Part 5

When Angel arrived, bright and early the next morning, he was carrying an armful of expensive looking shopping bags.

Just finishing her nightshift, Tara Giles caught sight of the handsome young man as she wearily headed for home. She watched for a moment as he slowly climbed the hospital stairs. Liam looked tired again, his shoulders were slightly slumped and his deep brown eyes seemed lost in a world of their own.

Tara was usually a good judge of character and she knew immediately that things were not as they seemed with this man.

While working on Buffy's rehabilitation, she hadn't failed to notice how he acted around his young wife. Liam Angelus always seemed so cool, calm and collected with Buffy but, when he thought he wasn't being observed, his emotions were an entirely different story. Where Buffy was concerned he was definitely hiding his true face behind a stoic mask.

As she studied him more closely, Tara noticed a sadness about Liam that she'd rarely seen before. He showed all the classic signs of nursing a badly broken heart and yet that little scenario didn't make any sense at all. His wife, who even a complete stranger could see he adored, had miraculously survived the accident intact. Memory loss might be troublesome but it was far from being life threatening. Dr. Walsh had already confirmed that Buffy's amnesia had a 90% chance of being only temporary, and that the rest of her injuries would soon fade from sight. In no time at all Buffy had a great chance of being the same person she was before the accident.

On that information alone, Liam should have been the happiest man alive, but it was very clear to Tara that for some unknown reason he wasn't. From the dark look on his face as he reached the top step, Liam was a million miles away from being happy.

As he rounded the corner of the hospital and finally disappeared from her view, Tara sighed. Her patient, who she had grown very fond of, was going home with this man in a few days time.

Turning towards her car, Tara Giles hoped with all her heart that Buffy wasn't making a big mistake.

******

After inquiring about his wife's condition with the nurse on reception, Angel pushed open the door and quietly entered her room.

That morning the small, sterile room was bathed in soft golden sunlight; its' warm rays falling gently across Buffy's bed. As Angel moved closer he noticed that she was still sleeping peacefully. Her pale face resting against the hard pillow looked totally relaxed in its slumber. The swelling to her left eye seemed to have reduced and the beauty that lurked beneath the bruises shone out like a beacon in the dark.

"Angel" The sudden murmur of his name was so quiet that he almost missed it.

For a second he thought she was waking, but Buffy only sighed in her sleep and rolled over. In her new position, the soft rays of golden sunlight now highlighted her whole face. Her long blonde hair spilling softly across the pillow like an angelic halo.

At the sight, Angel's breath hitched in his throat and he was certain he felt his heart break for the millionth time.

Sitting quietly in the bedside chair, he watched as she continued to sleep for another hour, all the time refusing to give into the bitter tears that stung the back of his eyes.

With every minute that slowly ticked by, Angel's resolve grew stronger.

**It didn't matter how beautiful she looked, he would never let her get close enough to hurt him again**

****

"Good morning, or should I say afternoon?"

At the sound of his smooth voice Buffy's lashes flicked and slowly opened.

For a few seconds she seemed disorientated but as the haze of confusion lifted, the corners of her mouth turned into a small smile .

"Hi....." She finally returned the greeting to her early morning visitor.

**He's not a visitor, he's your husband** The little voice inside her head reminded her quickly.

Although Buffy still had problems thinking of Liam as her husband, she made a firm decision the night before to try a lot harder. If they were ever to get back to normal, or as close to normal as possible in the circumstances, she would have to accept without question that they had once shared a life together. It would be hard but it wouldn't be impossible... Or at least she hoped it wouldn't

Slowly sitting up she curiously eyed the bags he was holding.

"Your nurse, the one who was in here last night, she told me you needed a few things. I went shopping..." Angel said casually dropping the parcels he'd purchased onto her bed.

"A few?" Buffy's eyes lit up.

" It looks like its Christmas morning." She smiled and reached excitedly for the first bag.

Angel watched quietly as an almost childish quality covered her beautiful features. For a second he was almost tempted to question her answer, which Christmas morning was she referring to? But just the look in her eyes made him hold back. For the first time since she had woken from the accident, the pain and confusion that had taken residence upon Buffy's face seemed to have faded from sight. A few parcels had done more than any pep talk could have. Without meaning to, Angel found his own face smiling back at her.

"I bought you some nightwear, a few toiletries and some clothes to travel home in. I hope they fit, Buffy. The jeans and shirt might be a little on the large size, you seem to have lost weight recently." His eyes hadn't failed to notice how tight her skin now stretched over her small frame.

**You seem to have lost weight recently**

Buffy thought the remark a little strange, surely she couldn't have lost that much weight in just a few days. But as she opened the next bag her attention switched to its contents.

"I..... I wasn't too sure of your bra size so I brought a few different ones" Angel stuttered slightly as the garments came into view.

Buffy looked up and caught the blush that crossed his cheeks before he had time to remove it. Looking back at the cream silk and lace underwear, she found herself wondering if he had ever bought her gifts like this before.

"They're lovely and I really appreciate you going to so much trouble..." Buffy gasped as she pulled a pale blue, silk, night-gown from a gift-wrapped package. When she looked back up, her eyes were once again filled with questions.

"What about my own clothes?" she asked quietly.

Angel sat back down in the chair next to her bed.

"The ones you were wearing were ruined in the accident. If you had any luggage on the bus it was destroyed in the fire. Of course, there's a possibility that the rest of your clothes are safe but because you can't remember where you were staying..."

"But surely you must know, I must have told you where I was going" Buffy interrupted.

Angel slowly shook his head.

"No" His voice was cold.

"This is getting more confusing by the second. How did the hospital know who I was? How did they know where to find you?

