Friendship

Note: Text enclosed in < > represents thoughts or feelings. 

Willow wrapped herself in a hug, rocking. Truth hurt, deeply. And in this last week, Willow had faced too many truths--Buffy and Xander, Buffy and Angel, Willow and... <Don't go there!> she warned herself. 

Willow felt helpless, lost. <I need to pull myself together before I do something stupid like-> 

~Thud~ 

Willow froze, petrified, as a soft noise came from the other room. This time Angel wasn't here to protect her. The thought of dying terrified Willow; the possibility of having her soul stolen and destroyed, of becoming one of them...horrified her. <But I'm alone! I have to be! Angel would have warned me if-!> 

"Mew?" 

<Mew?!> 

"Meow?" The soft inquisitive cry came again, clearer this time. 

Willow stood up and walked around the couch, peering down the darkened hallway. 

A dainty, solid gray cat strolled into the room. It paused upon seeing her and cocked its feline head; huge yellow eyes peered at her curiously. "Meow?" 

"Hello, kitty," Willow scooted forward, careful to keep her movement slow and unthreatening. She cautiously extended her hand, making beckoning coos. A soft, warm nose touched her fingertip, sniffing. 

"Aren't you pretty?" Willow settled to the floor, cross-legged. She ran her fingers over the cat's head lightly, massaging the short, plush fur. A purr erupted in a friendly rumble; the kitty pushed forward into Willow, banging its head into her knee. 

"So, what's your name girl?" Willow asked, hazarding a guess about the cat's gender. She rubbed her way down its neck. Her fingers found a collar, with a stainless steel tag attached. The tag simply read "Cat" on the first line, "Angel" on the second, and a phone number on the third. 

"Cat?" Willow asked her fuzzy companion, who purred--perhaps in consent, perhaps content. Willow wasn't really sure which. <He named you Cat?! How like a man!> 

Willow spent several minutes acquainting herself with Cat. A quick peek revealed Cat to indeed be a girl. Cat's zealous kitten-like affection comforted Willow, distracting her from her guilt and shame. Willow began to feel less like an intruder in Angel's world and more like a guest in his home. 

Willow decided to investigate the hallway. "Come-on girl, you can give me the grand tour," Willow stood and crossed the remainder of the room. Cat followed. 

Willow flipped on a light switch, illuminating the hallway with soft, recessed light. There were two doorways to the left, one to the right, one on the end. 

Willow chose the first doorway on the left. The door was ajar and she found a light switch immediately. A bathroom. A quick search revealed no toilet paper, no Kleenex, nada. <Men...> Willow thought with a twinge of aggravation. She turned off the light and stepped back into the hall. 

The doorway on the right was also partially open. Willow pushed the door open further and flipped on the light. 

Willow received a fleeting impression of spartan furnishings, a king-size black lacquer waterbed with a mirrored headboard and...! She immediately switched off the light and hurriedly backed into the hall. <Black silk sheets!> 

"Meow!" Cat collided with Willow's ankle, unable to understand what could possibly be more interesting to her than Cat. 

Willow leaned over to pet Cat, appeasing the demanding feline with a quick rub. 

The second door on the left was completely closed. Willow hesitated, uncertain about opening a door that might be closed for a reason. 

"Meow!" Cat rubbed against her ankle again. <But then if it's closed for a reason, then it should be locked...Of course, that sounds reasonable, after all...I'm not snooping!> 

Willow grabbed the handle cautiously and tried to turning the knob just a little. The knob turned easily in her hand; the door swung open a little. Cat shot past Willow into the dark room. 

"CAT!" Willow felt a small surge of panic. She hurriedly pushed the door open, searching for the light switch. Her fingers found and flicked it, but no light came on. 

"Mrrrow! Mrrrow! Mrrrow!" The faint light spilling into the room from the hall lights highlighted a crowded, cluttered room full of boxes and other debris. 

Willow could see no sign of Cat. However, she hesitated to venture forth into the maze for fear of tripping in the dark and possibly injuring herself. 

"Here, kitty-kitty-kitty," Willow pleaded, her eyes searching the darkness for the fuzzy escapee. 

"Mrrrow!" <Darn Cat!> 

<What am I going to do now?...Oooh!> 

Willow hurried down the hall, towards the kitchen. A moment later she came back, carrying the flashlight she had seen in one of the kitchen drawers. 

Willow turned on the flashlight and aimed it into the darkened room, scanning for any signs of Cat. The beam of light glanced over a pile of boxes. 

A massive oak desk occupied the far wall. Willow felt a burst of relief--a desk lamp sat upon it, next to...<Oooh!...A computer!> 

She carefully navigated the room, avoiding piled boxes and packaging material scattered throughout like wind-blown litter. <What a mess! I thought Angel would be neater than this...> 

Willow reached the desk and turned on the desk light. The illumination allowed her to survey the room, taking in the clutter. A Compaq Pentium 200 rested in unassembled pieces on the desk. 

Willow chuckled in amusement. Various tools--wrenches, screwdrivers, a ratchet, and a hammer--were piled next to the computer. Curiously, all of the cables were missing. 

