DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, I don't want them, they make me cry too much. Joss and his people do the owning thing
SPOILERS: Nothing. Completely AU fic.
DISTRIBUTION: Great, just let me know where.
FEEDBACK: Please.
RATING: PG
AUTHOR'S NOTES: No Vamps, no slayers and the only monsters in this story are human ;^) I just wanted to write something different, this is it.

Prologue

First there was nothing.

A deep black abyss of nothingness staked its claim on her soul, smothering it slowly in triumph. It was strong, fierce and ruthless. But the spirit was stronger…

Slowly, one by one her five senses started to reconnect, each one breaking down the walls of unconsciousness and grasping the brand new day.

Part one.

It was a small room.

Small, white, with a strong smell of disinfectant and something she couldn't quite put her mind to…

** Flowers**

**That was it**

The fragrance of fresh cut flowers fought its way bravely through the sanitised aura of the room. A sharp intake of breath confirmed the flowers in question were roses.

**Most likely long stemmed and yellow**

She liked roses.

She liked yellow.

As the perfume filled her senses her mind was flooded with reminders of sunlight. Vibrant, warm and nurturing.

**Peaceful**

Inside her mind it was almost silent.

The only sound that penetrated the quietness was the faint ticking of a distant clock. It's subtle tick, tick, ticking was just enough to be noticed but not enough to be annoying. Not yet anyway.

Turning her head, the first thing her eyes focused on was a cheap painting of the seashore hanging crookedly on the far wall. Angry waves broke over jagged rocks but a small sliver of sunlight seemed to appease the hungry sea. In different surroundings it might have passed as pleasant but, on closer inspection, the work had been ruined by bad brushwork and to add insult to injury, a really tacky frame.

The painting was unfamiliar, but then so was the hard wooden chair in the corner and the small bedside cabinet that looked surprisingly like a hospital locker, right down to the small jug of water and chipped glass tumbler.

On reflection, it didn't just look like a hospital locker; it *was* a hospital locker.

With that startling revelation the smell of disinfectant returned and the white sterile walls that surrounded her hard uncomfortable bed started to closed in.

Fighting against a wave of panic and nausea, her head slipped to the other side of the crisp starched pillow. The scenery she faced wasn't very different. The same white washed walls, a slightly different seashore painting but it still had the same tacky frame, and yet another uncomfortable looking chair.

It was definitely part of a hospital.

She sighed, and then she saw him.

At the far end of the room the figure of a man stood at the window with his back to her, seemingly gazing into nothingness. His broad shoulders hunched slightly under a crumpled black silk shirt, and his hands were thrust into the pockets of equally dark trousers, stretching the fabric over his lean hips.

Suddenly, her skin felt hot and her mouth was too dry.

As she cleared her parched throat, the slight noise seemed to cut right through his reverie, causing him to turn and stare hard in the direction of the hospital bed.

"Buffy. It's about time you came back" His voice sounded like crushed velvet, each syllable smooth and soft as it slipped into the quiet room.

"Back?" The patient asked the question with uncertainty as her large hazel eyes studied his expressionless face.

As he moved out of the direct sunlight, she could make out his features more clearly.

At a little over six feet tall, with chiselled good looks and deep-set dark eyes, the statement *Tall dark and strikingly gorgeous* didn't really do him full justice, but it was a start.

"Back. Back to the land of the living, of course. It was touch and go for a while, you gave the doctors a real scare"

As she carefully studied him, she noticed that *Mr.Tall dark and strikingly gorgeous* was giving off an array of confusing signals. His softly spoken voice sounded relieved but at the same time, his body language remained cool, almost distant. When she didn't speak he continued.

"You've been unconscious for a while now, almost forty-eight hours" he stopped and sighed wearily "Do you remember what happened?"

"Unconscious?"

She started to sit up but her whole body seemed to protest against the idea. The tall dark man with enigmatic eyes sighed, pulling his hands from his pockets.

In a few long strides he crossed the room.

"You shouldn't try and get up yet, not until a doctor has spoken to you." His voice stayed remote but those eyes told a different story. Placing a hand on her arm he lowered her back down onto the hard mattress.

She was too weak and disorientated to put up any real resistance, but it was something else that stopped her trying.

The touch of his warm fingers on her bare arm caused her skin to tingle as if a small spark of static electricity had brushed over her body. It was a shock to her system in more ways than one.

For a brief second their eyes met, and he could clearly read the questions that lurked in the confusion, questions she seemed nervous to ask.

In that same second, she found herself needing to breathe, and when she did, his masculine scent flooded her senses. He smelt of ivory soap and stale cigarettes.

The sudden sound of a nurse's soft footsteps interrupted them, causing the man to step back and thrust his hands back into his pockets.

"Good morning, sleepy head. How are you feeling?" The middle aged woman smiled. Picking up the patient's slender wrist, she checked the rate of her pulse against her watch.

"I'm not too sure. It kinda hurts all over"

Still smiling, the nurse removed a thermometer from her top pocket and after shaking it a couple of times, slipped it under the patient's tongue.

"That's perfectly understandable in the circumstances. Just lay still until the doctor gets here, he will explain why you're in pain" Years of practice gave her voice the calming edge it needed to ease the patient's fears.

