E-MAIL: trekchic@usa.net or SlayerSere@aol.com
   SUMMARY: Willow helps Angel get his soul back,  making her life all the more complicated.
   DIST/ARCHIVE: Ask and you shalt receive!
   DISCLAIMER: Willow, Angel, Amy Madison, Buffy, Xander, Giles and everyone else
   don't belong to me, they belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. No, really, they do...
   AUTHOR'S NOTE: The title of this story comes from lyrics from the Elton John song, "The One"

His vision blurred.

The first thing he noticed was the immense pain in his side. Next came the even greater pain in his chest. He gritted his teeth.

The old, familiar ache was back.

Blinking to clear his sight, he tried to sit up, but felt something restraining his arms and legs.
He struggled weakly against his bounds but knew it was futile. Then the inevitable happened.

He started to cry.

Leaning back against the hard wooden surface, he proceeded to sob helplessly, drowning in the
frighteningly vivid memories which were both his own and utterly foreign at the same time.

His bindings were rapidly loosened and he lifted his head.

"A-angel?"

The meekness of the question only worsened his pain. Blinking again to clear the tears from his eyes, he tried to get a good look at his capture. The figure was blurry and completely indistinguishable except for one thing.

Red.

"A-are you okay?"

The blur took a step closer and suddenly he realized he hadn't answered her first question. Pulling himself up into a seated position, he flinched slightly when she retreated a few steps.

"Willow? It's...it's me...."

He heard her let out a strange little gasping sound, almost like a choked sob. Her reaction was enough to send him into tears all over again. He buried his face in his hands in embarassment.

"Oh Angel!"

She leaped onto the table with him, hugging him fiercely while they both cried.

"Angel, you're back, you're back..." she murmured repeatedly while rocking him soothingly back and forth.

He shook his head again trying to get away.

It was terrible. The visions of how he'd attacked Willow. The bloodlust. The way he'd gripped her neck with every intention of draining her.

He remebered  how he'd pursued Ms. Calendar...the adrenaline thrill it gave him to see the terror in her eyes...the snap her neck made when it broke. He could recall the smell of her cool skin as he laid her out on Giles' bed and the feel of the roses he scattered on the watcher's floor. But most vividly, he recalled the look of pain and betrayal in Buffy's eyes as she fought him. He'd never forget how thin and pale she was when she was in the hospital and how he'd had every intention of using that against her. It made him sick. They'd never forgive him. Never speak to him again.

Not that he could blame them.

"Willow..I-I'm so sorry...I-I..Jenny..she's..Oh God, I have to get out of here..."
pushing her away gently, he tried to wipe the tears away and limped towards the door.

"Angel! No, Angel, it's almost daylight, you can't go home through there!" she pounced off the table and ran to follow him.

"I know," his voice sounded harsh and rough.

Not quite comprehending, she opened her mouth to respond but suddenly the truth hit her.
'He knew'? He WANTED to die? The realization was slow and odd. He intended to commit suicide. A numb sensation invaded her body as she. He was going to purposefully go out into the sunlight one last time and kill himself. How..sad. How..poetic. How....stupid. It was then that something strange happened.

She got mad.

"What?!"

He jumped slightly at her high pitched shriek.

"You WHAT?!"

He was somewhat taken aback by her reaction.

"I just spent the last five hours anchoring your soul to your body and you WHAT?"

"Willow, please, just let me g-,"

"I don't THINK so," suddenly, she was on a roll. She was furious and tired, not to mention injured both emotionally as well as physically. And she was not going to take it any more. "Do NOT make me forcibly knock you out and drag you back to your apartment, Angel," she put her hands on her hips in classic Cordelia style, " I am NOT going to let you die, do you hear me? Do you have any idea what I went through to get you here?"

Unfortunately, he did. He knew only too well. "Willo-,"

"Angel, you have to FIGHT! Are you listening to me?"

Willow Rosenberg: motivational speaker, that's who she was.

"Buffy needs you! We all need you, w-what happened these past few weeks, that wasn't you," she tried to reason with him, "That was something else, some horrible thing which is never coming back. I made sure of that, and I'm not letting you waste this, Angel, I-I'm just not..." Her voice broke towards the end but she managed to keep her eyes hard and demanding. Without the involuntary trembling of her chin, it might have actually been convincing.

He shook his head in a show of resignation. He was tired. So very, very tired, "Willow, it's for the best, please, try and understand." With that he turned towards the door and walked out into the hall.

Without even thinking she bounded out after him and leaped into the air, tackling him from behind.

"Wi-, OW!" he shouted as she grabbed two fistfuls of his hair and pulled him down to the ground with her.

"You are NOT leaving here, got it?" she growled through clenched teeth.

He stared up on her in shock. What had happened to the meek, shy, passive girl he had known mere weeks before? Little Willow Rosenberg had seriously grown up on those past few weeks. Thanks, in a large part, to him. This fact put him in a very awkward and troubled position.

And he knew it.

So there they were, with her hovering breathlessly above and him lying flat on his back below. They stared at eachother unwaveringly as a true battle of wills took place. She bit her lip in frustration and narrowed her eyes for effect. He kept his face completely blank except for the occasional wince when she readjusted her grip on his hair.

Neither could help but wonder exactly how they'd gotten into this postion to begin with...

Her lungs felt like they were going to spontaneously combust.

She rounded yet another corner, slipping slightly on the polished linoleum as she raced for the
red sign marked exit. That sign was her only hope.

"Wiiiiiilloooowww????"

She was stupid to have tried this alone, she knew that now. She had been especially naive to think he wouldn't sense what she was doing and come after her.

"Wiiiillow? Ooooh Wiiiiiiillllooooowwww...come out come out wherever you are..."

The pure evil inherent in his voice caused shivers to run up her spine.

"Aw, come on, Wills, come out and play."

His voice sounded so close. Gasping, she urged her legs onwards, terrified out of her mind. She was completely defenseless ever since the scuffle in the library which preceeded her hasty exit. During it, he'd caused her to drop her cross and stake.

She rapidly approached the doors. Reaching, she slammed into the metal bar, shoving it in with all her might, praying for it to give. It stuck fast.

< Locked. Oh no...locked...oh God... > Tears filling her eyes, she turned just in time to see him launch right into her, a satisfied snarl on his game face.

She shrieked and ducked, somehow managing to dodge his body as it hit the door full force, denting it. She rapidly crawled past him and took off running  the way she'd come. She heard him grunt as he picked himself up and raced after her.

"Naughty, naughty, naughty...."

Squeezing her eyes shut, she raced through the blackness, willing that awful voice away. < I wonder if this is what Ms. Calendar felt just before he killed her... >

She'd give anything to see Buffy standing at the end of the darkened hallway, stake in hand, poised and ready to kill. But that wasn't going to happen. Buffy was gone, out of town for the weekend. Neither Giles nor Xander knew she was here. And there wasn't any chance that they'd happen upon her or even wonder where she was. Giles was at a Watcher's meeting and Xander was out with Cordelia. At the time, the fact that she'd be alone made this night seem perfect to attempt the ritual. Now she knew it had been complete stupidity on her part. He had found out somehow. He'd most likely felt the soul preparing to re-enter. It didn't take a genius to figure out who was responsible or where they'd be. Nevertheless, he'd caught her completely off guard, especially because she'd been so close..so very close to completeing the ritual. Just a few more seconds and she'd have finished it.

And none of this would be happening.

"Aw, c'mon Wills, you've gotta play NICE," on that final word he pounced, knocking her off her feet.

Survival instince kicked in fiercely and she shoved him away with all her strength, while turning and pushing  herself upwards on her hands and knees, her feet scrambling to get a firm grip on the floor.

"Nope, Willow, I think that's a bad idea."

Calmly, he reached out and grabbed her long red hair, dragging her down. She screamed repeatedly and he flipped her over easily, straddling her hips.

"Tsk tsk tsk, Willow, you've really gotta stop (bang) doing (bang) that (bang)."

To accentuate each word, he slammed her head into the floor, causing her vision to grow foggy. He stared at her thoughtfully before smiling again.

"Ya know," he began conversationally, "I've been pretty lonely since Darla, and well, Dru, in case you hadn't noticed, is a bit of a..how shall I put this?" he paused, pretending to look for the right word, "nutball." He shot her a charming smile, "So, I was wondering, Willow. How would you feel about keeping me company for the next couple of centuries?"

She moaned weakly.

"Good!" he leaned in closer to her, "Cause I have a real thing for red-heads," he murmured seductively into her ear.

Her eyes widened and she struggled against him again.

"Aw, c-mon," he started laughing, "it'll be f-,"

She spit in his face.

His eyes immediately darkened and he pinned her arms down harshly on either side of her head, immediately cutting off circulation at her wrists.

"Or I could just kill you, you little bitch, it's your choice," he snarled angrily

"A-angel, please," she gazed at him fearfully, "I know you're in there....please Angel, fight this..."

