Rating - NC-17
Pairings - Major pairings: Angelus/William, Angelus/Darla, William/Darla. Minor pairings are various combinations of those six.
Keywords/Warnings: Found in some but not all chapters: Het and Slash Smut, Violence, Bloodplay, Torture, Rape. As you see by the pairings, I'm firmly of the opinion that as vampires, Angelus and William would have had a physical (sexual) relationship. If you don't agree, don't read this series.
Summary: This is my take on William's past, starting with being turned by Angelus, in 1880. I try to stick as close as possible to the timeline as given us by Joss Whedon where possible, but most of this is all my ideas, my attempts to "fill-in-the-blanks."
Dedications: To CrazyEvilDru, my beta and my favorite Buffy-Fic author in this world. She got me into writing smut, and then encouraged me in my first attempt at writing m/m smut, the first story of this series.
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When William woke, he was acutely aware of sharp pain in his ribs and
back He sat up and thought a minute, soon remembering the cause: the werewolf
attack. He seemed to be prone to getting into life-threatening situations,
and Angelus wasn't the only one who was getting tired of it.
He got to his feet, and removed his shirt. He had to move slowly, but
the pain wasn't *too* terrible. He was hungry, though. He had lost so much
blood, he *should* have eaten. But after his argument with Angelus, he'd
only wanted to sleep so he could stop thinking.
He pulled off his trousers, too, and went to his closet, finding some fresh clothes. He chose some dark blue pants and a black shirt, and then left his room to find Angelus. He hoped his sire wasn't too angry with him. He just wanted them to enjoy each other's company, like they'd done the earlier nights they'd hunted together.
He heard Angelus' voice as he approached his room, and opened the door without knocking. And when he saw the girl on her knees in front of his sire, pleasuring him, he growled. He walked over, and grabbed her by the hair, pulling her away. It wasn't supposed to be *her* here, it was supposed to be *him.* With that thought, he dropped to his knees in front of Angelus.
"Don't say anything, let me talk, please," he said. "Everything keeps going to hell every time I try to apologize to you, because it turns into an argument. And I know that you have every reason to be angry with me. *I'm* angry with me too, most of the time." He smiled a little and was relieved when Angelus smiled back.
"I'm not angry with you, Will, just--"
"Tired, right, I know," Spike replied. "You're not the only one. But I'm not ready to ... be with you *that* way... but..." He looked away as he tried to push away his nervousness. "But I can... I want to..."
Angelus saw the nervousness in Will's eyes, but noted there was also desire there, too. And he wished they could get to the point where Will could tell him what he wanted, without being so afraid of doing that. "Just tell me," he said, running a hand through his boy's hair. "Tell me what you want."
Spike took a deep breath. "I want to bring you pleasure," he said, looking everywhere but into his sire's eyes. "And I can. I mean, there are other ways to do that, right?" He glanced up at Angelus eyes, but had to look away again when he saw the lust in them.
"Things like?" Angelus wondered, as he regarded his childe. He hadn't expected Will to apologize again, much less do *this*, whatever this was.
Spike let his eyes roam over the pale perfect skin of Angelus' chest, and felt his desire intensify. He was growing harder by the second. When he let his eyes drop to Angelus' erection, he knew that the situation wasn't one-sided. "Like..." He took a deep breath as he placed his hands on the older vampire's legs, and moved them toward his very hard shaft. He stroked it a few times, smiling when Angelus groaned, and then leaned closer and took him into his mouth.
He was determined to remind Angelus he was better at bringing him pleasure than anyone else. The nagging voice in the back of his head tried to change his mind about what he was doing, but Spike wouldn't listen to it. This was something he *could* and would do for his sire without fear of being hurt.
Angelus moaned and slid his hands into Will's hair, wanting but trying to keep from forcing his childe to take him deeper down his throat. He'd been angry at first when Will had burst into the room and pulled Anna away. But when he'd seen the look in Will's eyes, he'd decided to wait to see if his childe would either talk about or act on that jealousy. He was glad he *had* waited.
