Part 9

"Bad day?" Lindsey observed, throwing a brief look Darla's way, as the ex-vampire stormed into his office, slamming the door behind her. Ignoring him, she continued towards his empty chair and sat down, turning her face to the window behind her.

"I figure yes," the lawyer went on after she'd settled, and emptied his whiskey. After a quick thought and another glance at the woman's back, he fixed one for her, too.

With the glass in his hand, he headed to the desk, but when he offered it to Darla, she knocked it out of his grip with a swift wave of her hand, stood up from the chair and paced to the center of the room.

Lindsey arched his brow at the scattered pieces of glass inside the stain of liquor. "That was a good carpet," he observed apathetically, then pressed a speed-dial on the phone. "My office. Now," he said into the speaker and disconnected the call.

A second later, a woman walked in, cleared everything but the stain and walked out.

"Now," the lawyer sank into his leather chair, motioning at the woman to start talking, "be my guest."

She smiled, leaning back against the window. "Guess who I've just seen."

"You might want to think twice before doing that, if you want to stay on this floor, anyway," he remarked, standing up and offering her his chair. She peered at him strangely, but accepted his offer, as he settled on the edge of his desk in front of her. "Angel?" he finally asked.

"You had anyone else in mind?"

"I see. You know, not to question your methods, I'm sure you know best, but…maybe pressing him so soon after he's on to you is not the best idea…"

"Lindsey, shut up," she waved her hand. "I didn't go to him, *he* came to me. *He* found me."

"Interesting," he observed, his _expression though, remained imperturbable.

"Yeah, whatever."

He shrugged. "I don't see what you have to be so upset about. He came to you, last time I checked, it was the first step of his deterioration, what we've been aiming towards all along. It means you're getting to him, it's what we wanted."

"Really? Well, what *I* wanted, didn't in any way involve him running away into the sunset with his beloved cheerleader," she mocked.

"Don't let your jealousy sway you off achieving your goal," he said calmly, though there were traces in his voice indicating on personal connection to the words.

But Darla paid no attention to them, she only peered at him suspiciously. "You don't sound surprised."

"Should I be?"

She chuckled, folding her arms on her chest. "You knew she was here."

"We know everything we need, Darla, of course, I did," he confirmed, the complete lack of emotion still controlling his voice.

"Why wasn't I informed, then?" she wanted to know.

Lindsey looked at her for a moment, allowing almost tenderness to enter his eyes, but he still couldn't allow himself to stray from the image he'd created for himself, regardless to how much he maybe wanted to. He leaned in, putting his palms on the chair's handles,until their faces were inches apart. "Wolfram and Hart don't want you getting between Angel and his Slayer, we want you to get between him and his soul, to bring him to our side," he articulated each word, his voice low and husky. "After he's dark again, for all I care, you two can rip the girl apart and fight over the pieces. But until then, she *can't* be in the way." He straightened back up, never breaking eye contact. "That's it."

"No," she stood up, causing him to step back. "Let me tell you what is *it*. That's *true love* of his *is* in my way. I felt my grip on him loosen, and I *didn't* like it. Now I know why. And I also know *you* are gonna take care of that!" she said, not raising her voice above normal, but making her point nevertheless, giving the impression they were discussing everyday matters.

"You're getting overly ticked off with her, Darla," he observed, inwardly, not at all liking the idea.

"He *stinks* of her," she hissed, but then her anger melted into slight smile. "Just what is it that you know about her, Lindsey?" she leaned back in the chair. "What do your 'records' tell you about Buffy?"

"She's the key, the trigger to his curse, the perfect happiness. That's all we need to know."

"That's all?"

"That's not all, but that's the part I care about at this point."

"And you still think she's not a problem?" an impish glint in her eyes said she wasn't finished just yet.

His lips curved up in a confident half-smile, "Correction, Darla, I *know* she's not a problem. As a matter of fact, her arrival serves us better than we could have ever imagined. You see, if you don't succeed…"

"But you still went through all the trouble of bringing me back?" she obviously wasn't convinced at all.

"We didn't know she was coming. Besides," he pushed himself off the desk, "you should know yourself…nothing beats the original."

"Oh, I see," she grinned. "Well here's a short update to your files. That soul you want me so much to get rid of is *in love* with her. I *can't* knock *that* out of him, I've been there, done that, years ago. Nothing's better a teacher than past flops, Lindsey."

"So you're saying you can't beat it?" he asked.

Darla said nothing for a while, then she stood up. "You said you could handle her," she avoided his question with one of her own. "How?"

"We have our ways."

"How?" she demanded firmly.

Lindsey sank into his chair. "You expect me to just tell you that?"

"No, I *know* you're going to tell me that," she smiled. "You never kept anything from me, Lindsey…well, aside from Buffy, that is…"

He chuckled, "*That*, sweetheart, you *don't* know."

"As I said," she maintained her grin, "you never kept anything from me. And you won't start now…" she let his tie leisurely brush over her palm as she pulled it back from under it, "will you?"

He took his tie from her, leaning back in his chair. He wasn't sure why he was going to do what he was going to do. Was it that he simply saw no reason to hide it, or was it the fact he....cared about her? He wasn't sure... "Fine," he sighed. "It's nothing major though. Basically, our backup plan is to have *her* breaking the curse herself..." He obviously didn't mention he, personally, preferred *that* option.

"Are you all out of your plotting little minds?" she laughed. "You have no idea what you're messing with, he *left* her so that it wouldn't happen, tore his little 'loving' heart, so you think he'll let it happen now? That *she* will let it happen?"

"None of them will," he said simply. "Problem is...none of them will know."

* * * * *

"Buffy, please, wait!" Angel ran after her, and finally managed to get close enough to grab her sleeve and make her stop.

"How could you?!" she span around, hurt and anger allover her face.

"What are you…" he let go of her. "Buffy, I…I'm not…"

"You're not what? I still have eyes, Angel!"

"You were the one who said it was strictly business and then you expect me to stay loyal to a dream?! Should I do that before or after you've been fucking your boyfriend for over a year?!"

In a flash of rage, she slapped his cheek, as soon as the last word escaped his lips.

Angel brought his hand up to his face, not taking his eyes from hers, as she stood there, wide-eyed, panting.

"So that's it? You're Mr. Righteous now, ha? Now everything is an excuse for you to go sucking faces with your Sire? That's great, Angel, a guy gets turned off by option number one, so he moves right on to number two."

"Dammit, you know it's nothing like that…"

"You know what? No, I don't," she cut in, stepping back from him. "Not after I've just seen, I don't. I…*God*, sewers again!" she only then took in their surroundings. "What is it with us and sewers?!" she exclaimed, knowing she was completely off the subject, but being too upset to care anymore.

"I'm sorry," Angel tried to reach out for her, but she recoiled.

"Sewer talks never end well, even though we only had one. Actually, I don't see *this* talk ending well *anywhere*. You don't get it, Angel," she returned back to the topic of discussion, "it isn't even about you and me…I-I mean, it…it, dammit, there's *is* no you and me. This it about *you*. The closer you allow yourself to get to her, the more dangerous it is for *you*. She is *not* your salvation, Angel, she's…she's not," she sadly whispered the last word.

"And you think I don't know that? Buffy, I can't…I can't stop…"

"You can't? So this is all for nothing?! You're pursuing the 'lose the soul at all cost' mission as planned? You could…you could walk away from me, knowing that I…you could walk away from *me* to keep it," she lowered her voice to a husky whisper as her eyes started welling with tears, "but you can't walk away from her?"

He sighed, making another attempt to touch her, but this time she didn't only moved back, she also smacked his hand off. "Are you *that* obsessed?" she spat.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, knowing these words were as empty to her as they sounded to him, but not knowing what else to say.

"No," she laughed bitterly, making several more steps back. "Stop. Just stop, I…I don't care anymore. I just want you to know this, you can play with fire all you want, Angel, do you know why? Because I'll never let you burn. Never. And you can spit in my face all you want, I stopped caring. You can fuck her right before my eyes and I wouldn't blink, I promise you that. Because no matter what, I'll *never* leave you until you're right again. Afterwards, I'm gone. Gone for good. But until then…if you don't want to save your soul, *I* do. And I'm going to. Because as much as I hate you…I still love you." Saying that, she whirled around and walked away, leaving Angel to stand alone in the sewers.

PART 10

"Will? Hi," Buffy whispered in the received she was holding close to her ear, and glanced around to make sure no one was in sight. As unusual as it was, everyone seemed to be somewhere else. "Yeah, me again, listen… - Well, *that* happened to be Cordelia, actually, I would never do that… - I didn't call back because…because it wasn't a good time. I'm sorry, but discussing Riley is not exactly the top of my priorities at the moment. Look… - Willow, please not now," she sniffed, wiping the tears from her eyes and cheeks with her free hand. "No, no, I'm fine. I'm okay, don't worry about it. I just…I really need a favor now… - Yeah…why don't you wait with the yes until *after* I tell you what it is… - I need you to get to the magick shop ASAP. Get all the supplies needed for the Ritual of Restoration… - Will, Will, don't panic…Willow, don't panic *yet*, please…" the Slayer scanned the empty lobby once again and lowered her voice.

"You're with me?… - Okay, great. Now, listen to me, nothing happened yet, I promise you that, I give you my word, he still…he still has a soul. Look, I won't get into details, I can't. I can't tell you everything right now, this isn't the time, only that you gotta have everything at hand if... – Yeah, if *it* does happen. How soon can you get to the shop?…- Now? Yeah, now is good, now is great. Just…make sure to get Giles out of there before… - I don't know how, think of something, Willow, I need you here, okay? Think of something, tell him his apartment is on fire for all I care. No one can know about it by you. Make it you and Tara, actually, fill her in on…not too many details, you will probably need her help in this. But no one else can know… - So you'll do that?… - Are you sure you can… - Okay. Will, thanks. I owe you for this… - When? I don't know," she sighed heavily. "I need you to be ready around the clock, *if* it's gonna strike, I don't know when it's gonna happen… - I'll be careful, don't worry. Bye, Will."

"Buffy?" a voice called her name just as she was putting down the receiver.

