Disclaimer: A Sequel to Anya's Gone. The Characters mentioned and named in this story are the property of J. Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Warner Bros..etc, etc. No infringement is intended.
"Nooooooooooo!"
Willow Rosenburg sat straight up in her bed, trembling and sobbing as the ghastly images still hung about her. The door to her room crashed open as a frantic Angel came in expecting some sort of danger. He only saw a terrified Willow, now rocking back and forth in her bed, as she tried to blot out the nightmare which had made her cry out loud. He came immediately to her side.
"It's alright. It was just a nightmare," Angel whispered to her as if to trying to sooth a child. He stroked her hair and kept saying it over and over again until Willow, as if suddenly hearing him for the first time, sobbed brokenly, "But its not just a nightmare. It's real, Angel. I'm a vampire and-and...oh God."
Angel had no reply. He could only hold Willow and wait until her heartbreaking sobs had quieted. Finally after a long while, she pulled back. Angel dried the tears from her face. Looking up at him, Willow thanked him shyly.
"Do you want me to stay until you get back to sleep?" Angel asked softly.
"I don't think sleep is in my immediate future," she muttered then hesitated, "The nightmares, Angel, they're getting worse and worse. I-I don't want to be alone. Please. Stay?"
Taking a glance at her upturned face and seeing the dark shadows that looked like bruises under her eyes, Angel said, "Its still hours until sunset, why don't you try and rest a little bit more." Angel dragged an uncomfortable looking chair next to her bedside. He pulled the coverlet over her, tucking her back into bed and said, "Close your eyes. I'll be right here." He then took her small hand in his own.
Less than a week ago they had left Sunnydale and had come to Rome. Ever since they had arrived, Angel knew that Willow struggled with nightmares, but this was the first time she had cried out. The scream that had awoken him tonight would have frozen his blood if he weren't already a vampire.
Angel kept his vigil long after Willow, who despite herself, fell back into an exhausted sleep. He was wrapped deep in bleak thoughts. He contemplated the last two weeks and felt the terrible sorrow over what had happened wash over him again.
Things had been very quiet in Sunnydale after Buffy had defeated the Master. Buffy and Xander took the lull of activity as an opportunity for summer vacations while Willow stayed in the relative peacefulness of a "Master-free" Sunnydale. Even Angel had relaxed his guard a little. But in one summer night everything changed. Giles had been frantic when it was discovered that Willow was missing. He had immediately called Angel to help, and Angel had discovered that Willow had been taken by vampires to the Anointed One.
< I took too long to find her. Too damn long! > Angel thought grimly. Still holding on to Willow's sleeping hand, he tightened his grip a little as he thought about what he had seen when he found her. Because when he had reached the underground caverns of the Anointed One to rescue her, he had stood frozen for a moment in horror at what had been done to Willow. But he had managed to get her out of that hellhole and brought her to the library. Giles, upon seeing Willow's limp and unconscious form, went to call an ambulance.
"She's not going to need an ambulance." Angel had told him with intense regret.
"What on earth are you talking about! Look at her, she's...she's...look at her!" Giles had sputtered as he gazed at Willow's broken body.
"Giles, I don't know how to say it. But...she's been changed."
"Changed, what are you...?" An abrupt, complete silence had filled the room. Almost uncomprehending Giles had gaped at him, then shook his head in fierce denial, "It can't be! No."
Angel couldn't deny what his vampire senses told him. Yet he also knew that this was no ordinary change. Something was different. When Willow regained consciousness, she told them what had happened. Both Angel and Giles knew Willow glossed over the most gruesome parts. Colin had her captured. He had tortured her. She remembered him feeding from her and trying to force her to become a vampire, but she knew that she would rather die. And she had told him that.
Colin had just laughed evilly and said that he would make a vampire that the slayer could never slay. As he drained her she had fought with all her strength, but ultimately there was nothing she could do to prevent the artificial injection of vampire blood into her stomach. Then there was nothing until she woke up in the library.
