Disclaimer: The characters in this very odd story don't belong to me. I love them more than Joss does ::sniffle:: but he won't share. So I have to make my own fun. I wish I owned Angel, I could use him right about now. But sadly, I won't get him because Joss is having too much fun torturing him, as are Twentieth Century Fox and Mutant Enemy.

Author's Notes: I wholeheartedly apologize for this insane piece of writing. It is the result of *way* too much caffeine and not enough sleep. Maybe just a touch of heat stroke too. It's just my own sick humor, bear with me. I'm not even gonna *try* to explain this one, so just read on. I'm speculating *a lot* about the new season, just to let ya know. And I mean no harm to Joss...okay, so I do. But not in this story. I'll be good, I promise! And let me know what you think, I love feedback!!! //<--Anything in this is the stuff that's being written.

"Buffy, what're you doing?" Angel asked as he walked up to where she sat on the library counter. The only noise in the room had been her vigorous typing and the rustle of pages as the Scooby Gang researched. Buffy didn't look up as she answered.

"Writing fan fic," she replied, engrossed in her story.

"Lemme see," he said, pushing her gently aside. His eyes widened as he read what his girlfriend had written. "Whoa, I never thought you'd stoop that low," he said as he shook his head. She gave him a look.

"What? It's the only way we can let our viewers know we're having fun off- camera," she told him.

"Do they *really* need to know?" Angel asked. She nodded fiercely.

"All they see is the hell that Joss puts us through. I'm just letting them know we have our own fun..." she said coyly. Angel gave her a half-smile.

"Does Joss know about this?"

"Of course not. Now go away, you're ruining my concentration," she said, playfully pushing him. He gave her a lingering kiss and jumped up onto the counter, sitting next to her as she continued typing.

"No way, I'm gonna help," he said with a gleam in his eye.

Giles walked out of his office, looking slightly relieved. "I've just gotten word that Graduation Day Part Two will air on July 13th," he said. The others looked up.

"It's about time," Xander grumbled. "Do you know how many bruises I got from that final fight scene?"

"Oh, quite your bitching," Buffy retorted. "Angel was dying and I had to beat him up to make him drink my blood, only to end up in the hospital. Yet I still had to get strong again so I could kick the Mayor's ass. Oh, and let's not forget the part where Angel left without even saying anything."

"Hey, I was the one in the freakin' coma for the whole show, how do you think I feel?" Faith demanded. Willow nodded.

"I know how you feel, I was there. They did that to me last year. And this year they make me look like a big slut for missing the beginning of graduation!" Willow cried.

"At least he still lets you do that," Angel said angrily.

"Yeah, but you guys got that really steamy scene where you drink her blood. How many cold showers did that one take, Dead Boy?" Xander grinned.

"Hello, does anyone care about me?" Cordelia asked. "I mean, my dad lost *all* his money and I had to kiss *Wesley.* No offense, Wes," she said.

"None taken," Wesley replied from his spot on the stairs.

"Hey, I'm the one who *died* here. At least you guys still get screen time," Jenny said from her spot at the table. The others agreed. She had it worst of all.

"Any complaints, Oz?" Buffy asked as she continued typing. Oz shook his head.

"I'm pretty much of the good. Except for the whole werewolf thing," he scowled.

"God, the man acts like he's...God, or something," Buffy said, stumbling over her own sentence slightly. "And the new show is a perfect example of it. I still can't *believe* he didn't want us together," she told Angel. He nodded.

"I'm sorry you found out about that, I didn't want to tell you. Remember how you got after Becoming?" Angel asked, recalling how they had had to lock her in the metal cage whenever Joss had come into the room.

"The little bastard was lucky to get away with his life for that one," Buffy snarled. Angel put a comforting hand on her shoulder and she went back to writing her illicit story. He looked over her shoulder as she typed and gasped. "I can't *believe* you're telling them about that!" he cried. She grinned wickedly.

"Oh you loved it. They should know," she replied. Angel remained silent.

"Angel, when are we supposed to start shooting?" Cordelia asked from her place on Xander's lap.<

"Sometime next week. Did you see the script yet?" Angel asked. She shook her head. "You're putting that in too?" he asked. Buffy nodded, concentrating on her work.

"I still can't believe he's actually going through with it. Um, hello, he's totally splitting us up. I mean, Xander's going to 'find' himself or whatever, we're going to L.A., Wes is going to England--"

"And I'm still dead," Jenny said sulkingly. Willow shot her a sympathetic look.

"Maybe he'll bring you back as the First again," she said. Jenny snorted.

"Oh, yeah, that would be *great.* Did anyone see the motives for that? We haven't heard from it since and it was totally pointless," Jenny complained.

"He was just covering his own ass, he had to come up with an excuse to explain how Angel came back. Personally, I think he could've done a lot better, made it more interesting and stuff," Buffy replied. "And I can't believe he's splitting us up, either, Cordy. But we don't have a choice, I mean what can we do? Strike?"

"Are you kidding? We're, like, bound to Joss by blood. He totally controls us," Xander said. The others nodded.

