|
F E A T U R E D F I C O F T H E M O M E N T
INDEX
BRE'S ARCHIVE
AUTHOR'S ARCHIVE
INTERACTIVE
AUTHOR
SITE
 O N L Y T I M E S E R I E S B Y B R E P A R T F I V E Willow had never seen her friend so... disconnected. The redhead watched as her best friend stirred her coffee, staring at the contents blankly. It seemed as if she looked away, she would disappear from that spot. “Buffy,” Willow began gently. “Do you want to talk about it?” “What’s there to talk about, Will?” Buffy asked dryly, finally lifting her half-cold coffee to her lips. “The guy who ruined my life walks back into it and just bolts. Not even an ‘I’m sorry I fucked up your life, Buffy’.” Willow winced at her friend’s coarse language. She didn’t really have a response for her friend. She could remember so vividly the events that had turned Buffy’s life upside down. She could see it now the first time she pushed Buffy to go talk to the handsome stranger, having no idea that he would be the one to change her life so completely. And then being so against their relationship she was willing to jump off a cliff. She knew that most of the blame fell on her. She had been a little more than eager to push Buffy into that relationship. He hadn’t looked as old as he was and Willow thought that she would give the ‘I’m-your- best-friend-so-it’s-my-job-to-find-you-a-boyfriend’ thing a try, but she had failed miserably the first time. The redhead still remembered hearing about the first time Buffy slept with Angel. Anger, disbelief, embarrassment... even a little joy. But along with that joy came the guilt. What had she done? Buffy had been against even talking to the stranger and Willow had pushed her. Plus there was the fact that Angel was fourteen years older than the blonde. Willow hated reliving the entire situation and knew she would hate this conversation, but she felt she had no choice. Buffy was in a much worse place than Willow was. “Well, what happened... exactly?” Willow asked uneasily. Buffy sighed. She didn’t really want to talk about it. She didn’t even want to think about. She barely had, as a matter of fact, for the last two days, instead throwing herself completely into her work. The only time she dwelt for more than four minutes on it was before she had gotten the call from Michael to come back to the office. Now, all she did was work. She got the praise, but it really meant nothing because the reasoning behind her newfound energy was false. “He was there... the boss, I guess, or whatever. Head psychiatrist.” Shifting in her seat, Buffy kept her eyes locked on her cup of coffee. “I was talking to Wesley about this... intense dream I had had. I was there to get some more of that medicine I had been taking, to help me sleep. For some reason, all of those... dreams I had when Angel left just came rushing back. You know... I would relive the day and Angel would be there...” Willow stared at her friend sympathetically as a tear coursed down her pale cheek. Buffy reached up to wipe it away before continuing. “But this one... God, it felt so real...” Sighing heavily, Buffy finally looked up to her friend. “But I don’t want them anymore. I don’t want to remember the guy who left me and killed our baby.” Willow almost said that Buffy needed to move on. She was clearly still hung over on Angel, even after all these years. But hadn’t that been what she was trying to do? Something inside of her wouldn’t let her move on and it was slowly killing her best friend and Willow felt scared. If a doctor couldn’t help her, then what would she do? She could hardly go on a date without automatically dreaming of Angel, let alone move on. “Well, I was leaving when Wes’ secretary suddenly said something about his boss needing him.” Buffy paused, her eyes ticking towards the wall behind Willow’s head as realization dawned on her. “Wesley knew what she was going to say. He stopped her before his secretary could say his boss’ name.” “Oh, Buffy...” “Although I’m sure he’s known for a long time. God, I can only imagine what Angel knows about me.” Closing her eyes, Buffy sighed again before looking back down to her coffee. “Anyway, I was leaving and Wesley said he would get me the medicine when... Angel’s voice came on. He sounded so... annoyed and mad and...” Buffy couldn’t help the sob that escaped her lips as she continued. “Just like he sounded the night he told me to get an abortion,” she whispered sadly. Willow reached forward, grasping Buffy’s hand tightly, but saying nothing. “It felt like everything was moving in slow motion and all I could think was, ‘Angel’s here. He’s here. He’s here’.” Shifting in her chair once more, Buffy continued, “And then I guess I fainted because the next thing I smelled were those salt things that you wave in front of your nose.” Closing her eyes again, Buffy breathed, “And then