Angels in the Dark

Part Seven

"Oh, my God, Angel!" Buffy exclaimed fearfully the moment she entered the kitchen, right after hearing a loud bang coming from there.

She descried Angel by the counter, his eyes roaming about the room with something similar to a complete perplexity and fright. Then she noticed the glass strewn at his feet, and only then her eyes rested on his left hand. It was bleeding.

Buffy ran over to him, shaking him slightly, for he still seemed to be in a some kind of shock. It wasn't the first time, however. Incidents like that one had transpired before, and yet, each time a new one happened, it dazed them both, and mainly him, as if it were the first time.

"Come here," she wrapped her arms around him, leading him towards a chair. She used one hand to pull it back from the table, and another to guide him to a sitting position.

Angel sat down, a bit stiffly. "I'm sorry…" he murmured, more to himself than to her, since he still gave the impression he wasn't quite aware of her presence there. "I just…I just wanted something to drink, I didn't want to awake you for…"

"Shh…" Buffy embraced him tightly, caressing his back. "It' okay. Everything's fine, you just broke a couple of glasses, that's all," she kissed his head, "it's no big deal. It's nothing." She spoke softly, trying to sooth him as much as she could, but in the depth of her heart, knew it could never be done. "I'm more worried about your hand, though."

And as if the thought of it snapped her back to reality, Buffy let go of him and left to search for the first aid kit they were keeping in the kitchen.

****

"Angel, if you need something, anything, no matter what, never hesitate to wake me up, or to call me. I'm here for you, all the time, you know that," she was saying, while bandaging his hand.

"I thought I could do it, but then I didn't find the glasses, and…"

"Oh, God, I'm sorry. It's my fault," she brought her hand to her mouth, then placed it gently on his arm. "I washed the dishes yesterday evening, and I forgot to put everything back the way it was. God, only to think it could be so much more than your hand…Angel, I'm so sorry."

Angel smiled, assuring her it was okay.

Buffy waited for a second, but then said nothing, only taped the dressing and brought his injured hand to her lips to kiss it, cuddling it in her both hands.

Angel covered her hands with his other one. "Don't worry," he grinned faintly.

Buffy sighed, and released his hands.

Angel's eyes followed her as he felt her leave the table, and the sounds that reached his ears later indicated it was to sweep the shattered glass from the floor. He kept watching the direction from which the voices immerged, sitting in silence. There was no way of guessing what might have been going on in his mind those moments. Not even Buffy could know if to base it on the fathomless expression in his eyes.

But she didn't look at him. She didn't search for answers already known to her. Every time something like this transpired, she knew precisely what he felt, and why he felt it. Every time he bumped into something, tripped over something, dropped, spilled, or broke something, she knew exactly how he felt.

He was devastated by it. Actually, devastated was an understatement. Buffy saw how much he always tried to prove himself to her. And albeit she told him numerous times it was gratuitous, and that she wanted him to stop, she also understood how important it was, FOR HIM, as a person. Perhaps, he wasn't even aware of that, but it was HIMSELF he was really doing it all for, not her. It was himself he wanted to prove he could do things. That he was still, on some levels, capable. It was needed more for the sake of his own self-reliance, than to prove her he could.

And therefore, each time he failed, Buffy understood just how deeply it hurt. And whenever he was hurting, she was hurting twice as much.

Angel stirred from his evidently deep thoughts when a gentle hand lay on his arm.

"And here I almost thought I lost you back to your brooding side," she said, trying to mold her voice to sound as lighthearted as possible.

Buffy carefully placed a coffee mug in his hands, cupping them with hers. "You got it?"

He nodded and she gradually let go.

"Be careful. It's not really hot, but it's hot enough."

He smiled, carefully nearing the mug to his lips and taking his first sip.

Buffy observed him performing the entire act, and only after he safely placed the cup back on the table, sipped from hers.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

"You keep asking me that every time something like this happens," he pointed out.

"Maybe because I want to know," she smiled.

"I'm fine," he said, with an uncharacteristic icy edge to his voice, "as fine as it gets in my case."

"I'm sorry," she said.

He chuckled. "What about?"

"I'm sorry you have to go through this, and I'm sorry I can't take this away from you. I'm sorry it's happening to you, and that it causes you so much pain…and I'm so sorry there's nothing I can do."

Angel merely grinned. "Don't be," he said gently. "You know, in order for me to ever learn to live with it, I kinda need you to do that too."

Buffy stood from her chair and reached out to hug him.

Angel returned her hug, pulling her into his lap.

"I've always admired your strength, you know that?" she spoke quietly, her fingertips caressing the upside of his hand. "I think I've just started admiring you even more."