He groaned when Will did let him slide down his throat and began to work his muscles around him. "Yess," he hissed. "Like that... that's perfect...." he said. Will looked up at him, and the need he saw in those eyes, along with the fact that it had been nearly two weeks since his childe had willingly pleasured him, sent him over the edge much sooner than he would have liked. "Will!" he shouted, shooting his seed down the boy's throat.
He looked into Angelus' eyes briefly and moaned when the desire in them made him grow aroused instantly. And then Angelus came, spilling down his throat. When Angelus yelled his name, Spike closed his eyes and willed himself not to follow his sire into orgasm. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin a rare perfect moment.
Spike drank him down and then licked his member clean, and then sat back. Now came the moment he had expected, the sudden uncomfortable silence. He didn't regret what he'd done, but he also didn't want to talk about it either, as he was sure Angelus would want to. He didn't want to analyze what had happened, or explain it.
Angelus didn't like the sudden awkwardness between them, but knew it was only to be expected. William had taken a big chance, of the sort that he had wanted, and now he wasn't sure where that left them. "Will." He took the boy's chin in his hand and raised it so he'd meet his eyes. "You were right, we can do other things, especially that, since it's one thing you've always been good at."
Spike smiled and looked away. "I just... can we go feed now?"
Angelus nodded, refastening his pants. "Of course we can. How are you feeling?" he wondered.
"There's a little pain, but I'll survive," Spike said. He got to his feet, and the room started to spin. He reached out for something to steady himself, and Angelus provided that assistance.
Angelus grabbed Will around the waist when he swayed. "Just a little pain?" he questioned.
"Right, well, I wasn't dizzy before now," Spike said. "I think I'm just hungry."
"I'm hungry too, but I'm not about to fall over," Angelus replied. "You *did* lose a lot of blood when you were attacked. You fed afterward, though, didn't you?"
Spike looked away, suddenly irritated by his lack of common sense. "I... "
Angelus sighed. "Forgot, right?" he asked. "Well, that explains how weak you feel now. Drink." He tilted his head back, offering his throat.
"You shouldn't have to keep saving me from my own thoughtlessness," Spike said, even as he moved closer and accepted the offer. He closed his eyes and gripped Angelus' shoulders, savoring the taste and power of the blood filling him.
Angelus groaned as he grew aroused again by the act of his boy feeding from him. And when William drew closer, he felt the young vampire's erection pressing against his hip. Angelus wrapped an arm around his childe, enjoying the moment, knowing it would end even though he didn't want it to.
But it did. In another minute, William stiffened and pulled away again. "Sire... thank you," he said. "I already feel better."
"You'll feel much better after you've been well-fed," Angelus said. "But that will be after I've assured myself your wounds aren't infected." He helped Will sit, and said, "Take off your shirt." To his relief, the boy did as he said rather than arguing. When he'd removed his shirt, Angelus started to remove the bandages. There was one encircling his waist, and one circling from the right shoulder down under the left arm, and around again. He removed the one around Will's waist first, and then removed a large square bandage over his left ribcage.
There was a large area where the skin had been torn away, most likely caused by a bite, and next to this, were a series of gashes, probably caused by claws digging into the skin. "These seem to be healing, at least," Angelus said. "Let's see what else the beast did," he added as he unwound the other bandage. He felt another small bandage on Will's upper back, and moved behind him to see what it covered. It was on his right shoulder, and as he pulled it away, it revealed another bite wound. "Well, the werewolf definitely got you, Will."
"It caught me by surprise," Spike replied, not liking Angelus' condescending tone. "And when I started to fight, that's when Michael showed up."
"I'm not saying I would have done much better on my own," Angelus said. "But if I'd been with you, I could have protected you." He replaced the bandages again. "There's no reason to keep talking about what should have happened, however. From now on, I *will* protect you."
