Part 11

After he’d walked through the door of his sister’s apartment – his apartment; he wasn’t used to calling it ‘home’ yet – he closed it gently behind him. When he looked up, Angel saw Cathy standing in the entrance to the hallway, watching him with curious eyes.

"Well?" she began. "How was your date?"

Angel nodded, recalling several of the night’s events with a smile. "It was fun. Actually, a lot of fun."

"Did Buffy like where you took her?"

"Yeah, she did. She loves ice skating and she’s really good at it, too. Better than me, anyway. I spent more time on my butt than I did on my feet."

Cathy laughed. "Now *that’s* an image I’d love to see. Mr. Baseball Player slipping and falling on the ice, especially considering you grew up in New York. I would have paid money to see that."

"Not funny. My butt hurts so bad, I don’t think I’ll be able to sit comfortably for a week. But it was worth it to see the expression of happiness on Buffy’s face."

"So, tell me, little brother, did you kiss her?"

"I’m not one to kiss and tell."

"Bull!" she scoffed. "You’re dying to tell me, and you know I’ll get it out of you eventually. You might as well spill the details now."

Angel relented because she was right. "All right. I kissed her. Are you happy, Cathy?"

"Ecstatic. Are you gonna go out with her again?"

"I hope so. I mean…I haven’t asked her yet, but I will tomorrow during class."

"See? Three weeks ago, you were bitching and moaning about having to move here and leave all your friends behind. Guess things are working out for the best."

He nodded once again. "That they are, Cathy. I’ve been at Sunnydale High for two days and I feel like I fit in already. There is something about this place; being here feel so right. Like it was meant to be, you know? And there’s something about Buffy that I’m attracted to, and I don’t know why."

"Sounds like you’ve finally met a soulmate; a kindred spirit."

He slumped down on the couch, wincing from the soreness making its way through his aching body. "Buffy Summers has my insides in knots. My stomach churns whenever I see her; I can’t tell the difference between up and down or left from right. The strangest part about it is that I like it. I like the feeling I get when I’m around her. It makes me feel completely alive for the first time ever. No one has ever made me feel that way."

Cathy stared at her younger brother as he poured his heart and soul out to her. "Well well, would you look at that. My little Angel seems to have met his match. Sounds like you’re in love."

"Love?" repeated Angel with wide brown eyes. "I just met her less than forty-eight hours ago. How can I be in love with a girl I hardly even know? Cathy, it’s absurd."

"It’s not so absurd. Did it ever occur to you that this is fate? Choosing to live here with me in Sunnydale instead of with Aunt Aileen and Uncle Ryan in Galway brought you to Buffy. It all adds up to fate."

"You’re too much of a romantic for me. It’s not fate; it’s coincidence. And I’m not in love with her. Even if it does feel different from what I felt for all my other girlfriends."

"Don’t you mean ‘flings’?" Cathy asked pointedly.

Narrowing his eyes, Angel glared at his older sister. "They were not flings. I liked Caroline and Pamela a lot."

"But did you love them?"

"Did you love every guy you slept with?" He didn’t bother to wait for an answer. "I don’t think so. Who cares if I’ve slept with two girls?"

"Buffy might."

"I’ll cross the bridge if and when I come to it. Besides, you’re making it sound like I plan on having sex with Buffy on the second date. I haven’t even asked her out again yet! And if she does say yes, I would never, *ever* expect her to sleep with me that soon. I wrestled with the idea of even kissing her tonight; I thought it might seem too forward."

Cathy laughed. "Oh yeah, you’re in love. No doubt about it."

"Forget it. I give up trying to talk to you." ‘I can’t admit she’s right. I really, truly am in love with Buffy. God help me.’

***

All through the night, Buffy did nothing but toss and turn. She had kicked the blankets to the end of the bed, her sheets rumpled underneath her and one pillow was left dangling off the side, nearly about to fall over the edge. In her mind, there were memories and nightmares, and Buffy couldn’t tell the different between them.

//"You almost went away today," Buffy said quietly.

Angel fingertips brushed her arm ever-so-gently. "We both did."

Buffy nearly choked on the tears she felt brewing and the lump forming in her throat. "Angel, I feel like…if I lost you…" She took a deep breath. "You’re right, though. We can’t be sure of anything."

As she pressed her lips to the side of his face, he struggled to comfort her. "Ssh. I…"

Buffy moved to face him. "You what?"

"I love you," Angel choked out. "I try not to, but I can’t stop." He didn’t want to love her, but ever since he first saw her that sunny afternoon, Angel couldn’t help himself. Buffy was his enemy; he wasn’t supposed to be in love with her. But he was.

"Me, too," she replied, her voice cracking. "I can’t either."

With that, their lips met in a loving, passionate kiss. This one wasn’t like the playful, fun kisses they’d shared on patrols through the cemetery. This kiss was a promise, and a first step in the latest journey in their newfound relationship.

Angel pulled away, panting, though he didn’t need to breath. ‘She makes me feel alive again.’ "Buffy, maybe we shouldn’t."

"Don’t." Buffy didn’t want him to be noble. She was ready to seize the moment…with him and him alone. "Just kiss me."\\

//"But you didn’t say anything. You just left," Buffy stated. It was so out of character for Angel to brush off her concerns as if they meant nothing.

Angel smirked as he pulled on his gray silk shirt. "Yeah, like I really wanted to stick around after *that*."

Buffy was floored by what he said. "Wh-what?" ‘Why is he acting like this?’

"You’ve got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although I guess you proved that last night." \\

//"You know what the worst part was?" he asked rhetorically, drenched by the water coming from the sprinklers on the ceiling. "Pretending that I loved you. If I’d known how easily you’d give it up, I wouldn’t have even bothered."

She held her ground. ‘Be strong. Don’t let him see your pain,’ Buffy told herself. "That doesn’t work anymore. You’re not Angel."

"You’d like to think so, wouldn’t you? Doesn’t matter," Angel said with a shrug and a menacing grin. "The important thing is, you made me the man I am today!" \\

//"Pretty name *and* a pretty face. He will make a lovely childe.\\

//"He will make a lovely childe."\\

//"…a lovely childe."\\

//"…a lovely childe."\\

"No!" Buffy shouted as she sat up in bed. A thin sheen of sweat covered her forehead and chest. "I won’t let anyone hurt him. Even if it means staying away from Angel to keep him safe, I’ll do it. I’ll keep him far away from me. That seems like the only way to keep him in my life. By not being a part of it."

***

Part 12

Due in large part to the restless night of sleep Buffy had gotten the night before, she overslept and missed her first class of the day. She had wanted to get to school early to talk to Giles about some information she’d asked him to look up, and ended up not getting to the library until lunch time. Not only would she be able to get her information before the end of the school day, but she was able to avoid Angel in the cafeteria as well.

"Buffy," Giles started when she walked through the door. "I thought you were going to stop by before school started."

"I kinda overslept and didn’t get here until nine. Had some bad dreams," she said cryptically.

"How bad? Were they prophetic, do you think?"

Buffy shook her head. "No. They were more along the lines of memories than bad dreams. Felt the other way around when I lived through them, though."

"You had dreams about your life before here?"

"Before I made the wish. Stuff about Angel and Angelus…nothing you would ever possibly understand."

"I was a teenager once. I should understand."

She lifted her eyebrows. "No, Giles. You may have been a teenager, but you don’t know what I’m going through right now. Not only am I a teenager, but I’m a Slayer who fell in love with a vampire who lost his soul because I couldn’t keep my hands off of him. And you have no idea how it feels to find out that said vampire is suddenly human and in danger. So, no, you couldn’t understand. Not that any of it is your fault. This is all my doing."

Giles paused for a moment before replying. "Danger, did you say? What kind of danger could Angel possibly be in?"

"We…we went out last night. He asked me out and of course I said yes; I love him, how could I say no? I followed him home to make sure he got there without incident. And as soon as he walked in the door, a vampire came up to me and basically threatened to kill him or turn him back into a vampire."

"I am sure that won’t happen."

"Neither of us know that for a fact. Giles, I couldn’t live with myself if he left me again. It would be as if my wish had been in vain. And being near me is putting the man I love in harm’s way. I can’t let that happen. The only way to keep him safe and alive is to keep him away from me. So, that’s what I’m going to do."

"He will be protected, Buffy, as long as you’re there. You can make certain he remains safe from harm," Giles pointed out. "There’s no need to leave him out in the cold. Especially if you love him as deeply as you say you do."

She shook her head in disagreement. "If vampires and demons see me with him, they will target him. They’ll kill him. As long as he’s not with me, he’s safe."

"Then by the same logic, why do you allow yourself to be seen with Willow and Xander and Cordelia?" he questioned.

"The three of them know how to defend themselves. Angel doesn’t. He doesn’t know vampires and real and, in this case, ignorance is bliss. The less he knows, the better."

"Perhaps if you told him--"

"I’m not telling him anything!" Buffy exclaimed. "Forget it, let’s drop the subject. Did you get the info I asked you about yesterday?"

Her Watcher nodded his head. "Yes, I did. I stayed up half the night going through my Watcher’s Diaries. There is no mention of either a Spike or a Drusilla."

