-------------------------

Buffy didn't know how much time had exactly passed up to when Angel was thrown into the cage again. And again, when the gate was locked after him, the first thing he saw was Buffy. Angel looked at her in confusion.

She walked up to him and pulled him into her hug. He still didn't react to her.

After a few moments, he pulled off. "Who are you?" He repeated his query from before. His tone was much steadier as he spoke to her now, as he was scrutinizing her. He contemplated for a while before asking the next question, but he had a feeling she knew. "Who…am I?"

She beamed briefly and blandly touched his cheek with her knuckles.

He wrenched off. "Answer me." He insisted, but carefully. He still wasn't sure whether he was in a position to insist. Instantly, a speculation occurred to him. That name. The memory he couldn't absolve. *Is it possible…it is she?* "Buffy?…" He asked. Still prudish.

Buffy smiled. She wished he knew what he was talking about. "Yeah." She prompted. She took his hand and kissed it. "Angel." She said. "It's your name."

"Angel." He echoed his name. It was a mitigation to know he had one. "Who am I?" He catechized. "Please, tell me."

Buffy couldn't stop smiling. She took his other hand into hers and squatted in front of him. "Seventeen-fifty-three." She began to tell. "This was the year you were created. It happened in Galway, Ireland. She was a beautiful woman, and she caught you with her charm. Her name was Darla. She was your Sire. She turned you into a vampire."

What ravages of spirit
Conjured their tempestuous rage
Created you a monster
Broken by the rules of love
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go

Buffy watched Angel. He was listening carefully to her story. Bearing in mind every word. She knew she'd hate telling this part, the last thing she wanted was to hurt him even more. But she didn't really have a choice, did she? He had to know. The good things as well as the bad things. She tightened her grip on his hands. "For about a century and a half…I think, you and Darla were...together. Roaming Europe. Killing, torturing, spreading havoc and devastation everywhere you were. Your nickname then was Angelus. Everyone who had the misfortune of turning up in your way, or to have you in their, was generally killed. You horrified Europe so much and for so long, that you soon became known as the Scourge of Europe. During that part of your life...you killed your entire family, among the others. You also turned others into vampires. Those I know of are Drusilla and Spike. I know that Drusilla is the older. You drove her insane and killed her family as well before turning her. I guess later you turned Spike. They both are depraved murderers. Together even worse than apart, and they are together. But there was a time when you and Drusilla were a couple." Buffy stopped to peer at Angel. Behind the hurt and the pain in his orbs, she could see his deep and candid compunction. One only he could have. Compunction and remorse. She drew him to her and embraced him close.

He merely reposed his head on her breasts, feeling her warmth and integrity. A part of him tried to remember how to cry...

He felt that no matter what, he'd find peace in her arms. Love. A familiar, yet lost and forlorn emotion awoken in him. He didn't know what it was, didn't know whether feeling it was okay.

Every moment marked
With apparition of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be with you
I do what I have to do
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go

Holding Angel tight in her arms, Buffy continued. "In nineteen-eighty, you fed on a Gypsy girl in Romania. The elders of the clan punished you. They restored your soul. They decreed you to an existence full with regret and reminiscing of all you've done. This is the fiercest penalty for a vampire. Since then you couldn't feed of people anymore. You couldn't bring yourself to hurt anyone at all. You migrated to America, New York, to start a new life. You changed your name to Angel and lived alone, in solitude, eaten with regret. You shut yourself out of the world thinking you didn't deserve anything or anyone. You didn't have a place to live, and you didn't have food. In nineteen-ninety-six, a good demon named Whistler found you, and offered you to change your life. I was a new called Slayer then, and he offered you to become my protector. You've been on the streets for so long, and you only wanted to be left alone, but luckily for me, something changed your mind." She gazed at Angel. It felt right to hold him like that again. "This is all I know about your past. I realize I'm leaving you too many blanks, but I guess I'm not the suitable person to fill them. Do you remember any of it?"

"No." He replied quietly. "Why?" He asked after a short silence. "Why do you want to be with me? If I really am the monster you say I am, why on earth would you want anything to do with me? Why would someone like you want to take care of me? If I were you, I would be afraid to come anywhere near me. Who are you for me? Why can't I remember you? There's something…peculiar about you. Something familiar…and outlandish. Forgotten. Tell me who you are."

Buffy kissed his head. She felt him trembling as he felt the kiss. "Have some sleep now. We have time. I will tell you everything I know. And in the next part, I do know everything. I promise."

"I'm not tired." They both knew he lied.

Buffy smiled. "When was the last time you actually slept?"

