Summary and Spoilers: Everything up to Season 5 of Buffy, set during „Into the Woods". Buffy is tired of pretending and tells her friends exactly what she thinks about them. In this story Joyce has recovered from her cancer and Glory is already defeated.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine, they belong to Joss, though he is doing bad things with them.
Note: I didn't see „Into the Woods", but I have been spoiled enough to know what happened and I am sick of it. Here is what should have happened:
Feedback: Won't write a sequel without it.

„You should go after him, Buffy!" Xander says.

I turn to see Riley walk away through the woods toward the waiting helicopter. He wants me to go after him. Right. They wanted me to be with Riley from the start. Once in a lifetime guy and such. The guy who paid Vampire whores to bite him, but I guess that isn't his fault, right? I should forgive him, right?

I turn back toward Xander and shake my head.

„You gotta be kiddin' me!" I say and walk away, in the opposite direction from Riley.

„Buffy, what ...?" I can hear Xander blurt out behind me. It means nothing.

Nothing has meaning anymore.

#

I don't know how long I wandered through the night without a particular goal in mind. I don't care anymore. I am so tired of pretending, so tired of doing what everyone is expecting me to do. Can't they see that it's tearing me apart? Don't they understand?

When I finally make my way home I can see Xander and Willow sit on the front porch. Great. I really need that right now.

Willow sees me first and comes to meet me, looking concerned. By now, though, I can see right through that concern.

„Buffy, are you all right?" She asks me, her voice dripping with sympathy.

„As if you care!" I mumble and walk right past her. I don't need to see the astonishment on her face. I can hear it in her gasp.

„Buffy!" She says, catching up with me. „I know this must be pretty hard for you, but ..."

„You understand nothing, Willow!" I yell at her, my rage bursting free. „I am sick to death of you and the others."

She doesn't even get the insult. She thinks I am just lashing out in pain.

„I know you're in pain, Buffy." She continues, not even hearing my words. „Riley leaving you must be hard and ..."

I laugh out loud and she startles back. I can't believe these guys.

„You think this is about Riley? God, Will, where have you been this last year? Riley leaving was the first good thing that happened to me in a long, long time. I am only sorry that I couldn't work up the nerve to ditch him first."

Xander has joined us, standing beside Willow, looking at me with confusion on his face.

„Buffy, you can't mean that," he says, „Riley is a good guy. Okay, he made some mistakes, I know that, but ..."

„Mistakes? You call paying Vampire whores to bite him a mistake? God, Xander, wake up and smell the blood-soaked coffee, okay? Riley is sick."

Willow is close to tears and the sight alone makes me want to puke.

„You two were so much in love." She whispers between tears.

That tears it. I walk toward her, grab her by the hem of her shirt, lift her into the air with all that Slayer strength. Being tougher and stronger than just about anyone else never helped me with them. Then again, I never tried.

„Stop that, Willow!" I yell at her. „You know nothing! Oh, I know you only tried to do what was best, right? That was always what you tried to do, right? Poor Buffy, we have to hook her up with someone. Someone who has a pulse, someone she is supposed to love because we say so. Scott! Parker! Riley! All those nice, normal guys."

„Buffy, stop that!" Xander yells, trying to get Willow down. He can't, of course. I am stronger than him.

„You never cared about what I wanted," I yell into Willow's face, „you only cared about what you thought I needed. You had the nerve to be sore with me when I didn't show enough sympathy for you when Oz left? How much sympathy did you show when Angel left me? Hell, when I had to kill him? You only ratted on and on about how I needed to get over it. Give Buffy a week of sorrow, then she has to date again because you say so."

I finally let her go, throwing her to the ground. She stares up at me like she's never seen me before.

„Newsflash, Willow!" I keep yelling. „I never cared about any of the guys you tried to hook me up with. But you always knew how to push my buttons, so I went along. I felt guilty about running away, so I thought I had to do something to please you guys. But it was never enough, was it? You always had to run my life the way you wanted it because you never had a life of your own to speak of."

