Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: The characters of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer belong exclusively to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Warner Brothers. I'm just borrowing.
Part seven in the Friends... Lovers... Series.
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Willow tried to focus on the conversation she was having with Xander and Buffy as they walked along the corridor and up into the sitting area of Sunnydale High School. As she nestled into the couch, she thought only of Angel. If Buffy was worried about him… Then that was all the reason she needed to be terrified for him. It had only been two nights ago that he'd rushed from her bedroom, telling her they could never be together. The change had been so sudden. He'd been so tender and loving… She sighed inwardly, and then he just ran away.
He'd meant it. Every word, and she knew that. The passion in his voice had made it painfully obvious that he did *not* want to be with her. And while she'd protested, it had done no good. I should have known. Angel and me…
Cordelia's voice droned it's way into her head and she looked up, listening as the tall brunette made a few pointed remarks and then disappeared. Behind her, Buffy commented, "She certainly has reverted to form."
Willow glanced up at her best friend, "It's not her fault." She looked down to Xander, "After whats happened, we've got to cut her some slack." We hurt her, not the other way around.
Xander smiled at her, "That's the Christmas Spirit."
"Hello? Still Jewish. Hanukkah Spirit I believe that was." She lowered her voice, admitting, "Anyway, forgiveness is pretty much a big theme for me this year because of the…" She stopped suddenly, her eyes falling on Oz. Oh God…
He looked nervous, fidgeting as he said quietly, "Hey."
"Hey." She watched him closely, an almost irrational case of nerves breaking all throughout her body. When he asked her if they could talk, she'd nodded and gotten up carefully, following a two steps behind him as he lead her into a near by classroom. When he rest against one end of the teacher's desk in the room, she stepped rigidly around him and leant against the far end of the desk.
It felt like minutes before Oz eventually spoke.
"Okay, the thing is…" He paused for a brief moment and then continued, "Seeing you with Xander… It was… Well, I've never felt that way before…" He added, "When there wasn't a full moon." Small hints of pain paraded through Willow's heart as he went on, "But… I know you guys have a history…"
Trying to comfort him, her guilt at ever hurting him taking hold of her, Willow told him sincerely, "But it's a history that's in the past." Well duh… "Well, I guess most history's in the past. But it's over."
Oz shrugged, "Well, I dunno. I dunno if it ever will be… Between you two."
It's not Xander, Oz. It should never have happened. She struggled to keep control of herself as Angel's name echoed in her heart. But he left me. He told me it couldn't happen. She sighed, sadly accepting, "Oz, please believe me."
"This is what I do know." Silence filled the space between them for a few moments, and then Oz said, his heart in his words, "I miss you. Like every second. Almost like I lost an arm. Or worse, a torso." He took a deep breath, "I think I'd be willing to give it a shot."
Surprise filled Willow as she asked, "Really?"
"Yeah."
Angel was right… She looked at Oz strangely for a moment, torn between her love for Angel, love the vampire had put an unwarranted stop to, and her affection for the guy she knew would do *anything* for her. I could love Oz… One day… She half smiled, I know what I have to do. Nervously, she asked, "Do you want us to… To hug now?"
Oz stood, looking at her with love in his eyes. "Yeah, I'm good for that."
And slowly, hesitantly, the twosome came together in a soft embrace. Relief filled Oz as he held Willow in his arms. A sense of the unknown filled Willow. She didn't know what would happen next, if she'd even done the right thing, but she cared about Oz. And if he wanted her still, then he was worth it. Right?
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This is still awkward. Willow snuggled into Oz's arms on her bed, her heart stinging. Three nights ago, I lay here with the man I love. She sighed deeply, Buffy had said that I needed to show Oz that I was his… And I tried. I tried too hard. I think I was proving it to myself… She closed her eyes against his chest, thinking of Angel. She knew she'd been trying to show herself, more than Oz, that she was his now. I needed to know I could let go of Angel…
And had it helped? Of course not. Everything still hurt. It would for some time, she guessed. That's how it is when you love someone you can't have.
"What are you thinking about?" Oz asked quietly.
Willow opened her eyes and smiled at him, "Love." Well it's not a lie at least.
Oz smiled back at her, "And what about love?"
"It's weird." She stated honestly.
Grinning sweetly, Oz nodded, about to respond when his jaw dropped open suddenly. "Look…" He whispered.
Willow followed his gaze, shock filling her face when she saw snow… Snow! Falling outside her window. They sat up together, getting off the bed and crossing to the window, gazing out, completely fascinated. Oz wrapped his arms around her, holding her gently. She buried her head in his shoulders. A sign of new beginnings, she told herself. "Oz?" She whispered, pulling away from him and looking into his eyes. She read him carefully, then smiled, this is a good place to be.
Catching the tenderness in her eyes, Oz leant forward, kissing her charmingly. She melted into the embrace, telling herself solemnly, I can let you go, Angel. She added to herself, if you want me to.
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Buffy finished telling Willow the final details of her Christmas Eve, a delicate smile nestled into her face. "I think maybe Angel and I can…" She sighed wistfully, "Maybe we can be together again. Not like before. Because, soul losing and stuff, but…" She looked at her best friend excitedly, "I almost can't believe this is happening."
Willow's heart ached violently as she listened to the Slayer, the smile on her face spilling into her voice, as she mused her 'togetherness' with the vampire she was unaware they both loved so deeply. Trying to keep the tears that threatened to escape her from falling, Willow said, "Oh Buffy… That's so great… You and Angel." She told her best friend sincerely, "After everything you've been through, you deserve to be together. To be happy." And you do… I just wish…
"Thanks, Will." Running a hand through her red hair, Willow rubbed absently at the back of her skull. Her head hurt worse today than it had in the whole time she'd had those stitches. Spotting the gesture, Buffy asked, "How's the head?"