"My head's beginning to really hurt"

Leaning across, the nurse removed the thermometer and placed her hand to the younger woman's forehead.

"Your temperature's fine, but you did take a bad knock, the swelling has only recently gone down"

"Knock? Did I knock my head?"

The nurse raised her eyes over the young woman's head and looked towards the other occupant in the room, when he shrugged his shoulders she returned to her patient.

"I just want to ask you a few questions, just normal procedure to check for concussion. Okay? "

"Sure"

"Do you know what year it is?"

"2003" The answer was a knee jerk reaction, it slipped over her tongue without any need for thought.

"And your date of birth?"

"January 19th 1981" Still not a hint of hesitancy.

"And who is the President of the United States?"

The patient chewed her bottom lip slightly before answering.

"George Walker Bush, unless they've finally found a way to kick him out" This time the reply was even light hearted as her confidence seemed to grow.

The nurse smiled, putting her more at ease.

"Good girl, no problem there at all. Just one last question and I'll get you something for that headache. Can you tell me your name"

"My name? Of course I can, its…"

The nurse watched and waited, as the younger woman seemed to struggle on the simplest question of them all. After a few moments she admitted defeat and her face crumbled into a large frown. Biting back tears, she slowly shook her head.

" Elizabeth Angelus." The quiet words came from the other side of the room.

The confused patient looked up with large grateful eyes. For a moment real fear had squeezed her heart at the failure of that question, but at least now she had an identity.

She met his gaze, looking slightly puzzled.

"Wait. I remember now, but not Elizabeth, I think my friends call me Buffy"

He nodded, and once again moved closer to the bed.

That's right, it was a childhood nickname but now everyone calls you Buffy." The voice continued softly spoken but remained devoid of all emotion.

In her gratitude she didn't really notice.

"Wow! That's a real relief, I was beginning to get worried there for a moment" Buffy laughed as a tinge of colour returned to her cheeks but was quickly reminded of the throbbing in her temple.

Her slight grimace reminded the others.

"Do you still need something for the pain?"

"Please" Buffy replied trying not to nod her head and increase her discomfort.

While the nurse attended to the pain relief, Buffy turned to the other presence in the room. He bothered her in a way she didn't understand.

He was definitely *tall dark and gorgeous* but there was an also a hint of something uneasy about him, something dangerous.

"I'm sorry, you seem to know me and yet… Are we friends?"

Turning to face her, darkness covered his handsome features.

" No. We're not friends, Buffy" He snorted.

Cold, almost black expressionless eyes flashed in her direction, sending a shiver screaming down her spine.

"You're my wife"

Part 2

"You're my wife"

"WIFE? Buffy squeaked out the word in total disbelief.

Whatever she'd been expecting it certainly wasn't this little bombshell. At her startled statement, her so called *husband's* face creased into a dark, almost angry frown. His broad shoulders seemed to slump beneath his shirt and she was almost certain she heard him quietly sigh. Tearing her eyes from his face, her gaze travelled nervously down the length of his muscular left arm and on reaching his fingers, it settled on what appeared to be a small, gold wedding ring.

**You're my wife**

At the sight of the ring, an invisible band tightened around her chest, squeezing all the air from her lungs. Biting back the acid bile that was burning her throat, Buffy's shocked eyes edged slowly to her own left hand, only to discover the third finger was suspiciously bare… Oxygen was only returned to her protesting lungs when she realised that all her other fingers were also bare. Taking a welcoming gasp, Buffy calmed herself with the knowledge that she was in a hospital bed and almost naked, so the lack of a ring at this point didn't prove or disprove anything.

**This is utter madness**

From the moment she awoke her life had become surreal, nothing made sense anymore.

The silence that filled the room was almost deafening.

Turning her head, Buffy's anxious eyes flickered back to her *husband* and the coolness this man radiated caused her to shudder.

Suddenly her throat was too dry, the room was too hot and a troupe of small men with wooden clogs on their feet, danced frantically up and down inside her head.

**Okay, breathe Buffy. You remember how to do that much.. it goes in, out, in, out...** Each shaky breath caused her small chest to swell up against the rough hospital gown.

"You're my wife"

"We're married?.. You and me?" Buffy's large hazel eyes blinked as the information tried yet again to break through her disbelief.

The man claiming to be her husband glared, only his cryptic eyes showed any real emotion. Their coolness cut through her like freezing rain, causing Buffy's whole body to tremble.

Mr. tall, dark and gorgeous suddenly looked tall, dark and scary. His whole body seemed to tense up at her question. For a second, Buffy could have sworn she saw something resembling anger or even worse, bitterness flash in his deep chocolate orbs. When she looked again only indifference shone back at her.

Feeling the tension between the couple grow, the nurse took a diplomatic step forward.

"Buffy..." She started with a calming smile, carefully choosing the name the girl seemed more comfortable with." Do you recognise this man?"

**Do you recognise this man?**

The simple question brought Buffy crashing back to reality.

Did she recognise him?.

Looking up, she took a few more seconds to study his handsome features and then slowly nodded her head.