"It's not my strength," Angel reinforced his embrace around her waist. "I draw that strength from you." He inclined his head on hers. "If you weren't here…I assure you there would be nothing to admire."

Buffy laughed. "You know that you're giving me a little too much credit, don't you?" she cupped his chin, turning him to face her. "You're such an extraordinary man, Angel. If you only knew just how special you are."

All I am, all I'll be
Everything in this world
All that I'll ever need
Is in your eyes
Shining at me
When you smile I can feel
All my passion unfolding
Your hand brushes mine
And a thousand sensations
Seduce me cuz I I do cherish you

He grinned slightly. "I don't think…I don't think I ever thanked you for…for being here at all. For being by my side when I need you the most, for staying with me when you could have left, and for putting up with everything. I know it's been hard on you too, you wouldn't be human if it weren't hard on you, and yet you found a way to cope, and help me cope, and for that, I'm so much more than grateful. I needed someone I could always rely on, someone to trust and know would always be there for me, and you gave it to me. I never thought you would…stay with me, after so long apart, and you have. And I thank you."

"Don't. Angel, I…I made so many mistakes in my life…most of them were the terrible things I've done to you. I'm not saying that what I do now is a sort of making amends for everything…I'm not trying to fix what I've done, because you can't really fix what's already happened. But I AM trying to make things better…for the future. Because…I want us to have a future…together." She inspected his gaze. "Do you?"

"You know I do," he smiled, "I wanted to…for ages, I think, all I thought of was…" he closed his eyes for a spell, then opened them again, but even though his gaze was somewhat amused, it was also distant…longing. "I had this fantasy…that when I would become human one day, I would be able to come back to you, and you'd take me back with open arms. And then we'd get married, have lots of kids, maybe even a dog, and live happily ever after in a house surrounded with a white picket fence. And I know it sounds incredibly dumb, especially if to take into account the way things are now…"

Buffy hushed him with her index finger. "Not at all dumber than mine," she kissed his lips gently. "You know, since we both are awake in the middle of the night anyway, how about taking a walk alongshore?" She hoped it would at least somehow cheer him up. Knowing how he liked these long walks in the moonlight, she figured it was worth a shot.

Angel, obviously, read her thoughts. "Why not?" he offered a weak, cooperative smile.

****

"This is nice," Buffy voiced, clinging to her lover's side, while one of her arms was secured around him and the other lay on his bare chest.

"Yeah," Angel chuckled, "even if I wanted to, I could never trip here."

Buffy sighed.

"I'm sorry," he squeezed her waist.

"So," she hastily changed the subject. "What was it you were saying about a house with a picket fence? Any chance you could settle for a beach house? Oh, and could we please not have a dog, or any kind of pet for that matter? I've never been really good with animals, you know. I used to have fish, remember? They kinda tend to die on me."

"I think we could reach a compromise," Angel beamed.

Buffy abruptly desisted her amble and revolved to face Angel, taking his hands. "Do you want to marry me?" she asked the last question he expected her to ask.

Angel stared with obvious astonishment. "Shouldn't I be asking that?" he queried finally.

"Was that a 'no'?"

For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will love you still
From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
I do

Angel pulled back for a second. "It's a big step, Buffy. You know that, don't you?"

"Angel," Buffy put her hand on his arm, but he recoiled.

"Living with me isn't a picnic, Buffy. You see that already, and just so you know, in the future it isn't going to get any easier. It's not like I'm gonna wake up one day, and will be able to see again. You can't…" he closed his eyes in pain, obviously contemplating his next words before uttering them. "You can't just throw in something as momentous as marriage and expect me to just…"

"Why not?" she flung her hands in the air. "Why is it okay for me living with you, in this APPALLING environment, and yet it's so WRONG for me to become your wife? I'm not a little girl, Angel, I know what I'm taking on myself, okay? I know the package, and still, I'm asking you. Marry me, Angel." She never tore her eyes from his, always searching for a reply in those arcane orbs, but not finding even a single intimation.

"You have to understand something," he finally spoke, reaching his hands for hers.

Buffy put her hands in his and he held them gently, his eyes vainly trying to locate hers, even though she'd never broken eye contact.

"This is forever you're talking about," he went on. "Marriage is forever. Do you want forever with me?"

She opened her mouth to reply, but he cut her short, as if knowing what she was going to do.

"Don't answer me now. Look at me, Buffy. This is me. This is the me you're taking for the rest of your life. Do you really want that? There is so much difference between a living-together couple and a married couple. It's a lifetime commitment, Buffy." He pulled her with him down to the sand, releasing one of her hands to grope for the ground he was about to sit on, and Buffy reposed her hand on his shoulder to reassure him it was safe, while sitting down next to him.

