SERIES: Only When I Sleep 4
DISCLAIMER: Buffy and Angel belong to Joss; the title comes from a song by the Eurythmics. Who am I to disagree?
TIMELINE: After 'Out Of My Mind' and 'Untouched'.
SPOILERS: 'Out Of My Mind' and 'Untouched'.
SYNOPSIS: Buffy and Angel meet again in their dreams.
DISTRIBUTION: Want, ask, have.
FEEDBACK: It's not that I won't beg ... it's more that you really don't want to see it.
RATING: PG

I didn't go looking for him, and I don't think he tried to find me.

But something brought us together.

********

'Nice place,' I observed dryly. 'Your choice?'

Angel lay prostrate on a large bed, staring at the flaming sunset above and around him. I went over (it was kind of like floating. Can't say I'm eager to repeat the walking-on-nothing feeling) and stood over him, arms crossed.

Trying not to be affected by his state of shirtlessness. He's really gained more muscle definition around the ... no! I don't care.

'I don't know,' he said disinterestedly. His eyes flicked over me, raking me over from head to toe, lingering like a loving caress. I fidgeted, discomforted, and his gaze moved back up onto the red streaks. He gave the sky a tiny smile. 'Probably you. Where would I get the imagery?'

'I think this is an LA sunset,' I said.

'I still can't go out in them,' he pointed out.

'Whatever,' I said, determined to match him in detachment.

'Feel free to sit down,' he said.

'Fine,' I said stiffly, 'I will. Move over.'

He heaved a sigh he didn't need and shifted over.

I sat heavily on the bed, then, suddenly tired, I swung my feet up and lay back.

The bed promptly dipped down the centre, flinging me and Angel into a messy tangle in the middle.

'Sorry,' he said.

'Sorry,' I said.

'Aren't you going to move?' I said a minute later.

'Aren't you?' he countered. Very childishly, I thought.

'Yeah,' I said. Though I was enjoying having his body pressed against mine again, after so ... Oh, God. Shoot me now.

'Go on then,' he said.

I exerted myself to move and nearly rolled off the bed. Angel threw a quick hand out to steady me, gripping my hand with reassuring strength and capability, pulling me back up.

'Over-compensation,' he explained solemnly.

'Yeah,' I agreed awkwardly, resuming my place a careful distance from him.

We lay in silence. Again.

'What's the point of this?' I burst out eventually, unable to find the fascination Angel did in the sunset. Well, I guess I can see them any day, while he can't, but it's polite for a guy to make a girl feel more interesting than the scenery.

'Of what?' he said.

'This!' I yelled. 'We have these dreams and you don't talk to me and nothing happens and it's not like they really count as rest out there!' I gesticulated wildly, trying to indicate the real world. 'Why bother?'

He turned his head and fixed his gaze on me. Again, I had the sense that I was talking to two beings; Angel and something ... else. Something deeper.

'This is real,' he stated calmly. 'What is done cannot be undone; what is bound once is bound always.'

'That's cryptic,' I sniped. 'And it's a cryptic non-answer.'

'All I've got,' he said.

I made a note to try and remember that to spout back to Giles; it sounded vaguely like prophecy language. Though that would entail explaining how I came across this little bit of wisdom, and then I'd have to tell him about the dreams, and then - then I don't know.

'You can just go, Buffy,' he said. 'Think out of it and they won't drag you back.'

'Ever?' I asked quietly.

'Not ever,' he said. 'But not now.'

I do know that however small, however unreal these glimpses of him are - I don't want to lose them.

'No,' I said.

He put out a tentative hand to me and I took it. We clasped our hands in the middle of the bed and lay, together.

'So, how's your life?' he ventured when I was near sleep (except for that, um, I was already in sleep), soothed by his presence and cool palm against my warm one. I've always liked that temperature difference. Even now, I sometimes wake and wonder why the arms cradling me aren't marble-hard and cool.

'Sucky,' I said matter-of-factly. 'You?'

'All right,' he said.

'Wanna talk about it?'

I laughed bitterly. 'Yep. But you don't wanna hear about it.'

