FEEDBACK: Yes please..don't make me beg for it, it's not a pretty sight!
DISCLAIMER: Not mine..never were and never will be ;(
NOTES: Sequel to "A lost soul" .
DEDICATION: To Janice, for reminding me to write this and make it happy. Oh, and it's now become a trilogy.thanks a lot, Janice. *G*

"Come on, come on." She tapped the stake against her thigh impatiently. She knew it took vamps a long time to rise, but this was bordering on ridiculous. And besides that, she had a ton of psychology homework to tackle when she got back to her dorm.

Returning to school had been harder then she thought it would be. It didn't seem to matter where she went; nothing was the same without Willow walking beside her. A dull ache settled itself in her chest as she thought about her best friend. It had been a few months since Angel had dropped her off at the graveyard and returned to L.A., but the tears still came unbidden to her eyes. At least the wrenching guilt had dissipated, thanks to Angel's efforts.

She didn't know how he did it, handled the guilt as well as he did. Just feeling responsible for Willow's death had sent her spiraling towards suicide, let alone what he must be going through. The guilt still plagued her; last week had been one of those times. Needing to hear his voice, she'd called Angel on the pretense of asking him how business was doing, but he'd seen right through it. It hadn't taken much more than that for her to break down completely. That was when she'd finally come out and asked him how he survived from day to day. If any doubts of his affection for her had remained, they would have been virtually wiped out by his answer. 'It's you, Buffy. You help me stay strong.' Needless to say, she'd ended that phone call feeling a lot better than when she'd picked up the phone.

The dirt beneath her finally started to shift, and she grinned as a hand poked its way through to the surface. The rest of the former college student quickly followed suit and she soon found herself staring at someone who she otherwise might have considered a hottie. "It's about time, not all of us are on an unlimited schedule." He quickly went into game face, but before he could even get the snarl out, the stake was firmly implanted in his chest, and her clothes were covered in dust.

A rustling in the bushes nearby alerted her to Spike's presence. "Should you really be wandering around?"

The platinum vampire just smirked, lounging on a nearby tombstone. "I thought your new boyfriend promised he'd leave me alone."

"Doesn't mean his buddies are going to, Hostile 17." After all she'd been through because of Spike, she couldn't resist getting that shot in. It obviously had its desired affect, because he shot her a dirty look. "Sorry."

"Like I care, Slayer. Slow night tonight? You know I'd go and bite some people for you, if I could." His tone was bitter, but Buffy could hardly blame him. She was glad he was out of commission when it came to killing people, but it couldn't be easy for him to be so dependant on others for food and entertainment.

She shook her head to clear away the brief sympathetic feelings. Just what was it with her and alliances with vampires, anyway? Sometimes she wished she could go back to the simpler days, when it was just plunge and move on.

Then again, she wouldn't have had Angel. A smile crossed her face as she thought about him, something that probably wouldn't have happened months ago, before her stint in L.A. In light of everything he'd done for her, she'd found it impossible to hold onto the bitterness she'd felt after graduation. Much as they missed each other, it was just easier to be apart right now.

"Oh bloody hell. I think I liked it better when you were pissed at the great poof. At least then I could enjoy your suffering." She just shot him a questioning glance. "Oh don't even try to pretend. You had that.that face you make whenever you think of Peaches. Jeez, you both make me sick. Speaking of which, how is my sire doing?"

She walked over to Spike, yanking him off the tombstone by the arm. "He's fine. Thinks your predicament is quite amusing too. Told me to keep you out of trouble, God knows why. Neither of us owes you anything. I should just stake you and be done with it."

Despite his efforts to conceal it, Spike's face showed some pleasure at the announcement, though he quickly covered it up with annoyance. "But what fun would you have then? Certainly can't be having much with that new boy toy of yours. Speaking of which, you told him about your pet vampire yet?"

"Riley's sweet, leave him alone." Spike snorted derisively and she swatted him across the chest. He raised an arm to hit back before common sense prevailed, and he lowered it again. Damn, he hated that chip.

"Sounds awfully boring, if you want my opinion."

"I don't."