Angelus just smiled wider, "Yeah, keep trying, you stup-," suddenly, his smile froze and he squeezed his eyes shut, as if in pain.

"N-no...NO.." he howled in anger. His face shifted back to human and he looked up at her.

"Willow? Is that you?" he asked cautiously in clear eyed confusion, "Willow, what's going on?"

"Angel?" she gasped.

"Nope, just kidding," he burst out laughing and his face shifted back to its boney grimace. He backhanded her viciously, splitting her lip and causing it to bleed painfully, "God, Willow, for one of the "smart" kids, you're really really dumb."

"Bastard!!" she shouted at the top of her lungs in pure frustration.

"My goodness!! Such language!" Angelus stared at her in mock-horror before laughing again.

That did it.

She forced herself to meet his gaze boldly, and began to calm her irregular breathing. She was as good as dead, provided he didn't turn her into a vampire. She knew that. But it was odd how different people confront death. It felt like all the terror had ebbed out of her body in these last few seconds as she gazed at him with silent, calm fury. She felt numb but resigned to her fate. And she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her squirm anymore.

"Go ahead, Angelus. I'm ready."

He furrowed his brow and looked at her, first in surprise and then in disappointment, "Aww, but now you're not playing the game..."

"Sorry," she muttered darkly.

"Oh, well, that's okay. The games over anyway..." with that, he leaned over, fangs bared, "Welcome to eternity, Willow...."

"Get away from her you jerk!"

Both predator and prey snapped up to stare at the unexpected intruder.

Angelus frowned as he took in the slender, blond teenager, totally unimpressed, "Who the hell are you?"

< Amy?! > Willow's mind was completely in turmoil < What on earth?? >

She smiled at him, her normally green eyes glowing a soft white, "Get off of her, asshole."

Angelus smiled back, recognition flickering over his features, "Oh yes, now I remember, you're Sabrina the Teenage Witch, right? With the psycho mom...yeah. Look, hon, tell ya what, I'll finish here and then we can play together. I'll even give you a head start," he nodded at her charitably, "Go on now. Shoo."

Amy silently cocked her head to one side.

He turned his attention back to Willow, "Now, where were we?" he plunged forward again.

She gritted her teeth.

He was an inch away from her neck when a pulse of liquid yellow light hit him from the side, knocking him off of her.

Angelus fell into the wall, slightly stunned. He stared up at the blond girl in shock.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Amy smiled smugly, "I *told* you to get away from her, you arrogant son of a b-,"

Snarling, he picked himself up and leaped. Swiftly, she held her hands out in front, thumbs and forefingers joined to complete a circle. Before he could get within two feet of where she was standing, another pulse of light shot out and hit him square in the head, fiercely knocking him back into the wall. He slowly slid down, unconscious.

Willow almost cried with relief. She pulled herself up on her hands and knees, crawling away from the vampire's prone form.

"Are you alright?" Amy asked, crouching beside her.

"Yes, thanks so much Amy...you have..umm..really good aim...and timing" it was then that the red-head noticed her friend's odd clothing. Her hair was slightly mussed and she was wearing a flannel night shirt over her jeans.

"Umm..aren't you gonna stake him or something, Willow?" she darted a nervous glance at Angelus,
"It's really gonna suck if he wakes up, especially since I-," she stopped suddenly and leaned heavily against the wall for balance.

"Amy? You're shaking..."

"I-I guess I'm just not used to knocking out homicidal vamps, sorry, just give me a second," she shook her head slowly, "It's going to take me at least a week to recharge after this one..."

"Out of curiosity, how did you know I was here?"

"Oh," she took a deep breath and smiled, "Well, this is going to sound really weird..."

"Amy, we live on the Hellmouth, I doubt that."

"I dreamt it."

"Dreamt it? Like, had a vision?"

"Something like that. I was asleep and it was like I was having a nightmare but it was so real. When I woke up, something told me that it *was* real. I just threw some clothes on and raced here as fast as I could."

Willow nodded thoughtfully.

"Nothing like this has ever happened before either," Amy continued, "It was very strange, it felt almost like I was here, watching you get chased."

"Well, you've obviously gotten pretty powerful these past few months, maybe that has something to do with it."

"Yes, my power does seem to grow as I get older, only it's still limited. If I over-exert myself doing something," she glanced at Angelus, "It takes me awhile to get back up to full strength."

"You should really consider talking to Giles about this. Actually, I've been doing some extremely fascinating research on Techno-paganism and I've found some stuff you might be interested in," she broke off from her blissful chatter when Angelus groaned softly, "actually, we should probably do something about *him* first."

Slowly, Willow stood and walked over to the vampire's body, "We can't kill him, not after I've been trying to save him for so long and especially not after everything he's done for all of us. We need to get him back the library somehow."

"What are you going to do?"

"Anchor his soul to his body. Permanently."

"ALONE?!"

"Well, yes, unless you're interested in helping out."

Amy sighed softly," Hey, why not? It's only a school night. I only have an exam tomorrow at 8am," she rolled her eyes but grinned, "Besides, sleep is highly overrated."

Willow smiled and turned her attention back to Angel's tall, well-muscled form, "I..uhh...don't suppose you have enough power left to 'zap' us there by any chance?"

Amy shook her head, "I couldn't get him three feet down the hall on what power I have left."

Willow bit her lip in frustration and shrugged. "Well, I guess we'll have to do this the old fashioned way," she reached down and grabbed one of his arms.

The other girl sighed. Grunting, she stood up, walked over and grabbed the other. Carefully, they began to drag the body down the corridor.

"He had SO better appreciate this," she muttured under her breath.

Willow smiled, "Oh, he will, Amy, he will."

"Willow, let go of my hair."

"No."

"Willow, Don't be unreasonable!!!"

"*I'm* being unreasonable?" she spat, "Explain how *I'm* the unreasonable one when
*you're*  the person trying to commit suicide!"

He paused. She had a point.

"Angel, I'll let you go on one condition. You give me your word you won't try and kill yourself."

"I....can't..."

"Fine then. We stay here."

He cursed softly under his breath. He could very easily get away from her, but was taking extra-careful precautions not to hurt anyone. Especially after everything that had happened.

"Willow, you're probably the only person on earth who feels this way, do you realize that? D-do you realize that if Xander or Giles were here, they probably would have staked me hours ag-,"

"They're just mad, Angel, they'll get over it. They'll come to understand that it *wasn't* y-,"

"But it *was* me, Willow. Angelus is Angel. We can't be separated, we can't be differentiated, *never* make the mistake o-,"

"You *are* different, Angel. I don't care what you say. There is a very big difference between
you and Angelus. How can you even imply that there isn't? I can't believe that y-,"

"Willow, I live with the demon every day of my life. You don't know. You don't understand. You can't. That demon is an inextricable part of who I a-,"

"*Angel* is in control of the demon. Angelus is not. There's your difference. Don't argue this with me Angel, you're gonna lo-,"

"It isn't a question of winning or losing, Willow. This is for the best. My dying will end the misery I've inflicted on ev-,"

"*Angelus* inflicted-,"

"*I* inflicted!!! If I die now, Giles, Xander, Buffy and you can live on in peace. Do you have any idea how much pain it'll cause Buffy if I just come sauntering back into her life? As if I haven't hurt her enough that she has to live with this additional burden? Things can never be the same between us. And my even existing will always be this awful unspoken request for us to be together. I can't do that to her. I can't cause her that kind of stre-,"

"Oh, so killing yourself is the better option?" She was furious,"you think that if Buffy finds out that I restored your soul and then you commited suicide that THAT wouldn't kill her even more? Do you realize how much your death will haunt her for the rest of her lif-"

"Please, let me die in peace. I can't face everyone after what I've done, especially Buf-,"

"Don't be such a coward, Angel," she whispered coldly.

Her final words left him speechless. Incredible rage built up within him and he growled dangerously. Shifting, he prepared to break her hold and to end this childishness once and for all.

It was then that she took that opportunity to scare the living daylights out of him.

He watched in horror as her face suddenly crumpled, "I'm sorry, Angel. I-I didn't mean that."

He blinked as her unexpectedly warm tears began to fall on his forehead.

She let go of his hair, drawing away slightly.

"I just..I-I just know I can't  *force* you to stay. I'm not Buffy and I'm not a slayer and I'm not strong. I'm just me. And I know that's not alot and I know that's not nearly enough but..It's just that...it's just that it's been so scary and lonely without you here, Angel. Buffy's been so sad and she's been isolating herself from everyone and ever since Xander and Cordelia started dating..I-I've been so alone. And I never realized how much I missed you until you came back and now you want to go again and I don't know what to do."

In one split second, she had gone from an angry, demanding force to be reckoned with, to a frightened, vulnerable 16-year old who was gawky, lonely, and felt completely out of place.

