Summary: Willow has risen.
Disclaimer: I don't own the character's. They are Joss and ME, and all those other lucky people. The song is Innocent by Fuel.
Distribution: NHA, Shades of Grey, Redsoulmates, Willows_Vampires, and any other list I post to. Anyone else just ask.
Feedback: Yes, please. It is much appreciated. ghoztstarz@yahoo.com
Author's Notes: Another dark, angsty song fic. I can't help it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Gasping for air I sat bolt upright. Something is wrong with me. Did I die? I'm in an unfamiliar place. I remember the knife, and all that blood, and Tara. Oh God, Tara, she... she came to me.
Someone is here in the room with me. I can smell the tears, and the age? Old, sad, and a vampire? Angel. He came for me. I call for him. What is this pain I feel now? Hunger? It's twisting my insides. Ah, here he comes. He stopped short of the bed. I can't read his expression. It's somewhere between grief and guilt with some self loathing thrown in for good measure. Typical Angel. Why doesn't he say something?
"Angel," I whisper. My voice sounds odd to me. Oh, the pain, it won't go away. I look at him, pleading for answers. He drops to his knees.
"Oh Willow," he is crying now, "I...I didn't make it. You, the blood, everywhere. Too late. I was too late. I couldn't let you go. You...dying. Please forgive me..."
He broke down. What is he talking about? Too late? No, no, he was there. I saw him. I saw him!
~Satan, you know where I lie
Gently I go into that good night
All our lives get complicated ~
I just stare at him. What's going on?
"Angel, I hurt. Why?" I asked. The pain is bringing tears to my eyes. I get off the bed and try to walk to him. I fall, crippled by my insides. I look up at him. He has the answers I know he does. He was there. He know's what happened to me.
Angel looks at me with a pained expression. He does know, but he doesn't want to tell me. Angel knows what's wrong, and he won't tell me. Why won't he tell me dammit?! I growled. Wait, I growled? I reach up to touch my face. Oh God. What happened?
~Search for pleasures overrated
Never armed our souls
For what the future would hold
When we were innocent ~
"Angel? What did you do?" I ask. He still won't stop staring at me. He won't say anything. I rush at him with all my might. I knock him on his back and grab his shoulder's shaking him.
"What did you do!" I scream at him. I've never felt anger like this. It just washes over me. As soon as it comes it leaves. I get up and sit next to him.
"I...couldn't let you...you gave me back my soul. I couldn't just... Oh Willow. Please, don't..." he said. He was still crying. Those same grief stricken eyes looking up at me.
I know now what he did. I feel it. The power, the demon. He made me a vampire. Angel sought to save me. Instead he condemned me.
~Angels, lend me your might
Forfeit all my lives to get just one right~
The implications of this are endless. I'm dead, well undead. I think over my life. No feelings accompany these thoughts. It's almost as if I'm watching someone else's life. Nothing. Should I be sad that I feel nothing? I can't even conjure up that emotion. I feel...pain.
"Angel, it hurts," I say to him.
"You, you need to feed," he says sadly. "Come here." He sits up and pulls me into his arms. He gently guides my head to his neck. I can smell the power. It's overwhelming. I bite down with my new set of fangs. Oh, if I didn't know better I would think this was heaven. His blood screams 'Sire' to me. I drink greedily. My whole body tingles with his blood. I never knew anything could feel this good. It's better then what I remember sex to be.
I moan into his neck. I never want this to end, but he does. I stop pulling the sweet nectar. Instead I lick the bite. The pain gone, I feel so much better.
I get up and stretch. Turning back to Angel, I smile. Hmm, fangs are still there. I concentrate on making it go away. Ahh, much better.
~All those colors long since faded
All our smiles are confiscated
Never were we told
What the future would hold
We'd be bought and sold
When we were innocent ~
I go and sit down next to Angel. He's in so much pain. I can feel it. I want to take the pain away. He shouldn't feel this way.
"Angel, don't. I...I'm ok. I think," I say trying to reassure him. It didn't help I know. I don't know what to do for him. I can't tell him everything is ok. Because it isn't. Is it?
~This prayer is for me tonight
This far down that line and still ain't got
it right~
We sit in silence. What do you say to the person that took your life away? Thank you? I don't think so. I never thought my life would get this complicated. How do you deal? Am I evil? Do I turn all Vamp Willow, with the leather and domination? I don't know. I don't feel like doing that. I feel empty. No emotions. A little confusion, and a lot of questions.
Angel is still weeping. Every now and then he will mumble that he was wrong and should have let me die. I don't know if he should have. I didn't want to die up there like that. I didn't want to die like this either. Beggars can't be choosers I guess.
So begins my new life, or unlife.
~And while confessions not yet stated
Our next sin is contemplated
Never did we know
What the future would hold
Or that we'd be bought and sold
When we were innocent ~