"Did you try William the Bloody?" she wanted to know.

"Nothing. It seems as though they don’t exist in this reality."

"That makes sense. Angelus was Drusilla’s sire. If he doesn’t exist, neither of them do either. Terrific. Anything on Darla?"

"A bit of information. The Master’s favorite childe; left him in the late seventeen hundreds and reeked havoc in Europe. Was last seen in New York City over six months ago."

Buffy sighed. "Good. Let her stay as far away from Sunnydale as possible."

***

"Hi, Buffy," Angel greeted when he sat down next to her in Chemistry last period. He’d been looking forward to seeing her all day long and was disappointed when she hadn’t been at lunch.

Buffy glanced up from the homework she was hurriedly copying from Willow. "Hiya." ‘Damn, why does he have to look so good? Now it’s going to be even harder.’

"I spent all last night thinking about what a great time I had with you. Even though every muscle in my body aches, it was all worth it. I don’t think I’ve had so much fun on a date in my life."

"Yeah, same here."

Angel couldn’t help noticing the aloofness in her voice. "Are you mad at me about something?" A thought entered his mind. "Is it because I kissed you? I told you I was sorry about that."

"No, I’m not mad at you, Angel. I…I didn’t sleep very well last night and I’m really tired today. And the kiss was nice, so you don’t have to apologize for it again. Actually, I’m glad you did it."

"Sorry. I guess I don’t want you mad at me." ‘She really liked the kiss?’

"Well, I’m not."

"Good. Are you free tonight? Do you maybe want to go see a movie with me?" he asked hopefully.

‘A dark, crowded movie theater where nobody will be able to see us and no vampires will be around?’ Buffy thought. "I can’t. Willow and I have plans tonight. I’m sorry."

Angel was disappointed at her rejection. "Oh, okay. How about a raincheck for some other time?"

She felt like crying. Buffy didn’t want to say what she needed to say to him. "I don’t think it’s such a good idea. See, my life is really complicated right now and I don’t want you to get involved in it."

"You really do have a boyfriend, don’t you?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, I don’t. I just…don’t want to be dating anyone at the moment. And it has nothing to do with you. I’m sorry." ‘God, I hate lying to you, Angel. But it’s for the best.’

He simply turned his head away. ‘I was so certain Buffy felt *something* for me. How could I have been so wrong?’ he asked himself.

***

Willow sat next to her best friend at the table in the library after school. Buffy looked tired and weary, and the redhead was concerned. "Something’s wrong, I know it."

"It’s nothing," Buffy replied unconvincingly.

"No, you have ‘something’ face. I’m your best friend, you know you can tell me anything. What’s wrong?"

Tears stung the Slayer’s eyes, and a single tear landed on the page she was reading. "I lied to him, Will. I told him I didn’t want to be with him."

"Who?"

"Angel."

"Why would you do that to him? Is he so different from your other Angel? Didn’t you have a good time when you went out with him last night? I thought you’d like it if he took you ice skating."

Buffy put her head in her hands. "That’s what’s wrong. I had the best time; I never wanted it to end. We did go ice skating and when we got back to my house, Angel kissed me. It was right then – when our eyes met after the kiss – that I realized I love him. Not Vampire Angel, but Human Angel."

"Then what’s the problem?"

"Vampires will want to kill him. If they see him with me and/or find out I love him, they’ll stalk him and try to kill him in order to get to me. It’s already started; it started last night when a vamp threatened his life. I already lost him once, I won’t do it again," she explained.

"What will you do?"

Neither one of them heard Angel open the library door or step inside. "I’ll move on with my life. And find a way to keep Angel out of it. The last thing he needs is to be involved with me. It’s better this way," Buffy said. "For both of us."

‘What is she talking about?’ he wondered. ‘Why is it better that I’m not involved with her?’ Without making a sound, he walked out of the library. ‘If Buffy wants me out of her life, so be it.’

***

Part 13

The time was nearly seven-thirty when Mrs. Summers knocked on her daughter’s bedroom door. "Honey, can I come in?"

"Yeah," Buffy replied a few seconds later.

She entered the room, seeing Buffy dressed in a black skirt and a green tank top. "You look very nice. Do you have another date with Angel?"

Mrs. Summers never noticed the shadow of sadness play across her daughter’s face. "No. I’m meeting the gang at the Bronze tonight."

"Will he be there?"

"I don’t know. Maybe."

"Didn’t you two have fun last night? You looked so excited when he picked you up, I automatically assumed you enjoyed yourself," Mrs. Summers said. "Or am I completely wrong in assuming that?"

Grimacing, Buffy pulled her hair into a loose bun. "I did have a good time with him."

"Oh, no. He didn’t ask you out again. Is that it?"

"No, he did. I said no. I…I’d already made plans with Willow and Xander, and I didn’t want to break them. You always told me to keep my promises." ‘Liar,’ the voice in her head accused her.

"Well, maybe he’ll be there tonight and you guys can do something afterwards. I’ll let you stay out until one instead of midnight."

Buffy narrowed her eyes. "Why is this so important to you? Is there some pool at work and if I go out with Angel one more time, you win?"

"I just want to see you happy, like you were last night. Is it so wrong for me to want my daughter to be with a young man who treats her well? Besides, I liked Angel. He seemed like a very nice boy with a good head on his shoulders. The kind of boy you should be dating."

She sighed. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don’t want to be in a relationship? I’m perfectly happy with the way things are. I don’t need a boyfriend to be content with my life."

"Buffy–"

"Mom, do me a favor and stay out of my nearly non-existent love life."

She rolled her eyes, knowing there was no use in arguing with her. "All right. Have a good time."

***

"It’s really crowded in here tonight!" Willow shouted across the table to Buffy. It was half an hour later and they were sitting across from one another at the Bronze.

"What?!" She hadn’t heard what her best friend said.

"I said it’s crowded tonight! It’s not usually this loud in here!"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, I know. It is the band, they’re really loud. But they are good, I like them. A lot."

Willow looked to her left, feeling a pair of eyes on their table. When she saw who it was looking at them, she waved. "Angel’s over there, looking at us."

"Oh."

"Okay, let me rephrase that. He’s looking at you, Buffy. Why don’t you go over there and say hi? It’s the least you can do."

She vehemently shook her head. "No, I can’t. It – it’ll be way too hard."

"You know, this whole ‘he’s better off without me’ mentality is getting really old really fast. Can’t you see how much he likes you? Hasn’t it occurred to you that you’re hurting him by doing this and acting this way?" demanded Willow.

"It’s better than getting him killed." She took a deep breath. "I’d rather have him alive and hating me than dead."

Willow lifted her eyebrows. "Are you sure about that? Because you might lose your chance with him fairly soon if Harmony and Michelle have anything to say about it."

"What?" Following Willow’s stare, she saw Angel sitting at a nearby table to her right, at least three or four girls from their class flocked around him. It nearly stopped her heart and made her stomach fall. "Oh."

The redhead hated seeing her best friend so miserable. "Talk to him. Apologize for acting like such a bitca."

"Fine." She’d seen Willow’s resolve face and knew she would not take no for an answer. "I’ll wait until the crowd around him dies down a bit."

The two of them sat around the table talking, Xander joining them twenty minutes later. He noted the air of gloom surrounding the Slayer. "Hey, Buff. What’s wrong? You’re not your usual chipper self."

"That’s it," she stated, getting up out of her chair. "I’m getting out of here before my miserableness becomes contagious. Night, see you later."

Ten feet from the table, Cordelia stopped her. "You’re in an awful big hurry. Running off to slay some vampires?"

"Shut up, Cordy, and get out of my way."

"It seems like staking undead nasties is the only kind of action you’ve been getting lately. Especially considering Angel dumped you after one date. Didn’t take him too long to realize what a freak you are."

"Like you’re one to talk," Buffy retorted. "At least he didn’t run away in the middle of our date like he did with you."

Cordelia shrugged. "He wasn’t my type anyway. No sweat off my nose, there’s always plenty of guys for me to go out with. Too bad that isn’t the case with you. But it looks like a lot of other girls find Angel irresistible. Looks like you blew your chance. What a pity. Guess Angel has better taste than I thought."

"Bite me, Cordelia."

Buffy pushed past her, heading straight for the door. ‘I hope I run into a few vamps on the way home, I feel the need to kill something.’ A hand tapped her shoulder when she got stuck behind a group of loitering teenagers near the exit.

"What now?!" she exclaimed, whipping around in annoyance.

"Buffy, hi," Angel said cautiously. He wore a small smile on his face. "Are you leaving already? It’s still early yet."

Angel had tried his best to stay away from her the entire night, but he hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off of her. For some odd reason, he felt drawn to her. As soon as he spied her heading toward the door, he had abruptly left the table of girls sitting around him and chased after Buffy.

"Yeah, I’m going home. Lots of homework to do."

He gazed at her suspiciously. "But it’s Friday."

"I want to get it done early." ‘Lame excuse, Buffy. Like he’s really going to buy that one.’

"Well, do you think you can spare five minutes and dance with me?"

"I don’t–"

"This isn’t a marriage proposal," he said with a laugh. "It’s just a dance. I know you don’t want a boyfriend or a serious relationship; all I’m asking for is one dance. Dance with me, Buffy."

