Disclaimer: I don’t own ‘em...though that should be quite obvious.
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: B/?, B/A, C/D, W/O, X/A
Series Summary: post-s3 (BTVS) AU…departs from canon after the s3 finale and jumps into my own universe. From there, almost everything will be different. A few characters and concepts will pop-up, but really, this doesn’t relate at all to the seasons that followed s3.
Fic Summary: It’s six years later and an old face is about to resurface as danger lurks.
Spoilers: The first 3 fics in the series, and anything through the end of s3 of BTVS, but mostly the end of s3, and also mild generic spoilers for BtVS & AtS later seasons
Distribution: my site (Vagabond Soul), and if you already have any of my fics, you may take this one, if not, please ask first.
Author’s Notes: This is the 4th fic in the SiT series, the first 3 can be found here:
http://www.geocities.com/flyersgagne_12/sit.htm
This fic jumps six years into the future. As with the last fic, a few concepts have been taken from the actual BtVS and AtS seasons and twisted to fit the alternate reality I’ve created. So there will be a few things you’re familiar with, but they won’t be exactly the same.
Thank you: to *Stars*, my fab beta, and to everyone who has sent feedback throughout this series. You guys are the greatest!!
Warnings: very angsty, maybe a few bad words, possible character death

Part 1
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~almost six years later~

“Night sweetie,” Buffy whispered, placing a light kiss on her now sleeping daughter’s forehead.

She carefully raised herself off the bed, not wanting to wake Ashlynn up. It had taken her long enough to get the energetic little girl to go to sleep and she really didn’t want to go through it all over again. Leaning over the bed, Buffy tucked the covers in around her daughter and turned away from the bed. Instead of leaving the room and heading to her own bed, she walked over to the rocking chair in front of the window and sat down.

For a few moments, she stared out of the large window, thinking of years past before her gaze drifted back to the sleeping form of her precious baby girl. Well, she wasn’t really a baby anymore. Ashlynn was almost six years old, a fact she liked to point out regularly these days. Six years old. How had the time passed so quickly? It seemed like only yesterday that Buffy had run from Sunnydale, pregnant and alone. Now she had an almost six year old daughter, a steady well-paying job, a great group of friends...she had almost everything she could ever want. But it still boggled her mind that in a few weeks they’d be having Ash’s sixth birthday party.

Being a mother was more than she could have ever imagined it would be. Every single day was a learning experience. Who would have thought that a little girl could find so much trouble to get into! They’d all learned pretty quickly to keep things out of reach of the curious toddler. Of course, that was after Ash had raided the bathroom and played with Mommy and Aunt Cordelia’s makeup. And then there was the oh-so-fun case of chicken pox. Poor Cordy. The former cheerleader had never had the chicken pox and had caught them from Ashlynn. That little episode had cost Buffy a trip to a spa for Cordy once she was better.

All in all, though, she loved being a mother. It was an amazing feeling to have someone love you unconditionally, and to look to you for guidance and support. Each and every turn in Ash’s life had brought warmth to Buffy’s heart; seeing her crawl for the first time, watching her learn to walk, teaching her to read, and all the other things that had come across their paths. She never knew what a rewarding experience it was to have a child.

The others were quite enamored with the lovable girl as well, and Ashlynn adored all her ‘aunts’ and ‘uncles’, even Lorne. Buffy’s happy thoughts faltered slightly at that thought. Ash wasn’t quite the normal little girl, though she wasn’t exactly abnormal. She was rather intelligent for someone her age, and she seemed to possess more strength than she should, which was likely because of her parentage. The odd part was that, even at an early age, Ash appeared to grasp the concept of good and evil, and humans and demons. None of them could figure it out, but Ash just seemed to understand. She knew that Lorne was a demon, and it didn’t bother her in the least. Buffy just hoped that it wasn’t a prelude to anything, such as being Called as a Slayer.

If that time came though, she would find a way to deal with it. She couldn’t fight fate anyway, and she had her friends to help her through anything that might come their way. When she’d left Sunnydale nearly seven years ago, Buffy could have never imagined that she would be surrounded by such wonderful people. Cordy had become one of her best friends, Doyle had also become someone who she could count on, Lorne had been a savior when he came into her life, and then there was Willow and Oz who had come back into her life years ago and remained. They were her support group, and her confidants, always there when she needed a friend, or two.

Cordy and Doyle were now ‘officially’ together, though they’d been ‘dating’ for quite a long time. Buffy couldn’t help but shake her head at those two. They had a strange relationship and were always bickering with each other, but it worked for them. Cordy had recently moved upstairs to Doyle’s apartment and they were now planning their wedding, a huge, all-out affair at Cordy’s insistence that would take place in a few months.

Not wanting Buffy to be alone in her apartment after Cordy moved upstairs, Willow and Oz had moved in with her. The two of them had gotten married three years earlier on a trip to Vegas. Lorne had decided that the club needed some remodeling so he closed it down for two weeks and told them all to take a vacation. So they’d gone off to Vegas where Willow and Oz decided on a spur of the moment wedding. It was perfect for them, though, and Buffy couldn’t have been happier.

The club was doing better than any of them could have expected. It was a huge hit among young adults, and most nights they found themselves turning away people. They’d all found their niche when it came to their jobs at the club. Oz handled all the music; Doyle dealt with the liquor; Cordy worked with the finances; Willow was solely responsible for anything computer related; Lorne oversaw everything and made sure the club met regulations; and Buffy found herself in charge of all the employees. It was a nice little thrill to have control over people, and she had a knack for giving orders. Their jobs kept them fairly busy, but the success of the club and the resulting income washed away any complaints.

There was still evil to be fought as well. As much as she wished she could have left her role as a Slayer behind, Buffy couldn’t. It was part of who she was. Still, she didn’t patrol nearly as much as she did in Sunnydale. Usually, she only went out two or three nights a week, and never alone. Her friends never let her slay alone, knowing she had a better chance of returning if she had backup. No one ever said it out loud, but they knew there was always a chance that Ashlynn could be left motherless. So when Buffy did patrol, they went out in groups, usually with either Cordy and Doyle, or Willow and Oz accompanying her. Most times, though, their evil fighting centered on uprisings that either Doyle or Lorne heard about through their connections.

On the surface, her life appeared perfect, but there was still a gaping hole in her heart. A hole left by the absence of her soulmate, and which had never fully healed. The ache was less these days, but all Buffy had to do was look at her blonde haired, brown eyed daughter and she’d see Angel staring back at her. It brought tears to her own eyes more than once when looking at her beautiful little girl, but she couldn’t dwell on it. Angel was gone, and had been gone for much longer than they’d been together. It wouldn’t do her any good to stay lost in the past.

Ashlynn was almost three when she first asked about her Father. They’d been at the park when she’d seen another girl playing with an older man. With the typical curiosity of a child, Ash had asked who the man was and why he was with the girl. It had broken Buffy’s heart to explain that the man was the little girl’s father. When she’d asked where her father was, Buffy couldn’t hold back the tears that crept down her cheeks. She was torn about what to tell her daughter about her father.

Her first instinct had been to not say anything. Why give Ashlynn memories of a man she’d never know? But the questioning deep brown eyes of her beautiful baby girl told her she couldn’t deprive her of knowing about her father. So she’d given in and told Ashlynn about Angel. It was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. All Buffy could really tell her was that her Daddy was a wonderful man named Angel and that he couldn’t be with him, but that he loved her very much. Being so young, Ash had taken the words at face value.

As she got older, she asked more questions, and in time, Buffy became more comfortable answering them. Angel couldn’t be there with them, but that didn’t mean Ashlynn didn’t deserve to know about him. Many nights, when Buffy put her daughter to bed, she would tell Ashlynn a story about her father. Given that they had not been together that long and that a lot of their time together was not child-rated, stories were often repeated. But Ash didn’t seem to mind. She was happy just to hear about him.

Buffy had even given her a picture of Angel which was kept on her nightstand. It wasn’t easy for her to talk about the man who’d walked away from her, but in the end, she’d do anything to make her daughter happy. And she knew that it wasn’t fair to let her past interfere with Ash knowing who her father was. So she persevered and did the best she could when it came to mentioning Angel.

Sighing, Buffy pushed all thoughts about her daughter’s father out of her head. The less she thought about him, the better she felt. He wasn’t part of her life anymore. She’d long ago accepted that fact and moved on. It didn’t matter that Ashlynn deserved to know her father, or that Angel should know he had a daughter. She couldn’t change the way things were, and that was really all there was to it.

Buffy looked over at her sleeping daughter once again for a minute before realizing she, herself, needed to get to bed. She had a busy day at the club tomorrow and it would do her no good to stay up half the night. Pushing herself out of the rocking chair, Buffy was overcome by dizziness and quickly reached out to steady herself on the windowsill. Her eyes closed, waiting for the feeling to pass. When they opened again, the world had righted itself. Buffy shook her head, cursing herself for not getting enough sleep, and quietly walked out of Ashlynn’s room.

Within moments of lying down in her bed, Buffy was sound asleep. Her age and active life seemed to be catching up with her quicker these days. It was the price she paid, though, for the life she led.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~somewhere in Europe~

The door slammed loudly behind him as Angel stumbled into a quaint little pub somewhere in Ireland. With slow steps, he wandered toward the bar area and plopped down onto one of the empty stools in the corner. He slouched heavily against the counter, his entire body worn and exhausted. Absently, he noticed the many cuts and abrasions on his hands, but he paid them no mind. They were a small price to pay for the battles he fought.

His night so far had been spent taking out a nest of Gur’boluck demons that had taken over an empty building a few blocks away. Nasty little buggers they were, had a tendency to try and bite. Angel frowned in distaste and glanced at the holes in his pants. Damn demons. They hadn’t stood a chance, though, against the battle hardened vampire with a soul. Now, each and every one of them were buried in the forest behind their hideout, ripped to shreds by a warrior’s axe.

It was the same thing every night for Angel. Fighting the good fight, ridding the earth of the demon plague. It was the only thing he could do. There was nothing else for him in this world, at least not anymore. Once upon a time there had been someone; a smiling young woman with golden blonde hair, and mesmerizing hazel eyes, but she was just a memory now. A painful reminder of who he was and what he could never have.

So he fought, night in and night out, city to city, country to country. His travels had taken him from France, to Spain, to Germany, to Italy, to China, and virtually everywhere in between. Now he found himself in Ireland, a place he hadn’t been to since before the return of his soul many, many years ago. Why on earth he had to come back here, he did not know. There were so many bad memories associated with his homeland, but it seemed to be calling to him. He had to admit there was a certain comfort level being back in Ireland. Still, he probably wouldn’t stay for long. He had no cause to drop down roots anywhere. That was just the way things were for him. The more he moved around, the more he fought, the easier it was to block out everything else.

Angel’s brooding was slightly interrupted when he heard the stool next to him pulled out and a body haphazardly seat itself on the rickety wood. Ignoring the unwanted company, he leaned further into the shadows, content to be alone. When he heard the new person speak, though, his attention quickly snapped to his left.

“Gimme a beer, would ya?” the all too familiar accented voice shouted loudly despite the fact that the bartender was only two feet away.

Warily, Angel lifted his eyes, dreading, but knowing exactly what he would find. And he was right. If the voice hadn’t given it away, the bleach blonde head would have.

“Spike?!?” he bit out in annoyance.

The blonde head whirled around at the word, eyes widening.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” Spike smirked and frowned at the same time.

“What the Hell are you doing here?” Angel nearly screamed at him. He had no desire to deal with his arrogant childe.