"They found your driving license and passport close to the wreckage" Angel noticed how pale she suddenly looked. Leaning forward he gently picked up the new night-gown, running the soft material through his fingers. The second he had seen it in the shop window he knew it would look beautiful against her golden skin.

" Buffy, why don't you get changed, I'm sure you'll feel much better once you're back in normal clothes." The subject was changed.

"Liam, please, I really need to understand..." Buffy changed it straight back again.

But Angel wasn't in the mood to be manipulated; the darkness that passed across his eyes made it perfectly clear that the conversation was over.

"We can talk about this later" Standing abruptly, he turned and walked towards the door.

"I'll see if that nurse is around, you might need some help" Without even looking back, Angel carried on out the room.

******

Five days later

The fire burned.

It tickled and teased, as it's hot red tentacles licked at her skin. Buffy reached out her hand and watched in horror as the once smooth texture of her tanned arm crinkled and blistered as it slowly melted from the bone. Pain bubbled up in her throat but when she tried to scream, the sound was lost. Lost deep in a maze of confusion. There was nowhere left to run, nowhere safe to hide and no one she could trust. Backing into her shell she watched as the red evil moved ever closer, engulfing her in its heat and anger.

With her last breath she screamed.

"ANGEL.."

"Hey!"

The soft calming word instantly brought her out from the terror of her dream. Buffy slowly opened her eyes and blinked as warm brown orbs filled with concern stared deeply into her face.

"You were dreaming, only dreaming, Buffy" his gentle voice smothered her, washing away the pain of the fire.

Buffy's whole body trembled as she tried to sit up in her seat. All around her, the other passengers on the aircraft were already beginning to look away from the strange young woman who had called out so fearfully in her sleep. Forgetting the embarrassment that would have normally turned her cheeks scarlet, Buffy concentrated on controlling the violent trembling that had invaded her body.

"Sssh, It was only a dream" Angel continued to try and reassure his wife. The look of terror on her face was beginning to scare him.

"But it seemed so real" Buffy shook her head refusing to accept the truth for a few moments. Everything about the dream had been so real she could almost taste it.

"Was it the accident? Did you remember something?" Angel leant forward curiously.

Buffy closed her eyes as the visions continued to taunt her head. But no matter how hard she tried to put them in order, they were still nothing more than a jumbled mess.

"No, I don't think so. But even if it was, it didn't make any sense"

Angel couldn't help the small sigh of disappointment, for a moment he actually believed his wife was breaking through her blocked mind. He should have known better.

Buffy laid her head back against the headrest of her seat and let the low drone of the aircraft soothe her fragile nerves.

***

It was a long, tiring, flight from New York back to Sunnydale but the first class seats had made the journey slightly more bearable. Buffy's foot was still heavily bandaged and every thirty minutes she had to manoeuvre it in an attempt the stop the beginnings of cramp from setting in.

Originally, Angel had offered to drive them back to Sunnydale in his hire car, but the thought of travelling on the freeways so soon after almost being killed, was simply too much for Buffy's state of mind.

Just the short ride to the airport had been a nightmare. To Buffy, it seemed as if her whole new life was just one long nightmare after another.

The last week had passed in a blur and before she had time to realise it, she was being discharged and sent home.

It felt strange leaving the hospital, in its own way it had become a security blanket, a place where she actually felt safe. Now faced with the outside world and a husband she still didn't know, Buffy was hesitant to take the first step to rehabilitation. For some strange reason she couldn't quite understand, she felt as if she was stepping out of the frying pan, straight into the fire..

Standing on the steps outside the hospital entrance, her new friend had hugged her and wished her well. Tara slipped a small piece of paper into Buffy's pocket and told her that if she ever needed somebody to talk to, all she had to do was pick up the phone. At the sweet gesture, Buffy hugged her back, almost afraid to let go.

Adam Walsh then approached her; the good-looking doctor shook her hand and informed her that all her notes had been transferred to the hospital in Sunnydale. With an almost sad smile, he told his patient that any future treatment would be carried out there and he hoped it wasn't too long before her life became clearer. Lowering herself into the passenger seat of Angel's car, Buffy waved goodbye to her new friends until her eyes were so blurred with tears she could no longer see them.

***

Buffy shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She still couldn't believe she'd actually agreed to go home with a man she still had no memory of even marrying. Turning her head slightly, she carefully studied her travelling companion/husband.

He was handsome, in a drop dead gorgeous sort of way. He seemed intelligent, even considerate on occasion. The clothes he had brought her were expensive and tasteful. But what did she really know about this man.

**Nothing**

**No, that wasn't true**

He was cold and distant and sometimes even hostile..

Buffy struggled to find it in her heart to accept the truth. How could she have married a man who plainly didn't love her? She sneaked another look at him and found his enigmatic eyes studying her intensely- as if he too, was reassessing the person he had once known.

**The person she couldn't remember being.**

**The person that might be lost forever.**

She needed answers and he was the only one that could tell her.

"Liam, how did we meet?" Buffy started nervously.

Angel thought about the question very carefully before replying. He knew it made no sense lying. He understood that if he wanted to help Buffy remember her past, he would have to tell her certain things about their life together. Taking a deep breath, he brought the memory of their first meeting to the front of his mind and let it play out painfully before his eyes.

" You said it was lust at first sight. It must have been, because you chased me clear across Sunnydale, as I remember" Angel found himself smiling at the reminiscence. In his mind, he could see the younger version of Buffy as clear as day. Her hair was much longer in those days and she had the largest hazel eyes he had ever seen.

At the revelation, Buffy's jaw dropped open in shock. After the way Liam had behaved towards her the last week, it was the last thing she had expected to hear.

If Angel noticed the amazed statement cover her face he didn't comment on it.

