Rating: umm...I'm thinking along the lines of PG...in the meantime. Who knows what the future might bring:).
Disclaimer: nope, last time I checked, nothing was mine.
Spoilers: well...better safe than sorry: everything up to the end of season 3 can be spoilery.
Synopsis: I have a strange drive to rewrite season 3 of BtVS. I just don't seem to like the way it ended...beats me why. Anyway, so despite the fact that the original plan was to begin with "Helpless" (that's around the time everything really started getting screwed up B/A-wise), as you can see, plan's changed and I'm going to start with "Anne". If you expect to find in this series events/quotes from the original season....I seriously mean it - I'll try my hardest keeping them to the very minimum. But all in all - it's probably a yet another attempt to end the season on a more "positive" B/A level. See how it goes:).
Pairing: the conventional ships: B/A, W/O, C/X. If I decide to torture any/all of them, you'll be the first to know:).
Distribution: ask first.
Feedback: please, yes, please.

I can't remember darkness
Except a dream
You saved my life
Do you wonder what you saw
Floating softly at the Niles edge

- Vast, "The Nile's Edge"

***********

"Giles, you in here?" Buffy called her Watcher as she walked into the library. The place appeared to be empty of people, but the Slayer knew better than that. "Giles?!" she repeated his name, louder this time, while approaching his office.

Her purposeful walk came to a halt the second she reached the door, and descried her Watcher. He had clearly fallen asleep while reading, seeing as his arms were folded on a large open tome, pillowing his head. The blonde drew back the hand that was about to open the door and hesitated. The last thing she wanted was to intrude on his slumber, and the fact he had fallen asleep in his office instead of at home, only showed how tired he must have been. She was familiar all too well with that Giles would spend hours atop hours reading books twice as big as that one he had already known by heart even when there was no essential need to go over their content, thus it never necessarily meant something crucial was going on. But fact remained he had been reading, whatever his reasons and motivations had been, and was now sound asleep. Buffy simply didn't have the heart to wake him up.

Her concerned eyes wandered downward to the small piece of paper in her hand, and she crimped it with fidgety fingers, as she gazed back up, intently peering through the glass window at the sleeping man. Wasn't Giles the one who had taught her to always be on the alert, trust her instincts, pay extreme attention to every little thing, as trivial as it might seem, *because* she was the Slayer?

Buffy swallowed. She had to do it. She knew she had to, because until she did, the fears that had recently started creeping into her would never leave her. And there was more to it than that…something she wasn't even able to explain…something that demanded it would be done now and wouldn't be putt off for later.

She drew in a deep unsteady breath, and turned the knob open, quietly proceeding into the dim office.

"Giles?" she whispered, shaking the Englishman's shoulder in attempt to wake him up. "Giles, wake up," she tried again.

Ultimately, the Watcher stirred and wearily lifted his head to peer at the blonde Slayer. He blinked several times, then squinted at the girl, as if not fully ware of that being her. He reached one hand for the glasses that must have fallen during his sleep and fixed them on his nose, rubbing the small of his back with his other hand to ease his muscles.

"Buffy?" he blinked again, seemingly only now acknowledging whom it was.

The blonde grinned in response. "Good morning."

"M-morning?" he looked around himself, loosening his already slack tie. "What time is it?"

"Almost seven…PM," she replied, after checking the clock across the room for him.

Giles stood up, fidgeting with his rumpled clothes in a dull attempt to straighten up his appearance, and went to make himself some coffee.

"I'm…sorry I woke you up," the blonde landed into his emptied chair, unfolding the note and looking down at it intently as she spoke.

The Englishman waved his hand over his shoulder. "W-what did you want?" he stammered, not completely awake yet.

Buffy sighed, not saying anything, and when he rotated to look at her, reached out the hand holding the piece of paper, wordlessly asking him to take it.

Giles accepted it from her and mindfully read the written. After the first time, he frowned and gazed up into Buffy's eyes with a silent question, but then looked back down and readjusted his glasses, and read it again. Finally, he put it aside on his desk and focused on the Slayer. "Where did you get it?" he asked.

"I heard it," was her quick reply, her tone telling him she knew even less than he did. "Or at least I think I heard *it*," she amended after a pause. "You know how I get with foreign languages…which one is that, anyway?"

"Um…Latin…so it seems." Giles shook his head, glancing down at the words he had earlier read and then back at the Slayer. "Where did you hear it?"

