AUTHOR: Tisienne Blue
E-MAIL: tisatko@msn.com
DISCLAIMER: I am neither Joss Whedon, nor David Greenwalt (as I don't happen to have a penis... attached to my body, anyway... *giggle*). I own no-one and nothing from the Buffyverse. I also don't own the title or the lyrics contained herein... they belong to Alison Moyet and Yaz (Yazoo in the UK...).
RATING: maybe R-ish.
PAIRING: A/W... shocker, huh???
DISTRIBUTION: Charity and Jen:) can have it if they want... anyone else, just ask... unless I already said yes, in which case... have at it.
FEEDBACK: please??? cuz it's kinda the point.
DEDICATIONS: to Natty, Nutmeg, and Ali, for telling me they liked 'Sacrifices'... thanks, luvs!!!
NOTES: So I was having a flashback to my childhood, and came across the Yaz CD of 'You and Me Both' (quite a bit pop-y and electronic, by the by...). I bought it and popped it in my machine, and... I'd quite forgotten how much I loved this band when I was young, and oddly enough, I find that I love them still! And yes, I AM now the dark goddess of doom-and-gloom music, but so what??? Alf Moyet is a fantastic singer, with a wonderfully smoky voice, and... if anyone out there knows what ever happened to her, I would love to know.
MORE NOTES: As to this fic, it's just my warped mind ascribing aspects of this song to my favourite couple. This may end up being a touch angsty (yeah, I know, another big surprise...), but if people like it, I might write a sequel using other songs from the CD... we'll see. * *= emphasis, and // // encloses lyrics.
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She stood by the curbside, staring up at the art deco facade of the Hyperion Hotel. Her heart was in her throat, her skin was flushed, and she found herself wondering, yet again, why she didn't just forget all about this... forget the disk that had brought her all this way, back to the one place she wanted to avoid. She glanced at her watch for a moment. It was still early, she told herself, maybe he'd still be asleep, and she could be in and gone before he ever knew it.
She allowed the small hope to spur her on, and she shouldered her bag, rather like a knight would an ax, and forced herself to step forward, through the swinging doors into the rather dim lobby.
Her eyes flew immediately to the desk she'd once worked at, and she wasn't sure of whether to be happy or sad that it hadn't looked like it been touched in almost two months... that it looked like it was just waiting for her to walk down the stairs and sit down and go back to her duties.
She stepped slowly across the large room, a slight smile on her lips until she was standing beside the span of wood that had once been hers, and she reached quickly towards the handle of the top drawer, her motion arrested by the soft, almost disbelieving gasp she heard.
She turned, startled, and was caught immediately by his sorrowful brown eyes. "Angel..."
// If I wait for just a second more... I know I'll forget what I came here for...
My head was so full of things to say...
But as I opened my lips, all my words slipped away...
And anyway... //
He was almost sure that he was dreaming again. It was a dream that he knew well. She came back, and told him she'd been wrong... that she didn't want to ever be apart from him again... that she didn't care about the things he'd said, and she knew he hadn't really meant them. Yes, he was very well acquainted with that dream.
And yet, in the dream, she'd never looked at him with that... wounded expression. She'd never stepped back as he approached. And she'd never pulled her eyes from his as though seeing him was painful. This wasn't a dream, he realized.
He felt as if his heart was tearing, falling to pieces, and dying inside him. And all he could do was stare at her, because... Yes, she'd left him, but she'd had cause. He'd given her cause. "Willow..."
// I can't believe you want to turn the page...
And move your life onto another stage...
You can change the chapter, you can change the book...
But the story remains the same if you'd take a look... //
She'd thought that she'd be able to handle this... that seeing him again, if it happened, would be something she could just... deal with. It had been seven weeks, after all... seven weeks without his touch, without his soft laugh, without his lovely, strong voice... She'd been wrong.
"I..." she began hesitantly, before forcing herself to harden towards him, "I forgot something when I left." She glanced furtively at his face, almost sobbing at the shattered expression it displayed. But, she reminded herself, this had been *his* doing... and she couldn't afford to let him get to her. Not if she wanted to ever feel good about herself again.
She made herself take the one small step to her desk again, and opened the drawer. "Here it is," she said after a moment of stirring the contents.
She held up the small yellow disk between her thumb and index fingers, wondering if he remembered their time together the way she did. As being right, and comfortable, and *passionate*, and... perfect. Until that last night, when he'd...
No! she told herself, she wasn't going to think about that... wasn't going to cry again! Not in front of *him*, anyway.
// For the times we've had I don't want to be... A page in your diary, babe...
For the good, the bad, I don't want to see... A page in your diary, babe...
For the happy, the sad, I don't want to be... Just another page... In your diary... //
He'd missed her too much, he knew. Missed her smile, and her laugh, and the way she always seemed to know what to say to make him feel better... missed her shy glances-- even after the first six months, she'd still been just that touch shy. He'd missed everything about her, not just the making love. But he'd fucked up... and *badly*.
He wished that he could tell her... explain! Yet somehow he could tell, just by looking at her, that she didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to know what had been going through his mind, didn't want to know why he'd said what he had, and... he just felt so *empty* without her! "So that's what you came back for... a disk." He knew that he sounded angry, but he couldn't seem to help it.
For almost two months, he'd thought and dreamed about what he would do if he ever saw her again... what he'd *say*, but... In none of his dreams had she returned for a *computer* *disk*. In none of his thoughts had she been... fidgeting with her desire to leave him. Of course, he told himself, she had every right to still be angry, but... He took one slow step towards her, cringing when she broke and ran for the door.
"Oh, Willow..." he sighed sadly. He moved quickly to the door then, and stood just inside as he watched her get into her car and drive away.
// Perhaps if I held you, I could win again...
I could take your hands, we'd talk, and maybe then...
That look in your eyes I always recognize...
Would tell me everything is gonna be fine...
You're gonna be mine...
For a long time... //
She drove away, the tears streaming down her face as she watched the Hyperion fade in her rear view mirror. "It's really over..." she sobbed. He hadn't stopped her, any more than he had seven weeks earlier.
// For the times we've had, I don't want to be...
A page in your diary, babe... //
He sighed again, more deeply, and brushed the lone teardrop from his cheek as he turned back towards his office. "It's not *over*..." he reminded himself out loud. Or at least, it wasn't now that he had her license plate number.
He sat down behind his desk and reached for the phone... He was owed quite a few favours by some of his contacts in the Police Department, and... if he *had* to, he would call in every *one*.
// For the times we've had, I don't want to be...
A page in your diary, babe...
For the good, the bad, I don't want to see...
A page in your diary, babe...
For the happy, the sad, I don't want to be...
Just another page... In your history...
Just another page... in your history... //
End.