" You're Angel?" It was more of a question than an answer.

On her almost uncertain reply the nurse turned her head.

"I thought your name was Liam?" She asked suspiciously.

"It is. Only my wife calls me Angel"

Angel snapped back, annoyed that he had to explain something so intimate to a total stranger. He ran his hand slowly over his chin and the slight growth of stubble reminded him that he'd hardly slept in three days. What with the resent stress he'd been under, and now the lack of sleep, it was no wonder he was becoming irritable.

"I'm sorry, but you people already know who I am, you were the ones that called me, remember?" With a frustrated sigh he returned his voice to a softer level " All I'm concerned about is my wife, there's obviously a real problem here"

Buffy watched quietly, her eyes never once leaving his face.

He was giving off the most confusing signals.

Raising both hands to the side of her head, she massaged her temples, trying to rub out all the confusion swimming around in her memory.

"I don't understand any of this. My head, it's all mixed up, nothing's in the right place, everything's so fuzzy..." Buffy closed her eyes begging for the blackness to swallow her again, and return her to it's warm nothingness.

**Was there really a giant hole inside her head that used to hold memories of loving this man, marrying this man?. How could she possibly forget something that monumental, and yet still remember insignificant things, like the fact she liked yellow roses.**

"Here, take these" The nurse held out her hand and dropped two small pills into Buffy's trembling palm. Reaching over, she filled a small glass with water from the jug on the bedside locker and carefully placed it in her patient's other hand. Without hesitation, Buffy threw both tablets inside her mouth and swallowed them down with a large gulp of water.

Straightening the crumpled sheets, the nurse then offered a reassuring smile.

"They should ease the pain and also help you sleep"

Buffy shook her head.

"I don't want to sleep, I need to understand what happened to me..." She tried to stifle the yawn that broke free but failed as a renewed wave of exhaustion attacked her whole body.

"All in good time. First you need to rest. The doctor has been called and he will want to talk to both of you but, in the meantime, please try and sleep."

"But I…."

"Buffy, do as you're told. Close your eyes," Angel's clear voice was the last thing she heard.

She wanted desperately to protest, but her eyelids were already dropping. Within seconds, the darkness was washing back over her, pulling her into its safe, silent vortex. Only one picture accompanied her on the journey..

The face of this *Angel*... who ever he was.

*****

"Try not to be too concerned Mr. Angelus, a small amount of memory loss is not uncommon in cases like this."

Angel sat in the cramped doctor's office several hours later. He was tired, hungry and extremely frustrated but all that was put aside by his need to understand Buffy's condition.

Doctor Adam Walsh carefully studied the notes in front of him; he was nearly as tired as Angel after being on call for almost forty-eight hours. Ever since the accident two days earlier, the hospital resources had been pushed to breaking point. Every member on the staff had worked around the clock as they fought bravely to save the survivors.

Slipping off a pair of thin, gold rimmed glasses, he rubbed his own tired eyes before returning his attention to the notes

Angel wasn't impressed, the kid in the white lab coat didn't look old enough to be out of med school, let alone be responsible for Buffy's care.

"You said a small amount of memory loss, just how small are we talking about here?" Angel asked impatiently, his large body leaned across the desk making it clear he was sick of being brushed off. He wanted answers and he wanted them now.

Refusing to be intimidated, Adam Walsh scanned the papers again. He sympathised with the anxious man but knew in cases of amnesia, there really were no text book answers, each case was different. He also acknowledged that Liam Angelus wasn't a man to be messed around.

Catching sight of an important sentence, the young doctor looked back across his desk.

"I understand Elizabeth recognised you, she remembered some personal information?"

Angel nodded.

"Sure, she remembered a pet name, but she's my wife dammit, how can she forget something like that?" A small muscle in his jaw twitched with frustration.

"The accident must have been very traumatic, even though the CAT scan showed no damage to her brain, there's still the problem of shock to deal with. From what I've been told it was hell on earth out there, we don't know how much of the accident she witnessed, what horrors her mind is trying to forget. People have strange ways of handling stress. In your wife's case she seems to have shut down part of her mind."

"You're saying Buffy has amnesia?" Angel asked, not liking the idea one little bit.

The doctor nodded. Adam Walsh had seen more than his fair share of amnesia cases, especially accident victims.

"So how long will it last?" Angel asked.

Scratching his chin, Adam considered the question carefully before replying.

"We can't know, it could be an hour, a week, a year. It all depends on Buffy and her state of mind."

"And in the meantime what am I supposed to do?"

"At this moment in time Mr. Angelus, you know your wife better than she knows herself. She will need as much love and support as you can possibly give her. You need to take her home and treat her as normally as possible. Maybe when she's in familiar surroundings she'll feel safe enough to open her mind and let out what ever demons frightened her into closing it."

"And what if her memory never comes back. What if she never remembers me?" Angel didn't even want to consider that possibility.

Adam Walsh shook his head

"Permanent amnesia is extremely rare, especially in cases where there was no damage to the brain. No, your wife seems to be suppressing something, all we can do is give her time"

*****

Outside the hospital, Angel sat in his car and dialled the familiar number by heart, after a few short rings, the other end clicked open

"Hi Cordy, it's me" His weary voice breathed deeply into the small cell phone resting against his ear.

