Part Four

"What are you saying?" Cordelia questioned maybe the hundredth time.

Buffy groaned. *She's not dense, is she?* "Why do you think I'm telling you that? Because I don't know how to handle it myself. I don't know what's going on with him."

"Why are you flipping over a nightmare? THAT'S what I don't get."

"It wasn't JUST a nightmare, Cordelia," Buffy spoke very slowly, "if it were just a nightmare, I'd drop it. He has a problem…"

"As we all," Cordelia interrupted.

"God, can you at least PRETEND at being serious? Don't you care at all?"

"This is Angel we're talking about," Cordelia tried to explain her uncharacteristic indifference.

"I know! But it doesn't change the fact that it's not something to be ignored."

Cordelia sighed. "Maybe we're overreacting here. Maybe it's not a problem at all, maybe he's just scared. You would be, if you were in his condition," she pointed out.

"Maybe. But even so…I don't know. I…you should have seen him, I mean…I walked into his room this morning, and he was having this nightmare…"

"Crying out 'don't leave me alone' and stuff, you told me. Probably, more than a dozen times."

"Oh, good, now I know you were listening," Buffy berated.

Cordelia smirked at that comment.

"He has this fixation…" Buffy tried to pick her words carefully, "I think…about everyone leaving him. And I don't know why."

"I told you why, he's scared."

"Angel? Angel had lived alone for decades, and now he's suddenly scared of it? Even regarding the situation, but it's still uncharacteristic. You gotta admit."

"Okay, let's pretend I share your concerns."

Buffy grinned.

"What are you suggesting?"

The slayer sighed. "I tried talking to him, it doesn't help. He wouldn't listen. It's like it comes through one ear and leaves through the other. It's like he doesn't WANT to listen. He barely lets me out of his sight, metaphorically speaking, and it's not that I need space, it's more that I'm concerned for him. He's developing dependence on other people, and he mustn't. ESPECIALLY not in his current state."

"So, what are you planning to do? You wanna throw him into the water and see if he drowns or not? You think THAT'S gonna help? I can't believe it has just come out of your mouth!"

"Because it hasn't! No, I don't wanna do that. I'll never do that. I gave him my word, I promised him million times he WOULDN'T be left alone, not by anyone, and especially not by me, but it was the same as talking to a wall, Cord. He wouldn't listen."

"So you want me to talk to him too," Cordelia completed Buffy's thought.

The Slayer nodded. "Yeah. It's worth a try. It's just too important to let it pass. I think it's becoming more of a matter of self-reliance. He's stopped believing in himself, stopped thinking about himself as a worthy individual. That's what worries me the most."

"And it surprises you?" she asked the blonde as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"God, would you PLEASE stop referring to him as if he were disabled?!"

"He IS disabled, Buffy. It's about time you saw that too. He obviously does, that's why he's acting like that."

"He's the same person he was a few days ago."

"Only blind. Look, Buffy, I think it's time for you to quit the denial and acknowledge some facts. He's never going to be THE SAME again. He has different needs now, and you should start being attentive to them."

"You think I'm not?"

"Are you? So why are we having this conversation?"

"Because you seem to think that dependency is a healthy way of life, while I'm trying to help him back into the world."

"Have it ever crossed your mind that dependency is the ONLY way of life for him now?" Cordelia inquired. "Blind people live everyday, just like other people, and one day he will too, but right now, he can't. Right now, he needs you, because he thinks there are so many things he's not able to do anymore, while he's just afraid to try and find out that he can."

"And that's exactly what I'm doing here. I'm showing him that he can do it, if he only wants to. But it seems sometimes like he doesn't. I don't want to see him like that, Cordelia, it breaks my heart every time anew. He IS scared, and he IS confused, and do you have any idea what it does to me seeing the man I love go through that Hell and there's nothing I can do?"

"Do you know how much you're doing for him just by being with him?" Cordelia smiled supportively. "He's distanced us all from him, and you are the only one he trusts now. Do you ever stop to think about how much it means to him that you're here? That you DIDN'T desert him? That's the problem you're so worried about, don't you see? The only thing he's scared from is not having you here anymore."

"So why isn't he saying something?" Buffy asked after a moment of silence.

"Something like what?" Cordelia grinned, knowing.

Buffy chuckled. "I don't know, let's see, 'I want you here', 'I'm glad you're here', something like that maybe?"

"Do you need him to say this?"

The Slayer bit her lip. "Sometimes…I feel like that's the only reason I'm staying. To hear him say those words to me eventually."

Cordelia beamed slightly. "What significance do words have when you know what's in his heart?"

"Do I?" Buffy arched her brows. "For all I know, he still hasn't forgiven me for keeping away all these years, and frankly, I can't really blame him."

"Angel is like a brother to me," the brunette told her, "and I can easily admit I can be sometimes overprotective whenever it comes to do with him. By the way, I'm sorry I gave you a harsh time back then in the hospital…"

"I deserved it," Buffy acknowledged.

