Rating: umm...I'm thinking along the lines of PG...in the meantime. Who knows what the future might bring:).
Disclaimer: nope, last time I checked, nothing was mine.
Spoilers: well...better safe than sorry: everything up to the end of season 3 can be spoilery.
Synopsis: I have a strange drive to rewrite season 3 of BtVS. I just don't seem to like the way it ended...beats me why. Anyway, so despite the fact that the original plan was to begin with "Helpless" (that's around the time everything really started getting screwed up B/A-wise), as you can see, plan's changed and I'm going to start with "Anne". If you expect to find in this series events/quotes from the original season....I seriously mean it - I'll try my hardest keeping them to the very minimum. But all in all - it's probably a yet another attempt to end the season on a more "positive" B/A level. See how it goes:).
Pairing: the conventional ships: B/A, W/O, C/X. If I decide to torture any/all of them, you'll be the first to know:).
Distribution: ask first.
Feedback: please, yes, please.

The razors and the dying roses plead
I don't leave you alone
The demi-gods and hungry ghosts
God, God knows I'm not at home
I'll never find someone quite like you again
I'll never find someone quite like you again

- Vast, "Touched"

Angel opened his eyes and emitted a silent sigh. He carefully removed Buffy's arm from across his chest and sat up, massaging the back of his neck. He drew in a deep breath, and lingeringly gazed about the dark bedroom, the only source of light in it being the glittering moonshine that obstructed the murkiness through the slightly pulled back heavy black curtains, and was now dancing across the floor.

His eyes tarried upon it for a moment, as though it was the only thing he was seeing, then he rose to his feet, and rubbing his eyes and face with his palms, exited the room.

"Cold," Buffy muttered through gritted teeth, as she walked out into the patio, startling Angel from his obviously deep thoughts.

"Buffy?" he turned around, standing up concurrently, a surprised expression on his face.

"Yep," she nodded, snuggling deeper into her blanket and fastening it around her. "You're not cold," she observed, then mumbled to herself, "Of course you're not cold, because you're...cold." She stopped when she learned she was babbling from his little knowing half-smile.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. "Why aren't you asleep?"

"Why aren't *I* asleep?" she shot him a look, and stepped closer.

"How did you know I was here?" Angel asked, after she'd sat down and he had too.

The Slayer shrugged. "I've always known." He peered at her with questioning eyes, until she went on. "Do you think that I don't feel it when the man sleeping next to me suddenly gets up in the middle of the night and leaves our bed?" she eyed him momentarily before continuing, "Especially when it happens practically on nightly basis?"

Angel cast his eyes to the ground. "Why didn't you ever say anything, then?"

Buffy sighed. "Because I know all about the nightmares you're still having, and because I know you don't want me to know. And because I thought you needed the alone-time." She tilted her head to the left to meet his eyes. "I never fall back asleep until you come back."

He glanced at her, then smiled feebly. "You certainly fooled me."

The blonde let her hands out of the comforter and wrapped them tightly around his arm, pressing her head to his shoulder. "Aren't you supposed to…hear my breath…or heartbeat…or something?"

Her boyfriend chuckled softly. "Maybe I'm getting rusty in both. I always wondered how come you managed to remain awake enough to crawl up to me and hug me the moment I lay down."

Buffy beamed sheepishly, and snaked her arms around Angel's waist, moving closer to him. "It's a mystery," she murmured, then sighed. "You know…the day after you kissed me for the first time…remember that?"

"Hard to forget," he looked down at her.

"Yeah. Well, that morning was when I told Giles and the others what…you were. And Xander…he said something, that of course, was characteristically Xander, but…" she paused to wet her lips. "He was like - 'you're in love with a vampire?!' and…until that moment, I didn't even realize. Xander would probably throw himself from some cliff if he knew, but he was the one who made me understand…made me realize that I loved you. I mean, I probably had known before that, I'm sure I've fallen in love with you way before Xander said the words, but…he said them. And I knew. And I also knew that only the other night I found out what you truly were…but I already loved you before that. I fell in love with the man, Angel," she looked up, gazing intently into his soft brown eyes. "I need you to understand that. And whatever you are, whatever you did, whatever you were…I love you. I love everything in you, and I love every part of you. I need you to know…"

Angel smiled. "I do," he stroked her cheek with his knuckles. "But it's still what I am."

