Disclaimer: Joss Owns Em.
Dist.: Sure. Send me the addy.
Author's Notes: This is the sequel/companion to But Not Today. Buffy talks to Giles.
Feedback: Please???

Giles shoved a hand through his curly ash brown hair, readjusting his glasses as he trudged down the stairs.

<*Don't even know why I bother getting up in the morning.> He thought grumpily. <*My brain never functions anyway.>

He stopped on the stairs as he saw an unmistakable blonde head laying it's cheek against the side of the couch.

"Buffy, what are you doing here???" He asked wearily. <*Shouldn't you be at Riley's???> He added mentally. He knew he shouldn't begrudge her her happiness. But sometimes it was hard. Especially seeing as it was plain to all , except for Riley, perhaps, that Buffy was not one bit happy.

She lifted her head, and Giles could see the unshed tears dwelling there, the hours of sleepless nights, the days of worry and regret. His heart broke seeing her in this condition.

"Who am I, Giles????" She whispered, her voice cracking. She sounded for all the world like a small child. "Who have I become????"

Giles regarded her sadly for a moment. "I'm really not sure, Buffy. I must admit you've changed...." He paused. "Who do you think you've become?"

She shrugged. The action looked more like a sob.

"I don't know." She whimpered. "But I don't like her very much."

"Oh, Buffy." Giles slid into the couch next to her, cradling her against his chest. "What brought this on?"

"I was just looking at some old pictures....It wasn't always bad, was it???" She asked softly, and Giles knew instinctively that she was talking about Angel, and her relationship with him. He took a moment to think about this. He remembered the light in a younger Buffy's eyes as she babbled on endlessly about the patrol she'd been on with Angel the night before. At the time, he'd been rather impatient with her, wanting the details of the hunt, but now....

He'd give anything to see that light in her eyes again.

"No. It wasn't." He replied after a moment.

"Then why is it wrong to feel this way???" Buffy asked, her voice cracking mid sentence.

"To love him???" Giles asked. She nodded miserably, and Giles felt his heart shatter to pieces.

He couldn't imagine how it would feel to be told that your love was wrong. Was bad. It'd be like hearing that your very soul was tainted, that your very essence was against everything that was considered good and right. He wondered if anyone had ever come out and told Buffy that this was how they thought of her love for Angel, or if she'd worked it out for herself.

If anyone had spoken to her, he'd rip them to shreds.

"Buffy, listen to me." He said, placing a finger under her chin and forcing her to face him. "I admit I've had some...reservations....about your relationship with Angel. But I could never blame you for loving him. Love is a natural thing, Buffy. You have a connection with him, and you can't create that, and can't sever it. It goes beyond the rational mind, back, deep inside you to a place where everything just *is*. You can't force it, and you can't rid yourself of it. And it's a beautiful thing. Never let yourself believe that your love for Angel is 'wrong'."

Buffy listened quietly as he spoke. "Can't sever it, huh???" She said finally. "Maybe Angel and I were never in love in the first place, because I've well and truly burnt that bridge."

He regarded her, a strange anger building in his chest. He couldn't understand how she could possibly think that. "If you really believe that, Buffy, then perhaps you are right. I don't know you anymore."

He stood and walked away from her, aware of her contemplative silence. He ran a hand through his hair and headed for the bathroom.

Buffy slipped her arms around her knees, pulling them to her chest.

If she closed her eyes, she could feel Angel's phantom embrace, his body surrounding her, his hands resting over hers.

<*Connection.....>

She squeezed her eyes shut, and remembered. Remembered feeling safe and cozy in his arm. Remembered his lips on her forehead, remembered his whispered words of nonsense as he comforted and reassured her. Remembered being loved.

Remembered being her.

She opened her eyes, letting it all drain away for her.

She knew she still loved him, knew he still loved her. But before she could do anything about that knowledge, she had a few more things to learn.

About being Buffy.

And when she learned to like herself again, then she'd apologize to Angel, and allow herself to be forgiven.

Allow herself to be free.

Go to the next story Glimpse of Yesterday

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