Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me. They belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement intended.
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Angel tossed and turned in his bed, images he couldn't place were playing through his mind. Images of a woman. A woman with pale skin and red hair......Willow. Angel jerked up, and ran his hands through his hair. What was the matter with him? Why was he dreaming about Willow? And not just regular dreams, erotic dreams. Dreams that seemed so real that he could almost feel her. Angel shook his head and got out of bed.
He walked into the bathroom, throwing cold water on his face. Then he leaned against the sink, his forehead against the cool surface of the mirror. The dreams had started several weeks ago, but had become more vivid and more detailed. And Angel began doubting that they were just dreams. Could they be memories? Angel shook his head.
"Don't be stupid, Angel. You were never involved with Willow. Even if you were, you'd remember it." Angel said to himself. "Unless.........."
Angel gripped the sink as the possibility came to light. "Unless I was Angelus."
Although he had remembered most of what happened during his time as Angelus, there were still some pieces missing. Times that he couldn't account for. Was it possible that these dreams were actually memories? But it didn't make sense. There'd never been anything said that Willow had been assaulted by Angelus. If she had, the others would've certainly told him about it. Hell, Xander would've taken great pleasure in making Angel's life hell by throwing that in his face.
But, if his dreams were real, there had been no force used. Everything that had happened in the dreams had been consensual. They had to just be dreams. There was no way Willow would've willingly slept with Angelus. Or was there?
Willow's behaviour since he'd been back had been strange. He'd caught her watching him, then she'd always turn away when he looked at her. She had started keeping her distance from him, never getting too close. Angel had just accepted it, believing it was caused by Angelus' actions. He'd believed she was afraid of him, but was he wrong? Was her fear of something else? Was she afraid he'd remember her time with Angelus?
Angel walked back into the bedroom and sat down. There were a million things running through his head, but he found no answers. Why would Angelus have slept with Willow? And why did she allow it? Angel knew there had to be more to it then what he remembered. What had happened to bring the two of them together?
He looked over at the clock....4:10a.m. Damn, he knew Willow would still be asleep, but he couldn't wait. Angel reached out and grabbed the phone. He waited while the phone rang.
"ello?"
"Willow, it's Angel. Are you awake?"
"Huh, yea.....wha time it?" Willow mumbled.
"A little after 4 in the morning. Willow, I need you to wake up. This is important."
Something in his voice must've gotten through her hazziness and he heard her rustling around on the bed. Angel closed his eyes against the images the sound brought back.
"Ok, I'm awake. What's going on?"
"Willow, I've remembered something. And I think we need to talk about it."
Angel listened to Willow's sharp intake of breath, and he no longer doubted himself. The things he remembered did actually happen. "Willow?"
"There's nothing to talk about, Angel. Whatever you think you remember, just forget it."
"I can't do that, Willow. I only remember what we did, not how it happened. I need you to fill in the pieces." Angel said.
Willow was silent for a moment, then spoke again. "Let it go, Angel, please. Bringing it up now will only hurt everyone. What happened is the past, leave it there."
Angel got up and began pacing. "How do you expect me to just forget that we slept together!? And if my memories are accurate, it wasn't just once. And I'm pretty damn sure we both enjoyed it! Now, I think that makes this something we need to talk about. Or do you want me asking one of the others?"
"No! None of them know anything about what happened. It's none of their business, and it's none of yours. What happened was between me and Angelus, not you, Angel. Just leave it alone."
Angel heard Willow hang up, then slammed down the phone. Did she really believe that he could just 'forget'? Those memories had been dominating his thoughts for weeks. He had to know what happened. And Willow would tell him, whether she wanted to or not. Because Angelus was a part of him, and he had a right to know everything he'd done.
As Angel crawled back into bed, he thought about what he'd say when he confronted Willow. The one thing he wouldn't allow himself to think about yet, was what his feelings were about what happened. He wasn't prepared to face that question yet. First, he needed to know how Angelus and Willow had gotten involved in the first place.
And as soon as the night fell, he would confront Willow face to face. She had been Angelus' lover, and had kept it quiet from everyone. Now, he needed to find out the truth.
The End
read the sequal 'Explanations'