“Fuck off, mate,” Spike waved his hand at him and turned back to his beer causing Angel to roll his eyes. Same old Spike.

Deciding he might just be better off ignoring the blonde, Angel shifted away from Spike. He carelessly guzzled at his own beer, wishing he wasn’t a vampire so that he could get completely wasted. Nothing like the ignorant bliss of alcohol, but it would take more than just a few beers to dull the ever-present memories in his mind.

The two sat in silence for a long while, enjoying only the company of their drinks. It wasn’t until Spike reached his fourth dark brew of the late night that his attention switched back to his brooding ponce of a sire.

“Ya know, mate,” he started cockily, and waited until Angel’s exhausted, bleary gaze was on him. “I woulda thought you’d be blowin’ in the wind by now.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Angel growled at him.

“Honestly...,” Spike pondered the idea momentarily. “Yes. But, really, I’m surprised to see you sittin’ ‘ere.”

“And why is that?” Angel asked, not entirely caring what the answer was, as he twisted on his stool to fully face the bleached wonder.

“No reason,” shrugged Spike indifferently. “Jus’ thought that with that bloody tormented soul of yours you wouldn’t be able to go on now that your precious blondie’s gone.”

Angel’s body stiffened instantly. “What are you talking about?”

His childe went on as if Angel hadn’t spoken. “I figured you’d have taken the first sunrise train to Hell after the little Slayer bit the big one. Now, really, with you still being here, unfortunately, what does that say about that fuzzy love crap between you two?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” Angel roared, leaping to his feet and pulling Spike off his seat by the lapels of his worn duster. Spike couldn’t be saying...no it wasn’t possible! It couldn’t be...

“Easy on the coat, mate! It’s real leather!” the blonde vampire shoved Angel away from him.

“I’m going to ask this one more time, boy,” Angel spoke clearly, fighting off the cold that was settling deep in his soul. “WHAT are you talking about?”

“Settle down you bleeding ponce,” Spike sat back down on his stool, his eyes though, focused on Angel, reading the frightened worry. “You don’t know do you? Such a shame about her. She had quite a scrumptious little body, for a Slayer an all.”

“Spike!” Angel growled threateningly.

The blonde stared at Angel for a minute. “You really don’t know do you?”

“KNOW WHAT?” Angel shouted in frustrating, his worry increasing ten-fold. He couldn’t even think what Spike’s words were meaning.

“I paid a little visit to good old Sunnyhell last year,” Spike began, enjoying the slow torture of his sire. “Ran into a feisty brunette. Imagine my surprise to find that she was a Slayer. Pity too. Bet she woulda been a good screw.”

“A Slayer?” Angel questioned in bewilderment. Another Slayer? His body wilted, falling carelessly onto his stool.

“Surprising, I know,” Spike replied, not caring in the least about the effect his words were having. “Disappointment too. I was looking forward to a good tumble you’re your little Fluffy.”

“But....no,” the last word came out in a harsh whisper. It wasn’t possible. She couldn’t be gone. All these years he’d told himself that she was happy, living the life she deserved. She couldn’t be...no, it just wasn’t possible.

“So I asked the feisty brunette where Blondie was,” Spike continued disinterestedly. “Was told she’s been gone for almost seven years.”

“No...,” Angel pushed away from the bar, knocking over his stool. “No!”

He staggered backwards a few steps, not hearing another word out of his childe’s mouth. The only thing he could focus on was the word ‘gone.’ She was...no! No! It wasn’t possible.

Angel turned and fled from the bar, running as fast as his feet would take him. He ran until his body could take no more, collapsing to his knees on the dirt covered ground somewhere.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!” his anguished howl sounded loudly through the stark night.

A long while later, face wet with tears, Angel found himself still on his knees, praying to anyone that would listen that it wasn’t true. Buffy couldn’t be...dead. The word caused a strangled cry to escape his lips. She couldn’t be. Just couldn’t be. That wasn’t what was supposed to happen! She was supposed to be happy!

His eyes flashed amber as the unwanted thought of some vicious beast ending her life entered his mind. No! He pushed the idea from his head. He wouldn’t accept it. She wasn’t dead! He would have known it if she had...died.

Angel pushed himself to his feet unsteadily. He had to know. All this time he’d gone on believing she was living a happy life. Now...he had to know. And if it was true...if she was really...gone, he’d find the son of a bitch who’d done it and tear him limb from limb until there was nothing left. Maybe throw in a few weeks of torture first. But first, he had to know.

It was time to go home.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Part 2
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~several days later~

Standing in the doorway to Buffy’s room, Willow peered in hoping to find Buffy awake. Actually, she wasn’t sure if she wanted Buffy to be awake or not, because she wasn’t sure she had the nerve to tell her what it was she was here for. She honestly didn’t know how her friend was going to handle the information she just found out. Still, she had to tell her, it was the right thing to do.

Buffy was in fact awake, standing in front of her full length mirror wearing only panties and a bra. The sight would have made Willow blush if she hadn’t gotten caught up looking at the same thing Buffy appeared to be studying. Trailing down the blonde’s back and twisting around her side was an ugly, raised scar about half an inch wide. A slight tremor of terror rippled through Willow as she saw the highly visible mark.

Unlike other wounds, this one had never faded having been too severe to be fully healed by the Slayer’s advanced powers. It would likely forever be a reminder of the battle they fought almost two years earlier. An old warehouse had been taken over by a group of Cystyic demons who had a penchant for feeding on the flesh of homeless people. Lorne had heard there were at least eight of them living in the warehouse so they had come to the conclusion that they would all be needed to take them out.

The demons weren’t actually that tough, but unfortunately, neither Doyle nor Lorne had been informed that the demons had two minions each, raising the total number of demons to twenty-four. Upon realizing this after their arrival at the warehouse, the group had been totally thrown off. Buffy and Doyle immediately went after the Cystyic demons while Cordy, Willow and Oz tackled the vampire minions (Lorne was home with Ashlynn).

Things had been going okay until Doyle was thrown across the room and knocked unconscious. The two remaining demon leaders ganged up on Buffy and one of them slashed at her from behind with a dagger, deeply shredding her skin from the center of her back and down around her side. To her credit, Buffy kept fighting, managing to kill both demons and helping with the remaining vamps.

Once the battle was over, Buffy collapsed, blood quickly pooling around her body. If it hadn’t been for Tara, who’d accompanied them in case magic was needed, Buffy may not have made it. She performed some type of healing spell to stem the blood flow until they could get her to the hospital. The Slayer survived, for which Willow was immensely grateful, but still bore the mark of that fight. The others hadn’t escaped injury either. Oz had broken his wrist, Doyle received a concussion, and Cordy had been pushed into a piece of exposed metal, cutting her arm and requiring sixteen stitches plus tetanus boosters.

Willow knew Buffy was happy to have made it through the battle, but she also knew that the lasting mark on her skin bothered her. It was just another reminder of the destiny she lived, but never asked for. She never complained about it, though, just accepted that the scar would always be there.

Breaking out of her reverie, Willow took a deep breath, remembering what she’d come for, and knocked on the door. Buffy startled at the sound and looked up to see Willow standing in the doorway. Remembering that she was almost naked, Buffy quickly pulled on her robe.

“Sorry,” Willow blushed, saying nothing about seeing Buffy looking at the scar.

“It’s okay,” Buffy shrugged nonchalantly. “We’re both girls. I have the same parts you do. Come on in.”

Willow walked into the room and took a seat on the Slayer’s bed. “Where’s Ashlynn?”

“Upstairs with Cordy and Doyle. She wanted to play dress-up with Cordy,” Buffy rolled her eyes, wondering if it was smart to let her daughter play dress-up with a fashion princess. “So what’s up?”

Averting her eyes, Willow pulled at the hem of her shirt. “Oh...umm...well...”

“Just spit it out, Will,” Buffy sat down next to her friend, growing slightly nervous.

Willow took a deep breath and looked up, meeting Buffy’s eyes. “Oz talked to his parents on the phone today. They, umm,...they said that...that your Mom-.”

“What about my Mom?” the blonde interrupted sharply.

“Buffy,” Willow placed a hand on Buffy’s arm. “She was in a car accident last week.”

“What?” she whispered hoarsely, feeling tears sting her eyes. “But...but...she’s okay right?”

“She...,” her eyes closed for a second before continuing. “It was a head on collision with a drunk driver. She didn’t make it. They said she died instantly from the impact.”

“No!” Buffy cried out, her tears now falling freely. “No...s-she can’t be dead!”

“I’m sorry, Buffy,” Willow pulled the sobbing Slayer into her arms.

“She c-can’t be d-dead,” Buffy mumbled against Willow’s chest. It didn’t matter that they hadn’t spoken in nearly seven years. She was still her mother, and even though they’d parted badly, Buffy still loved her.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

An hour later, the entire group was sitting around in Buffy, Willow and Oz’s living room in silence. No one knew what to say to the distraught Slayer. They were aware that Buffy and her Mother were not speaking and hadn’t seen each other since she left Sunnydale, but they knew it still had to be hard for her to hear about her death.

“Okay,” Willow announced, looking up from her laptop. “I made you reservations to fly to LA.”

“Good, thanks Willow,” answered Buffy softly, wiping at her eyes.

Willow sat back against the couch, “are you sure you don’t want us to come too?”

“I’m sure,” Buffy nodded. “You’ve got that Wiccan thing to go to with Tara this weekend, and I know she’s excited for you to go with her.”

“Okay, but I wish I could go with you,” Willow sighed, reaching for Oz’s hand.

“I know, but it’s okay. Plus Cordy and Doyle will be there with me,” Buffy yawned after she finished speaking.

“And we’re taking Ashlynn,” Cordy chipped in, reminding them that Buffy wanted to have her daughter with her.

“Why don’t you go get some sleep, Sunshine,” Lorne placed a comforting hand on her shoulder from where he stood behind the couch. “You’re flight leaves early tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Buffy agreed, standing up from the sofa. “I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

The Slayer walked numbly out of the room, leaving her friends to stare sadly at her back. Each wondered why it was that Buffy always had to deal with such tragic events in her life. It seemed as though fate was constantly testing her with new obstacles. They knew she’d make it through this, but they also knew it had to be difficult for her.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~on a plane somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean~

Angel paced restlessly around the small cabin of the plane. If he hadn’t been so preoccupied with thoughts of Buffy, he would have been petrified about being on an airplane, but he hadn’t given a second thought to the first time experience. Planes and vampires usually weren’t things that went together due to the sunlight issue, but he felt it was necessary in this instance. He needed to get to Sunnydale, and he needed to get there quickly.

It had taken many, many favors, and digging into finances he hadn’t touched in a very long time to get passage on the small plane. Thankfully, his deeds fighting demons had made him a few friends and he was able to find someone to fly him to the States, and then to the small airport in Sunnydale. The fact that it was a small private plane allowed him to make sure coming into contact with sunlight wasn’t a problem.

So now he was pacing back and forth across the floor, waiting anxiously for their arrival in New York. They would refuel the plane there, and unfortunately stay for a day while the pilot dealt with some other business. Then they would begin the trek to Sunnydale. For Angel, it seemed like a never-ending journey even though they’d only left Ireland a few hours earlier.

He couldn’t get his mind off of Buffy and what Spike had told him. Seven years. That would mean that he had only been gone a couple months when she... No! He wouldn’t accept that. He wouldn’t accept it because it wasn’t true. She wasn’t dead. She was alive. Spike was lying, just trying to get a rise out of him. There was no possible way that his Buffy could be dead.

