~~~part one~~~

Naughty, wicked, bad, sinful, yep she Willow Anne Rosenberg was all of these things. She was positive that she was on a one way ticket to the bowels of hell. She was betraying her best friend, but as hard as she tried to stop it she didn’t seem to have any control. Night after night she did the unthinkable, the one thing that she never thought she could do to her best friend...ever. But during her dreams it felt so right, as though it was as natural as breathing. Then every morning when she woke she felt the familiar guilt set in, making her more ashamed of herself then she ever had been.

She knew that everyone perceived her as the quiet little shy mouse, as pure and virginal as the first fallen snow in winter. But they were wrong; she was a horrible, horrible person. Because every night, no matter how hard she tried not to, she had the dreams. They were never the same the scenery changed, the location different. In fact the dreams started out pretty innocent. They talked, laughed, and were just friends. But then it happened, and after that it was never the same.

She hadn’t slept in three days. Drinking as much coffee as her system could tolerate. Taking No Doze to the point her body tried to reject the stimulant. But she couldn’t face another morning of the shame and guilt; it was slowly tearing her apart.

If she could find a way to stop the dreams, stop herself then maybe she could go on living life like a normal high school senior. Her feelings from the
dreams were bleeding into real life, making it hard to separate the two. She had to be on her toes, reminding herself what was real, and what only lived at night in her dreams.

Yes she Willow Anne Rosenberg was a slut. That was the only way she could keep having dreams where she had sex with her best friend’s soulmate.

“I think it would be wise if we split up.” Giles looked at the group of teens gathered in front of him, feeling that odd mixture of wanting to keep them
safely tucked away from the evils of the night, and the need to make sure the oblivious residents of Sunnydale saw another sunrise.

“Calm down Tweed Man, it’s just a nest of vampires.” Xander shrugged, reaching forward to grab another hand full of chips.

“You don’t find it sad that we think of a nest of vamps as a walk in the park?” Buffy joked with her friend. Cordelia snorted and continued to file her
nails.

Giles bit his tongue from spewing yet another lecture about needing to be prepared for the worst. They already knew this, and it was their habit to use glib words to get them through whatever trepidation they had for the upcoming fight.

“Where’s Willow? Shouldn’t she be here by now?” Giles looked at the clock hanging over the library doors, eight-fifteen. The redhead was forty-five minutes late.

“I saw her during English, she said she was coming tonight.” Xander picked up a pencil and tried to balance it on end.

“She told me at lunch that she was going to go home after school, do some homework then meet back here.” Buffy jumped onto the edge of the table swinging her legs over the edge.

“If you ask me someone really needs to let Willow in on the eighth wonder of the world.” Cordelia extended her hand to survey her craftsmanship, stopping at the stares she was once again receiving. “Conselor duh. That girl’s got more baggage under her eyes than Tammy Faye Baker.”

“She has looked a little rough around the edges lately. Perhaps she should stay here tonight.” Buffy thought about Cordelia’s blunt but truthful words.

“I’m sure she’s just studying too much, you know midterms and all.” Xander shrugged his shoulders.

“Right.” Cordelia rolled her eyes at Xander’s inability to see what was right in front of his face.

“Perhaps we should talk to her?” Giles removed his glasses, cleaning the already spotless lenses.

“Talk to who?” Angel asked from the stacks having just arrived at the tail end of the group’s conversation. Everyone jumped, and he looked apologetically at them all.

“Damnit Dead boy, you my have an eternity to look forward to, but we don’t.” Xander glared at the vampire, still not understanding why they let that killer back into the group again. They spent months being tormented by his bastard alter ego, then poof Soul boy comes back and it was welcome home with arms wide open.

“Sorry.” Angel muttered, walking up behind Buffy and resting his hands on her shoulders.

Turning around Buffy smiled up at Angel, “We’re talking about Willow. We’ve been so busy with the nasties of the night that we haven’t noticed how worn out she’s getting.”

Angel looked unconvinced. “I’ve noticed it too, but the demon activity hasn’t been as bad as it has been in the past.” Something tugged at Angel’s mind, nagging him to remember something that was just in his grasp.

“I’m telling you it’s just midterm stress.” Xander glared at the vampire, hating the concerned expression that haunted the vampire’s face. “She’s been *my* friend all my life, I think I know her by now.” Angel and Xander locked glares.

“Here’s an idea...Ask her.” Standing up from the table, Cordelia grabbed her jacket and purse.

“Ahh...honey where are you going?” Xander kept his eyes locked with Angel’s, refusing to lose this battle.

“It’s after sunset and Willow still isn’t here. I’m going to drive to her house and give her a ride.”

“Wow Cordelia that’s close to being friendly you know. You aren’t going to melt are you?” Buffy smiled over at the brunette teasing.

Rolling her eyes at the slayer, Cordelia gave Xander a kiss on his cheek and headed toward the library doors.

Cordelia pulled up to Willow’s house and cut off the engine. The house was dark except for two windows on the upper floor. Hesitantly she opened the car door and made her way up to the redhead’s front porch. Perhaps this wasn’t the best idea. Sure she helped the group out now that she was dating one of the members, but Xander was always around to smooth over the tension that years of ridicule and verbal attacks had caused. For the hundredth time since officially becoming a part of the Scooby gang Cordelia wished she hadn’t been so harsh to Willow. The redhead had actually turned out to be a pretty okay person.

The other’s might think that Willow was just tired, but having seen all that the Hellmouth could throw, Cordelia knew better. There was something going on with the young witch, and the others were being oblivious.

Reaching the porch Cordelia tried to peer into the darkened windows. Knocking softly on the front door she waited a moment to hear footsteps coming from inside, but was disappointed to hear nothing. Knocking again, she waited until her nerves could take no more. She wasn’t fool enough to stand on a dark porch after sunset in Sunnydale. Placing her hand on the doorknob she let out a long sigh of relief when the metal object turned.

Taking a tentative step inside Cordelia peered around the darkened living room. A sound from upstairs made her jump. “Willow?”

Waiting to hear the other girl’s response, Cordelia sighed when there was none. Taking the steps one at a time, Cordelia saw light illuminating from under a closed door. Taking a look around Cordelia walked over to the closed door. “This is how the pretty girl always gets killed in the movies. By being way too curious.”

Just as she reached the door a whimper came from inside. “Willow?”

Opening the door Cordelia gasped as she viewed Willow huddled in the corner of the bathroom. “Oh Willow are you okay?” Rushing to the redhead’s side she embraced the much smaller redhead.

Willow made no response at first, and then silent tears fell from her eyes. Soon the tears turned into sobs as Willow rocked back and forth. “Willow you’re going to have to help me here. This being nice thing is new to me.” Cordelia tried to tease, but Willow still made no response.

“Should I call Buffy?”

Willow tensed. “N-No. Please don’t, I don’t think I can face her.”

“Okay...What about Xander.” Willow shook her head. “Giles? Oh maybe Angel?”

“NO! Not Angel. Please no one can see me like this. They’ll start asking all sorts of questions that I can’t answer.” Snapping out of whatever stupor she was in Willow wiped her eyes and stood up. “I’ll be fine.” The look on Cordelia’s face said that she didn’t believe a word. “Really. I’m...I’m just tired.... Cordelia why are you here? Not that I mind that you are...here. But well I thought you hated me.”

Cordelia looked down, feeling that she again overstepped the invisible boundary that was set up when she started dating Xander. “I...We were worried. You were supposed to be at the library much earlier and... I’ll go.”

Willow felt horrible. Cordelia had really been trying hard to get along with all of them. “No don’t. I’ll be ready in a few minutes.” Reaching out Willow  stopped Cordelia before the other girl could retreat from the bathroom. “I appreciate it that you came for me.”

Nodding a little relieved Cordelia tried to smile. “I’ll wait for you in your bedroom.”

Willow sighed when Cordelia left her alone. It had happened again. She really hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but after three days of staying awake she
couldn’t help it. Those damn dreams wouldn’t stop coming. She had tried several spells to stop from dreaming, but either she had done them wrong, (which was very likely.) Or they weren’t working because the spells were meant for getting rid of nightmares. Her dreams were by no means nightmares, except while she was awake and around her friends.

Looking into the mirror, Willow groaned at the sight. She looked horrible. In the last two weeks she had lost ten pounds, leaving her pale and haggard. Dark circles rimed her eyes, making her look like a raccoon. Sick of looking at her reflection, Willow briefly considered a glamour spell. She didn’t have time right now with Cordelia in the next room, but perhaps tonight after they were done with the Slayerette stuff.

Hurriedly she washed her face, and brushed her hair back into a ponytail, Willow hurried to her bedroom to get Cordelia. “Ready?”

“Are you sure you’re up to it?” Cordelia was sitting on the bed looking doubtfully back at her.

“I’m fine.”

“Willow come on. You can fool Xander because... well because he’s Xander. You can fool Buffy because that girl has tons of stuff on her mind. Even Giles, because well he’s British. I’ve known you all my life. We may not have been bestest buds or anything, but you can’t fool me. What’s going on?”

Willow’s heart quickened. Of all the people to catch on, she thought that Cordelia would be the last one. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Cordelia got a guilty expression and held up the dream journal that she had started to keep after the dreams started.

“Cordelia!” Willow cried out grabbing the book from the brunette’s hands. A mixture of embarrassment and anger pumped through her veins.

“I’m not going to say I’m sorry. Damnit Willow when was the last time you had some real sleep. As in the eight hours a night kind?” Cordelia’s voice sounded concerned and not condemning, and Willow relaxed a little.

“I can’t remember.”

“Okay that’s healthy. Willow why didn’t you say anything?” Willow sat down on the bed next to the other girl and put her head in her hands.

“Well you read enough to know why I’m not sleeping, why do you think I haven’t said anything?”

“So you’re having dreams about Angel, so what! He’s dreamy, who wouldn’t dream about him?”

“Have you?” Willow peeked out .

“Umm, no. But I would.” Cordelia decided to take another tactic. “Okay so perhaps telling Buffy would be a little uncomfortable. But there’s Xander... hmm that wouldn’t go well either. Giles would just start stuttering. That just leaves Angel and me, and Angel’s out for obvious reasons. And we aren’t the closest.... Okay I get *why* you never said anything. But how long did you think you were going to last without telling
anyone?”

“Umm forever?” Willow looked up tears falling down her face. “You don’t understand. These dream they’re so real.”

“Willow you can tell me, I wont tell anyone else... I swear.” Holding her hand up and crossing her chest, Willow couldn’t help but smile.

“You’ll think I’m a freak.”

“Hate to disappoint you but it a little too late for that, I think we’re all freaks. There’s not much that can distort my mind now.” Willow actually giggled.

“Fine, but I warned you.” Pausing, trying to find the right place to start Willow let out a long breath. “It all started shortly before Angel came back from...”

“Hell.” Cordelia supplied.

“Yes Hell.” Folding her hands in her lap, Willow took a moment trying to think of the best way she was going to explain this to Cordelia. “ At fist I only caught glimpses of him in my dreams. I’d be in a crowd, and see him out of the corner of my eye. When I’d turn to look he’d be gone. After a few nights I started searching for him in my dreams. Just knowing that he was there, watching from the shadows.”

“That does sound like Angel.”

Willow gave a weak smile. It was something Angel would do. “Then one night I dreamt I was on a deserted beach at night. The moon was reflecting off the water, I could practically smell the salt in the air. I remember I was barefoot, squishing sand through my toes. I went to the water’s edge, the water barely reaching were I stood.”

Sitting silently, listening as Willow lost herself in the telling of her dreams. Cordelia swore she could see everything as Willow described it. Not wanting to break the spell the redhead was in, Cordelia waited patiently for Willow to continue.

“I stood that way for a long time, enjoying the peacefulness of the empty beach. Then I felt him. I knew that Angel was behind me, there were some large rocks about ten feet behind me. I could feel his eyes on my back, watching me. I didn’t want to turn around, scared that he’d just vanish again. So I waited, it seemed like years that I just stood there watching the water, him watching me. Then he was by my side. His hands were in his pockets, his feet bare like mine. When I had the courage to look up next to me, I watched him as he looked out onto the water.” A tear
spilled from Willow’s eye and traveled down her cheek.

“I knew at that moment why Buffy ran away, and what happened to Angel. He was dead, gone. And no matter what spells I performed, no matter how much I wished he were coming back he wasn‘t. All because I couldn’t do one small pathetic spell right.” Her voice grew with bitterness and Willow finally swiped at the stray tear before it fell off her jaw.

“But you did Willow. He got his soul.” Her own heart tightening, Cordelia felt guilty. She known that last summer Willow had been carrying around so much guilt. No wonder she was having these dreams.

“Yeah, but not in time huh? Anyways we stood there for what seemed to be forever, and I couldn't take it anymore. So I reached out, just to see if I could feel him... He took my hand into his and gave it a tight squeeze, as though to let me know everything was going to be all right. It wasn’t until I was almost awake that he said anything.”

“What did he say?”

“That he was sorry. For everything. For hurting us, for killing Miss Calendar, for it all. Then he was gone and I was awake. The next dream I was sitting in front of a campfire. I could feel the warmth on my face, hear the logs crackling. He came and sat next to me, taking my hand into his again. We sat in silence for awhile until I started asking him questions. Like where he was, what happened, why he was now in my dreams. He said he was in a demon dimension, a place we would consider hell. That I had been successful, but so had Angelus and that Buffy did what she had to.
That he was able to come to my dreams because our souls are intertwined from the spell, because I had finally forgiven him. Was able to trust him again.”

“For what? It was Angelus that caused all the pain.” Cordelia looked confused.

“Sure we say that now, but think about our frame of minds last summer. We were still battle scarred emotionally, still haunted by the fear of what Angelus would’ve done had he ever gotten a hold of us. We all liked Angel, perhaps at different degrees, but we had all trusted him with our lives at one time or another. Then he’s gone, and the Big Bad is there threatening us from every shadow. There were just some issues that I know I had to get through before I could completely trust Angel again. When I was able to, he was able to come to my dreams through the bond I created when I
gave him back his soul.”

“Cursed him you mean.”

“No- gave him. I didn’t do it to be vindictive or with any malice in my heart, but out of friendship. I wanted my friend back.”

Cordelia mulled this over for a moment. “So the clause?”

“Cordelia I don’t know. See now you’re starting to think that this is real. Remember these are things that came to me in my dreams. I need you to stay grounded, because honestly I am having huge problems telling reality and my dreams apart right now.”

“Okay grounded, I can do that.” Willow nodded, feeling better all ready by being able to confide in someone, even if it were Cordelia Chase.

“I told him about how Buffy disappeared, that we were looking... but well you lived through that you know. He was upset that she abandoned her responsibilities, her mother and us. I told him how we took up the slayer duties. That it had taken all four of us to do them, but we got it done. It was his idea to use the walkie-talkies.”

“Remind me to thank him...never mind, grounded staying grounded here.”

“Every night he was there. We’d talk for hours about everything. I confided in him about my childhood crush on Xander, and how I felt that Oz and I were forcing our relationship. That we knew it wasn’t going to work, but neither of us wanting to be the one to call things off.”

“I was wondering about Oz’s sudden need to tour with the band.” Cordelia commented.

“Anyways one night shortly after Oz left, Angel and I were sitting on the beach. He was reading out loud from a book I’ve never heard of before. I was laying back, just listening to his voice. I had my eyes closed, and it happened.”

“What?”

“He kissed me. I’ve never felt anything like it before. My toes curled, I couldn’t breathe, and my insides felt all tingly. I don’t know who was more
shocked him or me. We just stared at one another, until he kissed me again. I remember that I was going to stop him. There was so many reasons why I should have, but I didn’t...and we ummm.”

“Made love. Oh my God Willow.” Cordelia was so wrapped up in Willow’s dream that she hadn’t noticed that she started crying. The emotions that were coming through the redhead’s words, and the way Willow lost herself while telling her made it so real. “So then what happened?”

“Buffy came back.”

“Oh.”

“I continued dreaming of Angel. I kept telling myself that I couldn’t sleep with him again. That it was wrong. I tried, really I did. But well...” Willow let the sentence drop, knowing that Cordelia was smart enough to fill in the blanks. “About two weeks after Buffy came back something weird happened. Angel told me that he was coming back. That he was told that he was needed here. So when we all found out he was back I wasn’t all that surprised.”

“Oh wow.”

“It’s killing me having to be around him, and not have him like he is in my dreams. To have to watch as he and Buffy try and make things work. It makes me ill that I want my best friend’s boyfriend. So I try not to sleep, no dreams that way.” Willow stood and ran a hand through her limp hair.

“But you’re killing yourself in the process.” Cordelia’s voice was filled with concern. “You have to sleep Willow.”

“I know that.” Wrapping her arms around her waist, Willow started crying again. “I know it’s not healthy, that they’re just dreams, that Angel isn’t mine but Buffy’s. But it doesn’t matter, because every time I fall asleep he’s there, and I’m not strong enough to say no.”

Cordelia stood and waked over to Willow, hugging her with all her might. “If you let me, I’ll be here for you Willow. I know I haven’t been the nicest person in the world, but please let me help.”

Nodding Willow excepted the other girl’s friendship. She needed to have someone she could talk to about her dreams, and at this moment it didn’t matter if it was the one girl who had terrorized her since kindergarten.
 