Spike nodded as he put his shirt back on. "I know."
Angelus was pleasantly surprised by this remark. "Let's go eat, while the humans are still easy to find." He retrieved a red shirt from his closet and put it on.
Spike stood, feeling less shaky than before, and moaned as he was reminded of his erection. He'd grown harder when he fed from Angelus, and now it wasn't something he could easily ignore. *Maybe I can get a quick fuck with a victim, soon,* he hoped as he walked to the door.
Angelus wasn't oblivious to William's discomfort, and had every intention of doing something about it, when the time was right. For now, however, he followed the younger vampire downstairs and outside. He ordered a minion to bring the carriage, and after a short wait, they were inside it, on the way into the city.
By the way William was fidgeting, Angelus could tell he was so aroused it had to be uncomfortable. "Do you need something, Will?" he asked.
Spike turned to him, embarrassed that he'd attracted notice. And he couldn't tell, by the look on Angelus' face, whether he'd realized what the problem was. Of course he could smell the desire, but that was probably becoming common enough when they were together. "Um... no. I'm... I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?" Angelus wondered, sliding closer and placing a hand on his boy's thigh. "I just thought this looked quite painful," he added, brushing his fingers lightly over his childe's groin, making him moan.
Spike nodded, not seeing any reason to deny the truth. "I'll take care of it once I find a victim," he said.
Angelus frowned. "Wouldn't you like me to take care of it?" he asked, and smiled when William's whimper answered that question.
Spike swallowed hard, trying to hold onto what little control he still had after having experienced a clear mental image of Angelus 'taking care of it'. "I... you don't have to," he said, even while he mentally screamed at himself for uttering *that* sentence.
"No," Angelus agreed, "You're right, I don't..." He pressed his palm against the bulge in his childe's pants, savoring his moan. "But as you said earlier, there are things we can do other than sexual intercourse, to find pleasure. And since you used that talented mouth to bring me pleasure, I'm willing to do something now to help *you* find pleasure." He pressed harder, and Will gasped. "All you have to do is ask," he added, and then removed his hand.
Spike whimpered before he could stop himself. All he had to do was ask. He could do that... couldn't he? *Yes! Say something, you bloody idiot!* He screamed at himself. "I... Sire, please..." *Say something coherent!* Spike took a deep breath, and met Angelus' eyes. "Please... help me get release..." he begged.
"I can do that," Angelus said, as he unfastened the younger vampire's pants and slid his hand inside, grasping his erection. His childe moaned, and arched into his touch. "Look at me, Will," Angelus urged when his boy's eyes fell shut. The younger vampire obeyed and Angelus was pleased by the need he saw in those blue eyes.
He began to move his hand quickly back and forth along Will's member, creating a friction that made the younger vampire start to breathe heavily in seconds. "Is that good?" he asked with a smile.
"Yessssss," Will moaned. "Too good... I'm ... I'm so close..." He whimpered.
Angelus pulled his hand away and refastened Will's pants. He pressed a finger to his lips to silence the protest that was about to be uttered, and met the accusing eyes. "I *will* make you find release, but not quite yet," he said. "And don't argue with me," he warned. "If you go along with my plan, the pleasure will be so intense you'll hardly be able to stand it."
Spike ignored the string of curses rolling through his brain, choosing to just play along Even though he was so hard he could barely think straight, the look in Angelus' eyes wasn't angry. So that meant this wasn't punishment, and whatever would happen, Spike thought he *would* enjoy it.
The carriage came to a stop and he exited, followed by Angelus. Angelus seemed to have a destination in mind, so Spike let him lead the way. After a few blocks, they reached the tavern they'd been in quite frequently. There always seemed to be a poker game going, and there were also always no shortage of whores wandering around trying to seduce a drunk man out of some money.