Angel tiredly leaned his head against the wall of the plane, repeating over and over to himself that Buffy was in fact alive. He conjured up a mental vision of her smiling, walking in the sun with a loving husband on one side and a beautiful little girl on the other. The happy fantasy caused a different sort of anguish to ripple through his body.

He’d left her so that she could have a real life, one with sunlight, and family, and someone to love her, but the very thought of her having that with anyone but him shattered his already fractured heart. Even though they’d been apart for so long, he still loved her with every fiber of his being, and even if all he wanted was for her to be happy, it still hurt beyond words. If he had to choose between her having a life with someone else, and her being dead, it was an easy pick. He’d rather see her smiling in the arms of another, than as a cold, lifeless body, buried and forgotten in the ground.

His fist banged loudly against the solid metal of the plane. He wouldn’t accept that she was dead. In the back of his mind, though, he knew it was a real possibility. She was the Slayer after all, fighting night after night. There was always a risk, always the chance that she’d not survive her next battle. Buffy was strong, though. She’d beaten the odds more than once. For now, he would hold on to that knowledge.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~Sunnydale~

Inside the rental car, Buffy tiredly leaned her head against the window, wishing that this day would end and that she was back in her home in Seattle. Being in Sunnydale was taxing enough on its own, but being here because of her Mother’s death seemed to push the emotional and physical strain to another level. They’d only been in town for about twelve hours, but to Buffy it felt ten times longer.

After arriving in Los Angeles, Doyle had gotten them a rental car and driven the four of them to Sunnydale. Once there, Buffy hadn’t really known what to do. She hadn’t really thought about what she would do once she returned to her former home. Eventually, they’d decided to go to Joyce’s house for lack of anything else to do.

At the house, the group had encountered Buffy’s Aunt, Joyce’s sister, who was in town dealing with the aftermath of the accident. Her reception of Buffy and her friends had been cold to say the least. Obviously, she was well aware of all that had occurred between Buffy and Joyce. At least she hadn’t kicked them out.

The rest of the morning and afternoon they spent going through the house, sorting through what would be kept and what would be thrown away or given to charity. Joyce’s sister had already gone through much of the house, but they’d finished up the rest while Buffy was there. It was surreal to the blonde headed Slayer, being in her old house with her Mother not there, knowing she’d never be there again. The family pictures and mementos brought tears to her eyes.

Not for the first time, Buffy found herself wishing that she’d tried to work things out with her Mom. Maybe if she’d sent her a letter, or called, they could have repaired their relationship. Maybe...just maybe...but now it was too late. She’d never have the chance to mend what had been painfully broken years before. Her Mother would never again be part of her life, Ashlynn would never get to know her grandmother, and Joyce would never meet her granddaughter.

Buffy supposed that all those sayings about how you never realize something until it’s too late were true. Since hearing of her Mother’s death, she’d been filled with regrets. Not over what she’d done, and not over her refusal of her Mom’s demands, but because she’d never tried to contact Joyce after leaving. Seven long years and she’d let the rift between them remain. Maybe they wouldn’t have been able to work out their differences, but at least she would have tried. Now, she would never know. Now, it was too late.

Wiping a tear off her cheek, Buffy looked out the window at the cemetery they were approaching. Joyce’s funeral and memorial had been a few days earlier, but Buffy wanted to visit the grave site. If she’d known before hand, she would have come for the funeral, but she hadn’t know till yesterday so she would have to settle for visiting the grave.

“We’re here,” Doyle broke the complete silence inside the car.

The sound jolted Buffy out of her half-asleep daze and she raised her head off the window, taking a deep breath in the process. “Thanks.”

“Do you want us to come with you?” Cordy asked in a whisper, turning to face Buffy in the back seat.

“No. I...I-I want to go alone,” Buffy ran a hand through her hair and started to open the car door.

“What about Ash?” Doyle nodded his head to the little girl.

Buffy looked down at her sleeping daughter for a moment and shook her head. “Let her sleep, she’s had a long day.”

“Ok, we’ll be here if you need us,” Cordy squeezed her hand sympathetically.

Smiling faintly, Buffy climbed out of the car, smoothing down her skirt for no reason other than to give her hands something to do. Hesitantly, she walked toward where she was told the grave rested. Her hands trembled as she neared the place where the woman who had given birth to her would forever rest. Within seconds, the light granite headstone was right in front of her, making her face the harsh reality of death.

Step by small step, she approached large stone until she stood right in front of it. Her eyes closed as a wave of nausea swirled deep down in her stomach. Opening them again, Buffy knelt down in front of the grave. Tears falling, she placed the bouquet of white roses down onto the grass. With a shaky hand, she reached up to touch the cold stone that bore her Mother’s name.

“Hi Mom,” she whispered brokenly, her fingers tracing the lettering on the headstone.

“I wish I knew what to say,” she began, leaning back on her heals. “I’m sorry we never got to make things right. I-I never stopped loving you. Even though we haven’t talked for seven years, you were always my Mother. I can’t apologize for what happened because I don’t regret having my daughter, but I wish you could have been a part of our lives.”

“I had a little girl, Mom,” Buffy smiled at the thought of her daughter. “She’s beautiful, and smart. I never thought being a Mother could be like this. You would have loved her. I know you would have. I told her about you. I wanted her to know who you were. There’s a picture of you and me together in her room.”

“I know we had our problems, Mom, but I know you did the best you could. I wasn’t the easiest kid to deal with. And the Slayer stuff didn’t make things any better. I wish I could have ignored it and been the daughter you wanted, but I did what I had to do. I hope that you understand that,” she paused, taking a moment to calm herself. “I never hated you for all the bad stuff.”

She kissed her fingers and placed them over the scripted name. “I love you, Mommy.”

Rising from her spot, a wave of dizziness stuttered her steps. Buffy reached up and grasped at her head, willing the spinning to stop. After breathing in a few deep lungfuls of air, the sensation eased away. Taking one last look at the grave, she turned and began to walk away when an all too familiar voice stopped her dead in her tracks.

“I didn’t think you had the nerve to show up here.”

Buffy whirled around, immediately wishing she hadn’t as the dizziness returned.

“Xander?”

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Part 3
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Buffy felt frozen in her spot, like time had ceased moving as she stood there staring into the eyes of her one time friend. It had never crossed her mind that she’d run into him while in Sunnydale, and really she did NOT want to see him. Her anger over what had happened before she left was still strong, and it was obvious that his fury with her remained as well.

“Should I be touched you still know my name?” he bit out harshly, eyes showing nothing but distaste for the girl he once held on a pedestal.

“What do you want, Xander?” Buffy spoke tiredly, pressing a finger to her throbbing temple.

Xander shook his head condescendingly at the question. “I can’t believe you’d show your face here again. What? You think you can just waltz back into town?”

“What I do is none of your business!” she snarled at him, her anger replacing the overwhelming weariness. “My Mother is dead, Xander. I came here to say goodbye and that’s it.”

“A little late for that, isn’t it?” he raised a sneering eyebrow. “Seven years too late, I think.”

“Ya know what, Xander,” she marched up to him, her voice echoing loudly. “I don’t give a FUCK what you think of me, of what I’ve done, or not done, but don’t you dare bring my Mother into this!”

“Just pointing out the facts, Buff. You left here and never looked back. You never gave a damn about anyone but yourself,” he looked at her in disgust.

“Think whatever the Hell you want,” Buffy started, but was interrupted before she could continue.

“Buffy? Is everything all right,” Cordy’s voice sounded through the quiet night.

“Yeah, we heard yelling,” added Doyle as the two stepped into view.

“Cordelia?” Xander spat out in shock and took a step back.

“Mommy?” Ashlynn’s sleepy voice spoke softly as the little girl raised her head from Cordy’s shoulder.

“Hey, Sweetie! Did you have a good nap?” Buffy forced a smile onto her face, pulling her daughter into her arms.

“Yup!” Ash grinned at her Mommy. “Who’s that?” she pointed to Xander.

Buffy looked from Ashlynn to Xander and back. This was not a situation she wanted to expose her daughter to. “That’s...that’s just someone I used to know, baby.”

“Oh,” the little girl frowned slightly and laid her head on Buffy’s chest.

“What the Hell is going on?” Xander shouted and then eyed Cordelia. “Why are you here?”

“What’s it matter to you?” she retorted in annoyance. Xander Harris was definitely someone she would like to forget existed.

“I see the Bitch is back,” he snarked at her.

Doyle stepped forward, finding himself growing angry at the unknown man. “I better not hear ya speak ta my fiancée like that again.”

“Fiancée? You’re engaged to that loser?” Xander laughed out loud.

“Mommy? What’s going on?” Ashlynn spoke up, her eyes wildly looking around at the arguing adults.

“Nothing, baby. It’s okay,” Buffy soothed her frightened daughter and then looked back to her ex-friend. “Xander, just leave.”

The sound of a cell phone ringing stopped Xander from answering. Buffy reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the noisy device, glad to have a distraction from the current conversation.

“Hello?” she responded into the phone. “Oh, hey Wil...no, everything’s okay...yeah, we’ll be heading back to the airport soon....I just want to get back home...okay, we’ll call when our flight gets in...bye.”

As Xander listened to the conversation, his eyes darkened in rage. So that’s where Willow was? They hadn’t been talking, all because of Buffy he had to add, and then her and Oz had just up and left Sunnydale one day. And now he finds out that she’s been with Buffy the whole time! Willow had been his best friend since childhood and she’d just traded him in for some traitorous bitch.

“What did Willow want?” Cordy asked as Buffy was stuffing the phone back into her pocket.

“She just wanted to make sure we were okay, and to check if we were still flying back tonight,” Buffy relayed, looking directly at Cordy and Doyle, her hand stroking her daughter’s back.

“We better leave soon if we want ta make our flight,” Doyle looked at his watch.

“Okay. Xander...,” she started as she turned back to face the angry man only to find him no longer there.

Cordy looked around but found no trace of her ex-boyfriend and shrugged her shoulders. “Good, he’s gone. Can we leave now? I think this town is giving me hives.”

Glancing to where Xander had been standing, Buffy sighed. “Yeah, I don’t particularly want to be here anymore than you two.

“Come on, girls,” Doyle put his arms around his fiancée and friend. “Let’s hit the road.”

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~Sunnydale, the next night~

By the time the small plane landed at Sunnydale’s non-commercial airport, Angel felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin. The near day-long wait in New York felt like twenty days. When they finally took to the air to fly to Sunnydale, his nerves were completely shot. He both feared and anticipated what he would find when he returned to the place that had been the source of his greatest happiness and his most agonizing sorrow.

Now that he was here, he wasn’t quite sure how to proceed. A glance at his watch told him it was just after eleven p.m. He supposed he could try searching through the cemeteries. If she was here, if she wasn’t...dead...she would likely be patrolling. The numerous graveyards in Sunnydale made that a daunting task, though. He took a deep, unneeded breath and clenched his hands before deciding that his best bet would be to try going to her house. Maybe there he would get some answers.

Twenty minutes later, Angel was walking up the pathway leading to what he hoped was Buffy’s house. In the back of his mind he knew it was unlikely she would still live there anymore. His vision of her life always had her residing in a cozy, two-story house with a large back yard, and a swimming pool. It was possible, though, that Joyce still lived there. The prospect of encountering Buffy’s Mother made him shudder involuntarily, knowing that Joyce had always hated him.