"Liam, It's about time you called, I've been worried sick" The woman's reply was both angry and concerned.

Angel rubbed his hand over his tired eyes and relaxed deeper into his seat. For a hire car it wasn't too comfortable but it was better than nothing.

"I know and I'm sorry, what can i say, its been a rough few days" He almost laughed at the understatement, the last few days had been a nightmare and from what the doctor had just told him, it was only just beginning. The female voice on the other end of the line soon broke him from his reverie.

"Liam, will you just cut to the chase. Is it the little bitch or not?" This time her tone was almost venomous.

"Cordelia! Don't talk about her like that" Angel's mask slipped for the first time and real pain showed in his hard brooding eyes. It had been easy to hide his feelings from Buffy, months of heartache had turned him into quite the actor. Cordelia would be green with envy at the skills he had picked up. But now out in the real world, the pain he had carefully hidden for the last three months surfaced and threatened to suffocate him all over again..

"Yes, it's Buffy" His eyes softened as the memory of her smile caressed his battered heart.

"And what has the bitc..sorry, what has your wife got to say for herself ? What excuse did she try to fool you off with"

"She didn't...."

"Oh please, don't tell me you forgave her" Cordelia angrily interrupted.

He could almost feel her contempt burn across the miles separating them.

"It's not that simple, she's got amnesia" Angel shook his head, cradling the phone closer to his ear, he waited for the explosion to follow. He wasn't disappointed.

"And you believed her! Liam you really are a dumbass"

"That's enough. I think you should remember your place, you're my little sister, not my mother" Angel snapped, his patience now pushed passed its breaking point.

For a second neither spoke, both sibling was too consumed with their own conflicting emotions to risk hurting the other.

"So, now what?" Cordelia calmed her tone of voice, she knew shouting at her brother wasn't the answer. She could almost see him shrugging his shoulders as he fought for the right answer.

"I guess that's up to Buffy"

"You really are a big, stupid, dumb ass.." She repeated her earlier insult but this time there was real pain in her voice. Cordelia didn't give him time to reply

"Liam, be careful, please, please be careful this time"

At the sound of his sister's real concern Angel pulled himself together.

"Don't worry, sis. She won't break my heart a second time"

Ending the call, Angel turned on the ignition and pulled away from the hospital. He seriously needed to shave, take a hot shower and change his clothes before seeing his *wife* again.

**She won't break my heart a second time** The promise he'd make to Cordelia rang loudly as he drove the short distance back to his hotel.

**There was no chance of that occurring, nobody played him for a fool twice**

As his heart started to freeze back over, Angel made a new promise to himself.

All he wanted from Elizabeth Angelus was closure and once that happened...she could go to hell for all he cared.

Part 3

"How long now?"

"She's been out for about twelve hours"

