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Buffy Summers-Roarke stared at the old home video in her hands, stared at the funny label on the front as memories of when they had taped this ran through her head. It had been before they were married, maybe a few days after they got engaged. They were feeling silly. They were feeling needy. They were feeling so many things then. A tear escaped from underneath her closed lid and ran softly down her round cheek. Where had everything gone wrong? When had they stopped loving each other so fully? Never, her heart wanted to say, but her mind disagreed, remembering everything that had happened in the last few days. Angel had left her three days ago. He’d packed up most of his clothes in one of the luggage suitcases they had bought together when they had gone to Italy for a vacation. He’d taken anything that would fit as Buffy had sat in the bathroom, crying. The argument had been brutal. They had never yelled as much as they did that night. It had been horrible and heartbreaking, the things they said to each other. Buffy felt her heart clench as she replayed what had happened, knowing she didn’t mean what she’d said. How could she? She loved him with all her heart. Everything in her. He was her life. Her heart. Her soul. Swallowing roughly, Buffy stood from where she had been sitting on the floor, going through the boxes that had been kept in storage. There were so many memories in her home and everything that surrounded her. Very little of it was anything that was solely her’s or Angel’s. It had all been bought when they were together. They had lived in the old-style mansion for five and a half years. They had met here, left here, and come back. Too much had happened and too much had gone by. They had let it slip away. Pushing the video cassette into the VCR player, Buffy turned on the TV that sat in the large entertainment center and walked back to the plush, black couch and pressed play with the controller. Settling back, Buffy prepared herself for a night of crying, remembrance, hoping and wishing. Almost immediately Buffy’s happy grin flickered onto the screen and her laughter could be heard as a male voice chuckled and the camera shook slightly. Biting the inside of her lip, Buffy’s sullen face made her appear paler than usual. She was wearing one of Angel’s large black t-shirts and a pair of her own boxers. Her shoulder-length hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail and didn’t hold it’s usual shine. On the television, Buffy was wearing a small black bikini and a towel around her waist. They were on the beach and the sand looked hot and the water cool, a sanctuary from the heat. Few people were around them and the sun appeared to be setting. A small diamond sparkled on Buffy’s left hand and a choked sob escaped Buffy’s throat as her eyes ticked to her left hand now. The ring looked dormant and dull without her Angel there to tell her he loved her and that he didn’t mean anything that he’d said. How could things have changed so drastically? "Come here, Angel," Buffy’s small voice echoed on the video and she saw Angel setting the video camera on the stand that came with it and positioned it so that it was focused on them. Then he came into view. His tan body moved gracefully in the dark green trunks he wore. His hair was flatter than usual and she could tell that he had been swimming in the ocean’s salt water. More tears swam her vision and Buffy rubbed her eyes, concentrating on not crying while staring at the video she was watching. She ignored the sounds coming from the speakers, knowing what they were because she had been there. Instead, she watched as Angel whispered in her ear and Buffy’s tinkling laughter burst out. She remembered what he had whispered. He’d told her that he wanted to go home and make love. Be with her in more ways than possible. Just be with her. And now, he just wanted her out of his life. Angel wanted a divorce. He wanted to leave her. He said...oh, god, it was too hard to think about. Instead of thinking of everything he’d said to her, Buffy burst into tears, finally allowing the tears to come through. How could he do this to her when only a month ago they had been so in love and happy? Buffy sat in the living room of the large mansion, crying and watching the past play out before her eyes, for what seemed like forever, when it was only ten minutes. The happy couple on the video sat on the beach, swam and finally stayed to watch the sunset before leaving and heading home. When was the last time that they sat in each other’s arms and watched the sunset? It’d been years. Maybe that was the last time? Buffy couldn’t remember. Before the video could continue, she pushed the power button and stared at the blue screen as it turned off. She knew what was coming next and she also knew that she wouldn’t be able to handle the emotional onslaught it would bring. She couldn’t handle very many things at that moment. Looking next to her, her mind automatically went to the past, remembering when they had laid on the couch and held each other, made love. So much had transpired there...here...everywhere. Standing, Buffy clicked off the television and turned off the overhead lights and walked to the staircase towards the bedroom they had shared. Her face felt dry and tired, as did her worn heart.