"I always wanted to…I always dreamt about marrying you…when I would become human. But then…then I lost my sight, and…and it took me…a long while, to convince myself I was worthy to enact as your…boyfriend, and now, you're asking me…"

"I'm asking you to become my husband," she completed his sentence. "Be my husband, Angel. I don't care if you can see or not. Do you think THAT'S why I fell in love with you to begin with? Because you could see? Do you think that's what makes you so incredibly special in my eyes? How about you think again? I just want to be with you, Angel. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, and I wanna spend it as husband and wife. I WANT to be your wife. I want the forever, Angel. I want the fairytale you told me once we could never have. You don't have to be able to see to give me all that. You don't have to be able to see to make me happy. I want you to hold me through the night, and I want your smile to greet me in the morning, and I want to see that gold band on your finger, and I want you to call me 'wife'." She averted her eyes for a moment, then continued. "I had a dream once, you know. It was prophetic, I know that now, because I had it long before you became human. We were lying in your bed, I think it was in your former apartment, the one that blew up. And you were holding me so gently in your arms, and my head was resting on your chest, and I could listen to your heart beating, and you promised me we would make it work. You promised me in that dream, Angel…"

"Stop!" he cried out abruptly, pulling away from her as if she were fire.

Buffy refused to believe it, but she was too convinced it was tears she descried in his eyes that moment, tears that seemingly had come out of nowhere. "Angel, what is it?" she asked, frightened, trying to at least touch him, but he kept jerking back. "Angel, please, talk to me…was it something I said?"

"I'm sorry…" the words came out as a painful whisper, initiating a throbbing ache in her heart she couldn't comprehend the meaning of.

"Sorry about what? What happened?" Buffy questioned gently at first, then she put her hands on his shoulders and shook him slightly. "Angel, pull yourself together." She instantly regretted the words, because they came out a lot harsher than she intended them to, even though they were uttered softly. "Tell me what's wrong. Was it…was it something in the dream I told you about that made you react that way? What was it?"

"Don't…" he held up a hand, moving away. "Don't call it a dream. God, I can't do this anymore…" he brought said hand to cover his face.

"Angel, whatever it is, just tell me. Please," she removed his hand from his face, taking it in her own.

"Do you really love me?" he asked.

"What? I…of course I do. Why are you asking me that?"

"I can't do this anymore," was all he said, having nothing whatsoever to do with her question. "I've been holding it in for years, and I can't do this anymore."

"Angel, I don't understand. What have you been holding in?"

"Everything!" he exclaimed. "Everything I could never tell you…I…I'm sorry. Buffy, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I took it away from you…" he cried.

Buffy didn't understand the reason for all this. "What…"

"It wasn't a dream, Buffy," he explained in a shaky voice. "It was a memory. And I know it wasn't the only thing you have dreamt about, because I know there were more."

"How could you…"

"Because it all really happened, Buffy!" he cried, "This day really happened…God, please," he found her hands and took them in his,"please, don't hate me for this. I'm sorry…"

Buffy pulled her hands away, darting back. Her head was reeling with the new information she had just received. She wasn't able to think clearly, just as she wasn't able to perceive the shattered expression that filled his eyes the moment he no longer felt her hands in his.

In my world before you
I lived outside my emotions
Didn't know where I was going
Till that day I found you
How you opened my life
To a new paradise
In a world torn by change
Still with all my heart
Till my dying day I do cherish you

Her face was rapidly becoming as tear-streaked as his, as everything was sinking through. The day she thought existed only in her dreams…had genuinely happened. It was a little too much to absorb right now, but she had no other choice. A little voice in her head berated her for not grasping it sooner. Considering she knew he had turned the day back, and she knew how, and she knew why, how come she hadn't deduced it had truly happened?

And now, she started feeling rage towards herself, not towards him. He had given up everything for her – to save her life, and she had repaid him with 'start forgetting', only seconds earlier, vowing in his arms she never would. But she had. She wanted to kill herself when out of the blue, Cordelia's words came rushing back to her. 'You haven't gotten the slightest idea of what this man has done for you, what he has given up for you, and most of it you would never know!'

And now…now, she finally knew what Cordelia was talking about, what was that enormous thing he had done for her and she was never to know. She owed him her life. No, she owed him so much more than her life. Only to imagine what it must have been like for him, keeping it away from her for so many years, what it must have done to his soul, how much pain it must have caused him. What it was like, to give up his only true chance for happiness with the woman he loved, and let go of what was their dream…what was the embodiment of all of their dreams…Buffy shook these thoughts out of her head as soon as they started to rise. It tormented her to merely think of them now, she didn't even want to know what it had been doing to him all these years. There were no words to describe how much she loved him that moment.