"You got that right," Cordy continued, "so, what I'm saying is that I've forgiven you. If I could, Angel definitely can. And besides, the guy is incapable of hating you, trust me. There is nothing in this world you can do that will make him see you in a bad light. That's just the way he is, Buffy, and there's no one who knows him better than you, not even himself, so you shouldn't ever doubt that."

Buffy beamed. "You know, on the first day we arrived in this house, he invited me to sleep in his bed," on seeing Cordelia's face she rephrased, "just share it during the nights, Cordelia, nothing more."

"Oh," Cordelia let out a breath of relief.

"Yeah, well…." Buffy sighed. "I still sleep on the couch."

The brunette chuckled. "And you blame him for being distant, did I get that right?"

"I'm just saying it would be nice if he told me what he feels for me, that's all."

"You mean, that he loves you," Cordelia corrected.

"No, I don't mean that, even though I want that. I never expected to jump back into his life after five years, and having him say he loves me only after a few days," she admitted, somewhat bitterly.

"Don't you know by now that he does?"

"Does what?"

"Love you. Why do you need to make him say it out loud? You never needed him to say what he felt before," Cordelia observed gently.

"Well, things change," Buffy replied, "maybe it's BECAUSE it has been so long, that I need him to say these words to me. Maybe…maybe I've just missed hearing him say them, maybe it's because I wanna tell him the same but I'm afraid he'd turn me down."

"Talk about self-reliance," the brunette noted.

"Not funny," Buffy muttered.

"Wasn't trying to be. It's you who should trust him a little more, don't you think?"

Buffy groaned. "All I want is for him to say the words, I just, I want…"

"The things to be the way they used to. You want the same fairytale you wanted at seventeen. The happily-ever-after Buffy and Angel story."

Buffy shook her head. "It doesn't matter what I want," she ended this discussion. "Cord, could you watch over him? Stay here for a few hours?"

Cordelia nodded. "Where to?"

"Sunnydale," Buffy informed, "I wanna lock the house and transform most of my stuff over here." She glanced at her watch. "He'll be asleep for a while longer, but when he wakes up, tell him I'll be back in some hours. Get Gunn here," Buffy beamed and shrugged, "to keep you company."

Cordelia grinned. "If I weren't so predictive, I would hit you."

Buffy merely smiled and left through the door, grabbing her car keys on her way out.

****

"Willow," Buffy acknowledged, finding her friend sitting on the sofa in HER house, the moment she entered the living room. "What are you doing here?"

"Spare key," Willow waved the said object in front of the Slayer.

"How did you know I was coming today?" Buffy asked cautiously, proceeding into the room.

"Prediction," Willow shrugged, then rose from her seat, following the Slayer around the house as she was, without wasting any time, packing everything essential to take with her to LA for a permanent staying. "You never called back," she pointed out.

"I didn't see the need. I didn't feel like calling back only to hear you yelling at me for throwing away the best thing I ever had. Cordelia imparted everything you told her, which sums up everything we could have talked about if I had called."

"You ARE throwing everything away, Buffy. You…"

"DON'T even dare to start!" Buffy held up her hand. "I don't remember having asked for an approval. Incase you haven't noticed, it's MY life."

"So, you think I'll stand aside and watch you throw it away?"

"You can always look the other way," Buffy started ascending the stairs towards her bedroom. "As I said, I never asked for your approval. Not yours, not Xander's and not Giles'. So, stay out of it."

"You're making a fault."

"And you're sounding like my mother," Buffy retorted.

Willow couldn't speak for a spell. "You're twenty-five years old," she breathed out.

"What does this have to do with my age?"

"You have an entire future ahead of you, and you're…"

"Oh, I know where you're going with that!" Buffy cut her short, chuckling bitterly. "I have my entire future ahead of me, and I'm planning on wasting it on taking care of my now blind ex-lover, did I get you right?"

Willow looked down. "I didn't say this."

"You didn't have to!" Buffy spat out. "God, Willow, you…you sicken me! How can you conjure something like that in your mind? Don't you even have a little compassion in your heart left? What the Hell happened to you over the years? What happened to my best friend?" she lowered her voice. "I don't know you anymore."

"I'm trying to make you see what's right," Willow strove to make her friend understand. "You haven't seen each other for years. I…I'm sorry for Angel…"

"Sorry?" Buffy laughed. "Oh, you're sorry! Well, that's good, isn't it? You have no idea what he's going through, so you better keep your sorry's to yourself, ESPECIALLY when you don't mean them!"

"I'm sorry for him," Willow went on, "but why…why do you have to go? Why do you have to be the one to make so many sacrifices?"

"Helping the man I love through a crisis in his life is NOT making sacrifices!"

"You think it's gonna be so easy? You haven't seen the half of it yet, if you think so," the redhead tried to convince her friend, who had by now miraculously seemed to have finished packing.

Buffy stopped by her drawer, suddenly oblivious to Willow's words. In front of her there stood a framed photograph. She picked it up, smiling at the couple in it. She had almost forgotten how handsome he looked, years ago, on her prom night. How gently he held her that night, the last time in so long…so long she could barely remember how… Buffy shook her head, putting the photograph in one of her three enormous traveling bags. Then, she picked up the little silver ring, and the cross that lay next to it and pocketed them both.

