Disclaimer: I think it's pretty obvious. Would I write fanfic if I owned them?? So please don't sue
Distribution: Land of Denial, Sunlight & Shaddow, everybody who has any of my fics, others just ask
Summary: a doctors appointment and good friends; again Buffy's POV
Spoilers: the whole BtVS and Angel-cannon to be sure; the previous stories in the series. If you need any of them just e-mail me!
Timeline: two days after the meeting with Riley
Feedback: is begged for!
Dedication: to Kathy and Helen again; you're great guys!!

"You're 100% pregnant, Mrs. Donnelly," Dr. Bradshaw tells me smiling.

I'm pregnant.

I already knew it, but now it's certain. Deep inside I still had the hope that this was only a mistake. That the home pregnancy test has been wrong.

"Are you not happy?" Dr. Bradshaw asks looking concerned.

"Sorry, no. I mean," I sigh. "I was just thinking. I already knew I was pregnant. I did a home pregnancy test, but I wanted to be certain."

"I see," she nods. "That was good. These commercial tests are only 95% certain. But there is no doubt now."

"Yeah, I know. Even if I hadn't taken the test I knew it by now. When I took the test my period was only a week late, but it hasn't occurred since then, so," I sigh again.

"Is there a problem?," she asks sensing that something's wrong.

"My husband isn't the father," I admit.

"Oh, and he doesn't know?"

"No, no, he knows," I assure her quickly. "He married me although he knew I was pregnant. In fact he's okay with it, well not okay *okay*, but he can deal. He does it even better than me."

She smiles: "Mrs. Donnelly, am I right that you don't love the father of that baby?" When she sees me nod, she continues: "Well, maybe it helps you to know that you aren't the only one in that situation. And believe me when I tell you, when the baby starts to move and kicks you, you will forget about the father very soon."

"I hope," I reply but cannot quite believe her.

"Now, that we know for certain that you're pregnant we should make a date for an ultrasound. To see if everything is alright with the baby." She looks at her time-planner. "How about next week, let's say Thursday."

"That's fine with me. Is there anything I should do or not do, I mean..."

She smiles again: "I know what you mean." She reaches behind her and then hands me several brochures. "You should read that and your husband too. And if you have any more questions don't hesitate to contact me again."

I nod and get up: "Thanks, Dr. Bradshaw."

"No problem. It's my job. See you next week Mrs. Donnelly."

*******

I drive home in a strange mood. I've accepted that I'm pregnant, but I still can't accept that he's the father. I don't even want to say or think his name. I was so angry with him that he thought Angel would influence me to keep the baby away from him.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid Buffy. How could I get pregnant with his child. I was on the pill and still got pregnant. Yeah, I know it isn't 100% safe. God this number haunts me. Everything seems to be not 100% at the moment.

Why did I sleep with him at all? Well I did what people do in my age bracket, they have sex with other people. But only very few get pregnant in our days. So why me? Was it the cruel fate to remember me that nothing can truly be perfect or was it a higher power to punish me for being so stupid. For lying to myself.

Why didn't I just wait for Angel to come back? I knew how much he loved me, he loved me enough to leave me for my sake and instead of realising that I jumped on the next college guy. Parker. And I got my bill for that too. You always have to pay for your mistakes. Maybe I more than others for making the same mistake twice. The mistake called Riley. No, I'm not being fair. He's a nice guy, he's reliable and caring and I know he loves me and under different circumstances it might have worked. If I never met Angel. If I never felt perfection. I couldn't settle with anything less then. I tried to pretend everything was fine, I tried so hard that in the end I believed it myself.

Angel told me about the Shansu-prophecy in Rome. I was mad with him for about an hour. But then I understood. He was shielding me. He didn't want me to waste my life waiting for him, because he didn't know when this was going to happen. After my initial anger I loved him even more for it. Because it showed me how much he loved me. Although there was a chance for him to become human, to be with me, he didn't want to set my hopes high only to be hurt in the end.

Suddenly I see Riley again, sitting opposite to us at the table in the restaurant and I realise how foolish I was to replace Angel with him. It could only fail.

I stop the car in front of our house and take a deep breath. All I want now is lay down and forget all about Riley and the problems around all this. I sigh, knowing that this won't work. Nothing will get my mind off that. I even dream about it. Last night Angel woke me because I was crying out in my sleep.

Turning the key I push the door open and my eyes almost pop out of my head. What happened? All my friends are there, grinning and shouting: "Welcome back." Even Mom is there and she smiles as well.

"Guys," I say not finding the right words. Our house is decorated with flowers and balloons, there is a huge chocolate cake on the table as if there's going to be a celebration. "What's going on?" I ask looking at my friends.

"It's a welcome party," Willow informs me. She steps forward and hugs me. "So welcome back from your honeymoon, Buffy. Actually it was Angel's idea. He said you were not in the best mood and he wanted to do something to cheer you up."

The same moment my husband comes out of the kitchen. He smiles at me. I smile back. And again he's done something to love him more. How could I ever live without him? "Thanks so much guys, Angel," I look at him. "That is so sweet and thoughtful," I sniff, "and now I'm starting to cry because I'm so touched."

Angel walks over to me, takes me in his arms and kisses me on the forehead: "I didn't do this to make you cry," he whispers in my ear. "Come on, love. This is a happy meeting. Do you want to try the cake? Your mom made it."

"Really," I look at my mother.

"Of course, honey. It's your favourite. Chocolate-fudge."

I sigh, this is exactly what I needed to get my mind off the crazy stuff that's going on right now. And again he's sensed it. I look up at my wonderful husband: "So then why don't you serve me a piece?," I grin.

"Very well, Madam," he bows with a smile. "Why don't you take a seat and cake will be served immediately."

"Thank you," I reply and walk over to the couch to sit down beside Cordelia.

"How was Rome?," she wants to know. "I've been there," she adds. "Some years ago, but I didn't really pay attention. I was only furious because my parents had promised the beach to me and we only made in culture instead. There are great clothes stores though and shoes..."

I laugh: "I know Cordy. And it was great. After a while I didn't dare to say I'd like a dress though, because Angel bought almost everything I liked." I glance at my husband who approaches us with a plate.

He smiles: "It was also for my sake. You look smashing in those dresses."

"Men," Cordelia snorts, but then shrugs: "Well in the end it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you got all those clothes. You have to show them to me very soon."

"I will," I say and laugh again. God, how good it feels to laugh.

******

At night I snuggle into the embrace of my husband. He holds me close and I feel safe and protected. And I'm sure I won't dream about Riley tonight.

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