Just like him.

And then she did the one thing that would change his mind forever.

"I've missed you so much Angel. Please don't leave me again...please don't leave *us* again. We all need you. I need you."

She stared into his eyes the way that only she could: with such sincerety and innocence that he felt his own heart breaking.

He sat there, staring back at her, still in mild shock. Numbly, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a green silken handkerchief.

She accepted it gratefully and blew her nose.

He never *did* understand women. Even after over 200 years, they somehow always managed to completely shock him at the strangest moments. They had this uncanny ability to constantly keep him guessing. He never quite knew what they were planning on doing nex-

Suddenly, she threw herself into his arms.

He fell back slightly, before recovering his balance. Holding her awkwardly at first, he gradually grew more comfortable with it. It was defintely strange. Not quite the same as holding Buffy when she was upset. Buffy was strong. He always knew she'd snap back, no matter what was thrown at her. She was the slayer. Willow, on the other hand was much more fragile. Easily broken. She'd need someone to protect her. < Someone like me? >

"Angel?"

"Hmm?" he responded absent-mindedly stroking her hair.

"That was really embarassing. I'm sorry." She drew away from him and he could see that although her eyes were still red and somewhat puffy, she was better.

< Hmm..maybe not so fragile after all...> "No, you shouldn't be embarassed by it, Willow. Anyway, this was my fault not yours. I should be the one apologizing," he sighed heavily, "for alot of things."

She sat across from him, staring sliently at her hands.

Dim light was already beginning to filter through the hallway. "Let's get you home."

She looked up in surprise, "D-does that mean that you're staying?"

He managed a weak smile, "Yes, I guess it does."

"OH Angel I could just kiss you now!!" she shouted jubilantly, but quickly blushed when she saw his eyes widen in surprise, "B-but i won't...because those are the kind of urges you..umm..repress.." she finshed meekly.

He smiled kindly to ease her embarassment, "C'mon, let's go, we don't have much time if we want to make it to the boiler room and down to the tunnels."

"Okay, but I need to clean up the library first. If I don't, Giles will know that I-," she clamped her hands over her mouth as if she'd just said something she wasn't supposed to.

"Wait, Giles didn't know you were doing this?"

She considered lying, but quickly dropped that idea, "No," she admitted weakly.

< Well, aren't we just full of surprises? > He furrowed his brow and gave her an odd look before shrugging, "Okay, we'll deal with that later. First, I'll help you clean up and then we'll get out of here," he responded simply.

Willow nodded and breathed a sigh of relief.

They stood and walked back towards the library.

"So," he began conversationally, "Xander and Cordelia, huh?"

"Yeah."

He didn't miss the slightly disappointed and disgusted tone in her voice.

"Wait..I had nothing to do with that, right? I didn't drive them together or something, did I?".

Despite herself, Willow giggled, "No, no you didn't, Angel."

He paused to hold the door open,"Thank goodness."

"Why, what do you think of them as a couple?" she asked, walking past him into the library.

He paused, searching for the right words.

"Um....ew?"

The door slammed shut behind them, slightly masking the gales of laughter which echoed down the empty hall.

 Closing her locker, Willow sighed heavily, closed her eyes and leaned her head against
the cool metal. The last few weeks absolute torture. The sheer burden of what she knew had robbed her of several hours of sleep each night. Today she'd not only fallen asleep in math
class AND in history, but she’d also had to continue to blatantly lie to all of her friends.
She’d almost lost  it a few days ago when Buffy had caught her between classes and asked her if she’d been sleep deprived lately. Faking a sudden allergic reaction, she’d run and hid in the
bathroom until the bell rang. It had been two full weeks since she'd changed Angel. It was hard to believe that she'd been able to keep it a secret for so long. She'd had to basically cut off all connection to her friends in order to manage, < Not that they really noticed. > but she'd done it.
She sighed sadly. Yes, recently her life had been full of guilt and close calls, but she’d somehow managed to emerge reasonably unscathed.

“You look the way I feel.”

Her heart jumped to her throat and her body stiffened. Suddenly, she placed the voice.
< Amy... > Groaning with relief, Willow banged her head lightly against the locker door,
“Tell me about it. Today has been SUCH hell....”

“You still haven’t told them.”

“No, how did you know?”

“I just walked past Buffy and Xander talking. They’re worried about you. They think
you’re avoiding them for some reason..and..well...they’re right.”

Willow turned to regard the young witch and was surprised at the dark glasses covering
her eyes, “Amy, are you okay?”

Amy grinned wryly and leaned against the lockers as well, “Yeah. My eyes are a bit
sensitive to light now for some reason. I’m feeling alot stronger than I expected I would,
so it’s not too bad. Besides, I think the glasses make me look mysterious.” She wiggled
her eyebrows comically and they both erupted into giggles.

Willow sobered up almost immediately, “Amy, how am I going to tell them? They’re
going to kill me. I-I can’t even imagine what Giles will say...especially since I've kept it from
him for so long...” The two girls started
walking along the bright halls towards the front exit.

“Well, Buffy will be happy, right?”

“I’m...not so sure. She and Ms. Calendar were never that close, but the last time they
were together, they were in a pretty bad fight. Buffy felt so guilty when she found out that
Ms. Calendar’d been killed. She’s also very loyal to Giles. I really don’t know how she’ll
react.”

“Well, Willow, what’s done is done. I think you’ll just have to trust them with the truth.”

“Trust who with what truth?”

Both girls jumped about five feet in the air and spun around.

“Oh...Xander,” Willow smiled weakly.

“Hey Wills,” he smiled brightly and then saw her companion, “Oh..hi Amy.” He
immediately dropped his gaze.

For once, Amy was glad that she was wearing her glasses as she rolled her eyes. Xander
had been acting weird around her ever since the whole magic spell incident. < That kid is
so obnoxious, I can’t believe he *still* thinks I want him... > “Well, this is my cue to
leave,” flashing a brilliant smile, she started walking in the opposite direction until she
felt Willow’s hand create a vice grip on her forearm, forcing her to stumble back into
place.

“Umm..N-no...Amy, don’t leave so fast..don't forget that we have to....STUDY yes, study at my
house for that...project we were assigned,” Willow stammered < I am SO bad at
lying!! >. She gritted her teeth and waited a beat hoping that the other girl would pick up on the
story.

“Willow, it’s Friday,” Xander protested, “studying is, like, illegal.”

Amy paused and turned her attention back to a very suspicious looking Xander.

“Well, it’s a pretty big project,” she countered.

“What class?” he challenged.

“History,” Willow blurted before Amy could stop her.

“Wills, I’m in your history class. We didn’t have any project assign-,”

“Well, if you MUST know, Xander,” Amy broke in rudely, “It’s a special project that I
have to complete because..I...,” she lowered her voice for effect, “I haven’t been doing
that well in history...”

This explanation seemed to go much better with the dark-haired boy, “Ooohh. Like, as an
extra-credit kind of thing?”

Amy had to stifle a giggle. He actually looked sympathetic.

“Yes,” Willow rejoined, “And I’ve volunteered to help her to boost my own grade..
G-gotta keep up that GPA, colleges are really competitive these days...”

“Oh, well, Buffy and I were going to the Bronze an-,”

“Nope, can’t make it,” Willow shrugged helplessly and started to walk away, dragging
Amy with her.

“Oh, well then I’ll call you!” he shouted after her as the two girls beat their hasty retreat.

“We’ll be really busy!” Willow yelled in response as they tumbled backwards out the
door and into the sunshine.

Pausing for a moment to look at eachother, they both burst out laughing and started
running down the steps and across the lawn.

“Good cover!” Willow gasped.

“You went along with it very nicely,” Amy grinned.

“Yeah, well I saw that episode of Dawson’s Creek, too.”

 Willow paced nervously in front of her mirror. It was just past sundown and she needed
to check up on Angel. He hadn’t called or emailed for the past three days
as she’d asked him to and she couldn’t help but feel worried. They'd met frequently these past few weeks. The meetings were often short and Willow intiated pretty much all of them but it was a strange comfort to her to see him and to know that he was all right. Even though they usually said very little during their meetings, Willow hoped that he was becoming more comfortable around her. It was nice to have him back.

Regardless, she also knew that she'd have to deal with the rest of her friends sooner or later and she had absolutely no idea how she’d break the news to them. Deep in her heart, she knew that Amy was right. Willow couldn’t hide behind her forever...fortunately, that wouldn’t stop her from trying....

“Okay. I’m going. For real this time,” she muttered softly as she stopped to stare at
herself in the mirror. With shaking hands she rearranged her hair. < What the heck am I
doing? A hair check? For Angel? What am I, nuts? Like he’s going to care what I look
like...especially now... >  Vanity got the best of her, though, and she turned a few more
times while straightening out her skirt before heading to the bed to grab her backpack so
she could leave.

She heard a faint rustling noise from outside.