he said my name.” Willow squeezed her hand gently, her eyes sad and a sorrow-filled frown etched on her face. “It felt like... like my heart just cracked, right there.” Breathing in quickly, Buffy fought the sob that once more fought to tear from her lips. “He just stared at me before turning away. He turned away from me. He ran. Again.” Another tear slipped from Buffy’s eye, but this time she ignored it. “Wesley escorted me from the building and got me a cab home. He didn’t say anything,” she said, suddenly angry and bitter. “Nothing. He didn’t explain or try to make excuses. He just smiled at me before going back in.” Wiping the tear away, Buffy sat up straighter and released Willow’s hand. Willow slowly retracted her arm, her eyes never leaving her friend’s pained features. “And that’s what happened. I haven’t heard from Wesley at all and I’ve been working for two days straight, trying to keep my damned mind off of Angel.” A moment of silence passed between them before Willow tried to speak again. “Buffy, you have no idea how sorry I am. This is my fau-“ “No,” Buffy said sharply, her eyes soft as she met Willow’s gaze. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. If I hadn’t been so fucking stupid. If I hadn’t gotten involved with him, a thirty-year-old, none of this would have happened.” “But I was the one to push you-“ “But I was the one to actually go through with it, Willow. How many times are we going to argue about this before you stop blaming yourself?” “I might ask you the same question,” Willow responded quietly and Buffy stared at her for a moment before looking away. Willow stared at the crown of her friend’s head before turning back to her own drink, neither speaking another word.
Wesley cursed. Cursed loudly. His actions were rushed as he quickly went through his filing cabinets once more. It wasn’t here. He knew he should have at least removed it before leaving for the day. He should have known that he would take it. Damn him. No matter if he was the new lead of their department, he had no right to go through his patients’ files. They were confidential and he knew that. He knew that, yet he took it. Which honestly didn’t surprise him. But it angered him to degrees he couldn’t remember ever experiencing. He had known Buffy Summers for so long that he looked at her as a close friend, not as an actual patient. But he treated their sessions as such because it was appropriate and what she had requested. She had trusted him with everything. But this time, he had failed her. How could he have been so damned stupid? Searching through the piles upon piles of papers, he still couldn’t find anything on the young blonde. Cursing once more, Wesley left his office, slamming his door behind him as he turned towards Mr. Roarke’s office.
Angel had yet to actually open the bulky folder. It had been staring up at him from his coffee table for the last fifteen hours since he had went to Wesley’s office and grabbed it. But he couldn’t bring himself to even touch it anymore. He knew that everything from her past was in that folder. Including himself. Angel scowled. How could he have not known? He couldn’t believe that he was that sloppy as to actually pass her name on all of the paperwork that found its way to his desk. But he had and Wesley had been damn sneaky about keeping it from him. And he knew the reason. He was even a little glad that he had kept it from him. Angel would have been content to never know that Buffy Summers was a client at his offices. At least then he would be able to move on with the pathetic excuse of a life he lead. Christina was gone for the afternoon, a girl’s day out with her best friend, Cordelia. He still didn’t understand why exactly they were friends in the first place. Christina was seven years older than Cordelia, thus making Angel fourteen years older than the young woman. Cordelia was rich, thanks to her husband, and snobby while the Christina he knew was the exact opposite. She didn’t necessarily care about money, or didn’t seem to as Angel remembered finding some rather large bills on his credit card. But he had ignored them because it was easier that way. There was really no need to make a big deal out of something that wasn’t. Right? Shaking himself of his thoughts, Angel leaned back against the overstuffed couch, his arms crossed over his chest almost protectively as he once more contemplated the idea of reading everything on Buffy. It was wrong on so many levels and Angel still couldn’t believe that he had gone in and stolen it. That was exactly what he had done. He had stolen the damn file. A fear he had never known rested in his heart. What would happen when he read it? What had she said about their relationship all those years ago? About him? He was surprised that Wesley had known all of this about him