"You're really leaving," Willow observed quietly.

Buffy didn't answer, only shouldered one bag, taking the other two in her hands, and headed out of the room. In the living room, she picked up another smaller bag and left the house.

****

Part Five

Smile an ever lasting smile
A smile can bring you near to me
Don't ever let me find you gone
Cuz that would bring a tear to me
This world has lost its glory
Let's start a brand new story
Now, my love
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say

"Good morning," Buffy greeted Angel with a smile when she entered his bedroom the following morning.

He was sitting up in his bed, gazing at nowhere in particular, also not turning his head towards her possible direction.

Buffy frowned, approaching the bed and perching down on it. "What's wrong?" she patted his arm.

"You left yesterday," he whispered.

"Where did I…oh." Buffy took his hand in hers. "I had to go back to Sunnydale, to pack some things, move here everything I might need. I'll go back again in a while, in a few weeks, maybe, but right now, I have everything I need," she smiled.

He nodded silently. "But why…why didn't you tell me?"

"What do you mean? I did tell you, I mean…I asked Cordy to tell you, didn't she?…" her voice trailed off.

"She did…only after I asked her."

"I'm sorry," she stroked his shoulder," you were sleeping and it was kinda a last-minute's decision, I couldn't bring myself to awake you."

"When she said…when she said you went to Sunnydale, I thought you were never coming back," he confessed.

"Why?" She stroked his cheek.

"Why not?" he questioned.

Buffy flinched. "What are you talking about?"

Angel smiled ruefully. "Smile for me," he requested.

Buffy complied, and he reached out his hand for her face. She took it in midway and placed it there.

Angel tenderly traced his fingers over her lips. "I don't see it," he acknowledged quietly, dropping his hand.

"Yes, you do," Buffy persisted instantly, reinstating his hand on her face and holding it there. "You remember my smile, don't you?" she leaned her face into his palm.

"There's nothing about you I don't remember," he sighed, "but it's…it isn't the same. I miss seeing your smile, I miss seeing your face…memories can't ever supplant it. Nothing can."

"You see me so much better than anyone else ever could, or would." She embraced him. "Blind or not."

Angel wrapped his arms around her and Buffy pulled herself to him, cradling against his chest. "Ask me to stay," she whispered, traces of hope she couldn't help tinted her voice.

"Stay," he followed, hugging her closer.

"Not like this," she said, "like you would ask me to stay six years ago."

It's only words
And words are all I have
To take your heart away

Angel sighed, not saying a word.

Buffy waited. She waited and it scared her to wait so long. It was one thing that he didn't just come out and said it, but having him not being able to voice it once she asked him to, that was another, and so much worse. THAT cut deep. A lot deeper than she ever thought was possible.

"I love you," Buffy whispered silently, after waiting had become too long. The moment these words escaped her lips, she sensed an inconceivable feeling of both ease and remorse. These three words meant so much to her, and they would never be able to be taken back after this. Never. Now, it was all up to him.

"I spoke to Cordelia," he finally uttered.

Buffy immediately tensed. "No, you didn't." she left his embrace, facing him swiftly.

"I did," he spoke calmly, but the dejection and rue in his voice were more than audible to her. She already knew what was to come next.

"You don't have to tell me what she said," Buffy precluded the upcoming, "I've had the full version already. From source one, no less."

"At least, she was honest, and she was right."

"Right," Buffy echoed.

"Yes. She opened my eyes," he chuckled bitterly at his own pun.

"Did she, then?" she inquired nonchalantly.

"She did. She pointed out some facts that…that were valid," he groaned, "and that I refused to see."

Buffy bit her lip, already then knowing she was fighting a losing battle. "Such as?"

"Such as that I shouldn't be keeping you here under these conditions, as my nurse, to watch me sink into depression. That you deserve more and that you're here because you want more, but I can't give it to you."

Buffy was speechless for a brief spell. "Did she…did she really say it?" she asked in a low, throaty voice, dreading the answer like one would dread fire. *She couldn't have…*

"No," Angel laughed hollowly, "but she said enough to help me reach the inference myself."

"Well, your inference is wrong!" she leaped from the bed, now anxiously pacing the room.

He groaned. "Listen to me, Buffy, you're twenty-five year old! Your entire life is ahead of you, don't throw it away because of me!"

"I'm not!" she yelled back, "I'm not, damn! What the Hell is wrong with you?! When the Hell are you gonna stop being so God-damn noble and start thinking about what YOU want?! And what I want? How come I never have a say regarding to what I want?! How come I always have to listen to what other people tell me?!"

"Is THIS what you want?!" he gesticulated towards himself. "You wanna play nurse for the rest of your life? Because this is what I guarantee you'll be doing if you stay! We aren't equals, Buffy, not anymore, so get it out of your head! We're NOT equals, and we'll never be again!"