~~~part two~~~

Cordelia stopped Willow just feet from the library door and turned the redhead around so that they were facing one another. Scrutinizing the carefully applied make-up she had just applied before they left Willow’s one last time, Cordelia gave her silent seal of approval with a quick nod.

“Swear to me that if I start falling asleep you’ll nudge me or something.” Willow’s eyes were desperate, and Cordelia felt her heart breaking all over again. Whether Willow was simply having naughty dreams about Angel, or if it were something else, Cordelia knew that the other girl was in a lot of emotion pain.

“If you fall asleep while we’re fighting tonight you’ll have a lot bigger problems then a few dreams about Angel.” The joke fell short, and both girls took a deep breath, preparing themselves before entering the library. “Remember you lost track of time while you were studying.” Willow nodded, hating to have to lie to everyone, but there was no way the truth could ever be known. Not only would she be ultimately humiliated, but Willow didn’t want to experience the impact her dreams would have on the others.

“Let’s go.” Cordelia walked in front of Willow, pushing the library doors wide open. True to Cordelia form she didn’t look back to see if Willow was
following, if she showed too much concern the others would absolutely know that something was way out of whack.

“Wills, we were worried little buddy.” Xander hugged Cordelia, but kept his eyes pinned on her. Willow felt like running from the room. The guilt was already eating a hole in her stomach, and if she looked she knew that Angel would be also waiting for a response. That would be her undoing. To have to see the concern in his eyes, but know that his love was placed somewhere else.

“I was studying.” Barley chocking out the words, Willow hoped that her checks weren’t giving her away with their usual blush whenever she was lying.

“If you’re too tired you can sit this one out.” Buffy’s voice sounded worried, and Willow was questioning why the ground beneath her wasn’t opening
up at this opportune time.

“No! Really I’m fine. Just got a little carried away with..” Digging through her mind she tried to remember what it was they had been studying in their classes. “The French revolution.”

“I know I’m not the bookiest of them all, but didn’t we go over that last year.” Xander’s face turned white. “They can’t test us on stuff they went over a year ago can they?” Cordelia wanted to groan out loud, who knew that Xander of all people would catch Willow on what they were studying.

Feeling her pulse quicken, Willow started to get dizzy and her palms started to get al sweaty. She wasn’t good at this lying stuff. It was easier just avoiding the group. Plus the amount of caffeine coursing through her body without any nourishment was throwing her off. Squeezing her eyes shut, she refused to pass out, willed herself to act as normal as possible. “I’m doing an English paper, and needed some facts about the war to reinforce some of my theory .”

Angel noticed when Willow’s blood started pumping through her veins, and the way she tittered for a brief second. Though he had to admit she was doing a great job of hiding whatever it was she felt the need to keep from them, he knew she wasn’t being honest. Then there were the concerned looks Cordelia flashed in Willow’s direction when no one else was looking. “Buffy’s right, you haven’t been looking well, you’re going to stay here tonight.” Not leaving any room for discussion, Angel ignored the hurt look on Willow’s face.

That tugging in the back of his mind came again, like he should know what was going on. But the harder he tried to remember what it was, the more vague it became. The moment Willow walked into the room, he felt something. It was hard to describe the mixture of emotion that went through him when she appeared.

“No.” Willow finally brought herself to look in Angel’s direction. She knew she should just let it go, that Angel had just given her the out she had been praying for. But she wasn’t worthy of their concern; she deserved their hatred. “I’m fine.” Angel looked ready to fight the issue, but backed down. If she were going to be so persistent on helping then he’d keep an eye on her.

“I will deny this to the day I die, but dead-boy here has a point...besides the two pointy ones in his mouth.” Xander walked over to Willow, placing a hand on her shoulder. “You don’t look all that great.”

Angel watched the exchange between the two childhood friends, and felt a pang of jealousy. It was no little secret that Angel disliked Xander. But it didn’t explain the irrational urge to punch the boy in the face the second he touched Willow. The feeling just snuck up on Angel that it took a moment to gather himself together. It was Buffy who finally who finally broke the spell Angel felt he had been placed under.

“We can keep an eye on her you know.” She whispered in his ear. Giving a curt nod, Angel agreed. Whenever Willow got that resolve expression it proved impossible to change her mind.

“Willow *if* you go, you’re to stay close to either Buffy or me.” His voice sounded strange to him, it held an edge that he felt was out of line. But Willow just nodded, accepting his ultimatum.

“Well then, shall we?” Giles felt the tension in the room, and thought it was time to get everyone’s attention back to the up coming fight. Hesitantly
everyone took his or her place around the large library table. Occasionally one of them would steal a quick glance in Willow’s direction, all feeling as
though there had to be something they could do for their friend, but didn’t know what seeing that she hadn’t explained what was going on with her.

“It’s pretty much all cut and dry. It’s a new group of vampires whom I personally think are here just to see what the Hellmouth has to offer.” Taking off his glasses, Giles gave pause at the bored expressions of the people he had come to know as family. “But this being the Hellmouth we never know. There being here could be of some importance.”

“I’ve checked all my usual leads; no one knows anything about our new guests.” Angel added.

“Just who are your leads?” Xander sat forward, goading Angel.

“Xander.” Cordelia hissed. The little war between Angel and Xander was getting old. Not that Angel ever did much to provoke Xander, it was mostly her boyfriend that couldn’t keep his mouth shut. But in light of the new situation with Willow perhaps the redhead would find some relief if her best friend didn’t hate the man she dreamt of every night.

“I’m just saying that Angel is *always* talking about these leads. Curious minds want to know.” Cordelia cut him off with a glare, and Xander sat back in his chair dejected.

“Maybe there’s some prophecy we’re over looking.” Willow whispered, bring the attention off Xander and Angel. “I mean when is there not something brewing when a group of forty vamps just show up?”

“Willow’s point has merit, and I have been looking. But I haven’t found anything.” Giles rubbed his temple.

“So it’s business as usual. We go we dust we dance.” Standing, Buffy was finished with the small talk. They could sit around all night playing the what if game. But there were forty-uninvited guests in her town and it was time to let them know they were not welcome.

Angel jerked his arm free from one of the vampires that held him in place, while another pounded on his face. It was apparent that they were severely outnumbered. Buffy tried her best to take out as many opponents as she could, but it only helped them out a little. The forty vamps had turned out to be more like sixty, and Angel prayed that Willow, Cordelia, Xander and Giles were holding up.

Anytime he had a second to look he’d scan the warehouse to make sure his friends were still standing, and so far they had all been lucky. It
wasn’t until Cordelia's ear shattering scream reached him that he knew that the fight and taken a turn for the worse.

Sending his opponent flying, Angel looked in the direction of the scream and saw that Cordelia was pinned up against a wall, a vampire ready to clam her as his next meal. Willow stood feet from the brunette, and by the way she held the crystal that hung around her neck he knew she was chanting a spell. He didn’t have time to think much more as a fist smashed into his face, almost making him lose balance.