His own statement seemed to take on a whole new life. For the first time Buffy saw the real man behind the mask he wore so securely.. Lost in a trip down memory lane, Angel continued with his story.

" You were relentless and ruthless" he grinned " But that's you all over Buffy. When you set your mind to something there's no changing it"

"Oh?" Now she really was speechless.

"Not that I didn't want to be chased." He chuckled lightly and the warm sound tugged at her heart.

"You were the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, but that was the problem..."

Buffy opened her mouth again but she was still doing an impression of a goldfish. Her lips moved but no sound was made as she struggled to come to terms with the information about her past..

"You were a mere girl when we first met and I was terrified about the difference in our ages. At the time your mother had just died and I was acting on behalf of your father, he wanted custody of Dawn. I was working for Wolfram and Hart in those days; they were a large law practice in LA. It was a Friday afternoon, I'll never forget, you flew into my office like a tornado from hell. " At that point Angel looked up, his eyes burning with repressed feelings.

Buffy couldn't speak, or move, or hardly breathe as she waited for the story to continue.

"You were so tiny but you fought like a tiger. I don't think Hank Summers ever knew what really hit him..."

Buffy finally found her voice.

" You were helping my father take my little sister away from me?" she finally asked with disbelief.

Angel nodded

"For a while. After I read the case notes and talked to you and Dawn, I realised how wrong it was. I could see with my own eyes how much you loved your sister. I quit working for W&H and took your side instead, not that you needed me. Within a month you had won over your father, you were awarded custody of Dawn and..."

"And...?" Buffy bit hard into her bottom lip.

"I stopped running and let you catch me. I didn't care about our age difference any longer, I knew I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life..." Angel trailed off and looked down. He was suddenly worried that maybe he'd given too much of himself away.

"Did you love me?"

There was a faint uncertainty in her voice as Buffy struggled to accept the possibility. Coming from a man, who wouldn't even touch her, this was almost too hard to believe

Angel let out a deep breath and nodded his head sadly.

" Yes, I did"

"And did I love you?"

At her question he physically flinched.

**And did I love you**

Angel felt so frustrated he wanted to scream.

In that split second Buffy could see pure pain in the depths of his dark chocolate eyes. Pain and a deep rooted sadness.

She waited for the answer but it never came.

The aircraft landing lights chose that precise moment to start flashing, warning that Sunnydale airport was fast approaching and that the pilot was getting ready to descend.

When Buffy looked back from the flashing light, her husband had turned his back and was now gazing out of the window. His broad shoulders seemed rigid and as far as he was concerned, the conversation was over.

Buffy checked her seat belt and laying her head back against the seat, she closed her eyes and tried to make sense of all the information she now knew..

Just watching Liam speak, she could feel the emotion of their past radiating off his body like heat on a warm summer's day. At times, when he spoke, there had been real passion in his eyes, both passion and tenderness. But there had also been bitterness and something a lot worse. Buffy almost swore at one point she saw outright hatred. It terrified her but it also sent her mind searching for answers.

If they really had fallen so hopelessly in love just a few short years earlier, what on earth could have ripped them apart?

Part 6


Manoeuvring her crutches as carefully as she could, Buffy slowly made her way down the steep steps of the aeroplane. As her small feet landed safely on the tarmac at Sunnydale airport, she took a deep breath and turned to face the unknown.

**So this is Sunnydale** She thought as her eyes flickered nervously at her new surroundings. All around her, the grey faceless buildings that framed the airport, seemed to close in as she searched deep into her mind for a trigger, anything that would break through the endless black void that had stolen her life.

Planes, hangars, buildings, people.... Nothing. Not one thing reached through the blackness in recognition and welcomed her home.

**Oh God, I'm still lost**

One by one, the other passengers from the flight moved impatiently passed the small girl with the bruised face and bandaged leg in their haste to collect their luggage and reach their own final destination. But Buffy was in no hurry... She was too busy being scared to death.

"Well, what do you think of the place so far?" Angel's calm voice floated into her ear as he too descended the steps of the plane and continued on past her.

Leaning heavily on the two metal crutches for support, Buffy couldn't move. A tidal wave of fear and uncertainty swept over her tired limbs, leaving her rooted to the spot. She couldn't do this; she was terrified of taking the next step because that step would lead her straight into the past. And until she could remember that past, her whole future would be left in limbo.

**Stop feeling so sorry for yourself ** A tiny spark of inner strength struggled through her fear.

**Pull yourself together, Summers. You might never have visited this airport. That could be the reason you don't remember it**

The small thought that danced lightly through her head brought little comfort. Neither did the fact that she continued to think of herself as *Summers*. It was discouraging that she remembered her maiden name and not the name of the man she had married, but no matter how hard she tried, Buffy couldn't bring herself to use her husband's surname.

"Are you all right?" Angel asked softly, after noticing that his wife had stopped moving.

Buffy didn't reply at first. To the outside world she looked deep in thought as she carefully scanned the small airport. But sadly, no matter how hard she tried; the building just looked the same as the one they had just left. It was a lot smaller than New York airport and the weather here was much nicer but apart from that, to Buffy, it was just an airport. Just another disappointing dead-end.

Seeing the pain slip across her face, Angel took a small step back and reaching out his arm, he gently squeezed her shoulder

"Come on, lets get you home" As he spoke, a hint of concern softened his hard features.

With a weary sigh of disappointment, Buffy slowly moved away from the plane and hoped with all her heart that something on the other side of the airport would look more familiar….

On reaching the main terminal, Buffy and Angel walked silently through the customs area and then on to collect their small amount of luggage. Angel had offered to find a wheelchair but his obstinate wife had blankly refused and continued to hobble painfully until they exited the building.

