Disclaimer: Oh please - if I owned them, I would not write this! There would be no need to do so because Buffy and Angel would be happy together fighting evil - I will never get why they should be stronger apart...
Distribution: take it if you like it, but please tell me where it goes.
Rating: see the show? You can read this!
Spoilers: The whole BtVS and Angel-TV, the previous stories of these series and "Lover's Walk" in particular, althought there are (of course) some changes, as Buffy and Angel are not in Sunnydale.
Summary: Willow writes her diary and talks to Linette; Angel sends Doyle to check on the situation in Sunnydale. This takes place four weeks after "Dreaming again".

"You want me to go to Sunnydale," Doyle looked at his boss with big eyes. "I am not good at spying just so you know. I am just a messenger and even this not by my free will." He and Angel were sitting in the vampire's and the slayer's office.

"I just want you to check out the situation. You know, how they are holding up without a slayer and stuff."

"What about the slayer?"

Angel sighed: "She isn't comfortable contacting home. And I won't press her. I would go but ..."

Doyle held up a hand: "I understand. They would not go on the joyride in seeing you. Fine I'll go. But what if I have a vision?"

The vampire reached into his desk and produced a new cell phone: "Take this. If anything occurs, give me a call."

The half-demon nodded and stood up: "So I am gone then."

"One thing, don't tell Buffy. We can tell her when you come back - if necessary."

"Right," he grinned. "Maybe there are some pretty girls on the hellmouth."

**********

Dear Diary,

oh god, I feel so bad. I never thought I could feel this way - about myself. What have I done, what have we done. We destroyed the trust of our friends. We lost our loves. I never forget that look on their faces finding us together on the bed - kissing. I never thought Cordelia loved Xander until last week. I could tell she felt betrayed, but it cut deeper, she was hurt and we caused it. I will never be able to look her in the eyes. Xander tried to see her at the hospital. First they wouldn't let him, then she refused to see him. I don't know how he deals with the situation, but I can say he feels pretty bad too.

Oz didn't talk to me since then. And I miss him so, I love him so much. I love Xander too, but it is different. I know him since we were kids and the feelings we had for a very short time had nothing to do with real love, they were ... I do not even know what they really were. All I know it is over now. As if I am sober all of a sudden.

I miss Buffy, I wish I could talk to her, tell her how I feel. Instead of this I am writing to my diary. Great, just great. I got to go. I have to talk to someone, I have to make a phone call.

*******

Doyle arrived Sunnydale in the afternoon. Angel had given him specific descriptions of the places he should go to and check on, so the first thing he did was driving to Sunndale highschool. It was bright and sunny and the students were just coming out of the school. Climbing out of the car his sunglasses fell to the ground and when he came to stand again after picking them up he collided with something solid. Looking up he came face to face with the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. She looked rather annoyed:

"Can't you look before you bang into someone?" she shrieked holding a hand to her left side.

"I am sorry," he apologized, but continued to stare at her.

"What are you looking at?" she asked. "Is something wrong with my make-up?"

"N-N-No," he began to stutter, then he cleared his throat. He was acting like an idiot, he said to himself. But by god this girl was a hottie! He tried Angel's half smile which he had seen impressed women a lot, and failed miserably.: "On the contrary, I think everything is just perfect."

She raised her eyebrows and her eyes were wandering up and down his figure. Doyle began to feel really uncomfortable when her eyes finally rested on his face: "Nice compliment," she replied. "It would be worth a lot more if you'd actually knew how to dress and if I would know your name." The words were snippy but her eyes were smiling, although the half-demon recognized a deep hurt in them, somewhere behind the happy facade. An expression people have after a painful loss.

Doyle bowed his head a little: "Doyle, my name is Doyle."

"Just Doyle? Are you famous or something? You are no vampire, I hope?"

"What?," he was stunned. This pretty girl certainly was more then you would have guessed. "I mean, why would I be a vampire? Besides the fact that it is still sunny - daylight and vampires do not really match. And yes, it is just Doyle and I am not famous."

She made a sound of disappointment and rolled her eyes. God, they are beautiful. Heavens, what is the matter with you, he asked himself. You are acting like a teenager.

"That's a pity," she said. "It was nice to see you." She turned and was about to go, when his words stopped her again:

"What's your name? If I may ask?"

"Cordelia Chase," she turned back to him. "Are you looking for someone?"

Doyle thought for a moment and then nodded: "Yes, actually I do. A girl. Her name is Buffy Summers."

"Buffy," she seemed surprised and at the same time a little bit sad. "What do you want from her?"

"Is she around?" He replied by asking a question on his own.

She sighed: "No. She is not. I do not hope you were a friend or something?"

His head snapped up: "Were, what do you mean by that?"

"She died. Look, Mr. Giles, our librarian could explain that much better. And I am really in a hurry. It was nice to meet you." With this she was gone, leaving Doyle standing with a racing heart.

*******

Willow was sitting in the library searching the net for Giles. The watcher had left an hour ago to train with Faith. He had the feeling she needed a little bit more attention at the moment. The little witch was deep in thoughts. Oz still didn't talk to her, she asked herself if he ever again would. Xander on the other side had started his usual Cordelia-bashing again, but she knew he was only hiding his feelings underneath. Willow would never understand completely but her childhood friend really seemed to care for Queen C and as much as she hated it, the brunette had changed a lot over the last months. She could clearly remember how excited she had been to see Xander again after the summer break.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Linette coming into the library and smiling at her: "Hi Willow."

"Linette," the red-head greeted back. "How was your training?"

The young slayer shrugged: "Fine, I guess. But Faith is driving me crazy. Cordelia is right, she is weird."

