Series: Song Series #5
SEQUEL TO: Dela
AUTHOR: Tisienne Blue
E-MAIL: tisatko@msn.com
DISCLAIMER: I am neither Joss Whedon nor David Greenwalt, and as such I have no rights to any of the characters here-in. I am also not Tracy Chapman, so I also don't own the title, or the lyrics included here.
RATING: R-ish, I suppose.
PAIRING: ::sigh:: W/A... AGAIN!!!
DISTRIBUTION: Charity and Jen:), of course... also, Angel of Mine! Anyone else, just ask unless I already said yes...
FEEDBACK: Is my friend.
DEDICATIONS: to Eva, Susi, Natty, and Ali-- for telling me they liked the first four!!! Also, a special thank you to Emma, and the readers at Angel of Mine, who chose my Bedtime Stories series as their story of the month this month (May!!!). Lastly, thank you to Johnny Clegg & Savuka, for not suing me for using Dela...
NOTES: Okay, for those who haven't been paying attention, Angel and sweet Will had a bit of a thing going on, but... he screwed up and said something he shouldn't have... she took off, went back for a forgotten computer disk, went away again... He tracked her down, they kind of made up, she kinda pissed him off, and he ended up claiming her as his own. Okay. So, * *= emphasis, and ~~~*~~~ encloses a flashback, while // // surrounds lyrics. Maybe one more part to this; I'm not really sure.
&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
He smiled softly, glancing quickly down at the smallish redhead sleeping beside him in his car. He'd thought that it might be difficult to convince her to just... pick up and leave San Francisco, but it really hadn't. He'd only had to ask and she'd been ready to go! It was somewhat amazing to him, still. He frowned slightly, wondering how he could ever explain what he'd said, because... regardless of the fact that she'd *accepted* his claim, they *still* hadn't actually *talked* about it, and he was almost terrified that he might just wake up one day, and find her gone if they *didn't*. And if *that* happened, he honestly didn't know *what* he'd do! She was his other half... his *better* half, and he *knew* it! It was beyond logic, beyond common sense, but... she made him *whole*, *complete*, and he didn't think he'd really even known it until she'd appeared again, that day, looking for that disk he'd originally cursed, but now treasured beyond belief, because... it had brought her back to him.
His smile grew wider when she moved in her sleep, her head rolling slightly on his thigh, and his closer hand slipped from the steering wheel to lightly stroke her glorious hair. He'd never known this sort of love before, and he thanked the Gods for bringing her back into his life... for giving her such an enormous capacity to *forgive*.
// There're no words to say,
No words to convey
This feeling inside I have for you...
Deep in my heart,
Safe from the guards
Of intellect and reason...
Leaving me at a loss
For words to express my feelings,
Deep in my heart...
Deep in my heart... //
Oh, he'd known that he *loved* her, had known that he couldn't bear it if anything happened to her, but... He hadn't known that she... defined him. That her very presence, or the lightest touch of her small, warm hand on his arm, was enough to lighten everything about him. He hadn't known that her very belief that he was a good person made him a better one, and... it wasn't until he'd seen her again at the Hotel that he'd realized it fully... and he'd thought it might have been too late, after...
He stared, unseeing, through the windshield, as his mind wandered and
he let his body take them home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He watched her raptly as she rode him, taking pleasure in seeing hers. She was amazing to him, because... here she was, this young, beautiful, and *human* witch, and she knew everything he'd done, knew what he'd *been*, and yet, she still chose to love him! She didn't shy away from his demon; she never *had*, and somehow, she'd seen past all his barriers, all the walls he'd erected between himself and the world, and... she *loved* him!
It was a heady feeling, that she could care for him so much. And he cared for her equally, he thought. His eyes widened in pure joy when she keened and relaxed slowly upon him, and he smiled, wrapping his strong arms around her lithe, warm back. His face turned slightly, and he buried his nose in her hair, just inhaling the sweet, clean smell of her for a while before his eyes were drawn to the clock by his bed... *their* bed, and he sighed softly, knowing it was time for him to go, regardless of whether he wanted to or not... and he *didn't* want to, mostly because he knew she'd want to go with him, as she usually did. But he couldn't let her, and that was why he said what he did when she spoke softly against his broad, cool chest.