Buffy beheld him for a moment in complete silence, then sighed heavily. "I just…I just wanted you to know…"

"I know." He leaned down and gently brushed his lips over hers. "So. You never told me…why did you decide to come here today?"

"Selfish reasons only," she admitted softly, clinging to him almost impulsively. "I decided I didn't want to be alone tonight."

"Don't be afraid," he could instantly read the thoughts she hadn't voiced yet. "I will never let anything happen to you. I promise." He kissed her gently.

"Maybe that's the problem," she contemplated. "You can't promise me something like that. And I'm more afraid of something happening to you than of me getting hurt."

Angel didn't answer for a spell, which drove Buffy to continue what she had to say.

"If anything happens to you again, Angel, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I won't get through this the second time," she shook her head resolutely and pressed it to his chest, reinforcing her arms around his waist. "I just know I won't. This…this can be the last night we get to spend together," she looked up. "Do you realize what it means?"

"Nothing," he kissed her skull. "It means nothing. Everything will be alright. I swear to you. Do you believe me?" he gazed at her expectantly.

Buffy sniffed, and drew in a deep breath. "Angel?" she swallowed, her voice a bit trembling all of a sudden. "Can I tell you something?"

The vampire eyed her attentively, inwardly realizing it was something that had been pressing on her for days to come out. "Of course, you can."

"Angel…" she gulped, and sniffed back tears, "I did something. I did something…bad."

"What are you talking about?" he studied her with a confused expression, not knowing what had made her cry all of a sudden. He gently brushed away the tears from the corners of her eyes and her cheeks. "Buffy, what's wrong?"

"I…I need to tell you…because I need to…I don't know if I ever get to tell you…and I need you to know everything…"

"What everything?"

"What I did…" she bit her lip, briefly averting her eyes from him. "It was bad…"

"Look at me," the vampire gently tilted her chin upwards. "What did you do?"

"That day…when you found me in the Bronze, with Faith," she sniffled, wiping her eyes, "after you'd left, Wesley sent us on patrol, he told us to find t-that…B-balthazar…"

"And?" he prompted gently.

"And something happened," she burst into sobs, "something horrible…"

"Buffy-"

"I killed someone, Angel," she whispered, and looked up at him, just in time for the appalled expression in his eyes. "Angel," she averted her gaze in pain.

"God," he murmured, abruptly, in short of breath. He pulled her closer to him, not knowing what else to do. "A-a vampire?" he heard himself asking, all the while knowing just how incredibly dumb that question was, which was why he never waited for her to answer it. "I…why?" suddenly, he drew back from her, needing to see her eyes. "Who was it?" his voice was almost demanding.

"W-what?" Buffy asked perplexed.

"Who was it?" he repeated the same question from before, his voice imperious, his both hands holding her by the shoulders. "Was if you, or was it Faith? Who did it?"

The Slayer bit her lower lip. "Faith…" she whispered.

"Thank God," the vampire wrapped his arms around her again, exhaling a sigh of pure relief.

"I tried to stop it…t-the bleeding…I tried to stop it, I-I think I did…and he was looking at me…he wanted me to help him," she kept crying into his bare chest, digging her fingers in his back. "And Faith…she froze. She just froze, she was scared, too…she didn't mean to, it happened so fast, she...she thought he was a vampire…"

"I know. I know, I'm sure she didn't mean." Angel had always known at some point the brunette Slayer's careless impulsiveness would get her into a deeper sea of trouble than she would be able to handle, but in his wildest dreams he had never thought it would be it. He kissed Buffy's head, tightening his embrace around her. "It's okay…it's gonna be okay."