What he saw next left him speechless. One by one the vampires burst into flames. Leaping away from the vampire he was fighting, Angel barely got away in time before the other vampire started to smoke, then flames appeared. Making it one less vampire he had to worry about.

As the last vampire fell to the ground in a pile of dust, Angel looked around taking a head count making sure everyone made it through. Buffy stood blinking, her brain trying to sort out what just had happened. Giles was helping Xander up form the ground. Cordelia was holding her neck, forcing herself take deep breaths. And Willow...Angel paused then swung his glance around the room again. Where was Willow?

Searching the last place he had seen her, he noticed that she was lying in an ungraceful heap on the floor. Reaching her side in seconds, Angel knelt down, praying to find a pulse. What shocked him was that her pulse was too quick for a person who just passed out. “Is she okay?” Buffy’s voice came from over his shoulder.

Angel scooped the redhead up in his arms and hurried to the exit. “Angel is she going to be okay?” This time Xander asked his voice tight with concern.

“I don’t know. She has a pulse, but it’s going not right.” With out a second look back Angel disappeared into the night, knowing that the others would meet him at the hospital.

Willow opened her eyes slowly. The room was almost completely dark with the exception of the candles that hung in sconces on the walls. The silk sheets felt like heaven against her naked flesh.

“You’re awake.” An angry voice came from the shadows. Willow didn’t need to see the person to know who it was.

“What happened?” Licking her dry lips, Willow tried to concentrate on how she got here. She knew she couldn’t be sleeping, hadn't she just been fighting a group of vampires?

“I told you to stay behind. I knew this was going to happen.” Angel took a step out into the candlelight. His hair rumpled from the several times he had run his fingers through it in frustration while his soulmate was unconscious in bed. “Why couldn’t you listen when I told you to stay at the library?”

“Angel I’m fine see.” Sitting up in bed Willow tried showing Angel that she was indeed all right.

“Ah so that explains why you’re in the hospital right now? Do you have any idea what I’m going through at this moment? You’re exhausted, haven’t slept in days not eating, you had NO right performing that spell.” His voice raised in anger, which was fueled from the scare she had put him through.

“I had to, we were losing!” Willow didn’t want to fight.

Pausing, Angel sat down on the bed, taking one of her hands into his. “You haven’t been here in days, I’ve been waiting.”

A tear escaped from Willow’s eye and rolled down her cheek. “I’ve already told you. This isn’t right. Not since you came back from Hell. I can’t take it anymore, seeing you and Buffy together, it hurts too much.”

Letting go of her hand, Angel stood in frustration. “We’ve talked about this. I don’t know why I can’t remember us.” Stretching is arms out wide Angel looked pleadingly at the girl that stole his heart. “Just give me time, I’m sure that I’ll remember soon. Buffy doesn’t hold my heart anymore, I don't know if she ever really did. I think it was more extreme gratitude that she excepted me, that I was able to be a part of the human mass again.”

Shaking her head, Willow felt her heart tearing in two. “No. You and Buffy belong together, she’s your destiny not me.”

“I won’t except that. I know what I feel, so don’t tell me I’m destined to be with someone else when it’s you that I want.” Returning to the bedside, he leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Willow’s lips. “Tell me that the love we have for one another is wrong.” His voice was filled with pain, and Willow couldn’t stand for Angel to hurt anymore than he already did. She did love him, with her entire heart and soul.

“I can’t, not when you complete me. But-.”

“No more buts, we have here and now until I come to my senses in my conscious state.” Laying his body on top of hers, both lovers lost themselves in the feel and taste of the one they loved most.
 

~~~part three~~~

With Willow cradled in his arms, Angel burst into the Emergency room, seeking for anyone that could possibly help the little witch. He caused such a scene that several medical personal rushed forward, having to almost pry the redhead from his grasp.

A young intern placed Willow’s limp form on a gurney and hurried to a nearby room. Angel had tried to follow, brushing off a nurses questions. But the doors swung shut in his face, and the nurse put a restraining grip on his arm. Angel was vaguely aware of her telling him that he couldn’t go in the room, but that didn’t stop him from trying to follow. If it weren’t for Buffy’s voice from the end of the hallway, Angel knew he would’ve caused crashed through the doors and made an ass out of himself.

The nurse studied the man in front of her and felt sorry for him. She hated working at the Sunnydale Memorial Hospital. All sorts of weird things happened here, not to mention the magnitude of unexplainable deaths she‘d witnessed on a daily basis. She wished she had listened to her friends when they told her that she should go find work in the city, get as far away from Sunnydale that she could. If it weren’t for her aging mother she would have. That way she wouldn’t have to live night after night watching Boyfriends lose girlfriends, parents’ losing their children, not to natural causes anyways. Try having to explain these things to the grieving. What she would give for something natural like a car wreck, or perhaps a real
gang related death.

“Sir please, I need to ask some questions about your girlfriend.” Tugging on his sleeve she hoped she could get through to him.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Angel couldn’t tear his gaze away from the small window that allowed him to see the doctors and nurses working on Willow.

“Is she a friend?”

“I guess you’d say that.” Angel’s voice was non-committal, confusing the nurse. She had seen thousands of people come through these halls during
the years she had worked here. She was an expert at reading emotions, seeing the physical signs off the connections people shared. She sensed when it was ‘just’ a friend, or if they had been friends for life. She could also tell without a doubt when there was more, a lot more between two people.

“What’s her name?”

“Willow Anne Rosenberg.” A female voice came. A small blonde appeared taking the dark males hand into hers.

“How old is she?”

“Seventeen.” The blonde answered again.

“And her parents?”

“Somewhere in Europe.” This time the handsome male answered, but it came out mostly as a growl.

“Does she have any other family living in town or nearby?”

“She has a guardian.” The nurse looked up seeing the pretty blonde looking around.

“He’s over there. His name is Rupert Giles.” Buffy was a little relieved that Willow had talked her parents into putting Giles as her ‘Guardian’, just incase something happened again when they were out of town.

Giles was hurrying down the corridor after telling Xander and Cordelia to stay put in the waiting room. He knew the chaos that too many overly concerned teens could create, let alone one very distressed Xander. The teen was annoying on a good day.

“Mr. Giles.” Buffy breathed out a sigh of relief as the nurse met Giles half way, firing questions out before he was barley given time to answer the previous one.

“How is she?” Buffy stood on her tippy toes trying to get a better look through the small window.

“Her heart is beating way too fast.” Angel whispered. His concentration was centered on the pale redhead lying deathly still on the table inside the room.

“I don’t understand, what happened back there? I fighting, well mostly getting my butt knocked around, you fighting, then poof! They started bursting into flames.”

“Willow did it.” Angel sighed. He knew that Buffy was concerned about Willow, and just wanted to know what had happened. But he wished she’d join the others, wherever they were. The strange pulling he had experienced back at the library was back, and he knew somehow it involved Willow. He was positive. Only this time when he tried to concentrate on it, it wasn’t vanishing like before. Instead it was Buffy’s voice that kept interrupting.

“Willow!? Remind me to thank our little witch. We’re lucky she didn’t stay at the library after all.”

Any concentration Angel had slipped away with his girlfriend’s thoughtless words. “Buffy the reason she’s lying in that bed is because she didn’t listen to us. We knew better, *all* of us. Willow was in no condition to come tonight. But the second she started to protest we caved, not wanting her to feel left out or unwanted.” Angel’s tone was harsh, his eyes becoming hard with anger.

“You’re blaming this on me?” Buffy’s voice was annoyed.

“No-o. I’m blaming this on me. I told her that she was to stay at the library. I shouldn’t have backed down. She hasn’t slept in days, is barley eating...”

Buffy looked at him perplexed. “How do you know she hasn’t been sleeping or eating? And how did you know her parents were in Europe?” Crossing her hands over her chest, she glared at Angel.

Angel paused, how did he know this? “I’m sure I just overheard her telling you where her parents went.”

“No, she never told me, in fact all she said was that her parents had gone on another trip...again.” Buffy pulled on Angel’s jacket to get him to turn toward her and explain how it was he knew these things about her friend when she didn’t.

“I don’t know Buffy. It sure wasn’t from Willow, it’s not as though she and I have that kind of relationship. And her not sleeping or eating... Did
you look at her? I’ve never seen her so run down before.”

“I guess you’re right.” Buffy turned back to the room and sucked in a deep breath when all of a sudden the staff working around Willow jumped into action when the machines and monitors she was hooked up to started going off. “NO!”

“I hate this. We should have heard something by now. Why do Angel and Buffy get to stand in the hallway and be the first to know, while we’re stuck in here with outdated copies of Readers Digest?” Xander paced the waiting room. Giles checked the clock hanging on the wall.

“Xander will you stop your pacing, it‘s making me dizzy. First of all we’ve only been here for twenty minutes. Secondly I really can’t see myself forcing Buffy and Angel to do anything.” Xander stopped pacing and went to sit next to Cordelia.

“I hate this. Why is Willow the one that always has to get hurt?” Cordelia patted Xander’s hand, wishing she had the words to comfort her boyfriend.

But Cordelia had no idea what to say. Was it the spell that Willow performed that made her pass out? She knew that Willow had done some pretty amazing abracadabra in the last year, and tonight was really well timed, but it wasn’t something that would’ve drained her. Unless of course she hadn’t been sleeping, and had been living off caffeine pills, soda and coffee for a few days.

Willow had trusted her with some pretty heavy stuff, something that truly amazed Cordelia. No one had ever...ever bared their soul to her like that before. Perhaps because she was known to be a hard ass bitch. It felt incredible to be trusted like that, and she couldn’t ruin it now by being a big ole blabbermouth.

“Xander let’s go see if the cafeteria is still open.”

“At a time like this? Are you kidding? How can you think of food while Willow could be dying?”

“Maybe they’ll have that green jello you love.” Xander paused.

“Well perhaps.” Giving a dramatic sigh Cordelia grabbed Xander’s hand and pulled him out of the room.

Giles was extremely grateful that Cordelia had pulled the boy from the room when she had. Otherwise he wouldn’t be held responsible for his actions. It wasn’t that he disliked Xander, it was just large dosages of the teen gave Giles the worst headaches.
 

~~~part four~~~

Buffy and Angel were rooted to the ground, helplessly watching as the doctor and nurses rushed around the room trying their best to help Willow. Angel wanted to barge into the room and demand that they do something and now, anything to stop the beeping alarms. To him they weren’t moving fast enough were being incompetent in their jobs.

He watched in horror as a nurse rushed to Willow’s bed with a long plastic tube. Another nurse opened Willow’s mouth, and helped guide the tube past her tongue and down her throat.

“They’re pumping her stomach.” Buffy’s whispered. “Why are they pumping her stomach?” Turning to Angel for answers she felt panic rising in her chest.

“I don’t know.” Angel couldn’t tear his eyes from the scene. There was something more going on then a spell draining Willow. A sudden anger engulfed him. He was helpless to do anything. Willow was in danger and there was no big bad to fight no spells that could be cast. He couldn’t do a damn thing but stand here hopelessly, and it was a feeling he didn’t like at all.

Willow’s body tried to fight the unnatural object being forced into her body, her gagging reflexes trying to make the tube out of her throat. Another
nurse held Willow down, opening her mouth wider.

“They’re hurting her!” Buffy told herself to get into the room, to make them stop what they were doing. But her body wouldn’t respond.

As soon as the tube was in an ugly looking black substance was poured into the opening. After a moment the beeping stopped, but neither Angel nor Buffy noticed. Their attention was on the tube, waiting for one of the nurses to pull out the intrusive object. What seemed like an eternity the tube was finally taken out, and miraculously all seemed calm.

“Excuse me?” Angel and Buffy turned to the elderly nurse who approached without either noticing. “We need you to please waiting in the waiting room. The doctor will be out in a moment.”

Angel noticed that Buffy was ready to argue. “Sure.” Taking the slayer by the elbow he had to practically pull her down the hell to the room the others were waiting in.

“Angel, I want to keep an eye on Willow.” Buffy glared at him, yanking her arm form his grasp.