"Tough shit, Slayer. You're going to get it anyway." He pulled a pack of smokes from the pocket of his leather duster, lighting one up with a satisfied sigh. "Let's see. What is it about him that has you so enamored? He's a good-looking chap, I'll give him that. Follows you around like a puppy, is disgustingly sweet towards you. And, of course I'm only guessing here, is good in bed."

"You're a pig, Spike."

"Then why are you blushing?"

"Because the last thing I want is to discuss my sex life with you. It's none of your business."

"Does the poof know you're sleeping with him? I can't imagine he would enjoy hearing too much about that. Being as he only got one go at you."

"Fuck off, Spike. Go throw yourself on a stake for all I care." The last thing she needed was to be reminded of the thing that was keeping her and Angel apart. He grabbed her arm to stop her escape, an unexpected look of contrition in his eyes.

"Sorry, Slayer. That was a low blow, even coming from me." He dropped his smoke on the ground, stepping on it to extinguish the flame.

"Yes, he knows." She didn't know why she was even bothering to answer him. Maybe because he'd lost Drucilla, he might understand a bit of what she was going through. "And no, he doesn't like it. But there isn't much either of us can do about it right now, is there?"

"You didn't answer my first question. Does Riley know about Angel?" For whatever reason, he looked genuinely interested, and Buffy found herself wanting to respond to him. With Willow gone, she hadn't had anyone around her to really talk to about this kind of stuff. Giles cared, but like any father, had a limit as to what he wanted to know about her personal life."It's never.come up."

"You mean you're avoiding the subject. When are you going to learn? Everything comes out eventually, and it usually ends up biting you in the ass. Especially when it has something to do with my stupid sire."

"I know that.its just.Riley has a hard enough time dealing with you. What would he think if I told him my ex-boyfriend.my lover...whatever you want to call him, is a vampire?"

"Great relationship you've got there, Slayer. Big on honesty.woo, I see this one being long lasting."

"I'm not sure I want it to be. It's not that I don't care about Riley, but I'm not looking for a great love affair. I just want a nice, easy relationship."

"He doesn't. The stupid sod is in love with you."

Buffy grabbed Spike's arm to halt his walking. "He can't be.I mean..he isn't."

"He is, may not have said it yet, but you can tell he wants to. Jesus, why am I the only one to pick up on these things?" Seeing the stunned look on her face, he gripped her shoulders tightly. "Look, Slayer. I don't really like you, so I'm not sure why I'm even telling you this. Commando boy has a lot more invested into this relationship than you do. You may have found the great love of your life already. Hell, I expect he'll probably be back one day. But Riley.he doesn't know that. It's not just about companionship for him." He released her arms and lit up another smoke. "Shit, I don't even know why I bother. Between you and the poof, it's a wonder I'm not as wacky as Drucilla. Sort your own life out, Slayer. I can't be bothered anymore."

Riley watched as Hostile 17 stalked away, leaving Buffy to stare forlornly at the ground, his mind only able to process one thought.

His girlfriend was in love with a vampire.

***

Xander was patiently holding their table as she entered the bronze; still deep in thought over everything Spike had told her. He gave her a brief smile as she sat down. Things had slowly gotten better between them, but they both knew it would never be the way it was. "Problems on patrol?"

She shrugged dismissively as she picked up the diet coke he'd ordered for her. "Not really. Spike showed up though." A look of disgust crossed Xander's face and she swatted at him lightly before sighing. "I know, I know. Sometimes I wonder why we let him stick around. He just annoyed me tonight, kept asking questions."

"Questions?"

"About Angel." If it was possible, he looked even more disgusted. Knowing this was one area on which they would never really agree, she just shot him a look before continuing. "He wanted to know why I hadn't told Riley about him yet."

"Good question." She froze at the voice that came from behind her. Riley walked around to grab a seat across the table from her, nodding towards Xander. "So he knows about 'Angel' too? What, is this some great secret that I wasn't supposed to hear about?" She looked away guiltily, hoping to get some support from Xander. He just shrugged.

"You know how I feel about Dead boy." Riley smirked at the nickname, not even flinching at Buffy's glare.

"If anyone should be explaining anything, I would think it'd be you, Buffy. When were you planning on telling me about him? On our first wedding anniversary?"

She choked on her drink. "Wedding? Jumping the gun a bit, aren't we?"

