Rating: PG 15
Spoilers: S5 Buffy/S2 Angel (after 'The Body')
Disclaimer: Not mine. Surprised?
Distribution: Take it. Send me addy, all will be good.

I'm full of pain right now. The pain is sharp inside of my heart, but dull everywhere else in my aching body. I'm full from top to bottom with this heart wrenching melody.

I stumble into the bathroom of the Bronze. There are three girls laughing and carrying on as they were re-doing their make up. I don't bother to see who they are, I have a task to do. I practically crawl into the stall, slamming the door shut behind me.

So full.

I shove two fingers down my throat, gagging myself, feeling whatever was left in my stomach rise. I grip the sides of the toilet as I heave.

I feel better now. Less full, as my body was emptying, the pain was lessening a little. Not much, but it was a start. The blood isn't a good sign, but it doesn't matter. Blood is life, and I don't want mine.

I think the Scooby Gang is beginning to figure it out. Their looks of pity stab at me and make me want to bury myself deeper into the darkness, because I know I'm the one who causes them.

I spit into the toilet, wiping away the vomit from my face. I lean against the cool stall wall, beads of sweat dripping down my forehead.

Dawn already knows. The walls at my house are thin, and one can't hear so much crying and not put two and two together.

I think Dawn is pretending to not notice it. I don't think the poor girl can notice anything right now, she's so lost. It's all because of me.

I drag myself to the sink, running the cool water over my face. The three girls are looking at me with worried expressions. I tense, they look familiar.

"Buffy?"

Willow, Tara and Dawn.

My eyes widen and I run out of the bathroom when I see their horrified expressions. Running out of the bronze, I walk into an alley and lean against the cool brick.

Why did they have to find out? I'm hurting more people, why do I hurt so many people? I have to end this, now. Stop hurting them. I have to help myself.

I pull the capsule out of my boot. I pop the top off. I stare at the liquid for a while. My eyes hurt.

It's poison.

My eyes clenching shut, I begin to cry, but no tears come out. There're none left in my body. Only a mixture of gasping and sobbing comes out as I pour the cool liquid down my throat.

It burns underneath my skin and through my veins, darkness envelopes me and nothing else matters.

The last thing I remember is the aching smile that tugs at the corner of my lips.

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