And that was when she remembered about him again. It completely flew out of her mind he was even there, so much she was into her own thoughts. Her heart cracked when she looked back at him.

He was still sitting on the sand, in the exactly same posture he was when she had pulled her hands out of his just before. His eyes were blankly peering at the ground, as silent tears trickled down his cheeks, mottling the sand.

Buffy reached out and hugged him tight, rocking his body with hers. "I love you so much," she whispered, "I can never tell you how much I love you, because it'll never be enough, and just for what you did for me, I love you so much…"

"I'm sorry for not telling you this," he started hesitantly. "You had the right to…"

"No," she put her hand to his mouth, then removed it, gently brushing the tears away from his face. "I'M sorry, Angel. I'm sorry for breaking my promise, and I'm sorry for walking out of your arms that day for years after. I'm sorry I doomed us both to an endless loneliness, and I'm sorry for that we had to wait for years until we could reunite again. If only I hadn't walked away…"

"But I was the one who turned back that day, Buffy, not you. If I hadn't…"

"Angel, if I were in your place, I would do the same. I would never endanger your life, not under any circumstances. Please, Angel, let's not waste anymore days. Say…"

"Yes," Angel finished for her. "I love you, Buffy Summers," he traced her cheek tenderly with his thumb. "I've loved you for as long as I can remember myself if not more. And I will never waste any more days, I promise you."

Buffy encircled his neck with her arms, attacking his mouth with a passionate kiss, as her body gradually crushed his to the white sand.

Angel's arms enfold her waist in a firm, yet gentle embrace, and after their lips reluctantly parted in a sweet last kiss, and her head finally found repose on his chest, he kept holding her like that for the rest of the night.

Part Eight

"I can't believe you talked him into this!" Cordelia exclaimed, then she leaned closer to Buffy. "Tell me how you did that? It might work on Gunn," she shrugged.

Buffy laughed. "What can I say? My boyfriend finds me impossible to refuse," she said, smiling. "I'm sorry, my FIANCE."

Cordelia leaned back on the cushions. "I hate you," she pouted jokingly. "No, seriously, how did you do that? Do you have any idea how much it took me to convince him he was good enough for you, and to push him back to good old Sunnydale after he had told you to leave? God, when this guy sets his mind on something..." she waved her hand. "On second thought, you're no less stubborn. You're the perfect match. I can already hear the yelling around the house," she grinned.

"Okay, okay, I'm not saying it was a peace of cake. And stubborn or not, trust me when I say we both found the time to cry our eyes out, which also involved a certain revelation," Buffy added with a pointing look towards Cordelia which the brunette knew only too well.

"Oh, oh," she murmured.

"I'm not mad at you, Cord," Buffy softened the blow.

Cordelia's head snapped up. "You're not?"

Buffy shook her head.

"That's only because you're officially engaged now, right? It's the thought of marrying Angel…it's clouding your judgment."

"Partly," Buffy grinned, "but I mean it too. I'm not angry with you. To tell you the truth, I was kinda surprised you actually kept this secret for him for so long…"

"Please, stop," Cordelia smirked, "you'll make me blush. Anyway, it's not like Angel actually trusted me with this secret. He told Doyle, you know, with them being best friend and all, and Doyle told me. That's how I know. At the time when it happened, Angel and I still weren't on the brother-sister terms we're on today. But still, I'm glad you know. It's one secret less to keep."

"I imagine," Buffy grinned.

"Okay, back to our favorite topic. When's the big day?"

"What do you mean?"

"The wedding. Don't play dumb, Buffy. It's not like there's been anything else in your mind since he said 'yes'. So, when is it?"

"As soon as we can." Buffy beamed.

"How soon?" Cordelia's eyes widened. "I need a dress!"

"Who said you're invited?" Buffy inquired.

"Who said I'm not?" Cordelia shot back. "So, when?"

"Well, we haven't really talked about it, you know. I mean, I only asked him last night. But I'm thinking something along the lines of this or the next month. Well, on second thought, there's not much left from this, so I'd say it's next month. Anyway, I still gotta ask Angel, so don't count on anything yet."

"Next month is kinda soon, don't you think? It leaves us completely no time to prepare for a big wedding," Cordelia observed.

Buffy shook her head. "I don't want a big wedding."

"You don't? But I thought…"

"Cordelia, I don't wanna have a wedding that I alone will be able to enjoy. I don't wanna have flowers, decorations and all that, if Angel won't be able to see it anyway. I mean, what's the point? I want a wedding we'll both remember and enjoy equally, so…it's gonna be something small and private. A priest, the closest circle of friends, and of course, Angel and me. I think we could do it on the beach. I know Angel likes it there in the moonlight. So, you're not gonna need a fancy dress," she smiled.