Colin had managed to get his way, despite the fact Willow had not voluntarily accepted the blood. But the changes that took place in Willow were slow, unlike anything either Angel or Giles had ever heard of before. It was obvious that she still retained her soul. In important ways was different from other vampires; nevertheless, more and more she was taking on bloodlust. As he and Giles had frantically searched in vain for a way to reverse what had been done to her, Willow became determined to kill herself rather than let the demon lurking inside consume her soul entirely. Angel thanked whatever being was out there, that he had been in time to stop her.
It had taken all their desperate persuasion to convince Willow to not give up. Angel felt there had to be a way to keep Willow from losing her soul. If he could regain his soul, there would be a way to anchor hers. The strength of his arguments swayed Willow. It was then that they tried to figure out where they would go. More than anything else, Willow had been adamant in leaving Sunnydale. She knew that just disappearing and letting them think the worst would hurt Xander and Buffy, but she felt the truth would hurt them even more. And she wouldn't, couldn't face them.
Angel decided that he would be the one to leave with her. There was no arguing with him. He was the best person to help her deal with all of this. While he hadn't been able to prevent Willow from being hurt, he vowed to be there for her through this. Even if that meant that he would have to leave Sunnydale. Leave Buffy.
Leaving Buffy had been painful. He hadn't even gotten a chance to say good bye. Angel's darkly handsome face grimaced. He tried to convince himself that it could never have worked out between them anyway. He was a vampire and she was the slayer! Nevertheless, it was in contemplation of the beautiful face and golden hair of the Slayer, that sleep finally claimed Angel.
*~*~*~*
Willow awoke with the now innate sense that told her it was past sundown. Although the sun was not deadly to Willow, she had started keeping vampire hours with Angel. Blinking she looked over at Angel who, still holding her hand, was sitting asleep in the chair next to her bed. Willow was a bit embarrassed by her weakness in practically begging him to stay with her, but she hadn't dreamed again and she felt it had something to do with his comforting presence. She looked at their intertwined hands.
< I would never have thought in the pre-vampire days...ugh I may as well have official PV and AV timelines, kinda like BC and AD. Well anyway, I would never have thought that Angel fell under the category comforting. I can hardly believe that he had been so intimidating to me before. >
She looked up again and saw that Angel had awakened and was looking at her as if to gauge how she was feeling. She blushed and withdrew her hand from his.
"Did you sleep alright?" he asked.
"Oh, much better thanks. Um, did you sleep alright?" Willow asked seeing him grimace a little as he unfolded himself from the chair.
Angel stopped and lying straight-faced said, "Like a baby."
Willow raised her eyebrows to let him know that he wasn't fooling anybody, but she was too grateful for his staying with her to actually call him on it.
"Why don't you take the shower first," Angel suggested.
Willow was suddenly conscious of the fact that they were in her bedroom, she was in her bed and Angel, gulp, was only in black silk pajama bottoms...< I really must have been far gone earlier not to have even noticed that! Doesn't he have anything that isn't in black? > she thought wildly. Aloud she only said, "Sure." Willow didn't trust herself at the moment with any thing more verbal than that.
"I got a positive lead on Brother Lugo," Angel told her after they both had gotten ready for the evening ahead.
Brother Lugo, the man they were seeking, was a fairly mysterious figure. Willow, in her capacity as hacker extraordinaire, had gathered what information she could, but they still knew very little of him. Nevertheless, he seemed to know a great deal about the Anointed One and the prophecies that had surrounded the Master's attempt to open the Hellmouth. Ms. Calendar had received messages from him months before, when Buffy had gone to fight the Master. He had sent out global warnings of doom from Cortona before going underground. Brother Lugo seemed to have more information on the Anointed One than even Giles. So perhaps he might have more information about what Colin had done to her. Help them undo it. She only prayed he could. So since Cortona was the last place from which he had been heard, Angel and Willow decided to begin tracking him down from Rome, which wasn't far from there.
"Where is he?" Willow asked with a little nervous anticipation.
"Right here in Rome." Angel hesitated, but then asked, "You coming with me tonight?"
Willow sighed, "Its time for me to quit hiding or I'll go into a permanent state of hibernation." It would be the first night out for Willow in Rome. In the few days that they had been in Rome, Angel had told her that it was for the best that he scout things out while she gather information on the computer. But the truth was, he knew Willow had been unwilling to go out. She didn't know if she trusted herself to keep from acting on the urges that plagued her now.