She slowly turned around, trying her best to avoid meeting Wesley's eyes. Inside she wondered what he might have heard of the conversation, but the more rational part of her insisted on nothing important. Hoping there was nothing he wanted, she turned to go up to her room.

"Buffy, wait," he asked her, and she revolved with a sigh, looking down on her shoes. He made a few steps in her direction, but when she started moving back from him, stopped. "You want to tell me what happened?" he prompted, making her look up. "You're…"

"Yeah, Wes, we cry, too," she answered, her voice tinted with traces of bitter sarcasm. "In spite of conventional belief, I'm pretty sure it was somewhere in the Watchers' Handbook." "I-I…I didn't mean…"

"I wanna be alone now. You mind?" Not giving him more than a second to answer, she walked away.

* * * * *

A few minutes later, Buffy heard a soft knock on her door. She lifted her face from the pillow and wiped her still slightly wet eyes with her hands, then she climbed off the bed, pulling her tousled blond hair back in a ponytail. She was just about to get the door herself, when she changed her mind. "What do you want?" she asked, in a weary but firm voice, as she sat down on her bed.

Angel opened the door, but didn't get in. "It's not the only reason," he said, after a beat.

"I don't care," she sighed. "I really don't care. Just…just go, okay? I want to be alone for one moment. I'm not forgetting why I'm here and believe me, I won't. I just wanna be alone. So…just go."

There was silence for a while, then he spoke again, "I'm not asking you to care, I just want you to know…and I really thought you did. Guess I was wrong."

"I know, so...you weren't wrong. I memorized the list by heart. *I* was wrong. Showing up here bordered the pretty much dumbest thing I could do. You see, Angel in danger equals worry, worry equals Buffy goes to LA, but Buffy goes to LA equals *nothing*, because Buffy never learns!" She stood up and reached the nearest window in a few strides, pulling the curtains apart until almost the entire room was sunlit. Standing in a pool of sunlight, unable to face the _expression on his face, Buffy looked down. "Now, go," she whispered.

He swallowed and nodded, the part of him that's not busy denying she'd just done what she had, busy trying to figure out what *he* should do. Finally, not saying anything else, he turned around and left.

* * * * *

Angel briefly raised his head, throwing a careless look at the doorway. "Come on in," he gestured with his hand. "Sorry about the curtains. I know this room lacks sunlight. Probably because I recently developed this thing when I …burst into flames. But if you want, go ahead, open them, too. I don't mind, really."

Buffy looked down for a moment, embarrassed by her own actions. "Can you put that out, please?" she requested quietly, referring to the cigarette he was randomly inhaling from.

"Helps me clear my mind," he glanced at it one last time before doing as asked.

The Slayer entered the room and shut the door behind her. Avoiding his eyes, she made her way to Angel's bed on which he was sitting. "I was thinking…about everything that's happened…"

"I think I hear *business* coming up," he interrupted her sarcastically, rising up. "Give me a sec, I'll put my shirt on."

"Angel, enough!" she snapped. "Cut it out, I want to talk to you. Fifteen minutes ago, *you* wanted to talk…"

"I'm pretty sure fifteen minutes ago was *before* you kicked me out of your room using sunlight," he remarked.

"Oh, I see," she nodded. "You finally found a yet another card to play pay-back with."

He gazed at her for a long moment, the anger gradually melting away from both their expressions.

"I'm sorry I did it," Buffy spoke first. "It was…well, 'low' should begin to cover it," she acknowledged. "I'm sorry."

"Buffy-"

"I'm *not* sorry about *why* I did it," she added before he could say anything. "I'm still not interested in excuses, or…explanations...whatever you wanna call them, they're all the same to me anyway. I don't wanna hear them. That hasn't changed."

"I see," he was taken aback.

"I came here to tell you I've done some thinking…about it all, about you, about Darla and about…how I fit into this puzzle. And I think I got all the pieces together and…I got it all figured out, once and for all. My only role here is to make sure you keep your soul, and that's where it ends, there I step out. I can *ask* you…God, I can even *beg* you to stay away from her, at least until you get a grip over yourself and stop letting her control you like a puppet, but that's *all* I can do. That's all I have the right to do. I definitely don't have the right to go ballistic over…other stuff. I lost that one a long time ago, and I'm…not asking to get it back."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I'll do whatever it takes to save your soul, but I can't lock you in here like a little kid and say you're not allowed to play with girls. If you insist on chasing Darla like a sick puppy because you cant control yourself," she shrugged, "I can't do anything to stop you."

"And you suddenly don't care?" he asked, searching her eyes for the real answer.

She waited for a moment before answering, "I don't."

He laughed, sitting down on the bed, but keeping distance from her. "I really don't get you now. Are *you* sure you know why you're here?"

The Slayer groaned, rolling her eyes. "I'm trying! I'm *trying*, okay? But I just can't win with you, can I?! I tell you one thing, but then I see you're not in a state to be pushed, so I *back off*, put things in a different perspective, and tell you another-"

"How about telling me the truth?" he interrupted her. "Ever tried that one? Cuz I hear it works."

"I did! But then you came at me with a detailed account of my sleeping with Riley! When are you finally gonna get it, Angel, my past doesn't make up for your present!"

"You think that's what I was trying to do? To justify myself?! God, Buffy, I *really* thought you knew me better than that-"

"And I *thought* I knew you *at all*!" she retorted. "Seems to me like we both wind up disappointed."

"*You* only see your side of everything, you *never* see mine…"

"What are you talking about?"

"When Faith told me about what she'd done with Riley, the only thing I could think of was that another man was…touching you…was inside of you, was…allover you. I never thought something could hurt as badly…but it did. And then it hurt million times more when *you* threw it in my face, that you *trusted* him, that you *loved* him…do you have the slightest idea of what it did to me?" She didn't say anything, and his hurt melted into the faintness resemblance to a smile. "Sure you do. You did, that's why you said all those things…you always knew what buttons in me to push to hurt the most, because you're the only one who can hurt the *most*. Nothing else can," he whispered, locking eyes with her. "But the point is that you didn't care. That you *don't* care. You say you don't want to hurt me, but instead of not hurting me, you constantly attack me for hurting *you*. And...I guess I do…hurt you. But at least I care."

"I won't say I'm sorry," the Slayer whispered after a long thought, looking down on her hands. "Because I…I don't really believe it'll do. I don't think it matters."

"It doesn't," he said, and she looked up, clearly having been expecting to hear something else, after all. "I don't want you to apologize. Then I'll have to apologize, and you'll have to apologize again, and then *I'll* have to apologize again, because God knows we both have a long way to go, which eventually leads nowhere..."

She smiled at his insight and seeing that, he allowed a small smile, too.

"Besides, I'm over it. Brooded about it from every possible angle, ask Cordelia. I want you to understand that…I get hurt, too. My heart's not made of stone though it might seem that way…especially with everything that's been recently going on, even though it's not beating." She bit on her lower lip and moved closer to him, her eyes never leaving his. She shakily raised her hand and gently placed her palm over his heart. "It's beating for me," she whispered, and after another moment of hesitation, replaced it with her cheek.

* * * * *

"Should kick in right about now," Lindsey mused, his eyes fixed on a tiny bottle he was holding up in his hand, filled with red liquid. "If everything goes as planned, he should be knocking on our door within…ten hours," he said, glancing at his watch.

"What if it doesn't?" Darla asked.

"I was told they were shot, both Angel and the Slayer. They were followed for a while, neither felt anything, no consequences…nothing went wrong so far. It's been enough time for it to integrate in their system…it should start working as we speak."

"So they'll just…forget?"

"Not forget…just will become too disoriented for a while to be aware of…the exact same things they must never forget. More than enough time to make the mistake of their lives…or unlives, for some," he grinned to himself. "Don't look so disappointed, Darla," he addressed the former vampire. "Defeat doesn't look good on you. If it makes you feel any better, it's not my fault. Wolfram and Hart's policy is to have the removal of Angel's soul our top priority. With the Slayer in town, they found a faster way to do it. Simple as that. Anyway there are no losers here…well, except for the girl, probably," he shrugged, putting the bottle down on the desk in front of him.

Lindsey got up and walked over to his mini-bar. "Join me for a drink?" he offered. "It's going to be an exciting day, followed by an even more exciting night," he smiled at her, raising his glass.

Darla just looked at him.

Part 11

Buffy yawned and stretched, releasing her arms from under Angel's back and bringing her hands to her head. She didn't remember waking up with a headache like that before, she didn't remember waking up with a headache *at all*. She certainly didn't remember the blow to the head she obviously got at some point before falling asleep. What was even stranger…she seemed to have a bleary tear in her memory that began with her talking to Angel in his room and ended with her waking up...in his bed. "Angel," she gasped, her eyes flashing open as she sat up, in the process causing his arm to loosely slide from around her waist. Her heart started pounding so fast that to add that to the headache and sudden lack of air, she almost passed out. Shaking her head to clear her blurry vision, she stared at Angel's unsuspecting, still sleeping face, her eyes wide, disbelieving and fearful at the same time.

Without taking her eyes off him, she grabbed a sheet and wrapped it around her naked body, tightening the fabric until it practically dug into her flesh. "Oh my God," she whispered, her voice thick with tears though her eyes were still dry. She reached one hand to his face but hesitated to touch him and pulled it back. Buffy carefully climbed off the bed, endeavoring not to make a sound or movement that could wake him up. With the white sheet still around her, she frantically scanned the room several times, her eyes passing randomly over her and Angel's clothes that were scattered all around the bed, getting dressed obviously not being the first thing on her mind. Not finding what she was looking for, she grabbed Angel's coat from a chair and let her restive hands rummage inside the pockets. After a few seconds that were more like hours for her, she pulled out his cell phone, but her shaking hands gave in and as she tried to dial a number, it slid out of her grip, hitting the floor with a thud. Buffy's heart skipped a beat at the sound and she slowly turned her head to look at Angel. After making sure he was still asleep, she inhaled a deep breath and waited a few moments until she allowed herself to pick up the phone and dial again.

"Willow?" she hissed into it, her voice cracking more with every word as her head was becoming clearer to understand what had really happened. "W-Willow…n-now, now, the…the spell… - No, no ques-no questions now, Will, just do the spell-" she paused, as her breath caught in her throat, and slowly turned around, to meet Angel's piercing eyes. She lowered the phone from her ear, turning it off, and let it fall to the floor, unable to take her eyes off the vampire.