“Why there’s nothing that you can do. There’s something wrong with Willow that has nothing to do with the spell she cast. There’s no demon after her that we can kill. Face it Buffy, we’d only get in the way.” Turning away from her pouting face Angel stalked off down the hall. He was too worried about a little redhead to put up with Buffy’s wants and demands.

By the time he entered the small room Buffy had caught up, following right behind. Xander and Cordelia were off to one side, Xander shoving green gook into his mouth. Giles was staring at the clock on the wall. Their gazes locked in on the Angel and Buffy, everyone holding their breath, waiting for any kind of news.

“They told us to wait here.” Angel didn’t want to be the one to tell the gang what he had just witnessed. A part of him thinking that if he didn’t speak about it, then it never really happened.

When they knew that Angel wasn’t giving up any other information they looked to Buffy. “They pumped her stomach.” Giles and Xander paused, a shared look of disbelief on their faces. Cordelia on the other hand started choking on her diet Coke.

Cordelia knew the second Buffy spoke what was wrong with Willow. She had overdosed on those damn caffeine pills she was gobbling down like candy. Mix that with little to no food, and a few cases of soda, a pot of coffee and no sleep? Not a good healthy diet.

“They pumped her stomach?” Xander repeated the words trying to grasp what wasn’t being said.

“Then it had nothing to do with the spell she cast.” Giles connected the dots for Xander. Letting out a long sigh, Giles removed his glasses and rested his head in his hands.

“Why would they have to pump her stomach?” Xander understood what was wrong with Willow wasn’t anything Hellmouthy, but his little buddy getting her stomach pumped? “Did she eat something bad?”

“She’d had to eat.” Angel muttered. Buffy glared at him again. Cordelia caught the words as well and looked up sharply at Angel. Did he know something? Had he caught on? She knew that Angel was one smart cookie, but damn that was fast. Perhaps the dreams were something more, that maybe he was remembering them too. No, he would’ve said something already.

“I don’t think so Xander.” Buffy answered Xander.

“Mr. Giles?” The doctor who had treated Willow stood in the doorway. “Can you follow me so we can speak privately?” Giles replaced his glasses on his head and followed the doctor to an empty examination room.

“Is Willow all right?” Giles felt a knot in his throat, and no matter how he swallowed it wouldn’t go away.

“Yes she’ll be fine. I see this a couple times a year. Usually it’s the College students from the campus nearby, but occasionally a high school teen. There was an abnormally large amount of caffeine in Miss Rosenberg’s system. The kids these days are popping those damn No Doz and Vivarine without any thoughts to their health.”

“Caffeine pills?” Giles was lost. “I know Midterms are coming up...but I really can’t see Willow taking anything to keep her awake.”

“We did have a slight complication when her heartbeat set the monitors off. That’s when we realized we needed to pump the girl’s stomach. After that everything was fine, except...” The doctor was cut off when an intern knocked gently on the door.

“Doctor Simms? You asked me to bring you the lab results as soon as they came in.” Giles watched as the doctor skimmed through several pages and pausing on one. With a slight shake of his head, he thanked the young man with saddened eyes and turned his attention back to Giles.

“Except what?” Giles asked.

The doctor looked at Giles as though he had forgotten what they had been talking about. “Oh! She’s still unconscious, which isn’t all that abnormal. But by her brainwaves she’s in a very deep REM.”

“I don’t understand, what’s wrong about her dreaming?” Giles asked.

“Well her heartbeat is rapid, by all counts she shouldn’t be dreaming like she is. But everything else is fine. Her lab work... as long as Miss Rosenberg
stays away from the over-the-counter pills and gets eight hours of sleep a night she should be fine.”

“Can we see her?” The doctor was already heading toward the door but Giles’s words stopped him.

“Normally hospital policy says that only family can visit a patient while in the ICU. But I think we both know that nothing is ever ‘normal’ around here. I can’t see what a short visit; one at a time would hurt. I’ll let Beth, the head nurse know.” Giles watched as the doctor walked away before letting out a deep sigh of relief. He needed to hear the words from the doctors mouth, that whatever was wrong with Willow had nothing to do with any Hellmouthy activity. He wasn’t thrilled that the young witch had taken too many caffeine pills, and she would defiantly get a lecture forthcoming.

It was Giles’s greatest fear, one of his young charges getting injured while trying to protect the Hellmouth, or worse dying. There had been several sleepless nights he had tortured himself for allowing the teens to help with life threatening circumstances. Beating himself up over their lost youth and the burden each of them had to be carrying from all that they’ve seen and done.

His only saving grace was the tiny rational side of his brain, the voice that told him that those very teens he worried about every night would probably be dead right now, taken out by the Harvest. That his slayer would never had made it this far without the support of her friends. Plus was he ever really given the choice? If he were to tell them that they could no longer help, that it was Buffy’s duty not theirs. Would they heed his words, or just continue on.

They’d ignore him. Which instead of bothering Giles made him slightly proud. Each of the young youths showed more concern and empathy on a bad day than most grown-ups did in their entire lives. Their heroic deeds had thus far preserved the world balance, they’d saved thousands...millions of lives, plus found time to try and live their lives as normal teens.

Now they had this situation that Willow had put herself into, for God only knows what reason. Nothing could convince Giles that Willow needed extra caffeine to stay awake to study. The girl had already been excepted to a dozen colleges. Perhaps the stress was getting to her. She was the most emotional out of the group. Always fixing bruised feelings, making sure that everyone felt wanted and needed. Perhaps it was time that the same was returned to her. Whatever the situation they would handle it as a group as they always did. They’ll be by her side, ready to help.

Making his way slowly to the waiting room, Giles prepared himself for the onslaught of questions that would be fired his way. The last thing he needed was for the hospital staff to think a riot had broken out, they’d never let any of them near Willow’s room.

Stepping inside the silent room he was pleasantly shocked that none of them spoke, but looked at him with anxious expressions. Buffy was for once sitting by herself instead of being glued to Angel’s side. Angel sat across the room, his face pensive as he waited for the news. Xander and Cordelia sat holding hands, getting strength from the odd connection the two seemed to have made.

“She’ll be all right.” Giles held up his hand as each of them prepared to open there mouths and start talking. “I’ll explain everything back at the library, but right now her doctor has been kind enough to allow us each a short visit with her.” As each bolted out of their chairs Giles stopped them again. “One at a time. And so we don’t have any more visits to the emergency room tonight I’ll chose the order. Xander you may go first.” Buffy shot a hurtful look at Giles, she was positive that she would get picked first. “Then Buffy, Cordelia, Angel then myself.”

Cordelia watched as Xander hurried from the room. Staring at the clock, eager for her turn she busied herself at ignoring Angel who was pacing the room. The dark moody expression on his face made her uneasy. Knowing this big huge secret about him, and having him just feet away made her feel anxious. As though at any second Angel was going to turn to her and demand she tell him what she was hiding. Not that she’d tell him, but having those intense brown eyes studying her would be unsettling.

Angel waited for his turn as Xander returned and Buffy took his place. Then after what seemed to be hours Buffy came back only for Cordelia to leave. Why was he so impatient? Willow was going to be fine. Even though Giles may not have said anything yet, Angel could tell by Giles apparent relaxed state that Willow wasn’t in danger. But the longer he had to wait the tenser he became. It made no sense.

An eternity later he was finally standing by her bedside. Just watching the rise and fall of her chest calmed his nerves. Her heartbeat was still a little erratic, but not nearly as it was before. Studying her face she seemed to be paler than usual, but he could feel her warmth from her tiny hand he had grasped into his larger one. Brushing back a few stray pieces of crimson locks, he marveled at the silkiness.

Suddenly an image invaded his mind. He saw Willow in a bed of black silk. There were tears in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks, her lips were moving but there was no sound. She was talking to someone. Then a shadow crossed her face, and Angel could see the back view of some man. They were kissing, unknowingly a low growl came from Angel’s throat. It wasn’t until the man pulled away that Angel saw his face. It was him. Though he hadn’t seen his reflection for over two hundred years he had seen a few drawings, and that unmistakably was him. He was speaking, once again no sound came could be heard. Willow was nodding and--.

“Angel?” Jumping when Giles’s hand came to rest on his shoulder, Angel spun around in surprise. “I-I’m sorry, it’s just been twenty minutes and I became concerned.”

Blinking a few times to clear his head, Angel looked back at Willow again. She hadn’t moved, nothing had changed. What the hell was that?

“Sorry, I just lost track of time.”

“She’s going to be fine Angel.” Giles studied the vampires expression, noting the overwhelming concern on his dark features.

“She’d *be* fine had she stayed at the library like I told her to.” Angel shoved his hands in the pockets of his black duster. “I knew I shouldn’t have backed down.”

“Angel, you can’t blame yourself. Willow is not your responsibility.”

“You know what Giles I know that. But whose responsibility is she? Her parents? Tell me does she really have a Mother and Father? Because I’ve never seen them, they’re so busy traveling around doing God knows what. While their daughter is left at home alone, on the Hellmouth.” Angel’s eye’s darkened, and Giles listened intently as Angel spoke. “If it’s not her parents that are responsible who is? Buffy? Xander? Cordelia? They can all barely take care of themselves. I’m just dying to know who exactly is watching out for her best interests.”

Giles waited for more, but it was obvious that Angel had run out of things to rant about. He now looked a little dazed and utterly perplexed that he said anything at all. “I’ll just... let you...” Angel turned and left the room. Waiting for the door to shut firmly behind the vampire Giles let out a breath.