Angel made sure that they drank some of their 'supplies' before going out. It made Willow sick at heart to realize that this was a necessity for her now. She drank the lukewarm blood quickly and tried to ignore the sensations that called out for blood, human blood that pulsed with warmth.
< How has Angel managed to ignore these sensations for so long? > she wondered. < He had been a real blood-sucking vampire at one point. He knows what it was to fulfill this urge. But since he got his soul back he knows the consequence of drinking from a person is guilt. Guilt and self-control were the only thing that keeps him in check. Can I rely on those thing to keep me from my demon? > These were the thought that occupied Willow as they headed out.
They found the small monastery where it was reported that Brother Lugo was staying in Rome. Unfortunately the monk lived there so it was a home and they could not enter unless invited. Since that eventuality seemed highly doubtful, it appeared that they would have to wait for him to come out.
As the night passed and it got closer to dawn, Angel said frustrated, "I guess he won't be coming out tonight. It'll have to be tomorrow night. At least we know where he is."
"Angel, he's a monk. Maybe he doesn't have too much of a nightlife. Wouldn't it make sense for me to stay and wait until he comes out in the morning? I can stay here until then. He'll be more receptive if he sees me in sunlight anyway. I mean, he certainly won't jump to conclusions and freak," Willow reasoned.
"I don't like it. I'd have to leave you alone." Angel scowled.
Willow tried to smile bravely. "You can't always be with me. I'll have to face things alone sometimes. This'll just be the first."
"You're right. Angel said finally, although his face showed that he still didn't like it. "I'm just overprotective I guess."
After discussing a few things, he left and Willow stood at the stakeout spot. After little more than an hour, she watched as the sun rose over the buildings and the lure of early morning sunbeams made her walk toward the middle of the piazza. She basked unharmed in the sun's rays. It was the first time in over a week that she had felt sunlight on her face. She gave a small prayer of thanks that even though she was a vampire, she could still experience the warmth of daylight. By the time the sun was high over head and the piazza had begun to fill with people, Willow sighted the man known as Brother Lugo coming out from the monastery.
< O.K. Time to go to work. > She swiftly stepped in front of him. "Brother Lugo?"
"Yes. How do you know my name?" he asked curiously.
"I've come because I need your help," Willow said ignoring his question, "It's vital that I speak with you, but we can't discuss it here." She said this last part looking pointedly around at the other people nearby. "Come to St. Teresa de Laterno this evening at 10 o'clock." At his doubtful look she added, "Its about vampires and the Anointed One, Brother Lugo."
"I see." He nodded his head in acquiescence but his keen eyes widened to showed his surprise and wariness.
Willow nodded back and turned to walk away. She thought wryly as she vanished into a crowd of people, < Gee, Angel better watch out. I might become as good as he is at being cryptic. >
Part 2
As Willow and Angel entered the church, Willow wondered, < Did Angel deliberately pick this church for its atmosphere? > They had chosen a church as a meeting place for Brother Lugo to put the monk more at ease, but Willow had to keep herself from giggling in nervous laughter. < Talk about gothic! >
It was a cavernous church and the massive interior was only kept from being in complete darkness by the flickering glow of a thousand candles. The stone pillars and columns seemed to tower from the floor in a never-ending ascension up through the impenetrable shadows of the ceiling. The church emanated an aura of sanctity and grave majesty.
Angel grew restless, all the crosses nearby were making him uneasy. Willow wasn't so troubled, but then again she hadn't had time to test how crosses and holy water effected her. Besides finding out if her flesh burned when coming into contact with those things just wasn't particularly high on her list of things to do. Up to this point she had optimistically hoped that she was as unaffected by them as she was by sunlight.
But now waiting in the shadows of the church, Willow thought about it and on impulse she dipped her pinky finger into a nearby well of holy water. She hissed in pain as it burned her and snatched her finger out. < Well, there goes my optimism. >
Angel nudged her, "At least now we know you can't play with holy water."
"Perfect. But next time I think to do a little experiment, oh...say with crosses, or garlic stop me," she shot back grimacing.
They stopped their banter abruptly then as the echo of footsteps announced that someone had entered the church.