"Stay here," Angelus said, as he walked over to the bar. William watched as he spoke to one of the whores, and then lost interest, as one after another of them then tried her luck getting his sire's interest. Especially when the last one approached. She was his typical choice, a blonde with big breasts. Spike frowned. Angelus' plan seemed to have been quickly forgotten. So he went over to the poker table and watched the men there play a few hands.
He saw movement up the stairs out of the corner of his eye, and glanced over there. To his surprise, Angelus was leading his new friend upstairs, and didn't even spare him a glance. *Well, he's not the only one who can have a fuck tonight,* he decided. He walked over to the bar, and eyed the women, waiting to be approached.
Five minutes later, he was still waiting. So he went up to one of them, a red-haired skinny girl named Michele he'd been with quite often. "Hello Michele, remember me?" he asked with a smile.
"Um... no... and I'm afraid I've made all my appointments for the night," she said, and then quickly hurried away.
He watched her for a minute, and saw her approach a man at a nearby table. By the surprised look on his face, Spike guessed that he hadn't been one of her "appointments". And he didn't understand why she'd snubbed him like that. She'd always told him how good he was in bed.
*Well, it doesn't matter, there are other girls,* he decided, and approached another one.
********
Angelus walked downstairs after his fifth fuck of the night and saw Will was still sitting at the poker table, where he'd been two hours earlier. His earlier discussions with the ladies must have worked then. He could only imagine how much pain Will was in from his arousal, and he guessed his poker game was also suffering because of it.
"Bloody 'ell!" he screamed, and got up, moving to the bar. *Good guess,* Angelus thought, and walked over to his childe.
"You enjoyin' yerself?" Will asked, sparing a moment to glare at him.
"I am; aren't you?" Angelus asked, barely suppressing a grin.
"I will be," Spike said, "since I'm getting out of 'ere now," he added, and turned away.
Angelus grabbed him by the arm. "Will, don't pout."
"I'm NOT--" Spike stopped himself, not so drunk yet that he wanted to make a scene. "I don't know what you told those whores but it worked like a charm," he growled. "Not one of 'em'll touch me. So very funny, Angelus, but I'm not playing anymore. I'm going somewhere I can actually enjoy myself."
"You're not going anywhere, just yet," Angelus said, firmly. "I'm going back upstairs." He didn't let go when his childe tried to pull away, instead gripping his arm tighter. "You will wait ten minutes, and then come join us. Room 210." He stepped closer and leaned in to whisper in Will's ear, "And then you'll be screaming in pleasure so loudly the whole place will hear."
He pulled back and when he saw the lust in Will's eyes he knew his childe wouldn't be leaving. "Ten minutes," he repeated, and then walked away.
Spike groaned and sat down, staring at the clock. Ten minutes wasn't that long, normally, but he knew these next ten minutes would probably feel like ten years.
********
Spike got to his feet as the clock finally hit the ten minute mark. His erection was throbbing so painfully he could hardly walk, but he somehow made it to the stairs and up to the room. *210...* he remembered, but when he heard the moans he knew they were coming from the room he wanted. And he was right. He heard Angelus' voice, along with a female's... no, more than one female. His penis twitched as he wondered what he was getting into.
Angelus smiled when he heard the hesitant knock. "Come in, Will," he called. He watched the door waiting for his boy to enter, knowing the look on his face would be priceless.
And he was right. At first, there was obvious desire, but then, it was replaced by what seemed to be anger, but was more likely jealousy. Or so he hoped. It was exactly what he'd seen earlier when Will had pulled Anna away. He'd wanted to be certain, though, and that was the reason for making Williiam suffer this unsatisfied desire for so long. He had to make sure Will would be beyond wanting to lie to him, before confronting him about his emotions.
"Shut the door, William, no need to share the view with any others," he said. "Ladies," he added, "this is William. You might know him already, he does come here often. Will, this is Michele," he indicated the red haired girl on his right, "Renee," he indicated the blonde on his left, "and... Regina," he said, pushing the brunette away from his softening penis. "All quite good at earning their pay, I might add."
