Rating: PG13
Disclaimer:They are owned by the Evil Whedon. *GRR*
Archiving: Permission is granted to archive this story please make sure credit is given.
Feedback: Pretty please?
Dedication: All my fellow B\A Shippers! Luvz! Happy Holidays!
Summary: I'm not really sure where this came from, but it was just something that I need to write. I mean, if you think about it, It raises a lot of questions. In short, Buffy writes to Angel sometime during the holiday season.

Dear Angel:

We haven't kept in touch these last few months, mostly because of what we like to call 'Destiny.' I just wanted to write to you, because I know no matter what I say or do, you'll love me. I've been thinking about life and death. It happens so fast you know, one minute you're alive and kicking, the next, you're six feet under. You ask yourself, where did it all go? Was it worth it? Me, being the slayer, I've learned that time is precious. I feel like I'm on a time clock and it's about to reach zero. I almost lost my Mom these past few months. It's funny how something so extreme as death can make you regret not saying or doing something.

I sometimes ask myself how I exactly fell in love with you, and the answer I get every time is... I have no idea. What did you say? What did you do? I fell for you so hard, and so fast. Those days ago when we were just starting out felt like heaven, it felt so simple and right. That's when the darkness came. The passion we had released something neither of us could control. For, what seemed like an eternity, I was faced with the fact that I was going to have to kill you. And when I did, I wasn't prepared. For the crimes that the demon committed, you paid. And I was the reason.

And once again I ask my self, was all that pain worth it? Did it make me a stronger person, or weaker? And through it all, do you know what the sickest part was? I loved ever minute of it. I'm not saying our relationship was easy, because it wasn't. But it was beautiful and real. You and I have something stronger then any evil force on this earth, and that's not something you forget or move on from. We've been, literally, through hell and back and if you think that turning and walking away from me is the end of it, you're wrong.

You burn, inside of me, like a candle. Sometimes when I feel like dying the candle burns brighter, silently telling me that you are here for. It gives me comfort, something to live off of. My time on this earth is short, but the candle will always burn. And it will only burn for you.

Merry Christmas Angel. I love you.

Always,
Buffy

Read the sequel, For Things We Can't Control

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