Willow only nodded. Linette looked at her: "Can I ask you something? I really do not want to invade your privacy or so, and you can say no, but..."

The witch raised her hand and smiled: "Just ask, okay."

The young girl took a deep breath: "Buffy," she began.

"Buffy?," Willow asked. "What about her?" She felt the familiar pain spreading in her body. How she missed her friend.

"How was she?"

The witch sighed: "She was my best friend. She was the one that made me come out of my hiding. When she first showed up I didn't talk to anybody, except Xander of course, but he doesn't count, because we know each other since ever." A smile crept across her lips when she continued: "Buffy was funny and bright, much smarter then she thought. And she had the gift to bring up the best in all of us. Giles felt like a father for her." Suddenly her face clouded. "It's darker around here, without her."

"Wow," Linette said. "You really liked her a lot. May I ask something else?" When Willow nodded, she continued: "What is the story about Angel? I mean I know about Angelus, as nobody wanted to talk about him I read in the watcher diaries," she explained giving the witch an apologetic look.

"Angel," Willow took a deep breath. "It's a long and difficult story. They fell in love with each other. First I thought she had just a crush, you know. He was very good looking, the sort of guy all the girls fall for. She didn't know he was a vampire at the beginning and he tried to stay away from her, but I think the mutual attraction was just too strong. Or I thought that was all the reason. Today we know that there was much more, they must have shared a very deep love."

"Why do you think so?," Linette wanted to know.

"Because he lost his soul when they were ... together. Too late we found out that a moment of true happiness would break his curse."

The young slayer's eyes were wide: "Oh," was her only comment.

"Yeah," Willow replied. "As a result he turned ... evil. It was horrible and we were so afraid." Suddenly tears welled in her eyes and she swallowed hard: "But for Buffy ... it was like living hell. Even in his evil form Angel was obsessed with her. I think ... he killed our computer teacher, she was Giles'..." her voice broke and a single tear run down her cheek.

"I am sorry," Linette interrupted. "You do not have to tell. I didn't intend to bring up sad memories."

But Willow held her hand up: "No. It's okay. Actually it is good to talk about." She tried to smile reassuringly: "However, I think with all the things that happened we forgot about Buffy. I mean, what it meant to her, really meant. We were all pressing her to kill Angel, to stop this. He was her first love, maybe her true love and he turned into a monster. But monster or not, he still wore her lover's face. As desperate as she was I think deep inside of her she was still hoping she could get her Angel back. We tried, but we will never know if the spell worked or not. In the end everything got out of hand. She was accused for murder, her mother threw her out of the house and nobody knows what happened when she was fighting Angel. We just know she did, but Xander brought Giles to the hospital and when he got back the place was empty. No Angel, no Buffy." The tears were falling again: "That is the last I heard about her, I miss her so much. We don't even know what happened to her. I mean we know she is dead, but ..."

Linette nodded: "I understand. And I am really sorry, I never met her. I think I might have liked her."

Willow smiled through her tears: "She would have liked you too." She frowned and coughed slightly: "Now enough of this, what is it about Faith? Did she do anything special?"

******

Doyle returned to LA the same night and practically stormed into the office. Lily was obviously gone but he could see the light in Angel's office and went in without knocking.

"Angel," he said, breathless.

The vampire looked at him expectantly: "What is it?"

The half-demon fell into a chair and tried to catch his breath. "Oh man," he said, rubbing his forehead: "This is a story you don't want to hear."

"Just tell me," Angel said impatiently.

"They think she's dead."

"WHAT?"

Doyle nodded and told him about his meeting with Cordelia and the things he found out afterwards: "I went to the cemetery. That's a story of it's own. Why didn't you tell me they have so many cemeteries in Sunnydale? However, I found ... a memorial plate with her name. The plate says she died three months ago."

"They think she is dead," Angel said, still having difficulties to process the news. "Oh god. What about me?"

"I didn't find out a lot. I overheard two girls talking in the library though. A red-head and a younger girl with ash-blond hair, I think she is the slayer called after Buffy. The red head said they didn't know what happened to you and her and they didn't know anything about you at all."

"Willow," Angel whispered, still in shock.

"What?"

"That's the red-head's name. Willow."

"They named her after a tree," Doyle asked in disbelief. "Some parents." He shook his head. "Oh and there is something else. There are two slayers now.

"I have to talk to Buffy," Angel said almost talking to himself.

"Speaking of the slayer, where is she?"

"She and Lily went for dinner. She'll be back any minute."

"You got that right," came a voice. Buffy stood there, casually leaning at the door frame and smiling. "By the way, where have you been all day? Angel wouldn't tell me." She walked over to the desk and placed herself in her boyfriend's lap.

"I... I," Doyle began, his eyes searching Angel's for help.

The vampire nodded: "It's okay. I am going to tell her."

The half-demon sighed in relief: "Fine. See you both tomorrow. Be good kids, don't do anything your mother wouldn't like," he grinned at Buffy's expression and left.

"He is impossible," Buffy exclaimed, but became serious when she looked at her lover. "What?," she asked.

"Buffy," he began. "Doyle was ... I sent him to Sunnydale."

"WHAT?," she shouted, jumped from his lap and began to pace the office.

"Buffy, please listen..."

"How dare you sending him to Sunnydale without telling me?" She stopped, faced him and placed her hands at her hips.

"I only wanted him to check how they are holding up without a slayer."

She raised her eyebrows: "And?"

"Buffy, I think you should sit down."

"No, I feel fine," she assured him, her voice still a bit angry.

He took a deep breath, there was no way in breaking the news gently, so he just said: "Buffy, they think you are dead."

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