He didn't answer. The last time he actually slept…he knew that. When he was with her. In her arms. Angel lay on the floor and turned his back to Buffy. Somehow he knew she would be that stubborn.

Buffy enfolded her arms around his waist, and reclined her head on his back. Very soon she espied that Angel was already sound asleep. Suddenly, her fingers distinguished a scarcely perceptible mark on his abdomen. Her fingertips carefully fluttered over the small scar. She pondered momentarily whether or not he had ever wondered where he got it.

"I met you shortly after I arrived to Sunnydale. You were following me, and I led you into a dark alley. I can't say our first meeting was friendly." She quipped. "I kinda cynical towards you. I didn't know who you were and why you were following me, and it irritated me. Still, when I first looked into your eyes, I knew already then that I would never want you to stop stalking me. I knew I loved you. You came to warn me about the Harvest. You gave me a silver cross that night, to wear for protection. You had this...something...in your eyes. I knew that...in this Hellmouth, you were the only one I shouldn't fear. I knew I could trust you completely. Later, I found out about you being a vampire. It was when Darla came to Sunnydale. She fed of my mother and made it seem like it was your fault, and I stupidly bought that because I found you holding her right after she was bitten. It brought you to first telling me about your curse, your soul that has been restored. All these made hating you even harder. It was too late to hate you. I already loved you. It was impossible not to forgive you, mainly after you killed your own Sire to save my life. This is how it had been for a while. We were meeting at random. Actually, we weren't meeting. You were skulking around, always appearing in the exact moment when I needed you the most. You know…" Buffy smiled at him. "You maybe didn't know it, but I always knew you were around. I just had these weird sensors, revealing to me that you were there. You constantly used to bring me some cryptic admonition, telling me to be careful from this and that wacky prophecy. You were too noble to ever try to entangle me into your dark life, always protective, caring, lying to both of us that you didn't love me. After months of that routine, you finally asked me out. Since then, things went plain and simple. We both found what we needed the most. The only things that could complete us. We found each other. No one could understand us. Me - the Slayer, you - a vampire. No one could conceive why we loved each other. But we didn't care. We were happy. It was all that mattered." She kept telling about Spike and Dru, about how they captured and tortured him, because he was the one to heal Dru from her illness, about the other monsters and demons they confronted. About how they loved, about the happy times they shared, so perfect…just him and her. Nothing else was in the world. She trailed off as she reached her seventeenth birthday. She didn't know how to tell it. It hurt her as much as it would hurt him…if he remembered…

"What happened?" He asked her worriedly.

She glanced at him. "Nothing." She whispered.

"It's more like a something. Something that's bothering you. I can feel it."

It felt now more than ever it was the old real Angel. Only the real Angel could discriminate when she was troubled or hurt even if she didn't say a word. "On my seventeenth birthday, I had a nightmare. It was like a prediction, about how Drusilla killed you. I was so afraid I'd lose you, that instead of going to school that morning, I rushed to your apartment, to see if you were all right. From the very beginning of that day, I had a bad feeling something horrible would happen. I caught you right when you were getting ready for bed. I was so relieved I found you in one piece, that the nightmare slipped my mind. Later that day, we found out that Drusilla and Spike were about to assemble the Judge. He was a powerful demon. They had one piece missing, though. We possessed it. It needed to be hidden away ASAP, so you offered to take it away to Asia. I didn't want to let you go that night on the docks…" Buffy felt she was about to burst with tears, but she restrained herself. "I didn't want to let you go. Only the thought of not seeing you for maybe a year was unendurable. I needed you…to be with me. I didn't realize how much I needed you, but when I was about to lose you. When we…said goodbye on the docks, you gave me the Claddagh ring. It was my birthday present from you. It signified our love." Buffy showed him the ring on her finger. "I still wear it." She said grinning. Hindering the tears became harder. "When we kissed afterwards, we were ambushed by vampires, who were after the missing piece. One of them threw me into the water and you let them have it and jumped after me. After that, we witnessed Drusilla assembling the Judge. Then we winded up in your apartment. There…for the first time…we made love. It broke the curse. One moment of true happiness was the only thing that could turn you back into what you were before. And it happened. I lost you that night." Buffy covered her face with her hands. She couldn't restrain anymore.

Angel felt her warm tears dripping on his cold body. Every one of them was slowly melting his frozen heart. He couldn't bear seeing that girl crying. Even more he couldn't have her crying because of him. He rose his hand toward her face, but at the last second repented and put it down. "Don't tell anymore." He whispered. "It's not worth it."