Dropping her backpack onto her bed again, she carefully picked up the stake on her
dresser. She tiptoed towards the large french doors which led to the small balcony outside
her window.< Cool it Willow, you’re safe as long as you stay inside the house... hah.
famous last words... >

Gritting her, teeth, she double checked to make sure that the doors were firmly locked
before gingerly pulling back the curtain. There he was. A dark shadowy figure putting
something down and turning to climb out again.

She rapidly unlocked the doors and threw them open, “Angel?”

He looked up at her with one leg already swung half over the railing, “Willow! Hi...I
didn’t think you were home...”

“How..how are you? Why didn’t you call me like I’d asked?”

“Oh. Well, I was kind of busy thinking...about things. It must’ve slipped my mind.”

Unable to stop herself from feeling a mild pang of pain and an odd sense of jealousy over
that < I’ll bet he wouldn’t have forgotten if I’d been Buffy. > , Willow swiftly decided to
drop the issue. < How can I be so petty? He’s one of my best friends. He needs me to be
there, after all he’s been through, of course he’s liable to forget to ‘check in’, I mean,
geez, I’m not his mother... >

Angel looked on with a feeling of mild anticipation as Willow seemed to be considering
something. < I hope she doesn’t realize that I’m lying. > The truth was, it *hadn’t*
slipped his mind. He’d remembered to call. In fact, he’d sat by his phone almost every day, picking
it up, getting halfway through the number and then dropping it again before getting up to
pace around his apartment some more. He wasn’t really sure if she’d meant it when she’d
asked him to call. There was so much he wanted to know from her. So many questions
that needed to be asked. She was like his only lifeline to his previous existance, but he
was too afraid to cling to her for fear that she’d end up hating him as well.

“Oh, well, that’s okay,” she smiled at him, a faint note of sadness in her voice, “I
understand...you were...busy.”

< I’ve hurt her feelings... > He sighed softly, “So, where were you going?”

“Going?” she seemed a bit surprised.

“Well, you’re kind of dressed up, aren’t you?” as soon as the words left his mouth, Angel
would have given almost anything to take them back.

Willow’s face couldn’t have gotten any redder.

“Oh..well..I....,” she tried desperately to stop blushing while knowing very well that the
effort was futile< This is so humiliating, now what am I suposed to say? Why yes, Angel,
I just spent the past half an hour getting ready to see you... >

< I can't believe it. I did it again... > This had to be the single worst conversation he’d ever had with anyone in his life. It even rivaled the one he’d had with Buffy the night after he’d changed. He couldn’t
seem to say anything right.
 

“I meant to say that you look really nice, I mean, not that you normally *don’t* look nice,
but you just look extra-nice tonight, for some reason,” he rushed on trying to cover for his
mistake but not realizing that he was only making things worse, “So I was just wondering
if you were going somewhere or something, not that you have to be going somewhere to
look nice b-,”

“Angel, I was coming over to check up on you,” she finally blurted out in order to end
both her misery as well as his.

There was a beat as the vampire processed the information, “Oh.”

“Yes.” Boy, where was a good change of subject when you needed one?

< Does that mean she dressed up because of me? > Unable to help it, Angel felt strangely
happy with that knowledge. The automatic wash of self-loathing which followed after it,
however, helped to destroy that emotion. < I don’t deserve to be happy. Least of all now.
Least of all with Willow. Of course she didn’t dress up because of me. She was probably
going to the Bronze or something straight afterwards. >

“So, what were you leaving here? I thought I saw you put something down.. “ Her green
eyes traveled past him and carefully around the edges of the balcony, looking for the
object he’d left for her.

“Oh, yes, that,” Beyond relieved to be talking about something else, Angel stooped down,
picked up a large plastic bag and handed it to her.

Tropical Fish.

“Oh wow..Angel...”

“I bought them a little while ago. With money and all, I mean. I umm...I had to break into
the store, but I left an adequate amount of money for the owner to covered the window I
had to break to get in as well.” < Why am I babbling? My God, I think I’m babbling.... >

“Angel...” she was utterly speechless.

“I tried to umm.. find another store which was open later at night so that I wouldn’t have
to break in and all but there weren’t any around here and I really wanted to get you these
as soon as possible to replace the...others.” He wasn’t sure why, but something deep
inside him wanted her to trust him and not to be threatened by him. He wanted her to feel
at ease. And it was causing him to act like an eight year old.

“Angel, you really didn’t have to do this.”

“Willow, I took your fish out of their tank, gutted them and strung them along a piece of
wire. Yes, I do think that means I owe you another set.”

“Well, I appreciate it,” She nodded slowly and held the bag up to her face, “I really do.”

“Have you...spoken to Buffy or Giles recently?”

“No, not yet.”

“When do you plan on telling them?”

“Don’t you mean when do “we” plan on telling them?”

“I don’t think it’s that good an idea to have me there when you break the news to the-,”

“What are you talking about? You *have* to be there. It’ll give them all an opportunity to
see that it’s really you and that you’re back to the way you were before.”

“Too chicken to do it on your own, huh?”

“Absolutely.”

Despite their situation he started laughing. She always had this uncanny ability to make
him feel better. “Okay, Willow, I’ll come with you. How does Sunday night sound?”

It would mean that she’d have to somehow avoid everyone for two more days, but she’d
live...at least until Buffy found out. “Sunday night sounds great.”

Angel nodded. It’d give him a little more time to get his own life back into order and he knew that the teenagers also had a two week vacation coming up. It’d give everyone an adjustment
period before school started again.

“Alright, I’ll see you then,” he turned and started to climb down again.

She almost dropped the bag of fish she was holding, “Wait Angel, what are you doing
tomorrow night?”

He paused, “Tomorrow night? I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“Would you like to do something?”

“With you?”

“Well, yes.”

“Like..?”

“I dunno, hang out at your apartment and talk or something?”

“Well...,” he considered turning her down, but the sweet and hopeful look on her face
made him think better of it, “that sounds nice. Sure, why not?” < Almost like a lost
puppy. >

Her smile could’ve lit up all of Sunnydale, “Terrific. I’ll come over tomorrow night then.”

He nodded silently and dropped out of site.

By the time she got to the edge of the balcony, he was gone.

Still smiling, Willow turned with her new bag of fish and walked into her room, locking
the doors behind her.

It wasn’t until then that an odd thought occurred to her

< Ohmigosh, did I just ask him out? >

She awoke with a start.

Vaguely, in the back of her mind, she thought she heard the phone ringing.

< Geez, what time is it? > Bleary eyed, she reached over and turned her alarm clock
around.

9:30 am.

< Who the heck would be calling this early on a Saturday? >

She buried her face in her pillow and sighed before blindly reaching up and grasping the
phone.

“Hello?” she muttered groggily into the receiver, her voice still slightly muffled by the
pillow.

“Amy? Did I wake you?”

“No.”

“Oh good, Amy you’ll never believe what happened...”

“I’ll bet I won’t...”

“Guess who came over last night?”

“Willow? Is that you?”

“Angel!”

“Do you still want me to guess?”

“Are you paying attention?”

“Yes. Of course I am. Why did he come over?” she yawned sleepily and flipped over
onto her back.

“To give me some tropical fish.”

“Oh, okay, that makes absolutely no sense.”

“It’s a long story, listen Amy, what’re you doing today?”

< Presumably, sleeping. > “Nothing much as of now.”

“Would you be interested in coming over?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Well, it’s no big deal but I have some really cool stuff that I wanted to show you that  I
found from the internet about techno-paganism.”

“Mmmmhmmm,” she murmured, sitting up.

“And I also wanted to ask your advice about a few things.”

“My advice?”

“Fashion-wise and...other-wise.”

“Oh...ok,” she agreed, furrowing her brows slightly, “Wait..Willow, who did you
say came to visit you last night?”

“Nevermind, I’ll talk to you about it later.”

“But Will-,”

“Bye Amy, see you in about an hour.”

“No, Willow, wa-,” the abrupt sound of the dial-tone filled her ear, cutting off her final
remark.

“Weirdness...”

Shrugging slightly, she hung up the phone and rolled out of bed to get ready.

***************

“Yes, but I’m worried about her.”

“Buffy, she get’s like this sometimes. Especially around certain times of the month...”

“Xander, I can’t believe you just said that.”

“What? It’s true!”

“Look, I just think that one of us should go check up on her. I emailed her twice last night
and again this morning. I just tried to call and her phone line was busy.”

“Maybe she’s online..”

“She’s not, I checked.”

“Well, maybe she took her phone off the hook to prevent her crazy friends from calling
obscenely early on weekends...” he rolled over onto his side and propped his head up on
one hand, “Seriously though, Buffy, this is ridiculous. Willow’s fine. I know her, she
wouldn’t do anything stupid. Not without telling us at least. She’s terrible at lying too,
you know that. If she was trying to sneak around behind our backs and do anything, we’d
know in a second.”