I will remember you Buffy paused as she was about to walk by Angel’s office. It was messy and yet clean at the same time. Papers were scattered and files were everywhere. She saw books splayed here and there, but she also saw the neatness of his shelves where pictures were standing of them and their friends. The dog they had owned before she had died. Stepping in cautiously, as if afraid that someone, or something, would jump at her and attack her for just being in there, she clicked on the light and stared.
I will remember you Sniffling, Buffy looked around wearily and walked in further, making a beeline for his desk. She had never bothered even entering this room before he had left, thinking that this was his work space and who wants their work disturbed? Sitting down in his plush office chair, Buffy snuggled up in it and breathed in deeply, smelling a faint trace of his cologne and his cool soap smell. She smelled Angel. This was his space. He was everywhere. And it was as close as she would get to him for a long time. It felt right. Leaning forward, Buffy opened the top drawer on the left, looking in at the old receipts and copies of important documents, ruffled around so carelessly. Allowing herself a small smile, Buffy continued on. Moving to the bottom drawer, she moved a large jar of coins aside and saw a box in the very back. With her back to the door, Buffy creased her brow in confusion and curiosity and reached for it. It was heavy and clasped shut with a little metal clip. Setting it on the hard, wooden desk top, Buffy clicked it open.
But I will remember you Angel Roarke opened the main door to his home quietly, peeking his head in to look around. The area before him was dark and empty, lonely. Entering, he shut the door and moved forward, looking around him for his wife. It had been three long days since he had stepped foot in his home and saw his beautiful wife. Three long days of sitting at Xander’s house in their spare bedroom, staring at the ceiling and wondering what had possessed them to yell and curse at each other as they had. He remembered saying things he never would have dreamed coming out of his mouth, much less directed towards her. Things he couldn’t bear to think about now. It had taken all of his courage, and then some convincing from Xander, to finally come back to the place he had called home for so long. He knew it was amazing that he had even opened the door. He had stood outside for at least a half hour, waiting for his body to actually step forward. At least she hadn’t changed the locks. That’s stupid, he thought. Listening carefully as he went on, he reached the staircase and saw a dim light coming from the end of the hall. Wondering what Buffy was doing, he continued up the stairs and stopped when he heard her wonderful laughter fill his ears and he felt joy and dread fill him at the same time. It was wonderful to hear the sound again but things filled his head that he knew shouldn’t be there. But they were. Is she cheating on me? Is she with someone else? Why is she so happy when I’m so miserable? It’s not fair. Then he heard a choked sob and hitched breathing. Swallowing roughly and feeling the worst guilt he ever had for ever hurting her, Angel looked down and felt tears fill his own eyes. He was such an asshole. More of the same sounds filled the halls, and a whispered, "Oh, Angel." Stepping forward at his name, Angel continued to the hall and down to their bedroom, assuming that was where she was. But instead he found her in his office, her back to the door, her form hunched over a small box on the desk. His box. Full of memories. A sad laugh filled the air and he continued to watch her from his vantage point from the door. A tear fled from his eyes and he felt his throat tightening. Then he stepped towards her quietly, not willing to disturb her. He saw pictures of the two of them scattered all over the desk, pictures she had sworn to kill him for if he kept them. So, of course he had. There were old papers laying on top of them, old love letters. Her eyes were attached to one that he had written to her. Another sob escaped her throat. "Oh, god, Angel, what did I do wrong?" she asked herself, hugging the letter to her chest. Closing her eyes, she willed the empty space around her to answer. "Why did you leave me?" Pausing, Angel considered answering her question. Because I love you. Because I was causing you too much pain. But I can’t live without you, my love. Please forgive me and take me back. "Oh, Buffy," slipped from his lips instead. Buffy jumped and turned around, dropping the letter to the floor as a shriek passed her lips. He looked startled at his slip and then looked down at the ground, as if waiting for her to throw him out. "Angel?" Her voice was thin and tired and filled with pain as she stared at him. "What...are you doing here?" Her voice wasn’t hard, but it wasn’t the same soft one he was used to hearing. "I’m sorry...Buffy, I...you can’t possibly know how sorry I am. What I said...I-" Buffy jumped into his arms before he could finish and her lips were pressed against his. It was a desperate kiss and filled with longing and pain. Pulling back, Buffy panted, "Angel, I’m...I can’t believe...I’m so sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean any of it. I mean it. I don’t want a divorce, I don’t want you to leave me...I don’t think I would survive-" "Ssh, Buffy, there’s nothing to forgive. You had every right. I’m sorry. Everything I said to you...god, nothing could make that right. I don’t want a divorce, either." His voice cracked and tears formed in his dark eyes. "I don’t...know what I would do without you. You hair." His hands ran through her tresses, pulling it free from its confine. "Your beautiful face." Tracing her forehead and nose, a look of pure misery overtook his features. "Y-your lips, your nose, your...god, Buffy, I’m so sorry." Dropping to his knees, Angel pushed his face into her stomach and finally allowed himself to cry. No tears had passed down his face the last three days and now there were so many. Everything he had said came back to him and it was all he could to not break from everything he had put himself through. Buffy hugged his head to her body and cradled him in her arms. "It’s okay, Angel... Ssh, love... There’s nothing to worry about, sweetie." Buffy’s sweet voice filled the room with love and hope as she fell to her knees and hugged him more fully.