She shook her head. He was making it so difficult for her. "No. I just want to go home."

"I’m asking you nicely. Dance with me. Don’t make me beg, Buffy. Please."

Buffy knew he wasn’t going to give up easily. ‘One dance won’t hurt, I guess.’ "Okay. Just one and then I’m going home."

Taking her hand, he led her to the dance floor, where a slow song started playing. Angel gathered her in his arms and she rested her head in the space between his arm and his chest. ‘Why does this have to feel so perfect, being in his arms?’ Buffy wondered.

"I don’t understand why we can’t be more than just friends," Angel said. "I like you, a lot. And I get the feeling you do, too."

"I do. But we can’t. I told you, my life is complicated. It’ll only turn out bad for both of us if we start going out," she explained. "It’s not you, it’s me."

He raised her chin so he could look her directly in the eye. "You said that already. I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself."

"No, you can’t."

"I know you feel it, too, Buffy. You felt it when we kissed, just like I did. Something passed through us, you can’t deny it."

Once again, she shook her head. "Stop it. I can’t be with you. Don’t waste your time, just find someone else. I’ve seen all those girls around you, it shouldn’t be too hard."

"I don’t want anyone else." Angel couldn’t accept her answer. His mother always told him to fight for the one he loved, and that was exactly what he planned on doing. ‘One more try,’ he told himself. He lowered his mouth to Buffy’s for a kiss. She didn’t respond right away, but once she did, Angel didn’t waste the opportunity.

Keeping the kiss gentle as not to scare her away, he let his left hand wander from her waist to her neck, playing with the loose hairs that had fallen out of her hair clip. Using his tongue, he separated her lips to slip it inside. No sooner had he done that when Buffy suddenly pushed him away.

"I’m sorry," he apologized while she simply stared at him with confusion in her green eyes. "I don’t know what came over me."

"I have to go," Buffy said in a whisper before running out of the club.

"Buffy!" he yelled, hoping she’d turn around. When she didn’t, he walked over to where Willow and Xander were sitting watching the two of them on the dance floor. "I screwed up," he told them.

Xander grinned. "Oh well. Too bad." Though he didn’t mind Angel as a person, he wasn’t fond of the idea of Buffy dating him. Particularly when Xander still harbored a crush on the Slayer.

"She hates me."

"No, Angel, she doesn’t hate you," Willow informed him. "Believe me, Buffy doesn’t hate you at all. She’s confused about things; give her some time."

"I kissed her and she pushed me away. I’d say it’s fairly obvious by that action she doesn’t want me around."

"You win some, you lose some," chimed in Xander.

Willow gazed curiously at Angel. "You really like her, don’t you?"

"I actually think I might be in love with her. Dumb, I know, but I can’t help what I feel. But what does it matter?" Angel asked. "She doesn’t want me around. And now I have to move on."

"Angel, it’s not like that at all."

He ignored her. Walking out the door, he decided to put Buffy Summers behind him once and for all. No matter how much he cared for her.

***

Part 14

Over the next three weeks, Buffy managed to keep herself busy, thereby being able to keep her mind off of Angel. She’d decided to go out on a date with Cameron Walker – the second fastest swimmer on Sunnydale High’s swim team. Things only went south from there when he tried to grope her in the school parking lot, followed by him turning into a sea monster later that day. To make matters worse, Xander tried out for the team and was exposed to the toxins used to turn the team members into fish. All eventually turned out fine when it was discovered that it had been the Coach behind it all along.

"Wow," Buffy said with a smile. "You look amazing, Will."

"Really? You’re not lying, are you?"

She shook her head. "No way would I lie about this. You are gonna knock Oz’s socks off. That dress looks great on you."

It was the night of the Junior Formal, and Willow was attending it with senior Daniel "Oz" Osborne. The redhead was dressed beautifully in a long green dress and her hair in curls, but still felt apprehensive – it would be her first real date with a boy. She and Oz had gone out before in group settings, but never alone.

"I wish you were going with us tonight. The dance won’t be the same without you there," Willow commented.

"I’m sure you guys will manage to have fun without me. But if it makes you feel any better, I’ll be there with you in spirit."

"Buffy, come on, it’s not too late. You can wear that pretty white dress you wore last year." Willow paused for a moment. "You *did* go last year, didn’t you? Do you know what I’m talking about? Am I making any sense?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, I went, and I still have the dress hanging up in my closet. But due to the fact that I died in it, I don’t want to wear it again. Sort of brings back bad memories."

"I’m sorry…I didn’t know you died in that reality, too. Gosh, there’s still so much I don’t know about you. This you."

"It’s okay. One of these days, I’ll have to fill you in on everything that happened. Like Oz being a werewolf."

Her eyes widened. "A werewolf? Really? Wow." She sighed heavily. "Please come with us."

"Sorry, Will. I promised Giles I’d patrol tonight, and besides, I don’t feel like going stag. It’s not my idea of fun."

Walking over to her desk, Willow pulled out her address book, handing it to her best friend. "You don’t have to go alone. Call Angel. I know for a fact he doesn’t have a date."

"No. I told you, I can’t."

"Yes, you can. All you have to do is look under ‘C’, dial the numbers and ask for him. Simple as that."

"I really wish it were that simple, but it’s not."

She placed her hands on her hips. "What are you going to do? Go on avoiding him for the rest of high school?"

"I’m not avoiding him."

"You are, I know it. Why else would you be skipping lunch to go to the library? And you barely make eye contact with him in Chemistry. You love him, Buffy, and it’s eating you up. How long do you think you can go on like this?" Willow demanded to know.

"As long as I have to! I’m only doing it to keep him safe."

"Don’t you think he’d be safer if he knew what was really going on around him? And why you are being so nasty to him?"

Buffy bit her lip, knowing Willow had a good point. "I’m not being nasty to him. I just want him to be able to have some kind of normal life, something the Angel I knew never had. Even if it means breaking my heart in the process."

"It’s only a matter of time before he figures out something’s going on. He likes you, and I know he’s not gonna give up."

She glanced at the clock on Willow’s nightstand. "I should leave now. Oz will be here any minute. Have fun tonight and call me in the morning with details."

"It’s not too late, Buffy. You can still go."

"No. I’ll make my own fun tonight."

***

The Bronze was figuratively dead. There couldn’t have been more than twenty people in the club, Angel included. Most of the usual patrons were at the Junior Formal, taking place in the high school gymnasium. The people there tonight were either older or younger, and Angel was bored out of his mind. None of his new-found friends were there, so he sat alone at a table near the stage.

He’d had the opportunity to go to the Formal, but he had said no to the three girls who asked him. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go, it was that he didn’t want to go with them. None of them were Buffy. So he said no to Harmony, Michelle and Theresa, telling each of them he had plans for the night, when in reality, he was secretly hoping Buffy would ask him.

But she never did. Angel knew from Willow that Buffy was not going to the dance, and knowing left him with mixed feelings. On one hand, he felt happy because she wasn’t going with someone else; but on the other, it felt worse because she obviously didn’t want to go with him. He tried his hardest to forget about Buffy Summers, but every day, he seemed to fall a little bit more in love with her.

"Hi, there," a female voice said, jolting him out of his reverie. "Is this seat taken?"

Shocked, Angel looked up from the steaming cup of hot chocolate he was staring into. When he saw a petite blonde standing across the table from him, he smiled. "Hi. I mean, feel free," he replied, tongue-tied.

"Thank you. I’ve never seen you here before. Is this your first time?"

"I’ve been here a few times, but I never stayed too long. Actually, I moved to Sunnydale almost a month ago," Angel explained.

The girl nodded. "Ah, I see. You must go to Sunnydale High."

"Yeah, I’m a junior."

"How come you’re not at the dance?"

Angel shrugged his broad shoulders. "The girl I wanted to go with didn’t want to go with me. And it was either I sat at home with my sister watching television or come here. I chose here, it was less depressing and humiliating."

"Not much for the night life?"

"I’ve always been more of a home body."

She smirked, her blue eyes twinkling. "There’s something to be said for being a night person. It certainly has its perks."

"I guess. I’m sorry, I must be boring you to death."

"Hardly. I find you fascinating…oh, I didn’t catch your name."

"Angel."

"Angel," she repeated, nodding her head slightly. "Yes, it fits perfectly. You have such an angelic face. It’s nice to meet you, Angel. My name is Darla."

He took a sip of his hot chocolate. "You don’t go to Sunnydale High, do you?"

"No, I don’t. I go to St. Bernadette’s."

"Catholic?"

"You could say that. Members of my family date back to the Crucifixion."

Angel was impressed. "Wow. You traced your family back that far? I think my family got as far as the seventeen hundreds before we lost track."

"We keep very accurate records. You know, it’s dead in here. What do you say we get the hell out of here and go for a walk? I know a nice, private place we can go," Darla suggested.

He took only several seconds to think over her proposal. "Sure, sounds like fun. I’ve got nothing to lose."

***

Buffy was walking through the cemetery on patrol. Her mind wandered to the carefree days of patrolling with Angel by her side, sharing stolen kisses in the moonlight between slays. One particular night stood out in her mind.