“Not if she avoided us while she was doing it, Xander.”

He paused.

“Look, why don’t one of us go over to her house?”

“She’s not there, she’s working on some History extra-credit project with Amy.”

“Well then, call Amy.”

“Are you kidding me? I can’t do that!”

“Xander, you need to get over this. Amy doesn’t want you. It was the spell. It was
seriously powerful. Believe me, I know.”

“It’s not just that. She just gives me the heebie jeebies for some reason.”

“She’s been hanging around with Willow alot lately.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed that too. What’s up with that?”

“Well, *we* certainly haven’t been hanging around her that much.”

“What do you mean?”

“Xander, between Giles and I trying to save the world and you and Cordelia trying to rid
the universe of hormones, when was the last time we all just hung out?”

He actually had to think hard about that one, “Gosh, maybe a month or so ago.”

“Catching a twinkie break in the hall between classes doesn’t count.”

“Oh. Okay, longer then.”

“Exactly, so she’s obviously lonely.”

“You’re right, I never thought about that before..”

“Why am I not surprised?” Buffy muttered under her breath.

“What?”

“Nothing. Look, Xander, I think you’re right. Willow’s just probably feeling down right
now, that’s all.”

“No, you know Buffy, I think there might actually be something else wrong with her
maybe we sh-,”

“The only thing wrong with her is that she’s been consummately ditched by all of her
closest friends. The best way to fix this is to try to include her more and to schedule some
stuff to do all together this vacation.”

‘That’s a good idea, Buffy, but I still think that we sh-,”

“Great, glad that you agree. Well, I gotta run, see you tonight!”

“No Buffy, wa-,”

He moaned softly at the sound of the dial tone and hung up the phone.

Well, he wasn’t getting any more sleep, that much was certain.

< Poor Willow. I never even saw it before. I am SUCH an ass. She must be so
miserable. >

“I am SO excited,” she squealed, waving her hands in front of her flushed face as ran
back upstairs, “But WHY am I so excited?”

This had been a question which had been troubling her ever since she’d changed Angelus
back to Angel. It was utterly ridiculous and every time she thought about it, she knew
how ridiculous it sounded but she also knew it was the truth. She was actually looking
forward to having Angel all to herself for these last few days. She was, in fact, dreading
the moment when she’d have to admit to her friends that he had changed back.
Dreading it for more than just the fact that everyone would be mad at her for lying. It was
more a question of having to give him up and share him with the rest of the world. Her mind
told her that it was unspeakably selfish and that she should feel incredibly guilty, but her
undefineable excitement and happiness over seeing him that night indicated otherwise.

“It's just that I'm...I’m happy to have someone to talk to,” she decided aloud.

Yes, that was it. It was the simple companionship which was causing that wistful ache in
her chest whenever she thought of him. It was the wonderment of being able to feel
comfortable around someone again which made her so talkative around him and so free.
It was the joy of having an acquaintance, a confidant, a *friend* in her life again which
caused her head to spin and her heart to beat twice as fast whenever he was around.
She had every right to be selfish and to want to cling onto him like this, especially after
having been so lonely for so long. It was only natural to want to perserve this.
Yes, it was friendship, that’s all. It wasn’t something silly like love. Love was different.
Love was sickness and pain and tears. Her experience with Xander had taught her that in
a way she’d never forget. Besides, love didn’t just take place in the span of two weeks. (The fact that she’d actually known him for almost 2 years was somewhat
irrelevant. Especially because he’d been with Buffy then...)

And so, having rationalized things to herself, Willow felt much better.

With a clear mind and a light heart she began to pick out her clothes for that night. She’d wait for Amy to arrive before she figured out what to do with her hair.

***************

He lay flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Try as he might, he couldn’t get her face
out of his mind.

He was in love with her. That much was certain. He’d always loved her, he realized that now. Even from the very instant he saw her, he’d fallen hard for her. So alone. So pretty and vulnerable. She lived a lonely existance, always out of place with very few friends. He remembered the look in her eyes when he’d first attacked her. So stricken and lost. She had gotten over that though and gradually she became more hurt than scared. So hurt and angry that she’d taken matters into her own hands.

Unable to stand it anymore, Angel got off of the bed and strode around his apartment.
< Damn, I’m so restless. >

He couldn’t help but smile when he thought about her. How did she manage to be so
beautiful and strong and yet at the same time, soft and feminine? Yes, he loved her. He
loved her alot. How could he admit it to her, though?How could he ever come to terms
with it and say it aloud after everything which had happened?

He picked up a delicate vase at the other end of the room.

No, he couldn’t risk it. She'd try to push him away because of what her friends would think. She’d never speak to him again. As is, their relationship was edgy
and precarious. This would simply push it over the cliff and she’d get scared and run.

He swiftly smashed the vase against the wall. < Hah. Much better. > Feeling the tension
ease slightly in his shoulders, he reached for yet another item, this time an antique clock,
and flung it against the floor. The sound it made was almost pleasant.

No, he couldn’t risk losing her forever. He loved her too much to put her life into
jeopardy and such a revelation would do just that.

Quickly, he began running around the apartment, picking things up and throwing them
wherever he fancied. < Hey, it’s my building, I can do whatever I want. >

He’d wait it out. All for her.

Gradually he began to lose steam.

He’d keep his emotions in check at all times because he never wanted to cause her pain.
Never again.

Slowly, he sank to the floor.

He’d do anything for her, he knew that now.

His shoulders shook slightly as he wept.

 “Okay Willow, you have to calm down,” Amy did her best to sound authoritative but
ended up smiling anyway. For her, the past few years had been hard. Especially with her mom
going postal and using her own body to try to kill people, but being quick to adjust to the
abnormal, she’d gotten over it. She didn’t have too many friends after the whole episode,
though. She thought but she’d gotten over that aspect of her life as well, but soon found
out that she hadn’t. Hanging around with Willow was one of the nicest things to happen
to her in a long time. It made her feel inexplicably warm inside and made her remember
what it was like to have friends, a feeling she was far too removed from.

“The red or the black?”

“It’s orange and dark grey and I go with the orange.”

“Orange it is. Short sleeves or no sleeves?”

“No sleeves.”

“Are you sure?”

“Wait..where’s the shirt that I brought? Try that one on.”

“Oh yeah..but does it go with the orange skirt?”

“Well yes, I think it does. Wait a second..what shoes were you planning on wearing with
that?”

Willow held up her brown Mary Janes.

Amy shook her head, “Uh uh. Those are a no go.”

“Well, I really don’t have anything else that would look remotely ni-,”

In midsentence, Amy snapped her fingers and a pair of black clogs suddenly appeared.

Willow blinked, “Wow, those are nice!”

“And they’ll go perfectly with your skirt.”

“You’ve really got to show me how to do that sometime.”

Amy grinned wryly, “You know, I can.”

“Wait...seriously?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“But, don’t you have to have witch’s blood or something?”

Amy looked thoughful for a moment.

“Well, it helps, but it isn’t the be all and end all of witchcraft. I can teach you some
simple things which might be helpful in certain situations.”

“Like?”

“Like how to levitate small objects or how to transport things. Shoes for instance.”

“You’re not kidding...ohmigosh, Amy that’s so cool!!”

“Hey, I’d be thrilled to teach you. Think about the amount of fun we could have in Ms.
Allan’s physics class!”

Willow burst out laughing.

“I’ve been making the chalk float every once in awhile just to see her face turn that
incredible shade of  red.”

“I’d have to say that it’s more of a purple.”

Soon, both girls were in hysterics.

“Okay, Wills, you’d better be careful, you don’t want to smudge your makeup. *And* we
still have to do your hair to get you ready for this date.”

“Wait, what?” She stopped wiping the tears out of her eyes, “A date?”

“Hmm?” Amy mumbled looking under the bed, “Yes. What did you do with the other
sheer stocking I gave you?”

“Amy, just a sec..this isn’t a date.”

The blond popped her head back up almost instantly, “What?”

“Angel and I are just hanging out.”

The witch studied her friend for a few moments, trying to gauge just how serious she was
about that last comment before responding, “Willow, look around you. Look at this room.
Do you always get this dressed up just to hang out?”

There it was again. The “dressing up” comment. Willow took a guilty glance around her
room and sure enough, clothing was strewn everywhere. There was tons of makeup,
mostly Amy’s, on the dresser and several pairs of nylons mixed with shoes littering the
floor. She hadn’t even done this much damage to her room the first time her parents let her
and Xander go to the Bronze alone in ninth grade. Amy was right. She *was* dressing up.
This could be a problem.

“Oh dear.”

“What?”

“Well, I-I just don’t want to look weird or act weird around him. Why am I doing this
Amy?”

“Uhh..because you like him?” she chose to hazard the obvious guess.

“No, no I don’t,” the red-haired hacker shook her head vehmently, “I can’t.”