'Try me,' he coaxed.

'It's about Riley,' I said unemotionally.

'Oh,' he said. 'Maybe I don't want to hear about it.'

'He was sick.'

'Is this some sort of you feeding him chicken soup thing?' he asked hesitantly, 'Because that's cute and all, but I don't need to know, Buffy.'

'More of a him nearly dying thing,' I told him.

He was quiet for a minute. 'Oh. I'm sorry.'

'I think you've already proved you're not too bothered about his health, Angel,' I half-teased.

'I'm bothered about you,' he said. 'It's ... not easy to see someone you love sick. I know that.'

'Love,' I murmured.

Angel didn't say anything.

'He didn't want to get treatment,' I said slowly,' Because he thought I wouldn't want him if he was normal.'

'Then he's an idiot,' Angel said fervently. He rolled up onto his elbow to look fully down at me. He reached out his free hand, and it hovered while he seemed to consider; then it settled gently on my abdomen and his fingers slipped under the hem of my shirt so he could caress my belly soothingly. Riley does that; but it seemed right when Angel did it. I relaxed, silently telling him it was okay.

'All you've ever wanted was to be normal,' Angel went on. He smiled ruefully. 'That's why I left.'

'Maybe not all I ever wanted,' I said, staring up into his dark eyes. His hand stilled as he gazed back at me and there was a moment - okay, a pretty long moment - when all I wanted was for him to kiss me.

So of course that was when he flopped back over onto his back. I might've smacked him, only he reached to reclaim my hand immediately, this time beginning an erratic rhythm of strokes with his thumb on my palm.

Do you know how difficult it is to concentrate when your lover starts doing that? Um, ex.

I made a womanful effort. 'What about you?'

'What about me?' he said, his fingers starting to wander up my arm.

'Well, you usually have an eventful week ...' I said. My elbows are very ticklish.

He gave a low laugh, 'I did.'

I made a conscious effort to control my breathing. Damn my traitorous body.

'I met a kinetic and got impaled on an iron bar for my troubles,' he said.

I shot up, 'What? Where? Are you okay?' I asked, scanning his body quickly.

Angel indicated his shoulder. The skin there was smooth and unblemished. 'Oh,' I said, lying back, 'Hang on - is it like that in the real world?'

'Yeah,' he said reassuringly, 'Still have the super healing.'

'Yeah,' I said, comforted. He's hard to kill. Like me.

'As long as you're okay,' I said.

'Yeah,' he said distantly. 'I ... I'm okay.'

I wasn't quite surprised when he said, 'No, I'm not. I've been ... Buffy, I've been having ...'

We were interrupted by a distant knocking. I frowned, trying to place it, resisting the impulse to check for a bogeyman or other monster under the bed. Well, you try having this duty.

I looked at Angel, waiting for him to go on; he was listening intently. 'Gotta get out of bed ...' he muttered absently. Then he gave me a quick, regretful smile and disengaged his hand from mine.

'I have to go,' he said softly.

'Aren't you going to finish?' I asked, causing him to have an expression; our eyes locked again, and I opened my mouth to ask him about the strange confusion in his gaze.

'No,' he said finally. He gave me a brittle smile, and added, 'I'm sure it'll sort out.'

'You know,' I said, leaning up for a moment to look at him intently, 'I'm just on the other end of the phone. I mean, really ... if you want to talk ... you can call.'

'Thanks,' he said, grinning crookedly. He hesitated for a moment, then added quietly, 'You know I won't.'

'Yeah,' I said resignedly, giving him a bittersweet smile. 'Bye.'

He bent over me and my eyes closed instinctively as his lips found mine. We kissed tenderly for a long minute, holding the contact. I relished the familiar sensation, memorising the coolness of his mouth against mine, of one of his big hands brushing my hair back, and him leaning strong and graceful above me.

When I reluctantly opened my eyes he was gone; but I stayed a little while longer. I kind of miss those flashy LA sunsets.

Go to the next story Tangled In My Dreams

Send feedback to Esmerelda

Back to the Fanfiction Archive