"Buffy?" he finally said her name. When she didn't answer, he started climbing out of the bed, but was stopped with a firm gesture of her hand. "That's close enough," she managed, sniffing back tears she didn’t want him to see. Angel gazed at her quizzically, but staid put. "Y-you m-move again, I…I-I'll kill you…I swear," she stammered, and her eyes briefly scanned the room for a stake or anything else she could use, even knowing she wouldn't be able to actually *use* it, but she came up with nothing anyway.

"Buffy…" he tried to speak, hoping he was allowed to do that much, "what's going on here, what's hap-" his eyes lay on the rumpled bed, and just as fast, he became aware of what exactly it smelled of. And he smelled, and *she* smelled…she was allover him, just like he was allover her. "Oh God," he murmured, instinctively reaching for his boxers and pulling them on under the covers. "Buffy," he attempted to get closer again, but she darted back. "Don't talk to me!" she held out her hand, as though to keep him away, "D-don't touch me. *Don't* touch me," she panted.

"Okay," he remained sitting on the bed. "Look at me. I'm not…I'm not moving, I'm staying right here-"

"No," she whispered, shaking her head, as her tears finally started to overflow. She averted her eyes from him, backing further away until there was nowhere to go anymore. "I'm…I'm…stay away from me..." "Buffy, no…" Angel reached out his hand, but that gesture only made her press herself to the wall behind her. He pulled back his hand, giving up any chance to touch her. "Buffy, look at me," he pleaded quietly. "Please…Buffy, *look at me*. Buffy…" "Stop saying my name-"

"Look at me! Please…"

She swallowed, slowly raising her eyes from the floor to meet his. "Angel," she whispered softly, when after a few moments, the veil of fear in her orbs gradually dissolved into nothing. "Angel…"

He released a sigh of relief. "I don't…I don't remember," he rubbed his head. "I know what happened, but…"

"I don't either," she acknowledged, sitting down on the bed next to him. "But it did. It happened and you…" she reached for his hand, as her eyes found his again and she took a moment to simply look into them, "you're you. You're not changed. How can…I don't understand…there's no clause?"

"No, there's still…there's still the clause, I'm pretty sure…"

"Angel," she was suddenly hit with a realization, "what if you're not…him…*yet*?"

* * * * *

Buffy put down the receiver and turned to look at the gang assembled in the Hyperion lobby, Angel included. "Okay…good or bad news first? And there's…news in between, too."

"I'd say you two've covered the all possible bad news for the century," Cordelia glanced between the vampire and the Slayer, "so why don't you go with the good?"

"We were drugged!"

"Sure! You keep saying that, but that had to be *some* drug to not be rejected by *your* bodies. And not to burst your bubble or anything, but what makes you so special for someone to go through all these trouble just to-"

Everyone glared at her pointedly.

"Point taken."

Buffy sighed. "Good news is that I managed to…*talk* to Willow this time, which involved…listening to what she had to say."

"And?" Cordelia motioned with her hand to proceed.

"And…that's it. That's the good news. The bad news is that…there's a problem."

"What problem?!" Cordelia stood up. "You couldn't keep your hormones in check and now my boss is going evil *again*. She fixed it the first time, she better do it again."

"She doesn't have the supplies, Cordelia," Buffy hissed, quickly losing her patience with the ex-cheerleader, even though she knew she was definitely the one to blame for everything that had happened. Whatever had happened between her and Angel, *she* was the one who was supposed to prevent it from happening, given the fact *he* was in no state to use clear judgement. "There apparently isn't a single Thesulah Orb in the entire Sunnydale when it's needed!"

"What's the third option?" Gunn asked. The Slayer looked at him. "You said there was bad news, which we heard, and we heard the good news. What's the other news?"

"Oh. Well…she and Tara, that's…another witch, never mind," she restlessly waved her hand. "Anyway, they said they were digging the books ever since I called and…there was no Orb to be found, and they found another spell that could work. It's dangerous, so…they don't really wanna use it, besides, they never did it, so…"

"What's it do?"

"I didn't really…get the details, but…basically, they can create a time loophole, erase an event of history, like it never happened…."

Cordelia turned to look at Angel, who was trying to hide himself from her gaze as if knowing it'd come, and her eyes filled with genuine compassion. She sighed, and looked back at the Slayer. "Maybe…maybe it's not such a good idea to…do that again…*at all*," she amended quickly, "do that at all. Turning back time…bad idea. Besides, we can always curse him again later when they find that...Orb thingie and…"

"If I change, you'll be too dead to curse me again *later*," Angel looked up at her. "My demon has a tendency to learn from past mistakes, especially now that I know what you're planning to do."

"Buffy…time-spells are very dangerous, the repercussions of erasing a single act, and I'm not even talking about *everything* that ever happened that moment-"

"Me neither…"

"Buffy," Wesley interrupted her to continue what he had to say, "a *single* act, if it's erased, the repercussions of it throughout history can be enormous, are you sure you understand that? Are you sure there is no other way to…"

The pained look in the Slayer's eyes spoke volumes, and he sighed in defeat, dropping any attempt to convince her. "Okay, so should we…chain him to the bed or something now?" Gunn asked everyone, when it became clear that one of the spells, whichever could be done first, was their only option.

"I-I…suppose," Wesley stammered, awkwardly glancing at Angel. "We don't know when the curse can be lifted, it hasn't happened yet, but it can happen any minute now..."

"No one is chaining me nowhere," Angel stood up, heading towards the entrance to the hotel.

"Angel-"

"Sun is down, Wesley," the vampire stopped and turned around, "I can finally move freely and do whatever I want without bursting into flames. If I stay here and change here *and* want out of these chains, they won't hold me, and you all know that."

"So your great plan is to run loose, and when you're finished with the main course, come back here for desert?"

Gunn and Wesley turned to look at Cordelia. "Hey, *I* was there when he went bad the first time, one way or another, his murderous alter-ego is gonna come after his friends, I know. So does she," she gestured at the Slayer and all eyes turned to her. "I won't come back here, Cordelia," Angel finally spoke again, "*if* I change. At least not for a while."

"There's an *if* now?" the brunette gave him a look, putting her hands on her hips. "I don't remember an if...is that another clause? Where did we get an if?"

"Cordelia, it's been hours…"

"And?!"

"And if to judge by last time, it should have happened already. I...I think I know who's behind this. And that's where I'm going."

"Angel," Wesley made a few steps in his direction, "maybe it'd help if you shared your thoughts with us? We could…"

"Help? No trust me, you can't. I have to do it on my own." He turned to leave again, but was stopped, this time, by Buffy.

"You're *not* leaving this hotel alone," she stated unequivocally.

They held each other's gaze for a long moment, until Angel broke the contact and in a flash, was gone.

* * * * *

"I've been expecting you," Lindsey leaned back in his chair, folding his arms on his chest, as Angel entered his office and closed the door behind him. Behind the blank _expression in his eyes he wasn't at all happy with the fact *he* was chosen for this job.

"Is that so? Well, you almost ruined me the surprise, I started to get suspicious when no guard tried to stop me."

"Like I said," the lawyer stood up and walked around his desk, "you were expected. Sorry your girlfriend couldn't be here for the occasion, I guess she got tired of waiting."

"Right…" the vampire mused, as his eyes roamed aimlessly around the office. "Seems like she's gonna miss the show. Not too bad for her though, cuz you know what?" he sharply turned to Lindsey. "I'm not the one you've all been waiting for." He grabbed the man by the throat and shoved him back into his chair, "You and I don't need an introduction, do we, Lindsey?" he smirked, glancing at the man's prosthesis, "How's the hand doing?"

"What the Hell…" Lindsey tried to stand up, but Angel pushed him back down.

"I should've known from the start it was one of your little stuns, I guess I was too *drugged* to see the tag with your name on it, not my fault. You know, you…all of you, you fucked up my head in almost every way possible, I gotta hand you that, *but*," he spun around, locking eyes with the man, grinning, "you should have tried harder."

"So you're not changed," Lindsey finally spoke, his voice even and nonchalant, "remind me then, what the Hell are you doing here? Came to rub it in my face?"

"Too old for that."

"Are you now? Because if that's the case, not to spoil your fun, but I couldn't care less. I'm not the one thinking up plans, I'm the one executing them, and I did my part. The rest is not my business, believe it or not, it wasn't even my idea. If it were up to me, you'd be chained up in some cave and I'd be burning this soul out of you with the one hand I got left and hot pokers…or whatever else that works."

"You're very noble," Angel acknowledged with a nod, "but nobility usually goes together with brain and you…" he shook his head in mocking disappointment, "you sadly lack the other half of the package."

"Enlighten me," Lindsey grinned, unimpressed.

"Lindsey, Lindsey, Lindsey…" the vampire chuckled, examining the various items on the lawyer's desk. "When I first met you and found out you were working for Wolfram and Hart, I thought you were an idiot. When you sold your soul for a six-figured salary the second time…I thought you're an idiot who couldn't recognize a chance to save his own sorry ass even if it hit him in the face. But after this…after this, I just think you're an asshole. Let me ask you one personal question, Lindsey. Have you *ever* loved somebody?"

"No," he answered curtly.

The vampire examined him for a second. "As always, you're lying, but I guess that quality comes with the office. And since I don't really care, I'm gonna let it drop. *Sex*, Lindsey, doesn't make me lose my soul. If it did, it'd be gone the first time I slept with Darla after I'd been cursed with it. And guess what, sex with Buffy doesn't make me lose my soul either. Actually, you know, for…for a *long* while, I thought like you, that all I needed was to jump somebody's bones and no more curse. But you know what? That's *not* all. There's this little detail you and your scheming gang overlooked, the little 'moment after', also called a moment of happiness, Lindsey. That I only have with Buffy…and *that's* the key."

The smile vanished from Angel's face and his _expression was, for the first time, so painfully serious, Lindsey felt these dark eyes were piercing their way all through his very soul.