As much as it shocked her, Amy knew that Willow was serious. She honestly didn’t
believe that she harbored any feelings for Angel. < She’s worried about betraying
Buffy. > Until now, it hadn’t quite struck Amy exactly how bad Willow’s situation was.
She had undertaken this task largely on her own. She’d risked her life to complete it. She
was forced to hide her success from the few friends she did have because it might
alienate them even further and now, to make matters even worse, she had inadvertantly
fallen in love with the subject of all of this madness. Without even consciously knowing
it.

Amy swallowed. Hard. This wasn’t going to be an easy situation to manuever.

“I need to change...b-but I don’t have any time. Oh no, Amy, what am I going to do?” Willow
was near tears.

“Okay, calm down,” the blond whispered soothingly, “It’s all going to be alright. We’ll
figure something out.” < Hmm... I need to make her look nice but still not too dressy. >

While Willow was searching for some kleenex, Amy closed her eyes and pictured the
outfit. < There. Perfect. > She opened her eyes and waved her hands swiftly. In a
glittering instant, Willow’s clothing had changed and her hair and makeup were switched
as well to match.

“Amy, have you seen the tissue bo-,” the hacker happened to glance at her reflection in
that second and gasped, “Ohmigosh, it’s perfect!”

“Dark corderoys with a white top with some funky suspenders. Cool, but not too weird,”
the witch smiled, standing behind her, ‘I think it works.”

Willow spun around a few times, admiring the two simple braids her hair had been pulled
back into and the understated makeup which complimented the outfit perfectly. Just a
touch of blush, a little eyeliner and some pale lipgloss. Cute, but casual. Special but not
too obvious. It was perfect.

“And now, Cinderella, I say you are ready to go “hang out” with Prince Charming,” she
leaned over and gave the red-head a hug, “Have fun, call me later.”

“I will, and I can’t thank you enough for all this,” she returned the hug, “Shall I see you
to the door milady?”

“Nope, it shan’t be necessary,” Amy replied in a snooty British accent. With a wave and
a mischievous grin, she crossed her arms over her chest and blinked in an obvious ‘I
dream of Jeanie’ parody before disappearing.

“I have *got* to learn how to do that,” Willow muttered under her breath as she went
about searching for her keys, her wallet and the last few things she’d need.

Having collected everything, she hurriedly grasped her small backpack and headed
downstairs. She only had about half an hour to get to Angel’s apartment alone before the
journey would be too dangerous. She’d made it as far as the front door when she heard
the bell ring. Nearly jumping out of her skin, she stood on her tip toes, and peered
through the peephole. What she saw almost caused her to scream on the spot.

Xander.

There he stood, oblivious as ever, occasionally leaning forward to look
through the other end of the peephole while juggling a pint of cafe ole. Willow’s favorite
ice cream. < What the heck is he doing here? Oh geez, Xander, just when I thought life
couldn’t get any more complicated... >

“Willow?” he called, breaking her out of her thoughts, “Wills, it’s Xander, open up. I
brought you and Amy some ice cream.”

Well, that did it. She was just going to stand there with the door locked and wait
him out. Eventually, he’d be forced to leave once it became obvious that no one was
home.

“Willow?” he called again.

Th red-head bit her lip in frustration.

Suddenly, much to her absolute horror, she heard the sound of keys.

< Oh God. Xander has a spare key to the front door. I totally forgot about that. > Her eyes
narrowed slightly < He’s only supposed to use those keys in the case of an emergency. I
mean, what the heck? He’s been out there barely 3 seconds and he wants to come
barging in? How does he know I’m not here and half naked getting out of the shower or
something? How rude.. >

The key began turning in the lock and Willow realized that she didn’t have any time to
spare being angry at him. First, she needed a plan for escape.

Barely managing to get out of the way in time, she leaped up the stairs just as the door
swung open.

“Willow...?”

The hacker stood in her room desperately looking around. < Should I hide? Pretend like I
was asleep or something? Oh no..I’m supposed to be with Amy. I can’t be asleep. >

“Willow? Hey Wills, you up there?”

Hearing the voice at the bottom of the stairs sent Willow into a fit of panic. Quickly, she
slammed her door shut. < Uh oh...baaaad move. > Almost instantly, she heard his
sneakers pounding up the stairs at an ever-quickening pace.

With no other options left, Willow did the one thing she could do.

She leapt out the window.

Around 20 minutes later, the doorbell rang at Angel’s apartment.

A solitary figure lying on a pile of black silken sheets groaned. < Maybe they’ll just go
away... >

The bell was followed by insistent knocking.

< Maybe not. >

Snarling in irritation, Angel shoved himself up and rolled out of bed to answer the door,
< If these are *more* of Spike’s goonies, there is going to be some SERIOUS
bloodletting in-, > He whipped the door open, already in attack stance when he came face
to face with a very startled young girl.

“Willow?” he gasped in surprise.

“Angel?” she backed away fearfully.

Suddenly he realized he must have his game face on. The guilt was enormous as he
quickly shifted back to his human features.

He felt the anger and power ebb right out of him at the sight of the pretty teenager
cowering at the other side of the hall, “Yes..yes, Willow, it’s Angel. I’m sorry about that.
I apologize.”

She let out a sigh of relief.

His shoulders slumped slightly and his gaze glued itself to the floor.

They stood like that for a few more seconds before Willow finally cleared her throat,
“Well Angel? Aren’t you going to invite me in?” she asked firmly.

His eyes shot back up to her face almost instantly in order to gauge her emotions.

She’d been expecting that reaction and gave him a huge, warm smile. “I came by to give
you something and to see how you’re doing.”

“Oh. Well, yes, of course, come in.” Needless to say he was quite a bit surprised that she
still wanted to be alone behind closed doors with him. He honestly hadn’t expected her to
come visit him or to keep checking up on him either.

“You look surprised, didn’t you remember that we were supposed to hang out tonight?”
she demanded once he’d closed the door.

< Oh. I completely forgot about that. > “It..ahh..it slipped my mind.”

She nodded briskly and began to survey the apartment. The same apartment he’d spent
all day trashing.

< Forgot about that too. >

She turned her steely gaze back to him and he flinched slightly < Here it comes..violent
tendencies and all are out in the open. Here’s the part where she leaves. >

“Angel, I’m worried about you,” she murmured softly, crossing the room to embrace
him.

There, she had done it again. She’d managed to catch him completely off guard and
shock him.

Her demeanor seemed to swing almost as quickly as his. From all at once reprimanding
and scrutinizing to tender and loving.

“I’m fine, Willow, really,” he shifted uncomfortably in her embrace. It wasn’t just that it
felt strange to be held by the hacker, but it also felt good. And feeling good wasn’t
something that Angel was willing to allow himself any time soon.

“Don’t you..umm..have parents? That is to say..aren’t they going to be worried about
you? You really shouldn’t be here,” he hastily broke away from her. She smelled too
nice.

“My parents are out of town. Perpetually. And I *should* be here. I’m checking up on a
friend.”

“Willow..,” he began in exasperation, “what...happened to your hair..?” His voice trailed
off as he suddenly took in her torn corderoys and stained shirt as well.

She blushed furiously, “I um....I had an accident.” She turned away from him and started
wandering around the apartment, “Angel, do you have a mirror around here?”

“Were you attacked?” he felt the energy pulse back into him as he growled in anger.

She went into the bathroom and he followed her.

“WERE YOU?” he demanded again.

She swiftly shook her head to the negative, “Don’t you have a mirror anywhere in this
place?”

“Then...??” he asked in total confusion.

“Angel, how on earth do you get by without a mirror?”

“Willow, I don’t HAVE A REFLECTION!!” he shouted at her and gripped her shoulders
firmly, “What happened to you?”

“I went out a window. Must you pry????” she yelled back in exasperation.

His eyes rounded, “Someone threw you out a window?”

“NO, I *jumped* out a window,” she explained patiently.

“Oh...what?”

“I-it’s a long story,” she waved him off immediately, “We can get into it later.”

He shook his head in wonder as she shrugged him off and headed for her backpack.
< Maybe she’s on some sort of drug or something.... >

“Angel, have you eaten?”

“No.”

“Good, I brought you something to eat.”

Right before his eyes she reached into her bag and yanked out two pouches of blood.

“Willow, where did you get those?” Even he could hear the edge of hunger in his voice as
he eyed the pouches and he hated himself all the more for it.

“I volunteer at the blood bank. Don’t worry about it.” She picked up one of them and
threw it to him, “Drink up.”

He looked at the bag and then at her, “Willow, this is human blood. I don’t drink human
blood anymore.” He firmly tossed the pouch onto the chair at the other end of the room.

“Angel, you’re weak and you haven’t eaten, just make an exception this once until you
can go out hunting on your own again.”

“Absolutely not.”

She gazed at him silently before surrendering to his will. He was obviously not going to
back down on this one.