//"It’s late," Angel said between kisses. "You should get home."

"What about the Gorches?" she wanted to know.

"I’ll hunt," he offered.

She stepped back a few inches, amazed. "You’d do that?" ‘He is so cool!’

"Not like I have an early day tomorrow."

After one more kiss, they broke their embrace. "True. And I still have to go home and fill out my egg diary."

"Your what?" The vampire was genuinely confused. No matter how hard he tried, he thought he’d never understand modern teenagers. Especially the one he loved.

"Oh, I told you about this faux parenting gig we’re doing at school. Like I’m really planning to have kids anytime soon. Maybe someday, in the future when I’m done having a life, but…right now, kids would be a little too much to deal with."

He looked away for a second before making eye contact with her again. "I wouldn’t know. I don’t…well, you know, I can’t."

"Oh." ‘Bad Buffy,’ she scolded herself. ‘Of course Angel can’t have kids, he’s a vampire. A dead guy; dead guys can’t reproduce.’ "That’s okay, um, I figured there were all sorts of things vampires can’t do. Like work for the telephone company or volunteer for the Red Cross or…have little vampires."

"So, you don’t think about the future?" he asked, trying to change the subject. It was beginning to make him feel awkward.

"No."

"Never?"

"No," Buffy replied again, simply.

He gazed at her with curious eyes. "You really don’t care what happens a year from now? Five years from now?"

"Angel, when I look into the future, all I see is you. All I want is you."

"I know the feeling," Angel whispered.\\

‘He’s still all I see of the future, and I don’t think that’ll ever change. I honestly don’t know what’s worse,’ Buffy thought. ‘Having a future with Angel – evil Angel – or not having a future with him at all. I can’t live with him thinking I don’t care about him when I love him enough to let him go. Maybe that wish wasn’t such a good idea after all. I wanted Angel human and now that he is, I’m miserable.’

Hearing two voices headed her way, she ducked behind a large gravestone, waiting for them to pass by.

"The private place is in a cemetery?" Angel questioned. "This is a little weird, even by my standards."

‘Angel!’ she said to herself. ‘What’s he doing here?’

"You’ll love it, I promise," the girl who was with him stated.

The two walked into a mausoleum, the one Buffy recognized as being the entrance to the Master’s lair. Angel entered first, and his female companion took a quick look around the graveyard before following him inside. It was then that Buffy recognized her.

"Darla," she said. "Shit. Angel’s with Darla. I have to help him."

***

Part 15

"Are you sure about this?" Angel asked nervously as Darla led him by the hand down the long corridor. "It seems a little *too* private. Maybe we should go back."

Darla turned around, smiling at him. "You worry too much, Angel. We’re perfectly safe."

"It’s just…I don’t know. It’s so dark and damp and dreary. You don’t know what lives down there."

"Don’t be such a wimp. I’ll protect you from the creatures of the night."

He stopped dead in his tracks. "It isn’t the creatures of the night that I’m worried about. It’s the bats and mice and snakes I don’t like."

"Really? You’re not afraid of vampires and the undead?" she questioned.

"How can I be afraid of something that doesn’t exist?"

Darla hummed softly. ‘He’s more than just a meal. Oh no, this one has potential. Angel will be my greatest creation. He and I will rule together.’ "You don’t believe in vampires whatsoever?"

"Only in books and movies. Aside from that, no. It’s all make-believe."

"You’re quite jaded, Angel."

"No, I’m realistic." He felt very uncomfortable with Darla. Being in a secluded place with a young woman he hardly knew suddenly felt like a huge mistake to him. "Look, I don’t think this was such a good idea. I should definitely get back home. My sister’s probably wondering where I am."

"Don’t be such a goody-goody. Live a little."

Consciously, Angel knew she was right, he was a goody-goody. He’d always taken the safe road his entire life, never taking unnecessary chances. "I guess I am. All right, let’s go."

She continued to lead the way for another hundred feet. The two stopped walking when they reached the entrance to a deserted cavern. "Where are we? It looks like a cave," Angel commented.

"Actually, it used to be a church," Darla informed him. "It was buried during the 1937 earthquake."

"You’re a fountain of information, aren’t you, Darla?" he joked.

"What can I say? I love history. Now, what do you say we cut the chit chat and get straight to business? I don’t like to waste time." ‘Even if I do have an eternity.’

Angel backed away several paces. "I thought you brought me here to show me this place."

"That wasn’t the only reason I brought you here, Angel," she said suggestively.

"Look, I’m not interested in you that way," he told her. "I-I like someone else, a girl I go to school with and I love her and I don’t want to do something that might get back to her. I’d never hurt her like that. I’m sorry for misleading you."

"All I want is one kiss, and I’ll leave you alone. You’ll be free to go back to whoever she is."

"Darla…"

She gave him her best puppy dog look. "Please? She’ll never have to know. It’ll be our little secret. Now close your eyes."

He did as she told him. ‘One kiss won’t hurt. It’s pretty obvious Buffy doesn’t want anything to do with me. Maybe I should just give up on her.’ He felt Darla’s lips on his, kissing him roughly. She had him pinned against the wall, her right hand moving the collar of his shirt from his neck.

Angel pulled his lips away when he felt a prick against his tongue. "Why the hell did you bite me?" His heart pounded and he couldn’t breathe when he saw her face. It had become bumpy and enlarged, her teeth elongated. "What are you? What are you doing to me?"

"Proving that vampires do exist. Let me show you my world."

***

"Not again," Buffy chanted as she burst through the door to the mausoleum. "Darla cannot do this to him again. I won’t let her. Not when I just got him back."

Listening for noises, all she heard was silence; not a good sign. ‘They’re down here, I just don’t know where. I have to find him and get him to safety before Darla does something awful to him. Like turn him back into a vampire.’

Remembering how treacherous the corridor was from previous treks down there, Buffy walked carefully. The last thing she needed was to get hurt while trying to help Angel. Her cautiousness was costing her precious time, so she sped up.

Her heart stopped when she reached them, terror filling it. Darla had Angel pressed up against the wall of the cavern, her fangs deeply imbedded in his neck. His eyes were closed and Buffy could tell that his breathing had slowed considerably.

"Let him go!" she demanded.

Darla looked up, extracting her fangs from her victim’s neck. "Who the hell are you?"

"I’m the Slayer. What do you say we skip the introductions, I already know who you are, Darla. I have to ask, what is it with you? I wish myself into bizarro world and you can’t keep your fangs out of him here, either?"

The vampire dropped Angel to the ground, the landing making him moan in his semi-conscious state. "You killed the Master, you bitch." She looked Buffy up and down. "You don’t look so tough. You’re nothing but a schoolgirl, Slayer."

Buffy shrugged. "Looks can be deceiving."

"Don’t I know it. Ask your friend down there," she agreed, motioning to Angel. By this time, he was fully conscious and beginning to sit up. "He tasted wonderful. He was to be my greatest creation. And you ruined it."

"I won’t let you do that to him again," Buffy vowed.

"Again?" Darla repeated. "Slayer, I think you’ve run into too many vampires. I never touched him until tonight."

"You know, Darla, there are very few things I regret in my life. One of them being that Angel dusted you before I got the chance. Thankfully, I’ve been given the chance to remedy that."

With a hiss, the vampire threw herself at Buffy, successfully knocking the Slayer off her feet. Darla pinned her down, making it difficult for Buffy to move. "How would you like to be next? Slayer blood is always the sweetest. You’ll make a lovely snack." Off the look on Buffy’s face, Darla smiled. "Oh, don’t worry, I won’t turn you. Looks like you’re nearly insane anyway, turning you into a vampire would only be a waste of time. I don’t fancy you living forever."

Unbeknownst to the vampire, Angel had stood up and was standing behind her. "Get away from Buffy!" he warned, trying to push her off the Slayer’s body. "Don’t hurt her!"

She turned and pushed him away from them. Angel went flying across the room, landing on a piece of glass, which penetrated his flesh. ‘I have to help Buffy. It’s my fault she’s here in this mess.’

Seeing him fall sent hatred and anger running through Buffy’s veins. "You’re gonna pay for that."

In the blink of an eye, Buffy yanked a handful of Darla’s blonde hair, causing her to screech, thus giving the Slayer the opportunity to get out from underneath her. She didn’t waste a single second in whipping out her stake from the waistband of her pants.

"This time, I’m going to make damn sure you don’t get involved in my love life again," Buffy quipped before plunging the stake through her unsuspecting nemesis’ heart.

Once the dust that had at one time been Darla settled, Buffy ran over to where Angel lay on the cavern floor. "Angel? Can you hear me?"

"Yeah, I hear you. I can’t get up, though. I need some help."

Getting down on her knees, she helped him sit up. "Are you okay? Can you walk?"

Nodding, he slowly got to his feet. "Uh-huh. How are you?"

"I’m fine." For the first time, she noticed the red blood stain on his white t-shirt. "Angel, you’re bleeding! You have to get to the hospital."

"No," he argued, shaking his head at the suggestion. "It’s okay. I just need to go home. No hospitals, please."

"But you could have seriously hurt yourself. You might need stitches."