"I need to thank you, Lindsey," Angel resumed his speech. "*You* screwed your own plan, thanks to *you* I still have my soul. Because you know what the trick is? That one tiny moment of happiness, the one that sets the demon free…I was too drugged, by *you*, to be able to feel. So tell me, how did you idiots expect me to experience one moment of true happiness when I didn't even know what was going on? So…again," he leaned closer and put his hands on Lindsay's shoulders, looking him in the eye, "thank you."

"You're not getting out of here alive, you know that, unless you manage to fight your way out," Lindsey remarked, as Angel was on his way to the door.

"As much as I'm sure you'd love to, I *don't* think your boss will appreciate the idea of me being dead."

"I'm in a sudden mood to game," the lawyer shrugged indifferently, picking up the phone.

"Wouldn't do that, if I were you," the vampire warned him. "I got a Slayer waiting right outside your door. Me and her together…the odds aren't looking up for you, really." With that, he closed the door behind him.

Part 12

"You mind if I help you brood?"

Angel looked over his shoulder and stood up. "Hey…brood?"

The Slayer smiled and, shutting the door behind her, sat down on one of the steps leading down to the patio. "Just thought I could keep you company, you know…you can go ahead and brood, I'll just…sit here." She asked him with her eyes to sit down next to her and he did.

"It's pretty here," she observed, looking around.

Angel didn't say anything, just stared ahead.

Finally, Buffy sighed and looked up at him. "Are you okay?"

"Okay?" he echoed.

"It's been…a pretty intense few hours for…all of us."

"Not like it was for you," he said.

She looked down from him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I freaked like that, I was just…I don't know what I was," she looked back up. "I was scared, for…for you, for me, for…everyone, I was just scared. I didn't know…"

"*I* know when I have a soul," he interrupted her, "I also know when I don't. *You* can't."

"But I should have," she whispered. "I should have known…instead I threatened to stake you. I should have seen…"

"You did."

"Yeah," she sighed, a bit sarcastically. "Didn't I?" "It's not your fault…"

"Yep, that part we pretty much covered with you paying a not too friendly visit to that lawyer guy. Coming to think of it, maybe you should have spared him the news though."

"What do you mean?" he frowned.

Buffy shrugged, "Just that…I don't think it was the smartest move you ever made, telling him what exactly triggered your curse. Obviously they had no idea, and…now they do have…an idea, which is…bad…for us," she stammered, unsure of what exactly she meant to say. "Or…for you. There's one bright spot though, it should make them drop the whole Darla thing, since now they know there's no chance you'd lose your soul with her and all."

"I don't even know if that was really what they had in mind when bringing her back," the vampire contemplated quietly. "There are…so many things that aren't falling into place now, even more than before, too many things that are unclear to me…too many things I don't know," he exhaled, combing his long fingers through his hair and burying his face in his hands.

"Me, too," the Slayer whispered, putting a hand on his crouched back. "But I guess we can just wait and see. Maybe we're completely out of trouble, maybe we're not at all, maybe…I don't know what. Angel?"

He looked up.

"I kinda…" she averted her eyes for a second, then looked back at him, clearly struggling with whatever she wanted to say, "I kinda wish I could…know what I was doing…when I did that. Do you?"

"I…Buffy, I…I really better not…"

She nodded, "Right."

Angel touched her arm, making her look at him, "I didn't mean-"

"It's okay," she smiled, but her smile was fake. "You're right. Besides, even if you weren't, I shouldn't have asked."

He let go and looked away from her. "I'm just…too messed up now. I don't seem to be able to think clearly about anything, let alone think about *us*, in *any* sense of the word. Right now, every second of my life, I'm trying not to make things worse than they are, and…in our case, I simply can't afford that. Hell, I never could, even when Darla was out of the picture."

"It's because of her?-"

"Buffy, we *slept together* because of her. You came here because of her, and because you came here they dragged you into this. It was never supposed to happen. And if it hadn't been for the drugs, it never would have."

"I guess it wouldn't have. I *know* it wouldn't have," she mused, then looked up. "But it did," she whispered, angling her face up and meeting his lips in a tender kiss.

"Buffy!" Angel pulled back in surprise, even though at first he'd welcomed it. "What are you-"

"What you want me to," she said, her voice indicating she wasn't sorry. "You know you do-"

"It doesn't matter," he backed away some more. "It never did, it hasn't changed."

"No, it doesn't. But you know something? Nothing ever really does anymore. I know what you're gonna say, that if we let ourselves go through with it, it'll be harder to break it later on, because eventually, we'll have to. But *that* doesn't matter. We don't need to be in the same room to want each other, Angel, I *know* that, you know that, too. We can be two driving hours away and still want each other just as badly. So you know what? I don't care. For the little time that I'm here, I *want* what I can't have once I'm gone again. I don't want to sleep with you, I don't want commitment from you, I don't want you to promise me we'll get back together, I know my lines and I know which ones are crossable and which ones aren't. As far as I can see right now, there's no happy ending for us anywhere in sight. I'm not living in a bubble. But I also know…that in spite of everything that's going through your head right now…you know, just like I do, that it will hurt so much more if I leave, *when* I leave, without us having made the best of the time we had. It's been almost two years since I kissed you," she finished in a soft whisper.

Angel gazed at her tenderly, his eyes piercing deep into hers, into her soul, into the meaning behind her words. He hesitantly reached up his hand and ran his fingers through her blond hair, clearing it away from her face, but then he pulled his hand back, not saying a word.

Buffy smiled slightly. "You can go on brooding now. Maybe, with luck, you'll have the time to brood about it, too." She moved closer to him and inclined her head on his shoulder.

Angel glanced at her blond crown, inwardly trying to guess what was in her eyes, since now he couldn't see them anymore, then focused his gaze on the wall across the patio, drifting back into his thoughts, of which he had now twice as many.

* * * * * *

"They amaze me," Cordelia observed, while watching the vampire and Slayer's backs from the glass doors overlooking the garden.

They had been talking at first, but that hadn't lasted longer than several minutes, then they were just sitting, close together, with her head resting on his shoulder, until his hand gradually traveled behind her back and wrapped itself around her. Their body language, their every gesture, indicated on growing closeness, growing passion. There was a spark between them only someone who knew what to look for could detect, because it was so powerful it was unbelievable to the unknowing eye.

"Why's that?" Gunn asked from the couch, while finishing a yet another sandwich and appearing not particularly interested in discussing the subject of Buffy and Angel with Cordelia.

But she clearly decided to disregard the note of indifference in his voice. "I knew she was trouble the moment she walked through that door, but *no one* would listen to *me*! These two are deadly." She moved back from the window and took a seat next to Gunn.

"She helped the man. Don't know anything about what you're saying, wasn't there the first time around. I've got no idea what he'd be like without her, but I'm thinking much worse. Whatever his girl did to him, I'm glad she did it."

Cordelia groaned. "Which part of I-was-almost-eaten-by-my-boss-today did you not get?!"

"Without her, I could have been eaten long before now."

"Fine," she sighed, "so maybe things would be worse if she didn't show up, but we *don't* know that! And yeah, the part of me that is…me prefers him going at it with Buffy rather than Darla, don't even ask me why. But fact is, Buffy *always* equals trouble. When they're apart, he sometimes gets all broody, which is annoying, but at least safe. When they're together, they go all Romeo and Juliet, with the only difference that the ones who eventually wind up dead are *us*. So personally, I'm not looking forward to the big finish."

"Right," Gunn considered, not threatened by her speech at all. "So I say we grab her and her stuff and shove them out the door. Then he can go on chasing that Darla chick and snap at us when his self control takes time off, since we sent the only person who can keep him together back home, until he gets tired of us and fires us, that's in the best case."

The brunette rolled her eyes. "Look at them," she gestured outside. "They've just *slept* together. Instead of learning the lesson and embracing it, they keep pushing the boundaries! If at least one of them had half a brain, they'd move to different planets! But no! Why learn from my near-death experience when we can go groping in the garden?"

"So far, her influence on him has been nothing but good," Wesley joined the conversation. "That aside, both Angel and Buffy are adults and eventually will make the right choices. And until they do, I trust they'll avoid making the wrong ones."

"Well, we had a pretty close call today, Wes, I think it's safe to say the *wrong* ones have already been made."

The former Watcher glanced outside the glass doors at the couple, then turned back to his co-workers. "Angel is not to be trusted at this time, I agree," he said, his voice lower than usual. "But I think we *all* agree that in clear mind, Buffy would have never let this happen."

"Really?" Cordelia folded her arms on her chest, a challenging glint in her eyes. "Clear mind or not clear mind, she *did* let it happen. And now, instead of doing everything not to let it happen again, they seem pretty cuddly to me!"

Wesley glanced over at the couple in question again. "I think…I think that perhaps that sort of closeness is what Angel needs the most right now. He needs someone by his side, someone he can talk to…someone who can understand."

"And you're saying we can't?"

His gaze drifted towards Buffy and Angel again, "Obviously not enough…"

* * * * * *

"How do you think she's gonna take it?"

Buffy raised her head from his shoulder to look him in the eye. "She?"

"Darla," he said. "How'll she take what happened or…didn't happen?"

She sighed. Angel's Sire definitely wasn't her daily subject of choice. "Hard to tell. If to judge by our last meeting, I'm not exactly her favorite person in the whole wide world, so I don't think she was ever *thrilled* from the idea of you and I…you know," she made a gesture with her hand, "not even to get Angelus back. But…she won't be happy," Buffy considered eventually, a little smile playing in the corners of her mouth, "in…a nutshell. You know, I-I don't really know her that well actually…"

"I'm sorry," he interrupted her.

"What-"

"You don't wanna talk about Darla. I'm sorry."

"Well, she's not on my favorites' list, but as I already said, that's mutual. It doesn't mean I can't talk about her. Besides, I talked about her before," she snuggled closer under his arm, taking his other hand in hers. "I'm still alive, don't I?"

Angel looked down at his hand, as Buffy started casually playing with his fingers, but made no attempt to pull it back from her.

"I think there are other stuff you wanna talk about besides Darla's reaction though," the Slayer prompted after a while.

"Such as?"

"I think that's where you step in," she smiled.