and still accepted him as the new leader of their department. He knew that Wesley should have said something, either to him or to Buffy, but he hadn’t. That was against some rules somewhere, he knew. He wondered at that. Why had Wesley not done anything? Were he and Buffy such friends that he wanted to protect her? Were they more than that? Lovers? Angel couldn’t believe what he was thinking. Lovers? Wesley wouldn’t to that. Would he? Shaking his head of the disgustingly heavy thoughts and more than little mad with himself that he was actually jealous - she wasn’t his anymore. She hadn’t really ever been, had she? It was just him taking advantage of an innocent girl, trying to get his kicks - he wondered if Wesley had found out that he had taken the file. What would he do? Call someone? Surely. Wesley’s first thoughts were always with his patients and he knew that, from past events, Buffy was among the specially cared for. Shifting on the couch, Angel almost reached forward before deciding against it. He had no right to even look at the cover of the manilla folder. No right at all and here he was, ready to look into his ex-lover’s past without her consent or knowledge. What had become of him? When had he sunk to such a desperate level? Hadn’t he given up that part of his life long ago? She was no longer in it, right? Wrong. She was always there, in the back of his mind, no matter what. He remembered the look of ecstasy on her face as he gave her pleasure, her beautiful hazy eyes as she looked up at him. The look of abject misery etched all over her face when he told her that he wanted an abortion. That he wanted nothing to do with her. But hadn’t it been for her own good? He had done it to protect her and to allow him to give her a better life. He could see both of them walking into the doctor’s office clearly as if it had happened yesterday, ready for the operation and Buffy’s small, hunched over figure as she disappeared into the room, objecting to his presence. He could see it in her eyes. She wanted nothing to do with him. Nothing at all. She blamed him for everything that was suddenly wrong in her life, and wasn’t he the one to blame after all? He had practically violated everything that was beautiful about her and tainted it to his pleasure. And then got her pregnant at such a young age and then threw it all away, right in front of her. How could he have not scarred her, at least a little? Guilt hit him at that thought. What was he thinking? How could he think that he had taken such a significant part in ruining her life and actually seem a little... proud? Angel felt like being sick and closed his eyes. He had ruined her life, when she had been young. He had given her something new, and suddenly ripped it away. He thought he had been clear when he said that he didn’t want the long term relationship most girls her age wanted. He had just wanted a little fun, but she had clearly misinterpreted it. When she had told him that she was pregnant with his child, the baby boy she claimed grew in her, she had also told him she was in love with him. God, she was in love with him. He hadn’t known what to think after that. What do you say to something like that when the entire time you had thought it was just a fun fling? How could he have not seen it happening before his eyes? He didn’t understand. After the baby was gone, he left as well. He didn’t speak to her or say goodbye, rather just left. That last time he saw her before the incident in Wesley’s office had been in the doctor’s office as she slowly told him it was done. She had then left after rejecting his ride home. Angel thought that meant she was going to forget him and everything that had to do with him. He saw that as the ultimate rejection and decided that leaving was the best route. So he left, moving three thousand miles away to live in New York. He had started his own little business before selling it away to take a better job down here. He couldn’t deny that he automatically thought of Buffy at the offer’s first mention. But he had assumed she moved. He had been seriously wrong. He had met Christina when he finally moved here. She was in a small bookstore and Angel had smiled at her. She smiled back and they started dating. The instant she said she was pregnant, Angel immediately, right that moment, got down on his knee and proposed to her. He had promised her that he would never leave her, never leave their baby, that he would always be there. All because of the little blonde whom now haunted his life like nothing other. Angel didn’t even know what he felt for her. Not that he ever did. When he had first met Buffy, she had been an object of lust, someone to seek to sate his need. When they finally had sex, she had turned into a little obsession. She was so innocent to the world of sex that