"I still can't believe this is real," she murmured, her fingers trailing lightly over his smooth skin. "I mean... your soul is permanent, thanks to the Oracles... You could have *anyone*, Angel!" She raised herself slightly, turning her glowing jade green eyes to his coffee brown ones, the beginnings of a brilliant smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "And I still don't know... Why *me*?"
In just over six months, she'd never asked him that question, and if it had been any other night, he would have answered entirely differently, but... the fact was that on *this* night, he needed to go out *alone*, so he did the one thing he'd promised himself he'd never do. He *hurt* her. *Deliberately*. And the odd part was that-- even as he opened his mouth to speak, he could feel the demon inside him *fighting* to hold the words in. But he rolled them on to their sides, and pulled himself away from her heat. "Why *not* you, Willow?" he said then, looking everywhere *but* at her, "You know what I am, you care about me, and... well, you're cute, so..." He closed his eyes for a moment at her first pained gasp, fighting the need to turn to her and just... be honest. But he steeled himself against the impulse, and continued. "You're smart enough to hold a conversation, and your other... *skills*... are hardly lacking, so why *not* you?" He forced himself to remain stoic as the slow tears slipped down her cheeks, and he stood, reaching for the slacks he'd discarded earlier. "Oh," he said, in an equally casual tone, "Giles called earlier. He said to say hello, and that the whole gang still misses you, but they understand that you're doing important *work* here... And that Buffy and Riley have finally set the date." He zipped his pants, and slid his feet into his shoes before reaching for his shirt and pulling it on. "She wants you to call her, something about being her Maid of Honour?... Whatever, Giles said that she decided seven months was long enough to be engaged, especially after the time they spent apart." He could hear her deep sobs as he strode from the room, and as much as he wanted to just... turn around and tell her didn't mean it, *any* of it, he... *couldn't*! Besides, he told himself, as he went down the stairs and grabbed his coat before heading out into the night, he'd explain it to her when he got back. She'd be mad, but... eventually, she'd understand.
He could still hear the echo of her sobs in his head, even as he did what he needed to, and it wasn't until he returned home many hours later, to find her just *gone*, that he realized... the deep, guttural tones of her cries had been the sound of her heart... *breaking*.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He sighed softly as he pulled off the highway. He'd tried so hard not to think about what he'd said to her, but he couldn't help it. His harsh words had echoed within his head every single day since she'd left, and... he didn't know how to tell her how sorry he was. Oh, sure, he'd apologized that first night he'd found her again, but... he didn't think 'I'm so sorry..' was going to cut it with her for much longer. He stopped the car by the curbside in the seedy warehouse district they'd been passing through, unwilling to wait any longer; afraid that he might lose his nerve. "Willow," he said softly, stroking her cheek gently until she began to stir, and when she opened her eyes and sat up beside him, he met her small smile with a serious expression. "I have to tell you something..."
// Look at me losing control
Thinking I had a hold...
But with feelings this strong,
I'm no longer the master
Of my emotions... //
She'd been so comfortable, sleeping there beside him, his strong leg serving as her pillow... she'd felt so *warm*, and *safe*! She'd been dreaming again, of what might come to be... of what it might mean that he'd actually *claimed* her, and asked her to come back home! And she knew he'd been surprised by the speed with which she'd agreed, but... *he* was her home! The only one she'd ever really known, and... aside from that one night that had led to all this drama, he'd never been anything but loving and sweet to her, and... Maybe, she thought fearfully, maybe he'd changed his mind... maybe he'd decided-- in the time she'd been asleep-- that she really *was* second best, after all!
It was a fear that she'd thought she'd dealt with, a fear she'd thought laid to rest when Buffy had married Riley almost four months earlier. But she might have been wrong.
What if, she wondered, he'd decided that a smallish redhead wasn't adequate compensation for a truly tiny blonde?
No! she told herself sternly, she'd *dealt* with all these self-doubts in the months she'd been apart from him! And she'd decided that... if she ever saw him again, and he still wanted her, then... she was going to *have* him.
He'd *claimed* her, as she'd done *him*, and... whatever was going on behind those deep, wounded eyes, he was *hers*, damn it! Of course, she still had to figure out how to make that clear to *him*.