“Fine then. Hey, want to watch some TV?”

“What?” he was thrown by her sudden change of tactics, “Willow, I really appreciate
what you’re trying to d-,”

“Oh wow, Angel. You don’t even have a TV in here? What do you do all night?”

“Willow, I think you should go hom-,”

“No. I can’t go home, Angel. Not now. Not until I spend some time with you.”

“Willo-,”

“Will you sit down? Your pacing is making me nervous.”

Almost automatically, he sat down at her request before wondering why.

She was more determined than ever to make this visit seem completely normal. Just two friends, hanging out together on a Friday night. Two totally normal pals, chatting it up with a little bit of take-out from the local blood bank. < Hmmm... >

“Well, you don’t have any mirrors or TVs in here...or a computer. So what would you
like to do? Do you have any board games?”

He simply stared at her.

“Guess not....hey, I have an idea, let’s have a conversation,” she smiled brightly while sitting on
the edge of the couch, “You go first.”

< She looks so cute with her hair like that. Almost like a pixie or an elf. > Thats when he realized she’d been speaking to him...something about a conversation.... Bad idea, “Willow, you know me,
I’m not much of a conversationalist.”

“Well, neither am I.”

< That’s true. > “Okay, what do you want to talk about?” He couldn't understand why he kept giving in to her. She was definitely a major switch from Buffy. She was much more honest and straightforward. He could tell that she was willing to put herself on the line for her friends both physically and emotionally. Which was exactly what she was doing for him.

This was going to take some serious adjustment.

“Anything you’d like, Angel. Life, hobbies, favorite TV shows...if you had a TV which
you don’t so we can scratch that one...unless of course you used to watch TV at some
point and had a favorite show from back then and we could talk about that. You know
what show I really like that’s pretty old? I Love Lucy. It’s SO hysterical. I mean, the
whole ‘red-head’ factor has nothing to do with it. That’s why Xander thinks I like it. He
doesn’t think it’s funny at all. He’s really into the Three Stooges, though, which I
absolutely don’t understand because I’ve watched it with him and I don’t even crack a
smile while he’s on the ground laughing so hard I think I’ll have to administer CPR. In
fact, it’s funnier to watch him than to watch the show. There’s a definite difference
between “girl humor” and “guy humor”, I think. Hey did you watch any cartoons when
you were little? Oh, well, I guess not cause there weren’t TVs when you were little, but I
used to love cartoons. I’d wake up at 6am and run downstairs to watch them. They had
some of the coolest cartoons back then, none of the ‘mutant’ stuff they have now.
Have you noticed how EVERYTHING is mutant now? There’s even some show with
mutant bunnies, now that’s just twisted. When I was little, I liked the Smurfs, before they
time-traveled of course, and Kidd Video, and Poochie , and My Little Pony, and The
Wuzzles, and She-Ra, which granted was sorta sexist in hindsight, but at the time I wanted
to BE her, an-,”

“Okay, Willow, you know what? I *do* want to talk about something,” Angel chose to
interrupt her now knowing that if he didn’t, she’d be liable to carry on this one
conversation with herself all night.

Willow smiled internally < Note to self. Babbling incessantly makes Angel talk. >
Outside, she was all innocence, “Yes?”

“It’s...well..” he stood and started pacing again, “It's hard for me to say.”

“Oh, give it a try, it can’t be that bad.”

“Oh, but it is, trust me it is,” he rolled his eyes, “....it’s just that,” he suddenly sat down
right next to her and lowered his voice, “There’s this face I just can’t get out of my
head.”

“A-a face?”

“Willow, as a..a...a friend,” he seemed to have trouble saying the word and believing it
at the same time, “can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Angel!” unable to help herself, she leaned forward slightly and her heartbeat
picked up just a bit.

“It’s pretty important, and I can give you time to think about it, but I really need an
answer.”

She nodded.

“I feel so stupid asking, and I know this isn’t the right thing to do, but I can’t help
myself.”

She nodded sympathetically.

“ I mean, I’ve turned it over in my head a hundred times, and every time I do it, I can’t
seem to get away from my feelings...”

She nodded again, her heart jumping to her throat.

“But I trust you Willow, I really do. I think I've always trusted you without even knowing it,"
he took her hands in his, “And..I don’t want you to hate me for asking you this, especially
because I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t when this whole thing started, but now I
know that I can’t let it go any longer.”

“Angel, just ask!” she finally exploded.

“Do you think I have a chance?”

“A-a chance?”

He looked incredibly guilty but forced his gaze to her own, “At a...at a relationship...”

Willow just about fainted, “A relationship?”

“With Buffy.”

“With.......Buffy..oh,” she looked down immediately and tried to blink away the
unexpected tears which flowed into her eyes. Must be dust in her contact lenses again.

“Willow? Please don’t be mad at me. I know it’s unfair to put you on the spot bu-,”

She looked back up at him,“No. No Angel, it’s fine.”

Was it his imagination or did her eyes look a bit brighter than they did before?

“I understand your postion completely, and I don’t hate you at all,” she continued,
forcing herself to smile at him kindly, “I could never hate you, you’re one of my closest
friends,” she dropped her gaze again and studied the crinkles in the tan leather sofa, “I
can ask Buffy, if you’d like. I think your chances are good though,” she raised her eyes
back to his, “Very good. With a little bit of prodding, I’m sure she’ll come around...”
< What am I saying? Am I agreeing to help him to win back Buffy? Ohmigosh I am.. >

“Y-you mean, you’ll help me to get her back?” he asked in disbelief.

“Yes...I will.”

“Thank you Willow,” he whispered softly. In a rare show of emotion, he leaned over and
hugged her.

Falling limply into the embrace, she felt the tears well in her eyes. < Wow, it sure
is dusty in here.... >

“So she wasn’t there?”

“Well, *someone* was there. I heard the door slam upstairs.”

“Any sign of who it might’ve been?”

“No, by the time I got up there, the room was empty. The window was open, though.”

“Xander, it could’ve just been the wind that slammed the door shut. I think you’re
overreacting.”

“I don’t. Her room was a disaster area. There were clothes and shoes and makeup all over
the place.”

“Makeup?”

“Yeah. It’s not at all like her.”

“Well, if there was makeup and stuff..maybe we *should* go take a look.”

“My point exactly, what if she’s possessed or something?”

“I think that both of you are overreacting,” Giles broke in, looking up from one of his
books, “She’ll be fine, I saw her running across campus with Amy today. She looked alot
happier than I’ve seen her in a long time. And I can’t believe that you simply violated her
privacy by barging into her house like that, Xander.”

The boy had enough decency to look mildly embarassed, “Well, I was worried about her.
She isn’t returning my phone calls and Buffy’s been emailing her for the past few days and
she hasn't been responding. We barely get to see her anymore. That and the fact that she’s hanging out with Amy way too much.”

“Well, why don’t you just call Amy and see what’s going on?”

“Don’t go there, G-man.”

“Oh, please Xander, don’t tell me that you’re still scared of her after that whole magic
spell incident.”

“No, I’m not ‘scared’, I’m just-,”

“Petrified out of your mind,” Cordelia finished. She was sick of watching them discuss
this. It was Saturday night, they should be out having fun. “I hate to admit it, but I think
that I’m going with Giles on this one. Willow’s fine. In fact, she’s probably at the Bronze
right now, dancing the night away. Let’s go check,” she grabbed Xander’s arm and
started hauling him out of the library.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea. Buffy, you ought to go with them. Everyone has been on
edge lately and a break would do us all some good.”

Unable to believe her ears, the slayer simply stared at him, “You’re kidding, right? No
patrols?”

Giles removed his glasses and cleaned them thoughtfully, “No, no patrols for tonight. I
think that one night off should be alright, especially since everyone has been so stressed.
Vampiric activity has been down recently, and it should be fine as long as you three stay
together at all times.”

“Great, music to my ears. You heard the man, let’s go,” With that, Cordelia forceably
yanked both Xander and Buffy towards the library door, “Laters Giles!”

“Goodnight, I’ll see you all tomorrow morning at 10:30!”

Swallowing their collective groan, the three teens smiled and waved before dashing out
the door, into the darkness.

************
They were sitting so close that their knees were touching.

She stared at him, her green eyes glittering in an almost predatory manner.

He returned her gaze evenly while making a few wild calculations in his head.

“Don’t try to stall, fang-boy,” she said in the most intimidating voice she could muster.

“I’m *not* stalling,” he replied, trying to sound outraged while he stalled some more.

“Uh huh,” she snickered, “Don’t even *think* about lying to me. I’m a master at this.
Now go.”

< Damn, she’s got me. What am I gonna do. >

“NOW,” she urged.

“Fine, fine, seven,” he replied in exasperation.

She paused a moment.

< A HA! Gotcha!! > he thought, doing a little victory dance in his head.