"I need you to know…" She tried to explain.

"It's not worth it. I'm a lost cause anyway. I'm nothing. Knowing that maybe once I was something...it won't help me."

Buffy wiped her tears. "I have to…I did it to you. I sent you here. All that has been happening to you lately, this only world that you do know…it was all my fault. You turned into a monster after you lost your soul. I had no choice. You were about to open a vortex to Hell and send the entire world in there. It was your blood…that was the key to both seal and open that vortex. I stabbed you, to release your blood…I'm sorry…it closed the vortex, b…but it took you with it. I love you…I'm sorry…" She sobbed, turning away from him.

"What you did was right." Angel said simply. "You had to. It was the only way. It's not your fault. If it…if it means anything at all to you, I…I would never…I don't blame you. If there were someone to blame, it would never be you. It's me. I brought it on myself. If I really did all you say I did, I deserve even worse."

Buffy could only stare at him, speechlessly. It was what she had lusted after for so long. His forgiveness. Hearing him say he doesn't blame her. She wanted to hug him so tight and never let go of him again. She would have done so, if the two human faced monsters hadn't dragged him away again.

After the three of them disappeared from her sight, Buffy still kept staring after them. She knew they would bring him back again, and then she would have only several hours to make Angel remember her. She hoped it could be done. At least she knew one thing. He'd forgiven her.

-----------------

Angel found her asleep once he was returned. He perched in the opposite corner of the cell, watching her sleep. Following her every motion, every stir, with awe. How her lashes flapped in her slumber, how her chest rose and sank steadfastly with her each breath, how her hair moved lightly with every blast of the cold wind. Suddenly, he heard something budging beside him. It was a rat. A huge and ugly animal, but it also was Angel's first meal in nearly a week. He considered himself to be lucky. When he grabbed it though, he was taken aback. Something felt wrong about it. He didn't feel it was appropriate to eat in front of that girl. She claimed to love him, when he wasn't sure what love was. And she knew so much about him. Well, he couldn't prove her lying, because he didn't know a thing about himself, so maybe what she was saying really was the truth. Besides, there was that scar on his abdomen. He didn't know how it happened and he didn't know when. He had many scars. Too many even, but with the time, they faded away. But this one never did. He had it for as long as he could remember, and he always wanted to know where it came from. He could never recall…up until he heard what she told him. She didn't even say where exactly she stabbed him, but he had a feeling it was it. But there was one more thing he wasn't fully sure about. This girl asserted to be Buffy. He didn't know who or what Buffy was, so he couldn't prove her lying here also, but he knew whoever Buffy was…she clearly was very dear to him, considering it had been the only thing he remembered. Something just…seemed wrong. He knew he was risking in being starved for at least the next week, but still, he just couldn't. He let the rat escape.

Angel felt very tired. The starvation and the pain were slowly taking him down, a little every day. His entire body was aching and all he wanted now was to relax, so he lay down and tried to fall asleep. He couldn't. He couldn't stop looking at the girl. He almost was afraid to close his eyes because then he wouldn't see her anymore. The last thing he needed in his present state was another insomnia, though that by now he was supposed to get used to not having any sleep. Angel thought that maybe…maybe if he were with her… He reminisced of how good it felt, to be held in her arms. How safe he felt, how peaceful. He wanted to regain that. It took him a while until he made up his mind to go near her. He crept towards her and lay by her side, quiet, careful not to disturb her. He tenderly moved her one arm and placed it around him. It finally felt right. Felt real. Like this was how he's meant to be. Angel looked at her small palm in his hand. It was the one with the ring on it. She told him about that ring. It was a Claddagh ring. It was him who'd given it to her. At least, according to her version it was, but since he knew no other… He gently slipped the ring off of her small finger, and immediately returned it to its former place. As he did so, a flashback hit him.

***Night.

They are on the docks, making their way towards a boat. He has a large box on his right shoulder; Buffy is leaning into him, tightly clinging to his left arm. He lowers his head and places a fond kiss on her temple. Finally, they reach the gangplank.

He puts down the box and faces Buffy. "I should go the rest of the way alone." He says softly.

"Okay." She answers. Facially not accepting the inevitable.

"But I'll be back." He promises reassuringly. "I will."

Buffy doesn't fall for it though. "When? Six months? A year? You don't know how long it's gonna take, or if we even…" She looks down.

"Hey…" He whispers and delicately rises her chin. "If we even what?"

Buffy is about to cry. "Well, if you haven't noticed, someone is pretty much always wants us dead."