Angel looked away with a sigh. "I don't understand something and…it bothers me. Darla…she'd been back for months. Could they…bring her back soulless, is that even possible? She's a human being, she has a soul. How can it be that after all this time, she still can't feel…anything? When I…"

"You *aren't* Darla. And Darla is not you. You're not the same-"

"But we are. We were both vampires and we both got our souls back, the only difference is that…one of us is human," he added quietly. "But in the sense I'm referring to, we *are* the same. But she…she doesn't feel anything. Yeah, it took time for me, too. But that time was insignificant, minutes only. Not longer than minutes before *everything* I've done in a hundred and fifty years came crushing down on my soul at once."

The Slayer clasped his hand gently and he looked at her for a moment, then down at their joined hands. "She has four hundred years. Four hundred...and it seems it doesn't mean…anything."

"You thought you could help her. That you could save her soul…"

He nodded.

"But not every damsel needs to or wants to be rescued, Angel," she finished.

The vampire grinned ruefully to himself, "Someone told me that once."

"Someone knew what he was talking about…unless it was a she," the Slayer frowned slightly. "I know you want to protect her, you feel it's your duty to protect her to prevent her from going through the same thing you had to. But no matter how good your intentions are, even you can't save everyone. And Darla…when and if it happens," she put a hand on his cheek, turning his face to her. "I can't promise you she'll want your help."

"But what if she does?"

"If she does…she'll come here, and you'll give it to her. I know you will." She paused. "If she does."

"If she does," he repeated her words to himself. And after a moment, stood up.

"Ready to go back inside?" Buffy asked, still sitting.

Angel just stretched his hand out for her and she took it, letting him help her up to her feet.

* * * * * *

"If you wanna talk about anything else, you know that you can, don't you?" she said, as they entered the lobby together, holding hands.

"I know," he nodded.

"Just checking," she flashed him a grin.

Suddenly, Angel stopped, causing Buffy to do the same.

"What's wrong?" she looked up at him, then followed his gaze to the couch. "Willow?"

The witch stood up, smiling shyly, and approached the couple. There was something else in her smile Buffy couldn't quite understand.

"We were about to call you two," Cordelia said from the counter, where she was with Gunn and Wesley.

"What's up?" the Slayer eyed the three suspiciously, then turned to look at her best friend. "Will?"

Willow's eyes nervously darted between Buffy and Angel, before she finally said, "I-I have something to tell you."

"Something you…had to drag yourself all the way to LA in the middle of the night because you couldn't tell me over the phone?"

"It's not just for you," her gaze briefly moved from Buffy to Angel, then back to Buffy. "And I better do it in person. Trust me."

Part 13

"Not just for me?" Buffy asked, carefully eyeing her friend. "For…Angel and me?" she threw the most probable guess.

Willow nodded. "Okay. So what's up? You look like you're about to tell us we're dying."

"Dying? No one's dying…I…hope. I already promised Tara I was coming back," she remarked, a mischievous _expression on her face Buffy knew only too well.

"What did you do?" she let go of Angel's hand to fold her arms on her chest expectantly.

"Do?" Willow asked innocently, though the tone of her voice was everything but. "I didn't do anything, honest. I…found something out. Tara and I, actually."

"Willow, you're a horrible liar, especially when you're trying to lie to someone who knows you're a horrible liar. Something *what*?" the Slayer grilled.

"I-I didn't do anything," the redhead held her hands up in defense. "I really didn't."

"Why so nervous?" her friend grinned knowingly.

Willow opened her mouth, but didn't say anything for several moments, just held it open. "Because…I don't know how you're gonna take it."

"Which brings us back to square one, what is *it*?"

The two women looked at each other for several moments, before Willow burst into a wide grin. "Angel!" her gaze flew from the Slayer to the vampire. "Hi! I never said…hi!"

Angel eyed her strangely, not knowing what to make of it. "Hey, Willow," he replied after a while, still confused.

"How are yo-"

"Will!" Buffy's tone made it clear she was done waiting.

The witch glanced around, taking in the presence of Gunn, Cordelia and Wesley. "Can we go somewhere…else?" she quietly asked Angel and Buffy.

"We can use my room," the vampire suggested.

"And what about us exactly?" Cordelia asked, not too happy with the concept of being left out.

"We need Wesley, too," Willow looked at the former Watcher. "Might...need."

"M-me?" he stuttered, surprised. "Hey, why does he get to be in the mix?" Cordelia protested. "I wanna know, too!"

"Because he can answer questions," Willow started, but never finished. "If there will be any," she added quietly, throwing a glance towards the Slayer.

"I can answer questions, too!"

"Cordy," Buffy shot her a look and the brunette rolled her eyes, backing off. "Wes, you're coming?" she looked at the former Watcher.

"S-sure," he followed the trio up the stairs.

* * * * * *

"Okay, Will," Buffy was the last to enter the room and closed the door behind her, "start spilling."

"You…you wanna sit down first," Willow advised. "You wanna sit down, too," she told Angel.

The vampire and the Slayer exchanged a look but did as asked and both sat on Angel's bed.

Willow studied them for a long moment, inside trying to decide the best way to break them the news. All the times she'd rehearsed that conversation on her way over were suddenly forgotten and she was unable to put two rational words together. She glanced at Wesley, who was standing away, leaning against the wall, also waiting for her to speak.

"Willow?" finally, Angel prompted her to start.

She took a deep breath and swallowed hard, before determinedly looking up at the couple. "Remember that spell I told you Tara and I found when…we couldn't go on with the original Gypsy curse?" she asked Buffy, and the blonde nodded. "You don't need to do that anymore, I should have…I should have called you, just…with everything that happened, I forgot," she apologized. "Angel didn't lose his soul and he's not going to."

"Right," the witch acknowledged. "That's good. Because that spell would have been useless in your case anyway."

"What do you mean, our case?" Buffy wanted to know.

"Never mind that you wanted to, you *didn't* call us. So, hearing nothing from you, Tara and I thought something happened and…I know we agreed we'd wait for you to give us the go to pursue with that spell, but…we were worried and…we thought the worst happened..."

"What did you do?" Buffy suddenly felt her heart start racing faster and faster. The tone of Willow's voice could mean nothing good in store.

"We did the spell…"

"No, you didn't, I still know-"

"Wait," the redhead interrupted her with a gesture of her hand. "Let me finish. We *tried* doing the spell, we had all the right ingredients, said all the right words. But it didn't work. It wouldn't channel. I panicked immediately, I thought we made the worst worse. But Tara…she knew what to do, *luckily*. In spells, you sometimes can trace back to the energy source-"

"Will," Buffy cut in. "No Wiccan stuff, please. Don't know it, not getting it. Cut to the chase."

"Right," Willow took another deep breath. "Chase. I-I can't, I need to…I'll try to explain this. Every spell has an energy source, it needs that energy to be channeled. There are two types of spells, the Wiccan ones are confined to the laws of nature, they're not dark, t-they must respect the Wiccan Oath."

"Oath?"

"Never try to overpower the laws of nature," Wesley answered the Slayer's question, then turned to the witch for confirmation, "am I right?"

She nodded, "Kinda."

"Basically, Wicca is not dark magick, it's pure, its essence is of good. The oath binds them to work within the laws of nature, which forbids any magick that interferes with life and death, with growth with…whatever other natural process. Wiccans who cast these sorts of spells renounce the oath and basically turn to dark magick."

"Okay…so…where does it all lead to?" Buffy felt she was only thrown more, if that was possible, after that detailed explanation.

"The time-spell we were trying to do was dark magick," Willow explained. "But we wanted to be as safe as possible...circumstances given, anyway, that's why we also used a Wiccan protection spell simultaneously. That was the reason the spell wouldn't channel. It wasn't safe."

"I think we know that, Will," Buffy observed.

"No, I don't mean that part. I mean…the magick wouldn't channel itself because the protection spell blocked it. When Tara traced it back to the source…she found out why."

"And…you're about to tell us?"

Willow gulped. "Well the…t-the not messing with life and death part? That's what stopped it. We couldn't erase what you did because…" She paused, her eyes wandering over the couple to see if they were following, but they both seemed to be at loss, having not the slightest idea what she could be talking about. "We couldn't erase the…life that was created. We couldn't undo something like that, it's beyond our reach."

Buffy sprang from the bed and started restlessly pacing the bedroom, as Willow's words sank in, and all eyes turned to her. "Say that *again*?"

"A-all of it?" the witch hesitated.

The Slayer let out a short nervous laugh, "The new life part would do."

"I told you I didn't know how to say this, I didn't know how you'd take it…"

"How am I *supposed* to take it?! This is…*insane*, this is absurd*-"

"These spells are never wrong, Buffy-"

"But they are!" the Slayer exclaimed breathlessly. "They are! They *have to* be! Everything is wrong, everything is…this is absurd, Will, do you even realize what you're saying?!"

"We checked two times-"

"Check again!"

"We checked *six* more times, it's not a mistake. Everything makes sense…"

"In which alternate reality?" Buffy snapped. "God, this is," she brought her hand to cover her eyes with a groan and Angel caught her in the last second before she was about to lose balance.

The Slayer leaned her weight on the vampire, resting her head on his chest with a sigh and clasped her hands into fists by the sides of her face.

Angel enclosed his arms around her, randomly stroking her back. "Are you sure about it?" he asked Willow.

"As sure as it gets," she replied confidently. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say…I'm happy for you? Or…I'm sorry? What am I supposed to say?"

"How about 'I take it all back'?" Buffy offered, disconnecting herself from Angel and sitting back down on the bed.

"Buffy-"

"I'm a *Slayer* who, according to you, got knocked up by a vampire!" she gestured at Angel. "He shoots blanks, how could he get me pregnant?!"

"It…didn't say?" Willow suggested lamely.

"Well then *you* say! Tell me how this is possible, and while you're at it, *please* tell me what I'm supposed to do now. And *please* tell me what's inside of me!"

"I-I don't know," the witch whispered apologetically.

"Well then take me to someone who does!" she demanded, almost hysterically, wrapping her arms around her middle. "Because whatever it is-"

"It's good."

Three pairs of eyes lay on Wesley at once.

"Good?" the Slayer asked huskily. "How can…something that's born from a Slayer and a demon…*can't* be good."