// There're no words to say,
No words to convey
This feeling inside I have for you...
Deep in my heart,
Safe from the guards
Of intellect and reason...
Leaving me at a loss
For words to express my feelings,
Deep in my heart...
Deep in my heart... //
She stared at him for a moment longer, her eyes cataloguing every detail of him, before she finally nodded, slowly. "Fine," she said quietly, her voice intense, "But before you do, *I* need to tell *you* something. I hated you! For almost an entire hour, I *hated* you. I hated the fact that you could hurt me so badly with just a few well-chosen words. Hated it that you made me feel so... *worthless*, and *stupid*!" Her eyes were boring into his now, and her hands were clenched into fists on her thighs. "I hated that you made me feel like I wasn't *good* enough; like I never *could* be... and I hated it that you made me wonder if... If every time you were with *me*, you were comparing me to *Buffy*!... If you were only with me because she was engaged!" Her eyes narrowed, and she waved him silent when he would have spoken. "I'm not finished yet!" She found herself leaning towards him, her voice low and sibilant as she hissed the rest of her words. "It took me *weeks* to start feeling like myself again... *months* to understand that... I don't *care*! Whatever your reasons were, you made me happy! Until you said what you said, you made me *happy*!" She pulled her eyes from his then, and stared at her hands as she slowly forced her fingers to uncurl. "I hadn't felt that way for a very long time, Angel, and... then I left, and I missed you so much! Every day, I thought about you, even when I tried not to, and..." She wrapped her arms around herself as she shook from the force of the tears she was holding in, only to loose them when his own arms reached out, pulling her tightly against his strong chest.
// Look at me losing control
Thinking I had a hold...
But with feelings this strong,
I'm no longer the master
Of my emotions... //
He hadn't known that she was so fragile, and the thought that he'd hurt her-- far more than he'd intended-- was enough to make him curse himself. So he held her tightly, glad that they were in his car, in this unpleasant part of town, because... Had they been at the Hotel, he would have been inclined to take her to bed, and make love to her until she forgot why she'd been crying to begin with. And that wasn't actually a bad plan, he decided, but first... First, he had to make sure she understood that she wasn't a consolation prize... That *she* was the one he'd chosen, out of all the women in the world, *including* her now-married friend. "Hush..." he murmured, "Hush, my love... I'll make you happy again, I *swear* it..." His hands stroked her back soothingly as he whispered further in her ear. "You're *everything*, Willow, everything I always wanted and needed... Everything I love... Hush, baby..." He wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying, mostly because he was more interested in stopping her tears, and trying to repair the damage he'd done to her heart. Fortunately, his subconscious found exactly the right words. "I pushed you away... I'm a fool, love... I didn't know what love *was* until you..." Slow tears were trickling from his own eyes as he held her, but he smiled slightly when her sobs began to become less intense, and he held her even closer, his comments meandering into memory. "She said if you went with me, you'd *die*... And she's my *Seer*, so... I had to keep you *safe*! I couldn't go on without you in this world, Willow... *My* Willow... My *claimed*... My *Mate* soon..." His eyes flowed swiftly to golden then, when she pulled back from him. "Will?" he said almost desperately, worried until he saw the look in her eyes.
She was almost sure that her heart had skipped a beat, because... "Your *Mate*?" she repeated wonderingly, "As in... *Mate*?" It was only her hands gripping tightly to his forearms that kept her anchored to what she sincerely *hoped* was reality. Angel wanted to make her his... "*Mate*?" she said again, not entirely sure that she'd heard him right.
Angel smiled, his heart in his eyes. "Mate," he said firmly, "*My* Mate. Forever." He'd still need to tell her the full story of what Cordelia'd seen, and what had happened after, but... with her warm, sweet body pressed tightly against him once more, he thought that could wait. After a moment, however, he realized that *he* couldn't, or not for much longer, at any rate, so he reluctantly pulled away, starting the car again. "Let's get you *home*, love," he said quietly, the slightly wicked growl in his voice leaving no doubt of exactly what he was planning when they *did* get to the Hotel.
Willow giggled slightly, and scooted as close to him as possible, one small hand resting on his muscular thigh. "I'm *already* home, Angel," she said softly, gazing happily at his profile against the night sky. "I'm with *you*."
End.