"I think it's time you woke her"

~~~~~~

Voices, distant and jumbled broke into the warm dark place that cradled her mind.

Reluctantly, Buffy lifted her heavy eyelids and with the first whiff of disinfectant, she realised what she'd thought was a nightmare had started all over again.

"Hello Elizabeth"

"I'd rather you call me Buffy," She replied without even looking up. When Buffy finally did pull herself up, she was greeted with almost navy blue eyes.

"Of course, Buffy it is," Adam Walsh smiled warmly at his patient. His handsome young face and light blonde hair immediately putting her at ease.

"I'm Dr Walsh and I've been overseeing your treatment for the last few days." Adam added as he turned and picked up her chart from the clipboard at the foot of her bed. After scanning the results of the last few tests, and being pleased with their readings, he turned his full attention back to his patient.

"So, Buffy, how are you feeling now?" He asked, replacing her notes and removing a small penlight from his coat pocket.

"I think the word *confused* sums it up perfectly." Buffy replied as she sat up and adjusted her ill fitting hospital gown.

"That's understandable" Adam murmured. Leaning forward, he shone a tiny beam of the light first in to her left eye and after watching the pupil's response, transferred it to the right.

"And are you still having difficulty remembering?"

Buffy blinked as the bright beam of light hit her eyes.

"Yes"

"From what I've been told you were a very lucky woman. Considering the injuries of the other victims, you seem to have escaped lightly," Adam switched off the light and returned it to his top pocket.

"Escaped?" Buffy's voice was barely a whisper.

Cold fear started creeping through her veins. As much as she needed to hear this information, the unknown that was once her past, terrified her.

Adam Walsh watched the frightened young woman's face and hoped she was strong enough to learn the truth about the accident. In normal circumstances he would have waited for her husband to be present, but these were far from normal circumstances.

" You were involved in an accident, Buffy. We've been having some real freak weather here in New York this last month. Some of the worst storms in twenty years. It seems the bus you were travelling on lost control in the heavy rain, and it crashed. There were a lot of other vehicles involved. It's been chaos here the last few days; there were so many fatalities. Sadly, only three of the bus passengers survived, two of them, an elderly couple, are in intensive care and the third, well, that's you."

Buffy felt the air sucked out of her lungs as the doctor's words entered her head.

"Oh God!"

Her pretty face lost all colour as the blood drained away in shock.

"The paramedic who brought you in said you were thrown clear before the bus burst into flames. Apart from a badly sprained ankle, a few nasty cuts and bruises and of course the knock to your head, you came out of it pretty unscathed"

"I think I'm going to be sick" Buffy threw her head forward and wrenched, but her stomach was too empty to comply.

Rubbing his hand over her back in support, the doctor gently persuaded her to lay back against the pillow.

"You will need to keep off that foot for a few days, but apart from that, you'll be fine"

Raising her fingers to her face, Buffy gingerly traced the row of butterfly stitches that snaked across her cheek. She knew from the pain that it was only one of many cuts and bruises covering her body.

"The cuts to your face are only superficial, they'll heal without scaring ," The doctor added softly on seeing the fear in her eyes.

Buffy bit into her bottom lip as hot salty tears started to burn.

"After hearing about the other passengers I guess my pathetic worries make me look pretty superficial" Tears ran unchecked down her cheeks as she lowered her hand.

"Of course not, you are a beautiful young woman, it's only natural you would be concerned. Try not to worry too much, just rest and let time do the healing"

Buffy sniffed back the last of her tears, she was thankful for the kind words but they failed to make her feel any better. She couldn't help feeling ashamed of her reaction. People had burned to death and here she was worrying about her face. A few scars should be the least of her problems.

On reflection they were.

"And what about my memory, or the lack of it?" She asked, finally pulling herself back together.

Adam knew this question was coming and he replied with the only answer he could.... The truth.

"As I've already discussed with your husband, these things are quite common. A knock to the head or a traumatic experience can often lead to these problems. It's just like your other injuries, Buffy. We just have to give them time."

**Time**

Buffy laid back and closed her eyes.

At least she was alive, and unlike most of the other passengers on that bus, she did still have *time* on her side.

She also had something else

A Husband she couldn't remember and now survivor's guilt she would never forget

**Would the nightmare ever end?**

****

"I would kill for a shower" Buffy sighed running her fingers through her lank and greasy hair. Now she was fully awake, she longed to stand beneath a jet spray of hot water and wash away, not only the sweat and dirt of the last few days, but also all the confusion and pain that invisibly coated her body. Even though she still couldn't remember the accident, the smell of death seemed to linger on her skin. Her greatest fear was that mere soap and water would never be enough to remove its stench from her soul.

The news of the accident had been a real shock, but Buffy knew it wasn't the only ghost that haunted her past. Something even darker lurked behind the black hole that had replaced her memory, something even harder to accept than the fact she had almost been killed.

"Sorry, you can't visit the shower room yet, it's too soon, you really don't want to get your stitches wet"

Buffy looked up.

"You also need to rest that foot for a few more days" The nurse replied apologetically as she straightened her patient's bedding.

"What about a bath then, anything, just so i can feel human again" Buffy continued to plead her case and tried to leave the dark thoughts that had swamped her to one side. She seriously needed a distraction, even if it was only for an hour, she needed desperately to relax.. Because if she could relax, then maybe, just maybe she could remember.

"You're missing the point, honey, you're not allowed out of bed. If you fell on that ankle you could seriously hurt yourself."

Buffy almost laughed

"Didn't you hear? I'm invincible"

The sarcastic reply was ignored.

On Buffy's defeated statement the nurse softened.

"How about I wash your hair for you, a blanket bath maybe?" she offered, feeling a new wave of sympathy for the younger woman's plight.