Angel draped his left arm over Buffy’s shoulder for support. "I’m weak, I don’t need to go to the hospital. Help me get home, Buffy."

"Are you sure?"

He took a deep breath. "Positive. Just don’t leave me alone. I don’t think I can make it home on my own."

"Okay. I’ll be right by your side." ‘Forever.’

***

Part 16

It took them twenty minutes to get back to Angel’s apartment, mostly because Buffy had to help him walk. He had the majority of his weight resting on her shoulders, her holding him upright by putting her arm around his waist. The touch of her hands on him made his pulse quicken.

"This is it," he told her. Angel captured her gaze, looking for something in her eyes that would tell him if she felt something. All he saw was an expressionless stare. "Thank you for helping me get back home."

"I’m not going yet," she informed him. "Someone has to patch you up."

"Buffy, I’ll be fine. You can go home; I’m sure you’d rather be anywhere else but with me." He dug into his pocket to get his house keys.

She shook her head. "Stop this. There’s no place else I’d rather be than here with you. I’ll bandage you up and we can use this opportunity to talk."

"What’s there to talk about?" Angel unlocked the door, and he and Buffy stepped inside. The apartment was empty. "My sister must be at work still. I’ll be fine now. Just go." ‘Don’t go. Please, don’t go, Buffy.’

"No way. I already told you, I’m not going anywhere. Now, where does your sister keep the first aid kit?" Buffy wanted to know.

Angel sighed, realizing there was no use in trying to persuade her to leave, despite how much he wanted her to stay. But he knew asking her to stay would seem childish and pathetic. "In the kitchen cupboard, next to the stove. She’s always cutting or burning herself in there."

"Take off your shirt and I’ll get the stuff ready."

He did as she asked him to, struggling to get the shirt over his head. The cut hurt more than he led her to believe, and his neck throbbed from Darla’s bite. He was glad Buffy was there, he’d never be able to explain his cuts and bruises to Cathy. Once his t-shirt was discarded over the back of a chair, Angel leaned against the counter.

When she saw him standing there in only his jeans and sneakers, his chest moving up and down from his breathing, Buffy’s breath caught in her throat and she had to swallow. It brought back the memory of the first time she’d invited him in her house after running into The Three. The first time she’d seen him without a shirt on.

//"I was lucky you came along." With suspicion in her voice, she began her next question. "How *did* you happen to come along?"

"I live nearby. I was just out walking," Angel replied, keeping his voice steady and convincing.

Buffy lifted her eyebrows. "So you weren’t following me? I had this feeling you were." ‘I hope he was following me. God, I hope so.’

He smiled faintly at her correct assumption. "Why would I do that?"

"You tell me," she said, patching him up. "You’re the Mystery Guy who appears out of nowhere. I’m not saying I’m not happy about it tonight, but if you *are* hanging around me, I’d like to know why."

"Maybe I like you."

"Maybe?" she questioned, half-joking and half-hopeful.\\

"That cut d-doesn’t look as bad as I originally thought. Maybe you won’t need stitches after all," she stammered, struggling to keep her composure in the nearness of his naked chest. ‘I want so bad to run my hands along his skin, to feel his warmth. Does he feel the same as my Angel?’ she wondered.

"When did you become a medical professional?"

Buffy kept her attention on placing the sterile bandage over the gash along his stomach. "Two years of experience in patching myself up after one battle or another. It’s not as if I could run to my mother every time I got hurt."

"What happened back there, Buffy? What was Darla? And what exactly are you?" Nothing seemed to make any sense to him anymore. The world as he knew it was askew.

"You’re going to think I’m crazy if I tell you."

"Try me. I want to know what happened to me. Don’t I deserve that much?"

She closed her eyes. All she wanted was for him to be safe from the things the night held. Now she was being forced to tell him. "I only wanted to keep you out of harm’s way, Angel. I never thought it would backfire on me like that."

"What are you talking about?"

"Vampires are real and so are demons. I kill them. I’m called a Slayer."

"A Slayer? I don’t understand; I’ve never heard of such a thing."

Taking a deep breath, Buffy continued. "The Slayer. In every generation, one girl is born with the ability and skill to fight the vampires. You’re looking at this generation’s Chosen One."

"And Darla’s a vampire?" Angel asked. Suddenly, it all the pieces fell into place for him. He understood.

"She was. I staked her." She finished putting the last piece of tape on his wound. "There. All done."

"She bit me." Angel placed his right hand over the bite mark. "Darla was going to kill me."

Buffy shook her head, reaching into the first aid kit for another bandage. "She wanted to make you a vampire. This is all my fault, Angel. I never wanted you to get hurt. If I hadn’t pushed you away, you never would have gotten into this situation with Darla. I’m sorry."

"You didn’t want to go out with me, so I accepted an invitation from the first pretty girl who looked at me."

"That’s not true. Of course I wanted to go out with you. But–"

He interrupted her. "I know when I’m being given the brush-off, Buffy. I wanted so badly to be a part of your life, and you wouldn’t let me. I kissed you and you pushed me away."

"I only did it to keep you safe. If you were a part of my life, you’d only get hurt. Demons would go after you to get to me, and I didn’t want that for you, Angel. I wanted you to have a normal life. You’d never have that with me."

He didn’t reply right away. Buffy had begun tending to the bite mark Darla left on his neck, dabbing a cotton ball with alcohol over the wound. It stung, causing him to bite his bottom lip to keep from crying out. He didn’t want to seem like a baby in front of Buffy.

As she put the bandage over the two puncture wounds, Angel exhaled the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. "You saved my life tonight. I can’t thank you enough for that."

"It’s my job."

"I can’t stay away from you, Buffy. I won’t. Especially now that I know the truth."

She shook her head. "You have to."

"How can I stay away when I love you?" he asked.

Buffy looked up from the gauze she was taping to his skin. "Y-You love me?" she stuttered. ‘He loves me?’

Angel nodded. "I have since that first night I ran into you after my horrible date with Cordelia."

"You love me," she said again, softly as if a whisper.

He placed his hands on her cheeks, forcing her to look him in the eye. In her emerald green orbs, Angel saw a mixture of relief and fear. "Yes, I love you." Slowly, he brought his lips to hers, only this time, Buffy didn’t push him away.

***

Part 17

‘He loves me, he loves me, he loves me,’ Buffy repeated over and over again in her mind as Angel kissed her. ‘Why does he have to love me and make it harder than it already is?’

Angel held her close to him, trying desperately not to let her go. He had her -- finally -- and wasn’t about to lose her again. Not when he’d admitted his feelings for her. Never in his short life had he spoken those three words to a girl, save for his mother and sister. It was a whole new experience for him.

The kiss intensified, both of them pouring their hearts and souls into it. Through her thin black blouse, Buffy felt the warmth radiating from his skin. It felt both strange and comforting at the same time. It was different from the Angel in her memories, and she welcomed the difference. No longer could she convince herself that this was the Angel she fell in love with a year ago. This was a completely different man; a man she loved, too. Caught up in the passion of their embrace, Buffy lifted her arms to wrap them around his neck, inadvertently rubbing her right arm against his wound.

Angel pulled his lips away, his face contorting in pain. "Ow," he said softly.

Her mouth fell open in horror. "Oh, god, I’m such an idiot. Angel, I’m so sorry," Buffy apologized.

"I guess we’ll have to be more careful."

"I’m really sorry."

Angel couldn’t help but laugh. "You know, every time you and I kiss, one of us always ends up apologizing. It’s becoming a pattern."

"Sounds like you’re right," she agreed with an embarrassed smile playing upon her lips.

He caressed her cheek gently with his left hand. "Next time we do that, there’ll be absolutely no apologies. Because there will be nothing to apologize for."

"I think we need to do some talking before we do anything else," Buffy suggested. "It’s not that I didn’t like the kiss, I just think we should talk things out first. Before we let things go any further."

"I agree. Just let me get my shirt back on." He picked up his blood-stained t-shirt. "Maybe I should put one on that *doesn’t* have a big blood stain on it."

"Might be a good idea," Buffy agreed. "Do you need any help?"

"No thanks," Angel declined. "I got the shirt off by myself, I should be able to get a new one back on without any trouble. Do you want to have a seat in the living room while I am changing? It should only take a minute."

She nodded. "Sure."

While Angel went into his bedroom to put on a new shirt, Buffy sat down on the couch in the living room. To pass the minutes by while waiting, she surveyed her surroundings. ‘Angel’s sister has good taste.’ On the walls were several copies of Rembrandt paintings, and two sculptures in glass encasements. Aside from the couch was a reclining chair and an entertainment center.

She picked up a picture sitting on an end table next to the couch. It was a framed five by seven of who appeared to be Angel and his family, taken a few years before. ‘He looks so young,’ she thought.

"That’s my family," he informed her, silently coming up behind her. He smiled at her as he sat down to her right.

Buffy put the picture back where she found it. "I didn’t mean to snoop or be nosy."

"It’s okay. The picture was taken two years ago at the Erie Basin Marina. My parents and my sister Cathy were in the picture with me."

"Oh." She didn’t know what else to say.