"The police are after us, Angel," the Slayer whispered, wiping her cheeks. "They've been to my mom's house. They're looking for me. Mom didn't tell them where I was though, just that I don't live at home anymore…she also doesn't know what to do!" she gazed up at him. "Angel, what have I done?!"

"It's okay," he assured, and kissed her temple. "You haven't done anything, except being in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Okay? They'll drop the case soon enough, they'll understand it's not you. And they'll never find you here. I promise."

"In the best case, I'll just die before they have a chance to track me down, right?" she murmured.

He cupped her face in his two large hands. "Nothing will happen to you. Do you understand me? *Nothing*. And no one is going to die. Not you, not Faith, not me, *no one*."

"What if she should? What if I should?" she asked, her voice small and scared.

Angel stood up, and pulled her with him, heading back inside. "Let's go back to sleep. Everything will be clearer for you comes morning."

"I've had several mornings already. Doesn't seem a lot clearer to me," his girlfriend muttered.

"We gotta make it through tomorrow night." He stopped, and turned her around to face him, holding her by the shoulders. "After you save the entire world tomorrow night, you tell me what you think. Okay?" he tenderly brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. "You don't have the slightest idea just how important you are to all these people, people who don't even know you, who live their lives, not knowing there is a Buffy Summers out there, who nightly risks her life only so that they could live one more day. I only hope that one day you understand that."

*****

Angel looked up from the floor at the approaching figure and though his eyes didn't require a lot of light to see, she looked especially beautiful to him when her dark silhouette was lit with the fire from the fireplace. He never really got to appreciate the way her beauty glistened in the sun, though the lucid memory of the fifteen-years-old blonde girl had ever faded from his mind. The only way he could see her in natural light was either to the fair light of the moon, or the one coming from the fire, when she would curl up in his arms each night after patrol, just to sit together, or to talk, or to listen to him read her something.

But the comparison of that moment to these rapidly exploded before his eyes when the peace he used to find in her eyes when he held her wasn't there when he looked into them now. He opened his arms for her and she stepped in them, laying her head on his chest and exhaling a deep breath.

"I've been to my mom," she started speaking, sitting down by the fire, and he did the same, pulling her into his lap. "I told her to leave town. I needed to beg her, she didn't want to go. She didn't want to leave me." She sniffled back threatening tears, and Angel secured his arms around her waist, brushing his lips over her golden crown. "She asked me to tell you to keep me safe for her."

"When this is all over, you tell her I did my best," Angel grinned faintly, inclining his chin over the top of her head.

Buffy swallowed. "Then I went to see Willy."

"Willy? Why?"

"I thought he could give me some information I still didn't have…I thought he could help me…I'm still not sure what exactly I was trying to find. It was a last minute's impulse, I guess." She sighed heavily. "Anyway, he was barely alive when I got there. Demons...trashed his bar, the entire place's a wreck. He said they were looking for you, for both of us. As if we don't have enough trouble as it is. I wouldn't be able to get much out of him even if he *did* know something we didn't. You know what he told me though?" she looked up.

"What?"

"He told me to…he told me to find you, and take you somewhere quiet…spend the time we still have together, while we have it."

"We'll have many other times." Angel kissed her head. "You're not getting rid of me that easily, even an opened Hellmouth won't do," he smiled, tightening his arms around her and feeling her small hands laying over his. "Nothing's gonna end this for us. Nothing. You just have to believe that."

"He was so scared," Buffy whispered. "Everyone's so scared, Angel. And I…I tried looking for Faith again, I hoped she'd help us. I couldn't find her anywhere."

"She's still not back in her motel room?"

The blonde shook her head. "All her stuff are gone. Looks like she took off for good. I should have seen it coming, I shouldn't have let her out of my sight after that night, I should have helped her…"

"You couldn't know. No one could know." The vampire inhaled a deep breath. "When did Giles say he wanted us in the library?"

The Slayer checked her watch. "We have a little over a couple of hours…left for ourselves."

"Good," Angel revolved her to him and kissed her gently. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you," she said back, and rested her head back on his chest.

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