"You really shouldn't be putting so much pressure on that foot. The doctor told you to rest it for a few more days. I really don't mind getting you a chair" Angel offered again as he watched the pain grow in Buffy's stubborn eyes.

"I'm fine" Buffy mumbled, trying to keep her disappointment from showing. The outside of the airport looked as unfamiliar as the inside.

Moving froward she stumbled slightly and when Angel reached out to stop her falling, she pushed him away.

"I'm not a child, I can manage perfectly alright on my own" Buffy snapped, but she wasn't so much angry at Angel's offer of help as she was of her own failure. **Her failure to walk, but more importantly, her failure to remember.**

Angel backed away, his face darkening at her cruel dismissal.

"Suit yourself," He smiled tightly, unsure why he felt so annoyed by her reluctance to accept his help.

**If the damn woman wanted to cripple herself why should he care..** But that was always his trouble.. He did care. No matter how hard he fought to hate her, part of him still cared. **A small part of him would always care.**

Watching his body language change, Buffy realised how unfair her outburst had been, and apologised..

" I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap.. It's just so...."

"Frustrating?" Angel offered.

Buffy nodded.

"Yeah, that's exactly what it is" she sighed sadly accepting the truth.

**Frustrating was the understatement of the year**

"Come on, its not far now, lets get out of this place?" Angel took her elbow and guided her safely across the parking lot to where he had left his car ten days earlier.

This time Buffy didn't protest, she even welcomed the support of his warm hand on her tired arm. For the first time since waking into this nightmarish world, she actually felt safe in his presence. The feeling was surprisingly comforting.

**This man might not like you very much but he'd never let you fall.** Although the thought came out from nowhere, Buffy knew it was true.

On reaching his parking place Angel checked once again on the state of her health.

"Are you sure you're alright? You look very pale."

This time there was no violent outburst.

Buffy just nodded her head sadly and after passing Angel her crutches, she slowly sank into the passenger's seat of the black Plymouth convertible. Immediately, the smell of polish and leather washed over her senses and she breathed it in deeply. It was familiar and comforting but more than that, the subtle blend of aromas was the first thing she'd recognised in what felt a lifetime. She knew without a doubt that she'd travelled in this convertible many times before.

Angel threw the luggage in the boot, slammed the lid and dropped in the seat beside her.

" Nice car" Buffy sighed softly, running her hand admiringly over the dashboard. Even the feel of it beneath her fingertips felt familiar.

At her comment, Angel couldn't resist the chuckle he gave back.

" You always thought so. And before you ask Buffy, the answer's no, I'm still not letting you drive it"

Buffy looked up and for the first time since arriving in Sunnydale she smiled

"I think that's a very wise idea, I don't seem to remember learning how to drive" She teased this time and her eyes twinkled with a hint of mischief.

As her warm smile tore into his heart, Angel joined in with the joke and did a little teasing of his own.

"The way you used to drive, I think that can be called that a plus"

Buffy tried to smile but failed miserably to make it look convincing.. There was nothing good about losing everything you had ever learned. There were no pluses as far as she could see.

Knowing he was fighting an uphill battle, Angel started the car and moved out of the car park.

" I know this is hard but it will get better. You just have to keep believing that" He offered reassuringly.

Buffy lifted her face at the concern she had heard in his voice and although she couldn't find it in her heart to believe him, she was more than grateful that he tried.

As Angel paid the parking fee and joined the line of traffic leaving the airport, she turned away and looked out of the side window, hoping to catch a glimmer of something, anything that would tell her she was really home.

After they had been driving for a few minutes, Angel glanced over to see his wife deeply engrossed in the passing scenery. Her delicate features looked strained as she tried to place the assortment of buildings flashing passed without any success. He could feel the growing disappointment radiating from her small body as yet another row of houses passed by with no recognition. No matter how helpless Angel felt, he knew this was something Buffy could only do by herself.

"I feel as if I'm looking out from behind a dream, one of those deja vu ones where you know you've seen it all before and yet.."

Buffy sighed again with frustration. This time they were passing the university she had once attended, before her mother's death had brought an end to her education. On Angel's mention that she had once attended classes there, Buffy sank deeper into her depression, she couldn't remember a single day she'd ever spent there.

"Maybe you're trying too hard" Angel offered again.

Buffy shook her head and watched the campus flash past the widow as he drove a little faster.

"It's in there, I can feel it. It feels as if I'm returning to a place I once visited as a child. It's vaguely familiar but nothing really jumps out at me. Sunnydale is a lot smaller than I imagined" Her small voice trembled and the sound of tears was plainly heard by both of them.

Without taking his eyes off the road, Angel reached over and softly squeezed her hand.

"It will all sort itself out in the end" He hated the thought of her crying. Buffy was so strong and this new weakness was something he hadn't expected.

At the touch of his warm fingers, Buffy shivered. She suddenly found herself holding her breath as he unconsciously caressed her hand.

After a few seconds, and after realising what he was doing, Angel stopped and placed his hand back on the steering wheel, much to Buffy's disappointment.

"I'll drive the long way round, that will give you a clearer picture of Sunnydale" Angel mumbled and cursed himself for touching her hand. Now all he could think about was how much he wanted to hold her, comfort her, wipe away her tears and it was all a waste of energy. At the end of the day all he wanted was answers and when he had them, the bitch could cry a river for all he cared.

**Keep saying it and you might believe it one of these days** Even his own thoughts knew he was lying.

One by one places of importance went by unobserved.

As they drove past Restfield cemetery, Angel resisted telling Buffy that her mother was buried there. He knew that little snippet of information would be too hard on the first day, some things really could wait.

"It feels as if I've not been here for years.. Liam, just how long was I away?" The question was innocent. Buffy had no idea how much the answer would shock her.