Will didn't say anything, but looked less than thrilled as he shut the door behind him and then glanced from one woman to the next.
"Sit down," Angelus said, pointing to a chair against the wall to the left of the bed, where his childe would get a good view of his enjoyment. He watched as Will obeyed and then he rolled over on top of Michele. He sank into her easily, making her cry out and wrap her legs around his hips. The other two made themselves comfortable, content to watch. And they weren't the only ones. Angelus could feel his childe's eyes on them as well.
He turned to look at Will, as he began to thrust into Michele, slowly. "Do you like what you see?" he wondered.
"Y-yes," Spike replied, even though it was only half-true. He enjoyed watching Angelus taking this girl, but at the same time, he also hated it. He wasn't sure why that was, except maybe it was that Angelus seemed to be enjoying the fact that he was torturing him by taunting him with what he couldn't have yet. He'd always disliked that controlling part of his sire, and never cared to be confronted by it.
"Are you sure?" Angelus asked, frowning. "You don't look too happy."
"I just... need .. release," Spike said. He bit his lip as he grew even *more* aroused when Angelus quickened his thrusts.
"I know that," Angelus said, flipping himself and Michele over, so that she straddled him. She started to move again, and he turned back to William. "But I get the feeling there's something else..." As he watched William, he noted that his childe had only spared the girls a glance, but couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from *him.* He was right. William was jealous, and now he just had to get him to admit it.
Spike shook his head. "I'm not... I told you I just need--"
"You've always been a poor liar, Will," Angelus interrupted him. "You've got the same look you had earlier when you grabbed Anna by the hair and pulled her off me. So what is it..." He trailed off and moaned when Michele tightened her inner walls around him, sending him into orgasm. He heard her whimper, but also heard another whimper. "Not yet, Boy," he groaned.
When he could think clearly again, he turned back to his childe. He'd slid his hand inside his pants, and Angelus frowned. "Will--"
"You said not yet, and I'm trying," Spike interrupted his sire before he could get angry. "But please, I can't hold out much longer," he pleaded.
"Answer my question first," Angelus said as he began to stroke his penis lightly. He saw Will's eyes travel downward and then back up again, and smiled. "The sooner you answer me, the sooner you'll have that much-needed orgasm."
Spike shook his head. Angelus could be so stubborn sometimes. And in this case, he was completely wrong. "I'm not upset--"
"Don't *argue*," Angelus growled. He grabbed Renee by her hair and pulled her toward his erection. "And maybe you haven't even realized what's upsetting you. But I'm sure if you *think* about it, you'll figure it out."
Spike growled as the blonde took Angelus' erection into her mouth. She was just a waste of Angelus' time, she couldn't make him as happy as he could. Just like Anna couldn't, and neither could the other two that were-- *No, I'm not... I can't be...*
Angelus could tell when Will realized what *he* had suspected all night. "Stop," he said to Renee, pushing her away. He sat up and turned to his childe, "Do you want them to leave?" he asked. He didn't want to humiliate Will, only to get him to face what he was feeling.
Spike was relieved by the offer, and nodded. He didn't care about admitting his jealousy to Angelus as much, if it wasn't going to be in front of an audience. He watched his sire get to his feet and pay the girls, and realized those three had probably been the older vampire's favorites, since he wasn't going to feed from any of them. Maybe he'd already fed, though. He'd taken many girls upstairs in the last two hours, and Spike hadn't bothered to see how many had made it back downstairs again.
Angelus shut the door after the three whores had finally gotten dresssed and left. He turned back to Will, who still didn't look too happy. "So are you ready to tell me what's wrong?" he asked, sittting down on the bed again.
Spike was in too much pain to argue, even though he wasn't thrilled with the way Angelus had chosen to get him to admit this. "Yes, I was jealous, all right? "
"Jealous of me?" Angelus asked, knowing the answer but needing to hear it.
