Disclaimer: 100% Jossage
Rating: There is a little swearing in this. Apart from that, it's fine fun for the whole family.
Distribution: Yep. Yep. Yep. Send the addy. If you have anything of mine, just take it.
Series: Third in The Confidante Series, which consists of But Not Today and Questionable Identity.
Author's Notes: Yoko Factor is non existent. Set after Sanctuary. A year and a half after the other two.
Author's 2: I know nothing about prison and visitiational stuff. This may be inaccurate.
Author's 3: This is completely off topic, but I just saw Lily/Chaterelle/Anne on Charmed! I think it was her, at least. Her hair was different, and her voice sounded fuller, but it was her. Oh, and I'm watching Fear (the movie) and the song Wild Horses is on! You probably don't care, but hey, I've had a boring week.
Summary: Buffy goes to see Faith. They talk. It's this whole big thing.
Feedback: It Pleases Me. Enough said.

Buffy walked stiffly down the hall behind the guard, eyes nervously darting around the narrow corridor. She wrapped her arms around herself, squeezing her eyes shut against the surge of fear that shot though her at the thought of what was waiting at the end of that rapidly narrowing hall.

Faith.

Such a simple name for such a terrifying creature. A deceptively innocent label on a vessel of such confusion and chaos.

The guard came to a stop in front of a door with a rectangular glass panel. He took out a heavy ring of keys, sliding one into the lock and twisting it. Buffy heard a distinct click, and her heartbeat quickened. She was more terrified than she had been in years, even though she knew that Faith wouldn't dare challenge her. That Faith didn't really *want* to challenge her.

No, Faith couldn't harm her physically, even if she had wanted to. Buffy had always been the stronger of the two. What Faith could do, without even the barest hint of intention, was derail all her hard work. The work she'd put into herself, and getting back to a stage where she felt comfortable again. Comfortable, and secure.

Before, she'd been wandering through this maze of walls of her own creation. Curling tendrils of a new person had already begun to overgrow along the walls. It had been one of the most difficult things she'd ever had to do to chop away those weeds and tear down the barriers of her soul. It left her open, and vulnerable. It made her recognize how much she'd been hurting everyone around her. How clueless she'd been about every one else's heartache. How clueless she'd been about her own....

It was like the halloween that they'd all turned into their costumes. She remembered being on the inside, looking out, and fighting against the force that was taking her over. It was the same this time, only her costume was a smile and a gaze rather than cotton and silk.

It was still a costume, though. And at the end of the night, the costume has to come off, no matter how well it hides the bumpy bits.

She took a deep, not-so-relaxing breath, and stepped into the rooms. Her eyes met Faith's, and for a moment, her vision blurred, as if she were going to faint.

"Buffy..." She heard Faith whisper as she closed her eyes against the dizzyness that flowed over her. She inhaled, exhaled, and opened her eyes.

Faith was still there, trembling slightly. Her eyes were widened slightly, and Buffy saw a tinge of fear in them.

"You're afraid of me." Buffy said cocking her head to the side, her voice lowered.

Faith looked down at the table, then slowly lifted her gaze back to Buffy and nodded almost imperceptibly.

Buffy took this in, raising an eyebrow and her chin in a masquerade of dignity. "Why?"

Faith didn't reply, and Buffy crossed her arms, shifting slightly before pacing back and forth across the room. "I mean, if one of us should be afraid here, I'd think it would be me." She shrugged. "It's a result of the repeated assault and attempted murder, I guess."

Faith flinched. "Is that why you're here?" She asked. "To remind me of what I've done to you? Because believe me, Buffy, I remember every moment."

Buffy shook her head. "Faith....for me to let go of this....I need to be able to confront you. I just need to get it out....Please...." Her voice became a little desperate, and when Faith looked at her, she could see her friend from years ago, the one who seemed like a real person, instead of a clone inserted into her life.

"Sorry." She said, hugging herself.

"You well and truly fucked me over, Faith." She said, bitterness creeping into her voice. "You forced me to see the emptiness that was my relationship with Riley, created a void between my friends and I....Things were never the same after the body switching incident, you know. Giles is the only one I....It hurt that they didn't know who I was. Especially Riley."

"Why?" Faith asked. "Why Riley, more than the others, when they've known you longer?"

There was a long pause, and Buffy eased herself into the chair across from Faith, resting her elbows on the table, cradling her head in her hands.

Finally, she looked up at Faith. Her voice cracked as she spoke. "Because Angel would have known." Her face crumpled a little. "And now he hates me too....can't blame you for that one....that was all me....or the Pod-Person that had taken over my body...." She brought her knees to her chest, and suddenly Faith didn't think she was talking to her anymore. "How do you apologize to someone, and explain your actions, when you have no clue why you do the things you do?" Buffy said, a faraway expression in your face. "When there's no explanation, no excuse for what you've done except that you were hurting and your first instinct was to lash?"

"It's been a year and a half, and I still haven't worked that one out." Faith said quietly.

Buffy's eyes returned to the now, and she studied Faith. "You once told me that I had no idea what it was like on the other side....how it felt to be out of control." She swallowed. "You were wrong." She looked at the ceiling, speaking her thoughts aloud. "It's like you're freefalling. And everything is rushing by so quickly, and half the time you don't realize what you're doing 'til it's already done." She leaned back in her chair. "After Angel left, I cried for a long time. I spent half my summer curled up in a ball, crying my heart out." She paused. "Come to think of it, that's how I've spent every summer since I was called." She crossed her legs indian style. "It hurt so much....You think I'm strong, Faith. I see it in your eyes, just like everyone else. 'Buffy's strong. She's the slayer. Surely she can handle a little break-up'. 'Buffy's strong. She can handle sending her boyfriend to hell, and deal with all our problems too.'. God, even Angel does it. Expects me to always know how to deal because of who I am. Buffy, who always comes through in the end." She shook her head. "And finally....I think I broke. I felt myself slipping, and all of a sudden I couldn't stop. SO I kept sliding, and sliding, and I needed someone to pull me out, but no one noticed, because by this point I'd gotten so sued to keeping the happy face that I no longer knew how to get rid of it."

Faith listened as she spoke, and suddenly got who Buffy Summers was. She wasn't the legend that she'd always thought of her as. She was the strongest Slayer in history, she knew, but apart from that....she was just a girl, whose life had strayed horribly from her expected flight path. And it wasn't like Faith's situation. Everyone had known Faith was off balance. That if you put too much pressure on her, she'd totter and fall.

Buffy was seen as a rock. Someone who would always pull through the hard times, and never lose her bit. But then, all the heartache she'd been keeping inside had built up, and there was no-one to pull her free, because everyone believed that she could take care of herself.

And Faith certainly hadn't helped.

"I'm so sorry, B..." She whispered aloud, unaware what she was even speaking until the words were out.

Buffy stopped mid-sentence, and for a moment, Faith was terrified that she was going to make good on her threat to beat her to death.

Instead, she smiled. "I know."

And suddenly, Buffy did know. She gave a small nod. "I can't completely forgive you yet Faith. But it's like...I will. Things aren't ok yet, but they will be. I just can't....I need to learn to trust you again."

Faith nodded. "I can deal with that."

Aware that visiting hours were drawing to a close, Buffy slowly stood. She walked to the door, looking back at Faith for a moment. "Look out for yourself." She said.

"You too." Faith replied.

They stared at one another for several moments before Buffy turned and left the room.

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