Suddenly, the predatory glitter returned to her eyes and his heart fell.

< Uh oh.... >

She threw her head back and laughed heartily.

“Damn,” he muttered under his breath.

“Angel?” she asked, grinning smugly and relishing every moment of it.

“Yes?” he responded, pouting slightly.

“Go Fish.”

************

It had been a long past few weeks and as embarassed as she would have been to admit it, Amy
Madison had gone to bed on a Saturday night before 10:30. She hadn’t been able to help
it. She was downright exhausted. Between preventing homicidal vampires from killing
her friends, early morning phone calls which forced her out of bed and using her powers
to conjure up different outfits, she’d been pretty busy.

Hence, she’d fallen asleep almost the instant her head hit the pillow. And now she
couldn’t wait to wake up.

The frequency of her visions has increased, and these were definately worse. They were still a bit foggy..not quite as vivid as the one she’d had the night Angelus was chasing Willow, but they were just as bad, especially since she didn't know what to make of them.

It was the same over and over again. These long metal poles of some kind coming down,
beating fiercely, next there was shouting, and finally lots of blood. The scene then shifted
to a broken body, face obscured by shadows, lying out on cold cement. Finally, the
sequence ended with a glimpse of a hill and a brilliant flash of sunlight. Again and
again and again, the images and sounds paraded through her head. Always in the same
order, always the same spacing, always the same length. She never got more information
or insight than these few snippets.

Finally clawing her way to consciousness on what must have been the fifth time through, she sat up in bed, her body covered by a cold sweat.

She moaned softly and looked at her alarm clock.

10:47.

It was going to be a long night.

***************
Giles had his jacket on and was halfway to the door before he remembered his umbrella.

Sighing softly, he returned to his office, but couldn’t find it. Finally, after an additional 10
minutes of searching, he located it under one of the large library tables.
< Xander and his fooling about.... >

Grumbling under his breath he tried to get it by reaching one arm under, but it was too far. Finally,
he simply gave up and crawled under the table. Grabbing the umbrella, he started to back
out, but paused when he saw a book underneath as well. “I am going to have to discuss
proper library etiquette with all three of them,” he muttered, reaching for it.

As he pulled it away, he was somewhat surprised to find tiny fragments of rope behind it.
< Now that’s odd...we really need to clean more thoroughly. People could start asking
questions. >

After getting out from under the table, he picked up his umbrella and turned to throw the
book into the “return” bin. He’d take care of it tomorrow morning. The cover of the
book, however, gave him pause. “Scripts and Ancient Curses,” he read aloud. Frowning
slightly, he noticed that a few of the pages had been marked. Casually flipping through
the chosen passages, his frown deepened, “Oh my.”

His panic rapidly increasing, he dropped the book on the counter.

With shaking hands he picked up the phone...

It was nearly 3am when a very bleary-eyed Willow finally returned home. “I am going *straight* to bed,” she mumbled to herself after she’d locked the door and waved goodnight to Angel. The time they'd spent together had been marvelous. They’d really just hung out and talked for the first few hours but once he’d found a deck of cards in his closet, things had really started swinging. She’d beat him in three straight hands of Go Fish and five of Hearts. He was a bit put out at first and even went so far as to call her a card shark so she let him win the last two games of Hearts. It was bonding. Bonding was good. She felt bonded and now she was exhausted.

Passing through the living room, she noticed the answering machine blinking.

< Wow, 7 messages, I sure am popular tonight. >

The first three were from her parents. Alternately it went, Mom, Dad, Mom. She’d have to remember to call them. The next three were from Xander. She’d have to call him back too at some point. She stretched tiredly and flopped back onto the couch to listen to the last one:

Beeeep…

< After I hear this one, I’m going straight to bed. >

“Willow? Th-this is Giles…”

The hacker grinned to herself, < I can’t believe Xander got Giles to call me too… >

“I-I’ve discovered some rather…disturbing news and we’re all at the library right now and..It would be a good idea if you came by as well…It’s approximately 2:45am right now and I’ve sent Buffy over to get you. This is extremely important, Willow, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.”

Click

This caused her to sit straight up. < 2:45am? Well then, Buffy should be here right… >

As if on cue, the doorbell rang.

< …now >

Yes, this night had only strengthened his opinion of her. In fact, he couldn’t remember a time when he’d been so at ease with another person. He couldn’t help but grin at the memory of Willow trying to inconspicuously let him win at cards. < She has a good heart. > he suddenly realized. And above all, that was the one thing Angel respected about the red haired hacker. For someone who had lived on the Hellmouth for so long and had dealt with so many hardships at such a young age, it truly amazed him that she was able to remain as innocent and kind as she had.

Whistling, he started to turn a corner and that’s when he felt it. An odd tingling sensation which was faint at first and then seized his entire being. < Buffy… > He could sense her. She was coming towards him at a very quick speed. Swiftly stepping backwards into the shrubbery, Angel melted into the shadows in the way which only he could. He watched almost longingly as she ran past him. She was close enough to touch. His heart ached silently as he caught a faint whiff of her perfume. Vanilla.

Sighing softly, he watched her run in the direction he’d just come from. Next, she took a turn down Willow’s street. Frowning, he waited. Within a few minutes, both Buffy and Willow emerged walking hurriedly. He caught pieces of their conversation as they flew past him.

“So Giles hasn’t said anything to you?”

“Nope, he wanted you to be there before he explained what this was all about. He seems pretty freaked out though. Do you have any ideas about what might be going on?”

“Umm…no?”

By then, they’d moved so far that he couldn’t hear anymore. Growling, he started to follow them. < I wonder what’s happening? >

“Buffy…Willow. Good,” The librarian looked at both girls and nodded briskly.

Cordelia moaned softly, half asleep and sat up from her previous position of leaning against Xander, “Thank God for small favors. It took you people long enough. Do you know what lack of sleep does to a person? Dark circles right under the eyes. Very unattractive.”

“Okay Giles, so what’s up?” Buffy asked, pointedly ignoring Cordelia and taking a seat at the end of the table. Willow chose to stand, rather nervously, near the door.

“W-well, I was doing a bit of cleaning around here and I found some things which were…disturbing. Then I did some more cleaning and I found some more things..which
were just as disturbing.”

Willow felt her heart begin to sink as a very unsettled feeling invaded the pit of her stomach.

“It started with this book,” he held up the offending object for the rest of the group to see.

< Uh oh. > Willow recognized it almost immediately and could feel the guilty flush start to creep up her neck. < I thought I put that away. >

“And then I found some odd scraps of rope and other books which had been mislaid,” Giles continued, “As well as this.” He held up a piece of crumpled paper.

< I knew I should have shredded that. > she kicked herself mentally.

“Okay Sherlock, so what’s the deal?” Cordelia demanded, “What’s on the paper?”

“If I’m not mistaken, this paper is a computer print-out of a restoration spell.”

At the mention of the word “computer” all eyes turned to Willow. She fidgeted uncomfortably, fiddling with the bottom of her blouse.

“A restoration spell? As in…to restore a person’s soul?” Buffy whispered softly.

“Willow,” Giles asked, a serious look in his dark eyes, “Were you planning on using this?”

The library fell silent as everyone waited for an answer.

She shifted, “Well…not exactly…”

“Willow, do you now how dangerous this is? If you had found the spell, you should have come to me first. It’s extremely powerful and you don’t have the experience or the training to carry out something like this on your own. It’s a good thing I caught this in time. We need to thoroughly explore our options. I’m not so sure that using the spell at this point is a good idea.”

“Can I see it?” Buffy asked  numbly as she took it from his hands.

“It could be outdated for all we know or it could even backfire.”

Xander nodded vigorously, “Yup, spells can backfire. It really sucks when that happens. Besides, it’s not right to change him back now. Not after he killed Ms. Calendar. I mean, how do we know that it won’t happen again? How do we know he won’t get happy and then go nuts and start killing people? The guy is dangerous, Willow.”

“Well, the restoration is actually designed to *permanently* anchor the soul,” she began.

“But we don’t know if it would even work in the first place,” Giles cut in, “You also have to realize that Angelus would most likely attack once he realized what was going on. If we ultimately failed, we’d have a very dangerous, antagonized vampire on our hands,” he shook his head, “No, this is entirely out of the question.”

“B-But…”

“Willow, it was a good idea,” Buffy looked up sadly from the piece of paper she was holding, “but I’m afraid Giles is right. I’ve given up on ever getting Angel back the way he was. I think this is for the best. If we tried to restore his soul, it would just complicate things more.”

“Y-you don’t understand,” the red-head stammered, tears starting to fill her eyes.

“Don’t understand what?” Giles asked, slightly confused, “My God, Willow…you didn’t actually attempt this already did you?” he stared at her in shock.

“No, it’s not just that I attempted it…,” she replied, her voice sounded pained and hoarse.

“She was successful,” said a voice from the door.

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