"No," Spike growled. Sometimes his sire was so damn stubborn he wondered *why* he was still attracted to him. "Of them. You happy now?"
"Yes," Angelus said. "And you can be upset with me, if you wish, but at any time tonight you could have said something to me. You chose not to."
"I didn't *know*, Angelus!" Spike yelled.
"You could have, if you had wanted to," Angelus replied. "You've tried for so long to hate me that you deny you might possibly think or feel something contrary to that."
"Whatever you say, and you got what you wanted, so can we go hunt now?" he asked, refastening his pants and heading out of the room. Angelus was so smug sometimes he wanted to just hit him and keep hitting him until that smug smile was gone.
Angelus followed, choosing to ignore Will's foul mood for the moment. The boy would get over it more quickly if he didn't let himself be baited into a long, drawn-out argument, which was Will's usual defensive reaction after being proven vulnerable to his sire.
They walked downstairs and outside, and Angelus had to hurry to keep up with his childe. But that only lasted for about half a block, and then William slowed down, his eyes narrowing in a way Angelus knew meant he'd picked his prey. He moved across the street, more deliberately now, and Angelus hung back, preferring to watch his childe at play instead.
Spike did everything possible to make it seem he was oblivious to Angelus' presence as they walked down the street, but nothing could be further from the truth. He was angry with his sire, but only because he'd been forced to admit something that didn't help keep Angelus at a distance. And though he didn't really want to keep that distance between them, at the time he didn't think it was helpful letting Angelus know that. Wanting and doing were two different things, something that he'd tried hard to make his sire understand.
Even with these conflicts inside him, he managed to find a victim to feed on. A young couple of lovers stood across the street, oblivious to everything but each other. *I remember what that's like,* Spike thought. *I miss Dru. Things are better with her around.*
He walked across the street and pretended to look at some merchandise in a store window, until the couple started walking again. He then continued following them, smiling when he saw that they were making their way toward a park. *I love my luck* he thought.
He stayed far enough behind them not to attract suspicion, and stood behind a tree when they made themselves comfortable on a bench by the river. "You can have the girl," he said, and then walked over to the humans.
He wasn't interested in games, just getting what he wanted, so he grabbed the young man by his neck and lifted him off the bench. He heard the girl's attempt to scream silenced and knew Angelus had her well under control. The man tried to fight him, but his struggles only made Spike squeeze his neck harder. He threw him face down on the ground and watched as he started to crawl away and then stopped as he remembered his companion.
"Decisions, decisions," Spike said, walking over. "You wanna run, but you wanna save her, too, don'tcha? You could scream for help, but then we'll just kill you both faster. So what else you thinkin' about? Fighting? Two against one, not great odds. Just accept it. You're both dead."
"What do you want?" the man asked, looking from him to Angelus. "Money?"
"Got plenty o' that," Spike shook his head.
"What, then? We'll give you anything you want--"
"You're right about that," Spike said with a grin, before he tackled the man and tore into his throat. He pulled away after a few swallows, and flipped the man over. He also had other needs to take care of. He yanked down the human's pants and unfastened his own, freeing his aching erection. Blocking out the man's pleas, he pushed inside the man's hole, moaning at the heat which enveloped him. The man started to scream, but in his weakened state from the blood loss, he wasn't loud enough to attract attention.
Spike was determined not to hear the begging and whimpering. He didn't care about the man's fear or pain, except that it heightened his own pleasure. He was a demon, and demons showed no mercy, esepcially to their prey. He began to thrust more quickly, knowing it wouldn't take long to find the release he had been so desperate for.
He grabbed the human by the hair and yanked his head back, tearing into his throat again, drinking down the blood which flowed freely. *Keep screaming, I don't care* he thought. *I have the power now! I'll take everything from you and you can't stop me!* With that thought, he gave one final thrust into the man's body, and growled as he fell over the edge into his orgasm.. He kept thrusting until he was finished, and then just lay there, continuing to drink until the human was drained.
