Summary: The first christmas without Buffy.
Joss owns them
"Daaaaaad-dyyyy"
I wake up as my 3 year old daughter and 4 year old son bounce on my stomach.
"Merry Christmas" Kieran looks at me with big brown eyes, and a grin which reaches his eyes.
"Mewwy Chwistmas" Melissa copies her elder brother, but she can't quite say her "r"'s. Her blonde curls are all tangled, and I automatically reach out with my fingers, trying to untangle her slightly. I look over at the doorway for Maighan. She's standing seriously, her honey coloured hair brushed, and hazel eyes are looking at me. At 7, she can remember past Christmasses, and she's lost in a memory of the time before.
Before Buffy died. This is the first Christmas without her, and to be honest, I'd rather crawl back under the covers and stay there. However I have three other people to think about.
"Maighan? Come here honey." My eldest daughter makes her way across to my bed. She sits down on the edge, and I can see now that she's been crying. I give her a hug, and then reach under my bed to pull out three stockings. The three of them are so different. Maighan is so serious and contemplates each of the stocking gifts carefully, looking at them, and then placing them back in the stocking. Kieran just races through, headstrong and stubborn like his mother, and Melissa kind of mixes the two. Willow had to help me choose little stocking fillers. Buffy usually takes care of that, it is, was, one of her favourite jobs.
"Hey guys, go and wake up Auntie Willow, Uncle Oz, Grampa, Grandma Joyce, Aunt Cordelia and Uncle Xander..."
Even Maighan has cheered up by now, and the three of them fly out the door to wake up everyone else. Finally I allow myself to think of my beautiful wife. I can't believe she's been snatched from me. After surviving all the hellmout threw at us, to be taken from me by cancer. She might not have suffered a lot, and I'm glad, but I find it hard to thank for small mercies, when the powers that be have stolen my shining light. Not only my life, but that of my children. We survived as vampire and slayer, then we even managed to become man and woman, because Willow did a spell which made me human for a night. During that night, Maighan was conceived, and because of the purity of our love, I was turned human, with super strength.
"I love you Buffy". I swear I can still smell her perfume in the bed we shared, and if I close my eyes, I can still see her clear as a day. I pull out the present I'd bought for her. It's only been 4 months since she died. It's an eternity ring, a tiny claddagh rests on it, but it's made to match her wedding ring. It's engraved on the back, Buffy and Angel O Connor. She was wearing the wedding ring when she was buried. This one was at the jewellers. I got the call the day after she died to come and pick it up. I look at it, and put it back in the box. Buffy knew she was getting that. I'm going to keep it, and give it to Maighan when she turns 18. I know the loss of her mother has affected her the worst, and I know she has Willow and Cordy who mother her, but Buffy and Maighan were always close.
Maighan's strong. Stronger than most 7 year olds, but we know she's not a Slayer. Thank god. It's because she's a mix of vampire and slayer, whereas the other two are just normal children. Maighan burns easy in the sun, despite her dark colouring, and she heals quickly.
I go downstairs, discovering I'm last.
"Hurry up Daddy" Kieran's impatient. He's almost foaming, desperate to get into his presents. Willow gives me a small smile, and I pick up Missy and put her on my lap. Maighan's sitting on Giles' knee. He misses Buffy as much as I do, and because Maighan's so quiet, he made such an effort to help her. I'm glad because she needs someone other than me who can read with her, and talk to her. She was close to Buffy, even near the end.
Halfway through the traditional opening of presents, Missy turns round with a card she's made herself. It's the moment I've been dreading.
"Mommy? Here's mommy's card."
Willow starts crying, and runs to the toilet. Cordy stands up, then sits down again. Oz, well, is just Oz. He's concerned about Willow, she's 5 months pregnant. Xander, looks like he's going to join Willow, but Cordy grasps his hand. Maighan buries her head in Giles' shoulder.
"Missy..." I'm cut off by my son.
"Missy, remember..." Kieran's little voice sounds deceptively cheerful. "Mommy's talking to the angels today. Remember Missy? She's watching us"
I know I never told Kieran that, but it sounds like something Willow would have told them. I'm glad, because I didn't have to explain. Missy starts crying, and sets off the other two as well. I pull Kieran to me, and Maighan is with Giles, so I'm holding them all. I pull out a small box.
"These are mommy's presents for you."
Buffy organised these when she realised she was dying.
Maighan opens hers, and a silver ring on a necklace falls out. "Dad" She asks, and I fasten it round her neck. As I do, I recognise the ring. It's the claddagh ring I gave Buffy on her 17th birthday. 10 years ago, in January.
Kieran's is a photo frame, with a family photo in it. He looks at Buffy's smiling face, and I can see the mask go on. He's inherited that from both of us. We were good at burying the hurt, and it looks as though, even at 4, he's picked up the same trait.
Missy's is a locket, with the same photo in it. It has all our names engraved on the back. Mom, Dad, Maighan, Kieran and Melissa.
Things cheer up later on as we have our meal, and I only catch Maighan looking at the chain round her neck once. She gives me a small smile, and I know, that this is the hardest one. From now on it'll be easier, because we know we can manage.
I miss Buffy. Sometimes, I struggle to get through the day without her, but I have a reason now. I have her legacy to look after. There's letters for all the kids from her. She's marked sets of envelopes, ones for each of them when they turn, 13, 18, 21, graduating high school, graduating college, and when they get married.
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