Stepping onto the front porch, Angel frowned as he looked around. The entire place was dark, there were no cars in the driveway, and he couldn’t detect any heartbeats inside. He walked up to one of the windows and peered inside. His enhanced vision allowed him to see the interior of the house, but what he found was even more disheartening. All of the furniture was gone and he could see boxes scattered around the floor. Inhaling deeply, he scented the air. A myriad of smells wafted through his nose. Very faintly, he thought he could detect Buffy, but he wasn’t sure and it was not enough to ease any of his fears.

Angel again studied the inside of the house hoping to find anything to identify who had lived there recently. Near the window he could see an open box, a few items peeking out. He squinted his eyes slightly and shifted his position to get a better look. There, on the top of the pile in the box, was a picture frame holding a picture of Buffy and Joyce. The small find was enough to tell him that this was still Joyce’s house. Why then wasn’t he picking up a stronger trace of Buffy? If her Mom still lived here, wouldn’t she be over to visit often?

Maybe she moved to another town, he thought to himself. Sunnydale was still the Hellmouth, though, for all he knew. Would she be able to move away? And what about that other Slayer Spike had said he ran into? Angel didn’t want to examine the answers to those questions too deeply because they all pointed to one thing and he wasn’t yet ready to face that. Backing away from the window, Angel resolved to try another avenue. He was determined to find out what was going on.

A short while later Angel arrived at Giles’ apartment. There was a light shinning through one of the windows so he decided to knock on the door. If he felt it would make a difference, he would have prayed that Giles answered the door. To his dismay, it wasn’t the Watcher who appeared before him, but rather a young couple who looked at him warily.

“Can we help you?” the man asked, his arm protectively around his girlfriend.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” Angel apologized, keeping his hands in full view so they wouldn’t be afraid. “I won’t keep you long. I was just wanting to know if Rupert Giles still lived here.”

“Umm, no, this is my apartment,” the woman spoke up, smiling at the handsome man before her.

“Oh, uh, thanks. If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you lived here?” he questioned as his heart sank further.

“I’ve been here for about four years,” she told him.

Angel’s shoulders slumped. “Do you know who lived here before you?”

“An older woman. I think she’d lived here for about two or three years,” she added helpfully.

“Okay,” Angel fought the tears in his eyes. “Thank you. I apologize for interrupting your evening.”

“Good night,” he turned and walked away solemnly.

After that, Angel wandered around Sunnydale feeling as if his worst fears were coming true. He had been so sure she was alive, but now, everything was beginning to tell him otherwise. There was still hope. He still wanted to believe she was happily living her life somewhere, but it was growing harder to think that way. There had to be someone in this town who had answers for him.

As if by fate, Angel looked up and found himself standing near Willy’s bar. Perfect! Surely the annoying snitch would know about Buffy. Straightening out his long coat, he walked determinedly into the bar.

“Angel,” Willy’s voice squeaked out the moment the vampire stepped up to the bar.

“Hello, Willy,” Angel spoke menacingly, wanting to intimidate the little weasel.

“Uhh, what can I do for ya, buddy?” Willy inched a few steps away, not liking the look in Angel’s eyes.

“Information,” the ensouled vampire stated simply.

“S-sure. Information. W-what do you, uh, want to know,” the small bartender questioned nervously.

“Buffy. Where.Is.She,” he stated forcefully, leaving no room for debate.

“B-buffy?” Willy repeated, not quite surprised that the vampire was asking about his former girlfriend. “She’s gone.”

Angel reached over the bar and grabbed Willy’s shirt, pulling him half over the intrusive barrier between them. “What do you mean she’s gone?!?”

“I-I didn’t mean anything, Angel. Really!” Willy replied quickly. “She’s gone. Disappeared about s-seven years ago. N-no one’s seen her since.”

“Are you telling me the truth?” Angel’s face shifted to his demon form.

“Y-yes. I wouldn’t lie to ya, Angel! Promise!” Willy assured him. “No one k-knows what happened. S-she was just gone one day.”

The urge to throw the obnoxious man across the room overwhelmed him, but instead he just dropped him to the floor. Without saying another word, Angel quickly fled the bar.

Once outside, his body began to shake as heavy sobs rose in his throat. It was true. Everything that Spike had told him was true. Buffy was gone. His foot shot out and kicked a nearby trashcan across the alley. Needing more, he punched at the brick wall next to him, bloodying his knuckles. The pain never reached his brain. All he could think about was that Buffy was dead. He needed to know more. He needed to know what exactly had happened and then he would find and dismember whoever was responsible for her death. Turning, Angel took off in a sprint to the only other place he could think of that would provide answers.

A mere two minutes later, he arrived at the front door to The Bronze. He hoped that one of Buffy’s friends would be there. They would be able to tell him what he needed to know. Opening the door, he strolled into the noisy club, ignoring the pang in his heart over shared memories with Buffy at this very place. It took him only a moment to spot the brown-haired boy sitting at the bar with a vaguely familiar strawberry blonde.

“Xander,” he spoke after walking up to the boy, wishing he’d found Willow and not someone who had always hated him.

Xander’s head slowly raised when he heard his name. His eyes instantly narrowed at finding his worst enemy standing two feet away. “What the Hell are you doing here?”

“What happened to Buffy?” Angel cut right to the chase.

“That isn’t any of your business,” he foolishly stood up and faced the larger man.

“Listen, boy,” growled Angel as he took step closer. “You will tell me what happened.”

“She’s gone,” Xander backed up a step, wanting desperately to hit the vile creature. It was all his fault he’d lost his friends. “They are all gone.”

“Do you know what happened to Buffy?” Angel questioned in growing frustration.

Xander sized up the situation for a moment before answering. “No,” he lied convincingly, having no desire to help the thing that had cost him all that was important in his life.

“Fine,” Angel snarled angrily. He didn’t bother to say goodbye, just turned and walked out of the club. Just as he exited the door, he plowed over someone about to enter the club.

“I’m sorry,” he stated distractedly, reaching a hand down to help the person up.

“Why don’t you watch where you’re going!” the pissed off female brushed the dirt off her pants.

The voice shook Angel out of his internal thoughts, and he abruptly backed up a step. “Faith?!?”

“Yeah, who wants to kn-,” she started to say as she raised her head. “Angel?”

“You’re back slaying,” Angel blurted out for lack of anything else to say when he saw the stake in her hand. He didn’t trust the girl one bit.

“Uh, yeah,” Faith frowned, not understanding why that was a surprise. She was a Slayer, she was supposed to slay.

Angel looked at her oddly. Something seemed different about the young woman. Her entire posture was different, and her eyes didn’t have that hateful, angry look anymore. He was mildly curious, but it wasn’t important. His thoughts were needed elsewhere. He still needed to find out about Buffy. He suddenly eyed the girl expectantly.

“Do you know what happened to Buffy?” he spoke no pretenses about what he wanted to know.

“Buffy? Why?” she wanted to know.

“Because...because they told me she’s go-,” no, Angel told himself. He needed to face the truth. “They told me that she’s dead.”

“Dead?” Faith repeated in surprise. “No, Buffy’s not dead.”

“S-she’s,” he stuttered, hope surging throughout him. “She’s not dead? But they all told me...”

“Last I heard, she’d skipped town,” Faith shrugged. “That’s what Willow told me when her and Oz came back to get their stuff.”

“Where? Do you know where she is?” he asked hurriedly. He didn’t care about anything else. All that mattered was that he finally had hope.

Faith thought for a moment before answering. “I think Willow said Seattle. Not sure though.”

“Seattle?” Angel perplexedly asked. “Do you know why she left?”

“I think Seattle, but like I said, I’m not sure. And no, I don’t know why. Willow only told me she’d left,” Faith was growing more confused by the second.

She didn’t understand any of this. No one had ever bothered to tell her what had happened to Buffy. If she hadn’t of run into Willow years ago, she wouldn’t even have known the blonde Slayer had moved. She couldn’t help but feel like there was a lot going on that she didn’t know. But that didn’t particularly surprise her. Ever since she woke up from the coma everything had seemed so off, and her Watcher would never answer any of her questions. She had shrugged it all off though and focused on slaying.

“What’s going on Angel?” she questioned, not missing the look of relief on the vampire’s face.

“Nothing,” Angel answered curtly, his mind elsewhere. “I’ve got to go.”

Before Faith could press him more, Angel quickly walked away. The brunette’s behavior had been strange, but that was at the very back of his mind. All he could think about was that Buffy was alive. If he was to believe Faith, that is, but he hadn’t seen anything in her to make him think she was lying. Any lead was better than nothing, though.

The relief he felt at the news was mildly muted by the need to see it for himself. He had to know for a fact that she was alive and well. Seeing a payphone nearby, Angel jogged over to it and dialed the cell number of the pilot who had brought him to Sunnydale. He hoped he was still in town because Angel had at least one more trip to make.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Part 4
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~back in Seattle~

“No buts, Buffy,” Cordelia stated as she folded her arms across her chest.

“But-,” Buffy started to reply but was cut off.

“I’m pretty sure I said no buts,” the brunette repeated and then turned to look at Doyle. “Didn’t I?”

“That’s what I heard, Princess,” Doyle nodded in agreement.

“I have work to do, though!” yelled Buffy in frustration, not liking being ordered around.

“No, you have until Friday off,” Cordy smiled smugly. “Lorne’s orders.”

Buffy frowned and glared at her two friends. Pouting slightly, she leaned back against the couch before conceding defeat. “Fine.”

“Buffy,” Cordelia sighed and walked over to sit down next to the blonde. “We just want you to take it easy for a couple days. Things have been pretty stressful with your Mom’s death and then running into Xander. Take some time just to let everything settle.”

“I’m fine, really, I am,” she tried to reassure them, though she knew they were right. Her life was already busy with having an almost six-year-old daughter, a job, and slaying, and then add onto that the recent events and she was a bit worn out.

“We know you’re fine,” stated Cordy sympathetically and put her hand over Buffy’s. “But it can’t hurt to take a few days to relax. And hey, how often do you have your boss ordering you to take time off?”

Buffy had to chuckle at the statement. She supposed a few days off would be nice. “Okay, okay. I’ll do it. I won’t set foot inside the club until Friday.”

“Good!” Cordy grinned. “Oooh! Why don’t we kick off your vacation right and go shopping later?”

“Yeah, and I can watch the li’l one,” Doyle offered his assistance. “I can take her down ta the office. Ya know how much she loves ta sit in yer big chair.”

“I think she spends more time in that chair than I do,” Buffy mock frowned, but then couldn’t help but smile thinking of her little daughter happily seated in the huge leather chair that sat behind her desk.

“So, shopping?” Cordy reiterated anxiously.

“Sure. I have to get some stuff for Ashlynn’s birthday, plus something to wear for the party,” Buffy answered, mentally going through all the things she needed to get while out.

“Good. I have an appointment to get my nails done in half an hour, so how about we plan to leave in and hour and a half?” Cordy checked her watch to see what time it was.

“Sounds good. I’ll check with Willow to see if she wants to come with us,” Buffy added, knowing the redhead could probably use a day of shopping since she spent so much time working.

“Okay,” agreed Cordy. She and Willow weren’t exactly the best of friends, but they managed to get along fairly well these days. As she was about to get off the couch, she felt Buffy put a hand on her arm.

“Thanks for being there for me, and for being such a good friend,” Buffy spoke seriously, her eyes showing her genuine appreciation.

“Anytime,” Cordy smiled warmly as the two girls hugged briefly before Cordy stood up. “All right, I’ll see you in an hour and a half then.”