Angelus had drank from the female quickly, more interested in watching Will. And now it was *his* turn to be so aroused it was painful. He had never seen Will like this, so indifferent to anything other than his appetite. He had never been gentle, before, but he'd also never raped someone either, that Angelus was aware of. Not that Angelus minded watching him do so. He hadn't been able to tear his eyes away from the sight of his childe being so vicious, so forceful in taking his pleasure.
Will finally pulled away, refastening his pants. He glanced over at him, and something in his eyes must have given away his thoughts because the boy whimpered softly and looked away. Angelus got to his feet and walked over. "We should go, before someone notices the bodies," he said, and held out his hand to help Will stand.
Spike took the offered hand, no longer angry with Angelus. And now that he'd proven to himself and his sire he wasn't as weak as he had earlier seemed, he was also no longer disgusted with himself. "I'm ready to go home, if you are," he said.
"I am," Angelus replied, and led Will out of the park, using a different path than the one by which they had came. His childe didn't try to pull his hand free, and Angelus didn't release it. Moments when they were this comfortable with each other were too rare to ruin by causing them to end too quickly.
Angelus didn't let go of his hand as they started back toward the carriage, and Spike didn't try to get free. He often tried to deny it to both of them, but he did miss the closeness they had once shared. *I wonder what'll happen to ruin it this time,* he wondered, and then tried to push that thought away. Nothing would, unless they *let* it.
They walked quickly, taking the alleyways just to be safe, and soon reached the carriage. He got in first, and before he could even turn to look at Angelus, he was pulled close and kissed, possessively. Angelus' hands tangled in his hair, and Spike moaned, suckling on the tongue which thrust inside his mouth repeatedly. When Angelus pulled away, he couldn't help whimpering in disappointment.
Angelus ended the kiss, reluctantly, but not wanting to push to the point in which he would be pushed away. The night had been good, and unlike other "good" nights together, he didn't want this one to end in an argument.
The carriage came to a stop outside their home, and they went inside. "It's been a long night, we should get some rest," Angelus said.
"Right," Spike nodded.
Angelus grabbed the back of his childe's head and pulled him closer, kissing him quickly. "I'll see you tomorrow evening," he said, turning toward the stairs.
"No!" Spike yelled, and then winced when he heard his tone of voice. Angelus turned back to him, and he said, "I mean, please, wait."
"What is it, Will?" Angelus wondered.
"Sire, could I... um... Do you mind..." Spike closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to get a grip on himself. *Bloody hell! Stop acting like the tongue-tied twit you were as a human!* He opened his eyes again and met those of his sire. "May I stay in your room today?"
"You may," Angelus replied, and smiled when he noticed the relief in Will's eyes. His boy had been worried he would refuse? Perhaps he'd thought their recent arguments meant he wouldn't want to be close to Will unless his childe were willing to be intimate with him. That wasn't the case at all. He didn't mind spending time with his boy, he just minded the conflicting messages he received from him at times.
They walked upstairs and Angelus opened his door, motioning Will to enter first. He saw the flash of nervousness in those blue eyes before Will walked into the room. *Well, that is to be expected,* he reasoned. *He's taking a chance; it would be natural that he's tempted to second-guess that decision.*
He followed William inside the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Will glanced at the bed, then glanced at the floor, then glanced back at him, then back at the floor again. Angelus decided to try to put his childe more at ease. "Did you enjoy yourself tonight?" he asked.
"Wha--" Spike looked at Angelus and realized he probably shouldn't get lost in thought right now, especially when those thoughts were 'What the hell are you doing?' "I did," he said, and then lost his train of thought as he watched Angelus remove his shirt. He looked away when he saw Angelus' smile, and said, "I can sleep on the floor, if you don't mind letting me have a blanket."
"The bed is big enough for four people, there's no reason for you to sleep on the floor," Angelus said.