For a second, Angel was caught completely off guard.

He didn't answer at once. Speeding up to pass a couple of slower moving cars in the outside lane, he looked deep in thought as if trying to decide whether to reply or not.

"A little over three months" He finally gave in and answered.

Keeping his eyes firmly on the road ahead, Angel spoke quietly, as if it hurt just saying the words out aloud.

"Three months?" Buffy was stunned, she had expected to hear a few days, a week at most.

"What was I doing that kept me away for so long?"

Angel slowed the car as the traffic lights ahead turned red. His long fingers gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"You said you needed some time on your own. You had a lot of stuff going on in your life with the gallery and such..." The well practised lie slipped easily over his tongue.

Once again, he found himself lying rather than coming out and saying just what needed to be said. Angel bit back the sigh that rose in his throat. Buffy was going to find out sooner or later but until then...

With his reply Buffy remained silent. Trying desperately to add two and two together without coming up with six. There was something really wrong with this whole picture. People didn't just take off for three months at a time, not normal people with normal lives…

**Did they?**

After letting a dozen different scenarios play havoc with her imagination, she asked the question that was bothering her most.

" Liam?"

"Yes" he replied tightly not taking his eyes off the car in front.

"Did we fight..?"

"Sorry?"

At his cold glare Buffy tried a different approach.

"Did we argue?"

" That's a strange question" Angel didn't like the way this was heading, or what she seemed to be insinuating.

"You said I needed space, I was just wondering if we quarrelled.." Buffy looked up and her eyes reflected all the turmoil she felt.

Taking a deep breath Angel knew this question could only be answered with the truth.

"No, we never fought. In fact we never argued Buffy, not once"

It was true and that's what hurt him the most. They had always had the most perfect marriage… or so he had always believed

**What a fucking joke that turned out to be**

With the traffic light switching to green Angel pulled away. Trying to get his mind off Buffy's earlier question, he changed the subject by describing different places of interest in a hope they might set off a trigger in her memory. But, sadly, each location continued to draw a blank statement.

Passing the high school, Buffy gasped at the black, burntout shell.

"What on earth happened there?" Her voice trembled, just the thought of fire now terrified her.

"Graduation day. 1999 I think. You told me there was a fire during the speeches, the principal and a few of the students were killed. They have only just started to rebuild"

At the confirmation of the fire Buffy felt a cold shiver cover her body and sat further into the seat. She remained silent then until Angel pointed out the next landmark.

"That's the Bronze" He glanced at her as the traffic slowed. " Recognise it?"

Looking out at the small club, Buffy's eyes lit up.

"I think so" At last a building really did look familiar. "I have a feeling I spent most of my teenage years behind those doors," She added getting more and more excited.

"You did" A small smile lifted the corners of Angel's mouth at his success. But even though he smiled, he knew the real test was fast approaching.

Turning the corner of Ravello Drive, Angel stopped the car outside number 1630 and waited.

"Oh God, I know this house....." Buffy's grinned with deep relief. She didn't know why she knew it but the picture was imprinted in her heart.

"I've seen this house before..."

"Of course you have Buffy, about a million times. It's your home"

Angel jumped out of the car. Walking to the other side, he opened the passenger's door and held out his hand.

He smiled, but for reasons of his own it failed to penetrate his dark brown eyes.

"Welcome home, Buffy."

The coolness that returned to his deep, rich voice sent a shiver of uncertainty screaming through her body.

**Home?**

As she took the first step, Buffy was overwhelmed with a terrible urge to turn and run...

**But where on earth could she go?**

Part 7

"So, how long have we lived here?" Buffy asked looking at the tastefully furnished sitting room.

" You've lived here all your life, Buffy," Angel replied placing their luggage down on the floor. It felt good to be home and yet, just seeing Buffy standing there after so many months, brought back more memories that he could bear to remember. Buffy didn't know how lucky she was with her amnesia, the way he felt, Angel would have chanced places with her in a heartbeat.

"You were born here, I moved in with you and Dawn after we were married" He turned his attention back on the present and tried desperately to ignore the pain of the past.

**I carried you over that threshold. We made love on that carpet... You broke my heart in the kitchen** For Angel, turning off the past wasn't so easy.

Walking slowly around the room Buffy silently studied the furnishings, the curtains, the chairs, the pictures on the wall.

"It's not as familiar inside as it was outside" Her quiet voice finally broke into the stillness of the room.

The disappointment was sickening. Buffy had been sure that, once she walked through the front door, something - anything - would help make things fall into place.

But, no matter how hard she tried; she couldn't remember ever living here, not even before marrying Liam.

Angel was just as disappointed at her failure. He wanted her to remember, he wanted this over.... He needed this to be over while he was still strong enough to walk away.

"Come on, let me show you around"

As Buffy hobbled from room to room, the uneasy feelings she had been experiencing started to fade. Although she didn't remember living there, she definitely liked the house. It had an aura of calm about it, a safety she associated with the word home. Casting her mind back to her recent stay in hospital, she remembered her ideal vision of what home should be.

**Home was were the heart was, home was warm and safe and it smelt of chocolate cookies and family..**

There wasn't much in the way of family here but, to Buffy's jumbled mind, she guessed this was close enough. The chocolate cookies might turn out to be a bit of a problem, Buffy still had no idea if she could even cook .

"I'll show you the bedroom" Angel reached out and took her arm. He immediately withdrew it when he felt her flinch. Determined not to let her see how much that small reaction had hurt him, he continued in a quiet voice

" I think you need to rest after that long flight, it will be a lot more comfortable in your own room" His eyes suppressed the anger he felt as they bored into hers, telling Buffy that his intentions were strictly honourable.