Buffy watched Cordy and Doyle leave, silently saying ‘thank you’ to whoever was responsible for bringing them into her life all those years ago. She honestly didn’t know how she would have made it to this day without their support. Would she have even made it out of Sunnydale without Cordy? Probably, but she was glad that she didn’t have to do it alone.

Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy saw Willow standing in the doorway leading to the hall that their bedrooms were off of. She turned her head to look at her friend and noticed the pensive look on the redhead’s face.

“Something wrong?” she asked worriedly.

“What? Oh...no, nothing’s wrong,” Willow shook herself out of her internal thoughts. When Buffy gave her a disbelieving look, she spoke again. “It’s just still weird, even after all these years.”

“What is?” Buffy asked in confusion.

“Cordy. Or you and Cordy I guess you could say.” Willow walked into the room and sat down on the couch next to Buffy. “It’s just still kinda hard to fathom that you guys are such good friends.”

Buffy frowned at the statement, which Willow immediately noticed and corrected herself. “I didn’t mean like that. I just remember how she used to be, and how she treated all of us, and it is odd seeing her the way she is now.”

“I know. It is kinda strange, but she’s been a really good friend,” Buffy answered honestly.

A flash of guilt flickered in Willow’s eyes as she remembered all that had occurred nearly seven years earlier. “Yeah, she has,” she agreed in a quiet voice.

The tone was not lost on Buffy. She knew exactly what her friend was thinking about. Even after all these years, the memories of her last days in Sunnydale were still vivid in her mind. She’d long since forgiven Willow for her inaction during the confrontation at Giles’, but even so, she would never forget it.

“Does it bother you? That Cordy and I are such good friends?” Buffy asked suddenly.

Willow’s eyes flickered to Buffy for a moment before she looked down at her hands. “It did a lot...at first. Seeing you so close to her when Oz and I first came was really hard. I remembered the way she was, and to see you two the way you were...it just made no sense. And I guess I was kinda jealous.”

“I can understand that, but you know you are important to me too, right? I’m glad that you found me, and that you and Oz stayed here,” Buffy told her friend.

“I’m glad we came too. I really missed you after you left,” she smiled back at Buffy. “And I’m glad that Cordy was there for you when I wasn’t.”

“Oh, Willow,” sniffled Buffy slightly, and then wrapped her arms around one of her best friends. They hugged for a long moment before they both burst into small chuckles at themselves over their impromptu bonding session.

“So, uh, did I hear something about shopping?” Willow questioned as she dabbed at the moisture in her eyes.

“Yup. Girls’ Day Out. You game?” Buffy grinned, thinking about how nice it would be to get out for an afternoon and not think about anything serious.

“Of course! Though are you sure shopping with Cordy is such a good idea?” Willow raised a teasing eyebrow.

“Probably not,” Buffy laughed and shook her head.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Several hours later, Buffy stood in line at a small Thai restaurant waiting to get some dinner. They’d decided to take a break from shopping so that they could eat. Actually, she and Willow had. Cordelia stated that she wasn’t hungry and was going to try on some more clothes at the boutique they’d just been in. After she and Willow ate, they would go back and drag Cordy out of the store.

Once she’d gotten her food, Buffy surveyed the seating area of the small food court for Willow. She found her friend still waiting in line at the pizza place so she walked toward the nearest empty table. Placing her tray down, she realized she’d forgotten napkins and a straw. Not wanting to carry everything back with her, she left the tray and her bags at the table and went to fetch the items she needed.

Having gotten napkins and a straw, Buffy turned to walk back to the table. She wasn’t quite paying attention and ended up walking smack into a person standing behind her. Her balance faltered momentarily and the napkins and straw slipped out of her hand, falling to the dirty ground.

“I’m so sorry!” she apologized quickly, and bent to pick up what she’d dropped.

When she stood back up to face the person she’d almost run over, there was no one there. She glanced to her right and left but found the tall gentleman nowhere. Shrugging, she threw the soiled napkins into the nearby trashcan and picked up some new ones. This time, she made sure to watch where she was going as she walked back to her table.

As she sat down and looked at her tray, a frown formed on her face. Her fork unexpectedly lay half nestled in the plate of food. Hadn’t it come in a plastic wrapper? She didn’t remember taking it out of the protective covering and putting it in her food. Or was it the Italian place that gave out forks in wrappers? She couldn’t remember, they’d only eaten here a few times before.

Shrugging, Buffy told herself that the Thai place must just give out plain plastic forks. After all, who would come and unwrap her fork and put it in her food. Her thoughts about the oddly placed fork quickly left her mind as Willow walked up to the table and sat down opposite her.

“Ugh! That line took forever!” the redhead groused unhappily.

“Told ya you should have gotten Thai with me,” Buffy grinned smugly.

“Whatever,” Willow waved her hand in a sarcastic gesture. “I can’t believe that Cordy is still trying on clothes!”

“Did you expect anything else?” Buffy chuckled and started to eat her food.

“Actually,” Willow pondered the thought for a moment. “No.”

The two continued eating their dinners, sharing random chatter about various topics as they ate. They were almost finished when Willow suddenly remembered there was something she was supposed to tell Buffy.

“Oh shit!” the redhead exclaimed, smacking herself lightly on the forehead. “I totally forgot that I was supposed to tell you something!”

“Tell me what?” Buffy gave Willow and odd look.

“Lindsey called yesterday morning,” she relayed with a pointed look toward Buffy.

“Shit!” This time it was Buffy who knocked herself on the side of the head.

“Uh huh,” Willow acknowledged Buffy’s screw up. “He’s not very happy with you.”

“Damnit!” the blonde cursed herself. “I meant to call him before we headed to Sunnydale, but everything was so screwy.”

“Understandable,” Willow gave her a sympathetic look. “He said you should have called and told him, though, and that he would have come home early and gone to Sunnydale with you.”

“I know he would have,” Buffy smiled gratefully, thinking about what a sweetie Lindsey was. “Is he still staying until next week?”

“No, he said he’d probably be home either tomorrow or the next day. I think his parents are driving him nuts,” relayed Willow while getting her trash ready to throw away.

“He knew that they would,” Buffy shook her head. “I don’t know why he planned a two week visit knowing how they usually are.”

“Men,” snorted Willow and rolled her eyes. “They never think things through. Well, except my Oz.”

Buffy laughed at the exemption of Oz and started gathering her stuff together. “Come on, let’s go get Cordy before she buys the whole store.”

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~the next night~

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to a movie, Darlin’?” Lindsey asked as he and Buffy walked back toward the club after having dinner out. He’d arrived back in Seattle earlier in the day.

“Yeah. I’m sorry,” she apologized and then released a heavy yawn. “I’m just really tired tonight for some reason.”

“Nothing to be sorry for. We can go see a movie over the weekend,” he grinned at her, showing that he was not at all upset. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, the two continued the remaining short walk to Buffy’s apartment.

Nearly two blocks away, Angel’s anxious footsteps stopped abruptly. His eyes closed as he felt a slight tingle trickle down his spine. It was a feeling he hadn’t felt in so long. One that told him that a Slayer was nearby. But not just any Slayer, His Slayer. The feeling was faint, but enough for him to recognize, though.

For long moments, Angel only stood and let himself luxuriate in the sensation. He wanted to jump for joy and weep all at once. She was alive. She was really alive. The hope that had sprung from his conversation with Faith now burned brightly inside of him. He had wanted to believe it before, but there was a small part of him that knew it was entirely possible that Faith was lying and trying to trick him. But now...now he had real hope. He could feel her presence, and he could finally truly believe that the nightmare that had started in a small bar in Ireland was just that; a nightmare.

He’d arrived in Seattle nearly two days ago and immediately set about tracking down any possible lead. It hadn’t been easy. He wasn’t familiar with the town and didn’t have any sources to draw upon. So he’d had to resort to walking the streets; eavesdropping on other demons’ conversations. The lucky break had come when he ran into one of Spike’s old minions who, thinking he was still Angelus, had warned him to stay away from the opposite side of town because a Slayer was working the streets there. He’d pumped the vampire for everything he knew and then promptly staked him as a thank you.

So now he found himself walking toward some club called ‘Black Destiny’ that, if he was to believe the minion, Buffy was working out of. He was anxious and afraid and everything in between. All he wanted to do was see her, catch one small glimpse to reassure him that she was alive and well. After that, he didn’t quite know what he would do.

Crossing a street, Angel glanced at his surroundings. On the opposite side of the road his eyes were immediately attracted to a large brick building with a neon sign above the door that read ‘Black Destiny’. He scented the air, picking up trace amounts of what he knew was her, but it was muddled with many others. This was the right place, though, he was sure of it.

Hesitantly, his eyes scanned the building and then to the right. As he shifted his gaze to the left, he could make out two figures walking toward the club across the street. Immediately, he knew it was her. It wasn’t the short, petite figure, or the medium length blonde hair that gave her away, but rather a feeling inside him. He released a cleansing sigh as a solitary tear trailed down his cheek over the definitive proof that she was really alive.

Angel tucked himself into the shadows and watched as the two figures drew closer. His unbeating heart lurched when he realized that the other person was a man. And not just any man, but one who had his arm leisurely draped around his Buffy. Shattered at the sight, he slumped back against the wall, closing his eyes against the horrible truth. He’d always told himself that he’d wanted it to happen, that he had wanted her to find someone to spend her life and be happy with. Now that it was staring him dead in the face, tearing his heart to shreds, he didn’t think there could be anything more painful.

He wanted to run, to get as far away as possible from the happy pair, but he was rooted in his spot. Slowly, he pried his eyes open and forced himself to watch the woman who would forever hold his heart. She looked as beautiful as ever, smiling and laughing in the arms of another. Obviously life had been good to her. That was what he’d wanted wasn’t it? It hurt like a million holy water drenched stakes being shoved into his body at once, though. Still, he couldn’t take his eyes off her, drinking in every nuance of the woman he hadn’t seen in seven years.

The two arrived at the entrance to the club, and what he was also told was where she lived, with Angel’s eyes still glued on them. Just as Buffy reached the door, he saw her abruptly stop and turn quickly around. Slinking further into the shadows he saw her eyes scan the surroundings searching for her discontent. He didn’t reveal himself, and moments later she shrugged and entered the building with the lecherous man following behind.

For the remainder of the night, Angel remained standing in the same exact spot. He didn’t know why he stayed, but he just couldn’t seem to make himself leave. Part of him dreaded walking away and no longer feeling her soothing presence washing over his body, and other parts of him wanted to wait for the man to leave so that he could do something he knew he shouldn’t. The man never left, though. He waited until nearly sunrise, but the only people he saw leave were drunken club-goers.

He didn’t want to face it, but he knew he had to. She’d moved on. She was happy. He hated it, but his feelings were inconsequential. All that mattered was that she was really alive and that she was doing well. At least that was what he told himself was all that mattered. Ignoring the ache in his heart, Angel finally turned and slowly walked away, again, from the woman he would always love.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~same night~

Lorne and Doyle stood stoically inside the office, both nursing stiff drinks. They waited until the club closed and all the others had gone off to bed before retreating to the club’s private sanctum. But now that they were there, each found themselves unable to voice the thoughts in their heads.

Doyle was the first to break the uneasy silence. “It’s starting isn’t it?”

“’Fraid so, my friend,” Lorne sighed and shook his head.

“Damn!” the half demon cursed loudly, slamming his glass down on the desk. “Have ya been able ta read anything else off her?”

“No, not even a smidge of detail out of the perky little head of hers,” Lorne frowned at his lack of information. “All I get off her is that things are about to get ugly with a capital ‘U’.”