Angel had gladly, and instantly, taken the role of her instructor. And she had been a great student, always eager and never saying no. Maybe that was where he should have realized something was up. She never said no to him. Not once. She was timid at times, but when he asked, she always said she was ready. He couldn’t even remember her saying the word no in their entire relationship together. She never really asked for anything, either. It was as if she was there just to keep him happy. And then she shut him out. Buffy never did that, where he was concerned, so he had instantly sought her out. She was nowhere to be found. If she was at her mother’s house, he couldn’t do anything because he was sure the thought of a thirty-year-old asking about a sixteen-year-old would surely freak her mother out. She wasn’t at work. She was never at her school whenever he was there looking for her. She was avoiding him. Finally, he cornered her. And everything spilled out. Everything. She was pregnant, she was scared, she was in love with him... she loved him. The next day, after letting her spend the night with him for the first time in so many long months, he suggested getting rid of the baby. That was when she truly shut him out. It was a little terrifying knowing that she suddenly wanted nothing to do with him. She had stayed in his bed for an hour before finally leaving his bedroom and just walking out the door, not looking him. Angel would never forget the image of her tear-stained face and her arms hugging her stomach tightly. She had looked so little and so damned young then. It had only reminded him why he had to let her go. He couldn’t be with her. He couldn’t let her keep his baby either because the rational part of him knew that she would sooner or later tell the police what had been going on and then he would rot in jail for the rest of his life. But, judging by current events, she had never uttered a word to anyone besides Wesley... and possibly Willow. The phone suddenly ringing interrupted Angel’s thoughts and he jumped, unconsciously looking towards the clock that hung over the large TV. He had been sitting there for an hour, doing nothing but stare at the folder on his table. Sighing heavily, Angel stood slowly, dreading whoever was calling. He didn’t feel like talking at the moment. And that was exactly what he was going to tell the person on the other end. Reaching the phone, Angel picked up the handset before pausing at the name on the Caller ID. “Roarke & Giles Inc” followed by Angel’s office number. Someone was calling from his office. Angel didn’t have time to consider whoever the hell it was before the answering machine picked up, his fiancee’s clear voice echoing in the very empty house. “Hi, you’ve reached Angel and Christina. We’re not in right now but if you could please leave a message, we will gladly get back to you. Thanks.” A loud beep followed before Wesley’s angry voice came over the speaker. “Hello, this is Mr. Pryce with Roarke & Giles Incorporation, and I need to speak to Mr. Roarke immediately. It is very important. Thank you.” There was none of the pleasantness in his tone that Angel was used to. It was completely non-existent, replaced instead with anger. Angel stared at the machine for a moment, stared at the blinking number one as it reminded him that there was a message waiting for him. Slowly, he replaced the phone back in its charger before turning around. Looking at the table and the folder, Angel moved forward with a new resolve. A resolve that was seriously misplaced in reasoning. Sitting down, Angel grabbed the thick file and placed it in his lap before opening it.
“Do you think I would look good in this? It doesn’t make my ass look... huge, or anything, does it?” Cordelia Chase asked, turning around in a tight circle before pausing in front of the large mirror and turning to catch sight of her behind. Christina looked up at the younger woman by seven years and smiled. “You look amazing. Doyle will love it.” Cordelia beamed. “I know.” “How are you two getting along? The last time I called, you two were yelling at each other like banshees,” Christina said, slightly amused as she watched Cordelia go back into the dressing room. The two of them were always fighting over the silliest things, whether it be about how to use the blender or why neither of them didn’t pay the electricity bill. But either way, they always ended up together. It was sweet how deep they felt for each other and it sometimes made Christina slightly jealous. “Oh, that was silly. Doyle didn’t put the toilet seat down.” Laughing softly to herself, Cordelia continued, “The things that man does.” Christina smirked. Angel never did things like that. He was always considerate of how she would feel. He was always careful about how he acted around her. He was