At the offer, Buffy's large hazel eyes lit up and smiled back warmly at the kindness. For a split second, she seemed to remember the face of her mother, it was no particular memory, just a warm caring face. It wasn't much, but it was a start and in that second, the picture brought her real hope.

"Besides, we can't have you looking all grubby when that handsome husband of your arrives."

"Thank you" Buffy replied, but suddenly the happiness she was feeling slipped away. Just the thought of Liam filled her with trepidation. She certainly wasn't looking forward to seeing him again.

**Not looking like this anyway**

Buffy didn't like where that thought came from and quickly closed it off. There was something odd about the way Liam's cold dark eyes washed over her. He was incredibly good looking and as sexy as hell, but, no matter how hard she tried, Buffy couldn't shake the feeling that something bad had passed between them.

As the nurse wrapped a towel around her shoulders and poured warm water from a jug over her head, Buffy frowned

Without a doubt, Liam was one of her ghosts.

Part 4

"There!.. You look as pretty as a picture" The nurse pulled Buffy's freshly washed hair back into a ponytail and snapped on a small coloured band to hold it in place. Even without a trace of makeup, she could tell the young woman was a real beauty. Buffy's large hazel eyes were framed with the longest lashes and her perfect silky skin, apart from the abrasions received in the accident, was the colour of golden honey. There was only one thing that worried the nurse, and that was the girl's weight, or lack of weight. Her petite patient was far too thin; she looked as if she hadn't eaten properly in weeks.

Leaning forward, the concerned nurse tied the small strings at the back of Buffy's ill fitting night-gown and tried not to notice the ribs poking through her skin.

"We really must get you something new to wear, this hospital gown doesn't look at all comfortable" She added adjusting the large starched pillows behind Buffy's head.

At her soft words, Buffy looked down at the simple cotton gown and smiled.

"That would be nice, this kinda itches in all the wrong places" She giggled and for the first time that morning, her fear of the unknown was pushed aside. In that instant, Buffy's whole face changed, and with the new sparkle of light dancing across her eyes, she looked like a completely different person.

"You need to smile more, it really suits you" The nurse smiled back, pleased with the transformation. At the compliment, her patient blushed, a small tinge of colour highlighting her pale cheeks.

**Pale thin cheeks**

As diplomatically as possible, the nurse broached the subject of food.

"Do you think you could manage something to eat? I could order you something light, maybe some eggs?" She offered hopefully

Buffy wrinkled her nose.

"Not a good idea..." she frowned sadly as a wave of nausea washed over her. In the confusion of the last few hours, all thoughts of food had been pushed out of her head. It was hard enough just keeping water inside her stomach.

The nurse still wasn't happy and tried a different approach.

"You need to get your strength back as soon as possible, Buffy. Doctor Walsh will never discharge you until you do."

**Discharge me, I hardly know what day it is**

As the well meaning words entered her head, reality snapped back in.

The turmoil returned like a mist swirling over the sea, its presence once again smothering the light from Buffy's eyes.

Watching the change cover her face, the nurse tactfully changed the subject.

"So, the blanket bath was a success?" She asked, turning to the bedside locker, she started picking up the damp towels and after folding them neatly, she placed them on her trolley.

Buffy nodded, it wasn't the shower she had dreamed of but it was a real relief to feel clean again

"Thank you, you've been very sweet, nurse...?"

Leaning forward, she squinted to read the small nametag on the front of the woman's uniform.

"Tara, you can call me Tara. Unless there's a doctor in the room" Tara winked back and picking up the bowl of dirty water, she turned and pushed her trolley towards the door. Just before leaving, she stopped and turned her head back.

"Buffy... Try to remember what the doctor told you, it's just superficial."

Buffy looked up from her bed and their eyes met for a moment and held. Finally pulling her gaze away, she nodded her head indicating that she understood perfectly.

"Sure, just superficial"

With one last smile, Tara left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

As her small world returned to its quiet, peaceful state, Buffy let her eyes drop down into her lap. Sitting cradled between her fingers was the small make up mirror she had earlier requested. Not that she was worried about applying her lip gloss, at that moment; a makeover was the last thing on her mind.

For a few minutes she just sat quietly turning the mirror over in her hands but never once looking into its face.. Just knowing it was there caused a dozen different emotions to run screaming through her body. Fear, anticipation, curiosity, uncertainty...

Running her tongue nervously over her dry lips, she studied the back of the small looking glass as if it held the secrets to the universe, and in a strange way, it did. At least the universe she had once lived in..

Both Tara and Doctor Walsh had offered to be with her when she took that first look, insisting that this was something she shouldn't have to face alone. But Buffy had argued, and won. This was definitely something she needed to do on her own.

Taking a deep breath she raised the mirror to her face and slowly opened her eyes.

"Oh God! Thank you." A small prayer of relief slipped softly over her tongue.

The reflection staring back at her was one she instantly recognised. The many cuts and bruises covering her skin didn't surprise her, they were pretty much what she had come to expect. The large black eye was a bit of a shocker, but all in all, her face wasn't too horrifying. Raising her hand, her fingers traced lightly over the line of butterfly stitches on her cheek, before moving across her nose and stopping at her swollen left eye.

**You seem to have escaped lightly** Adam Walsh's words filtered into her head and lingered. It was true, an inch either way and she could have been blinded, or maybe even worse. But she wasn't. Somehow a miracle had given her the chance to see another day.

Amnesia wasn't such a high price to pay after all.

Buffy sighed deeply and a single tear slipped over her dark lashes and trickled silently down her cheek. But it wasn't the sight of her injuries that caused her to cry with relief, under all that trauma, she finally saw something she remembered.

"I know you, you're Buffy.....Buffy Anne Summers" She smiled softly and watched her eyes reflect back the pleasure she felt at seeing a familiar face, even if it was only her own.