Brother Lugo stepped cautiously into the church and for the twentieth time was unsure if he had made the right decision in coming here. The girl who told him to come here was a mysterious figure and he wasn't sure that he trusted that. He felt there was something strange about her, something he couldn't quite place his finger on.
< But she knows about the Anointed One. That's why I came. She seems so young to be aware of such great evils. > Brother Lugo himself understood a great deal about the powers of darkness that lay under the surface of the everyday world. He knew of things that most people put down as horror stories put out by fertile imaginations. He knew of demons and vampires.
Willow and Angel stepped out from the deep shadows of an alcove.
"Brother Lugo," Willow called out softly.
"Yes? I have come as you asked." The monk walked toward them. "Tell me, who are you?" he demanded.
"My name is Willow and this," she motioned to her companion, "is Angel. We've come to Rome to find you. To ask you for your help."
"You said that this morning. How do you think I may help you?" the monk asked quizzically.
"We come from Sunnydale, California - the Hellmouth." Willow paused and looked up at Angel for support, then back at the monk. "Two weeks ago I was c-captured by the Anointed One. He tried to turn me into one of them. Into a vampire."
"What?" Brother Lugo's eyes widened.
"In a way, he succeeded," she continued.
"Y-Y-You-You're both vampires?" Willow nodded not wanting to scare him, but Brother Lugo looked at Angel and Willow now with fear and started to back away putting his cross out in front of him. "I saw you in daylight! No vampire can do that...none that I know of. How is that possible?"
"You can keep that out if it makes you feel any better, but we're not going to hurt you," Angel said calmly.
"Please, listen. We are different from other vampires," Willow tried to make him understand.
"Different? There is no half measure in becoming a vampire," Brother Lugo spat out.
"But we're not demons! We still have our souls." Willow blurted out.
"Why would I believe you, much less help you?" the monk asked incredulously.
Willow rushed to fill in all of the details of what had happened to her. Explaining why they had sought him out.
After listening intently if not skeptically, Brother Lugo asked, "And you," motioning to Angel, "you have a soul as well? You were FRIENDS with the Slayer?" He was completely bewildered by all of this.
"Do you believe us?" Willow questioned, her eyes shining with all the sincerity of her soul.
"I don't know." Brother Lugo's mind spun. Despite his better judgement there was something about Willow and Angel that convinced him. Both exuded an unconscious humanity in their desperation for him to believe them. "I...yes, I do believe you."
Relief spread across both their faces and Willow asked, "Then you'll help me?"
"There is nothing that can change a person back from being a vampire. I don't even know if its in my power to anchor your soul, Willow." At her downcast face he added, "But I have many resources. I will check them to try and help you. As for the Rom, whom you spoke of as another possible source of help." Brother Lugo shook his head, "The Rom will not help you or do you any favors. They are ones to hold grudges for generations. I would not go to them unless you want a stake in the heart."
He gave Willow what seemed a pitying look, "They did not curse Angelus without understanding what torment he would go through as a vampire with a soul."
*~*~*~*
The warm night air felt like a balm to Willow's battered soul. She felt calm and undisturbed here. She drifted silently along, wandering aimlessly down a strange road. Suddenly the ground seemed to open up beneath her feet. She fell, but it seemed as if she were in slow motion. Nevertheless, she landed jarringly onto what seemed to be the floor of a cavern. The cavern glowed in a fiendish, red light and it seemed familiar somehow, as if she had been here once before.
Willow trembled.
Suddenly she heard screams and wanted to run away desperately from the sound until she realized the screams she had heard were her own.
She must have blacked out because the next thing she knew, she was lying on the same road she had started out on. Willow felt strange, disoriented and different somehow. She got up though and started walking again. Willow could see where she was and could feel her body, but she had no control. In fact, she felt separated from her body. She seemed to be going on instinct. She didn't understand what was happening to her.
She found herself honing in on a man, coming up behind him. Almost as if in third person, Willow watched herself helplessly as bloodlust overcame her and she attacked him. She couldn't see his face, but she was bent entirely on obeying a primal need as her eyeteeth elongated. She sank her fangs into the man's neck, relishing the taste of the blood.
