DISCLAIMER~ Don't own them, don't sue, blah blah blah!!
Rating: If you can watch the show , you can real this!]
SUMMARY~ This is a short piece as a beginning to my new series, I need feedback on story ideas, I want to write something people will want to read, so I thought I'd give you, the reader a little input.
Spoilers: (Up to THE BODY)
I decided to call this the Lost Inside My Tears series, but the rest of the stories will have the continuation of the lyrics of the song, form the Story of Us, it's Eric Claptons "I get Lost"

"I get lost inside my tears,
and there is nothing I can do
Because I get lost inside my fears,
that I am nothing without you."

After the funeral we all went back to Giles' house. I just couldn't go home yet, and I think everyone just sort of wandered here. Like a force that we can't really control. We just drifted.

But I couldn't go home.

Home meant facing the reality of an empty house with nothing left but memories. I know I'll eventually have to face it, but the thought of her room just empty, without her smile, without her face, I just cannot imagine it, yet...

I'm sure I'll eventually get there, I'll eventually go through all her possessions, maybe give away some of her clothes. At least then she won't have died in vain. Maybe someone can get something out of this tragedy. But just the thought of someone else in my mother's clothes cause my knees to go weak. Like she was just someone on this earth to collect possessions only to leave them behind for other people's use.

It's like a viscous cycle. You're born, you live, you collect, you die, you lose everything. Her clothes are no longer her clothes. They're just a shirt, just a skirt, just an old pair of shoes. They're just clothes.

I feel the tears start up again, I fight them off the best I can, but they soon overwhelm me, and I see the blacktop approaching my face at an alarming speed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She's cried so much she can't even stand anymore.

The gang is all here, even Cordy and Wesley. They all see her falling, spiraling out of control. I realize that she needs to get out of here. Yes, they're her friends, her family I suppose now, but it's all a bit too much. These people hold too many memories for her. So I scoop her up in my arms and she wraps her legs around my waist and settles her head into "her" spot on my shoulder.

Dawn looks ready to break down, but she's got her fake perma-smile plastered on her face. There's an emptiness behind it that is almost scary. She looks older than she ever has.

I remember when Buffy lost that innocence. The idea that all would eventually be right in the world. And that when you close your eyes at night, the monsters go away.

She knows now, she knows all too well... She knows the secrets that parents fight to keep from their children as long as they can. People aren't all good, and life isn't fair, and people die, every day, and there's nothing anyone can do to bring them back.

I grab her hand and give it a small squeeze, which is pretty hard to do with Buffy in my arms. But Dawn smiles up at me, gives me the first honest look I've seen her give all day, and kisses my cheek. She whispers for me to take good care of her sister, because she doesn't want to lose her too. I'd promise her the world right now if it took that melancholy look out of her eyes, but instead, I give her a half smile and tell her Willow will look out for her.

She knows, I can see it in her eyes as she grasps Willows hand, and looking like a small child being taken off to bed, she follows Willow into the house.

I turn and walk to the curb. I place Buffy in the car that I parked here earlier, thinking I could see her at Giles' before the funeral. We both get in on the drivers side and I place her gently next to me. She immediately curls up into the fetal position and lays her head down slowly into my lap.

We arrive at the mansion and I once again take her into my arms and bring her into the bedroom. I lay her down carefully into the bed, remove her shoes, and pull the covers up to her chin. Her eyelids flutter open for only a moment, and she reaches out her arms, beckoning for me to join her. I remove my socks, shoes, and my shirt, wet from her tears, and silently climb in next to her. I am hesitant to reach out to her, not knowing if she seeks my embrace, but she settles things in a few moments as she crawls into my arms, her body flush up against mine, our legs intertwined. I kiss her forehead gently and inhale her scent. I hear her sigh with part contentment, part exhaustion, and I watch her as she finally drifts off to sleep.

I wish there is something I can do to make her pain go away, but I know my presence is the only thing I can offer her, that's really all anyone can do.

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