She was crying by now. There were tears shimmering in her eyes and he didn't need to be able to see to know they were there."So…what?…" she swallowed. "I have to cut my eyes out now?" she asked softly, desperately.

His head snapped up, and for the first time in days, to the tears in his eyes was added an expression, and it was one of pained fear.

"Will that do?" she inquired. "Will that make us equals?"

"Go," he whispered, throatily, not hesitating for one second before uttering the curt and yet so final word.

"What?" she couldn't believe it.

"I said, go. Leave."

"Angel, you don't mean that…"

He climbed off the bed, but walked straight into a drawer on his way over to her. He grimaced momentarily, bending forward to press his hand to his bruised knee.

"Angel," Buffy started towards him, her voice once again soft, caressing.

"Don't," he instantly straightened and held up a hand in protest, "don't come any closer. Just…just leave." He started walking more carefully, groping his way through the furniture.

"Angel, I want to…"

"I don't need your help! I can do it on my own! I can do everything by myself if I want to!"

"I know. I know, I…God, I don't want to be here for your blindness, Angel, I want to be here for you. Don't you understand?"

"Leave," his voice abruptly cracked with his tears, "you're so good in staying away, well, just keep it up."

"Who are you?" Buffy asked in a small, broken voice, after a moment of shock.

Angel suddenly stopped his pace, leaning with one shoulder against the wall he'd been holding onto, then pressing his back to it and slowly sliding downwards to the floor. When he was sitting, he tiredly buried his face in his hands.

"Angel, I love you," Buffy whispered steadily, disregarding her tears.

Still no response.

She then turned around and exited the room.

After approximately fifteen minutes, she was in her car, on her way to Sunnydale, with her tears blurring her vision.

And he was still crying on the floor in his room.

Talk in ever lasting words
And dedicate them all to me
And I will give you all my life
I'm here if you should call to me
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say

****

"Hey, Will, wanna know why I'm calling?" Buffy tried to make her voice as steady as she could, but it was quivering with sobs. "No, Will, I'm alright! Great! Peachy! And you know what? Once I tell you why, you'd be thrilled!" her sobs increased and she violently brushed the tears from her puffy eyes, that stung both from the salty tears and the blasts of wind entering through the car's open window. "Shut up, Willow!" she yelled into the mobile phone. "I'm fine… Yes, I'm driving, so?!… No, actually, I CAN drive in my state, I'm almost reaching Sunnydale, for the matter of fact!… Why? Oh, that's when you'll be VERY happy! Angel blew me off… Oh, at least have the dignity to shut up when you don't mean that! And don't you dare waiting for me in my house, the only reason I called was to make your day!" she hung up, and pulled the car to a stop at the side of the road. Buffy turned off the engine and covered her face with her hands, her shoulders trembling with wild sobs.

It's only words
And words are all I have
To take your heart away

****

"Angel!" Cordelia screamed, running over to him, since he was still in the state Buffy had left him in when she left. "What the Hell happened here?" she squatted in front of him.

He slowly rose his face from his knees. His eyes wee no longer wet, but it was more than obvious they had been up till recently.

She pulled him up to his feet and walked him back to the bed, setting them both down.

"Now, tell me what happened," she encouraged.

"Nothing," he murmured.

Cordelia folded her arms on her chest. "You realize you're not getting out of this that easily, don't you?"

He didn't answer.

The brunette groaned. "Where's your girlfriend?" she asked, as if it were so obvious she was his GIRLFRIEND and that she would be there.

"I don't have a girlfriend."

"Oh, you don't have a girlfriend," she nodded, rolling her eyes, "of course you don't. Okay Angel, I'll rephrase, the little annoying blonde that's recently hanging around here nonstop. Where is SHE? Where is Buffy, Angel?"

"I don't know," he replied.

Her eyes widened. "You don't KNOW?"

He groaned, frustrated. "She left. Could you, please, do the same now? I don't need you. I don't need anyone. I just wanna be left alone. Is that too much to ask?"

"Oh, not this crap again! Damn it, I'm gonna kill that bitch," she grumbled, "I'm not leaving, I'm staying with him…" she mimicked, "and the first chance I get I run back to my soldier-boy." Cordelia was REALLY pissed now. The amount of pain her best friend had to take from the Slayer had just become A LITTLE too much.

"Leave her alone, Cordelia," he foreboded.

"Like Hell, I will!"

"It's not her fault," he sighed.

"What, you're telling me she didn't just get up and left?"

"She didn't really have a choice once I insisted she would," he murmured to himself.

Cordelia jumped from the bed. "You did WHAT?! Are you completely out of your mind?!"

"I listened to you, Cordelia. I listened to what you said, and…and I saw that you were right. So, I did what was right."

"What I said?! Don't you dare involving me into this, do you hear me?"

"I'm not. It was my decision to make, and I made it. It's my responsibility and mine alone. You had nothing to do with what happened."

Cordelia had calmed down in the meantime, and sat back on the bed next to him. She took a deep breath. "What…what did I say that…that led you to this decision?"