“Oh Boy.”
 

~~~part five~~~

“It’s time for you to wake up you know.” Angle hugged her to his side, kissing the top of her head. “As much as I hate for you to leave.”

Willow snuggled closer to him, shaking her head in denial. “Don’t want to. When I wake up it means that you wont be there, you’ll be with...Buffy...again.” A single tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek.

“I wish it could be different. Don’t you think that I’ve tried to make myself remember? I hate to see you cry.” Rubbing small circles on her back in a soothing manner, Angel cursed silently to himself. Why were the powers torturing him like this? Why would they allow him such a treasure only here, in her dreams?

“It’s time to wake up sleepy head.” Willow scrunched her forehead in confusion as Angel’s deep voice turned into a female’s annoying singsong voice. Blinking her eyes a few times she realized that the romantic space she and Angel had just shared was gone, only to be replaced by a sterile white room. Florescent lights replaced the candle light, crisp white sheets instead of soft silk.

“Welcome back sleeping beauty.” A graying nurse stood by her bedside, smiling as she checked Willow’s pulse. “I guess all that sleep you missed out on finally caught up with you. You’ve been asleep for almost twenty-four hours.”

Trying to focus on the nurse’s words, Willow looked around the hospital room in bewilderment. “How did I get here?” Her throat was dry, and her words came out course.

“Don’t you remember?” The nurse straightened the sheets, and turned her attention to the medication sitting on a tray near the bed. “A dark handsome friend of yours brought you in after you collapsed. He seemed very concerned about you. They all did actually.”

Closing her eyes, Willow groaned. ‘They’ could only mean Buffy, Xander, Giles, Cordelia and Angel. This was so embarrassing. “They’ve all come and gone for the day. You’re one lucky girl to have so many people worry about you. Well I’ll tell the doctor that you’ve joined the living, he’ll be in a little while.”

Her eyes followed the nurse as she left the room, thankful to have a moment alone. She did it again. After she swore that nothing would happen the next time she saw Angel when she slept. When had she become such a wicked person? Sure Angel wasn’t hard on the eyes, and those luscious chocolate brown eyes were heavenly. But what in the world was wrong with her? Angle and Buffy belonged together, and all that she was going to have was one huge case of broken heart if this didn’t stop and soon.

Love was what happened. She loved Angel with her heart and soul. Never in her life had she felt this way about another person. It was almost as though she had found a missing part of herself. She should be deliriously happy about this. Not everyone found the that one person that made him or her whole. Wasn’t it her luck that the one man that could do this for her, only knew her in her dreams.

Angel laid back against his propped pillows letting out a long unneeded breath. He had just gotten back from visiting Willow at the hospital, had sat silently at her bedside willing her to open her emerald beauties. It wasn’t until a nurse came in to check on her patient that he was told it was after visiting hours, but he was welcomed back tomorrow at eight the next morning.

Closing his eyes, Angel drifted off.

Looking around he knew he had seen this room before. The large bed was empty, but the messed up sheets showed that someone had defiantly been there. The candles hanging on the walls were burnt half way down, wax dripping to the floor. Sniffing the air, Angel picked up on two separate scents. One he knew as his own, but the other he couldn't seem to figure out. Who ever it was, had just recently left.

What was going on? Angel looked around for any other clues. Looking again at the silk sheets something sparked his memory. They were the same sheets Willow had been wrapped up in when he had his little spell last night. The scent...it was Willow. Not just her usual strawberries and creme aroma that came from her body wash and cremes. But her natural smell, a sexual scent.

“Angel” The voice broke through, the room started to shimmer as his name was repeated. “Angel?”

Opening his eyes with a growl, he pinned his gaze on the intruder. “Buffy, I thought you went home.”

“Well don’t sound too happy to see me.” Sitting on edge of his bed, she pouted slightly at his abruptness. “Didn’t know you were such a crab when you woke up.”

“Sorry, I was just...dreaming.” Running a hand through his hair, Angel tried to remember what it was that he saw in his dream. There had been a room. But there was something else. Something important. Damn! It was like this every time. He’d just get bits and pieces, then poof it all went away the second he woke up.

“About me I hope.” Leaning over to give him a kiss, Buffy nearly fell over when Angel pulled away. “I don’t remember what it was about...you woke me up.”

Buffy’s face fell as she stiffened. “Sorry, thought you’d want some company tonight.”

“Buffy I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m worried about Willow.”

“Hello? Me too. She’s *my* best friend you know. But like you and Giles said, this wasn’t anything Hellmouthy. So all we can do is sit and wait. Its not like we can just break into her home and weed out all her pills.” Trying again to cuddle up to him, Angel tensed. Something didn’t feel right. Having Buffy cozy up to him made him feel intensely guilty about something.

Inching his way out of bed Angel grabbed his pants and pulled them on. It didn’t seem that he could get away from Buffy fast enough. “Buffy not tonight. I’m tired and truthfully I’m stressed out about Bright eyes.”

“Who?” Buffy looked at him in bafflement.

Looking over his shoulder at her, Angel stopped. Bright Eyes? It just slipped out, but stopping to think about the name it did seem to fit. Willow’s eyes always seemed to sparkle. Well at least before she started acting weird. “I don’t know why I said that.”

“Right. Maybe you were right. Things are a little tense right now.” Standing and grabbing her jacket Buffy turned to leave. “Call me when you’re ready to act normal again.”

Angel couldn’t help but feel relieved the moment Buffy left the room.

“Miss Rosenberg.” Willow looked up at the doctor who soundlessly entered the room. He was graying a little around the temples, and looked like he was well into his forties. His stiff manner told Willow all she needed to know about him. He was all business and no play.

He picked up her chart and started dreading through it. “So how are you feeling? Any nausea, cramping?”

“N-no.” Willow shook her head. “I’m a little dehydrated.”

Nodding his head the doctor flicked his eyes in her direction. “Yeah-well caffeine dehydrates the body, but you probably already knew that. I’m not going to lie to you Miss Rosenberg. What you did was not only dangerous, but it’s not a form of birth control.”

“I know it was danger...did you say birth control? Why would I need any form of birth control?” Willow’s eyes were wide, her skin getting clammy.

“I assumed you knew.” The doctor looked at Willow intently. His face softened. “You really didn’t know.” Willow started gulping in deep breaths as her head started to get fuzzy. She heard the implied words, but until she was told that in no uncertain terms that she was indeed... well that...

“The tests that we’ve run put you at about six weeks.” Looking through the charts to confirm his words.

Willow felt as though reality had just been ripped from underneath her. This in no way shape or form could be... or should be happening. Not to her. She was a virgin still, in reality, unless her dreams and reality were getting so well meshed that she was no longer a virgin here. But that didn’t matter. Even if she and Angel were getting pelvic twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week he was shooting blanks right?

“Miss Rosenberg do you know who the father is?”

“Huh?” Willow blushed at the question. “Umm yeah. I-Is the baby all right?” Tears were pooling in her eyes, as she held her breath to hear the answer. She hadn’t been eating, sleeping, and all those pills...

“Yes, everything seems normal. You were very lucky.” Patting Willow on the shoulder the doctor made his way out of the room to give her some time to think.

Willow hardly noticed that she was alone again, as she sobbed in relief. She had no idea what she’d do if she found out she was responsible for an innocent’s death. Not just any innocent, but one she created with Angel somehow.

Softly crying in relief Willow suddenly stopped. Did the others know? What were they going to say? Would Giles turn all Watchery on her? Thinking that the child could be some sort of evil? What about Xander? Would he hate her for this? His dislike toward Angel wasn’t a well-kept secret. And Buffy. Groaning out loud at what her best friend’s reaction was going to be.

Finding the call button, Willow pushed it until a nurse appeared. “Yes?”

“The doctor, where is he?” Willow asked franticly.

“Did you need something?”

“I need to ask him what he’s told my friends.” The nurse looked knowingly back at her.

“Calm down, its not good for the baby. He didn’t say anything. It’s Patient Doctor confidentiality.” Patting her hand the nurse turned and left the room.

Breathing a little better Willow told herself to relax. She needed to figure out what she was going to do. Looking at the IV’s in her arm she knew that first she needed to get out of here and get home. She needed to get away from Sunnydale. After that, she would decide what to do.

Undoing the tape around the needle Willow winced at the slight stinging pain. Sucking in her breath she yanked hard on the needle, biting her lower lip so she wouldn’t cry out. As soon as she was free, Willow slipped from the bed and crept to the door. The coast was clear. Gripping the back of her hospital gown Willow went soundlessly down the hallways and out the entrance. As soon as she was off hospital grounds she started running towards home.

“I don’t understand why we have to sit here and research this prophecy.” Xander shut another book with a yawn. Looking over at Giles and Cordelia he was annoyed that they weren’t showing proper attention to his complaint. “I mean Buffy got to cut out two hours ago.”

“She had patrol.” Giles turned the page he was reading without a glance up.

“I bet she’s over at Angel's right now.” Xander grumbled. “Getting smooches, while I’m stuck here-.”

“You’re not leaving.” Picking up his tea, Giles replied ending Xander’s quarter hour complaint. Cordelia gave an unlady like snort and rolled her eyes at Xander’s lame attempt to get out of research.

The phone rang, startling the libraries three occupants. Xander bounded from his chair excited to have any excuse not to look through the moldy old books. “Hello, Xander’s love shack. Yeah hold on. G-Man it‘s for you”

Giles glared at Xander as he took the receiver. “Hello? That’s wonderful...what do you mean she’s gone? N-No, we haven't seen her. When did she leave? We will. Yes thank you.” Giles lowered the phone back onto the receiver. Putting a hand in to his pocket he turned slowly to the two expectant faces of Xander and Cordelia.

“She’s awake.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“Well see I’d say yeah here, but by your long face and that conversation you just had I’m thinking that this isn’t a yeah kind of thing.” Xander looked directly into Giles’s eyes, trying to root out the truth.

“She left.” Giles rubbed his forehead.

“She left? You mean they just let her walk out of there after what happened to her?” Xander’s voice started to rise in panic.

“No they didn’t just let her walk out of there. She snuck out.” Cordelia listened frantically to the exchange. What was Willow thinking? Okay sure kinda embarrassing to OD on caffeine pills. And no one knew about her *little* problem.

“We need to find her. I’ll check her house.” Xander went to grab his jacket, but Cordelia headed him off.

“Why don’t I check her house? You should call Buffy and Angel. If Willow’s still out on the streets she may need protection.” Xander looked ready to argue but nodded his head slightly.

“Fine.”

“Great.” Giving her boyfriend a quick peck on the cheek, Cordelia grabbed her purse and dashed to the door.

Toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner were all shoved into the large bag Willow was hysterically packing. There was no rhyme or reason to what she was choosing as her head raced with what her next move would be. She could do what Buffy had done. Leave town and start a new life somewhere else. There was a lot of assistance out there for single mothers. She’d just have to choke down her pride and remember it was for the baby.

Oh God she was going to be a mother...to Angel’s child. The thought overjoyed her as much as it saddened her. Angel would never have the chance to know his child, a child he never thought he could have. Pausing her hand still halfway inside the bag. Could she do that to Angel? Take away his only chance to ever be a father. How was she supposed to tell him about this little twist of fate? ‘Hey guess what we’ve been humping like bunnies in my dreams! Congrats! You’re a Daddy.’ If they didn’t think she was out of her gourd now, after trying to explain that they surly institutionalize her.

Leaving was her only option. Jumping back into action she was in the middle of scooping her underwear from her drawer, when a voice form down stair stopped her.

“Willow?” It was Cordelia. Willow considered hiding in her closet until the cheerleader went away, but decided against it.

“I know you’re here.” Footsteps could be heard on the stairs. Willow’s heart picked up a beat as her fight or flight instincts kicked in.

Cordelia appeared in the open door. “What do you think you’re doing? Do you know how worried we‘ve all been about you?”

“You don’t understand.” Willow started.

“What’s there to understand? So you took too many of those damn pills. It’s not like you have to go to detox or anything. Everyone is just worried about you right now. All you have to tell them is that you were studying for midterms or something-.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“I mean with the way you have your head shoved in some book or another-Did you just say pregnant?”

Willow could feel tears forming in her eyes again. “Yes.” She whispered.

“With a baby right? And hey I thought you were still a virgin. Besides these X-rated dreams you’ve been having who else has there been?” Cordelia watched as Willow’s shoulders started to shake.

“No one. I swear!” Willow lost the slim control she had somehow or another maintained. Crumbling to the floor her sobs shook her slender form.

“Oh my God. Oh my... You’re being serious aren’t you?” Crouching onto the floor next to the redhead Cordelia tried to comfort her newfound friend. “I guess the last thing you’d think of when having sex with a vampire in a dream world is birth control.” Willow stifled a miserable laugh.

Cordelia looked around Willow’s room and for the first time noticed hazardous state. Her eyes found the over packed bag sitting on the bed. “You were going to run away and pull a Buffy weren’t you?” Willow nodded, too ashamed to meet Cordelia’s gaze. “Willow you aren’t the type to pull off something like that.”

Pulling herself up in a sitting position Willow glared over at the brunette. “Why because I’m not strong like Buffy?”

“God no. Because you’re better than that. Willow whether you want to admit it or not you’re a much stronger person than Buffy. Look at the hell I’ve personally put you through over the last ten years. You always took it, never ran away in defeat. Buffy isn’t half the person you give her credit for.” Reaching out and tucking stray strands of crimson hair behind Willow’s ears, Cordelia gave the other girl an encouraging smile.

“You don’t need to run away where no one can help you.” Cordelia’s strong voice softened a bit. “I’ll be here for you.”

Willow leaned forward and hugged Cordelia, thanking the Goddess for Cordelia.
 

~~~part six~~~

“So are you going to tell Angel?” Cordelia hung one of Willow’s fuzzy orange sweaters on a hanger.

“No!” Willow spun around from the bookshelf, her face drained of any color.

“Please give me some credit. I’m not a complete idiot you know. I’m not talking about the walking talking Daytime Angel. But your Dream Angel, are you going to tell him?” Grabbing yet another fuzzy sweater Cordelia silently wondered if Willow bought stock in the company that massed produced the hideous things.

“You make him sound like some kind of Barbie doll. Evening time Angel, Holiday Angel, Beach Angel-.”

“Oh now that would be a real seller. Any time the doll was brought out into daylight it would go up in flames.” Cordelia chuckle died on her lips as Willow sent her a scathing look. “Okay not funny. Geez hormones already starting?”

“I guess I’ll tell... Dream Angel about the baby. I mean what would it hurt. So far Angel... Daytime Angel hasn’t remembered a thing, so why should he start now?” Willow finished placing the books she had packed back onto the shelves. Grabbing a handful of toiletries she headed for the bathroom.