And I will remember you "I’m so sorry, baby," Angel repeated, his tears having finally stopped. His head was resting on her shoulder and her fingers were playing with his hair gently. Her face was wet as well and streaks of silver could be seen in the glint of the light on both their faces. "There’s nothing to be sorry about, Angel. I know you didn’t mean any of it." Pulling back, Angel looked into her eyes. They were filled with love and gentle cares. But he could see the pain he had inflicted on her and he knew it would take a long time for that to heal. He knew he had it as well. "I love you so much, Buffy. Never forget that. Whatever happens with us...I’ll always love you." "Me, too," Buffy whimpered. "I love you," she managed before she pushed herself into his arms and pressed her lips to his in a passionate kiss. Angel responded, relishing the feeling of having her in his arms again. He knew nothing would ever make him feel as whole as he did in her arms again. Buffy tugged him closer, leaning back, causing them to fall to the floor gently, Angel’s body resting on hers. Buffy’s hands ran down his sides, slipping her fingers underneath to pull his shirt over his head. Angel pulled away. "No," he rasped, looking down at his wife. A look of hurt and confusion passed over her face. "Are you...rejecting me?" Buffy asked in a small voice. Angel’s mouth hung open for a minute, as if surprised that she would ask such a thing. "What? God, no, Buffy. You have no idea how much I would love to make love to you right here, but what I mean was... not here. I want to make love to you in a real bed. You don’t deserve the floor." "Angel, as long as I’m with you, anywhere’s perfect," she whispered, her heart filling with love at his words. She kissed him again, softly and didn’t object when he sat up, holding her in his arms. Buffy unwrapped herself from him and stood, grabbing his hand and pulling him to their room. She was stopped abruptly in the doorway as Angel tugged on her hand. His lips attacked hers roughly, his tongue pushing past her lips. Buffy moaned into his mouth as he pushed her into the doorframe. Angel lifted her at the waist and Buffy wrapped her legs around his hips. Feeling incredibly light and free, Buffy felt the soft mattress of the bed on her back as Angel laid her against it, resting on top of her. "Oh, god, Angel, I need you," Buffy rasped against his lips, her fingers scraping his scalp lightly. Angel pulled back from her as Buffy slipped off her boxers. Angel helped her, throwing them to the side as she scooted up the bed to the headboard. Angel unbuttoned his jeans, sliding his pants and boxers down his legs and stepping out of them. Throwing off his jacket, he pulled his shirt over his head before climbing towards Buffy. She smiled lovingly and spread her legs. Angel settled between her, resting between her hips naturally. Buffy moaned as she thrust against his hard member. Angel sighed as he slid into her gently, peppering butterfly kisses against her neck as he filled her with shallow thrusts. Buffy keened and moved against him, wrapping her legs around his waist lightly. "Angel," she whispered. "Oh, yes." "God, Buffy, what would I do without you?" he whispered back against her lips, kissing her gently as his speed gradually increased. Buffy arched against him. "I don’t want to know who I’d be if I lost you." "You’ll never have to know," Buffy replied happily before licking his lips and kissing him forcefully. Angel responded in kind and smiled against her lips as her movements changed and her eyes closed tightly, concentrating. Angel moaned at the sensation it caused and increased his speed. "Angel, yes, Angel...harder...please..." she whimpered, gripping his shoulders. Angel complied, grunting with the exertion, matching Buffy’s moans. Angel slipped his hand between them and found her clit, fondling it gently, throwing Buffy over the edge. Her orgasmic cry filled the room and his name passed her lips so many times he lost count. With her rippling walls around him, he soon followed and released a short