never truly himself and Christina knew that he thought she couldn’t tell. But how could she not when he would come home and say hi to her with the falsest smile decorating his face. There was no spark in his eye. There was nothing there that she always saw in her best friend’s relationship. And she was sure that something had killed it, but she didn’t know what and was terrified to ask. “Did you find anything?” Christina looked up to her bright friend. She remembered when she first met the loud brunette in Barney’s in Los Angeles. They had bumped into each other and Christina had knocked down Cordelia’s bags. Cordelia immediately began badmouthing the older brunette and Christina quickly made amends by offering to buy her a drink. And then things just went from there. Nothing seemed to get in between them. Cordelia brought out the young shopping queen in Christina while Christina brought a level of sophistication to Cordelia’s life. It seemed to make the perfect pair and she could remember Angel rolling his eyes when she first mentioned the relationship. He knew of Cordelia Chase through her father’s reputation and said, in confidence, that she was a complete spoiled brat. But that was before her father’s money had been taken away by the IRS and Cordelia was forced to grow up. Now she was a woman who knew what she wanted, but took a different road to get it. A softer one. A wiser one. Christina was proud of her friend. “No, not yet.” A wicked grin came across her face. “I’m going to have to start thinking about the fact that I’m having a baby.” Cordelia couldn’t help but notice the glow that came over Christina’s face. It was gorgeous, making her friend’s face open up to the world. “And the honeymoon. You won’t be showing when that comes around. So, Victoria’s Secret or Frederick’s of Hollywood?” Christina laughed. “I don’t know about-“ “Cordelia?” Both women looked up to see a tall man standing next to a blonde beauty. Cordelia’s mouth dropped in shock. “Xander? Is that really you?” she asked as she went forward for a hug the man. Xander Harris opened his arms for her as he laughed. He was tall and well built, not at all the lanky boy he used to be and Cordelia couldn’t help the feelings that stirred within her heart. She had devoted a good two years of her high school life to this loser boy. “Cordelia Chase,” Xander repeating her name as they hugged. “You’re looking fine.” Cordelia actually blushed as she pulled away from her old beau and Christina couldn’t help but lift an eyebrow in wonder. Cordelia never blushed. “Oh, shut up. You’re not looking half bad yourself, Mr. Harris.” Christina almost laughed out loud when his chest literally puffed out with pride and Cordelia chuckled. “Never changes,” she mumbled to herself before turning to look at the third woman in their conversation. “Hi, I’m Cordelia Chase.” The woman smiled happily, ignoring Cordelia’s outstretched hand. “You don’t recognize me?” Cordelia paused. Then her mouth dropped once again. “Anya? Anya Jenkins?” The woman smiled happily. “Yes. Only it’s Anya Harris now.” Cordelia turned her eyes to Xander. “You got married? You got married?” Xander grinned, wrapping an arm around Anya’s shoulders as she shoved out her hand for both of them to admire. Cordelia grabbed her hand and studied the diamond. “It’s beautiful. Congratulations.” “Thank you,” Anya replied, beaming. “I see that you have one just like mine.” Cordelia looked down to her own finger. “Yeah. I got married last year. But I kept my last name.” “Whose your friend?” Xander asked, butting into the wedding ring talk. His eyes were trained on the beautiful brunette who seemed older than Cordelia. But she looked like one of the happiest people in the world right now. Cordelia looked over her shoulder. “Oh, how rude of me. I’m sorry. This is Christina Lornes. Well, soon to be Christina Roarke anyway. Christina, this is Xander and Anya Harris. I went to high school with them.” Christina smiled. “Very nice to meet you,” she said as she shook both of their hands. “So you’re going to be marrying into the Roarke & Giles Incorporation, right?” Anya asked loudly. Christina was the one to blush this time. “Yes. But I met him before that deal was finalized.” “Yes, Mr. Roarke just moved into his office a month or so ago.” At Christina’s odd look, she continued, “I work there. For fun. As a secretary. Xander has made lots of money already so I just work there for the fun of it.” Cordelia actually laughed at that while Christina smiled politely. She had never heard of anyone working for the fun of it. “So, do you still keep in touch with everyone? Willow? Buffy?” Xander nodded. “Yeah. Everyone is doing great. Willow’s a brilliant surgeon these days and Buffy is a social worker.” Cordelia’s face fell a bit. “Oh... she didn’t get that job because