"You know," Cordelia put her hand on Buffy's arm, "I can't believe I'm saying it, but…he really is lucky to have you back into his life."

Buffy laughed. "Be careful, Cordy, I might take it as a compliment," then she smiled, "but thanks. And anyway, he's not the only one who's lucky."

"I'm really glad you're back together, you know. I don't think…I don't think you fully understand what it means for him that you want to marry him," at Buffy's offended look, Cordelia amended, "you do…I mean, you do understand what's going on in his mind, better than anyone, that's for sure. What I'm saying is that…well, I've been there for him, all these years…no, Buffy, it's not what I meant!" she took a deep breath. "Just let me get this out. I have been there, and I saw the way he was…alone, and…he never admitted anything, and he never said anything, but I have a very good impression of how hard it was on him. I mean, you know Angel. He likes to keep everything inside. Whatever hurts the most, and whatever is of the highest significance to him, he prefers to keep inside. That's when brooding comes handy. The only person he can fully share his feelings with has always been you. He opens up to others too but…I guess it's because he's been mostly on his own for decades, but it takes people a very long time to gain his trust up to such level he'd feel it's safe to confide in them. So, basically, what I'm trying to say is that he pretty much had no one to turn to all those years you two were apart. The fact that you've come back to him, and still want him…the way he is now…and most important, still love him, these are the things that mean the world to him. I'm not saying it's any less for you, but…if to take it from his point of view…"

"I understand," Buffy smiled.

"You made his dreams come true, and more importantly, you made him believe he deserved his dreams to come true."

"We made each other's dreams come true, Cordelia."

"Well," Cordelia clapped her hands in excitement, "where's your fiance? I wanna congratulate him in person," she grinned.

"He's in the bedroom, he thought I should tell you about everything in private, you know, since I was going to ask you to be my bride's maid and everything…" Buffy spoke as she was sauntering in the direction of the bedroom. She could practically see Cordelia's astonished gaze boring into her back when just before entering the room, she turned around, flashing the brunette a slick grin. "Oh, did I forget to mention it?"

A minute later, Buffy was back, and with Angel by her side. She guided him towards the sofa when Cordelia was sitting and he occupied the spot next to her, instantly having Buffy curled up in his lap.

"I hear it's a congratulations, Angel," Cordelia smiled, "I was kinda thinking about giving you a hug, but it seems a little impossible as of now," she shot Buffy a pointing grin.

"I'll let you hug him later," she replied, snuggling deeper in Angel's embrace as he wrapped his arms around her, the genuinely happy beam on his face was undoubtedly one Cordelia hadn't seen in a very very long time. She noted to herself that his expression had always been priceless whenever he held his little Slayer in his arms. In that moment, Cordelia had almost forgotten why she preferred Buffy to stay away from Angel only a couple of months ago.

"I'm really happy for you," she told them, "it's pretty much the best news I've had in ages." Then, with a strangely grave expression, she asked. "Why did you choose me to be your bride's maid?"

"You're my friend, Cordy, don't you think it's kinda expected that I'd choose you as my bride's maid? Don't you want to?..."

"Of course, I do! I'm just surprised, that's all. I figured, well…that you'd ask Willow."

Buffy averted her gaze and Angel squeezed her hand lovingly, sensing the hurt radiating from her. He knew Willow was a particularly sore spot.

"I would never ask Willow," Buffy said eventually. "Maybe once…a long time ago…I might have. But when I'm about to marry the man that I love, I don't want my bride's maid to be someone who doesn't even think this marriage should come to pass. Willow's…was, at least, my best friend, and I hate what's happening between us now, but I'm not backing off. I won't live my life according to what she thinks is the right way. I did it once, and wound up with Riley. And Riley was a good guy, but he wasn't Angel, and it ultimately got him hurt. So, I made the right choices for myself, without listening to Willow, and right now, I'm happier than I ever thought I could be. She can't accept it, and this is the only thing I postulate from this friendship – for her to accept the man I love. She thinks it's not right, even though she was the most supportive person to our relationship in the past, and I don't want to have a friend who would never uphold as substantial matter as my marriage. It's as simple as that."

Angel reinforced his hold on Buffy, and she smiled briefly, thankfully reclining her suddenly very tired head on his chest.

Cordelia nodded in silent understanding. "And what about Giles? And Oz? And Xander? And then, there's Anya? What about them? Are they coming to the wedding?"