Riley had the good grace to look ashamed. "I just.we've been seeing each other for months now, and you haven't so much as mentioned anything about your apparently sort of ex, let alone that he's an HST."

"Angel is not a 'hostile'." It was uttered quietly, but with an unmistakable threat.

"But he is a vampire. Aren't you supposed to kill vampires?

Xander couldn't stop himself. "You have no idea how many times I tried to tell her that. And, when I think about it, it would have avoided a lot of problems if she had."

"Lay off, Xander. This is between Riley and me. If you don't have anything to add, I'd appreciate if you left before you say something else you don't mean." Xander immediately looked guilty, muttering something about not being able to let it go, before he grabbed his jacket and left. Riley had no idea what had just passed between the two friends, but he suspected it went deeper then he would ever fully understand.

She turned her icy gaze towards him again. "I know what I did to you wasn't right or fair. I didn't know how deep our relationship was going to get, and didn't want to bring too much baggage into it. But if you have to attack anyone, attack me. I'm the one that hurt you, not Angel."

"Where is he?"

She looked down at her necklace, at the silver cross that hung from the chain. "He's in L.A. He left just after my high school graduation."

The pain in his girlfriend's voice was unmistakable, and he felt a stabbing jealousy course through him. "Can I also assume that he's the one who gave you that scar?" Unable to find her voice, she just nodded. A deep agony was reflected in her eyes, but his bitterness was still too strong for him to control. "And was this a regular thing? Did you always feed him?"

A loud crack sounded out as her open palm met his cheek. "You have no idea what you're talking about, so don't even try to pass judgment on him. I told you when we first started going out that my life was more complicated than you could possibly understand. Maybe I didn't give you all the information you deserve, but you said you were okay with that."

"Hey, I think I'm the one who has the right to be upset here. Spike is one thing, but this? This is something else altogether." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration before he remembered something else Spike had said. "My God, you slept with him." He looked at her as if seeing her for the first time, the look wasn't flattering. "That's.."

"Disgusting? Is that what you were going to say? Now you see why I didn't tell you." She gazed at him sadly before sliding off her seat. "I do care about you, Riley. And I'm sorry that I hurt you. But I'll never be sorry for loving Angel." She kissed him on the cheek, smiling sadly when he recoiled. "If you still want to talk, you know where to find me."

He lost track of how long he sat there staring at her abandoned diet coke, somehow understanding how it felt. When he finally turned to leave, he saw her guitarist friend waiting to speak to him. "Oz."

As expected, the man's expression didn't change. But there was a certain condemnation in his eyes. "Do you really think that little of her now?"

"Yes.no.. I don't know." He gave Oz a pained look. "Did she really sleep with him?"

"She did once, yes."

"How could she?"

Oz just smiled sadly before pulling up a chair to sit beside him. "I spent a lot of time with her, after my girlfriend was murdered."

"Willow.she talks about her a lot. She seems to have been a nice girl."

Oz nodded, giving him a pained smile. "She was the best, no one quite like my Willow." He shook his head, as if clearing away some memory. "Buffy's had to go through a lot in her life, losing Willow was only one part of it all. Haven't you ever wondered where her seriousness comes from? Why she seems so sad sometimes?"

"All the time, but I didn't think she'd want to talk about it. I just figured it had something to do with her being the slayer for so long."

Oz shook his head ruefully. "I don't think any slayer has had to go through as much as she's had to, at least, I hope not. You asked her who Angel is, do you really want to know? Because it isn't really a happy story to tell."

"So I gathered from Xander."

Oz scowled slightly. "Xander isn't exactly the most objective person when it comes to Angel, never has been. For some reason, it got even worse after Willow died. I didn't understand a lot of it myself, until we spent all that time together. The things they went through for each other." He looked up from his drink, staring intently at Riley. "So, I'll ask you again. Do you really want to know who Angel is?"

****

"Stop squirming, he won't bite." Riley shot her a dark look and she blushed slightly, realizing what she'd said.

"Interesting place he's got here. Expecting a lot of violent guests?"

Buffy studied the weapons adorning Angel's walls. Some she recognized from the mansion, others were recent additions.

"In his line of work, he can't be sure." Silence again filled the apartment. Cordelia had been surprised by their visit, to say the least. But she had graciously let them into Angel's new apartment. Now that he was living on his own, it was decorated more to his darker tastes.