Cordelia picked up a pair of oversized overalls and couldn’t resist a smile. At least Willow’s pathetic wardrobe was going to come to some use. There was enough room in the overalls to hide four months, perhaps five if the side buttons were left undone.

“So what are you going to say about going AWOL? I should warn you everyone is out looking for you right now.”

Willow groaned. Of course they were. “I don’t know. I don’t suppose telling them that the green Jell-O freaked me out will work.”

“No, but I agree with you. There’s nothing creepier than a solid food that you can see through. Why don’t you come back to my house and we’ll tell them that I found you here. That you’re still a little out of it, and are in need of a good nights rest.”

“Aren’t your parents at some retreat?”

“Yeah, ‘How to rekindle your romance’. Whatever. Once the milk sours it’s not going to get any better.” Flipping her hair over her shoulder, a half attempt to hide her displeasure over her family’s problems. “But we do have Greta there, my housekeeper, that’s more parental supervision than you have here. And the added plus, we know that Buffy hates coming over to my place.”

Willow chewed on her lower lip. What she wanted to do was get out of town so she wouldn’t have to face her friends when they found out the truth. It wasn’t like she could hide her pregnancy forever. Sooner or later the ‘I’m just gaining weight’ excuse wasn’t going to cut it. Then what was she going to do?

“I’m too tired to think.” Willow rubbed at her puffy eyes. “I guess I can go over to your house. I’ll think about everything tomorrow.”

“Great!” Cordelia flashed Willow a large smile of victory as she walked to the phone to place a call to the library.

Walking a few feet behind Xander and Buffy, Angel wished that he had been able to go off on his own to search for Willow. Buffy was still in a mood from earlier that night, and it was only getting worse the longer they searched for Willow. He knew that she was expecting some sort of an apology, but honestly at the moment he had no real desire to coddle her childish attitude.

He was still being plagued by the dream, knowing there was something important he should remember. He could recall that there was some sort of room, but that was all. It was so aggravating, the harder he tired to force himself to think the less clear it all became.

“Angel?” Snapping his head up, he realized that they had stopped and that Buffy was trying to get his attention. “What’s with you?”

“Nothing.” Shrugging his shoulders, Angel looked around a little surprised that they were standing in front of the High School. Weren’t they just in the cemetery?

“Whatever.” Flipping the long blonde locks over her shoulder, Buffy stomped away. Xander looked over to Angel in amusement.

“Has someone been a bad vampire?”

“Shove it Harris.” Angel growled as he walked past the teen. The distance to the library was walked in silence. Occasionally Buffy would look from the corner of her eye over at Angel, waiting for the apology for his earlier behavior. Usually he would have said something by now, but there was nothing. It seemed as though he didn’t even know she was feet away from him.

Xander was the first through the library doors, yelling out their arrival. “Where back.”

Giles held a hand in the air, signaling them to be quiet. “Yes Cordelia, but is she all right other than the confusion?” Angel walked past Xander to stand by Giles. “I’m not sure that’s a wise decision. There may be more tests that the doctors want to run... I understand. Yes I’ll call the hospital and let them know she’s all right and will be in tomorrow for a check-up.” Hanging the phone up Giles let out a long breath. “Cordelia found her.”

“We got that.” Buffy looked at Giles wishing that he’d hurry up and just spit it out.

“Yes I guess you did.” Giles nodded. “Willow was at her house, a little confused but basically all right.”

“Did she say why Willow snuck out of the hospital?” Angel asked.

“No, not really. Though Cordelia did say that Willow seemed to be a little confused. I’m sure after a good nights rest she’ll be fine.” Giles tried to reassure the small group.

“She should be in the hospital.” Angel answered stubbornly. He was relieved that Willow was safe, but after what she went through the night prior in the emergency room, she should still be in the hospital. Even if she was there just for observation.

“Actually I agree with you Angel, but when Cordelia suggested the same thing to Willow, I’m afraid that she was rather stubborn about not going back. I’m sure we’re all still rattled over last night incident, and that with some rest Willow will be just fine.” Angel looked ready to disagree, but saw the murderous express cross Buffy’s face. He was pushing this too far, and if he kept it up it would only end badly.

“Fine. If you see her tomorrow tell her...” Casting a look in Buffy’s direction Angel sighed. “Tell her I hope she’s feeling better.” Without another look in Buffy’s direction, Angel turned on his heal and stalked out of the library.

“Who says his social skills needs improving.” Xander quipped as he leaned against the counter.

He wasn’t going to fool himself by thinking that he had just ended up here, standing in front of Cordelia’s house. Though his first intention was to
make a sweep of the park, the need to make sure that Willow was all right tugged at him until he gave in. It was to late to knock on the door, so he just stood outside the house, waiting like some fool for proof that Willow was okay.

He must have stood there in the shadows for ten minutes. Not knowing what he was waiting for, Angel was finally rewarded with a light turning on in one of the upstairs rooms. He could clearly see Willow as she readied herself for bed. Closing his eyes like a gentleman when she changed her clothing, Angel watched as Willow stood in front of a mirror staring at her reflection. She turned to the side, placing a hand on her stomach.

Angel’s brown scrunched in confusion as he watched Willow shove a small throw pillow from the bed under her shirt. Sighing she returned the pillow to the bed, before climbing in herself. The light turned off, and Angel turned to go.

She seemed all right. Trudging back home, Angel was anxious to get back to sleep. Perhaps there would be another dream. And if he tried hard enough, he might be able to remember it in the morning,
 

~~~part seven~~~

The fist thing Willow noticed was that she was sitting inside what appeared to be a den of some sort. The brown leather wingback chair she was sitting on felt cool under her bare legs. The large Mahogany desk in front of her shined as though someone had spent the last week polishing the surface. Bookshelves held hundreds of books, each of the leather bound spines stood neatly in a row. Beneath her bare feet was an intricate Oriental rug in reds, and oranges. It smelled faintly of cigar smoke, something that reminded Willow of her grandfather.

She was alone, not exactly what she had planned. Before going to bed, Willow had come up with a script of what she would say to Angel. It had started out with him being here, but now it looked like she was going to have to wait, which was wreaking havoc on her already unsteady nerves. Needing to do something, Willow stood up and went over to investigate the bookshelves to see what kind of literature there was.

“Fancy meeting you here.” Willow smiled as Angel’s voice came from behind her. She felt his strong arms circle around her waist, pulling her back to rest against him.

“Angel.” Clasping onto his arms she let out a sigh when he placed a kiss on top of her head.

“Feeling any better?” Willow tensed at his words. She had to tell him. There was no question about it. But how exactly did one tell their dream lover who was also a vampire that she was going to have his baby? Was he going to believe her, or would he thing that she was seeing someone else behind his back? “Willow? Everything's all right isn’t it?” Angel asked.

Turning Willow around so that she faced him, Angel saw the tears rolling down her face. “What is it?” When she didn’t answer right away Angel’s mind started to race, jumping to the worst case scenario. “You’re not dying are you?”

“No nothing like that.”

“Are you sick? Did the doctors find something?”

“You could say that.” Taking a deep breath Willow told herself to grow up and face this head on. “I’m going to tell you something that may be hard to understand, or even believe.”

“Should I sit down?” Trying to lighten the mood, he groaned when Willow looked thoughtful instead of smiling. “It’s that bad.”

“NO! Not bad. But weird, as in Hellmouthy weird. A little unexpected, and the timing could’ve been better.”

“Willow your making me nervous.” Angel shifted from foot to foot, preparing himself for whatever Willow was getting ready to tell him.

“Yeah well I’m sure in a few minutes you’ll feel a lot of things, nervous probably won’t be one of them. Okay here it is. With you being a vampire and us only getting to be together in my dreams we never really thought about well umm...” Angel leaned forward a little waiting. “You know pro-protection.”

“Vampires can’t-.”

“Well it seems that yes indeedy they can...or at least you can.” Willow wrung her hands together as she let Angel think about what she had just said.

“You can’t mean...” Angel stood opened mouth not able to finish the sentence.

“That I’m pregnant.” When Angel didn’t respond Willow tore herself from his grasp. “Say something. DO you know how hard this is for me to tell you? I mean how can this happen? You should be shooting blanks, not Olympic swimmers.”

“Willow calm down. I’m just a little startled is all. How could it happen? I don’t know, perhaps it’s a cosmic uh-oh.”

“What am I going to do?” Sinking to the ground Willow felt tears filling her eyes again.

“Willow I will be with you every step of the way.”

“Yeah here in my dreams. But when I wake up I’m alone in this. I’m going to be a single teenage mother without anyone there to help me. You’ll be with Buffy.”

Dragging a hand through his hair Angel wished that he had the words to make this right. But there wasn’t anything he could say that would. Willow was right. She was alone. She was going to have his baby, the child they had somehow created together, and was going to raise it by herself without his help. “If I knew how to change this so I could remember...”

“Yeah Angel I know. We’ve been over this a hundred times.” Not being able to handle the awkward silence any longer, Willow forced herself to wake up.

Angel jumped from his bed the second his eyes opened. He remembered not just bits and pieces of the dream but all of it. This time instead of watching from the sidelines he was inside his dream state body. He could feel Willow pressed up against him, could smell the sweet sent of her hair when he kissed her on top of her head. But he wasn’t in control, it was as though he was stuck inside the body, only able to watch not participate. He had tried several times to make the dream him ask questions, but no matter how hard he tired his words were never spoken. Instead he got the
shock of his life. Willow was pregnant, with what seemed to be his dream version’s baby. She was scared and he didn’t blame her.

Angel needed answers. He needed to confront Willow before the dream faded, to find out what was going on. He had so many questions but absolutely no answers

Grabbing a pair of black pants he hurried to get ready. There was only an hour or two left until sunrise. He was pulling a gray sweater over his head
when the phone rang. “Yeah?”

“Angel? I’m sorry did I wake you?” Buffy’s soft voice asked.

“No, I was awake already. Listen Buffy I was just about to head out, can we talk tomorrow?” Grabbing his jacket he tried to pull his arm through the sleeve as he held the phone to his ear.

“Where are you going at this hour?” Angel paused. The answer was right on the tip of his tongue when it disappeared. “Angel?”

“I forget. Damn it! Buffy I need to go.” Angel hung up the phone with a curse. It happened again. He knew there was something he should be doing right now, and it had something to do with the teasing dreams. But for the unlife of him he couldn’t remember.

The next morning greeted Willow with a hurried trip to the bathroom. A hand over her mouth, she held back the need to gag as long as she could, barely making it to the toilet in time. She felt as though her stomach was trying to shove itself up her esophagus. Tears blinded her as her stomach rolled again.

“Willow?” Cordelia rushed into the bathroom. “Are you okay?”

“I feel so sick.” Willow rested her head in her hands trying to get the room to stop spinning. Her stomach lurched again.

“I know I’m not an expert on pregnancy, but isn’t it kinda soon for morning sickness?” Taking a washcloth and wetting it Cordelia kneeled next to Willow and pressing the cool clothe against the witch’s forehead.

“I don’t know.” Willow sat back against the bathroom wall, gulping in fresh air.

“So did you tell Dream Angel that he somehow knocked you up?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah good, or yeah bad?” Cordelia didn’t like the look on Willow’s face.

“A little bit of both.” Feeling a little better Willow used the wall behind her as support as she raised herself onto her feet. “Can we not talk about it right now? It just hurts too much.”

“Sure. But Willow I am here for you if you need someone to vent to.” Giving Willow a reassuring smile, Cordelia took Willow by the hand and led her back to bed. “No school for you today little missy. I’ll get your homework cause I’m sure you’ll have seizures or something if you were to get just an itsy bit behind.”

“Thanks Cordelia.” Snuggling back under the bedspread, Willow let herself get lost in sleep.

“That’s what friends are for.” Cordelia whispered as she walked out the bedroom door.
 

~~~part eight~~~

“So did she tell you why she left the hospital?” Buffy followed Cordelia into the library.

“For the thousandth time Buffy. No Willow didn’t tell me why she left the hospital. I’m sure that when she’s ready to talk she will.” Looking around, Cordelia spotted Giles up in the stacks and headed in his direction.