Willow sat in the computer chair and turned off the flashlight, setting it down on the desk. She swiveled to take in the rest of the room--heaps of expensive computer equipment sat in unopened boxes. 

"Meow!" Cat leapt onto the desk. Willow picked her up, rubbing her head absently. <Where could those cables be?> 

A quick search finally revealed the cables hiding behind a HP LaserJet box against the right wall. Willow stretched her arm to reach them, and hooked a cable. She pulled out a jumbled, angry knot of cables. 

Willow heart melted with pity as she realized they had been hurled there in frustration. <Poor Angel...> 

Twenty minutes later, Willow had the computer assembled. Within two hours, most of the equipment in the room was set up and operational. 

Feeling quite pleased with herself, Willow decided to take a break and treat herself to a Coke. On the way to the kitchen, the phone rang. 

Willow walked over to the phone and hovered while it rang. Willow felt curious, but unwilling to intrude on Angel's privacy by answering his phone. The answering machine switched on, played its greeting, and beeped. 

"Willow?" Angel's voice inquired, softly. 

Willow snatched up the phone. "Angel?" 

"I'm glad you're still there," Angel sounded tired, soul weary. "I'm sorry for the way that I left." 

"It's ok," Willow reassured him, clutching the phone. "I understand." 

"Do you?" Angel didn't sound like he believed her; Willow's stomach knotted with anxiety at the graveness of his tone. <Here it comes, the apologies, the awkwardness, the regret...> 

"Willow, we need to talk-" 

"I met your cat!" Willow interrupted, abruptly changing the subject. 

Angel hesitated. Willow held her breath, praying that he would accept the change. 

"She's not mine, she's just a stray," Angel's words were gruff. Willow exhaled in relief. <Thank-you...> 

"You mean you don't feed her?!" Willow exclaimed, mildly outraged. Mentally, she was already counting the money in her pocket and on her way to the nearest all-night convenience store. 

"Calm down," Angel chuckled, his tone soothing. "Her food bowl is in the library. That's where we spend most of our time..." his words trailed off, sounding strangely vulnerable. <He's revealing too much...> 

"Where's the library? I didn't find one..." Willow asked, hot-footing again to a less sensitive subject. <I hope...> 

"It's at the end of the hall," Angel chuckled again. "Did you have fun exploring?" the suggestive undertone of his voice made Willow blush. 

"I wasn't snooping!" Willow cringed, her ears burning. <Big Mouth!> 

"Of course, not," he still sounded amused, but the warmth of his words took the edge off of Willow's painful embarrassment. "You're welcome to anything I have." 

A brief silence ensued. Willow indulged briefly in the implications...She blushed, <Lord Oh Lord! Bad Girl!> 

"I assembled your computer," Willow blurted, trying to cover her discomfort, "Please don't be mad!" 

After a short pause, Angel asked, slightly puzzled, " Why would I be mad?" 

Willow sighed in relief. She'd been afraid that Angel would see her actions as an intrusion. 

"Thank-you," Angel added softly, "I've been having problems with it..." 

"Angel?" Willow asked, deciding to forge ahead now that the subject had been breached. "Do you have a phone line for the computer?" 

"I'm supposed to have an ISDN line," Angel volunteered, weariness creeping into his voice again. 

"ISDN?" Willow repeated weakly, blinking. She clutched the phone, feeling faint. <I think I'm in love!!> 

"Willow?" concern crept into Angel's tone, "Are you ok?" 

"Oh, I'm fine" Willow gasped, sucking in air. <*Breathe*> 

"Are you sure?" Angel still sounded doubtful. 

"Absolutely!" Willow chirped, her attempt to sound normal rushing out with excessive enthusiasm. <Yes!> 

Angel sighed, too tired to pursue the unfathomable mystery of the female mind. "I'm coming home--there's nothing more I can do here." Willow detected quiet anguish underlying his words. 

Abruptly, she remembered WHY. Guilt, shame drowned her spirits; Angel was mourning a friend while she thoughtlessly rambled... Willow's eyes flooded with tears. 

"Angel, I'm sorry," Willow whispered, her heart burning with his pain. "It was my fault-" she choked, managing to force the admission. 

"Willow hush," Angel commanded softly. "This is my responsibility. I brought Matthew into this. I failed to protect him." Willow heard the tightly controlled anger in his voice again; this time she recognized that it was directed inward, not at her. 

More than anything Willow wanted to let him take the blame away, to make everything better. <But that would be wrong-> her conscience nagged. 

A sob escaped, "But-" 

"No buts," Angel hushed her gently, soothing away some of the pain. Willow cried for a moment, then sniffling brought her emotions under control again. 

"Better?" Angel asked after a moment. Willow nodded mutely into the phone. 

"I'll be home in an hour," Angel said, trying to offer reassurance. "I want you to go to bed and get some sleep." His tone brooked no argument. 

"I am tired," she agreed, letting go of the guilt, trusting Angel to set things right. 

"Bye," he said softly. 

"Bye," Willow replied. 

Angel waited until she set down the phone to hang up.