“Damn!” Doyle cursed once again. “They’re not making this easy on us.”

“Do they ever?” the green demon grimaced. “The Bosses aren’t givin’ you anything either?”

“Nothing,” Doyle shook his head. “Whatever is going ta happen has them worried, though.”

“That’s not good. You sure we shouldn’t tell her?” Lorne’s eyes glanced upwards to where the object of their discussion was sleeping.

“Ya know we can’t interfere in things like this. The bosses would have my head. And it’s not like we really know anything,” Doyle sighed and slumped down on the office’s leather couch.

“I don’t like it,” Lorne again looked to the ceiling. “I just hope she’ll make it through.”

“Me too,” Doyle added worriedly.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Part 5
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~a few days later~

The bright morning sun slowly crept across Buffy’s bedroom until it reached her pillow. Her eyes flickered open, blinking furiously against the harsh light assaulting her vision. After a few moments of adjusting to the light, she sat up in her bed, yawning away the remnants of sleep. The movements made her wince as wave after wave of nausea wracked her body. She closed her eyes, trying to force the uncomfortable feeling away, but within seconds was making a mad dash to the bathroom.

Once inside, she fell to the floor in front of the toilet, retching up the contents of her stomach. Minutes later, with her heart racing and beads of sweat pouring down her face she slumped down to the cold tile floor. Her fingers trembled as they tried to soothe the spasms still attacking her insides. Gradually, the nausea and pain began to fade away, leaving Buffy weak and exhausted on the bathroom floor.

She laid there for another fifteen minutes, allowing her body to recover from the sudden sickness. Carefully, she pulled herself off the floor hoping that the nausea would not return. When it didn’t, she made her way to the sink and brushed her teeth, removing the foul taste from her mouth. After splashing some cool water on her face, Buffy quietly opened the bathroom door and peeked out into the hallway. She was glad to find no one nearby. If they knew she wasn’t feeling well, they’d pester her non-stop.

Walking into her room, she tiredly laid down on her bed and curled into a ball. Being sick was definitely not on her list of fun things to do. And today was not a good day to be sick. Ashlynn’s birthday party was tonight and she just couldn’t ruin it. Her daughter had been looking forward to it for weeks. Lorne was closing down the club for the night so that they could use the downstairs for a party for family and friends. She just couldn’t mess up Ash’s night.

Buffy let herself rest for a few more minutes before taking in a deep breath and resigning herself to getting up. At least whatever illness that had come over her this morning seemed to have, for the most part, passed. She still felt kind of gross, but the nausea was gone. Happy for that, Buffy went to her closet and pulled out some old clothes so that she could go down into the club and get it ready for the party. No matter what, she planned on making this a fun night for her daughter.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~that night~

Angel once again found himself standing on the sidewalk across from ‘Black Destiny’. He didn’t know why he was still in Seattle. His intention had been to come, make sure Buffy was okay, and then leave again. She didn’t need him here. He’d only mess up her life. But as he’d walked away a few nights ago there’d been a nagging feeling deep in his gut telling him not to leave, that it was important for him to stay. So against his better judgment, he was still in Seattle, standing only a short distance from Buffy.

He knew he was playing with fire by getting so close, but he couldn’t help himself. After seven years apart, he was starved for her. Just seeing her face and her smile touched him on a level he couldn’t even begin to describe. He craved the mere feel of her presence nearby. Maybe that was why he was now risking being found.

Creeping across the street, he moved closer to the building. He could tell that she was inside. The tingling in his spine told him that much. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know who she was with, though. His heart ached at the thought of seeing her in the arms of that man again. Wanting her to be happy with someone else was one thing, seeing it was an entirely different issue.

Despite that, he snuck up to one of the windows to the right of the staircase. Maybe just one more glimpse of her would sate his need and he’d be able to leave and let her live her life in peace. Or it could just make him want to stay. It was a toss up. Either way, he needed to see her again.

His height allowed him to peer unobtrusively through the window and into the club. He was surprised to see that it didn’t appear to be open. From what he could tell there were only about ten people inside gathered around a couple large tables in the center of the room. A large column was blocking his view, though, so he couldn’t get a clear picture.

Angel looked to his left and noticed there were a few windows on the other side of the stairs. As quietly as possible, he left his position and moved to one of the other vantage points. The new angle gave him a much clearer view of the inside of the club and also its occupants.

He was only somewhat surprised to see Willow and Oz present and sitting together. If he was remembering correctly, Faith had said something about Willow and Seattle. The only other person he recognized he was quite shocked to see. What on earth was Cordelia doing there? She and Buffy had never really been friends. Angel was slightly baffled by the brunette’s presence, but he supposed that things could have changed in the seven years he’d been gone.

None of the others were familiar to him. There was a short, rather sloppy looking man with dark hair sitting close to Cordelia. It appeared as though they were romantically involved. Another surprising detail since the guy didn’t look to be the former cheerleader’s type. Then next to those two was what was obviously a demon with green skin, red horns, and the most ugly suit he’d ever seen. Angel assumed the demon was a good guy since everyone seemed okay with his presence. There was also a shy looking woman with dirty blonde hair sitting near Willow and Oz.

Finally, there was Buffy standing at the head of the center table wearing an absolutely gorgeous deep blue dress. He involuntarily sucked in an unneeded breath at the sight of her. Gods, she looked amazing. Angel was dismayed, though, to see the man from the night before walk up to the table holding a cake in his hands. The mere presence of the strange male made Angel’s fists clench at his sides.

Soon, it became apparent to Angel that they were having a birthday party for someone. He watched as Buffy lit the candles on the cake and then walked out of his line of vision. When she returned a few moments later, his dead heart nearly fell out of his chest. In her arms rested a blonde haired little girl with her hands over her eyes. He knew in an instant that the child had to be Buffy’s. If it weren’t for the way she lovingly held the girl he would have known it from physical appearance.

Buffy had a child. The realization made him want to combust on the spot. She really had moved on. She had a...lover...and a child, and what looked like a great job and place to live. The perfect life. She’d found it all. And without him. It hurt more than he possibly thought it could. In the back of his mind he’d always hoped that someday they’d have a chance. That hope was gone now. She didn’t need him, not when she already had it all.

There was no need for him to stay and watch anymore, but he did anyway. Maybe it was his masochistic need to punish himself that made him remain, or maybe it was just his need to get his fill of her before he left. The reason didn’t really matter as he continued to stand there and watch the group’s activities through the window.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Inside the club, Buffy walked back toward the tables with Ashlynn in her arms. They wanted to surprise her with the cake so she’d told her young daughter to keep her hands over her eyes and not take them off until she told her too. The cake was custom made strawberry and vanilla swirl on the inside, vanilla icing, a picture of the Power Puff Girls on top, and ‘Happy 6th Birthday Ashlynn’ written in pink gel icing above the picture. Buffy knew Ash was going to love it.

The little girl squealed in delight once she was finally able to remove her hands from her eyes. She impatiently waited while the group of friends and family sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to her and then excitedly blew out the candles. As is tradition, she received the first piece of the cake and managed to eat it and get only a little bit on her clothes.

After cake came what was of course the best part of the night: presents. As usual, Buffy spoiled her only daughter by giving her numerous new outfits and toys. Willow and Oz got her the video game system that she’d been asking for months to have. To go with that, Cordy and Doyle had gotten her several children’s rated games. From Lorne, she received several teen-pop cds. Buffy had grudgingly allowed him to buy them, wary of the influence of scantily clad females on her little girl. Tara gave her quite a few books since she knew Ash loved to read even at her young age. So at least that balanced out the questionable music.

The last gift came from Lindsey. Knowing of Ashlynn’s love for drawing, painting and other such activities, he’d gotten her a large, and rather expensive, art set. The birthday girl grinned broadly at the wonderful present and ran to Lindsey, allowing him to swoop her up in his arms. She laughed at the act and gave him a hug and he kissed her cheek lovingly. After a minute, he set the girl down and watched as she raced off to play with all her new toys.

Her joy was contagious and the adults in the room found themselves smiling happily. They contented themselves at the tables with drinks and chatter while Buffy quietly slipped away to the far side of the room. She leaned heavily against the wall, feeling a sad pang in her heart as she watched her daughter giddily fiddle with the art set from Lindsey.

Moments like these brought memories long past to the forefront of her mind. She was well aware of the heritage of Ashlynn’s artistic abilities. The child certainly hadn’t gotten them from her. No, they were a genetic link to a man she’d never met; her father. She’d only ever bore witness to his abilities during his time as Angelus, but she knew of his love to draw just as she knew that talent had been passed on to their offspring. It was a painful reminder of what was lost and gone, never to be returned.

Seven years may have passed, but to Buffy, it was always there. He was always there. How could he not be when all she had to do was look into her daughter’s deep brown eyes and see him reflected within. It soothed and stung all at once, an ever-present reminder of her past and a man never forgotten, but gone nonetheless.

A sudden chill swept down Buffy’s spine as she reclined against the wall. She shivered at the sensation, her body growing tense. Unable to shake the feeling, nor the growing tension in her body, she swirled her eyes around the club searching for...something. She found nothing, though, except her friends jovially laughing a few feet away and her daughter engrossed with her gifts.

So lost in her thoughts, Buffy startled slightly when an arm wrapped around her shoulders. “You okay, darling?”

Buffy turned her head to find Lindsey gazing worriedly at her. Forcing a smile onto her face, she answered, “I’m fine. It’s just been a long day.”

“You sure?” he pushed, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

“Yeah,” Buffy nodded her head and relaxed against him though she couldn’t lose the earlier feeling that had rushed over her, one that felt oddly like she was being watched.

Cautiously, her eyes again scanned the club for the source of her discomfort, but there was still nothing. Maybe she was just still feeling the remnants of whatever sickness had overcome her this morning. Sighing, she forced away her worries and walked with Lindsey back to the tables where her friends sat. She was supposed to be having fun tonight, not stressing over something she wasn’t even sure was there.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Under the guise of retrieving more snacks, Lorne and Doyle had managed to slip away from the group and back into the club’s kitchen. They carefully checked to make sure the room was indeed empty, not wanting to have their upcoming conversation heard by anyone. Once positive they were alone, Doyle carefully closed the door and walked to the center of the room, leaning heavily against the stainless steel counter.

“Seems as though the Angel-cakes I’ve heard so much about has made his triumphant return,” Lorne stated with a bit more glee than he was actually feeling.

“So ya noticed that too?” Doyle sighed and ran a hand through is already disheveled hair.

“Kinda hard not to with that one’s aura just screaming away to anyone and everyone,” the green-skinned demon grimaced at the things he felt radiating off the unexpected visitor. Typically he had to hear a person sing to get a beat on them, but with the infamous vampire, well...his soul was like Rudolph’s nose in a pitch-black room.

“Well, that’s better than having the bosses mentally slap ya upside the head and point out our peeping-tom,” Doyle frowned unhappily. The move was a little surprising for The Powers, but he supposed they wanted to make sure he was aware of the vampire’s presence. Given that piece of information, Doyle was forced to believe that the souled one had a role to play in whatever was about to happen.

“You thinkin’ what I’m thinking?” Lorne questioned when he noticed that Doyle was lost in thought.

“That if the bosses want me ta know he’s here, he’s supposed ta be here?” the half demon voiced his thoughts.

“Pretty much,” Lorne shook his head in the affirmative.

“Yup, that’s what I was thinking,” he reiterated and ran a hand over his face.

“Think she knows he’s here?” pondered Lorne absently.