Sensing her discomfort, Angel decided to change the subject. "I don’t want to sound superficial or anything, but is this bite mark going to scar?" he wanted to know.

She shook her head. "I don’t think so. At least mine never did."

"You…you were bit?" Angel asked incredulously.

"Yeah. Last year at this time I had to fight the Master." Noting the confused look in his brown eyes, she began to explain. "He was the master vampire in Sunnydale at the time. To make a long story short, he tried to open the Hellmouth and bit me. Dropped me in the water – in the cavern where Darla took you, no less – and I drowned."

He raised his eyebrows in shock. "You drowned?"

"Uh-huh. Xander and A – Xander revived me. Needless to say, no scar. I don’t think yours will either. I can only imagine what my mom would say if I came home with a bite mark on my neck. It’s not like I could tell her it was an angry puppy or something."

"She doesn’t know about the Slayer thing, I assume."

"That would be a big, fat no. I have thought about telling her, but she’d never understand. I’d much rather let her think I’m a pyromaniac."

Angel nodded in understanding. "I get it. Ignorance is bliss where your mother’s concerned. Exactly how long have you been the Slayer?"

"Going on two years."

"You’re not born as the Slayer?"

"No. You’re called. When one Slayer dies, the next is called, and I was called. There *have* been Slayers trained from birth, but I wasn’t one of them. My first Watcher called me after school one afternoon and I was out killing vampires that night."

Getting more comfortable, Angel asked his next question. "What’s a Watcher, if you don’t mind my asking."

"A Watcher guides the Slayer, trains her, etc.. My first Watcher died and I was assigned a new one when I moved to Sunnydale last year. That’s the reason I spend so much time in the library, Giles is my Watcher." She took a deep breath. "You can’t repeat any of this, Angel. Nobody knows who I am and I’d like to keep it that way."

"This is the reason why you didn’t want to go out with me? Because of your secret identity? None of that matters to me."

"I didn’t want you to get involved in this mess I call a life. I’ve lost too many people because I’m the Slayer. My Watcher, friends, potential friends, acquaintances and…and a boyfriend I loved. I didn’t want to lose you, too."

He moved over so that there was only an inch between them. "I don’t scare easily, Buffy. I don’t care who or what you are, as long as you’re Buffy Summers. And I love Buffy Summers, Slayer or not," he stated matter-of-factly. "I refuse to let a silly thing like that keep me out of your life."

"Vampires aren’t silly, they’re real. And extremely dangerous." Buffy had to make him see the danger he would be in. "You don’t know how to protect yourself."

"The way I look at it, I have three options. One is to stay as far away from you as possible, but I’ve already voted against that one. Two is to stay at home at night and cower inside like a frightened child. Three is that if I go out at night, it’s only with you. Frankly, number three is my favorite. And I’m not that boyfriend you loved and lost; I’ll be careful because I know what’s out there now."

Buffy bit her lip. ‘Angel knew what was out there and I still lost him.’ "I told you–"

"Listen to me. You’re not getting rid of me and I’m not willing to give you up. What I feel for you, I have never felt for anyone before. It’s scary and exciting all at the same time. My mother once told me that’s what love feels like, and she was right. I love you, whether you want me to or not."

"I only pushed you away so you wouldn’t get hurt," she told him.

Angel took a strand of her hair and let his slip between his fingers. "I know why you did it."

Tears burned her eyes. "I love you so much, Angel, I didn’t want to lose you. I can’t." ‘Not again.’

"You won’t," he swore, kissing away the solitary tear that had fallen from her eye. After peppering kisses across her cheek and on the tip of her nose, Angel brought his lips to hers, keeping their kiss tender, letting Buffy set the pace this time.

Being deprived of the taste of the man she loved, for nearly five months, caused her to respond to him almost instantly. With more care than earlier, Buffy slipped her arms around his neck, playing with the short hairs there. Their embrace intensified, the heat between them almost combustible.

"Oops. My bad," a voice came from the left.

They broke the kiss, Angel seeing his sister standing inside the open door of the apartment. "Cathy. I didn’t hear you come home."

A smirk graced her lips. "Apparently."

"Cathy, this is Buffy Summers. Buffy, my older sister Cathy."

Buffy smiled, embarrassed at being caught making out with Angel on the couch. With one glance, she could easily tell that Angel and Cathy were brother and sister; both had the same dark brown hair and friendly brown eyes. "Hi. Nice to meet you. Angel’s told me a lot about you."

"Same here. Although my little brother neglected to mention how pretty you are."

"Thanks. Um, I, uh, should get going," Buffy said, standing up.

"You don’t have to go on my account. I can go sit in my bedroom and read a book until you two are done with whatever it was that you were doing."

She shook her head. "That’s okay. Mom’s probably wondering where I am." Buffy turned to Angel. "I’ll see you later."

"Can I call you tomorrow?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes, please do."

He walked her to the door. "Be careful."

"I always am."

***

Cathy walked into her brother’s bedroom an hour later. He stood with his back to her in a pair of black boxer shorts. "She’s cute. And nice, from what I can tell. Try not to screw it up."

"I won’t," Angel promised, turning around to face her.

Her brown eyes widened with shock and concern when she saw the cuts and bruises on his chest and neck. "Oh my god. What happened to you?"

"Got in a fight," he lied.

"From the looks of it, the other guy won," Cathy commented. "You’ve never gotten into a single fight in your entire life. How did it happen?"

"It was nothing."

"Was it because of a girl? Buffy, perhaps?"

"Yes and no. Look, Cathy, I really don’t want to talk about it. Can we please drop the subject? I’m tired and I’d like to go to sleep."

She looked at the clock in his bedroom. "At ten forty-five?"

"It was a long day."

"All right. Just do me a favor. Invite Buffy over for dinner one night this week. I’d like to properly meet her. You know, instead of walking in on the two of you frenching on the couch," Cathy teased.

Angel sighed. "Fine, I’ll ask her tomorrow."

***

Part 18

At one-thirty the next afternoon, Buffy stood in the kitchen, putting together a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, cradling the telephone between her ear and her shoulder. Mrs. Summers was at the gallery doing the monthly inventory, leaving her daughter home alone for the afternoon.

"Come on, Will," she prodded. "We’ve been on the phone for nearly five minutes and you haven’t told me anything juicy yet. I want the details. Don’t make me go over there and beat it out of you."

On the other end of the line, Willow giggled. "I already told you. Cordy humiliated Harmony by spilling fruit punch down the front of her white dress because Harm went with Devon and he said no to her when she asked him."

"I don’t care about that, even though I’d have given anything to see it. No, I want to know about your first official date with Oz. And don’t you dare leave anything out."

"It was fun. I never slow-danced with a boy before. Buffy, I liked it. Having a boyfriend is so cool!" she gushed.

"From what I remember of it, yeah, having a boyfriend is cool. So, tell me. Did he kiss you at the end of the date?"

Willow smiled. "Uh-huh. After the dance in his van when he dropped me off at home. My first kiss!"

Laughing, the Slayer took a bite out of her sandwich. "Congrats. You’re catching up. Pretty soon, you’ll surpass me in dating experience."

"Oh no, no way. You are way ahead of me. It’ll take years for me to catch up." Willow already knew about Buffy’s tragic love affair with Angel, the souled vampire. One Saturday night late last month, they’d had a sleepover and Buffy told her everything.

"I doubt that. Just take things slow. Don’t be in a hurry to play catch up. Especially with me of all people."

"I won’t," the redhead promised. "What did you do last night? Patrol?"

"Yep. Turned out to be a pretty interesting night. I saved Angel from a vampire attack."

Dropping some fish food into her aquarium, Willow widened her eyes. "You did *what*?" She wasn’t sure if she heard Buffy correctly.

"I was patrolling through the cemetery when I heard voices. After I hid, I looked to see who it was. Damn good thing, too, because it was Angel and Darla," Buffy informed her.

"Darla? As in vampire Darla? ‘I turned Angel into a vampire two hundred and forty years ago’ Darla?"

"One in the same. I followed them into the Master’s old lair and managed to stop her before she turned him again. We fought, she hurt Angel, so I had no choice buy to stake her sorry ass. It felt so good."

"Is Angel okay?" Willow wanted to know. ‘Duh,’ she said to herself. ‘Buffy wouldn’t be in such a good mood if he wasn’t.’

Buffy shuddered at the memory of him lying on the cavern floor. "He’ll be fine. He got cut by a piece of glass on the floor, not to mention the bite mark from Darla on his neck. Other than that, Angel will be as good as new."

"He knows about everything now, huh? I mean, about vampires and demons being real. How’d he take it?"

"Surprisingly well. Angel pretty much took it all in stride. Obviously, he had a few questions about it, and about me being the Slayer. But overall, it went well."

"At least he doesn’t think you’re a freak."

Buffy frowned. "Thanks, Wills," she said sarcastically.

"I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Now he knows why you kept saying no to him every time he asked you out. And since he knows about all that stuff, are you finally going to give in and go out with him?"

"Well, we did kiss last night, and his sister Cathy walked in on us! It was mortifying, being caught making out on the couch. But before that, it was wonderful. Kissing Angel felt like coming home…it’s hard to explain. I just don’t know where things go from here. He said he loves me and won’t stay away from me. Will, I’m still so afraid," Buffy admitted. "I can’t stand the idea of losing him again."

