, despite his sheer contempt for every one, except maybe Anya.

"At least we're being paid"

"Paid?" Anya caught "I'm not being paid, I demand payment"

"Say that louder on the street corner, hon" Xander quipped, getting hit by the three females at the same time.

"They're coming, you were right Spike!" Giles shouted as he ran across the road.

"Ooh, yay"

"Xander, be quiet"

Sure enough, Buffy and Angel turned the corner together, both hobbling. Riley raised an eyebrow and stood up.

"Damn, what are they doing here?" Buffy whispered to Angel, waiting for a break between the cars before they could cross.

"Buffy, Giles is there, I can't face him"

"You won't need to, I'll get rid of them all.

They crossed the road and the gang came to meet them.

"Sorry to do this to you, but I think maybe we need to be alone for this one."

Willow sighed. "I was really excited about this. Ooh, hi Angel" she said, peering closely at him to try and distinguish any physical changes.

He carefully smiled back. "Listen, uh, sorry about your goldfish. Buffy said I-"

"No problem, it was a long time ago."

Angel hollowly turned to Xander, vaguely thinking about what Buffy said that he once pulled him out of the window with an intention to kill him on Valentines day.

"Uh, Xander, hey" he shrugged, turning away before he could see Xander pull an annoyed face.

"Are you remembering yet?" Giles asked

Angel hesitantly looked him in the eye.

"No. It's still a big haze. But you'll never know how s-"

"Words." Giles replied, as nicely as he could. He still had reservations with the vampire, but he could see he was truly repenting. "I understand."

Anya and Tara stood in the background.

"I know you?" Angel asked, unsure.

They shook their heads, and Anya licked her lips. Buffy saw it and immediately felt the jealousy thing again. She took a protective step closer to Angel.

"Buffy?"

She knew that voice… she turned to face her boyfriend.

"Oh!" she said in a sing-song voice "Hey again, you're here, and now you all have to go. I need to re-enact something with Angel"

"As long as it isn't a love scene" Riley grumbled.

Buffy didn't even pretend to care about that cutting remark, simply telling Angel to walk inside and wait for her. She faced the others again.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry" she repeated, breathlessly. "He's a wreck over all this, I've never seen him so… I guess the amnesia had affected him worse than I thought. Basically, he'd be crowded by you lot, and there's a lot of past in that house that we need to discuss."

"We still get paid, right?"

"Anya, you were going to help out of love, not money"

"You need us, just call" Willow said, following the others.

"Thanks. Will, but what were you all doing here? We were meant to leave the mansion till later."

"Yeah, but the school was, kind of, still pretty wrecked and Spike figured you'd skip it and come straight here."

"Good guess."

Willow walked out onto the street with Tara. Buffy watched them go.

"Buffy…"

She turned around to face Riley, waiting for her.

"Just let me get through this night, Riley" she pleaded "It's enough of a strain as it is"

"I love you, I don't want to lose you." he replied sincerely

"You think I'd take advantage of someone who can't even remember yesterday?" she asked in disbelief, then remembering the blood sucking from earlier, turned red.

"You've been crying." Riley said, bringing his hand to her cheek.

"Let me have this night" Buffy repeated, stepping away, and walking backwards into the mansion.

Eyes burning into Riley's, as she stepped into the gloom.

Go to Part 5