"She's right," the vampire confirmed quietly. "To-to explain *how* it happened in the first place is beyond everything I can think of, but...it can't-" he sat down on the bed, nervously running his hands through his spiky hair. "I'm so sorry..."

Buffy turned to him and sighed, taking one of his hands off his head into her lap and clasping it gently. "I don't..."

"I can't father anything good," he muttered, his face still away from her, partly hidden in the palm of his other hand.

"But you did, it...it is," the Englishman smiled. "Angel, you're the vampire with a soul, you appear in countless prophesies, yes, you are a demon, but you are also a Warrior for the Good Fight, like you," he gestured at Buffy with his hand as he spoke, "in service of The Powers That Be. You are the Slayer, the Chosen One to fight evil. The Slayer, Buffy, is the very essence of good. This child cannot be evil. He or she cannot be a demon either, because his only demonic heritage is of a vampire. But he can't be a vampire, it's biologically impossible, a vampire's body doesn't grow, it doesn't change, which is why while inside you, being a vampire, this infant cannot only grow, but for the same reasons, can't even be conceived. But it was. Buffy…this child is good. And it's human. He…or she…is a miracle," he smiled in awe.

"Miracle," Buffy murmured, looking down on her still flat abdomen. "I'm so scared," she whispered, without looking up, let go of Angel and wrapped her arms around herself.

No one moved for several minutes of silence, several minutes that everyone present in the room took to also absorb the news and everyone's reaction to them.

Finally, the vampire wordlessly looked up at the Slayer and gently raised her chin so she would look at him. She did, but didn't say anything.

"We'll deal," he promised weakly, though inside he was struggling not to fall apart. Too many things had happened to him the past few days, starting with her arrival. He remembered the time when it used to be just Darla and his obsession with her with an almost sick longing. He didn't know what he was going to do now, didn't know what *they* were going to do. He didn't know anything. And though the unknowing shouldn't be a strange feeling to him, it scared him every time as though it was the first. He never felt weaker than when he tried to pretend being stronger. And now most importantly, he wouldn't be able to rely on her anymore. Now, they were going to have to rely on each other. And *he* wasn't ready for that. They weren't ready for that. They weren't ready at all. Still, he pulled her to him, gingerly pressing her to his chest with growing possessiveness, as he tightened his arms around her.

Part 14

"Busy?" Willow walked up behind Buffy, who was sitting on her windowsill, overlooking the patio, her legs pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them.

She only briefly looked up from the window, tilting her head 'no'. "Thinking."

"Thinking?" the witch walked up to her and occupied the empty space. "Wouldn't you guys prefer thinking together?" she gesticulated with her head down on the vampire sitting alone in the garden.

The blonde shrugged. "He wanted to be alone…so I let him."

"And now you're sitting up here spying on his lonesome?"

Buffy smiled. "No spying was never mentioned in the agreement. Anyway, he's brooding…doesn't really need me for that. I wouldn't wanna intrude on his private moments with the edited list of his past sins and his attempts to atone for them. And somewhere in between I'm pretty sure there's the question of how can he possibly deserve the gift of fatherhood."

"That's gonna be one busy brooding," Willow observed.

"Piece of cake for him, really," Buffy waved her hand, then sighed. "He'll be half done by…morning. Until then…I got some brooding of my own to do."

"You want me to go?" "No," Buffy pouted, tugging at her arm. "I can use my best Willow."

The witch beamed, invitingly patting on her lap.

Buffy exhaled and lay her head there, curling her legs up in the remaining space on the sill. "I don't know what to do, Will," she said quietly, tucking stray locks of hair behind her ear so that it wouldn't fall down on her face. "I don't…I don't remember ever being so helpless."

"You're not helpless," Willow protested. "You'll never be, you know that."

"I don't know that, that's the problem. What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to come home?"

"If you don't want to take the bus…"

"Willow!" the Slayer moaned her name.

The witch smiled in return. "You'll come back. The same way you wanted to come back before everything that happened. Nothing changed, Buffy."

"How'd you figure that? I already see myself telling Xander everything, and my blood runs cold. And then there's Giles, and there's mom…God, she'll never let me off the hook with this, and I'm talking in the worst possible *never* sense."

"You don't know that," Willow tried to soothe her, inwardly knowing she wasn't really helpful.

"On top of everything, she doesn't need that now," Buffy continued. "With her headaches or…whatever they are, the last thing she needs is me announcing I'm pregnant. And now, holding to that thought, maybe I better reveal the father's identity only after the baby's born," she added after a pause. "Either that, or a one way ticket to the white room for mommy."

Willow giggled and Buffy playfully smacked her knee.

"I'm sure your mom's gonna be supportive," the redhead said. "As supportive as she can, anyhow. She's not that bad."

"Yeah, and Angel *always* was her favorite son in low," Buffy mocked, sighing. "She doesn't even know I broke up with Riley yet, who, by the way, *was* her ultimate idea for a son in low. I'm too deep in the woods…"

"You're deeper than you think," Willow muttered.

Buffy looked up at her, waiting for an explanation.

"Riley's still in town."

"What?!"

Willow nodded. "He intended to take off as soon as he came back from here, but he signed up for this mission in some rain forest or something, and…anyway, all I know is that they told him to wait like a couple of weeks before they come and pick him up. So basically, he's still there."

"Wonderful. Just when I dare to think that my life can't possibly get more perfect than it already is…check this out."

Willow patted her shoulder. "It can always get worse."

"I'd agree, but then you told me my ex was still in town. Doesn't get worse, Will. *Really* doesn't."

"You can…look surprised when you see him."

Buffy gave her a look. "I think he'll look surprised when he sees *me*, the house-sized me, anyway."

"I think it takes a little longer than two weeks to get that huge," her friend smiled supportively.

"'No, Buffy, you *won't* get that huge' would have worked just fine, too."

"You said it yourself, I'm a bad liar."

"No, now you're just being mean," Buffy smacked her knee again.

"I'm trying to cheer you up," Willow contemplated, combing her fingers through Buffy's hair. "Trying would be the key word here, mind that."

"Well, it's not working," the Slayer whispered, then sat up, looking out the window. "Great," she grumbled, when Angel turned out to be nowhere in sight. "I…I didn't ask for this, Willow. I didn't want it," she looked down at her stomach. "But at the same time…there's this tiny part of me that *does* want it…I don't even know what *it* is."

"Wesley said…"

"Wesley said what? Wesley's not the one who's gonna have to carry this kid for nine months, so yeah, he's a player. That, by the way, *assuming* it's gonna be only nine months. A Slayer and a vampire never set up home before so we can't exactly check if I fit into the statistics. Jesus…" she groaned.

"You want to…abort?"

Buffy's head shot up. "W-abort?"

Willow nodded.

"No, no way," the Slayer declined the suggestion without thinking. "I don't know what I want, but I do know it's not it. I can't do this. I can't do this to myself and…I can't do this to Angel. It's his child, Will. It's something…while I'm sitting here and whining about bad timing and my mom and my Watcher and my friends and my ex and…pretty much *everything*, he's trying to understand how he's come to deserve it in the first place. Wes said…he said this baby was a miracle. And he was right. I can't even begin to imagine what's going through Angel's head right now. He never though he could be a father, he never thought he could *give* life, to something good, no less. Whatever it is…for Angel, it's so much more than a miracle." She leaned her back against the wall and put her palms over her abdomen. "It's his salvation."

The witch smiled to herself. "Yeah. I guess it is."

"And still," she heard Buffy speak again and looked up at her. "I don't get it, I just can't…get it. Why would anyone want to bring a child into this world?"

Willow touched her arm, but Buffy pulled it back. "What's he gonna have, or she? I mean, really. A mom with a nightly super-job who's busy saving the world when she should do the three o'clock feeding, and an immortal creature-of-the-night dad. This world is full of evil, of monsters, death, pain, suffering…wouldn't this kid be better to never be born?" she whispered, her green eyes glazing with tears. "What can I give it? How can I be a mother? I'm not a mother, Will, I can't even protect it from the scary under the bed because I know it's real! *What* can I give this baby?"

"You can love it," the redhead suggested with a grin. "And you can just be Buffy. And Angel can just be Angel. None of you is alone in it, you're together. You're gonna do it together…"

"I'm not so sure about that."

"What?…"

"A baby doesn't necessarily bring people together, and I'm certainly not going to use this baby to bring Angel back to me."

"The way I see it, he'll come willingly," Willow remarked.

"Maybe he will. Maybe he won't. But I've grown out of making future plans for my vampire husband with whom I'm gonna live happily ever after in a house with a white picket fence, an annoying dog and three and a half kids. You're forgetting something, Will, baby or no baby, everything that drove him away the first time around still stands. Nothing's changed in that scenario. Except for the…baby."

"And that's not enough?"

Buffy didn't say anything for a while, just staring outside at the empty garden. "No," she answered finally.

* * * * * *

"At a point, when a person stands behind me for too long thinking I don't know he's there, it begins to annoy."

Wesley cleared his throat, making his presence noticeable. "I-I…I was wondering…"

"You were wondering for about ten minutes," Angel grumbled, not bothering to even turn around and look at him. "It doesn't take *me* nearly that long."

"Yes. Well…I was wondering…" the ex-Watcher stuttered, but made no move from where he stood. "Would you like to talk?…"

"And why would I want to do that?" the vampire stood up, but remained with his back to the ex-Watcher. "Why aren't you with Buffy?"

"I've been with Buffy more than enough for one day, wouldn't you agree?"

"Angel," Wesley made several hesitant steps over to him, but didn't come too close. "I-if you're looking for someone to lay the blame on, it-it wasn't your fault, nor…nor Buffy's."

He laughed at that, "But you see, Wes…given the fact I'm the father, I think I had at least a *tiny* role in the process."

"I-I meant…"

"I don't care. I don't wanna hear it, not interested. What I do want though, is to be alone." He nodded in the direction of the patio doors, "So you mind?"

"No," the former Watcher replied quietly, starting to go back the way he'd come, but abruptly, he stopped. "Yes," he declared firmly, turning back to Angel. "As a matter of fact, I *do* mind. Is that why she's not here? Because you told her not to?"

Angel looked at him for a long moment, then nodded, sitting back down.

"If you want my advice, Angel…"

"Never asked for it."