Buffy felt a rush of heat to her face, suddenly feeling both foolish and embarrassed at the same time.

The guy could hardly bear to touch her; let alone want to have sex with her the second they walked through the door.

**Sex with Liam**

Just the thought of being so intimate with him shook her. Buffy tried to tell herself that it shouldn't, he was, after all her husband, they had been married for over two years and they had obviously made love many times.

As her eyes flicked over his tall strong body, Buffy forced herself to look away. She was horrified with her thoughts. For a fraction of a micro second she actually fantasised about what making love to this gorgeous looking man would feel like.

**How his large hands would feel as they softly caressed her skin, how his lips would...**

**STOP IT!** It was insane to think like that. She tried to reason, but what really shocked her was the possibility that she would love every second of it…

**Was that a memory returning or simple wishful thinking?** Buffy quickly closed the thought down. She noticed that Angel was looking at her with a quizzical statement but nothing on earth would make her divulge that little thought.

"I am tired and my foot hurts a little" Buffy admitted, and on reflection, agreed that she would feel better after a rest.

Leading the way up the stairs, Angel picked up her small bag and showed her to the master bedroom.

"This is your room" he told her placing the bag on the floor next to the door.

"My room…?"

Seeing the questions start to rise again in her large hazel eyes Angel quickly continued, "Under the circumstances I thought I'd move into the guest room, for the time being at least. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in your own home, Buffy"

**That makes sense**

Buffy accepted the answer and nodded in gratitude.

"Besides, I snore" Angel added as an afterthought.

Buffy's eyes widened.

This time he was teasing and they both knew it.

"I have a strange feeling you don't" Buffy found herself laughing at the change of mood.

Angel went to step back but changed his mind. Almost hesitantly he raised a hand and reached out. Gently, he stroked a stray lock of blonde hair that had escaped the pins Buffy had used that morning to style it.

"You changed your hair, looks nice" He whispered and leaned forward.

Buffy didn't move, she watched in awe as his fingers slipped slowly down her hair and then moved to her cheek. Gently running his thumb across what remained of her stitches, he sighed deeply.

"You're still the most beautiful woman I've ever met" Angel's voice was deep with sincerity.

Buffy looked up into his face and couldn't miss the faint blur of tears that shimmered in his eyes. At the intensity shining there, she shivered.

Misreading her reaction Angel dropped his hand and looked down. When he looked back his feelings were carefully masked again. More determined than ever to resist the temptation he felt pulling his heart apart. He took a deep breath but it did nothing to dispel the tension that was knotting his stomach.

Remaining as neutral as possible, Angel replied with a clear conscience.

"There's nothing to be afraid of here, Buffy. You're perfectly safe. I would never hurt you."

Her reply was instantaneous.

"I know"

Considering she couldn't remember spending a single second of her life with him, the answer sounded strange, but in her heart Buffy knew it was the only reply she could give.

Liam was sometimes cold and uncaring but she felt deep inside that he hid a gentle soul.

Opening the bedroom door Angel stood back and waited for her to pass inside.

"If you need me for anything, just shout. My room's just down the hall" Unconsciously, his tone softened.

He then shoved his hands deep into his trouser pockets and turned away.

"Thank you," Buffy whispered as she watched him leave. When he was completely out of sight, her small hand rose to her cheek and rested lightly over his touch. She could still feel the imprint of his warm fingers burn against her bruised skin.

Buffy tried to understand her feelings for this man. He frightened her and yet excited her at the same time. He really was a mystery and she couldn't read him at all.

She could feel the tension between them, it was almost tangible but only he knew the reasons why. Love or hate, one thing was for sure…. What ever the future held for them it certainly wouldn't be boring.

*****

Angel walked slowly down the stairs and headed straight for the small room he had converted into a study the year before. Closing the door behind him, he made his way across to the small desk in the corner and pulling out a large leather chair, he proceeded to sink exhaustedly into it's softness.

Yanking open the top drawer of his desk, he removed the small bottle of Scotch he found inside and ripped off the lid. Angel didn't even bother hunting for a glass. Talking a deep swig he felt the cool liquor burn as it swirled over his tongue and slipped easily down the back of his throat. It quickly coursed through his veins, reminding him that he really was still alive, even if at times he wasn't too certain.

**That's what women do to you. They suck the life out of you and leave you dry** He wasn't sure if it was bitterness or self-pity talking but whichever it was, he agreed whole heartily with the tiny voice in his head.

The whole trip had been a disaster.

Angel had convinced himself that the moment Buffy walked through the front door, the flood gates would open and the past would tumble around her like toy building blocks. But as he stared into her frightened, bewildered eyes, he knew she still didn't have a clue of what happened between them. Talking a second long swig from his bottle, Angel reached deeper into his desk drawer and drew out a small yellow envelope. Shaking it slightly, a single sheet of paper fell out and with it, a small golden ring. He didn't need to open the letter to know what it said. Every word had been carved on his heart.

**It's over. Don't even think of looking for me because I'm never coming back. I never want to see you again, not as long as I live. I'll never forgive you for this... Buffy**

Raking his fingers through his dark brown hair, Angel sighed in utter frustration. He picked up the small wedding ring and clasped it so tightly in his hand it almost drew blood.

"Forgive me for what, Dammit? All I ever did was love you, Buffy.."

Dropping his head down on to the desk, Angel held his wife's abandoned wedding ring firmly in his hand and sobbed.

Part 8

Buffy woke to a room flooded with warm golden sunlight. Utterly exhausted, she had forgotten to draw the curtains the night before so now the early morning light bathed the whole room with a soft warm glow.