I can see how much my words hurt them and it feels good. After nearly three years of just taking it I have finally worked up the nerve to give it back a little.

„Buffy ..." Willow whines.

„How did you like your own medicine, Willow? When Oz left you I gave you the exact same thing you gave me. A week of sympathy, then I told you to get over it and forgot about the problem. Not so great when the shoe is on the other foot, is it? I killed Angel and you all wanted me to just forget about it like it didn't matter. Like he didn't matter."

„I thought you had finally gotten over deadboy." Xander grumbles.

„That was what you wanted from the beginning, right? Forget about the man I was madly in love with and jump into your arms. Too bad, Xander, it never happened. Not even when you so conveniently forgot to tell me about Willow's attempting to recurse him on the day I killed him."

He pales, taking a step back. I walk toward him, my fists trembling with all the rage that has built up inside me for a long, long time.

„You think I never figured that out, Xander? I figured it out the moment Angel was cursed again. Why would Willow tell me to kick his ass if she was attempting the curse again? Quite simple, she never did. You made me kill him, Xander. You made me kill the man I love more than anyone else and you never even felt guilty about it."

I can see that he is afraid of me. Good, he should be.

„Buffy, I only wanted ..."

„I don't care what you wanted. Not one of you ever thought of Angel as a person. He saved all your lives a hundred times over, yet none of you ever wanted anything else but to see him dead. He is not a person, right? Just a monster. How convenient."

I turn back towards Willow.

„Of course Oz is also a monster, but that never stopped you, Willow. No, it was different with you, right? You are not poor Buffy, who needs to have her life run by other people. You pushed me into Parker and I just went in and did it to please you, not even three months after Angel had left me. Didn't matter, right? Angel's just a monster, don't matter that I love him.

„Parker dumps me and five seconds later you try to hook me up with Riley. You decide that he is the great love of my life and not fallback guy. No, fallback guy was Parker, Riley is that once-in-a-lifetime guy that you decided I should love.

„So I had to play all-American girlfriend, had to make Riley feel needed even though he was worse than useless in every way. I should forgive him all his mistakes, they are just because I didn't pay him enough attention while my mother was dying and my sister was being hunted by Glory. Didn't matter, I had to please Riley because you wanted him to be the love of my life.

„I found the love of my life a long time ago and you made me let him go. Guess what I found when I cleaned out our dorm room, Willow? The disk with the translation of the curse. The curse that you put on Angel nearly three years ago. And guess what I didn't find when I looked closer?"

Now Willow pales. This night is just full of revelations, isn't it?

„No happiness clause!" I yell in her face. „You knew that there was no more happiness clause the minute you cursed him, but somehow it slipped your mind, right? That wouldn't have fit into your plans for me, right? You wanted me to have a nice, normal relationship, so you just decided it would be better for me if I didn't know that nothing stood between me and him. To think that I ever considered you a friend."

I spit on the ground before them, enjoying the way they flinch back.

Don't ever come near me again or I swear I will make you regret it!"

With that I leave them standing there and walk back towards my house.

„Where are you going?" Willow shouts after me.

I turn toward them one last time, putting all the hatred I feel for them into my eyes. Maybe that will finally make them see that I mean it. No more nice, friendly Buffy. That's over with and done.

„I will try and make things right. Now get lost!"

„We are your friends, Buffy!" Xander yells.

„No, you never were." I say without turning around again. „I do not know you. Nor do I wish to know you."

I leave them standing alone in the night and if a Vampire came out to bite them right now I wouldn't care. Angelus. Darla. The Master. Mayor Wilkins. Adam. Spike. Glory. I don't think I ever hated any of them as much as the two people behind me.

Friends, yes? With friends like these, who the hell needs enemies?

I walk into my room and pack my bag. Mom will be out of the hospital tomorrow, fully recovered from the surgery. She doesn't need me anymore. Glory is gone, so Dawn is safe. Whatever she is the key for, I no longer care.

The only thing I still care about is in Los Angeles.

I just hope I don't come three years too late.

Go to the next story Make Things Right

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