"*Still*, it's not a good time to push her away. You need each other. Neither one of you can go through it alone, and what's more important, neither one of you has to. Having someone you can always rely on is a privilege only few people have. You…you don't throw away something like that, you cherish it."

"*You* are not in the position to teach *me* about life," the vampire dismissed him harshly. "Two-hundred-and-forty-eight years into this world, I think I've proven more than enough how much I can handle my own."

"Yes," Wesley nodded. "Nearly a hundred years of which you also *spent* of your own, shunning from your own shadow. Then she came."

Angel chuckled, "Yeah. Then she came. And nothing made sense anymore."

"And ever since, you weren't alone anymore," Wesley completed. "You see…no matter how old you are, you always have something to learn from this world."

"I have nothing to learn from you," Angel huffed.

"W-well…perhaps," Wesley murmured, a bit hurt by Angel's statement. "But you learned…from her. And still, I don't see her here, do I? You don't have to be on your own-"

"I'm always on my own," the vampire whispered, looking down to the floor.

"It's not true."

He lifted his head again, meeting the man's eyes. "She doesn't want it," he said.

Wesley didn't understand. "What do you mean?"

"That baby. *My* baby…she doesn't want it. Buffy doesn't want it."

"You…you don't know that…"

"I know enough," Angel protested. "I'm not that blind. And I'm not that stupid. And the Hell with that, why *should* she want it?! What woman would want a demon to grow inside of her?"

"It's not-"

"Well, it's not your average human either, is it?"

Wesley finally closed the distance between them and sat down next to Angel. "She *never* viewed you that way, you should know it better than anyone. She loves you…"

"*And* after living in this world for two-hundred-and-forty-eight years, I also know that having a baby together doesn't necessarily have the first thing to do with love. She *doesn't* want my baby."

"Angel…"

"I've done so many things in my life…too many. I killed, maimed, wreaked havoc of any imaginable kind, you name it. I hurt so many people, took so many lives. And I can't change any of that. No matter how many good deeds I do, no matter how hard I try to make amends, I never will. I can never take it back. I can't undo even *one* thing. But then this happens, this child, that you say is good. It's something I did…and it's something good. I…*created* something good, I *gave* life to something…good." He stood up again, made a few steps, then stopped and turned around. "How it happened, I don't know. I-I don't even pretend I have the first idea where to begin to look, but…it did. And it's good. And it's *mine*. And she doesn't want it," he finished quietly.

"Did you ask her? Did you talk to her? Both of your emotions are running high now and it's only too expected. Have you even tried to understand her? Angel, she's scared, too. Like I said, pushing here away is not the solution. Maybe it looks like one now, but…" the former Watcher walked up behind the vampire and lay a hand on his shoulder. "You need to go through this together. You can't *assume* on the grounds of a hunch, you owe her as much as a chance to explain herself. You need to talk about it, both of you…"

"What can we possibly talk about?" Angel shook his hand off his shoulder, spinning around to face him. "What can I say, I'm *sorry* I knocked you up?! Great idea, Wesley!" he smirked. "You know what? I *am* sorry! And at the same time, a part of me is not. so what am I supposed to say? Besides…she just broke up with her boyfriend. Yeah, it wasn't exactly your forever-love ideal kinda relationship, but he was her boyfriend. They were together for a year, people bond in a year, in one way or another, they do. And before she can even take a second to get used to the idea, she finds herself pregnant, with my kid, no less. And you know something? I *don't* think it was anywhere in her future plans! And if that's not enough, her mom's…sick. Something's not right with her. She told me," he clarified at Wesley's questioning look. "So that means she's gotta be the grown up now, gotta be there for her mom and for Dawn. And she has college, on top of it all, *and* she's the Slayer. Forget want, she can't *afford* pregnancy right now! And I'm the one who got her into this mess!"

"Angel…not to state the obvious, but…there are forces involved here that are far more powerful than you, or Buffy. A conception of a child of a vampire and a Slayer cannot be purely biological, even assuming it is human-which it is," Wesley hurried to add before Angel could voice his thoughts. "What I'm trying to say is that this pregnancy, the conception itself, is a result of a direct intervention of a much higher power."

"The Powers that Be?" Angel suggested.

"It would be my most probable guess, yes."

"So basically, you're now telling me that the second she sets foot back in Sunnydale, every fiend on the Hellmouth will be after her because of my kid. Now she'll be twice the target she used to be as the Slayer."

"I-I…" the man subconsciously backed away from the vampire, while trying to find the right words to repair the damage he'd already made. "I didn't say that. But…yes, probably…yes. But still…Angel, this child, when it is born, it will have a huge role to play in this world, which as for now, we know nothing about. A vampire and Slayer's child is *not* conceived for no reason, and my guess is…he or she has a pretty good reason. If The Powers that Be went through all the trouble of creating him from a dead seed and putting him in the Slayer's body, he will be protected there *by* them. So will the mother."

"The Powers never did anything for me, why should I trust them to keep her safe now?"

"Because you traded your life for hers," Wesley replied, holding eyes with Angel throughout the entire sentence.

"How did you-Cordelia," the vampire smirked, shaking his head. "Of course."

"I'm sure she didn't-"

"Like I said, I don't trust them," Angel cut in, not willing to hear what he had to say. "Never did, never will," he turned to go back inside the hotel. "So you want to be the one to tell her?" he threw over his shoulder when Wesley started after him.

"I…"

"Make it good, tell her everything! That not only our kid has a contract out on him before it's even born, but while it's inside her, she's in the same danger."

* * * * * *

"Angel, it was a mere observation," Wesley tried to keep up with him as they entered the lobby. "I could be completely off the mark…"

"I'd say you hit the mark," Angel snapped back.

"There you are, I've been looking-"Cordelia stopped in mid sentence as the vampire pushed his way through her as if she were invisible and continued up the stairs.

"What did I do to him now?!" she exclaimed, locking eyes with Wesley, her gaze both hurt and furious at the same time.

"It's not you. He just…has a lot on his mind now. Give him time," was all he found himself able to say. "He'll come around."

"Give him time?! How much time are we talking here?! And when am I gonna know the news that drove my boss over the edge *again*?"

"Where is Gunn?" Wesley's question came completely off topic.

"Went home…Wes!"

"When he's ready," he said, gazing thoughtfully up the stairs when he'd last seen Angel. "When he and Buffy are ready, they'll let you know everything. They'll tell you…when they're ready."

The phone rang, interrupting their conversation and, groaning, Cordelia grabbed it. "What?! I mean, Angel Investigations, we- Darla?" she instinctively paled at the sound of the name.

"What?" Wesley rushed to her side.

The brunette lowered the received to her chest, covering it with her hand. "It's her!" she mouthed, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"W-what does she want?"

"Duh! Angel. And I don't wanna go out of limit and say she sounds…scared? Even helpless. She wants to talk to him."

Wesley looked up to the second floor. "What should we do?" Cordelia nudged his arm nervously, still gripping the receiver in her hands. "We can't call him downstairs…not now. Not at a time like this, he's…not now."

"Swell! What am I supposed to say to her, 'sorry, he'll call you back later'?!"

"You answered her!"

"I thought she was a client," she hissed, "not a four-hundred-years-old ex-vampire who recently turned human and the center of my boss' obsession! You talk to her," she shoved him the receiver. Wesley pushed it back, holding strong until Cordelia finally gave up. "Darla? Yeah, he-he…can't exactly talk right now. I don't know where he…is," she finished the sentence to herself. "She hung up."

Part 15

"What are you doing?" Buffy asked, when she found Angel in his room, drawing the curtains off the window. "Preparing to watch the sunrise," he replied evenly, then after a beat added, "Not in the death-wish sense of the word."

"Well that was the answer to my next question," she observed.

"I can take a little morning sun. It's not strong enough to harm me yet. After that, I'll play safe," he promised wryly, clearly wanting her to go so he could be alone. "So you don't have to worry."

"I-I wasn't…" she lied. "Why now?"

Angel eyed her strangely, then leaned his back on the window-frame, his eyes wandering off to the farthest spot in the horizon, where the pink was already brightening the black skies. "The way I hear it, sunrise has a tendency to take place in the pre-dawn hours."

Buffy nodded, moistening her lips, and slowly made her way over to where he was standing. She looked down on his hand and silently slipped hers in it. "I meant…why *now*?"

Angel sighed, then without looking down at her, said, "I can't watch the sun*set*, so it's as close as it gets for me. And I don't know why now, I just…wanted to. It almost makes me feel normal sometimes. Before the time comes when I gotta run for cover, anyway," he contemplated with bitter irony. "Why aren't you asleep?" he asked then, still not making eye contact.

She shrugged. "Don't know. I guess I'm just not tired. Which after everything that happened tonight, sounds only *too* weird. Maybe I'm just too…nervous to fall asleep. But that would call up for the inevitable question *why* I'm nervous, which I don't really know how to answer…"

"Buffy," he cut her short, finally looking down at her. His untypical almost annoyed gaze caught her off guard and she awkwardly pulled her hand out of his, wrapping her arms around herself and looking away. "Next time, just don't ask," she murmured.

The vampire intended to say something, but in the last minute, just looked away from her, folding his arms on his chest.

The Slayer looked up at his face and let out a short weary laugh. "Just let me get this…correct me if I'm wrong, is anyone *not* in your way nowadays? Myself included?"

Angel groaned, but didn't say anything.

"Can you at least do me the courtesy and honor me with a say…*response* when I'm talking to you? I don't even know what I'm doing wrong anymore! Considering everything that came toppling down on me tonight, I think I handled it pretty well, don't you?!"

"Buffy…"

"No, newsflash!" she smacked his arm, forcing him to look at her. "No one asked you to be with me around the clock, since I'm such a pain! But you *don't* get to diss me, Angel, you *don't* get to bail on me, not this time!" she spat, backing off as she spoke.