Momentarily disorientated with her new surroundings, she pulled herself up in the large double bed and took a deep breath of morning air. Slowly, images of the past few days trickled into her head. The hospital, the accident and then the tiring journey home.

**Home** That's what Liam, her *husband* had told her the night before. **She was home and safe and...** Buffy took a second deep breath to calm the rise of panic that had started to surge inside the walls of her chest. She might have returned *home* but she was still totally lost, confused and bewildered.

Running her hands through her loose, blonde hair, she looked around the pretty peach bedroom hoping that something would shout out from its hiding place and welcome her back.. When nothing did, a third calming breath was needed to squash the growing fear.

Just as she lost hope of ever finding anything familiar, the faint fragrance of roses drifted in through the window and Buffy knew without even looking, that the roses growing outside in the gardens below would be yellow. She liked yellow roses, she didn't remember why, but it was there in her memory, one of the few details about her past life that she could still cling too. There seemed so few of those memories left, but to Buffy, every one of them, no matter how small or insignificant were unbelievably precious.

These tiny scraps from her past were all that were keeping her sane.

Her sister's name, her mother's face, the outside view of her house and...** Angel** Buffy sighed, she'd recognised the face and somehow she remembered that part of his name. **Now if only I could remember the real person, the man behind the angry mask**

"Easier said than done" Buffy spoke her thoughts aloud, safe in the knowledge that nobody else could hear her.

Turning her head towards the window, she caught sight of the small clock on the bedside cabinet. At 9.45.am, it wasn't as early as she'd first thought. After putting off the inevitable for as long as possible, Buffy knew she had to get dressed and go and greet the new day. But it wasn't the thought of the new day that bothered her, more the thought of spending that day with Liam. Their first day together completely alone…

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, Buffy stopped for a moment and studied how thin they looked. Whilst in hospital, there was too much on her mind to really pay attention to her body, even though the subject of her weight loss had risen on more than one occasion. But now there was no hiding from the truth. Standing gingerly on her still painful leg, she moved slowly across the room and stood before the full-length mirror on the front of her wardrobe door. Raising her eyes she took notice of her frail appearance for the first time.

At the reflection staring back, Buffy shuddered. She could see her body properly now and it scared her to death. She wasn't just slim, she was skinny, almost a bag of bones.

"No wonder Liam couldn't bear to touch me" Buffy sighed softly as she ran her hand lightly across her small chest and prodded her protruding ribs with her fingertips.

She wasn't sure why, but the thought bothered her. It didn't matter how hard she tried not to, Buffy found herself thinking about Liam more and more. There was just something about him that terrified and excited her at the same time.

Her dreams were filled with jumbled visions but one thing stood out from the chaos more than anything else ... his eyes. Not seething with anger or cool with indifference. The deep brown pools filling her dreams that night had burned with real passion.

**Passion? **

As she struggled to remember the dream, Buffy couldn't be certain if it was just her imagination playing games with her, or something a lot deeper.

**Was the lost part of her memory finally rising to the surface? Could it break through and return while she slept? ** Doctor Walsh had thought so and the possibility that he was right brought a new wave of joy to her heart.

But the joy was momentarily put to one side as her thoughts returned to deep brown, enigmatic orbs.

Raising her hand to the cheek that Liam had caressed the night before, Buffy sighed softly. Just the thought of his fingers caressing her cheek brought a healthy pink flush to her face. No matter how much she wanted to deny it, there was definitely a spark between the two of them, something resembling an electrical current passed through her body whenever he touched her skin. If she really did have to wake up in a void world, with a stranger for a husband, Liam Angelus wasn't such a bad catch. **In a drop dead, gorgeous way**

"Now, if only I could remember him, " Buffy told her reflection with a soft smile. "And remember why those beautiful eyes always look so cold" she added as an afterthought.

**You were away for over three months** As his words returned and lingered inside her head, Buffy found herself once again questioning the reason for her absence. She was still not happy with Liam's reply and made a mental note to ask him about it later, once she got dressed that was.

**Dressed** Buffy blushed again as she glanced at her near naked form.

Too tired the night before to worry about anything but sleep, she had kicked off her shoes, dropped her jeans and shirt casually over a chair and crawled into bed wearing just her underwear. Now, standing in front of the mirror almost naked, she decided that getting showered and finding some clean clothes were definitely the first priorities of the day. On that thought, Buffy opened the closet door and after viewing its contents for a few seconds, she stood back in horror.

This time she was more than a little confused

"So were the hell are my clothes?" She mumbled, as her hands reached up and flicked through the endless rows of naked hangers.

Moving to the drawers on her left, she found the same thing. Buffy struggled to understand. This was supposedly her home, her bedroom and yet there was nothing here that proved she'd ever spent a single day in this room. The dressing table was also completely bare. No photos, no toiletries, nor make up, not even a hairbrush.

Noticing the small bag that Liam had brought back from the hospital, Buffy unzipped it and withdrew a fresh set of underwear. She eyed her jeans and shirt still lying on the chair in the corner and, although they had been worn to travel home in the day before, Buffy was grateful that at least she wouldn't have to walk around the house almost naked. Collecting the garments in her arms, she walked across the room and stood at the bedroom door. Reaching out, she placed her hand on the handle only to hesitate again before pulling it open.

"Now, if only I remembered where the hell the shower was?" she grumbled in frustration before finally walking out.

*******

Meanwhile

Angel was sitting at the kitchen table holding a cup of strong black coffee in one hand and flicking through the newspaper with the other. Although he looked deeply engrossed in the sports pages, he wasn't concentrating on any article in particular, especially after spending the whole night lying awake. After finishing the bottle of scotch in his study, Angel had pulled his weary body up the stairs to their small guest bedroom and collapsed in a heap on the tiny single bed.

