SPOILERS: Few small ones, Halloween, Bad Eggs, Whats my line part 1, Amends. Nothing plot revealing however, just little B/A moments.
SUMMARY: It's a special day, and Angel is remembering.
Joss owns them

Happy Birthday Buffy.

Today you would have been 27. Your birthday hasn't caused us this much pain in a long time. Your 18th birthday, well, it wasn't exactly your favourite birthday, what with the Crucamentium and all, but I guess it had to be better than the one before. The first time we made love was on your 17th birthday. That's a memory I treasure dearly. The consequences, I have tried to put behind me, since that was the vampire, and I can hardly call myself a vampire these days...since Maighan was born.

It hurts us so much, because not only is it your birthday today, its exactly 5 months since you died.

Melissa drew a picture for you. It's all of us together, and its beautiful. She hasn't really realised that Mommy's gone away altogether. She thinks its more along the lines of a quick visit to heaven, along the lines of a short holiday.

Buffy, I don't know how to raise our children. Your mom terrifies me, much as I love her. I'm so scared that she'll realise I'm the one who caused all that pain, all that hurt 10 years ago. I know she'll blame me for your death if she does, maybe without all the stress you wouldn't have got sick. I can't lose the kids, they're my only living reminder of you.

We're having a meal together today. All of us. At your mom's house. I haven't really been there since you died. Not right inside. I don't want to go Buffy, but I don't have a choice, since Maighan, Kieran and Missy should be there, and everyone else is making the effort to be there. Willow, Oz, Xander, Cordy, even Spike's gonna be there.

There's a lotta good memories in that house you know. Remember that time your mom grounded you, said you weren't allowed out of the bedroom, and we kissed through your window. Or that time after Halloween, when you had just dressed up as that 18th century girl. I was telling the truth then. I never did like those girls. Or even, the time we were going skating during career week. And who can forget that Christmas, the first one after I got out of hell, where we were "just friends". That dream, although not real, was vivid enough...

I guess, in some ways, its a little easier now, because I can remember the good times. The memories are bittersweet though, because you're not here. Sometimes, I'll be lying in our bed, and I'll remember something like that, and I'll turn round to tell you, and you aren't there. It was horrible the first time that happened.

That bed, wow. Some good times we had there, hey? I like to think its where we conceived Kieran and Melissa, but who knows? Could've been the bathroom, or the couch, or the back garden...

I love talking to you like this. Sometimes, when I'm real tired, its like, I feel you in the room with me. I like that feeling, but it scares me, because if your spirit is in the room with me, does that mean you aren't happy? That you aren't at rest?

Oh, Buffy, I have too many thoughts, and no-one to share them with.

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