**Buffy Anne Summers** For reasons she didn't understand, this was the name that best fitted the reflection. Buffy shivered, she recognised the name and the face, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find a single memory of being the person.

**Your name's Elizabeth Angelus**

At the new thought, Buffy shook her head, she didn't know that person either, but out of the two, she knew which one she preferred.

A small rap at the door caught her attention and before she could call out, it opened.

"Can I come in?" Angel asked but didn't wait to be invited. In a few long strides he was standing at her bedside, the same stoic statement masking his handsome face.

"How are you feeling?... " He asked as calmly as he could manage.

Just seeing his wife looking so vulnerable had awoken feelings Angel didn't want to acknowledge. He had stood outside her room for thirty minutes, waiting for the nurse to leave and in all that time, pictures of their past life together taunted his head. As he walked into her room, it took every ounce of determination he possessed not to tell her just how much he really cared.

On seeing her new visitor Buffy attempted to smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

It felt strange looking at a man who she obviously shared so much of her life with, but no matter how hard she tried, Buffy couldn't find a trace of that life in her memory.

Liam Angelus had just fallen into a big dark hole of nothingness inside her head.

Feeling slightly sick, Buffy reached over for a glass of water and to fight the effect of the nausea, she sipped the cool liquid slowly. In the quiet room, her empty stomach growled out loudly as the water reminded her again that she hadn't eaten in days.

Lost in thought, her fingers must have trembled because suddenly Angel was reaching over and removing the glass of water from her hands.

"Here, let me take that for you before you soak the whole bed" His deep rich voice sent prickles over her skin.

**Maybe this man hadn't fallen completely into that black hole after all**

Buffy looked up as his face closed in and she felt a slight tug in her chest. There was obviously something between them; just his nearness set alarm bells ringing in her blood. It was just so confusing. He said he was her husband and sometimes he looked as if he really worried about her, but there was definitely something missing between them. There was just something in his eyes, or maybe there was something missing from his eyes.

*Were they close. Had they ever been close?* Far too many questions and no where near enough answers made Buffy's mind even more jumbled.

Pulling up a small chair Angel sat down. He forced his eyes not to stare at the small row of butterfly stitches that snaked across her cheek and involuntarily found himself hoping they wouldn't leave a scar. The thought of Buffy's lovely face being disfigured had haunted his dreams every night since the accident. No matter how much she had hurt him, he couldn’t help feeling she didn't deserve that.

"I've spoken to your doctor" His voice was soft when he spoke and although it gave nothing away, it surprised her.

"Me too "Buffy smiled back again, trying to lighten the mood between them. If they really were husband and wife they should at least be able to talk to one another.

But her pleasant smile was ignored and his face remained stoic.

"They want to keep you in for a few more days, just for observation. Are you all right with that?"

Buffy raised her eyebrows.

"Why wouldn't I be alright with it?" She asked confused at such a strange question.

"I just thought with your fear of hospitals and such..."

Her vacant statement portrayed that she had no idea what he was talking about.

"Hospital fear? Sorry, just add it to the long list of things I seem to have forgotten!" Buffy apologised for not understanding and waited for a deeper explanation.

Angel shifted uncomfortably in his chair as he remembered the first time she had confided her phobia. Not long after they married, Buffy had woken one morning in incredible pain, she was immediately rushed to the emergency room with a suspected Appendicitis. It turned out to be a false alarm, only a touch of food poisoning, but Buffy had been almost hysterical at the thought of staying in overnight. She explained about a cousin who had once died in hospital when she was a child and the irrational fear had followed her into adulthood. Angel had stayed by her bedside the whole night, never moving in case she woke up and thought she was alone..

**You should know better, Buffy. I'll never leave you**

It was only that promise that had kept her in the hospital that night.

Angel almost smirked at the memory, but deep in his chest, his heart ached at the irony.

"You once told me you hated hospitals, they ..."

Buffy watched carefully as he explained her childhood fear in more detail. As the words passed between them her eyes carefully studied his body language. He seemed tense, almost as if he were holding back a torrent of emotion she had yet to see. It baffled her but then again so much about this man confused her.

He looked different today. When she had first woken the man greeting her had looked a wreck, all being a drop dead gorgeous wreck. Now was a different story. Liam had shaved, gelled his hair in to tiny spikes and swapped the crumpled black outfit for blue faded jeans and a dark navy sweater. Mr. tall dark and gorgeous suddenly appeared Mr. tall dark and breathtaking.

"How's your head?"

Realising he had stopped talking and was waiting for an answer, Buffy raised her hand and ran her fingers lightly over the small bump.

"I think my head's still there" she smiled at his concern and this time her eyes sparkled. Angel felt himself drawn into the deep hazel pools and felt a pang of regret crush his chest. He'd always loved her eyes; they were the windows to her soul..

"I see you haven't lost your sense of humour" he grinned, determined not to let her see the effect she was having on him.

"No, just the memory" Buffy playfully grinned back. For the first time she found herself relaxing and enjoying his company.

Without either noticing, the tone of their voices changed and as they continued the conversation, they sounded more like lovers than strangers

" You were so lucky, Buffy. You could have died" His warm brown eyes looked distant for a moment.

"Liam? You weren't with me on the bus, right?" This was a question that had played on her mind more than once. Even though she'd already been told there were only three survivors, Buffy couldn't help wondering where her husband had been that day.