She wasn't sure what Oz had said to convince Riley to be more open minded about Angel, but she was grateful for it. In a way, she'd come to depend on Riley's stability. The trip had been his idea; he said he was tired of competing with someone he'd never even met. She'd tried to tell him that she didn't want him to compete with Angel, that right now, all she needed was for him to be himself, but he hadn't really understood.

When he'd asked if she loved him, she hadn't known what to say. She did care about Riley, and knew it would hurt when they finally went their separate ways. But did she love him? Could she? She'd had no answer to give him.

The sound of the elevator coming down broke into her thoughts, and she felt Riley stiffen beside her. She reached over to pat his hand comfortingly, watching as Angel came out into the apartment. Cordelia had obviously hadn't been there to tell him about their visit, he was too relaxed for it to be otherwise. He frowned as he pulled his duster off, and then turned to look at them.

Riley couldn't help but notice how his girlfriend came alive in some way he'd never seen before. He didn't even have to ask if this was Angel, he just knew it. She lightly kissed his cheek, a gesture that was meant to be reassuring, he supposed. She quickly got up from the couch, moving to embrace the vampire, who immediately returned the hug, gazing at Riley over Buffy's shoulder. Riley squirmed under the intense scrutiny, unable to read the vampire's expression. Seeing the two of them together, he felt the pieces fall into place, and he didn't like where they were falling.

The vampire's gaze had finally drifted away from him, to gaze intently at Buffy. They reluctantly broke the embrace and were now exchanging quiet words with one another.

Angel didn't quite know what to make of the man still seated on his couch. Seeing the affection Buffy held for him, knowing that for this man, there were no limits as to the kind of touching they could do, he felt the jealousy streak through him. Buffy gave him a concerned look and gently laid a hand on his arm. And as irrational as the need was, he was grateful for her reassurance. He understood why she'd only whispered her 'I love you'. This couldn't be easy for Riley, either.

Unsure of what he should do now, Angel just stepped towards Riley and held out his hand. Buffy looked at her boyfriend pleadingly, begging him to accept Angel's outstretched hand. He felt as if he was glued to the couch, but for her sake, he managed to stand up. At war with his instincts he grasped the vampire's hand, gasping slightly at the coldness.

"Buffy's told me a lot about you." The vampire gave a half smile and Riley felt an absurd rush of pride, as if he'd passed some test he was unaware he was taking.

"I wish I could say the same." He was unable to keep the bitterness from his voice. The vampire gave Buffy an odd look and she had the good grace to look a bit sheepish.

"Did you want something to drink? I think I can manage to scrounge something up."

"Long as it isn't blood." Riley muttered it under his breath, but he knew Angel had overheard it. A faint look of self-loathing crossed the vampire's face and he nodded, as if he'd gotten an answer to a question he'd never wanted to ask. Buffy shot Riley a dirty look, trying to ignore the possessive way he put his arm around her waist.

"Tea is fine, if you have some." Angel turned and led them into the kitchen, pretending to concentrate on the way the water filled the kettle, instead of on the jealousy that was threatening to overwhelm him."I have to go out again, finish up a case. But you're welcome to stay the night, if you want." He pulled a container of hopefully fresh milk out of the fridge and placed it on the table, looking intently at Riley. "Both of you."

"It is kind of a long drive to Sunnydale. As long as we wouldn't be in your way.." Buffy looked at Riley hopefully; after all, he was the one driving. If he chose to leave now, she wouldn't have much of a choice.

"It's up to you." Riley just shrugged defeatedly.

"Guess we'll be staying then." She gave Angel a shy smile, which he returned briefly before turning back to the boiling water. Shoulders slumped; he reached for a teabag, steeling himself for what he was about to say. "You two can have the bed, if you want."

Angel's subtle acknowledgement of their relationship buoyed him somewhat, and Riley couldn't help but smile. "What about you? Where will you sleep?" Angel just turned to look at him, eyebrow raised. "Oh, yeah." He blushed at his unintentional slip. "Um, is there a washroom I could use?"

As they waited for Riley to come back, silence again filled the kitchen. Angel placed the tea on the table, avoiding looking at Buffy. "I didn't think it would be this hard."

"Either did I." They exchanged a pain-filled glance before Angel turned away again.