she... you know?” Xander’s face hardened a little. “Yeah. I think that’s why. It really hit her hard, especially after the mystery guy suddenly disappeared.” Christina frowned and was about to speak before Anya interrupted. “Oh, you mean when she got the abortion?” Xander elbowed her in the ribs while Cordelia and Christina stared at her. “Ahn, that isn’t exactly something you yell for the world to know,” Xander chastised. Anya frowned. “But they already knew apparently. I just wanted to make sure I knew what you were talking about.” Xander smiled apologetically to the brunettes. “I’m sorry. She’s not exactly known for her tact.” “Oh, that’s alright,” Cordelia said, smiling. “It’s old news anyway.” Looking down at his watch, Xander continued, “We should be going anyway. It was great seeing you again, Cordelia.” Cordelia accepted his hug with a smile. “You, too, Harris. We should get together some time and catch up.” “Yeah, that’d be fun. Nice meeting you, Christina.” “You, too,” Christina said, nodding to both Xander and Anya. Anya grinned brightly. “We should get together and go shopping.” Cordelia nodded. “Yeah, sure. Give me a call.” “Okay... goodbye!” Christina and Cordelia watched the two walk off before Christina turned to her friend. “Wow. They were... nice.” “Yeah,” Cordelia said, smiling. “Knew both of them in high school when I decided that dating someone from the loser crowd would be fun.” Christina stared at her friend a moment before they both started walking for the checkout line. “You really liked him, didn’t you?” Cordelia nodded without looking at Christina. “Yeah. I don’t know why either. Things really got hot and heavy, though, especially when Buffy had the abortion. It was our little way of coping with such a crazy thing.” “So, what happened with her?” “Oh, you know how it goes. Some older guy, a complete asshole, knocked her up and left her, offering to pay for the procedure and then skipping town. It completely destroyed the poor girl. And it was right before her birthday, too.” “God, that’s awful. Do you know who the guy was?” “No. Willow does though but she wouldn’t say a word. God, I haven’t talked to either of them for a long while.” “You should look them up. Old high school buddies are hard to keep.” Cordelia looked wistful for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, I think I will.” As Cordelia bought her items, Christina thought about how hard it would be to get an abortion. She wondered if Buffy loved the guy. What would she do if Angel wanted her to get an abortion? The thought was dark and disturbing and Christina immediately pushed it away from her thoughts. Angel would never do that. He loved her. “So, Victoria’s Secret or Frederick’s of Hollywood?”
“... I first met Angel when I was sixteen and looking for a job. At this really great coffee place. I saw him buying his coffee and I couldn’t help thinking... Wow, this guy is damn hot...” “... The first time I talked to him I looked like a moron so I didn’t try again until Willow urged me to do it... I was so embarrassed... but then he asked me out and things just went on from there...” “... He was my first... not my only... he treated me so good and everything seemed perfect. I honestly thought I would spend the rest of my life with him but then again I guess that’s what every sixteen-year-old teenager thinks when she’s that age...” “... It was right before my birthday when I found out I was pregnant. I couldn’t tell Angel because, hello? I was in love with the guy and I was going to have his baby. He was thirty and I was sixteen... What kind of relationship was that?...” “... A great one at the time...” Angel closed his eyes as he closed the folder. He didn’t need to read anymore. He had been there. Grabbing the small piece of torn paper from the coffee table where he had thrown it, he contemplated shredding it. His scrawled writing stared back at him pathetically.
“Angel, I’m home!” Christina breezed in through the doorway, bags upon bags in her hands. Setting them next to the door, she removed her coat and dropped her purse onto the small table where a large vase a fake flowers stood. It had been a gift from her mother before she and Angel moved into together. “Angel?” Looking around, Christina moved deeper into the house, her keys still clutched in her hands as she entered the living room. It was clean and quiet, nothing amiss or out of place. Looking around again, she noticed the blinking light on the machine. Moving towards it, she pressed the play button, listening to Wesley’s angry voice. Looking around her empty house, she frowned. “Angel?”
l be kind, rewind l back to top l
Some of the fanfiction featured on this site contains adult content and situations not suited for people under the age of 18. They are properly marked. You have been warned.
|