"Yeah," Buffy nodded. "Or, at least, I think they are. I mean, Xander and I have been having the long-distance-relationship over the phone for the past months. You know how he is, he's not supporting it and he's not against it. He says that as long as Angel and I are ready to really pull this off, he'd back us up one hundred percent. You know, it's funny how the rolls flipped like that," Buffy chuckled suddenly, "I think it was only yesterday when Xander was completely eaten with jealousy and Willow was the best friend I could always turn to. Funny. Anyway, I'm not such a great friend with Anya, but she's actually nice…after you're with her for some years. Anyway, she's Xander's girlfriend, and they'll both be invited so I'd say they'd show. Now, about Giles, well…Giles will definitely be there. There's not a single doubt about that. Now, that leaves us with Oz. He's been more or less supportive along the bumpy road towards our soon-to-be wedding day, but you know how Oz's like. He's standing up for Willow, so…I think it's her decision eventually, whether he'll come or not. I doubt he'll show without her. And to add to this you, Gunn and Doyle, I think we're done with the guest's list." She smiled, then abruptly turned to Angel. "Honey, do you have someone you want to invite, or…exclude?"

"No," he grinned. "I think that's all."

"Good," Buffy beamed, tightening her arms around his waist. "Now, we gotta set the date."

****

Part Nine

Listen as the wind blows
From across the great divide
Voices trapped in yearning
Memories trapped in time
The night is my companion
And solitude my guide
Would I spend forever here
And not be satisfied

"Morning, honey." Buffy nestled at Angel's side, sprawling her arms across his chest. "Hey," she pouted, looking up into his face, "you're not happy enough. It's your wedding day, mister."

Angel beamed, stroking her hair gently. "How could I ever forget?" he kissed her head. "I can't believe we're really doing this."

"Well, then, you better start believing, cuz starting today, you're stuck with me for a lifetime." She kissed his lips mildly and reposed her head in the crook of his neck. "Angel," she whispered, while drawing patterns on his chest with her fingertips.

"What is it?" he asked.

"This is the happiest day of my life."

Angel shrouded her in his arms. "Mine too, my love."

"It's like…it's like all of my dreams are finally coming true, Angel. It just feels too perfect to be real." She brushed his chest with a gentle hand, raining random kisses on the smooth skin, that made Angel's whole body tingle, proving him once more there was nothing more enchanting than the feel of her in his arms.

"I want to have your baby, Angel," she uttered the words, the soft, gentle words, the ones that possessed the power to fulfill his dreams…the ones that held within them the power to break his heart.

Buffy instantly sensed his abrupt tension. "Honey?" she turned to him. "Angel? What's wrong?"

"I…I can't." he shifted from underneath her, sitting up and averting his gaze.

"Can't what?" Buffy questioned, sitting up as well, pulling the silky shit to cover her bare breasts. "Honey, talk to me." She placed her hand on his cheek and made him face her.

"I told you once," he began, his voice nearly a whisper, as if he were about to give away his most dreadful secret. "I told you years ago, that I couldn't have children."

"But…Angel, it was years before you turned human. What makes you think?…"

"Buffy…" he cut her, "my most cherished wish was that you one day would be my wife, and have my children…but it can never be. Let's be reasonable for a second here, okay? This body might be human now, but it had been dead for nearly two centuries before it happened. It had been nothing…but a dead flesh. A habitat to a soul…whenever it was there, other than that – empty. I don't think it really matters whether I'm human now or not. Things like this don't have the tendency to change, let's face it. I can assure you, Buffy, I…I can't have children. I wish I co…" his voice broke and he closed his eyes in mid sentence, obviously in pain.

Buffy instantly took him in her arms, allaying his pain and anguish with gentle caresses. "It's okay…" she whispered.

"No, it's not," he pulled off. "You want children. Remember why I left you once, Buffy? One of the reasons was because I couldn't give you children. This fact still stands. I'm human now, but this fact still stands."

"Angel, it's okay," Buffy assured softly. "So…so, we won't have children of our own. It just means it's something we'll have to accept…that it wasn't to be. But…but you can be such a wonderful father. Your heart is the most loving heart I have ever known."

"But I can't…"

"Children can be adopted too, you know. I'm sure there's a little baby out there somewhere, just waiting for us to claim it…"

Angel chuckled bitterly. "Who will let you to adopt a child when you have a blind husband at home? You can simply add it to the long list of the things I can't ever give you."

Buffy beheld him. His gaze was broken, shattered, and she could already see the tears starting in his beautiful eyes. But she wouldn't have it. She wouldn't have tears. Not today of all days. It was her dream too. It was her dream, to carry in her womb for nine months, and then give birth to this one special baby – many special babies – that would be her and Angel's. THAT was her dream, and Buffy was well known as one who would not settle for less than what she wanted, and while offering to adopt, deep inside, she knew just that.

"I don't want children," she said.

"What?"

