Author: Diana C. (dianac05@usa.net)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Joss Whedon
Distribution: ARITS, FAS, Diana C's Fiction, Willow's Heart and anyone just ask.
Feedback: Yes please (more than ever)
Author's Notes: I wrote another one. I'm in another mood (I hope people
will
write a sequel) I couldn't write one. It ended up being sad and a Prequel.
This is like a letter, it reads like one, or like your talking to yourself.
It's suppose to be Willow, but at the same time it is "my" feelings.
what I
use to think, what I sometimes do think when I'm alone at nights and
can't
fall asleep. I hope this is inspirational.
Dedication: To Everyone who feels this way. your not alone, because
I've dealt
with these feelings too, it's the emptiness deep inside you and I just
want
you do know that we all feel it, and your not weird or stupid because
of it.
Dark Clouds on the Horizon. I can't see beyond it. I'm behind a mirror;
I'm on
the outside looking in. Does anyone feel that way? Am I the only one
that gets
that way? It feels like a sharp dagger entering your heart, piercing
it,
hurting it. My insides are twisting, and it hurts so much.
I don't know how
to hold on, but yet I still do, why do I live when I don't want to
live at the
same time. I'm a constant contradiction to myself, and to others.
I say one
thing to cheer up my friends, but can't seem to take my own advice
on my life.
Despair, loneliness, self-pity, all of which I wish I didn't have.
I'm
selfish, and I'm appalled at my thoughts. I don't deserve to
feel sorry for
myself, and that makes me even sorrier. Oh why is life so hard!? Everything
inside and outside seems beyond me, beyond my reach. I want to
live; yet I
want to die. Does it get better? Please help me. I'm drowning,
I can't swim,
it hurts, and oh it hurts. No one loves me, I am alone, the World
is cruel,
and I know I will grow old alone. I'm a coward, I wish to die,
but I am
afraid, afraid to be nothing, yet I want sometimes that, and I'm also
afraid
that I'll be condemned to hell, and I don't want to live there.
I don't know
which way to turn. Sometimes I'll be happy, sometimes I'll be sad.
I can hear
the whispers. the whispers like in high school, behind my back.
There saying
things, I know it. they have to, because I'm unlovable and I'm just
me, how
could anyone like me? I'm ugly, and I'm plain. Can anyone hear
me? Can anyone
see me? I'm afraid. I've been alone so long, it hurts to think that
someone
might help, yet I strive and cling on to the hope that maybe one day
my savior
will come. How can someone be so two-sided? I'm so stupid. I
hate myself. How
could anyone love me, if I don't even like me. the saying goes, "Other's
will
love you when you love yourself." I try but I don't see it. I
look in the
mirror, and I see me, just me. How could I be beautiful? I'm
not my friends.
I'm not Drusilla or Buffy, Cordelia, or even Anya! Xander didn't
even like
me. Spike makes fun of me and hates the gang. Oz cheated
on me, I'm not
surprised.. I don't blame him. After being with me so long, who wouldn't
cheat
on me? I'm surprised he didn't run away sooner. Why can't I be
pretty. why
can't I be loved? I just want to feel whole. Will anyone help
me please?
-Willow-
read the sequal 'The Emptiness Inside of Me'