"I just thought... I don't want to argue," Spike said. "So it'll be better--"
"Will, I know the difference between your wanting to sleep in the same bed with me and your wanting to be sexually intimate with me. So get in that bed before we *do* start fighting," Angelus said.
"I'm sorry," Spike said, "I didn't mean--"
Angelus grabbed his childe's face in his hands and silenced him with a kiss. "Stop talking," he ordered.
Spike nodded, and turned away, removing his clothes. *He's not going to do anything I don't want. Just relax,* he told himself. He got into bed quickly, pulling the sheet and blankets up around him. He was nervous as hell about being in Angelus' bed, but he still wanted it. He could handle it, as long as he kept himself from panicking.
Angelus watched as Will removed his clothes, and wondered if this was such a good idea. But he wanted to at least try. They hadn't shared a bed in... too long. Besides, he could control himself, he was well-trained in that regard. He chuckled when his childe burrowed under the blankets, to the point in which only the top of his head was showing. He didn't say anything, though, realizing that Will was just nervous and ridiculing him would upset him.
He removed his pants and pulled the blankets back, slipping into bed. Will's back was turned to him, and he could sense the fear and desire, seeming to be warring against each other equally. He tried to ignore this, but after several minutes he realized that was hopeless. He was William's sire, and as such, he felt it whenever his childe was suffering. He was usually able to block out the physical suffering, he had to, since he often was forced to cause it. And he had once been able to block out feeling other emotions, as well, but that had never been as easy with this childe. And it still wasn't, especially when he was well aware he was the cause of Will's emotions.
He sighed and reached over, sliding an arm around William's waist. His boy tensed, but didn't resist as he was pulled back against Angelus' body. He jerked in surprise and his fear and desire both intensified as he felt the evidence of Angelus' arousal pressed against his backside. "Sleep now, William," Angelus said quietly, nuzzling the back of his childe's neck, before the boy could fight. He hoped the boy would just relax, for once. "Just sleep."
Spike nodded, and tried to force his body to relax. *He isn't going to hurt me* he chanted to himself repeatedly. Part of him felt comforted at being held, but another part was terrified by the possibilty that Angelus *could* hurt him, any moment, and Spike wouldn't be able to stop him. Of course, that possibility had always been present, but Angelus hadn't forced him to do anything he didn't want to in almost two weeks.
He took a shaky breath, and cursed at himself for showing his fear so openly. He just needed to relax. He'd spent so many nights in the past sharing a bed with Angelus, just sleeping. He just needed to relax.
Angelus heard the shaky intake of breath, an obvious attempt by Will to calm himself, and sighed in regret more than irritation. He remembered a time when this childe had seemed to live for the days when he and Angelus would share a bed. Many days he wouldn't fall asleep at all until he was wrapped in his sire's arms, and then and only then he'd drift off instantly. He also remembered countless evenings he'd wake with Will's arms and legs wrapped around him, gripping him almost desperately, even in sleep. But now he was disturbed by just being held. He thought back to those early days, and tried to think of what he could do that he knew would calm this childe.
Spike continued to tell himself that Angelus wasn't going to hurt him, wishing a miracle would happen to cause him to believe it. He was startled when his sire began to purr. It seemed to reach something deep inside him, and he felt his body begin to relax. "Sire," he whispered and knew what he was feeling. It was something he hadn't felt in weeks: the deep bond between them, the feeling of connection, the knowledge of Angelus as his creator and protector. He no longer felt the panic, nor the urge to get away. For the first time in a very long time, he felt completely safe in Angelus' arms.
"Yes, Childe," Angelus replied with a smile. He felt his boy's body relax in his hold, finally acknowledging this deepest of connections between them, the one that nothing and no one could remove. "Sleep now," he repeated, kissing Will's shoulder and then laying his head back against the pillow. Will took another deep breath and seemed to relax even more.
Soon the two were both asleep.