"What does it mean?" she asked her own question, and he knew he wouldn't receive any further information until he gave her what she wanted.

"It means," he faltered, rubbing his forehead nervously, "if I'm not mistaken…it means 'I'm a murderer'…." He looked back at her again, "Buffy, *where* did you hear that?" Taking in the suddenly shattered look in her eyes, his formerly firm voice softened. "Was it Angel?" he probed. "Did you hear that from him?"

The Slayer nodded silently, biting her lip as though she was about to burst into tears. "He had…he had a dream," she randomly gestured with her hands as she spoke, as if trying to recover forgotten words, "a nightmare…or not exactly a nightmare," she averted her gaze momentarily to forestall a sob, then continued, "and he…he muttered some things. I couldn't understand them, but I," she motioned abstractly at the note, "I wrote that one down…" she looked directly at the Watcher and whispered huskily, "it seemed important."

"I'm so sorry," Giles said softly, not really knowing if these were the right words, but he didn't seem to know any other at the moment. "Maybe you should…maybe you should give him some more time to…"

"I know," she cut him short, holding up her hand. "I know what I need to do, it's just…I can't stand seeing him…"

"I know," he nodded.

Buffy nodded, too, standing up. "I better go now," she informed quietly, making her way towards the door.

"You're going patrolling now?" her Watcher queried, his voice trimmed with concern. "Perhaps you should wait a couple of hours?"

The blonde shook her head. "Angel is…waiting for me, outside," she gestured at the entrance to the library.

Giles' head shot up in irrepressible alarm, for which he soon regretted.

"Outside the school," Buffy assured him. "Giles, it's okay, I'm not stupid. And you don't need to pretend around me," she offered a small weary smile. She knew he was trying his best for her sake, not to make offensive remarks concerning her vampire lover, but she also knew the mere thought of Angel in the same room with him wasn't something Giles could endure just yet. "Anyway," the Slayer added with a shrug. "It was his idea to wait outside. He's not…" she briefly grimaced, looking down to the floor, "ready…yet."

******

"Angel?"

The vampire looked up from the ground at the person the timid voice belonged to, fighting the instinctive urge to stand up, though he had already known who it was. He came across her gaze for only a moment before hastily looking back down.

The nightmare he had had earlier that day was still vivid and fresh in his mind and the lucid memories of his demon's past sins seemed to be haunting him like never before whenever he dreamt of them happening. For hours afterwards, he wasn't able to let go, no matter how much he struggled to be released from their claws. He had never told Buffy about what he was seeing in his nightmares, and she knew to never ask, but he seldom wondered if he was doing the right thing. Maybe if he let her in, it would ease his burden. But then would come the inevitable question he was never able to answer – did he really want it to be eased?

He clasped his hands together, his eyes nervously darting back and forth over the pavement, when he sensed the girl approaching closer…and her companion.

"What the Hell are you doing here?" Xander demanded angrily. "What's he doing here?" he turned to his childhood friend, who grabbed his arm warningly, but he darted from her grasp. "If Buffy wants to keep him, there really is nothing I can do about that, neither she, nor her tamed fiend is my business anymore, but releasing him into the streets on his lonesome is *not* what I had in mind!" he spat.

"Xander, *leave*!" Willow commanded, pulling him away from Angel. "Now. *Leave*!" she pointed at the open road, holding his eyes in a firm glare for several moments, then looking back at Angel, whose eyes were still boring into the asphalt underneath his feet.

"Angel, what are you doing here?" the witch inquired tenderly, laying a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

Instead of looking up at her, he flinched from her touch like a wounded animal, but still didn't move from his seat on the step.

The redhead revolved to look at Xander. "Xander, go home," she requested again, more calmly this time. "You're not helping."

Her friend shook his head resolutely. "Unlike some, who I will leave nameless, I have a right to be in this world," he snapped. "*You* get him out of my sight, *then* I'll go home."

"Ange-" Willow turned back to the vampire, but found an empty space instead. Her eyes traveled upward, until they lay on his retreating back. "Angel, where are you going?"

"Leave me alone," he muttered in response, but her ears didn't pick it up and she called his name again. At that, he abruptly whirled around, and his glazed and wretched orbs lay on hers, causing her to make an unconscious step back, just as he cried out "Leave me alone!" again and strode off into the night.