He hastens to allay her, still trying to cover his own dejection with a smile. "Don't say this. We'll be fine."

"We don't know that."

"We can't know, Buffy. That's just the deal." He looks down and reaches into his pocket. "I have something for you." He takes out a small object. "For your birthday. I…I was gonna give it to you earlier, but…" He shows her a ring.

"It's beautiful." She almost smiles.

"My people…before I was changed…they exchanged this as a sign of devotion. It's a Claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship; the crown represents loyalty and the heart…well, you know… Wear it with the heart pointed towards you. It means you belong to somebody. Like this." He shows her his matching ring, as it's worn on his finger.

She takes his hand and gently kisses the ring placed on it.

He still endeavors to smile. "Put it on." He says and slips the other ring on her finger.

"I don't wanna do this." She sobs.

"Me neither." He's also on the point of breaking. Tears escaping his eyes without him being able to do anything about it.

"So, don't go." She still hopes there is a chance.

He slowly leans forward and they kiss. They intensely wrap their arms around each other and embrace one another even tighter, disputing the inescapable. Ultimately, they let go.

He wants to say something. He wants to tell her he loves her. "Buffy, I…"

Two vampires attack them from out of nowhere. A fight develops…Buffy is being thrown into the water…he jumps after her to save her…***

Angel opened his eyes in perplexity and looked around in stupefaction. He remembered. Putting the ring on her finger, the ring that epitomizes their love. That simple deed made him remember. He slowly freed himself from under her arm and headed to the opposite corner. He began to dig for something in the ground. Angel took out a small object and examined it.

Now he finally knew what it was. The other matching ring. His ring. He placed it on his finger, with the heart pointing in. He belongs to somebody. He finally remembered. He skulked back to Buffy and lay beside her. He knew that this time he'd fall asleep, and he also knew exactly what he'd be dreaming about.

I was lost and alone
Trying to grow
Making my way down that long winding road
Had no reason no rhyme
Like a song out of time
And there you were standing in front of my eyes

Pieces of conversations, places, people, circumstances, they all suddenly emerged in his mind, memories of the past, hopes of the future. All that had been lost was restored. Everything came back to him. The night when he first met the girl of his dreams…

***"What do you want?" She asks sarcastically.

"The same thing you do."

"Okay, what do I want?"

"To kill them. To kill them all."

"Sorry, that's incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a year's supply of Turtle Wax. What I want is to be left alone!"

"Do you really think that's an option anymore? You're standing on the mouth of Hell, and it's about to open. Don't turn your back on this. You've gotta be ready."

"What for?"

"For the Harvest."

"Who are you?"

"Let's just say…I'm a friend."

"Yeah, well, maybe I don't wanna friend."

"I didn't say I was yours."***

Then the night she found out the truth about him…

***"I invited you into my home, and then you attacked my family?!"

"Why not? I killed mine. I killed their friends, and their friends' children. For a hundred years I offered ugly death to everyone I met, and I did it with a song in my heart."

"What changed?"

"Fed on a girl, around your age. Beautiful. Dumb as a post, but a favorite among her clan."

"Her clan?"

"Romany. Gypsies. The elders conjured the perfect punishment for me. They restored my soul."

"What, they were all out of boils and blinding torment?"

"When you become a vampire, the demon takes your body, but it doesn't get your soul. That's gone. No conscience, no remorse…that's an easy way to live. You have no idea what it's like…to have done the things I've done…and to care. I haven't fed on a human being since that day."

"So, you started with my mom?"

"I didn't bite her."

"So, why didn't you just say something?"***

Beaming, he reminisced of his jealousy towards Xander.

***"Are you jealous?"

"Of Xander? Please! He's just a kid."

"Is it cuz I danced with him?"

"'Danced with' is a pretty loose term. 'Mated with' might be a little closer."

"Don't you think you're being a little unfair? It was one little dance, which I only did to make you crazy, by the way. Behold my success."

"I'm NOT jealous."

"You're not jealous? What, vampires don't get jealous?"

"See? Whenever we fight, you always bring up the vampire thing."

"I didn't come here to fight."***

And then the make up…

***"Love makes you do the wacky."

"What?"

"Crazy stuff."

"Oh, crazy. Like a two-hundred-forty-one year old being jealous of a high school junior?"

"Are you fessing up?"

"I thought about it. Maybe it bothers me a little."

"I don't love Xander."

"Yeah, but he's in your life. He gets to be there when I can't. Take your classes, eat your meals, hear your jokes and complaints…he gets to see you in sunlight."