“No, but I think she feels something,” Doyle shrugged noncommittally.

Lorne’s eyes drifted to the door, past which his friend was enjoying a night with her friends and daughter. He couldn’t help but worry over whatever it was she was about to face. “We better get back. Don’t need them wondering what is taking us so long.”

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Still perched outside the window, Angel had watched each and every moment inside the club with morbid fascination. A little voice in his head told him that what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn’t force himself to leave. So he’d stood there and watched every heart rending detail of the life he was no longer part of.

He’d watched friends laugh and gather together; the cake and the singing; the exchange of gifts; and he’d watched Buffy, the girl, and man who had taken his place. It tore at every fiber of his being when the giggling blonde headed child had leapt into the man’s arms, and the resulting smile on his beloved’s face. And he’d watched as the man worriedly embraced his love just moments ago after he’d almost been found out.

Yes, he’d also noticed the sudden concern tense the ever-vigilant Slayer. But he had also noted the lack of recognition in her eyes. She no longer felt his specific presence. That small iota of information only further reinforced the knowledge that his place in her life was gone. He tried to keep telling himself over and over that that was what he had wanted for her, but it made no difference. Seeing her happy with someone else, and with a child was a veritable nightmare. But, he reminded himself, she was alive, not dead as he had believed when he first started this ‘mission’.

That realization alone was enough to temper even the fiercest of his varying emotions. He was a man, or rather demon, who could endure much. But Buffy being dead was something he knew deep inside he would not survive. If her being alive meant that she was with another, then he would accept it. He didn’t like it, but he would accept it. All other feelings could be pushed aside and he would take a small amount of comfort in the knowledge that she was alive and happy.

Still, the fact that she had not recognized his presence struck a sad chord in his soul. He knew she had felt something, her wondering eyes had told him that much. The roving gaze had forced him to tuck out of the line of vision so that she would not spot him. Luckily, he had not been caught. At least not by her.

It had not escaped him that the dark haired man with Cordelia had glanced almost directly at him. Angel had been about to run, afraid to be confronted, but the man had casually redirected his eyes back to the party and said nothing to the others to lead him to believe he’d been spotted. Maybe the unknown man had just heard something and looked in his direction. Either way, he was relieved nothing had come of it.

The remainder of the night held much the same for Angel. He never left his position, watching the group inside laugh, smile, and be happy. Even after the party ended, he stayed. Only the dirty blonde had left, accompanied by the dark haired man and the odd looking demon. The man returned a short while later and helped some of the others clean up. All the while, Angel still watched.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Sometime later, Buffy walked quietly out of the front door of the building, frowning to herself. She hated lying. Her friends thought she was going to run to the all-night market a few streets away for some ice cream. It wasn’t an unusual act, at least not to them. To Buffy, though, it was her typical story when she just needed to get out for a short while on her own. She loved her friends dearly, but they had a tendency to be a bit over-bearing.

The rule was that she never go out alone at night, or at least patrolling alone. It was safer that way. They made concessions when she wanted to ‘run out to get ice cream’ thinking that she would stay only on well-lit, busy streets. So that was the excuse she used tonight, needing even just a few short moments by herself. She was well aware that she was putting herself at risk, but she was the Slayer. It wasn’t like she couldn’t handle trouble. She wasn’t going to go looking for it either. All she wanted was a short walk to try and clear her head a little bit. Too many things were bothering her at the moment.

Striding down the concrete staircase, she turned right and headed down the street. In her mild distraction, she never noticed the shadow beneath the window that shifted ever so slightly. She walked slowly down the sidewalk, taking time to enjoy the fresh air, and the cool temperature. There were a fair number of people out and about so Buffy relaxed somewhat, knowing a vamp attack on a busy street was unlikely.

She was a few blocks away from her home when the feeling from earlier returned, but even stronger this time. There was someone watching her, she was positive of that. Years of being a Slayer clued her in to the sensation. Instinctively, she wanted to turn around and confront whoever, or whatever, was following her, but she knew that probably wasn’t the wisest decision. So instead, she carefully scanned her surroundings, looking for a way to outwit her stalker.

In front of her, a large group of people, drunk teenagers she thought, were goofing off in front of a twenty-four hour coffee shop. Seeing the opportunity, Buffy advanced directly into the group, allowing herself to be surrounded by the oblivious teens. She pushed to the other side as nonchalantly as possible until she was free and then quickly ducked left into an alley just past the coffee shop.

Using her Slayer speed, Buffy dashed down the alley, turned left, and then circled back around. The movements, she hoped, would bring her out behind whatever was shadowing her. As she neared the end of the second alley that would lead her out onto the street she’d originally been on she slowed her pace considerably. Reaching the exit point, she carefully peeked her head out, searching for anything suspicious.

At first, she saw nothing of relevance. Then, as she continued inspecting the area, she saw a dark figure hovering in the shadows along a building just before the group of teens she’d just walked through. Bingo! she spoke triumphantly to herself. Her feeling had been dead on. Someone was indeed tracking her. Except she’d lost him...it...whatever...and now had the upper hand.

Sneaking silently out of the alley, Buffy crept toward the unaware stalker who appeared to be searching for her everywhere but behind him. That, of course, made it all the more easier for her to sneak up on him. And from her vantage point now, it did appear to be a him. A tall, bulky him. She felt a little twinge in her gut at that, but ignored it, focusing entirely on the situation in front of her. Within seconds, she was only a few feet from the still unaware man. Raising a brow at that, Buffy halted her steps, and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Any particularly reason you are following me?” she spoke clearly into the night. The sound of her voice, she noticed caused the man’s body to tense immediately, but he made no movement otherwise and said nothing in response.

The relative lack of response irked her and she shifted her weight slightly before speaking again. “Do I get an answer or do I have to beat it out of y-.”

Anything else she had to say died on her lips as the mysterious man slowly turned in her direction. The face that met her eyes sent her mind reeling. Never in a million years would she have expected this. So great was the shock that the stake held poised in her hand fell clamoring to the ground without a second thought. All she could focus on was the oh-so-familiar face now staring back at her intently.

She told herself she was dreaming, that it wasn’t possible. There was no way that he was standing mere feet from her. It couldn’t be him. It just couldn’t. She knew otherwise, though. The eyes searching hers were the same dark brown ones she’d dreamt about for so long. The supple lips were the ones she remembered kissing more times than she could count. There was no denying who it was that was stalking her, but still she couldn’t quite face what was staring straight at her. She didn’t know if she wanted to face it.

Her feet took two steps backwards, needing space, needing air...needing anything but to be in the situation she was currently in. Frantically, her eyes darted around her, looking for what she didn’t know. This was too much. It was all too much. And then he spoke.

“Buffy,” came her whispered name in only that tone he could create.

The single word snapped something inside of her. Confused and dazed, she did the only thing she could think to do; turned and ran.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Part 6
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Angel could only watch as Buffy ran away from him as fast as she possibly could. He was torn between going after her and falling to the ground in tears. How could he have been so stupid to let her catch him? She’d snuck right up on him and he hadn’t even noticed until she’d spoken. He mentally cursed himself for not paying attention. This was not what he had wanted to have happen.

Buffy wasn’t supposed to see him; she wasn’t supposed to know he was here. Her life was perfect now. She didn’t need him coming along and lousing it up. And now that is just what he had done. The look on her face was enough to tell him that she didn’t want to see him. There hadn’t been an ounce of happiness in her eyes. Had he really expected there to be? Maybe before he’d come here he had, but now that he knew about the life she’d built he could understand her reaction.

There was no place for him anymore in her life. She had friends, a job, a life, and someone who could give her all things he could not. Whoever the man was, he filled the void that Angel couldn’t. He gave her love, happiness, security, and a child, all things she rightly deserved. Angel was glad she had them, really he was. But it still hurt.

His eyes closed for a moment and his shoulders slumped as he felt the loss deep within his soul. Yes, he’d already lost her many years earlier, but now it felt even more final. She was truly gone to him now. And judging by her actions just minutes ago, she did not even want to speak to him or see him. So he opened his eyes and stared in the direction of where Buffy had run, knowing in his heart what he needed to do.

He didn’t belong here. There was no reason to stay, not that he had planned on staying anyway. He also hadn’t planned on letting her see him, but it had happened. Now it was time to leave before he caused any more damage. Turning, Angel started to walk away. He only made it a few feet before a voice stopped him.

“Going somewhere?”

Angel quickly faced the direction of the voice and saw a man step out of the shadows. He instantly recognized him as the dark haired gentleman that had been at the party. Shocked by the unexpected event, he could say nothing in return.

“Looks ta me like ya were about ta high tail it outta town,” Doyle’s accented voice spoke again.

“Who are you?” Angel narrowed his eyes at the stranger.

“Ya didn’t answer my question,” Doyle shot back. “But ta answer yer question, I’m a...friend...of yer old buddy Whistler.”

“You know Whistler,” Angel took a step forward and scented the air, picking up on something he had missed before. “You’re a demon.”

“Half demon, thank you,” corrected Doyle in irritation.

“What do you want?” the vampire asked, growing wary of the half demon’s intentions.

“Fer ya ta answer my question,” Doyle repeated again. “Though, knowing what I know about ya I should already know.”

“What’s it matter to you?” Angel answered sadly, turning his head away from Doyle.

“It matters a lot ta me,” Doyle replied hotly to the back of the vampire’s head. “It matters because it involves people I care about.”

“She doesn’t need me,” Angel spoke in a near whisper.

“She doesn’t need you?” Doyle parroted in the form of a question. “And how would ya know that? A couple hours of stalking and ya have all the answers?”

“Leave me alone!” demanded Angel, growing angry with the stranger and still refusing to face him once again.

“Piece of advice, buddy,” started Doyle, hoping this would work out. “I wouldn’t be leaving so quick if I were you. There are things you don’t know, things that you need ta face. You’ll regret it if ya don’t.”

Angel heard the words, but didn’t immediately react. When he finally turned his eyes back toward the half demon to question him on his statement, the man was gone. He searched for him in the surrounding area, but didn’t find the cryptic messenger. Frowning, Angel just stood there trying to figure out what the demon meant and what exactly he was supposed to do now.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

“When’s Mommy coming back?” Ashlynn looked up and asked Cordy from her spot on the floor amongst all her gifts.

Cordy knelt down and smiled at the little girl. “She’ll be back real soon. She just went to get something.”

“Okay,” Ash nodded her head and went back to looking through the books she’d received from Tara.

Cordelia sighed and straightened herself up. For a few seconds, she watched Ashlynn play before walking toward where Willow was cleaning up one of the tables in the center of the club. She carefully glanced at the others to see what they were doing and found Lindsey taking down decorations on the other side of the room. Doyle, though, was no where to be found. She wondered where he’d run off to after walking Tara home. Seeing that no one was paying attention to her, though, she pulled Willow into a corner, needing to talk to the redhead.

“You noticed it, too, didn’t you?” the brunette whispered, hoping the guys wouldn’t notice their conversation.

“Unfortunately. Something was definitely bothering her,” Willow answered and leaned back against the wall.

“I know. She seemed worried about something and then she just ~had~ to go out and get ice cream,” Cordy continued Willow’s train of thought, keeping an eye on the others.

Willow frowned and thought back on Buffy’s slightly odd behavior. “It was like she kept looking around the room for something.”

“Or someone,” added Cordy with a shrug not really meaning anything in particular. The statement, though, lingered between the two girls.

For an unseemly long minute, both females allowed the implication of Cordy’s word to roll around their heads. There was something familiar about Buffy’s behavior. Both knew it but couldn’t quite yet place it. The realization seemed to hit both of them at the same time.