"I'm not-"

"You know something? I didn't sign up for a solo gig!" She roughly wiped the tears from her eyes, darting out of his reach wen he attempted to touch her. "You said we'd deal! *We*! Not *me*, *we*! Do you even remember that? *All this time*, I'm thinking what a selfish brat I'm being about it, while Angel this and Angel that, so who's the selfish now? I *know* you're in pain, I know this is hard on you, I *know* you didn't ask for it, and I know that what you're going through right now makes it even harder, but you're *not* the only one!" she exclaimed, not tearing her wide glazed eyes from Angel's. "I'm just as lost as you are, Angel. But you don't seem to care. Do you…even want it? Do you even want this baby, because I can- Angel…" her voice softened at the instant flash of pain and horror in his eyes before she even finished uttering the words.

The vampire grabbed her wrist before her hand could reach all the way to his face and held it firmly, his eyes piercing deep into hers until she could barely stand looking at him. "You can *what*?" he articulated gruffly.

"You're hurting me," she hissed, trying to pull her hand back, but he wouldn't let her.

"Say it."

"Let go," she squeezed through gritted teeth. When he still held on tight, she summoned her full Slayer strength and ripped her hand out of his grip, "Let go of me!" she shoved him flying across the room, until he collided with a drawer, knocking almost everything on it to the floor.

Angel laughed softly, not bothering to get up from where he landed. His eyes searched for hers in the moonlit room, until their gazes finally met, his indifferent, while hers tearful and wounded. "Finish it," he requested quietly.

"I didn't mean it," she replied, her voice trembling with each word.

"When you don't mean it, you don't say it," he dismissed.

She swallowed, trying to steady her voice but not showing any results. "At least it got your attention."

"Oh, I see," he smirked. "Here's a tip, honey, tying yourself up before a moving train is a far more efficient way to draw my attention." He scrambled up to his feet and, ignoring Buffy's eyes that followed his every move, strode to the window and pulled the curtains back together. "If you think you can barge in here and threaten me into doing whatever you want, or acting however you want, you've got another thing coming."

"I wasn't-"

"Let's make one thing straight, shall we?" he interrupted her. "I have no right *whatsoever* to tell you what to do. If you wanna kill my kid, then…" he swallowed, glancing down on her abdomen, "by all means," he gestured at their unborn child, but his hand started quivering in mid motion and he had to pull it back, "go ahead. I can't stop you, never could. It's your body. Everything is up to you, so…you work your judgement. Now leave me alone," he said, holding her gaze, as if challenging her to look away first.

"You really think I could do that?" she asked quietly, her hoarse voice reflecting the utter disbelief at the fact it even crossed his mind.

"I really think I don't care," he retorted, doing his best for his voice to back up his words.

Her orbs glared at him contemptuously. "You're an idiot."

He released a short laugh. "Two hundred plus years of my rep and that's the best you can do? Now, come on, for real now, you didn't ask for it, we all know that, so what's it gonna be?"

"What?"

"Doesn't get any clearer than that. I just wanna know. Being the father, I think I'm entitled to at least that much information. Is my baby gonna live…or is it gonna die? What's it gonna be?"

"How can you even ask me that?!"

His gaze softened in accord with his voice and he allowed genuine pain to enter his dark eyes, "This is my baby. You like it or not, but *I* put it in you. I have the right to know. Answer me…please."

She waited a moment, then asked, "You answer *me* first. Why are you hurting me?"

"Dammit, Buffy-"

"*Why* are you hurting me?!" her roughly steady voice transmuted into a sob as tears finally overflowed. "Ever since I came here, I manage to get through to you for about two minutes, and you're…mine again, I *know* that you're there, but then you treat me like dirt again! Why?!"

Holding her gaze, he repeated firmly, "Answer my question."

"If you're too stupid to already know the answer, not until you answer mine," she persisted.

He briefly looked down, then raised his eyes from the floor to meet hers again. There was no anger in them this time, no darkness…only pain. After a spell, he blinked, looking away again and, muttering something she couldn't understand, headed to the door. He never made it there though, because the Slayer grabbed his arm and, without meeting his eyes, pulled him back to the window. There, she let go and nodded pointedly at a large armchair standing nearby.

Angel sat in it and bent forward, burying his face in his hands. Buffy pulled the drapes apart again, revealing a dark-blue sky, instead of the black from the time before. She seated on the arm next to Angel, and planted a soft kiss on his skull, directing his head to lay on her shoulder as she dug her fingers in his hair.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, closing his eyes to prevent his tears from leaking out, but one still managed to escape and slowly trickled its way from the corner of his eye onto Buffy's shirt.

"Shh…" she whispered, and kissed his head again. "Look at me," she angled his chin up. "I *love* it. No matter what it is. Because it's yours…and because it's mine. I'm…*not* a mother, I…I don't know how a mother is supposed to feel, or act and…maybe I'll learn. I mean…no one's born with 'mommy' written on her forehead, right?"

Angel just looked at her.

"So maybe it's gonna take time for me to…figure out what to do and…how to do it. But I do know that the only way in which this baby is going to die will entail the activation of the next Slayer." Angel averted his gaze, feeling a shudder run through him at the thought alone.

"If you're asking me if, given the chance, I would pick a different time, different circumstances…I'm probably gonna have to say yes. I won't lie to you and tell you I'm completely happy with the way things turned out, because I'm not. While a part of me is happy, there's the other part, that just…wishes for things to have happened differently. But after a sleepless night, I can safely say that I've seen my situation from every possible perspective and…somehow, the good overthrows the bad," she smiled.

"Does it?" he asked hoarsely.

The Slayer nodded. "I'm glad it's you. And as cliche as it sounds…I wouldn't want it to be anyone else."

He chuckled softly, lifting his head from her shoulder and running a hand through his hair in frustration. "That's all very nice. But somehow I still can't help thinking things would have gone much better, if the father'd been someone-"

"Human?"

He didn't say anything.

"*And*…" she slid down onto his lap and inclined her chin on his shoulder until her lips were only inches from his ear. "If we could, say, narrow down our list of one potential father, would we by any far fetched chance, thinking about...Riley?"

The vampire tensed at the mention of the man's name.

Buffy allowed a small grin of victory, "Looks like jealousy's working over hours today. Very impressive."

"I'm not jealous," he protested.

"Too eleventh grade, honey," she remarked. "Literally. Coming to think of it…I'd say we're dating way back before that, aren't we? I was still dating back in LA, tried to, anyhow. Tyler was the longest," she drew even closer, enclosing her arms around his neck and nearing her lips to his ear, even though Angel didn't even once try to touch her, his expression remained impassive, as if nothing was going on. "Did you like Tyler?" she whispered throatily, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

After he didn't answer, she pulled back a little, laying her palms on top of each other on his shoulder and fixing her chin on them. "I'd take that as a big fat no. *So*, if memory serves me, next should come Xander, and we all know how much you two adored each other. Afterwards, there's Scott, and last but…least, there's Riley. What you thought of him, we saw when you barely left him standing that night in the alley months ago. Which, by the way, let me point out again, was probably the peak of your two-hundred-and-fifty-years-old maturity. Check this out, apparently there's more potential fathers than we thought at first," she smiled, but wasn't amused at all, and the smile soon was gone. "You destroyed me, Angel," she said after a while, the tone of her voice no longer light but very serious. "You destroyed me for everyone that could follow you, but I wasn't worried about it back then, probably because I never even thought I'd have to face an *after you*…or maybe I just wasn't aware of it yet. After you left…I couldn't see anyone else, no matter how hard I tried, all I could do was...pretend. No one was good enough, no one was dark enough, strong enough…" She straightened up and leaned her back against his shoulder, her eyes no longer on him, even though his were on her. "I used to look at you, and like in a dream, the lights would dim everywhere else. Everything stopped existing…everything but you. I would look into your eyes, and I would see a world I didn't want to leave…a world the full depth of which I couldn't even begin to imagine. There's nothing in Riley's eyes for me, Angel. There's just…Riley's eyes. He told me once that I was addicted to you, that I was addicted to the thrill and the darkness and the danger." Perceiving his look from the corner of her eye, she added, "He didn't use the exact words, but the meaning was not one I could miss. And who knows…maybe he was right, maybe I was addicted, maybe that's how you left me."

She reached her hand for her neck and brushed her fingers over the scar, "You left me craving for more, for more of what I could never have. No one ever made me feel the way you did. No one ever could. When I let Dracula bite me, Riley said…*implied* it was because I was craving for it, longing for it, for the pain, for the reeling on the edge…because that's what I'd felt with you. And in a sense…he was right. Pain was a pretty major factor in our relationship, but it also was what kept me alive. The pain, the heartache was what made it special, made it *real*. I don't think Riley ever understood that. you left me looking for a second-best version of you, and I couldn't find even tenth-best. Riley was human, he was safe, and loving and supportive…but he wasn't heartache, he wasn't tears, he wasn't pain…he wasn't love. He was just reliability. I never felt complete with him. He wasn't you," she finished, then turned to look at him and smiled sadly, "Wasn't it your cue to stop my ramble about…an hour ago?"

The vampire reached his hand up to her face, gently brushing away the remnants of tears, "I'm not me now, too. Sometimes I don't even know who I am...but I'm not who I was two years ago."

"And the *two years* part covered it pretty well, if you ask me," she observed. "Everyone changes, Angel. Even those of us who have forever in store. Unfortunately for you though, I'm not talking about things that change. I'm talking about the ones that don't."

"You're right," he exhaled. "Some things don't."

"I'm not at all looking forward to round two of tonight's…or last night's conversation. I'm not asking you to come back, I thought I made it pretty clear. I just…" she took a deep breath, looking down into her lap, "I thought you should know…these things." Before he could answer, she looked back up. "All I want from you is to be you. To be…a father. To help me give this baby the best life we can…"

"With a vampire for a father."

"And a Slayer for a mother, I'm sure neither one of us was on his or her top-priority list. I'm not asking you to come back for me or...at all…" she contemplated over her next words for a moment. "You don't have to be *there* for me, to be there for me. It's *our* baby. It's strange…and it's scary, and…just…don't leave me alone," she asked softly, then sniffed, wiping her already dry eyes, and nestled herself in his lap, resting her head on his chest. Angel found her hand and she responded by instinctively lacing her fingers with his. "Pretty sunrise," she whispered somnolently, her eyes, barely open, staring faraway outside the window on the gradually brightening sky. "Yeah," Angel responded, pressing his cheek to the top on her head as he buried the fingers of his free hand in her blond hair. "It is."

Go to Part 16