"I should get going." Quickly placing a container of sugar on the table, he stalked out of the kitchen, throwing his coat over his arm. He violently shoved the elevator door open before leaning against it weakly. A soft touch on his arm alerted him to Buffy's presence, and he tried to blink the tears away before she could see them.

She just shook her head, silently ordering him not to. "Make sure you come back to me in one piece."

He nodded, reaching over to take her hand from his arm. "Riley's waiting for you."

***

He gazed at the elevator fearfully, knowing it would only take him down to something he never wanted to see; Buffy in the arms of another man. There was no way they weren't asleep by now. He'd deliberately stretched his mission out as long as he could, until even the demons he was fighting started getting bored.

After leaving a note telling Cordelia to take the day off, he reluctantly made his way down to his apartment. His clothes were filthy, covered in what he was sure Buffy would refer to as 'demon goop'. Taking a breath he didn't need, he quietly headed towards his bedroom, not wanting to wake them up. The sight that met his eyes made him turn away instantly. Riley's arm was resting on her stomach, their hands entwined. He swallowed hard and made quickly for his dresser, grabbing whatever he found first.

He was almost at the door when he heard her call out to him, and turned to see her tired eyes gaze at him in concern. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Besides, you should see the other guys." He tried to laugh, and failed miserably.

"That's not what I meant." A tear coursed its way down her cheek, but she stayed where she was, in Riley's embrace.

Never able to stand the sight of her crying, he knelt down beside the bed, gently wiping the tears away. "He's a good man, Buffy."

She turned her head to look at Riley, who was still slumbering beside her, then looked back at Angel. Carefully taking her hand away from Riley's, she reached out and grasped Angel's tightly. "So are you."

***

Riley waited until long after the vampire had left too room, till long after he'd felt Buffy's breathing deepen. Then he opened his eyes to gaze lovingly at the girl nestled beside him. Slowly, as not to wake her, he got off the bed and walked out into the other room. The vampire was hunched over on the couch, his face buried in his hands. The pain coming off of him was palpable, but he was in too much pain himself to care.

"You scarred her deep, you know."

The dark head shot up, looking guiltily at him. "I know, I've seen it." Riley snorted derisively, moving to sit on the chair furthest from the couch. "I'm not talking about that one. I mean the ones inside." The vampire just stared at him. "You can just see it in her eyes sometimes, the pain."

For some reason, Angel found himself wanting to reassure the man he wanted to hate beyond all reason. "She's been through a rough time, what with Willow dying."

Riley just shook his head. "Oh, there is that. But she'll actually talk to me about Willow. You I only found out about because of something Spike said." A look of shame crossed Angel's face at the mention of his childe.

"I should have known."

"Known what?"

"You're responsible for that one, too. You do like to create your share of problems, don't you? Even for me, and I've only just met you."

Angel shot him a dark look. "What did I ever do to you?" Riley gestured towards the darkened bedroom in answer. "She was crying, did you want me to just walk away and leave her like that?"

"It's not what you did, it's what she did, what she'll always do." Angel gave him a questioning glance. "She gave you her hand, and even after you left, didn't give it back to me. What makes you think it'll be any different when we get back to Sunnydale?"

"Do you love her?" Angel wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.

Riley laughed bitterly. "For all the good it'll do me, yes, I do."

"But you don't think she cares about you."

Riley smiled sadly. "Oh, I know she cares about me, just not enough." He leveled his gaze at Angel. "I can't give what she wants from me."

"Give her some time."

"There'll never be enough of it, you know that. I may be what she needs right now. But you're the one she'll always want." Riley got up and approached the couch, extending his hand to help Angel stand. "You have a part of her I'll never be able to touch, never see. And I'm not sure if I can forgive you for that."

He turned and headed back towards the bedroom, towards Buffy. Angel just watched for a moment, knowing that something had just happened between them, but unsure of what it was. "What is it that you want?"

Riley looked from the bedroom then, back to Angel again. "I want all of her." He gazed at the small blonde sleeping in the next room. "But I'll take whatever she's willing to give."

Angel was satisfied with that.

Additional author's note: OKay...B/A shippers..count to ten..breathe, do whatever you have to. I swear, all this angst IS taking us someplace. :)

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