DISCLAIMER: Nothing is mine. Not even the idea - I kind of borrowed it from Serena and her LKND series (don't worry, I asked first).
TIMELINE: After Dracula v. Buffy.
SPOILERS: See above. Those trying to stay spoiler free for season 5 TURN BACK NOW.
SYNOPSIS: Buffy dreams about Angel. Buffy's POV.
DISTRIBUTION: Just give me the address!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is the first in a series I'm planning - it's vaguely revisionist and will have Buffy dreaming of Angel after every season 5 episode. At least, that's the plan. I may run out of steam. Nice feedback would help :).
AUTHOR'S NOTES 2: The title of this piece and the series both come from the song 'Only When I Sleep' by the Corrs.
FEEDBACK: It gets hard to think of cute things to say here. Please just send some < g >.
RATING: PG

I looked groggily around at my surroundings. It took a second, but I realised that something was wrong. I was in a library.

In fact, I was in THE library. As in, the burnt-down library that no longer existed.

With my ex-boyfriend sitting quietly at a table, reading a dusty book.

I approached, but he didn't react at all. No looking around, just calmly turning the pages, focusing on his book, not a care in the world.

'What are you doing here?' I asked him when I was standing behind him.

'I don't know,' he replied, infuriatingly calmly. 'It's your dream, Buffy.'

'Are you here?' I asked hesitatingly.

Now he did turn and look at me, seemingly amused. 'You can see me, can't you?'

'Is that you you or me you?' I said, meaning was he a figment of my imagination, or tucked up in LA and dreaming this with me. It's not exactly unheard of for us to share dreams.

'Does it matter?' he asked.

'Yes,' I said, not sure why.

'Well, surely you haven't imagined me,' he said, 'You wouldn't be dreaming about me, right?'

'You're being cryptic,' I observed, 'And I always try not to imagine you cryptic, so ...'

He smiled crookedly and didn't answer.

'If you're not the real Angel,' I began, then reconsidered and stopped.

'What?' he prompted gently.

'Do you know what's going on with him?' I finished with difficulty, staring intently at his (it's? hers, even) right ear. 'I mean, how he is?'

'He's doing okay,' the thing said, 'But for the purposes of this, I am the real Angel, Buffy. You're thinking of him, now. You're letting us through.'

'For the purposes of what?' I said quickly.

'Reassurance. Of you both,' he said. 'You two are losing the faith. You used to think you'd still get him back eventually. When did you stop believing that, Buffy?'

'I don't know,' I barely whispered, feeling the first twinges of guilt. I didn't know when I'd stopped believing that - but I knew I'd never thought I would.

'How quickly humans forget,' Angel's shade commented.

'Has he forgotten?' I said, a panic I didn't care to analyse too deeply grabbing me.

'I won't forget,' he said, falling swiftly into the first person. He stepped forward and cupped my cheek, gently lifting my chin to gaze into his eyes, and with a shock I realised that part of this thing certainly was Angel, or Angel was part of this thing, because every cell in my body screamed that my soulmate was standing in front of me.

'You have to forget a little, Buffy,' he was carrying on, 'I understand that. It's the thought that the only parts you're remembering are the bad parts that worries me.'

My eyes grew a little wet and I reached up to clasp his hand on my cheek, 'It's easier to carry on with Riley if I don't remember how it was with you,' I said quietly, aware that I was badmouthing my current to my former and not really caring.

'Can't you take comfort in the good parts?' he asked, catching and holding my gaze once again.

'I don't know how to,' I said hopelessly, 'I'm not as strong as you.'

'Oh, Buffy ...' he breathed, and pulled me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me and resting his head on top of mine. I relaxed into his familiar hold for the first time in over a year, pillowing my head on his chest.

I pulled back with a slight frown, 'Have you been working out?'

'A little,' he said with a laugh in his voice, 'You like?'

'Yeah,' I said, absently testing the hardness of his torso with one hand slipping under his shirt. 'You're doing okay with the demons, then?'

A shadow crossed his face for a moment and he smiled ruefully, 'I've made ... a couple of mistakes.'

'Really?' I said in surprise.

'Of course,' he said, surprised at my surprise.

I looked hard at him for a beat, 'Well, don't give yourself too much hassle over them.' I gave a rueful smile of my own. 'You're probably still a ways behind me.'

'You're growing up,' he said earnestly, 'You're supposed to...'

'Screw up completely?' I said bluntly.

'You're hunting again now,' he said firmly, and I wondered how he knew I hadn't done too much of my sacred duty last year.

'Yeah. And that's going swell,' I said sarcastically, one hand coming up to check my neck where Dracula bit me.

Angel's hand covered my own and brought it back down, leaving his fingers lightly interlaced with mine.

'It won't scar,' he said positively.

'Yours did,' I said, getting a jolt as I remembered the feel of his fangs in my throat, his lips on my neck, his weight covering mine as he fed from my body. I shivered and looked up at him, and saw the same memory reflected in his eyes as he unconsciously licked his lips.

'Mine was meant,' he said eventually, but through that simple (and confusing) explanation I could hear his pleasure at the thought.

'Meant for what?' I asked casually, but all I could think was that maybe this was why I saw such a lack of vamp action last year. A woman marked as the property of Angelus, his bite branded onto her neck, is a woman safe from most vampire attack, save that of another master.

As a modern American woman I'm naturally offended at the thought of such primal 'belonging' to a man, but as a woman there's something appealing about it. It implies fidelity, speaks of faithfulness; says that "you're mine, and I'll come back for you".

'Just meant,' he said playfully.

'Are you going to come back for me?' I heard my voice ask Angel.

I immediately disassociated myself from the comment. Unless I liked the answer, in which case I would reclaim it.

'When you're ready,' he said patiently, flashing me a smirk.

I stared up at him thoughtfully for a long moment.

'I guess I can live with that,' I said slowly. 'Who decides when I'm ready?'

'You,' he said, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

I thought about it. 'What if I said I was ready now?' I offered.

'I'd know you were lying,' he replied dryly.

'You always did,' I said, half in annoyance and half in loving resignation.

'Always will,' he said, looking at me appraisingly.

'What?' I said in alarm. 'Is this a bad hair dream and you didn't tell me?'

'No,' he said, still looking at me with narrowed eyes. 'You need to go,' he said suddenly.

'But I'm having a perfectly nice time,' I said, 'And I'm not done with you yet.'

He smiled at me, a new one which I instinctively knew meant "you may state your point for me to ignore".

'These dreams will be hard on you at first,' he said, 'It's not exactly just the usual product of your subconscious.'

'No,' I said, 'You want to try one of the usual products of my subconscious with you in?'

He looked sharply at me. Then he looked tempted.

'No...' he said, looking a little reluctant.

'Maybe another time,' I said, shrugging, 'There's going to be another time, isn't there?' I asked, a little fearfully, 'You just said they'd be hard at first ...'

'Yeah, there'll be more,' he said, 'Whatever you need.'

'I get to be in control?' I said eagerly.

'More or less,' he said. 'You don't actually get to send a written request or anything. We'll know when you need me.'

'I always need you,' I pouted.

'And I'll be back,' he said quietly, coming in close to me, 'Really back,' looking deep into my eyes again, 'When I don't need you quite so much.'

I didn't understand that, but he was gone, so I didn't get a chance to ask him.

But I know I will.

I know it was a little rough - I was pretty much setting up the premise. Tell me what you thought, please!

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