But he didn't make ten steps, before bumping into a person. Angel wasn't able to make a clear image of her through the agony that dimmed his eyes, and shoved her off of him in an act of confusion and despair.

"Hey!" Faith yelled after him, closing the distance he had created between them in three long strides. That vampire wasn't nearly one of her favorite people on earth, and she had been doing all she could to avoid crossing his path, but it simply wouldn't be her, if she didn't get even with him for almost knocking her off her feet in front of Willow and Xander.

She grabbed his arm and whirled him around. "You think just cuz I got your girl on my back, you can screw with me?!"

Angel pushed her to the ground the second the last word left her lips. "Come on!" he growled, throwing his hands in the air, his tone reflecting both despair and anger. "You want it, *I* want it, so come on!"

The Slayer climbed to her feet, rapidly collecting herself after the unexpected attack. Before she was able to even ponder her next move, the vampire grabbed the wrist of her hand that was holding the stake and swiftly brought it up to his chest, holding it there. "Do it," he hissed, and she could almost perceive imploration in his voice, and in his dark eyes, that tore into her with heir anguish, revealed more and more through the veil of rage. "Do it!" he pressed the edge of the stake into his chest.

The brunette Slayer stared at him, her mouth slightly open in astonishment, for the first time in her life – truly lost. Would she have really done it, had she had her chance some months ago? She suddenly didn't know. The only thing she did know was that her hand didn't move an inch to drive the stake into his chest. She couldn't. She froze…for the first time in her life.

"Faith, don't!" her ears perceived Willow's anxious voice, but she didn't give any further notice to the redhead's existence.

Too many things happened that moment for her brain to process them all. While her mind was caught by Willow's scream, Angel fastened his grip over her wrist and shoved the stake into his chest, to the panicked cry of his name that came from his girlfriend, and that very moment, Faith pulled the stake back, kicking him in the abdomen.

"Not with my stake," she shook her head, panting, stepped back, not tearing her eyes from the fallen vampire.

Buffy toppled to her knees next to her boyfriend, gathering his body from the ground into her arms. Her eyelids heavily closed over the flow of tears, when he buried his face in her chest, securing his arms around her waist in an iron grip.

"Forgive me," he pleaded, burrowing deeper into her embrace, his voice shaking with heavy sobs, "please, forgive me…forgive me…"

******

"I love you," the Slayer uttered quietly, her voice pained and hoarse with tears.

"I love you," the vampire replied, completely oblivious to the salty trails down his cheeks.

"Close your eyes," she whispered softly, and turned away, unable to look at her lover. She knew what was about to happen, and she was unable to face its reflection in the softness of his eyes. And no matter how disoriented and confused he was, in the back of his mind, in a place even he wasn't aware of…he knew, too.

Angel obeyed, and Buffy took a step back, stealing one final glance at him before…

He gasped, his eyes flashing open, widening in astonishment and pain, as he cast them down on the sword protruding from his stomach.

She took a few more steps backwards, as far out of his reach as she could without it being too far. She still wasn't able to look at him, let alone meet his eyes.

"Buffy…" he softly uttered her name, an inaudible whisper even her ears barely picked up, "forgive me," he reached out his hand for her, his empty palm begging for hers to fill it, "forgive me…"

And Buffy looked up.

"Buffy?" he whispered her name again, but his voice changed since the last time. Panic entered his orbs, and it didn't come with the fear of death. It came because of something he saw in *her* eyes.

She accepted his hand, wordlessly, and folded it, wrapping his fingers around the handle of her sword. Averting her eyes, suddenly dry, to the side, she thrust the sword deeper into him, pushing him with it into the growing vortex.

*******

The Slayer opened her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks as she bolted up in bed, anxiously groping Angel's side with her hand even before she turned to check if he's there.

"Angel," she cried, shaking the vampire's shoulders, determined to wake him up, regardless the fact it had taken her over an hour to put him to sleep that night. She had abruptly completely forgotten about that, and about everything else that occurred that night, but the need to be held in his arms. "Angel, wake up," she implored, but it seemed to be to no avail. "Angel," she moaned, and crushed herself to his bear chest, gripping his flesh until her knuckles paled, her body trembling with sobs. "I'm sorry," she sobbed quietly, only easing down a bit when his arms finally closed around her, "I'm sorry…"

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