Summary: Willow has risen and Angel broods about it.
Disclaimer: Joss and Co. own the characters. The song is Fields by Sponge.
Distribution: NHA, SoG, redsoulmates, willowsvamps, and any list I post to. Anyone else just ask.
Authors Notes: This is the last songfic in this series. The rest will just be in fic form. Thanks to G for all her support on this. I couldn't have done it without her.
Feedback: Of course! ghoztstarz@yahoo.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
She woke. All lovely, pale, and my doing. My third protege. The only one i truly regret. Not because I hate her, but because she deserved better. I should have let her die. I had no right. None. Did that stop me? No.
We've been sitting in silence for a while now. I don't know how long. I look at her now and then, just to see if maybe I'm hallucinating. Every now and then she will look over at me with those beautiful green eyes. Oh those eyes. I can't look.
She's mine now. That sounds odd. How different will she be from the Willow I've known? Will I be forced to kill her one day? Oh, God, please no. I don't think I could do it. I know I couldn't.
~oh god, here it comes again
here's that memory that'll
just break my back
and when i figured it out
i thought i'd get by
here it comes, it'll
blacken the sun
it'll bury me alive,~
I have to protect her from me, from Buffy, from my co-workers. They wouldn't understand. I don't think I really comprehend my own reasoning. What am I going to do? I don't know. I apologized earlier. I knew it wasn't really her and I was being weak, but I had to.
I can still feel her fangs in my neck. To think I actually enjoyed that. I loathe myself. I'll never find redemption now. How can I? I took an innocent and made her into a vampire.
~save me from myself
turn around, throw it all away
turn around until it all
breaks down
to the fields of falling angels~
She was my friend. The only one who didn't judge me for past wrongs. I remember her babbling. I always found it amusing. She was so intelligent, smart, and funny. Willow was special to me. She gave me my soul back, and this is how I repay her. Someone stake me now. I don't deserve to keep going.
~best friends what we used to say
all this time it feels
like yesterday
remembering when we said goodbye
still i doubt i'll ever
figure out why~
I could have her cursed. Use the gypsy curse to give her back her soul. Would she do it? I doubt it. God knows Angelus wasn't a willing participant.
She is still sitting there quietly, taking in the sounds and sights around her. I've never seen a newborn this...passive. Beautiful. Almost statuesque.
No. I can't love her. She's not Willow. She is a demon in Willow's body. And what am I? A vampire with a soul who royally fucked up. Yep. I'm doing great this year.
~save me from myself
turn around. throw it all away
turn around `til it all
breaks down
to the fields of falling angels~
I should talk to her. Explain things. Make her comfortable? It's been too long. I'm not good at the comforting thing. It seems wrong some how that I'm not making more of an effort to talk to her.
"Willow, I...," I start to say something. What do I say? I'm sorry? No. Did that already. Aren't the colors pretty and vibrant? Ha!
"Angel, dont. You don't have to say anything. I understand," Willow said.
I just nod. I take a good look at her now, instead of those side glances. She really is beautiful. How did I not notice it before? Her hair is as red as flames, skin the color of cream. The eyes...I can't look.
~if i die before i wake
it'll never end the sorrow~
I think I'm falling for the vampire version of my friend. How dare I? No. I won't. She isn't Willow. Some one save me from myself. I'm in too deep.
~save me from myself ~