“No...,” Cordy started to say.

“You don’t think...,” Willow trailed off, not sure she wanted to actually complete what she was thinking.

“Shit,” spoke Cordy, her voice low and full of worry.

“We have to be wrong,” Willow shook her head, trying to tell herself they couldn’t possibly be right.

“Willow, we’ve both seen this before,” the brunette whispered harshly, knowing they were correct, but hating it all the same.

“But-“ Willow never got to finish her sentence because at that moment, the blonde in question came bursting through the front doors of the club.

The sounds of the doors slamming against the wall sent all eyes in the room looking toward the commotion. What they found caused instant worry in each of them. Buffy was standing just inside the door, half doubled over, panting with tears trailing down her face. The group quickly rushed toward her, noticing that she didn’t appear to be hurt but instead, was upset about something. Willow and Cordelia shared a look of recognition, realizing their earlier assumption was likely true.

“Buffy?” Willow spoke softly so as not to spook her friend.

At first, the blonde didn’t respond, but slowly she raised her head, casting her glazed eyes at Willow. She said nothing in return, only stared at the redhead looking lost and confused. At one point, Buffy’s mouth opened as if to speak, but no words came out. Her mind was too trapped in a jumble of thoughts to try and form a coherent sentence.

“Buffy?” This time it was Cordelia who spoke, placing a hand gently on Buffy’s shoulder.

The physical contact made the Slayer jump slightly. Her eyes nervously darted around the room for a few seconds. The walls felt like they were closing in on her. Everyone was staring at her, expecting something. She needed to get away, needed space, needed to get away from all these people who wanted something. So for the second time that night, she ran. In the blink of an eye, Buffy rushed passed the concerned group and darted up the stairs, not bothering to wait for the elevator to take her up to her apartment.

Willow and Cordelia looked at each other, growing more worried by the second. There was only one thing that could make Buffy act this way. They were both well aware of that. And neither really knew what to do. This was all so unexpected. Their state of shock was quickly halted when they saw Lindsey move to run after Buffy.

“Lindsey! No!” Cordelia shrieked without thinking.

“What?” the dark blonde haired man asked in confusion.

“Umm...don’t go. You, uh, need to stay here. We’ll go,” Cordy nodded to Willow. The last thing Buffy needed was to deal with Lindsey at the moment.

“Why shouldn’t I go? She’s my-,”

Cordelia quickly cut him off, knowing she needed to do anything to keep him away from Buffy for right now. “It’s a, uhh....”

“Girl thing!” Willow supplied for her.

“Yeah, right. Girl thing,” babbled Cordy nervously, grabbing Willow’s arm and pulling her toward the stairs.

“How do you know that?” Lindsey frowned at them.

“Because we’re, uh, girls?” Willow spoke more in the form of a question.

“Yes! We’re girls, and we...know these sorts of things!” Cordy supported Willow’s previous statement.

“Aunt Cordy? What’s wrong with Mommy? Why was she crying?” Ashlynn interjected suddenly making the group remember she was standing there watching all that occurred.

“Oh, umm...,” Cordy knelt down to look at the little girl. “She’s okay, sweetie. Sometimes, adults get upset over things and cry. Don’t worry, though. She’ll be fine. Aunt Willow and I will go make sure. Okay?”

Ashlynn looked toward where her Mom had run up the stairs and frowned. “Okay.”

“Lindsey, stay here and help Ash clean up her presents. Willow and I will go talk to Buffy.” Without waiting for his agreement, Cordy grabbed Willow’s arm again and pulled her as she quickly ran up the stairs.

“You do know that we just made him even more suspicious,” Willow mumbled as she was struggling to keep up with Cordelia.

“Yeah, well, did you want him to go up there and try to talk to her?” Cordy snapped back.

“No, but we don’t even know if we’re right!” the redhead glared.

Cordelia turned and gave Willow a ‘duh’ look. “Trust me, there’s only one thing that could make her act like this. Now shut up.”

The two girls quietly walked into Buffy’s apartment above the club, looking for any sign of their friend. They didn’t see her right away, but they could certainly hear her sobs emanating from what they thought was her bedroom. For what seemed like the millionth time that night, they shared a worried look before heading towards the sounds of crying. If they were right in what they thought happened, they knew things were about to get a whole lot more difficult.

Standing in the doorway to Buffy’s bedroom, they found the blonde Slayer sitting on her bed with knees to chest and Mr. Gordo clutched in her arms. The strength of her sobs was causing her entire body to shake uncontrollably. It appeared as though she had no idea that two of her friends had followed her and were now in her room.

“Buffy?” Cordy spoke up, wishing she could do something for the person who had become one of the best friends she ever had.

She received no response, which wasn’t entirely unexpected. Both Willow and Cordelia were torn on how to handle this situation. They knew it was likely that Buffy wanted to be left alone, but they also knew it was probably better if she talked about it. So they walked further into the room and sat on the bed, one on each side of their crying friend.

“Buffy, talk to us. Please?” Willow requested softly

“Whatever it is,” Cordelia started, acting as if they had no idea what was behind Buffy’s actions. “We’re here for you. We want to help.”

Still, there was no reaction from Buffy. The only sound in the room was that of her heavy sobs. Cordy and Willow began to wonder if she even realized they were there. Not knowing what else to do, Willow grabbed the soft fleece blanket from the end of the bed and draped it over Buffy’s shoulders. It was when Cordelia was about to speak again that Buffy finally broke her silence.

“I saw him.” Her voice was came out as a small, choked whisper.

“Who, Buffy? Who did you see?” Willow questioned although she already knew the answer, but needed confirmation.

Buffy said nothing for a moment, but finally, she raised her head off her knees. “A-angel.”

Cordy closed her eyes and cursed inside her head. She and Willow were right. After seven long years, Angel was back. In the back of her mind, she knew it was something that would happen someday. Well, at least years ago it was something she had considered. But as time passed, it had become less of a possibility. She didn’t know whether to be angry or grateful for his reappearance. On one hand, this was the man, err creature, who’d long been a part of her friends heart and deserved to know he had a daughter, but on the other hand this was something Buffy didn’t need. Everything was going so well and now he was back. Either way, she supposed, it didn’t matter because he was already here.

“Oh, Buffy,” Cordy stated sympathetically and pulled the crying girl into her arms.

“What happened?” asked Willow, ignoring the slight pang of jealousy over the closeness between Buffy and Cordelia.

Buffy pulled out of Cordy’s arm and swiped at the tears on her face with the edge of the blanket that was around her shoulders. After taking a few deep breaths she hoped would calm herself down, she told them about the feeling she had gotten at the party. She then explained about her walk and how she knew she was being followed. And finally, she described sneaking up on the man and finding that it was Angel.

“So you ran,” Cordy concluded after hearing the tale.

“Yeah,” Buffy looked down, feeling a modicum of shame for her cowardice.

“It’s understandable that you did, Buffy,” comforted Willow, sensing her friend’s displeasure. “I probably would have passed out if I were you.”

“I almost did,” Buffy let out a meek laugh that turned into a sob. “I can’t believe he’s here.”

“Did he say anything?” questioned Cordy, reaching for the box of tissues on Buffy’s nightstand.

“No, just my name, and then I ran.” Buffy accepted the tissues and tried to dry her eyes though it was a useless act because her tears were still falling.

Cordy looked to Willow for a moment before taking the plunge and asking the question she had on her mind. “Do you wish he hadn’t of come?”

“No...yes...I don’t know,” she pulled the blanket tighter around her. “I used to hope, so long ago, that he would come back to me, but now....it’s so hard. I just stopped thinking it would happen.”

“Do you still love him?” Willow figured she might as well get to the real heart of the matter.

“Always,” Buffy answered swiftly, leaving no doubt to her feelings. “I never stopped.”

“Are you going to talk to him?” This time the question came from Cordelia.

Buffy’s eyes closed and her shoulders sagged under the weight of her stress as she pondered the question. “I don’t know.”

“Why?” Cordy prodded.

“Because I’m angry with him,” she finally revealed, releasing a tense sigh. “I know I shouldn’t be. I know his reasons for leaving made sense, but it still hurts. He didn’t talk to me about it. He just decided it all on his own.”

Buffy crawled out of the bed and walked to the window, her hand reaching up to touch the cool glass. “He just walked away and never looked back. If he loved me so much how could he do that?”

“Buffy, you know he loved you,” Willow tried to reassure her.

“I know,” Buffy conceded. She knew he really did love her. It was just hard to believe it sometimes considering what he had done. “It’s just hard. And he doesn’t even know...Oh God! Ashlynn!”

Reality suddenly smacked Buffy in the face. In the shock and confusion over Angel’s reappearance, the full implication hadn’t quite hit her. Angel was Ashlynn’s father. Ashlynn was Angel’s daughter. Buffy’s forehead thumped loudly against the window pane as it became clear to her that this situation wasn’t just about her. She had her daughter to consider. And, despite her anger with him, she had to consider Angel.

“Are you going to tell him?” one of her friends asked, though Buffy was so lost in thought she didn’t know which.

“He deserves to know,” she whispered more to herself than to Willow and Cordelia.

She’d always told herself that no matter what, Angel deserved to know he had a child, and Ashlynn deserved to know her father. Could she get past her own feelings and do what she knew was right? Buffy wanted to say yes, but there was still that part of her that resented his actions.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~several days later~

Buffy sat in the rocking chair in her daughter’s room alternately watching Ashlynn sleep and staring out the window at the night sky. She was still torn on what to do about Angel. Even now, three days later, she had yet to make any decisions. Her mind was constantly distracted by Angel’s reappearance. Everyone was worried about her, not knowing what was going on since she had sworn Willow and Cordelia to secrecy. They’d been told it was just hormones from ‘that time of the month’ and because her daughter was growing up. She knew they weren’t buying it, but so far no one had pushed the issue.

Angel was still there. She could feel him lurking outside in the shadows. Now that she was aware of his presence the tingle down her spine was stronger and she knew he was near. If she was guessing correctly, he was outside right now, standing across the street in an alley. Part of her wanted to run out there and leap into his arms, and the other half of her wanted to completely ignore he was there. And a small corner of her mind wished she could go back to a week ago before all this happened.

She knew she should talk to him. She knew she had to tell him about Ashlynn. She knew lots of things, but she still couldn’t make herself confront the past. Hundreds of questions echoed in her mind. Why was he there? How did he find her? Did he still love her? Was he staying?

Of course, she knew that if she wanted answers to those questions she had to talk to him. Knowing what she should do, and actually doing it, though, was a bit harder. She wasn’t quite sure she even wanted to know the answers. Could she handle it if he was just dropping by and had no intention of staying? As far as she knew, nothing had changed. Then again, she couldn’t be sure. She had no idea why he was there. And she wouldn’t know until she talked to him. Maybe she just needed a few more days to let this all sink in.

Glancing back at her daughter, Buffy was again struck by pangs of guilt. She knew she needed to deal with this because of her daughter. How would Ashlynn react to hearing her Father was there? Would she accept him? Would Angel want to even meet her? So many questions, and so many answers she didn’t have.

Deciding to go to sleep instead of trying to come up with a solution, Buffy pushed herself out of the rocking chair. Her body swayed as a wave of nausea rolled through her stomach. Damn, she wished she’d kick this flu-bug already. Spending time getting to know the toilet wasn’t making any of this any easier. She was just glad her friends hadn’t noticed yet that she was sick. They’d only pester her more if they knew.

Go to Part 7