“It just doesn’t make sense is all.” Buffy followed Cordelia up the steps. “Does it look like she’s hiding something?”

“Geez Buffy, give it a rest. This is Willow were talking about.” Turning her back on Buffy and the next question the slayer was getting ready to ask, Cordelia stopped short when she saw that Giles was in the middle of a conversation with Angel.

“What’s going on?” Buffy eyed the two men. “Some big bad going down?”

“No, actually Angel was telling me about some strange dreams he’s been having.” Giles’s face etched in concern.

Fumbling on the top step, Cordelia barely caught herself in time before she executed a perfect Ten, face plant onto the cheap library rug. It was
impossible. What rotten timing for him to start remembering.

“What dreams? You didn’t tell me you were having weird dreams.” Buffy looked from Giles to Angel waiting for some kind of answer.

“I can’t remember really.” Angel scrunched his brow.

“I thought you said that in the last dream you were in a study of some sort?” Giles looked confused.

“I did?” Angel closed his eyes as he tried to latch onto the images he had been able to remember just minutes ago. “Damn. I told you this happened.”

“Many people find it hard to remember their dreams. Perhaps keeping a dream journal would help. When you wake up, you immediately write down what your dream was about. ” Cordelia listened with her mouth hanging wide open. No a dream journal wouldn’t help, in fact a dream journal right now would be bad...really bad.

“Can you imagine what a vampire’s *dream* journal would look like?” Cordelia tired to joke, but it came out more forced and frantic.

“Yes well... why exactly are you here? Shouldn’t the two of you be in class right now?” Giles looked at both girls.

“Mr. Higgins had another episode. He thinks that the government has been kidnapping him at night to do experiments on him.” Giles nodded at Buffy’s explanation as though it made complete sense to him.

“I went to get Willow’s homework from the office and Mrs. Pearson said you picked it up already.” Happy to get off any conversation dealing with dreams, Cordelia stole a look over at Angel, who was busy staring off into the distance, as though he were deep in thought.

“Oh yes.” Giles looked up from the book he had in his hands and headed down the steps to his office. “By the way did she make an appointment to see the doctor?”

“Umm, yeah.” Lying just wasn’t her. Cordelia Chase never lied, there had never been a good enough reason to. All her life she prided herself on her frankness. But this situation was an entirely different ballgame. Seeing that her oh so not very convincing lie caught Angel’s attention, Cordelia hurriedly turned her back on the vampire. “You know what Giles? I’ll just come back after school to get Willow’s homework. I just remembered that I have this...thing. And you know how people hate it when you’re late for...”

“Things.” Angel finished for her. His tone of voice indicating that he didn’t believe a word she said.

Cordelia stopped her decent down the stairs, and nervously looked over her shoulder at Angel. “Right. See you guys tonight?” Continuing her way down the steps she made a beeline to the library doors, down the hall and out the door to the student parking lot.

“Willow.” Shaking her houseguest’s shoulder, Cordelia wished that the redhead would just wake up already. “Willow?”

“Five more minutes.” Willow rolled over, shoving her head under the pillow.

“Willow we don’t have five minutes.” Cordelia waited until Willow took the pillow away from her face to go on. “I went to the library today to get your homework from Giles, and Angel was there.”

“What do you mean he was there? It’s in the middle of the day. Shouldn’t he be sleeping, or-or reading? He only uses the tunnels to the library if some big bad is going on.”

“They were talking about dreams-.”

“No!” Wide-awake now, Willow sat up in bed wide eyed. “Is this some sort of horrible joke? What he couldn’t remember a week ago, now...now with the baby...How am I going to explain this? Buffy’s going to think I did some kind of damn spell on him. And Xander is never going to talk to me.”

“Calm down Willow. First of all my duffus of a boyfriend better not stop talking to you, or he’ll have to deal with the wrath of Queen C. Second Angel can’t remember the dreams.”

“But you said...”

“I said they were talking about dreams. But it seems our fine fanged friend is having some difficulty remembering them.”

Twisting the sheets in her hands, Willow thought for a moment. “Not remembering right now is good. Maybe if he was starting to remember the dreams before the baby things could be different, but it’s just too complicated now...you know?”

“Kinda... But there’s something else I think you should know.” Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Cordelia winced. “Giles suggested that Angel should start a dream journal.”

“Oh...that’s bad.” Willow nodded and fell back against the mountain of pillows. “I heard that Siberia is great this time of year.”

“Right. I mean who wouldn’t want to spend time in sub-zero temperatures. OR you could listen to the plan I’ve come up with.” Trying to make her voice sound a little more confident than she felt.

“You came up with a plan?”

“No need to be so surprised, I can occasionally shock you.” Feeling a little hurt by Willow’s stunned expression, Cordelia shifted a little on the bed.

“That’s not what I meant. I’m just blown away that you’ve done so much for me. I really don’t know what I’d do if you hadn’t come to my house that night when I broke down. Thank you.” This time Willow surprised Cordelia by leaning over and giving her a big hug. Everyone thought that she had it easy in life. The money, big house, clothes and the shiny red car. But when your parents were self-absorbed bored rich people the highest commodity was just human contact. “So tell me what’s your plan?”

“Well I was thinking, in your dreams your pretty much in control right?”

Setting the notepad on the nightstand next to his bed, Angel stood for a moment staring at it. Something inside him was screaming that he was on the right track. Perhaps there was a reason he wasn’t remembering, that by knowing the details of his dreams could change everything.

Running a hand through his spiky hair, he let out a long breath as he fell back unto the bed. Since leaving the library he’d been able to recall bits and pieces of the dream. He’d been in a study with lots of books and he hadn’t been alone.

Squeezing his eyes shut he forced himself to concentrate on who that other person was. He knew that whoever was in the dream with him was the key. Growling in frustration he sat up again.

“Want to talk about it?” There was no need to look up, the scent told him exactly who it was.

“Buffy, I didn’t...”

“Hear me...sense me? You’ve been really preoccupied lately.” Watching from the doorway, Buffy wished that Angel would just look up. She needed to see his eyes, but he kept his head down. “You know there was a time you used to be thrilled when I’d stop by. But lately... are we over?”

“No...yes...Buffy I don’t know. There’s something off.” Finally looking up at her, Buffy stepped back with a strangled cry.

“I won’t except that, not after everything we have had to go through to be together.” Tears were falling from her eyes, her lower lip quivering. “Just tell me what’s going on. Is it the dreams?”

Blinking Angel nearly shouted in frustration. It was gone, all of it. He knew he had been able to remember something just minutes ago, but now it had all faded away again. “I can’t remember the dreams.”

“So why are they bothering so much? Let them go! They’re tearing us apart.”

“I can’t. I can’t explain it, but there’s something that is making me remember them. There’s something important I need to know.” Angel could see that her tears were drying up, as her body became taunt with anger.

“So that’s your final decision?”

“I’m sorry Buffy, but I need to know.” Turning her back on him, Angel watched as Buffy stomped out of his bedroom. He felt a part of him die the second she slammed the door, but oddly enough it wasn’t killing him to lose Buffy like he once thought.

“So what are you going to do?” Willow was sitting in front of the vanity brushing her hair. She had thought long and hard on what Cordelia suggested and knew that it was really the only plan they had.

“I’m going to do it.” Her soft voice answered.

“You don’t have to you know. We can try to figure out a way to explain this all to Angel. I mean the guy has seen a lot during his years. Maybe this won’t be the big tragic we’re making it out to be.”

“Oh yeah. I can see it now. Angel being thrilled that he and are having a liaison in dreams and now I’m pregnant with our love child. I’m sure he’ll be
jumping up and down to get rid of his beautiful and stunning slayer girlfriend for me. I mean who wouldn’t?”

“Stop that right now. I’ll have you know that you are beautiful, and stunning. So what if you’re not a slayer, you’re a witch and most of the time a damn good one. Plus you’re smart, funny and most importantly you’re you.” It was time to stop treat Willow with kid gloves. “Starting tomorrow you are going to stop all this. You’re getting up, getting dressed and going to school.”

“I-I don’t think that I can...” Her eyes wide, Willow felt a sudden panic. “I mean Buffy and Xander will be there.”

“Willow you can’t avoid them forever.”

“O-Okay.”

“That’s the spirit.” Giving Willow a warm smile Cordelia stepped forward and gave the redhead a huge hug. “And about tonight, you really don’t have to do it. We can figure something out.”

He was in the study again. Unlike last time he wasn’t powerless to reside inside the body, watching everything unfold. If he concentrated hard enough he could force himself to move, to look around. Several times he tried to speak out loud, but found it impossible.

Leaning against the desk he was shocked to see Willow materialize into one of the previously vacant leather wingback chairs. Trying again to talk he gave up in frustration when the body, his body moved and spoke on its own accord.

“You came.” Willow stiffened as she watched Angel with weary eyes. “Bright eyes; I’m a jerk. I was caught off guard. What I meant to say, what I should’ve said was... I’m going to be a Daddy. Something I never thought could happen. But we created life, I don’t know how ...to tell you the truth I don’t care. The woman I love more than anything in this world is having *my* child. That’s all that matters.”

Willow tried not to look into his eyes, but when Angel knelt in front of her taking her hands into his she couldn’t help but look, gasping when she saw the love radiating from the chocolaty brown depths. It was like she could read his soul. Any doubts she had at that moment faded into nothingness. His eyes held hers for a brief moment.

The plan fell to the wayside. The original thought was to play dumb, to make the dream so confusing that when Angel woke up it wouldn’t make any sense. It wasn’t much, but it might have given them enough time to figure something else out. Knowing that it wouldn’t be easy, she never imagined that Angel would bare his soul to her like this. She couldn’t do it now, act like she didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.

“N-No I’m sorry. I know it was a shock and it was unfair of me to expect you to have all the answers. ” Taking a deep breath Willow weighed her words carefully. “I love you too. Even if all we have is here, in the dreams.” Pulling her hands from his grasp, she placed them softly on each side of his face. Leaning over she placed a soft kiss on his lips. He pulled her in closer, deepening the kiss.

When the kiss ended, Willow pulled back and smiled lovingly at the man who had changed her life in so many ways. He was silent, watching her intently. A whisper of a smile on his lips. But suddenly his expression changed. The smile was gone, and his eyes grew.

His mouthed opened a few times, with no sound. When she started to get concerned he seemed able to get words past his lips. “W-Willow what’s going on.”

He had lost all ability to control the movement he had been able to manipulate when he had been alone in the study. It was when Willow appeared that something took over, making him a spectator again. But when he heard the words baby he remembered everything from the other dream with crystal clarity.

Not only could he see Willow’s face, hear the words exchanged, but when she kissed him he felt the overwhelming emotions he suddenly had for Willow. Never did he think that he could love a person this much. To be so concerned and devoted that nothing else mattered. It wasn’t until she pulled away that some sense of sanity returned. He needed to talk to her. So many questions flew around his mind.