"Nothing that I didn't know before, but refused to accept."

She shot him a demanding glance he could feel through his blindness.

Angel also took a deep breath. "I told her I…I had no right to keep her here under these conditions…"

"You don't KEEP her here, she WANTS to be here."

"That I didn't want her to waste her entire life on taking care of me instead of finding a suitable husband…"

"My God, you're a moron!" Cordelia yelled exasperatedly. "What the Hell is the matter with you? You were like, the LAST person on this earth who I ever thought would be vanquished by his own stupid sense of pride! And don't you DARE to even TRY and excuse it for something else, it's me you're dealing now, buddy. Not your precious Buffy who can pretty much forgive and understand everything."

"I'm not vanquished by anything…" Angel tried to oppose.

"But you are!" she lowered her voice and moved nearer to him, laying a hand on his arm. "Angel, what you did was completely stupid, let's face this, okay? You let your male ego take over, and you hurt the woman you love as a result. Now, tell me it isn't so, I dare you."

Angel merely sighed.

"I don't get it," Cordelia threw her hands up in the air. "How could you be so dumb, I mean, if I said anything…whatever I said, I never even implied you should make her leave, I couldn't have. Angel, what's gotten into you?"

"I only tried to do what's right," he maintained, but inwardly was no longer so certain about it.

"Define 'right'. What is right for you, Angel? Having her crying there while you're crying here? Some right it is," she mocked.

"It IS right," he insisted, "for her, at least, in the long run. You saw Riley, didn't you?"

"Oh, yeah. The pleasure was all his. What does he have to do with anything?"

"He is good for her. God, he's so much better for her than I am," he laughed bitterly, "he's capable, he's strong, reliable, and I'm sure he cares a lot about her. He can protect her, can share her life, marry her, give her children…see her," he added in a whisper. "I can do none of those things, let's face THIS."

"Oh, shut up!" she shouted, even though it wasn't necessary because he'd already stopped giving away his little list of flaws. "She doesn't want Riley, she doesn't need him. She broke up with him, because the one man she would ever truly love is you, doesn't it say SOMETHING? The only thing this woman had ever wanted was for you to tell her you loved her, to ask her to stay. But no! You had to banish her BACK TO HIM instead! Is there a limit to how stupid men can be?!"

It's only words
And words are all I have
To take your heart away

Angel sat in silence for a very long moment. "It will be better," he whispered, a single tear sliding down his perfectly sculptured cheek, disclosing his true feelings. "In the end, it'll be better. She will forget eventually, and she will be happy. She will forget me. She has done it once already."

"That wasn't her fault! If anything, it should have taught you a very important lesson you obviously skipped. You don't let go of something as precious as your soulmate twice I a lifetime. Well, actually, it would be three times in your case, but…it is exactly my point, Angel, which is that YOU have done it one time too many. If you don't fix it now, you might as well never try to fix it, because she'd be lost on you. She might wait forever, but other men won't."

"I love her," he murmured, covering his face with his hands.

Cordelia beamed. "I know." She hugged him briefly. "Now, go get her."

Before he could say anything further, Angel felt his clothes slam against his face.

"Thank you, you're very gentle," he replied to that.

"Sorry," Cordelia's smile was evident in her voice. "Well, at least we got your sense of humor back…oh, wait, on second thought, you never had a sense of humor."

"Cordelia!"

"Right," she grinned. "I hope you don't mind me driving."

"Unfortunately, I don't have a choice."

This world has lost its glory
Let's start a brand new story
Now, my love
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say

****

"What the Hell are you doing here?" an angry voice greeted Angel when he knocked on Buffy's door.

This voice alone possessed the power to shatter every single one of Angel's dreams, leaving him an empty shell filled with nothing but countless broken hearts, and it wasn't because of the words this voice pronounced, but because of whom this voice belonged to.

Angel cast down his eyes. "Let me talk to her, Riley."

"Why should I?" Riley crossed his arms on his chest, inclining one shoulder against the doorframe. "You actually think I'll let you anywhere NEAR her after what you've done?"

"You don't know anything about what I've done."

"I know I found her crying when I came here, and that's way more than enough information for me."

Angel closed his eyes briefly, embracing himself for a short moment. "Don't do this, Riley," he finally said. "Don't get in the middle of this, let her decide."

Riley looked to the ground awkwardly.

"Angel."

Both men turned at the direction where that single soft word had come from.

Riley glanced once at his former girlfriend's face and silently stepped back, allowing the other man to enter the house.

Buffy descended the stairs and held Angel's offered hand in hers the second he was in the house. She looked up at him, trying to read his eyes, something she was once so good at and what now couldn't be done.

"How…how did you?…" she began.

"Cordelia," he answered her unasked question, "she's waiting outside in the car. Buffy, I…"

"Don't," she put her finger on his lips and swallowed. "Ask me to stay, Angel."

Angel opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it, his traditional half-smile lighting his handsome features. He went down on one knee, holding her hand in his and looking up at her. "I'm asking you to stay," he whispered, "forever." He brought her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles gently.