"When he said he loves you, what did you say to him?"

"Nothing at first. Eventually, I did say it back. I told him how much I love him and how afraid I am of losing him. God, I almost blurted everything out."

Willow posed her next question carefully. "Are you planning on telling him everything? About the wish and all that stuff?"

"I guess I’ll have to. Not right away, though. Angel’s dead set on making this work. I’ll have to tell him the truth sometime."

***

"You’re from Los Angeles originally, right?" Cathy asked Buffy Sunday night at dinner.

She nodded, swallowing a mouthful of mashed potatoes. "Yeah. Mom and I moved here after my parents got divorced. That was a little over a year ago."

"Do you visit your father often?"

"I spent the majority of last summer with him. But he spent most of the time working, so I didn’t see him a lot. I’m supposed to spend a couple weeks with him this summer."

"When?" Angel asked curiously. Suddenly, the idea of being away from her for any extended period of time scared him.

Buffy bit her lip, trying to remember the dates her parents had agreed upon. "I think it’s most of July. Yeah, yeah, the first week of July is when I leave."

"That’s in three-and-a-half weeks."

She nodded solemnly. "I know. But I don’t get to see my dad too often, so I like to spend as much time with him as possible."

Cathy figured it would be a good time to change the subject. She could see how upset her brother was getting over the idea of Buffy leaving town for a couple weeks. "So, Buffy, have you decided where you will be going to college?"

"Probably UC Sunnydale. I’m not overly scholastic. Besides, I can’t exactly leave Sunnydale right now."

"Why not?"

‘Oh man! Now what do I say?’ "Um…because of my Mom. I don’t want to leave her here all alone."

"You two are close?" Cathy guessed.

"You could say that. I can’t really see myself living anywhere else. Sunnydale is my home now."

"I know exactly how you feel. The place sort of grows on you," Angel’s sister agreed. "We always figured Angel would go off to medical school at UCLA. Right?"

Angel smiled. "I don’t know anymore. Sunnydale is kinda growing on me, too."

***

Angel and Cathy walked Buffy to the door at eight-thirty. "Thank you for having me over. Dinner was delicious," Buffy said.

"It was nice to play mother for once, if only to approve or disapprove of Angel’s girlfriends. I always wanted to do that. You’re welcome back here any time you like, Buffy."

She laughed. "I take it I passed?"

"With flying colors. Be sure to tell your mother I said hello."

"I will."

Angel held the door open for her. "Here, I’ll walk you out of the building."

Buffy said goodbye to Angel’s sister before he took her hand in his, leading her to the front entrance of the apartment building. "You never told me you were going away."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Sorry. It never came up. It’s not for another three weeks and I’m only going to L.A.. It’s only two hours away."

"What am I going to do without you around?" he asked.

"I know this is going to sound mean and totally heartless, but you shouldn’t get too attached to me. Slayers aren’t notoriously known for living long, healthy lives. We die young, most of us before the age of twenty-one," she said. ‘Better to break it to him now.’

"How can I not get attached when I’m in love with you? It’s way too late for that. And you are not going to die young."

Buffy shook her head. "I already did, Angel. I know how short life is, and how precious it is. The last thing I plan on doing is wasting the time I have left."

"Then don’t waste it. You don’t have to leave so soon. Stay at the apartment a little longer. We can watch a movie or just hang out," Angel suggested. "Spend some quality time together getting to know each other."

"I’d love to, but I can’t. Duty calls."

"How about if I come with you?"

"No!" she exclaimed. "You are *not* going on patrol with me. Absolutely, no way on God’s green earth."

He narrowed his eyes. "Why not? I’m not afraid."

"I said no. I don’t care if you’re not afraid of them, and neither do they. Vampires are mean and strong and fast. And deadly."

"But–"

"I don’t want you involved in this part of my life. It’s safer for you if you’re not," she told him. "Angel and slaying are two non-mixy things."

Angel grimaced. "You let Willow and Xander patrol with you. Why is it so different for me? Why can’t I do it, too?"

"Willow and Xander…I discourage them from coming along. They help out with research more than the actually slaying."

"I’ll do that, then. I can look stuff up. I’m a bookworm."

"Can we not talk about this? The answer is no and it will remain no. End of discussion."

***

Part 19

In the library late Monday morning, Buffy’s Watcher sat inside his office, poring over his most recent entry in the Watcher’s Diaries. Perfection was a way of life for him, and Giles wanted to make sure he’d recounted Buffy’s experience with Darla without leaving anything important out.

A knock at his door tore his attention away from his reading. "Come in," he said to his visitor.

The door opened, and Angel walked inside the office. "Hello, Mr. Giles. Am I interrupting something important?"

"No, not at all. Please, come inside. Is there something I can do for you?"

"Actually, yes, there is. It’s about Buffy. I – she saved me from a vampire attack on Friday night. And now I want to know as much about her as I can. There are things she won’t tell me, and I get the impression she thinks I won’t understand. But I need to know what I’m getting myself into," Angel told Giles. "I want to know about her being the Slayer."

He shook his head. "You should speak with her about this. It isn’t my place to say anything."

"She won’t tell me about it. Buffy is trying to shield me from the things she has to deal with every day. I have a right to know, don’t you think?"

"I suppose you do. Have a seat and I’ll tell you what you want to know. However, I do want to warn you that you may not like everything I have to say."

Angel sat down. "Don’t worry about me, I can handle it. All I want to know is what’s out there and why Buffy is the one who has to fight it by herself."

"She isn’t fighting by herself. There is another Slayer in the Caribbean who fights as well. Not to mention she has me, and the entire Watcher’s Council of England at her disposal."

"She told me a little bit about what a Slayer is, but not a lot. I was hoping you would be able to fill me in on everything."

Giles took a deep breath before beginning his tale. "Into every generation a Slayer is born. She alone has the strength and skill to destroy the vampires. Most Slayers are found by the Council at birth and trained by their Watchers until the day in which they are called into active duty. When one Slayer dies, the next one is called."

"Yeah, Buffy told me that already. She died, that’s why there are two Slayers, right?" asked Angel.

"Precisely. Buffy was revived by Xander, but the other Slayer had already been called the very second her heart stopped."

"Why Buffy? Why is she the Slayer? Is it some special gene she was born with?"

As he had a minute before, Giles shook his head. "There is no ‘Slayer’ gene in her body. She was born the Slayer, there is no other way of putting it. Buffy’s body was designed to fight vampires and demons. We did not find her until she was fifteen. Until that day, she was your normal, average teenager."

"So, then she was called and trained."

"Yes. But a Slayer must be isolated from the people around her. Having friends and family and even boyfriends can prove deadly. Buffy, though, doesn’t play by the same rules the other Slayers before her did. She sees her friends as assets. That doesn’t mean she does not fear for their lives on a daily basis. But she allows them to help in their own unique way."

"I don’t get that. She’ll allow Xander and Willow to help her with slaying, but not me. Why?"

Giles sighed. "Being the Slayer means having a secret identity. Perhaps in this case, she wants to keep you sheltered."

"Somehow, I don’t think that’s the whole reason," Angel disagreed. "I get the idea it has something to do with her old boyfriend."

"Wh-what do you mean?" stammered the Watcher.

"She mentioned to me the other night that she lost someone she loved; a boyfriend. Buffy said she didn’t want to lose me like she lost him. How did she lose him, Giles? What happened to him?"

‘Apparently Buffy hasn’t told Angel everything.’ "I’m afraid it is up to Buffy to tell you that. It isn’t my place to discuss her personal affairs."

"But you know what happened," he hypothesized. "Look, she won’t open up to me. Every time I get close, she pushes me away. I want her to know she can tell me anything."

"Perhaps you should tell her that. Buffy…she keeps to herself, is weary of letting anyone into her world. Go slow and don’t push her to tell you things she’s not ready to discuss yet. She must be handled with kid gloves."

"Is it because of everything she’s been through? She told me about her parents’ divorce and what happened at her old high school. I’d never purposely hurt her. God, I love her."

He lifted his eyebrows at the boy’s confession. "Have you told her that yet?"

Angel nodded. "Friday night after she saved my life. I just want to be a part of her life, but Buffy makes it so hard."

"She simply doesn’t want you getting hurt."

"I know. But I want to know what she is up against. Tell me about vampires and demons."

"What do you want to know?"

"How do you become one?"

Giles leaned back in his chair. "Becoming a demon is a rare and difficult feat. Very few humans are turned into demons, so I won’t get into that. Vampires are much simpler. First, you must be bitten and drained of your blood until nearly the brink of death. In order to be sired, you must drink their blood. Most of the time, they are simply out for the kill. What you might find interesting is that they are particularly choosy when it comes to turning humans. They don’t sire just anyone."

"Stakes, sunlight and fire kill them, right? Like in Bram Stoker?" Angel wanted to know.

"There is also beheading. The most common method is a stake through the heart. Although with some older, master vampires, that doesn’t work."

"Why not?"

"They are older and less vulnerable to the elements. It took a rather large piece of wood for Buffy to kill the Master last year. But he was many centuries old. The fledglings tend to be much easier to kill."

