Rating: umm...I'm thinking along the lines of PG...in the meantime. Who knows what the future might bring:).
Disclaimer: nope, last time I checked, nothing was mine.
Spoilers: well...better safe than sorry: everything up to the end of season 3 can be spoilery.
Synopsis: I have a strange drive to rewrite season 3 of BtVS. I just don't seem to like the way it ended...beats me why. Anyway, so despite the fact that the original plan was to begin with "Helpless" (that's around the time everything really started getting screwed up B/A-wise), as you can see, plan's changed and I'm going to start with "Anne". If you expect to find in this series events/quotes from the original season....I seriously mean it - I'll try my hardest keeping them to the very minimum. But all in all - it's probably a yet another attempt to end the season on a more "positive" B/A level. See how it goes:).
Pairing: the conventional ships: B/A, W/O, C/X. If I decide to torture any/all of them, you'll be the first to know:).
Distribution: ask first.
Feedback: please, yes, please.

Alone
Do you regret
Regret what you did
Running softly
Softly from the Niles' edge
Alone

- Vast, "The Niles' Edge"

****

"Open!" Faith yelled as a response to the knock on her door and turned off the TV, tossing the remote on the bed.

"Why, look who's come to visit," she smirked at the blonde Slayer, while she was closing the door behind her. "What's up, you wanna shove me against the wall a few more times?" she folded her arms on her chest, but made no move to get up.

Buffy sighed, and made a few steps closer to the bed. "You beat him up pretty bad," she said quietly, her eyes holding the other Slayer's gaze. "You hurt him a lot."

After a beat, Faith spoke, her face completely straight. "Still not feeling guilty."

Buffy pursed her lips, averting her eyes for a moment. When she looked back, her orbs glazed with tears, but they didn't reflect in the tone of her voice. "Why?" she simply asked.

Faith arched a brow. "I need a reason? Maybe you should have your Watcher read you up on what exactly the Slayer is, you might stumble upon a few reasons."

The blonde nodded, and cast her eyes to the floor. "For the last couple of days…I had to see my boyfriend…in pain," she gazed at the brunette, "because of you. But…all it did was to make me realize that…you failed." Buffy paused, her eyes studying a spot on the coverlet, then she frowned, and looked up again, facing her sister-Slayer. "You could never hurt him…more than I already have," she clinched her hands into fists, and sat down on Faith's bed, causing the brunette to move her legs to the side. "No one can," she shook her head.

Faith didn't say anything, only moistened her lips, silently beholding the blonde Slayer.

Buffy took a deep breath, and sniffled. "He wasn't in the position to fight you," she remarked, "and you knew that. You saw he couldn't fight back, he wasn't in the state to…to face a Slayer, or anyone at all. You knew that. Why did you hurt him, Faith?" her head sharply turned to the brunette, her eyes telling her she was genuinely trying to understand. "Why did you have to do that? Because he was an easy target? Because he was a vampire? Because he was a vampire I *cared* for? What has he ever done to you? I mean it, help me out here," she made a gesture with her hand towards Faith.

The brunette Slayer just gazed at her for a long moment, not saying anything, then groaned quietly. "Why did you come here? To hear me say that I'm sorry? Or just to let me know how much you hate me? Because I think you had that part covered perfectly when you practically smashed my head against that wall," she rubbed her neck.

Buffy looked at her, and smiled feebly. "I'm way past anger now, Faith," she promised. "That's pretty much why I'm here, I thought that I could maybe have some resemblance to a rational conversation with you. When I saw you beating him to death," she bit her lip, averting her gaze off into space, "I hated you. When I saw him in pain, after that…in the pain *you* caused him…I hated you with a passion I didn't know I had. But now," she looked back at the Slayer, "now, I just wanna try to understand…why."

"I think we both have things we want to understand," Faith spoke after a moment. "I, for once, would *really* like to understand why you're making such a big deal about it, why you're protecting him, how about we start there?"

"Why?" the blonde's lips curved up in a little smile. "You really still don't get it? There is no 'why' to it," she shook her head. "I love him."

"He's a vampire!" Faith protested. "Do you even realize you're protecting a mass-murderer?"

"It wasn't his fault," Buffy said quietly, slightly shaking her head.

"Oh?" Faith raised a brow mockingly.

"What his demon did wasn't his fault, and I'm sorry if you can't see that," Buffy supplied the curt explanation. "The *person* you attacked in the mansion, is a wonderful person, who never did anything to you, and he didn't deserve what you did to him. Do you know how strong he is once up to his full strength?" she flashed her a pointing grin. "Believe me, the outcome of it all could have been very different, if he had only healed completely. Would you have fought him then, Faith, knowing that?"

