TITLE: In Silence (1/1)

SERIES: Phases #7

AUTHOR: Tisienne Blue

DISCLAIMER: Joss owns all. I am not Joss. I own nothing.

RATING: PG-13-ish, I think... some naughty words, but not much else...

PAIRINGS: A/W; S/W; A/W/S...

DISTRIBUTION: Charity can have it, anyone I've said yes to for anything may also... otherwise ask... oh, and all list archives can have it, too...

FEEDBACK: please...

DEDICATIONS: for George... also: Isis, Ali, Suse, Darkgem, Lucinda, and Atie... thanks for the feedback, you rule!!!*G*

NOTES: Comes after ...Until It Ends... a bit more of the angst!!! YAY!!! I am still working without a net (read: beta), so as usual, all mistakes are my own. And * *= emphasis.

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She woke slowly, an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach. It wasn't the hunger, although she'd been expecting to feel that, it was more a sensation of... solitude. She felt *alone*, and for a moment she wondered why, until it hit her. She couldn't feel them. Either of them. It was almost as if they'd never been.

She had been able to feel Angel for well over a year. Whenever he was anywhere nearby, she'd known... *sensed* him, for lack of a better word, but now... even with the vampiric enhancement to her senses, she couldn't feel him at all! A small part of her was fighting off the sense of panic, trying to convince the rest of her that it was just because he was too far away.... maybe he was all the way across town, getting blood for them a Willie's, or... But she knew that wasn't it.

If it had only been Angel, she might have been ok, but it wasn't... she couldn't feel Spike, either... or rather, she *could* feel him, through the bond they now shared, and she could tell that he was too far away to be anywhere in Sunnydale. He had Sired her, and then *left* her, and she realized then that she had come to rely on him, on his presence... She wasn't whole without him... *and* Angel.

She had thought that they cared, each in their own way, but... obviously, she told herself, as the tears began rolling down her face, she had been wrong. She had thought that they loved her, as she loved them both, but if they had, they never would have left her... alone. She sobbed on the bed, heart-broken and scared, as she listened to the echoing silence surrounding her. What could she do now? Where could she go? Her entire world was closed off for her. She couldn't go to her friends, after all, she was a vampire now, and worse yet, she was a permanently *souled* vampire, so not even the demon community would want her. The gut-wrenching sobs shook her body as she collapsed in on herself and prayed endlessly for it all to just... stop.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

He sighed again, flipping the tape in the car stereo and running his fingers angrily through his short blond hair. He'd been warring with himself for most of the night while he sped north through the darkness. The part of him that had once been human knew that he was doing the right thing, but the other... the other part of him was still railing against his decision. She was his childe! the demon kept screaming, And he should never have left her, *especially* to that bloody souled bastard!

But he loved her too much, the human in him replied every time, far too much to ever make her unhappy, and... she loved the poof.

He didn't know what else to do. If he'd stayed, she would have ended up resenting him, hating him, eventually, and he wouldn't have been able to *stand* that! Besides, Angel would be good to her... he loved her, too, after all.

The thought of his Sire driving him on, he did something that he hadn't allowed himself to do in decades, and he... opened the link he'd shut down long ago, feeling along it to find the older vampire. He was fully prepared to shut it down again in an instant if he found that the poof was currently enjoying his time alone with the redhead, but he was in *no* way prepared for what he actually *did* feel from Angel. He cursed loudly and creatively as he swung his car into a tire-squealing turn and started back the way he'd just come... he couldn't believe that they'd left her alone.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Angel was brooding. He was sitting alone in the dark, *again*, and he was brooding like he'd never brooded in his entire existence. Of course, he'd never had such good reason before, but still... He almost wished that it had been a longer drive from Sunnydale to LA... at least when he'd been driving, he'd had something to focus on other than the gnawing ache of emptiness he felt deep within himself. Leave it to him, he thought, to go falling in love with his ex's best friend, and to screw it up, and to make her miserable. Leave it to him to drive her crazy enough that she'd tried to take her own life... and leave it to him to go and give her up to the childe he'd done nothing but hurt since the moment he'd been cursed with his soul. He sighed deeply, knowing that this was one thing he'd never be able to get over.

He'd managed, somehow, to survive the guilt of his demon's actions not just once, but twice... he'd eventually moved past the loss of the girl he'd *thought* was the great love of his life... he'd managed to apologize, in his own way, to his favourite, and most troublesome, childe... but he would never get over losing his Willow... *never*! He could feel it inside, feel the emptiness, the apathy, growing, and he didn't know what he could do about it. He wasn't even sure that he *wanted* to do anything. Maybe, if he just let it go, let it take over his entire being... maybe then he would stop hurting so much... stop feeling like he'd been torn apart and pasted sloppily back together. That was what it was, he decided. He'd been ripped apart inside, due to his own actions, and his amateurish attempts to bind himself once more into a cohesive whole had left him with perpetually raw edges that were oozing emotions like blood... it was only a matter of time before there were no feelings left.

He leaned his head against the back of his chair, closing his eyes as he waited silently for the void to suffuse his entire being, and that was, of course, when he felt the surprise shrieking through the long-unused link to his childe.

His eyes opened with a snap as he gauged, in his head, the distance he felt from the blond, and realized that his childe wasn't in Sunnydale any more than *he* was.

He flew from the chair, his eyes wild, as he snatched his coat from the floor and threw it over his head before racing out into the rising sun. If he hurried, he could be back at the mansion in much less than two hours. With any luck, she'd still be asleep.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

She'd cried out her loss, and her pain, and her sorrow, stopping on the verge of crying out her anger as well. She wanted to hold on to that for now. She didn't know *why* they'd decided to leave her, but she was for *damned* sure going to find out, and when she did... well, all she knew was that they'd better have incredibly good reasons, or she might just have to let her demon out to play! She could feel the chuckle coming from deep inside, and knew that the newest part of herself was just itching to show her what it was capable of. Somehow, she wasn't worried, though... she could tell that the demon that was now living within her would always obey her human half... her *soul*.

She sat on the couch, sipping at a mug of warmed blood and staring at the cold, empty fireplace, and considered the best way to make them pay for the pain she'd felt on awakening alone. A sly grin stretched her lips as she felt Angel cross the town border.

She could feel, through her bond with him, that Spike wasn't far behind, and decided, in that moment, to give them just a small taste of what they'd put her through. That thought in mind, she quickly raced to the kitchen, rinsing her mug and placing it back in the cupboard where she had found it, before returning to the bedroom and curling up beneath the sheets, looking for all the world as if she hadn't woken up hours before and spent the last several hours crying... and thinking.

End.

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