As she finished draining him, she heard laughter behind her. It was triumphal and completely evil. Willow whirled around and saw that it was the Anointed One laughing. At his feet was Buffy, lying murdered at his feet. Buffy's dead eyes were opened and they seemed to stare accusingly at Willow.
With the limp body of the man still in her deadly embrace, Willow shrank back in dread. Slowly she finally looked at the features of the man she held in her arms. Her face blanched even more if possible when she actually saw his face. It was Xander. < No! Oh please no, Xander, not you! >
As she looked in absolute horror, Xander whispered dying, "Willow, why?"
The Anointed One's laughter grew more maniacal. Suddenly Xander's body wasn't slumped in her arms anymore, he gained strength, his eyes glowed red and as he took on the visage of a vampire. Xander inquired with grotesque calm, "Why did you make me into a vampire?"
"Noooo!" Willow screamed from the depths of her soul. She woke shaking and sobbing
Unable or unwilling to sleep after coming home from her stakeout, Willow had not slept at all the previous day. So today, worn out and dispirited after the meeting with Brother Lugo, Willow had fallen asleep immediately. With sleep came her darkest nightmares.
As she tried to erase the image of Xander as a vampire from her mind, Angel came in. This time knowing what to expect, he went directly to her side. But unlike last time Willow couldn't seemed to be comforted. Her sobs increased and she was unable to stop. Angel picked up her slim body and cradled her like a small child.
"I can't do this anymore. It's too hard." She sobbed against his chest.
"No. Listen to me Willow." He forced her chin upward to face him. "I don't know one person in a million that could have endured this better than you have. You are much too strong to let this beat you. I know you're scared, but don't give up."
"It doesn't matter. You heard Brother Lugo, even if I do keep my soul, I-I'll still be a-a vampire." Tears streamed down her ivory pale cheeks as she spoke these last words in utter desolation.
"It does matter." Angel said quietly. "I know what it's like. I understand and I may be the only one who would understand."
"God, how have you managed to do t-this for so long?" Willow whimpered.
"When I first got my soul back I felt exactly like you do now. Scared. Angry. Only..." He hung his head and his whole body tensed with the remembered suffering.
Even now Willow was able to look beyond her own misery and understand. "You didn't have anyone, not like I have you." Her voice extended a sympathy that held deep awareness of her debt to him.
It was Angel's turn to look away. "There was that, but that wasn't the worst of it. I had this incredible guilt for all the things I had done. I still do. All the lives that I took. I deserved to be alone for that."
Willow pulled back and shook her head in vehement denial, but he continued, "I almost went insane. Thank god you don't have to deal with that and never will," he said fervently.
"How do you know that, Angel? I feel it waiting to take over, waiting for me to be weak. I could hurt someone. Someone I love even," she said. Her expressive eyes were alive with horror at the memory of Xander and Buffy in her nightmare.
"Is that what your dreams are about?" Angel asked tentatively.
She gave a tiny nod and another tear slipped down her face. Angel silently brushed away the tear streaks.
Angel never really knew how it came about. Maybe it was in his attempt to let her know that she wasn't alone in her fears, but he found himself confiding in her. He talked about those first years when he had regained his soul, his attempts to redeem himself and his own worst fears. He spoke more about these things than he had ever done with anyone before.
Listening, Willow wished she could wipe out all those impossibly lonely years he must have suffered. And in the face of his unadulterated honesty, she found that she could do no less than open up to him as well.
The words once begun, flowed out of her. And for both of them it was almost a relief to speak aloud the words that haunted and rattled about in their minds like ghosts needing to be exorcised. Each found comfort in the knowledge that they were not alone in their mutual struggles.
Neither knew how long they stayed up talking like this, but finally drifting off to sleep Willow sighed, "Stay..." and then she was asleep.
Angel looked down at the girl in his arms. She lay there so trustingly. Willow was a sweet, innocent person who didn't deserve this fate. Angel had always imagined that he would have to endure complete isolation as the most unnatural of unnatural beings - a vampire with a soul. Now there was Willow, and it was as if she were a kindred sister. He was no longer the only one.
Yet Angel would have given anything to give Willow
her old life. But they would find a way. HE would find a way, to protect
her. He shifted slightly as to get more comfortable and brought the covers
of her bed around them as he too proceeded to fall asleep.