He fought hard to get control, to be able to communicate. After a weary struggle that nearly drained him he was able to utter only four words.
 

~~~part nine~~~

Willow woke with a start. She lay in bed, her body stiff, eyes wide open, her blooding pumping through her body she could practically hear it.. Whipping her head to the left to look out the window, she cried out in alarm when she saw it was still dark outside. Throwing the covers off her body, Willow jumped out of bed and ran to Cordelia’s room as though her life depended on it.

Not bothering to knock, Willow threw the door open, barely registering the loud bang when the door collided into the wall. “Cordelia!” Flipping on the
light, Willow rushed to Cordelia’s bedside.

Cordelia had nearly jumped out if her skin when the door slammed into the wall. The lights only added to her disorientation. “What?”

“He was there! Cordy he was in my dream!”

Blinking a few times trying to catch up, Cordelia couldn’t make heads or tails of Willow’s statement. “What are you talking about?”

“Angel he was there!” Willow exclaimed as she started to pace.

“Isn’t he always?”

Willow stopped in mid stride and looked over at Cordelia in exasperation. “No, yes. I mean yes Angel is always in my dreams, but *Angel* was there.”

Somewhat understanding now, Cordelia’s eye’s bulged. “How do you know?”

“Well we were talking-oh I wasn’t able to do it. It was a good plan really, and I was going to act like I had no idea what he was taking about if he brought up the baby. But then he poured his heart out to me, and I couldn’t do it.”

“That’s okay Willow, I told you we’d figure something out if you couldn’t .” Cordelia indicated to Willow to go on.

“Well we were talking, and he was being so sweet and then next thing I know he gets this weird look on his face and asks me what’s going on.” As soon as she was finished Willow walked over to the window and peered out.

“Are you sure it was him?”

“Trust me. His eyes and everything changed. It was like he was struggling just to talk.” Willow answered.

Cordelia watched as Willow went from one window to the other window as though she was expecting someone... “You don’t think he’ll come over here...Of course he will.” Pushing the covers off her body, Cordelia joined Willow by the window.

“I knew I should have left.” Crying out, Willow dropped the curtain across the window. “Angel remembering the dreams is one thing. Him being able to manipulate them... Oh this is not good.”

“Well for tonight we’re okay.” Cordelia offered. Willow turned to look at the brunette as though she clearly thought the other girl had cracked. “He’s
never been invited into my home. So he can’t get all domineering guy on us. He can pound on the door all he wants but he can’t come in.”

Willow felt a little better, but not much. “Sooner or later I’m going to have to see him Cordelia. What then?”

Biting on her lower lip thinking, Cordelia knew that Willow was right. As long as Willow was in town, sooner or later she was going to run into Angel.
Willow’s plan to skip town was looking better by the minute. “I don’t know Willow.”

The very moment that Angel’s eyes opened he grabbed for the notebook and pen on his nightstand. Writing down his dream in detail, Angel wouldn’t indulge himself the luxury of analyzing the dream yet. He wanted to make sure the he put down on paper everything that he remembered. That way if the dream slipped through his Swiss cheese brain he’d have something to remind himself.

After he wrote everything he reread the words. What in the hell was going on? It wasn’t just the dream he could remember, but the raw emotions that had seared his soul when Willow was in the room. When Willow had placed her lips on his he had just felt so complete. The moment they had touched made him feel as though love and complete acceptance had embraced him. Never in his long lonely existence had he ever felt that way.

A baby? Willow was pregnant? If he hadn’t been able to manipulate the end of the dream, and seen for himself the shaken and fearful look Willow had given him, he would’ve passed it off as just an odd dream. Plus there was something inside him that was giddy with victory. As though he had figured out some complex puzzle that had until now eluded him.

He needed to talk to Willow, see if she was having these dreams as well. It would explain the caffeine pills and her odd behavior. Swinging his legs over the edge of his king sized bed, Angel headed toward his closet. There was enough time before sunrise to get over to Cordelia’s house so he could talk to Willow. He needed answers, that he had a feeling only Willow could answer.

“He’s here.” Willow dropped the curtain back into place and quickly stepped away from the window. “Oh my Goddess he’s here.” Willow could feel her body trembling.

“Willow breathe. Hyperventilating right now is not an option.” Taking Willow by the shoulders Cordelia was tempted to shake Willow. But knowing that her friend was pregnant she didn’t.

“I’m fine.” Knocking could be heard from downstairs. “Okay maybe not.”

“Listen to me.” Cordelia let go of Willow’s shoulders and went to grab her robe. “I’m going to tell him that you weren’t feeling well and I don’t want to wake you up. I won’t let him in.” Willow nodded numbly. She didn’t know how to thank Cordelia enough for this. The persistent knock continued and Cordelia worried that Greta would answer the door before she did, and unknowingly invite Angel in. “I’ll be right back.”

Hurrying into the hall and down the stairs, Cordelia gave herself a little pep talk. It wasn’t that she was afraid of Angel...well not anymore. But there were still times he was intimidating. It was like he just knew when someone was lying. Maybe it was his built in lie detector he had with that whole hearing a person’s heartbeat thing.

Reaching the door she stopped for a moment to get herself together. “Angel? What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to Willow.” Angel studied her for a moment, not at all surprised to see that she wasn’t shocked to see him standing on her porch at four in the morning.

“Angel do you know what time it is? If my parents were home they’d kill me.” Hopefully with the right amount of shrew, and a dash of bitch she’d be able to get Angel off her front step in record time.

“I just need to ask her a question.” He insisted, not letting Cordelia’s abruptness get to him.

“She wasn’t feeling well earlier, she really needs to rest Angel.” Crossing her arms across her chest, Angel could see the determination in her eyes. He wasn’t getting in to speak to Willow tonight. Perhaps with an earlier invite he could just push past her, but right now Cordelia held the cards and she knew it.

“Fine. But I have just one question. Do you know if she’s been having any weird dreams?” And there it was that slight flicker in her eyes that let him know everything he needed to know.

“Everyone dreams Angel...well maybe not vampires.” Smiling inwardly she congratulated herself on her quick save. She wouldn’t have felt so victorious had she known that she had already slipped up.

Turning around and waking down the steps he paused and turned back around just as Cordelia was shutting the door. “Tell Willow I’ll see her tomorrow...when she’s awake.” With a smirk he proceeded down the stairs and out into the night.

The morning turned out to be pure hell. After Angel’s little visit the night before neither girl had been able to sleep after his small threat of speaking with Willow the next day. Willow’s morning sickness came back with a vengeance, but the redhead insisted on going to school. Claiming that if she had to sit at home one more day she was going to start climbing the walls. But when Willow had to make her fourth trip to the bathroom before noon, she started to wonder if coming to school had been such a smart idea. As if the first part of her day wasn’t bad enough she received a
note in her last hour that Giles wanted to meet with her after school.

“And the doctor said that you were fine?” Giles questioned Willow after school. For the last five minutes she had sat in the hot seat as Buffy, Xander and Giles fired questions her way.

“I’m fine...really.” She answered as her eyes shifted to the clock hanging on the wall. The plan had been to drop by, play a round of twenty questions and run back to Cordelia’s before Angel found her.

“Well as much fun as this has been I think this little interrogation has wiped Willow out.” Cordelia flashed everyone a toothy grin as she grabbed Willow’s backpack with one hand and Willow’s arm with the other.

“I have a question.” A deep voice came from the shadows from the upper level of the library. Willow and Cordelia froze, cursing their misfortune. “How long have you been having the dreams and how come you haven’t said anything?”
 

~~~part ten~~~

Willow could feel everyone’s eyes on her, waiting for an answer that she wasn’t ready to announce. Flicking her eyes in Cordelia’s direction, she heard Angel growl.

“Don’t you think you’ve hidden behind Cordelia enough already?” Angel made his way slowly down the stairs until he was just feet from the small redhead. So many emotions stormed through his body. Anger, confusion, love, passion. All of them for the silent girl that looked ready to cry, or bolt from the room at any second.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The lie hung in the air, and she held her breath.

“Don’t.” Angel looked ready to cause damage. “I deserve to know what’s going on.” When Willow took an involuntary step away from him, he reached out quickly, his hand seizing her arm to prevent her escape.

Cordelia had enough. Willow was shaking, and becoming paler by the second. “Angel-”

“Cordelia stay out of this.” Angel turned his stormy eyes in her direction. “Unless of course you wish to enlighten me on the secret the two of you have been keeping?”

Taking a look at Willow’s desperate eyes that were pleading her to remain silent, Cordelia took a seat. Crossing her arms over her chest in a gesture of defiance, she gave Angel a glare that could melt steal. “Didn’t think so.” Turning his attention back to Willow, he missed the bewildered looks from the others.

“So?” He prodded.

“Really Angel, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Wincing when his hold on her arm tightened. “Please Angel you’re scaring me.”

Buffy had been watching, her mouth hanging, eyes bulging. But the sound of Willow’s whimper brought her out of her stupor. “Angel, let go.” Walking over to where he and Willow stood, she pried his hand off Willow’s arm. “What has been wrong with you lately?”

Angel looked down at Buffy blinking. Looking away from the irate Slayer to the frightened Willow, his mind went blank. NO! He wasn’t going to let this happen again. There was a reason he had come here.

“Well Angel?” Buffy pulled him away from Willow’s trembling form.

Angel didn’t respond at first, his face unreadable.

It was there, he knew it. Desperately he struggled to remember what had just moments ago meant everything in the world to him. Dreams, it had something to do with dreams. But why would he come to Willow about them? Did she cast some spell on him? But it was like this every time. He concentrated on his inner voice.

Something was making him forget the dreams. There had been several times that he knew everything. Then it hit him. “You.” His eyes lowered to rest on Buffy. “You’re making me forget.”

“What!?” Buffy took a step back, almost as though she had been slapped.

Giles cleared his throat. “Angel, did you keep the journal as I suggested?”

Tearing his eyes from Buffy’s fuming glare, he felt a tiny spark of hope. “Yes. Its back at the mansion.”

“Maybe you should go get it. Then maybe we can make heads or tales of this situation.” Giles watched as Angel paused and looked in Willow’s direction. Almost as though he could read the vampire’s mind, “We’ll all be here when you get back.” He assured him.

With one last look at Willow, Angel hurried up the steps. “He’s evil again isn’t he?” Xander asked through a mouth stuffed with food.

“No.” Buffy whispered.

Cordelia waited until Angel was sure to be gone, before standing and grabbing Willow’s and her book bags. “I don’t know about all of you, but that was enough excitement for one day. Willow, ready?”

Buffy, Xander and Giles were all quick to protest, but Cordelia flung her hair over her shoulder and gave them one of her best ‘I’m the biggest Bitch of them all’ looks. “Geez stupid much? Willow was just got out of the hospital, she’s still not feeling one hundred percent and you want her to go through all this drama because Angel has a few screws lose...again?” The three looked guilty and it was Xander who knew when not to push his girlfriend when she got this way. “If by some off the wall chance Angel has something important to say we’ll be just a phone call away.”

Taking Willow by the hand, Cordelia gave her a hearty squeeze. Both girls walked out the library doors calmly, but when they reached the hallway their serine expressions faded as they nearly ran down the hall to get the hell out of dodge before Angel returned.

“On a scale on to ten for the worst luck possible I’m giving this an eight.” Cordelia cruised down the streets at neck breaking speeds.

“An eight? This rates an eight?” Willow was holing onto the door handle for dear life.

“Yeah well we’ve faced scarier. Angelus, the Master, blah blah blah. I mean sure in real day life you just being pregnant is a whooping ten. I guess I’ve been jaded.” Cordelia cut off a blue Buick and yelled at the little graying woman who was behind the wheel. “Willow can I be honest?”

Willow felt her stomach lurch. Did she want Cordelia to be honest? Since when had the brunette ever ask for permission? “S-Sure.”

“I’m scared.” Cordelia’s usually shining and hard surface cracked, and Willow could indeed see that Cordelia was frightened. “The dreams don’t scare me because basically that’s just another day on the Hellmouth we call home. But you being pregnant, it’s scarier than any demon we’ve ever faced. And if this is how I feel, I can’t imagine how you’re holding up.”

“Basically the same. Scared, lost, confused.”

“I think that this is really sinking in, and after Angel’s little performance I think that you were right.” Turning onto her street, Cordelia came to a
screeching halt in front of her house. “You should leave town.”

Willow sucked in a deep breath, and nodded. “Cordy thanks for everything that you’ve done-.”

“Not that I appreciate your little speech Willow, but *we* need to pack and get out of here before Angel sees that you’ve gone AWOL. Later you can sing my praises.” Cordelia was out of the car before she was done talking, leaving Willow to stare after her. Unbelievable. Once you thought you knew Cordelia Chase, the girl goes and throws you for another loop.

Angel slammed his bedroom door open, not stopping his stride until he reached the bed where the journal lay. Picking it up and skimming over the pages, the dream became crystal clear again. Damnit! He knew this, how in the hell could he forget. Willow being in his dreams, loving him, and having *his* baby wasn’t something he should forget. But now that he thought of it, it was Buffy’s voice that seemed to knock his thoughts right out of his head. There was absolutely no explanation for any of this. Tucking the journal safely under his arm, Angel hurried out the door. Hoping that with the others there to help they’d find the answers, and perhaps figure out the future.

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