Buffy pulled him up to his feet, immediately wrapping her arms around him, burrowing her face in his chest. "Thank you," she whispered softly.

Angel planted a tender kiss on the top of her head, embracing her tightly. "I love you," he kissed her head again, "I always have, and I always will, and I don't want you to ever doubt it. Never."

"I love you too," she murmured against his chest.

It's only words
And words are all I have
To take your heart away

****

Part Six

"Riley," Angel greeted the man at the door. "Whatever brings you by?"

Riley chuckled. "You should be careful, man, it might actually look like you're feigning the whole blindness thing. You're sure it's not just an act, pal?"

Angel chuckled dryly. "You know what? That was really unnecessary, and really really low."

Riley looked down. "Then how else would you know straight away it was I?"

"If you really must know, your smell gave you in. and just for the record, I WISH I were feigning it. Every second of my life I pray I could feign it. You have no idea what it feels like, not to be able to see, so you might as well shut up, or at least, do me the courtesy of not mocking it in front of me."

"It was just a joke," Riley murmured, albeit his head was hung in mortification.

"So, joke elsewhere," Angel told him, plain and simple. "Weren't you going to come in?" he moved back, holding the door open.

Riley hesitated at first, then stepped in.

Angel proceeded into the living room, taking a seat on one of the couches there, and Riley perched on the other one.

"You seem to…move around…freely," Riley commented hesitantly.

"Takes practice," Angel replied, sighing and leaning backwards, "Buffy taught me where everything was, so the only thing that was actually up to me was to avoid hitting it."

"Right," was all the blond could think of that moment. The conversation was awkward enough already, and it hadn't even begun yet.

"Help yourself, if you want anything."

"I'm good," Riley waved his hand 'no', but soon realized it was useless and ineptly put it back on his lap.

"I can guess why you're here," Angel started talking again after a short while.

"Can you, really?" Riley's head sprang up.

Angel laughed. "I'm blind, I'm not stupid."

"No, you're certainly not that."

"Well?"

"Well?" Riley reiterated.

"You want us to sit in silence forever, or you're gonna start talking in some point? Besides," a knowing half smile appeared on his lips, "Buffy's to be back soon, she's just out for some coffee with Cordelia. And call it a sixth sense, but I have a very strong feeling this conversation is NOT meant for her ears. Am I right?"

Riley sighed. "It's her I wanna talk about."

"I know," Angel said simply.

"Alright," Riley took a deep breath, "I want you to let her go."

The other man only smiled. "You do?"

"Yes," Riley voiced emphatically, "and you know why."

"I do?" again that same smile. "Yes, I do. So that you could have her."

"So she would have a life!" Riley remonstrated, warming up, "It has NOTHING to do with me!"

"Has it?" he queried in mocked wonder.

"I want her to have a life," he restated, "some kind of life, ANY kind of life. If she chooses me for it, so better, but at least she would be happy."

"And she isn't here? Have you ever bothered to ask her, or have you come up with it yourself?"

"THIS is NOT a life," he uttered through screeched teeth.

"Repeating my own words really isn't going to help your case, Riley."

Riley eyed him askance for a long moment. "How come you're so calm?" he asked then, quietly, prudently. "Only several weeks ago, YOU were the one who made her leave, from the same reasons, and now, you're acting as if you don't care at all."

"Many things can change within a few weeks, Riley. Even more can change within the couple of hours between when she had walked out of that door and until Cordelia and I did the same."

"What things?" he wanted to know.

"Wanna know what a very good friend of mine told me?" When he received no reply from the other man's direction, Angel went on. "She said that you don't let go of your soulmate twice in a lifetime, three in my case."

"Your…soulmate?"

"Yes, my soulmate. Have you ever met your soulmate, Riley? Have you ever had this feeling within you that tells you 'this woman is everything for me, she is my life, she is my happiness, my redemption, she's the one, my soulmate'…have you ever had this feeling? This little voice in your heart prompting you never let her go, and whatever voice there is in your head, you're just incapable of listening to?"

Riley was silent. No, to himself, he couldn't lie. No, he didn't know how it felt. He thought Buffy was the one for him, he thought so for a long time, and he even dared to hope she could perhaps once love him like he loved her. He thought he knew what a soulmate was, and now he had just heard someone describing a soulmate…and he'd recognized he knew nothing. He never once felt something like that about Buffy. He thought he did, but…but he knew better than to think now. Buffy wasn't his soulmate, she was someone else's. Was this 'someone else' her soulmate too? She loved him so dearly, Riley knew, but…was he?

And even more important, would she be happy with him?

Star-crossed lovers, that's what they were, and that's what they always would be. Star-crossed. Why would it change now?

"Let her go," he heard himself pronounce, "she doesn't need this. She doesn't deserve this."

"However, she deserves you," Angel scented the prospect in the man's voice.

"Yes!" the word escaped his lips before Riley was able to hinder it, and he wasn't sure he repented it or not. "Show me one thing," his voice was a lot more tranquil now as he spoke, "one thing that you can give her and I can't. I can show you plenty the other way around."