"So, back to the fan fic?" she asked. There was no reply as everyone went back to their reading. She shrugged and continued typing. The library doors burst open a few minutes later and everyone stared at the new arrivals.

"Why am I not surprised to see you all here?" Spike asked as he led Drusilla into the library. They groaned. "What? Better get used to me, guess who's a regular next season."

"Yeah, we heard. It'll be as fun as removing teeth with pliers," Buffy muttered under her breath.

"I could've been one too, but I can't take acting crazy twenty-four/seven and the whole 'Let's Destroy the World' thing is not exactly my cup of tea," Dru said as she glided to the table. She plopped down in an empty chair. Spike strolled over to the counter and glanced at the screen.

"Geez, Slayer, I didn't fancy you for writing that adult fan fic stuff. Are you even old enough to *read* it?" Spike asked with a grin. Buffy glowered at him.

"I'm eighteen, *William.* Did you watch anymore of the third season? I know you weren't on, but you should've at least kept up," Buffy said. Spike shrugged.

"It got bloody boring, ya know? You and Angel would be all lovey-dovey one minute and 'taking a break' the next," Spike replied, lighting a cigarette.

"No smoking in the library. Geez, do you vamps need souls to have manners? Oh, and don't even get me started on the whole 'break' crap. I was gonna kill Joss..." she trailed off, turning back to her story. "And besides, even if I wasn't 'of age' I could still write it. I mean, ninety percent of today's teens have done all this stuff," she said hotly.

"Bloody shame. No one waits 'til marriage anymore," Spike said with a grin.

"You're one to talk," Angel retorted as he took over the keyboard for a second. Spike leaned an elbow of the counter and began reading the story. He whistled.

"Talk about graphic. You're so full of it, Angel," Spike said.

"Every word is true," Buffy said with a wink. Over by the table, the Scooby gang was talking quietly. The doors opened again and everyone turned to see who it was.

"Who the hell are you?" Buffy asked as the unfamiliar guy stepped over the threshold and walked into the center of the room. He cracked a cocky grin.

3"Riley Finn. You must be Buffy. You look even better that the pictures," he said flirtatiously. Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Great. The new love interest. What're they calling you, the 'New Mr. Right?' What a bunch of bull. You should see how many people hate you already," Buffy said with a grin.

"They'll love me as soon as I walk on camera," he said confidently.

"Yeah, sure they will," Xander said, giving him a thumbs up. "Stupid boring guy."

"So, Buffy, what do you say you and me go get...acquainted," Riley said, running his eyes over her body. Angel shot daggers at him with his eyes and jumped down, ready to defend his girlfriend.

"Over my dead body," he growled, then groaned. "That was the worst pun I've ever heard."

"Yeah, I'd have to agree with you there, Dead Boy," Xander said from his seat.

"Well, since you *are* pretty much dead, that shouldn't be a problem," Riley said. Buffy rolled her eyes again.

"Okay, look, Riley. I don't know if Joss explained this to you or not, but when we're not filming we can do whatever the hell we want. So, off camera me and Angel have this thing going...and you're not a part of it. Go take a walk to the cemetery," Buffy said hotly, returning to her work.

"How's the story coming, baby?" Angel asked, putting his arms around his girlfriend possessively and giving her a quick kiss, well aware of Riley's eyes.

"It's done, I just have to proof it and send it to my lists. I'm thinking of making it a series..." she said with a devilish grin on her lips. Angel groaned softly.

"We'll have to try some of those things sometime," he whispered, loud enough for only her to hear. Spike strained to listen to what he had said, but he missed it. He gave Riley a once over and hated the stupid guy with a passion.

"So, you're the Slayer's new boy-toy," he said as he circled Riley, acting like the predator he was.

"Actually, I kinda got the idea *she* was my new toy," Riley said. Spike gave him a look.

"The Slayer's got one toy, and he's busy shoving his tongue down her throat at the moment," Spike replied, jerking his tongue over to the counter where Buffy and Angel were busily making out. "They never stop, off camera they're rarely seen."

"That's great. Just wait until we have our first sex scene," Riley said, again with confidence. Spike was getting more and more pissed off by the minute. Drusilla saw this and quickly stood to calm him down. Riley looked at her. "You're that crazy psycho bitch, aren't you?"

Drusilla growled, showing her mouthful of sharp teeth. "I'm perfectly sane, thank you so much."

Riley shrugged and looked the group over. "Hey, Cordelia, any chance you'll be coming to the show so you and I can...ya know?" Cordelia laughed.

"No, kissing stupid annoying losers isn't in my contract. Sorry," she said in a snotty tone.

"But you used to date Xander," Riley pointed out.

"He's not stupid, just lazy," Cordelia snapped. Riley gave up and turned to Faith.

"So, Faith, feelin' hot and horny right about now?" he asked with a smirk. Faith gave him a look.

"Even if I were, you'd be the last person I would call. I doubt you have the stamina," Faith responded wickedly. Riley looked away uncomfortably, his eyes focusing on Willow.