cry. "God, baby," he murmured against her skin. "I love you so much." When his thrusts stopped, he collapsed onto his wife, pinning her to the bed. Their heavy breathing echoed in the room and finally ceased as Buffy allowed her exhaustion to seduce her into sleep. Angel lifted himself gently from her and stared down at her beautiful face. "I’m so sorry, Buffy," he said softly, kissing her forehead. "I love you." Pulling free from her, Angel slid his boxers back on and lifted the shirt Buffy still wore over her head. His shirt. Rolling her around carefully to free her, Angel threw it to the side and pulled the comforter to cover them. Angel was about to curl around Buffy’s small frame when she rolled over onto his chest, her head laying on his shoulder and her arm and leg thrown over him. "I love you," she said incoherently. Angel grinned. "I love you, too, baby." Buffy’s small smile didn’t escape him as he kissed the crown of her head and fell asleep, finally content.
Buffy’s eyes opened slowly, then quickly snapped shut. The sun was shining brightly against the white wall and reflecting in her eyes. Buffy moved to roll over from where she rested on her stomach, but found herself trapped. Angel’s head was resting on her back, soft snores escaping his throat. Buffy smiled and settled back down, content to never move again. Memories of last night arose and she sighed happily. "Morning, sweetheart," Angel said, kissing her spine softly, leaving a trail of wet kisses up her back. "Good morning," Buffy replied happily. "Mmm, this is nice...I miss waking up with you." "I know the feeling," Angel said with a tinge of guilt coloring his tone. Buffy excused it. She knew there was nothing she could do to make him feel any different. That was just the way her husband was, and always would be. Buffy’s eyes looked around. "I haven’t been sleeping here for the last three days," she said suddenly. Angel rested his head on her back once more. "Why not?" "I just couldn’t. I fell asleep in the chair over there. It was easier when I could just look at it and not lay in it." Buffy sighed and closed her eyes, relishing the feeling of his embrace. "Sounds better than Xander’s spare bed. Do you know how uncomfortable that thing is?" he asked in a joking tone and Buffy giggled, knowing he was trying to lighten the mood. "I missed you," he whispered and Buffy closed her eyes. She needed to tell him, and now was the time. "Angel, there’s something I need to tell you," she said quietly and she felt Angel stiffen behind her at her tone. "What?" he whispered. Tense silence filled the air as Angel waited for her answer. "I’m pregnant." Angel swallowed roughly. Then an inexpressible joy filled him and he jumped up, turning Buffy around to face him. She grinned at the look on his face. Angel shouted in happiness. "Oh, my god! You’re pregnant!" Buffy laughed and hugged him. He hugged her back tightly and kissed her. Laughter erupted from him and it was all he could do not to jump up and dance around. His wife was pregnant. He was going to be a father. "I love you," Angel said happily. Buffy smiled back at him. "I love you, too." "Have you been to the doctor’s?" Angel asked, placing his hand over her stomach. "How long have you known? Oh, man, I have so many questions. I just can’t believe it. You’re pregnant!" Buffy laughed and hugged him to her again. "I found out last week. I was waiting for our anniversary, ‘cause you know, it’s in a couple of weeks. But I couldn’t hold it in." Angel grinned and kissed her. "I have an appointment with the doctor next week," Buffy continued, "and now you get to join me." "Oh, god, Buffy I love you so god damn much," Angel said against her lips and pushed her back, resting his upper body on her, avoiding putting pressure on her stomach. She felt a warm feeling swirl in her stomach. "I love you more," Buffy teased and Angel smiled, kissing her nose lightly. "I really, really doubt that." "Trust me, I do." "No, I do." Buffy giggled. The End. l be kind, rewind l back to top l
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