"Happiness," Angel whispered inaudibly.

"I can give her happiness," Riley argued, but somehow wasn't so confident in his own uttered words. Could he REALLY initiate that luster in her eyes that was so much more brilliant than any sun, every time he walked into the room, or held her in his arms? Could he make her utter his name in that soft caressing fashion she uttered HIS, each sound that left her lips levitating like a feather in the breeze?

He could give her things though, many things, but happiness…"How can you call this a healthy relationship for a woman her age?" he asked quietly, in a voice that intended no harm, just pointed out facts. "She has so many things left to try out, to experience, to enjoy, and instead she's here with you. One of the things a relationship is built on is sharing; sharing almost everything. How can she share something with you if you can't even see? You must love her very much to keep her locked up like this." He regretted his latter wisecrack, he should have never uttered it. But it was one of the most vexatious aspects of words, they could never be taken back.

Angel had had enough of this by now. "Listen to me," he almost bellowed, "you can say WHATEVER you want, but don't you EVER dare mocking out relationship, OR my feelings towards her, because you don't know the first ting about either one of them! Am I clear?"

"Why not? Truth hurts, is that it?" Riley retorted, now far more aggravated than Angel. "You have no right to keep her locked up!"

"I don't keep her locked up! If you loved Buffy half as much as you claim you do, you'd know she's not one to be kept locked up! She's here out of her own free will! She's here because she wants to, NOT because I make her stay!"

"She's here because she pities you! She's here because she thinks it's her fault she didn't save you back then at the battle; that she didn't save you from that explosion that took your sight from you, THAT'S why she's here! And because she feels an obligation to take care of you, as if she owes you something. THIS is what your RELATIONSHIP is based on. Pretty picture, wouldn't you say?"

Angel just sat there for a minute, letting that old anguish from weeks ago to reappear and cut even deeper. His face both stunned and hurt, while inside, he felt as if he had just been stabbed in the heart. "Get out," he managed, when he finally got his voice back, then he rose to his feet and started in the direction of the bedroom.

"Sit down!" Riley charged, not really grasping what he was doing.

Angel stood still, but didn't revolve. "You certainly have some nerve ordering me around in my own home, you know that?" both the pang and the smirk were more than evident in his voice.

Riley gulped. "I'm not finished," he said humbly.

"Well, that's too bad, because I am." Angel started walking again.

"Wait!" Riley called after him, when he stopped again, he continued. "I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to question your feelings," he said honestly, "I know you love her, and I believe that," he went on, seeing he got the other man's attention. "Proving that you don't love her wasn't the goal I came here to achieve."

"You want her with you."

"Are you saying she's better with you? No matter what the terms are, as long as it's with you?"

"I'm saying she's better with whoever she wants to be," Angel drew in a deep, suddenly very necessary, breath.

"You will live forever in two completely different worlds, never in the same one. The fact that one of you can see and the other one can't, will never change, and will be hovering between the two of you forever. It will disturb her, forever, regardless to what she might say. Even if it bothers her because it's your best she wishes for, but it will still bother her. You can't deny peace from her for the rest of her life, and instead have her spending her life worrying over you. You owe her that, after all she has already done for you. You did the noble thing once, do it again. Tell her to go, and don't take it back this time."

Angel intended to answer that, but the doorbell rang and cut him off.

****

The moment he had the door opened, he felt soft familiar lips plunging his, and gentle arms encircle themselves around his neck.

Angel instantly reacted to that, hugging her close, crushing her body against his, as he welcomed her tongue into his mouth, within one second forgetting everything that had transpired just now, letting all the worries in the world die in her arms.

When she finally pulled away, not less breathless than he, the anxious and dejected expression was gone from his face, and a happy smile took its place.

"Now, I feel better," Buffy breathed out, still standing within the circle of his embrace, resting her forehead against his.

Angel kissed her brow, hugging her to his chest. All Riley's words were suddenly so meaningless, so vacant, against the emotions radiating from his love as she was cuddled in the safety of his arms.

"You know," he heard that cherished voice speak again, and his hand brushed tenderly against the blond of her hair, "Cordy is a lot of fun, and I can't believe it's just come out of my mouth, but in some point, I just started missing my Angel." Buffy looked up at him. "What do you think about the rest of the day on the beach?"

"We are on the beach," he smiled.

She laughed, and it was music to his ears. "You know what I mean, grab a few towels, bathing suits…" her hand roamed underneath the fabric of his shirt, caressing his chest, "on second though, bathing suits might not be necessary," she pointed out, "nor the towels," she whispered throatily against his neck, gradually covering it with little kisses. But then she suddenly stopped. "Angel, why is Riley's car parked in the driveway?" she asked, looking up at him expectantly.

And that was the moment when everything came back, when reality hit again. Angel drew away from her, releasing her from his embrace, and the somber look was instantly back on his face.