The alcohol flowing through his blood stream did little to help his mood, if anything; it left him feeling even more frustrated. As the endless dark hours slipped silently by, all Angel could do was stare up at the ceiling and wonder for the millionth time how their once perfect marriage had disintegrated all around them, without him noticing a single crack in the paint work.

Sleep was impossible.

No matter how hard Angel tried, his imagination refused to allow him one moment of peace as it ran riot with images of Buffy.

**Wife?**

** Friend?**

** Lover?**

**Bitch?** It simply hurt too much to decide.

The woman who had stolen his heart with a single glance and had broken it just as quickly, lay sleeping just a few feet along the corridor. Twice that night, Angel had forced himself away from her bedroom door only to return to his cold empty bed, feeling utterly disgusted with his weakness. Although he knew it was wrong, he couldn't help himself. With Buffy being home again and sleeping in a room so close by, his body burned for her, a low ache in his stomach twisted so tight he wanted to scream.

**But She doesn't want you**

**She left you**

**The bitch even had the audacity to blame you**

Angel pulled the pillow over his head to cut out the annoying voices in his mind, but they simply wouldn't quit. All night long, with a little help from the alcohol in his system, he tortured himself in a desperate need to control his emotions. He tried everything to remind himself he no longer cared. but his heart knew it was a lie and the torture continued.

**You want her**

**You need her**

** You love her. **

Angel jerked upright in bed, his face strained and tiny beads of sweat peppering his brow.

It didn't matter if she hated him; nothing mattered at 2.am but the pain in his chest and the ache in his groin.

Climbing out of bed for a third time, the tormented man threw open the small closet door and without even looking, he reached inside and removed a pale yellow bathrobe from its hiding place. Holding it close to his face he breathed deeply and the faint smell of Buffy flooded his senses and melted down the steel wall surrounding his heart. Falling back on his bed, Angel held Buffy's old robe against his cheek and tried desperately to shut out the pain he was feeling. He knew it was insanity to lower his defences but, after months of being alone, he needed to forget the emptiness that threatened to suffocate him and just this one night let his heart drown in the smell of her scent.

**You really are a big, stupid, dumb ass**

**Liam, be careful, please, please be careful this time**

**Don't worry, sis. She won't break my heart a second time**

His sister's voice of warning was clear in his mind, but it didn't help.

Angel wanted to be strong, he longed to cut Buffy Angelus out of his heart once and for all, but in the early hours of that morning, he discovered he couldn't lie to himself any more. He loved her, he always had and, sadly, he always would…

Tomorrow his strength would return, with the sunlight he would remember the anger, the disappointment and the hatred.. But not tonight, tonight he just wanted to hold part of her.

Sleep never came, but as Angel lay in the darkness with the scent of his lost love by his side, he found the spark of comfort he needed to get through the rest of the night...

It was probably a mistake but for a few hours it was enough.

******

"Hey!" Buffy's small voice broke into his thoughts and snapped his attention right back to the present. Without looking up, Angel folded the newspaper and placed it on the table. When he did raise his eyes his breath caught deep in his throat at the sight before him.

"Did you... Did you sleep well?" Angel asked, needing to do something, anything to stop losing himself in her eyes. Standing up, he pulled out the nearest chair and indicated for her to sit down.

"Yes, thanks. I didn't think I would, but I must have been exhausted because I slept like the dead last night." Buffy accepted the offer of the chair and when she looked up, she couldn't fail to notice the dark rings that circled his eyes. She surmised that Liam hadn't been as fortunate with sleep as she had.

Even with his head down, Angel could feel her warm gaze wash over his face. He had showered and shaved that morning but he knew after drinking a bottle of scotch and failing to sleep, he wasn't looking his best His wife on the other hand looked amazing.

"I see you found the shower" He reluctantly turned his head and met her gaze

Buffy nodded her head.

Her long blonde hair was still wet and Angel watched in awe as tiny droplets of water sparkled like silver as they dripped unnoticed onto her skin.

After everything that had happened, she still took his breath away.

Buffy was completely unaware how beautiful she looked, sitting there with the morning sunlight caressing her skin. But Angel noticed, he noticed everything. He observed the way the golden light danced gently across her large hazel eyes, the way her breasts swelled against the thin material of her shirt .....

**The way she shuddered when you touched her** That thought hurt more than he wanted to admit and the flicker of despair he felt lingered.

"Liam, I was..." Buffy started to question her lack of clothing but was cut off before she could reach the end of her sentence.

"What would you like for breakfast. I could fix you some cereal or maybe something hot. I do a mean scrambled eggs," Angel asked, dragging his hungry eyes away from her body. She was thinner now but there was still enough of her curves to set his blood on fire.

Buffy was about to refuse, seeing that her appetite had disappeared along with the rest of her past, but as she opened her mouth to speak, she remembered how thin she'd looked in the bedroom mirror and knew that her body couldn't afford to lose any more weight. It didn't matter that she wasn't hungry, from now on she would force herself.

"Thanks, eggs would be great" she accepted gratefully then as an afterthought added "But shouldn't I be doing the cooking?"

Angel blinked at the unexpected question

"We don't have that sort of marriage, Buffy. We both work, so we both share the cooking.. Besides, until you remember where everything is kept, it will be quicker if I do it" He walked to the refrigerator and removed a large carton of eggs. Moving easily around the large kitchen, Angel then set about preparing the meal.

As Buffy watched helplessly from her seat at the table, her frustration continued to grow. He was right, she didn't have a clue where anything belonged. This was her kitchen, her home and yet she felt like an intruder.

She had no memory, no past and now no belongings.

Buffy knew she didn't belong here anymore, but until she found out who she really was, she didn't belong anywhere else...

Go to Part Nine