"I don't want children. There's something you didn't understand. Angel, I don't want children if it's not from you. My dream was to have YOUR children. And if I can't have that, so be it, so I'll have nothing. But I don't want children just for the sake of having them. That's why, I WON'T go with someone else, just because he can give them to me, and I need you to know that. If a bunch of kids and a perfect life was my life's desire, you'd be out of the picture way before you even came in. But guess what, I fix the man I love upon all that. And yes, our life together will be far from perfect, but it will be real, and it will be happy, because we love each other enough to make it happy. I don't want any tears or sadness today, because this is the day our new life takes off." She firmly put her hands on his shoulders. "Promise me."

Angel smiled, pulling her close to him, gently stroking her long blond hair, as she rested her head against his steadily beating heart. "I love you so much," he whispered, tightly wrapping his arms around her.

"Me too," Buffy kissed his chest. "And please, let's not think about anything bad for the rest of the day?"

He merely grinned, kissing her crown in response.

"Thank you," she smiled.

And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I'd wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear

****

Buffy stood still in front of the long mirror in her and Angel's bedroom, while Cordelia was busy in fixing up her dress and hair until they appeared even more perfect than after the previous time she did the same five minutes ago.

But she wasn't paying much attention to what Cordelia was doing, nor to what she was saying. On the contrary, she used the time to reflect, to ponder about all the latter occurrences of her formerly 'ordinary' life.

So…what had happened to her lately? How long had it really been?

Through this world I've stumbled
So many times betrayed
Trying to find an honest word
To find the truth enslaved
Oh you speak to me in riddles
And you speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath
You words keep me alive

Well, to the rational side of her, the realistic one, it looked like two…maybe three months. Three months…had it really been only three months? So, why did it seem as if it had been years? Years that flew by, ever since that last battle…the same one that robbed her love from the only chance he ever had to see the sunshine.

No, she promised herself. No sad thoughts today. It's her wedding day, after all. To the only chosen one of her heart, to her Angel.

Only the thought of him filled her heart with thousands of dancing smiles. Her Angel. She could hardly believe she was really marrying her Angel. Only several years ago, it seemed too unreal to even dare dream about. Only several years ago, she was seriously considering a renewed relationship with Riley. If it had worked…would it have been him she was marrying now? Would it have ever worked to begin with? No, she had to admit. She had never loved Riley. That was the reason it had failed the first time, because he knew she could never give him her heart, because her heart was already taken, by the vampire with the angelic face.

Why had she been deluding herself it would change the second time? How could she even pretend she loved another, while her Angel was the only one to ever own her heart? And it seemed so easy back then…almost imperceptible. To pretend loving someone else…it sounded so hard, yet it had been so easy…and so so agonizing…

But it didn't matter now, did it? It didn't matter anymore. Starting now, she would never have to pretend again, because she would spend the rest of her life with the only one she had never needed to feign anything around. The only one she could say 'I love you' to numerous times per day, and every single time, merely uttering these words and addressing them to him would lift her higher than seventh heaven. Her Angel, he was always what made the smallest changes, the ones that later swayed her entire life. There was not a single thing in the entire world that could stand between them and their happiness now.

Into this night I wander
It's morning that I dread
Another day of knowing of
The path I fear to tread
Oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride
Nothing stands between us here
And I won't be denied

"Buffy?" a voice broke into her thoughts and forced her out of her reverie.

"I'm done," Cordelia let her know, putting her both hands on her friends shoulders and standing alongside her in front of the mirror. "You're glamorous," she complimented, obviously very pleased with her work.

Buffy scanned herself. Her dress was of a pure white silk, and reached the floor in length. The fabric clung perfectly to her slim figure, emphasizing her feminine curves, in an impeccable contrast to her tanned skin. It was strapless and was completed by a dainty choker of tiny snow-white pearls.

"Thanks, Cord." She smiled.

"You're very welcome. Maybe once you can do the same for me," she grinned, but then swiftly changed her mind. "On second thought, rewind that. I'm not letting anyone do my look."

"It's okay, Cord, there are less painful ways to kill myself," Buffy joked.

Cordelia smirked at that wisecrack, but just as she was about to quip something in return, a hesitant knock interrupter the
conversation.

"Come in," Cordelia answered it.

"Hi, Buffy," a timid, wavering voice spoke.

Buffy seemingly froze, slowly turning around towards the door. "Willow," she gasped.

"Well, look who turned up," Cordelia folded her arms on her chest. "Whatever changed your mind?" she smirked.

Willow looked down.

"What are you doing here, Will?" Buffy wanted to know.

"I…I came with the others. Giles, Xander, Anya, and Oz."

"I thought you didn't want to," Buffy turned back to the mirror, nervously fidgeting with her hair.