"Hmm?" Willow gazed at her curiously. "Oh!" She exclaimed, realizing what Buffy had asked. "Okay. I just have a bit of a head ache."
Buffy watched her carefully, "Maybe you should head home then, Will. I'm sure Giles can handle everything here…" She glanced at her watch, "Oh God, Mom is gonna kill me." She rushed out of her seat picking up her bag, "We've got a Mother/Daughter thing. She made me promise I wouldn't be late." She pat her friends shoulder, "I'll call you okay?"
Before Willow had a chance to respond, Buffy had disappeared from the Library. She heard Giles rustling through some books behind her and turned to look at him. Sure, Giles can handle it… She sighed, but I need the distraction.
"Thank you again for staying behind," Giles tone was it's usual English self, and just hearing it was a comfort in itself.
Willow smiled, "No problem. Where do you want me to start?" Giles handed her a book and she took it, reading the title aloud, "Demon Practices… Goody." Giles smiled at her and then disappeared back up the stairs and into the stacks. She opened the book, placing it on the table in front of her and nestling into her chair to read.
But the words blurred. Her mind whirled through memories of the past few weeks. All memories she shared with Angel. His words echoed in her mind, "I can't be with you. I can't be with anyone..." Except Buffy…
The Librarian marched down the stairs and sat down with yet another pile of books at the seat beside her. Willow didn't notice. "Still with me, Willow?" Giles asked when he spotted her gazing aimlessly into the book before her, obviously somewhere else entirely.
"Huh?" She caught his concerned gaze as he sat on the chair beside her. "Oh… I'm here. Really. I am *so* here."
The Watcher smiled supportively at her, "Is that so?" She nodded, but Giles remained disbelieving. "Willow," he reached out and gently placed a strong hand on her arm. "You've seem… Well… I don't attest to be the wisest person in the world when it comes to these things, but I can see there's something bothering you." His gentle voice was almost too persuasive, "Perhaps I can be of some assistance."
Willow tried to smile, "It's… It's nothing. Really…" Caught by the sincere friendship beaming from Giles' face, Willow lowered her voice, "Giles, can I ask you something?" He nodded and shyly, she went on. "Do… Do you think it's possible for someone, who's *so* in love with someone, to still kinda, maybe…" She sighed, "To maybe love someone else? Even just a teeny bit?"
Giles smiled. "I believe so. Love knows no confines. It's undying and unfathomable. The human heart is equally mystifying. So limitless and sincere. Personally, I think we each are capable of loving more than we can ever really know."
The honesty and consolation in Giles voice brought a teary smile to Willow's face. Those words, they'd been exactly what she'd been hoping to hear. Maybe… She sighed, maybe Angel loves me too… Somehow… Someway.
"Willow… I hope you won't think it impertinent of me to ask this…" Giles removed his glasses, watching her nervously, "But are things with you and Oz not as favorable as one might like?"
Willow looked at him curiously, "Oz?" She caught herself, "No! No, no, no, no, no." Her voice became erratic, "No, not Oz. Oz is good. Things with Oz… Good! No, it was just… Just me… I've been thinking… About love and life… And how the two kinda don't go together. So… Thank you!" Willow got up from the table, fumbling through the books before her as she snatched up her own, then rushed from the room.
Giles watched her as she went. He told himself, maybe not Oz… He sighed, sad that the cheerful girl he thought so fondly of could be so miserable. Not Oz. But somebody broke that girls heart.
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Willow slumped against the side of stall, pulling her knees into her chest and letting the tears she had fought so hard to keep in escape her now she was safe. Her best friend didn't know it, but she'd just broken her heart. Worse than broken… She buried her head in her knees, sobbing quietly.
The toilet door opened slightly, just far enough for the girl on the other side of it to peek through. When she saw Willow, her shoulders trembling violently as she cried, her heart tinged unfamiliarly. She stepped quietly inside, kneeling before her, "Willow?"
Jumping in fright, Willow smacked her head back against the flimsy wooden wall behind her. She cried out in pain, shooting a hand behind her head to grasp the stitches she was still babying. She could barely focus her eyes long enough to see who was in front of her. "Cordy?" Her voice was a hush of sadness.
"Yeah." Cordelia reached out a hand to pat Willow's knee. "What's wrong, Willow? You just look a mess."
"I'll be all right…" Despite her best efforts, Willow was not convincing. Her head was aching terribly and her chest hurt from the crying she couldn't seem to stop.
Cordelia got up, "I'm gonna go get Xander." When Willow began to protest, Cordelia shrugged, "All right. Buffy." Willow protested again, asking Cordelia just to leave her be, she'd be okay, but Cordelia was persistent. "Fine. No Xander. No Buffy. I'm getting Giles." And before Willow could protest again, Cordelia was gone.
She grabbed onto the door, trying to pull herself to her feet. But even when she eventually climbed to her feet at a snail's pace, her head swam and her stomach rolled. She grasped the doorframe tightly, slowly managing to edge her way out of the toilet. Just to the sinks… She took three stumbled steps toward the sink then began to fall forward.
A pair of arms reached out and plucked her from the air, and Willow, now barely coherent smiled weakly, "Angel?"
"It's all right, Willow. I've got you…" Giles pulled her against him and tried to stand her up straight. She was almost a dead weight in his arms. "Cordelia?" He called to the girl behind him, "Help me get her to the Library."
"Of course." Cordelia stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Willow's waist and helping Giles to steady her.
As they moved her out of the bathroom and into the hallway, grasped at Giles desperately, whispering inaudibly, "Angel…" until consciousness slipped from her.