SUMMARY: Angel's giving up.

I was reading one of her letters when I saw her. She was just as beautiful as she was before the cancer.

"Angel" As the familiar voice hits my ears, my eyes fill up with tears. Why her? Why did they take her away from me? She was so good, and kind. She was my light. It's a struggle to manage without her, a struggle I don't think I have the energy for anymore.

"Angel, honey, don't cry" I reach out, and she hugs me. Her embrace is the final straw, and the barriers break. The tears are pouring from my eyes.

"Buffy? It's really you? This can't be real"

"It is...kinda. At least, you'll remember me."

"I could never forget."

"Angel. Don't give up. They need you."

"I need you. That never mattered"

"You have me. Here." She places an ethereal hand over my heart. "You'll always have me her. I had forgotten how her voice, and her logic could settle me, calm me down.

"Who needs me?" I realise what she's told me.

"Maighan, Melissa, Kieran. They're all grown up, I know, but that doesn't mean they don't need you. You're their father. How could they not need you?" She looks at me with those beautiful hazel eyes, and I can see the love shining in them. My stomach churns at the thought of what I've lost. What has been stolen from me.

"Your time is coming, you were right about that, but you have to go down fighting. Don't let death take you peacefully. Fight it. Remember Angel? Remember? 'Strong is fighting. It's hard and painful, and everyday, and its what we have to do." You fought then..."

"I had you then" My voice is raw, and wobbling.

"you have me now" the words are strangely calm, but the voice is full of emotion. She's holding tears back too.

"I have to go Angel. I can't stay any longer. Remember me"

"I will remember you. I'll never forget"

"Never forget, but move forward. Look forward."

Then she's gone. Like she was never there. Except, I can still feel her small arms round my neck. It's strange, a man, who was responsible for wreaking havoc for a hundred years, could be broken by the death of his lover. I look at the letter I was reading. I know it word for word of by heart. It's the letter she wrote me first. The one I got when she died.

"My Angel.

You always were, you know. My Angel, I mean. From when I first met you. I know, since you're reading this, that I'm dead. I had hoped you'll never read this but that's a mute point since obviously if anyone's reading it I'm dead. Ok, I'm babbling, I know. But this is hard for me to accept. I'm dying. You refuse to accept it, you search for a cure. You have to accept it. I love you, and I love my children, but its time to go. I'll go kicking and screaming, and I'll be watching you always. I want you to find someone. Even if you can't at first, you have to move on. My children need a mother, as well as a father. I know you can do both, but you need someone to share it with..."

She was so sure I'd be able to find someone. That I'd even want to find someone. I didn't want to. Didn't even try. I know, that I can never love another woman half as much as I love Buffy.

"Never think I'd blame you if you moved on. I want you to. Even if the thought of you with another woman, is, painful to say the least, I want you to give it a chance.

I love you, Angel O'Connor, and I've never regretted loving you. NEVER. And, l was right, wasn't I? about us. How loving you would never kill me. Funny though, that it isn't something slaying related, but cancer."

I'm glad she thinks that. That it isn't slaying related. It is, and in the most horrible way. Because she was a slayer, the physical symptoms of the early stages of cancer went unnoticed. Until it was too late, and there was nothing we could do to save her. The doctor, one of Giles's actual friends in the Council, told me after she died. I make Melissa go for medicals every month, without doubt, just in case.

"I love you, forever. And always. I'll never forget you."

Buffy Anne O'Connor.

I used to be thrilled everytime I saw her name signed like that. Even after 7 years of marriage I was amazed that she was my wife.

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