"What's your point?" the brunette wanted to know.

"Figuring out why your thrill comes from hitting people who can't hit back," Buffy answered.

"It's 'people' now?" Faith chuckled.

Buffy laughed, shaking her head.

"You don't even know me!" the brunette exclaimed abruptly from her place on the bed, causing the blonde to sharply look up. "You're passing judgement on me on the grounds of beating up your *vampire* pet!"

"Does the word 'love' mean *anything* to you?" Buffy retorted, allowing her so-far placid tone be somewhat consumed by anger. "And should I remind you the reason why I'm here? Because you tried to kill Angel without even giving it a second thought! On the grounds of *what* exactly, did he deserve to die?"

Faith didn't say anything, obviously knowing the blonde Slayer wasn't done yet.

"He's been to Hell," she said, her voice calm again. "He got there, because I sent him there, and because of me, he suffered centuries of atrocious torment, through which he already amended for things he *didn't* do, but you go tell him that. Do you know what his cruelest punishment is? It's not death. His punishment is living," she smirked ironically. "You kill him, they'll just bring him back again, they have a higher purpose, it seems."

"Who's they?" Faith asked.

"It's not the point," Buffy shook her head, not willing to get sidetracked. "You know that Angel was cursed with a soul, do you know why? So that every second of his life, he would live with the faces of Angelus' victims. *That* is his punishment. Death is…I wouldn't even say 'escape', because it's not. He's an outcast…from the world of humans, from the world of vampires," she chuckled, "from Heaven. There's no peace for him anywhere. Imagine what it's like," she mused inaudibly, looking down into her lap, "living without peace."

The brunette sighed, silently beholding the Slayer seated on the edge of her bed. She hated it. She hated the fact that that girl could dig deep down to her feelings with her words only, she hated being vulnerable. Vulnerable equaled weak, and Faith hated to be weak. She was the Slayer, she hated vampires, she killed them. And she always tried to be more than she could, especially in Sunnydale, where she felt the need to be even better, to top Buffy. She was jealous of what the blonde Slayer had, of her friends, of her Watcher, of her mother…of her lover. She was never much for love, she never let men get to her, mean something. She never let anyone do that. She had been trying to make her mark in the world, make the people around her, the people that belonged to *Buffy's* life, realize she was important, too. She certainly didn't feel very important when Buffy's secret was revealed, and what's more – others had been told, while she hadn't been.

It was hard for her to determine now where her rage had come from. She knew it had been there though. Some of it was *still* there, even after she had spent the last couple of days mulling over what she had done, obviously turning everyone against her. All she wanted was to belong, but by releasing her rage and acting upon impulse, she only pushed everyone away.

Was she sorry? She didn't know. It was too soon to tell yet. She knew what she had done wasn't among her smartest moves, and on some levels, wasn't just. Angel was off limits for her, in every aspect that counted, and she had known that when she had stormed out of the library, just as she had known that when she had held her stake in her hands, ready to drive it through the vampire's heart. But she had done the deed regardless. She hadn't cared enough back then.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, keeping her eyes down, instead of at the person she was apologizing to, the words feeling strange on her lips.

The blonde gazed at her for a spell, then offered a small smile in return. She knew it was only a first step, and maybe while uttering these words, Faith didn't really mean them, but she could see in the Slayer's eyes she truly wanted to fix the damage she herself had caused, and she deserved to be given a chance. Angel would have given it to her, had he been there. "I appreciate that," she acknowledged, not quite sure if these should have been the right words.

Faith nodded. "Maybe I…screwed up...with that," she tried to built the sentence despite her sudden loss of words. "But…" she finally looked up, "don't expect me to accept, or to be a part of...of what you do."

Buffy nodded in understanding. "I'm not. And you…don't have to. You don't have to accept everything I do. But not accepting it doesn't give you the right to hurt the man I love. You, at least, owe him a chance."

"I'm not sure I'm ready to give chances," the brunette declined the suggestion. "And honestly, I'm not so sure he's ready to give *me* any."

The blonde grinned. "Angel doesn't hold anything against anyone. As much as it might be one of his virtues, it's definitely one of his flaws. I'm sure if you show up stake-less…"

"I won't hurt him," Faith cut in, "but I won't be protecting him either. And we won't be friends. At least, not yet. You can't ask me that."

"Okay," Buffy nodded in acceptance. "I understand that."

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