"So you're the Wicca in training, huh? You suck. You can't even turn Amy human again," he said in a tone that made Willow want to beat him senseless with a nice metal bat.

"True, but I've perfected the spell for turning someone into a rat..." she trailed off, letting the meaning sink in.

"Oz, love the way you play. Gotta say I was shocked when you went crawling back to her after she cheated on you," Riley said, jerking his thumb at Willow. Oz1s face remained a mask. "Do you ever talk?"

"Occasionally, but I usually just think," Oz replied before turning back to his book.

"Aren't we the chatty bunch," Riley remarked as he surveyed the group. He was about to go over to ridicule Giles and Jenny when he felt someone standing behind him. He turned quickly and barely contained the scream that threatened to erupt from his mouth.

"Boo," Spike said, laughing hysterically. Riley jumped and then glared at Spike. The others burst out laughing and Riley looked like he was either going to throw a tantrum or cry.

"Aw, is the baby gonna cry?" Xander teased. Riley turned his glare on him. Xander didn1t seem fazed.

"Why don't you guys like me?" Riley whined. Buffy detached her lips from Angel's and spoke up.

"Because you're stupid and annoying and think that you'll make me forget all about Angel. News flash, buddy. Nobody wants you here. Well, except Joss, and that's just because he had too much acid the other night. Even the fans already hate you with a fiery passion!! There are clubs dedicated to the destruction of little ole' you," Buffy said, watching as her words made tears begin to flow down Riley's cheeks. "And on top of it all, Joss picks a *huge* loser--who cries, no less--to be my new boyfriend." Buffy sighed. "I can't win."

"It's not fair," Riley wailed. "You guys were all supposed to love me and so were the fans. Joss promised me!"

"Joss is on so much acid he once told me that he had invented the question mark. Of course, he had been watching Austin Powers at the same time and was arguing with the TV. Don't believe a word he says," Buffy replied. Riley continued to cry and sniffle and was pissing everyone off.

"If someone doesn't shut him up, I swear I'll rip his voice box out," Spike growled. Drusilla placed a comforting hand on his arm.

"Shh, dear heart. We mustn't upset Joss," she said softly. She led Spike over to the wall where she began kissing up and down his neck tenderly. Riley realized no one was paying attention to him. Buffy and Angel looked to be getting hot and heavy on the counter and no one even stopped them. The others were talking about going to the movies that night and Riley just gaped.

"Okay, Buffy and Angel are screwing on the counter and you guys don't even care?" he demanded.

"What're we gonna do?" Xander asked. "We're used to it. Now we don't even bat an eye when they start going at it."

"That's disgusting," Riley said, shaking his head. The others rolled their eyes.

"So, Cordelia, you looked really hot in that cat costume on Halloween," Riley said, sliding up to her chair once more. Xander gave him a look that Riley chose to ignore. Cordelia sighed.

"Riley, go rearrange that card catalog or something," Cordelia replied sweetly as she took out a brush and began brushing her long brunette tresses. Riley didn't give up.

"So, are you two an item off camera?" he asked, pointing out the fact that she was sitting comfortably in Xander1s lap. She nodded.

"We have our moments," she said with a sly smile. "And this is one of them, so go away."

Riley wandered over to Spike and Dru, who were cooing quietly to each other near the magazine rack. They sighed as they saw him approach.

"The guy's been here ten minutes and I already want to drain him," Spike said.

"Keep your temper, Spike. Joss wouldn't be too pleased if his new character is eaten," Drusilla pointed out. Spike growled.

"Yeah, Joss wants himself to be included in the show and he thinks he'll be living some second childhood with Riley. You know, now he'll actually get the girl," Xander said, hearing their conversation. Riley began chattering Spike's ear off, talking about how Buffy would love him as soon as she kissed him.

After about a minute Spike couldn't take it anymore. He broke away from Drusilla and grabbed the annoying boy by the shirt collar. Riley looked at him with terror in his eyes as Spike's face shifted. "I don't really care what Joss says. Sorry you never got your fifteen minutes of fame, mate," Spike says as he bit into Riley's neck. No one made a move to stop him. He dropped the drained body and wiped his mouth absentmindedly.

"Is somebody going to move him?" Buffy asked as she pulled her tank top on. Spike shrugged.

"I ain't touching the bastard. His blood was rather dull," Spike said, making a sour face as he nudged the body with his toe.

"Someone should put him in Joss' office," Willow suggested evilly. The others nodded.

"What do you think he'll say?" Angel asked. Buffy shrugged.

"Who's on acid duty? His dealer is coming in and we need to cut off his supply before he brings in someone else," Buffy said. "Any volunteers?"

All eyes moved to Spike.

"What? Just because I eat everyone who crosses my path, I'm always chosen to kill the dealers," Spike whined.

"Either that or walk around in a tutu. Which is probably what Joss will have you doing if he gets his acid," Buffy pointed out. Spike immediately perked up.

"Tutu?! Which door is he coming in?"

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