Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Joss
Summary: This takes place after the season 5 finale of Buffy and season 2 finale of Angel. I cannot wait 4 long months to know what happened so I decided to write one myself.
* Refers to thoughts of either Angel or Buffy
I live for feed-back so please send any to twinstar_dust@hotmail.com
Enjoy!

The noise is deafening. It is all around him, he cannot escape. Looking down upon the city while leaning over the edge of the building Angel cannot help but compare the people he saw as ants, drones to a never-ending purpose. All working as a whole but lost when it came to any sort of individuality.

*Look at these people going through their lives as if nothing happened. Never realizing that they might never have experienced another sunrise if it wasn’t for her… She sacrificed her very life for them and they never knew it. She was never thanked for her sacrifice and never will be. Everyday life will go on without her and no one will care. Only a handful of friends and loved ones will morn the death of the world’s saviour. *

THUMP…CRASH

Angel looks down at his hand and never realized that while thinking he unknowingly hit his fist against the side of the building in anger. He looked at his bruised and bloody fist and didn’t feel a thing. He hasn’t been able to feel anything since the day he found Willow waiting for him at the hotel.

***

He was on cloud nine after he and Wesley, Gunn and Cordelia came back from another dimension. After facing the demon inside himself and being able to control that dark side of himself, he began thinking that he can finally let go of the fear that he kept to himself all these years. Even if he was cursed with a soul he never was able to face that side of himself that made him not human. But he actually saw the reflection of his human self and that dark being he kept in the shadows and he was able to keep the two apart. He was able to convince himself that indeed he had worth, that he was part of humanity and not what he feared…He ‘s not an animal.

He opened the doors of the hotel with new vigour that he hasn’t felt in weeks. He was about to proclaim his victory and claim the new realization towards his redemption when he saw Willow’s face. Her face was swollen from the tears she had cried and her eyes were glistening with tears that she hasn’t shed yet. But he knew…he knew from the depths of his being that the world will never be the same again.

“Buffy it’s Buffy…”

Later.

Angel was blankly looking at the wall while Willow chokingly retells the story. Cordelia putting her arms around her ex-classmate as a sign of comfort and support. He hears everything as if he is in a dream. Willow’s words are echoing in his head.

* Please if there is a God. Let me wake up. Let this all be a bad dream. Please this cannot be happening. She is supposed to be safe. She has a higher purpose. I sacrificed my happiness…and hers… for our destiny. How can she be gone? *

“Buffy saved us…she saved the world. Glory is an actually God. An evil god vanished from her dimension. She was searching for the Key, which was to open the portal between our world and hers. We were fighting her because the opening of the portal would have caused the destruction of our world. We found out that the Key was actually Dawn, Buffy’s sister. We tried everything…even Spike helped out.”

Willow slowly starts to cry openly again.

“Willow, it’s alright just take it slow” Wesley says trying to comfort her.

“Glory didn’t stop until she found the Key and Buffy was not going to lose her sister. She fought with all her strength, she honed in all the training she had done. You should have seen her she was terrific. Yes she showed weakness but at the end she overcame them to save the sister who wasn’t really her sister after all. It didn’t matter to her…or to us Dawn was a part of our lives and we were going to defend her. We were winning…by working together we all gave 110%. My wicca powers are stronger than they ever were and Xander, Anya, Spike were just as incredible. We were working as a team. But it was not enough…”

“I guess just the fact we are here today…that you guys won…right?” Cordelia questioned.

“Well yes but we paid a really high price. Our goal was to get Dawn back before Glory started the ritual to get the portals open. We almost made it but some of Dawn’s blood was shed and it started… The division between the dimensions were collapsing…the only way to close it was with blood…Dawn’s blood. I think Buffy realized what her visions were about, what the first slayer told her. Dawn was made from her so both of their blood was one and the same…”Willow sobbing again had to stop and drink a glass of water. Her hand trembling as she reached for the glass that Gunn placed on the coffee table for her.

Blankly staring at the wall Angel’s eyes hold all the emotions that he is repressing. He has not moved since Willow started her tale about why she was there. If anyone looked into his eyes they would have wept from all the emotions his eyes held.

“Buffy…she jumped…right into the vortex. The pain that she suffered must have been horrendous. I just hope that it didn’t take long…She did it for Dawn…and all of her loved ones. She sacrificed herself for the world. I can’t believe she is the same person that doubted her calling of being the slayer. At the end she became the person we all knew she was…a hero.”

Willow’s voice slowly ends in a whisper. The room is in total silence. Angel could hear every ones’ heartbeats and slow intake of breath. It was deafening to his ears. He felt as if the walls were closing around him and that the floor was giving way. He has to escape …he had to run.

“ANGEL! Wait…”

Angel ran and he kept on running. If he had breath in his body his lungs would have been burning before he stopped. He looked around and he realized that he ran across town. He was on top of a hill overlooking Los Angeles.

He looks down at his hand where he wore a ring. He has never taken it off. He gave Buffy an identical one for her 17th birthday. It seemed so long ago but at the same time it felt just like yesterday. It was during a time before everything happened…Before he became Angelus (his former un-souled self); before he was sent to hell by Buffy, to save the world (as usual); before they found out they could never be together; before the sacrifices they both made; before the day that was taken back where Angel was human again and Buffy was finally by his side. He sacrificed their happiness because the Powers That Be foretold that by staying human the strength of the warriors of destiny were cut in half. He needed his vampire powers to help Buffy fight evil in the world. But at the end Buffy was still dead…was it all a cruel joke? They can never win? They scarified living normal lives and for what? Buffy was still gone…

* Buffy cannot be dead. She is the sunlight in my life. She is the purpose of my redemption. I have worked so hard in regaining my humanity so that I could be with her. We both fight the evils of this world without any recognition except from a handful of friends and family. Normalcy is a word that never passes through our lips but we go on and survive. This cannot be happening my soul feels empty and I’m lost. She is gone and I feel darkness covering me. *

Angel looks up towards the sky and he can smell the day coming. It will be sunlight soon and he didn’t care. He raises his arms towards the sky and yells.

“BUFFY!”

He closes his eyes and waits…He waits for the end and hopefully they can finally be together even in death.

“Angel…no you can not let it end this way. You are a hero and hero’s don’t die like this…”

Angel opens his eyes and turns around. He heard a voice…Buffy’s voice. Nothing is there except a sudden warm breath that caresses his face. He inhales and shock registers on his face. That scent…it belongs to her…it smells like warm vanilla.

“Buffy?”

The breeze stirs up again.

“Beloved you can not end your life like this…not even for me. You are a honourable warrior. You will tarnish my memory and the love we have for each other if you so this. Live…please…live for me…and one day we will be together at last.”

“How can I live without you in my life? I feel so empty and I no longer have a purpose.”

“Your purpose is still the same. The things you do are not for me…they are for you. You need to feel human again and by doing good deeds you get closer to your goal. Your wish …will be granted one day. I hoped I would have been here to see it…But now I’ll just be happy to know that it will happen.”

“Buffy please I want to be with you”

“You will be someday…but just not right now. Be strong…Live…”

The breeze suddenly stops as it suddenly came.

“Buffy?Buffy?”

The smell of vanilla clings to Angel’s clothes and in a way he knows that Buffy will always be by his side.

Angel looks towards the sky again and says to the wind, “Sorry not today…I still have battles to face…”

He turns around and walks towards home but in the back of his mind he wonders if things will get easier or will there be a burden on his soul forever. He has lost a part of his soul and he still feels as if it’s the end of his world…

Go to the next story Until We Meet Again

Send feedback to Twinstar

Back to the Fanfiction Archive