Angel shook his head and his eyes filled with regret. She hadn't called him Liam since the first few weeks of their relationship. Buffy had shortened his surname and used the endearment as a pet name just between the two of them. Cordelia nearly had a fit the first time she heard it. His sister had cried with laughter but it hadn't worried him at all. He loved the way the name caressed his wife's tongue. As the memories continued, the pain in his heart grew, It seemed so long ago now, back in the days when his sister and wife had been the closest of friends... And then out of nowhere Buffy had ruined everything.

Angel slammed the door shut on the past and brought his mind back to Buffy's question.

You weren't on the bus with me, right?

"No. The police think you were travelling alone" he replied honestly.

Buffy crinkled her forehead as she struggled to delve into her memory but no matter how many times she tried, there were still no answers to be found.

"Where was I going?" The not knowing was driving her crazy.

"From what I understand the bus was leaving New York."

" We live in New York?" she asked hopefully.

Angel shook his head

"We live in a small town called Sunnydale."

At the name of their hometown Buffy looked at a loss

"You don't remember Sunnydale?"

"No"

The name meant nothing.

"Do you remember any of the accident?" He asked curiously

Buffy bit her lip and stared at him blankly for a few seconds before replying

"No. just waking up" Into this nightmare she added silently. A nightmare that seemed to grow more confusing by the second.

"So what do you remember?" Angel persisted with his questioning.

"Well...Umm...The president of the United States, I got that one right" Buffy joked. She knew she was clutching at straws, there were other insignificant things she remembered, but that wasn't what Liam wanted to know.

His next question proved her right.

"What about me Buffy, you said you recognised me. How much do you remember about us?" the faintest hint of a humourless smile crossed his lips as he waited for the answer. Angel had waited a long time for this moment, he wasn't going to like what he heard, but he needed to know all the same.

" I remembered your name.." Her eyes looked away.

"And?" Angel fought to get the word out, he swore she almost looked embarrassed.

Buffy bit her lip again, unsure of herself. After a few frustrating seconds she shook her head.

"That's all.. I'm sorry, I know you said that I'm your wife but... but I don't remember you at all"

Angel sighed with disappointment, it was worse than he first thought. Until Buffy remembered her past, neither of them would ever find the peace they were both searching for.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them.

"Tell me about my family" Buffy asked startling him slightly. Angel wasn't sure if it was a good idea but they had to begin somewhere.

"There's not really much to tell. Your mother, Joyce, she died before we met. She was killed one night coming home from the gallery she owned. That just left you and your sister, Dawn. Dawnie's away in college at the moment. Your father's alive but you haven't had contact in a while.. Buffy?.. Buffy are you all right?" Angel stopped talking on seeing a stream of tears run unchecked down her cheeks. Her small shoulders shook and his heart melted at the sight. He'd always hated seeing his wife cry.

Drawing her legs up to her chest, Buffy wrapped her arms around them. She suddenly looked like a small child again, her features covered in grief.

"I remembered something earlier today, just a face really. It was my mom's. I... I didn't remember her being dead ... I'm sorry, I know this is stupid but it feels like I've just lost her all over again" Her small voice broke. The pain and exhaustion of the last few days finally taking their toll.

Picking up her hand for the first time, Angel absentmindedly caressed her fingers. He suddenly had a crazy urge to put his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to work out fine, that he would take care of her..She was his life and the explanations he looked for didn't matter any more.. But they did matter and the romantic thoughts shook him right down to his toes....Denial returned quickly. He didn't want to take care of her, he wanted to cut her heart out and use it for target practice, just as she had done with his, three months earlier.

"So, apart form my sister, I've got no one" Buffy sniffed, feeling even more sorry for herself.

At her careless words a cold shiver run down Angel's spine. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he re-opened them, his mask returned and covered his face, draining all the emotion he felt from his features.

There was a time, not long ago, when all Buffy had ever wanted was him, he had been enough. Dammit, he had been everything to her, just as she had always been enough for him.. As his fury rose, Angel slammed the door shut on those sickening memories; he simply couldn't bear to remember the lies that had broken his heart. Realising he was holding her fingers, Angel dropped them, almost as if they burned his skin.

"You're not completely alone, Buffy. You have a few close friends." he sneered at the thought. **They had all taken her side. Buffy could never do anything wrong in their eyes. All except one**

Looking up, she didn't seem to notice the coolness return to his eyes.

Buffy wasn't sure how she felt at that moment. Finding out she was almost totally alone in the world scared her more than she wanted to admit. This man, this stranger who held her hand for a few moments might act indifferent but she had felt warmth in his touch, a glimmer in his eyes that didn't lie. She knew for some reason he cared about her more than he wanted her to know. Something else scared her, when Liam was holding her hand she had the strangest feeling she never wanted him to let it go..

Suddenly she was beginning to believe that there was maybe something between them after all.

Taking a calming breath, Buffy looked back into Angel's dark eyes

"And there's you" She whispered as she wiped away her tears.

Angel didn't answer her, he couldn't. Everything was becoming too confusing. Months of bitterness had kept his anger strong but every time he looked into her eyes, he was reminded of all the reasons he had loved this woman in the first place. It terrified him .. No matter how much he wanted to hate her, his lonely heart continued to rebel.

Angry at his weakness, Angel pulled all his bitterness to the front of his mind.

"Do you want me to take you home, Buffy?"

"Home?"

To Buffy, the word sounded almost unreal.

Flashes deep inside her mind told her that home was were the heart was, home was warm and safe and smelled of chocolate cookies and family.. Not strangers with cold hands and even colder hearts.

But where else is there to go??? Her head whispered back sadly

"Well...?" Angel asked impatiently, at her hesitation, he couldn’t stop the twinge of bitterness that entered his voice

Buffy sighed deeply, there really was nowhere else.

"Yes, take me home...".

Go to Part Five