"Hey!" Cordelia removed Buffy's hand from her hair, and glared at Willow. "You're making her ruin everything I'd been working on for hours!"

Willow disregarded her. "Buffy, I…I'm sorry."

"Really?" Buffy still hadn't turned back from the mirror.

"Buffy, at least look at me," Willow pleaded.

"What if she doesn't want to?" Cordelia stood by her friend. "What if you've said enough already?"

"Cordy, please…"

"NO! Buffy, it's your wedding day, you don't need this crap now! And as your bride's maid, my number one job is to keep you happy through today."

"You…you're her bride's maid?"

"No, don't even do that, Will! I'm sorry to let you down, but I need a bride's maid who can be a real friend, and support the choices I made, and the man I want to marry to. Unfortunately, you're answering on exactly none of the above, UNLIKE Cordelia. So, yes, she's my bride's maid."

"I'm sorry," Willow said quietly.

"You're a little late for that," Buffy snapped. "Why are you here?"

"To be at your wedding, Buffy."

"You don't want me to marry him, remember? So, why have you come to our wedding? And if you will, make it the truth this time."

"It's not that I don't want you to marry him…"

"So, what is it?"

Willow took a deep breath. "I was wrong…"

"You damn right!"

"Buffy, I…"

"Look," Buffy finally faced her, "I don't wanna do this now. Cordelia is right. This is my wedding day, Willow, and I'm not gonna ruin it by debating with you. If you want, you can stay for the wedding, but we're more than certainly not going to sort this out now."

"Buffy?…"

The three women turned to the door to the sound of a new voice. They had been staring at him for a few seconds, before even acknowledging they were. He was so gorgeous they couldn't take their eyes off of him, none of them had ever thought he could look SO good.

"Buffy?" he spoke her name again, his eyes scanning in the infinite darkness.

Buffy shook her head, forcing her eyes off of his perfectly shaped body, that looked even better in the black pants and the white shirt, with a matching black waistcoat on top. She had to admit it to herself, she'd never thought anyone could look so good in a tux.

"Hello, handsome," she approached him with a bright smile, that was instantly reflected on Angel's face.

"I'll have to take your word for that," he replied, stretching his hands out for her to take them, which she did, and he pulled her to him.

"While you're at it, why don't you take mine too?" Cordelia commented. "And now, I'll better get out of here...find Gunn, before I'll start drooling on the wrong guy." And with an additional smile, she exited the room.

"I need your help," Angel said to Buffy after Cordelia had left.

"And what might that be?" her arms slowly snaked around his waist.

Angel pulled a necktie out of his pocket.

"You and the rest of mankind," Buffy laughed, taking it from him, as he bowed a little to allow her wind it around his neck.

He wrapped his arms around her, clinching her closer to him, gently nibbling at her neck.

"You know," Buffy was still struggling with his tie, "as much as I enjoy it, and believe me when I say I enjoy it, but I really can't do both."

"Then maybe, we don't need the tie…" Angel whispered seductively in her ear.

"You know, we're not entirely alone here," Buffy whispered back.

Angel instantly straightened up, his face was an only too familiar mixture of confusion and embarrassment that appeared every time his blindness caused him do something like that.

And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I'd wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear

Buffy instantly repented for not letting him know sooner. "It's just Willow," she squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"I…maybe I'd better go now," Willow mumbled while absconding the room.

"Willow?" Angel questioned his future wife.

"Yeah," Buffy sighed, "she wants to make peace…or whatever."

"Maybe you should let her."

"Have anyone ever told you your benevolence should take some time off?"

"Once or twice," he smiled.

"So consider it a third time," she murmured, while finishing straightening his tie.

"Love, don't let it get to you," he said tenderly, stroking her face. "You said it yourself, remember? It's the happiest day of our lives. Let's keep it that way."

Buffy smiled, nuzzling his hand. "What would I do without you?"

"Probably marry Riley," he teased.

She hit his chest playfully.

Angel embraced her gently. "You're absolutely beautiful, you know that?"

"Thank you," Buffy smiled, briefly kissing his lips. "Now, are you ready to walk me to our so-called altar? In our case, outside to the beach?"

"Certainly, my lady." He bowed before her.

Buffy laughed, dragging him out of the room.

****

Several minutes later, eight people surrounded the arch, adorned with garlands of white flowers, underneath which stood a couple, holding on to each other's hands, and an elderly priest.

Everyone was silent as he spoke the holy words that bound the two in the holiness of matrimony, nothing was heard but the soothing sound of the waves lapping at the shore, and the quiet ocean breeze.

The silvery moonlight lit the two Claddagh rings as they were slowly passed from a hand to a finger, and the same moonlight lit a kiss.

And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I'd wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear

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