"I don't look that good in direct light."***

All the memories just kept floating onto the surface. Every unforgettable moment, every expression in her deep green eyes, every word had ever been exchanged. They all returned to him. The first time ever he saw the one he'd been expecting for so long, the first time he made her laugh, the first time he kissed her, the first time he told her he loved her…loved her. He loved her. Now he knew what love was. He was sure he knew. Just by looking at her…sleeping beside him, so natural with him. That was enough to stir every emotion in him that was long repressed. It made him so liberated, so happy; knowing that he loved her. It was as if he got his whole life back at once. He smiled, gazing at her. She was his. She belonged to him…and she loved him.

As if by feeling his eyes being focused on her, Buffy opened hers to look at him.

Angel wanted to talk to her, but the words refused to utter his mouth. He just lay there, gazing at her, realizing there's nothing about her he didn't know. At this moment, two monsters unlocked the cage and took him away.

You came into my world
No diamonds or pearls
Could ever replace what you gave to me, girl
Just like a castle of sand
Girl, I almost let love slip right out of my hands
And just like a flower needs rain
I will stand by your side through the joy and the pain

Buffy just kept watching them walk away. The strange look in Angel's eyes was still etched in her mind. It was different. Almost familiar.

She didn't yet let go of that thought, when she unexpectedly found herself back in Eliza's apartment.

Time was up…and she didn't accomplish the goal.

-------------------

Buffy was sitting on the same carpet, on the same spot, with Eliza in front of her and the candle between them. If Buffy didn't know better, she'd think nothing had changed. She would never guess there had been…five days?…

"Are you alright?" Eliza asked her.

Buffy looked around, searching the room for Angel. There was no sign of him anywhere. "I failed." She recognized. "I didn't save him…" Tears leaked down her cheeks. "I can't believe I did it to him again…" She stooped, with her head in her hands, when a calming palm rested on her shoulder. Then loving strong arms embraced her whole from behind and a familiar kiss mildly touched her head. Buffy revolved and saw him. It was Angel. Her Angel. It was so clear, in his soft dark eyes - she saw Angel, and this Angel knew her. This Angel loved her. "Angel…" She whispered, before completely sinking into his embrace. He reinforced his intense grip.

Finally, he pulled off a little and grinned at her. He lowered his face and kissed her. "I didn't tell you something back then." He whispered, taking her hands into his. "I love you." It was so blunt in his tone how much he wanted to say this, and how much he meant it. He pulled her back into his arms. "I love you so much."

Buffy smiled inwardly. *He remembered.* She thought she was never to hear from him these words again, and now…he uttered them. The words that thought to be lost forever on her. "I love you." She said in response. "Close your eyes." She requested.

Angel complied trustingly.

She leaned towards him and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Then she wrapped her arms around him and nestled on his chest.

His arms closed around her in a loving embrace.

"I see you succeeded, after all." Eliza observed.

Buffy turned to her, but remained in Angel's arms. "Thank you." She said. "What you did for us was something we both will be forever grateful for."

"I didn't do much." Eliza said with demure. "The hard part was always on the two of you. You two are a gift for each other. A gift to be cherished. Take him home now." She told Buffy. "Take care of him and make him better. He has a lot of recovering ahead. You'll have a happy life, and it requires both of your presence." She beamed, as if there was something more to it. "Give me your hand."

As Buffy did so, Eliza placed it on Angel's chest. "What do you feel?" She asked Buffy.

Buffy's eyes opened wide as she felt the pulsation. "Oh, my God…" She couldn't express in words what she was feeling. She lifted her eyes to meet Angel's amazed face and reclined her head on his chest, wrapping him in her arms. It wasn't a dream. It was real. He was warm. Warm and alive.

They both turned to look at Eliza.

"It's been decided to grant you this small gesture…for all you two have sacrificed. You have already atoned way beyond your liability during these last centuries." She said to Angel. "You two deserve your happiness. You earned it."

Buffy turned to Angel, sobbing nervously and at the same time more happy than she could ever be, and kissed him. "Thank you…" She addressed to Eliza, but as she rotated she saw the aged woman was already gone. The candle and the rug were gone too.

Buffy rose to her feet and helped Angel to stand up after her. She supported him to keep his stance because he was trembling slightly. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"I'll be fine." He affirmed, but the faintness in his smile betrayed him.

She beamed and kissed him. "Let's go home. We might be just in time for you to see your sunshine. You haven't seen it for a while, I suppose."

Angel gazed at her and smiled. "I haven't seen my sunshine…for centuries. There were times I feared I would never see her again." He leaned and kissed her tenderly.

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