"Angel, what is it?" Buffy inquired worriedly. "What happened?" Without waiting for a reply, she knew she wasn't going to get, Buffy took Angel's hand, entering the living room with him.

****

"What are you doing here?" she asked Riley, who was still sitting there, and who looked up the moment she entered, with a manifest guilty expression on his face.

Buffy looked from him to Angel, then back at him, her eyes demanding an answer.

"Buffy, I…"

"We were talking," Angel answered instead, "and Riley was about to go."

"Then maybe I should walk him out," Buffy said in a steely voice, the sound of which told a lot more than the words themselves.

****

"What the Hell did you tell him?" she questioned her ex-boyfriend once the door of the house was closed on them.

"Many things," he breathed, leaning back against the wall.

"What things?" she demanded.

Riley opened his mouth, but Buffy held up her hand.

"On second thought, don't tell me. I already know. Let me do the talking now, okay? Stay away from him Riley, do you hear me? I know what you told him, and not because he said anything, but because I could read it on his face. And I also know, and you do too, that it's very easy to make him do something when he's convinced it's for my own good, especially now, so butt out."

"Buffy, you don't understand…"

"No, YOU don't understand. I love him, Riley. HIM, not anyone else. We never had a chance, and you know that. Remember why you left me all those years ago? Because you couldn't stand the fact that I didn't love you, and because already then, you knew it's him I did love. It hasn't changed since then. I thought we parted as friends the last time. I didn't say anything when Willow sent you to wait for me in my house when I arrived from LA a few weeks ago, because it was the perfect Willow-thing to do, so I wasn't even surprised, but I see that I should have said something. I DIDN'T come to you for comfort, Riley, YOU were waiting for me. So, don't do this. Don't cause yourself pain you don't need, and even more important, don't cause HIM pain, because he's had enough. MORE than enough, actually. I'm trying to rebuild his self-confidence, and believe it or not, it's not easy. And what you do DOESN'T help me. So, stop. Just leave. You're still my friend, Riley, but we can become enemies, I can arrange that, if you want. But if you want to remain on civil terms with me, you'd better leave."

"I see," Riley chuckled. "He won, didn't he?"

"Won? He never lost, Riley. There was never a competition." Her voice softened. "I'm sorry."

"So am I," he smiled. "I only wanted you to be happy, Buffy."

"I am," she beamed. "I'm the happiest person in the world. You can't get happier than I am. I know…" she swallowed, "I know it hurts you to hear this, but I have to say it. He's my soulmate. Have you ever met your soulmate, Riley? I have, and there's this feeling within me that tells me 'this man is everything for me, he is my life, he is my happiness, my redemption, he's the one, my soulmate'…have you ever had this feeling? Have you ever had a little voice in your heart, like the one in mine, that's prompting me to never let him go, and whatever voice there is in my head, I'm just incapable of listening to?"

Riley chuckled. "I know I heard that before."

"That's what it feels like, to have a soulmate. Have you ever felt this way?"

Riley closed his eyes for one second. "I'm glad you're happy," he finally said, "tell him…congratulations. He's the luckiest man on earth. I just hope he won't let you go, if he has brains enough." He leant forward and planted a small kiss on her cheek. "Goodbye, Buffy."

"Goodbye," Buffy smiled to herself, watching him leave, then she entered the house, closing the door behind her.

****

She found Angel sitting by the window, his one hand tossing with the curtains, while the other resting on his lap. Buffy took it from there and occupied its place, resting her head against his chest.

"I never got to see the sun, you know?" he asked her, his eyes gazing outside.

Buffy took his hand in hers, kissing it softly. She didn't know what to say.

"It's ironic, don't you think?" Angel continued. "I always hoped…I always hoped I will see the sun one day, when I will be human, and now, I'm human, and I never got to see the sun." A tear slipped from the corner of his eye and rolled down his cheek.

Buffy encircled her arms around his neck.

"You didn't believe him, did you?" she had to ask.

Angel smiled weakly, a faint smile, brightened by the sun he was never to see. "Does it matter?"

"It does to me."

"Yes, I believed him," he said, "I believed some of what he said. But after giving it a lot of thought, I decided I'm keeping you anyway," he kissed her head, letting go of the drapery and wrapping his arms around her. "You're satisfied with my response now?" he asked lightheartedly.

Buffy grinned. "I need you to know…that I love you. I know what he told you, Angel, it's written allover your face, and I need you to know it's not true. I AM sorry I couldn't save you, but I'm not here because of that. I'm not here because it's my duty, I'm here because I love you so much, and that's what love is all about, Angel. It's about being there for each other, for better and for worse. And there will be better times, too, Angel. There have to be. I have to believe in that, for both of us. And yes, I do wish you were able to see. I wish none of this had happened, but we can't change it. A person can't change what has already been done. All we can do is find the best in what we have now, and it's easy. I'm with you, Angel. It can't get better than that for me, and I don't care if there are thousands of not blind Riley's in this world, YOU are the only one I want." She angled up her head and kissed him gently. "Are you satisfied with my response?"

Angel kissed her lips. "I love you," he whispered softly.

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