"What’s a fledgling?" Angel was quickly becoming engrossed in the vampire lore.

"A newer vampire who is less than a year old. There are many different types of vampires. Fledglings, minions, childer and masters."

He smiled. "Vampirism is like a feudal society. Everybody has their place."

"Exactly. If a Master is killed, his favored childe may take his place as head of the family, or order. The most common being the Order of Aurelius."

"Are all vampires bad? Or is it impossible for them to be good?"

Giles frowned. "I have never known of there being a good vampire." His thoughts strayed for a moment to Buffy’s tales of her Angel. "Not naturally are there good ones. What happens is that when the person dies, the demon takes over their body, with the same memories as the person who inhabited it. There is no discernible good remaining. However, I have heard stories about a vampire with a soul."

"What does that mean?"

"A vampire is a thing of pure evil, with no guilt or remorse for those it kills. This particular vampire had been cursed with a soul, or a conscience if you will. He felt guilty for those he hurt, he tried to make amends, and was one of the rare creatures who had the ability to love."

Angel was intrigued. "How do you know all this?"

"I’m a Watcher, it’s my business to know. The vampire, ironically, fell in love with a Slayer. I read about their love a great many years ago." ‘It won’t hurt him to say that much,’ Giles thought. ‘It’s not as if he knows who I am talking about.’

"That is really romantic, very Maudlin. What happened to them?"

Giles shrugged, making up a lie. He couldn’t very well tell Angel who the vampire and Slayer really were. "I honestly don’t remember."

"Is he still out there?" he wanted to know.

"Somewhere. Pining away for his lost Slayer, I suppose." The telephone on the desk began ringing. "I’m afraid I have to answer that. If you have any more questions, feel free to come see me and I will be happy to answer them."

"I will. Thank you," Angel replied, getting out of his seat.

***

Buffy was all smiles when she walked into the library for her after school training session. "Hey, Giles! I’m ready to kick your British butt!"

When he didn’t answer, she began to worry. He was always waiting for her when she arrived. ‘There better not be another prophecy.’ "Are you here? Come out come out wherever you are."

"I’m in here, Buffy," his voice came from his office.

She followed the sound of his British accent. "Are we training today or what?" Buffy stopped in her tracks when she saw the expression on his face. "What is it? What’s wrong?"

"I just received a phone call from the Council early this afternoon. I’m afraid I have some rather upsetting news. Kendra, the other Slayer, is dead."

***

Part 20

Buffy stared in utter shock at what Giles had just told her. "What?"

"Buffy, when the Master killed you for those few minutes last May, another Slayer was called. You never met her, but she lived and fought on one of the Caribbean Islands. Her name was Kendra, and from what I’ve heard, she was a good fighter, very dedicated to her calling."

She shook her head in disbelief. "I can’t believe it. Kendra is gone. She…she seemed almost invincible."

"How do you know this, Buffy?" Giles wanted to know. "The two of you never met. Unless…"

"We met. Back in November, she came to Sunnydale to help me fight Spike and Dru and the Order of Taraka. Spike sent a group of assassins to kill me, to keep me out of his way while he kidnapped Angel to save Drusilla. It was some kind of blood ritual. To save her life, she needed the blood of her sire – Angel. It would have killed him.

"Kendra’s Watcher told her that there was a big evil brewing here and sent her to take care of it. We didn’t know another Slayer had been called, she thought I was a vampire because she saw me kissing Angel. To make a long story short, she helped me save Angel just in time. Then she went back. I never heard from her again."

"I never knew. I’m sorry."

Buffy nodded. "I guess there’s a lot about me you still don’t know. And I haven’t been very forthcoming with the details of my other life." She closed her eyes, the sadness building within her. "How did she die, Giles?"

"There was a vampire. He stole an obelisk containing a demon named Acathla. When unleashed, Acathla could swallow the world, sending any and all living things into hell. Apparently, the vampire found a way of awakening Acathla, but Kendra managed to kill him, sending him to hell instead of the world. One of his minions…he took her sword from her and…and killed her with it."

"Oh god," she said, placing her hand over her mouth to keep from crying.

"I wish I didn’t have to tell you this," Giles offered.

She shook her head. "No, I’m glad you did. I didn’t know Kendra very well, but I liked her. She was the only other person in the world who understands what my life is like. We lived virtually the same life."

"It must be hard. I know what it’s like to lose a friend."

"Have they called a new Slayer?" she wanted to know.

"Yes. She was called this morning; the young girl is a year younger than you and lives in Boston, Massachusetts. Her name is Faith."

"Oh."

Giles stood up. "Why don’t we skip today’s training session?" he suggested. "You’re upset and you won’t be able to concentrate as well as you usually do. Just go home and get some rest, Buffy. I’ll see you in the morning."

***

She stood motionless in the hallway outside Angel’s apartment. After leaving the school, she walked the four blocks to his home, needing someone to talk to. Buffy knew he would be open-minded and would listen to her without question. For a few moments, she reminisced about her first meeting with Kendra.

//"Let’s start again," Buffy said. "You’re the *who*?"

"I’m the Slayer," Kendra replied in her thick Caribbean accent.

Buffy could only stare, speechless. ‘Slayer? No way.’ "Nice cover story. Here’s a tip – try it on someone who’s not the *real* Slayer."

"You can’t stop me," she retorted. "Even if you kill me, another Slayer will take my place."

Buffy’s patience was wearing thin. "Could you stop with the Slayer thing? *I’m* the damn Slayer!"\\

Hesitating for a second, she knocked on the door. ‘Please be home, Angel. Please be home,’ she repeated in her mind.

A minute later, he opened the door, seeing a shaken Buffy standing in the hallway. Her eyes were red and puffy, obvious signs that she had been crying, or was about to. "Buffy," Angel said. "What’s wrong? Did something happen to you?"

She sniffled. "Can I come inside? I really need someone to talk to and you were the first person I thought of."

"Of course you can." He opened the door wider to let her inside. "Do you want some tea? You look like you could use something to drink."

Buffy shook her head. "No thank you."

"All right. Have a seat and we can talk about whatever is bothering you." He led her to the couch and sat down next to her.

She took a deep breath. "I showed up at the library after school today to train with Giles like I do almost every afternoon. He was sitting in his office, just staring at the desk. I knew something was wrong, so I asked him. Kendra, my sister Slayer, was killed by a vampire this morning."

"God, Buffy, I’m sorry."

After holding them in for half an hour, Buffy let her tears fall down her cheeks. "There’s nothing anyone could have done. She’s dead, Angel. The only other person who knew what it’s like to be me and she’s gone. I only met her once, but I feel like a part of me died along with her. I should have been there, like she was there for me when I was in trouble. And now she’s gone forever. She was so young, it isn’t fair."

Angel took her in his arms, offering comfort and security. He could sympathize with her, after having lost his parents in a fire, and could just imagine how devastated he would be if he lost her. "It’s okay, Buffy. Everything will be okay."

"I face death everyday," she sobbed into his chest. "And it hurts so much, knowing that I lose friends because of it. Kendra shouldn’t be dead. I should."

"Don’t say stuff like that. You cheated death because it wasn’t your time yet."

"Nobody understands us. We save the world and nobody even notices. And when we die, it’s simply another day. The world doesn’t mourn, they get another Slayer. What’s the point of fighting?" she questioned.

He held her tight, wanting to keep her in his embrace forever. "I don’t know much about what you do, but I do know the world needs you. How many times have you saved the world?"

"A couple."

"And I bet that’s what Kendra was doing when that vampire killed her."

"She was."

"You two are the real heroes. You’re out there fighting the forces of darkness every single night, with little or no reward. Buffy, I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for you. I’d be one of those things you kill, just another vampire. That’s why you fight, to keep people like me safe."

Buffy sat up, looking at him. "I’m sorry for dumping my problems on you, Angel."

"It’s fine. That’s what a boyfriend is for. I want you to know you can come to me anytime and tell me anything. Even if you think I won’t understand, I’ll at least listen."

"I don’t want to run to you every time I have a problem. It isn’t fair to you. You don’t need to get sucked into my world."

Angel placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "It’s too late for that. I’m already a part of your world. Even though you won’t let me help with the slaying, I’ll be a shoulder for you to cry on."

She smiled. "You have no idea how much that means to me. I haven’t had one of those in such a long time."

He had the vague idea her last shoulder to cry on was her old boyfriend, the one she lost. "What happened to him, Buffy?"

"Who?"

"The boyfriend you told me about; the one you lost. I’d like to know what happened."

Buffy vigorously shook her head. "I can’t. Not yet."

"Is it that bad? Please, Buffy, it might make you feel better if you tell someone about it."

"I want to tell you, really I do. But it’s too soon and you’d never understand. I love you, Angel, just remember that."

"I love you, too. Whenever you feel ready to tell me, I’ll be right here. And I promise to do my best to understand," swore Angel.

‘Telling him…how can I do that?’ Buffy wondered. ‘How do I tell him the only reason he even exists is because I wished him into existence? Angel will hate me, I know it. No, I can’t tell him, not yet.’

Go to Part 21