Paring: S/A, S/X friendship (and some slashysess a kiss or two or more-maybe? just read!)
Rating: R (I don't know)
Spoilers: BtVS S6&S7 , AtS S3
Summery: After Buffy's death Spike struggles to find a place among the Scoobies achieving that, until another major tragedy caused him to seek help in someone he used to belong to?(crapy I know)
Disclaimer: they belong to Joss though we borrowed Spike Xander and Angel and dammit we'll take out time!!
Distribution: no way!!! Sure you can if you don't I'd let you meat my Ripper. Just tell me first.
Author (Mera) note: Hi our first fic ever. Hope you like it. Buffy lovers beware (don't worry no bashing) our slayer may not make an appearance in this story (she already had he second chance). Many authors I fb told me I should try my hand in writing instead of bothering them *g* so if there's someone to blame for the badness of this it's them (I was drawn into it, I'm weak *weeping*)
Author's note 2: thanks to Janet for beta-ing I couldn't have gotten it out without your support, thank you, you are a gem!
Author's note 3: parts 1-3 are not betaed!!!! So don't blame Janet for the faults
Italics & *& capitals = emphasize ~ = thoughts { = author M untimely notes (I couldn't help my self lol)
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~Part: 1~
It was noon, at the cemetery...
Spike was watching Buffy’s funeral from the shadows. The whole Scooby
Gang was there with Buffy’s relatives- most of them from her mom’s side.
Her stupid excuse of a father hadn't bothered to come. He heard Willow
telling talking with Rupert about how he hadn't even called.
The vampire stood there watching Willow crying in Xander’s embrace,
Dawn in Tara’s, Giles was touching the tomb stone, eyes filled with tears,
and Anya was patting his shoulder. The L.A. group couldn’t make it to the
funeral ~ something to do with another dimension, or whatever Red said~
Spike thought while he took a drag from his cigarette. The poof and
his humans were going to arrive tonight and swing by Buffy's tomb before
heading back to Los Angeles tomorrow.
When night fell, he stepped out from the shadows and approached the
now lonely grave. Everyone had headed back to Buff... - ~I guess it’s Dawn’s
house now~ he thought bitterly-a couple hours ago.
Looking at the inscriptions, tears swelled his eyes, here lied the
awful truth in front of him, the truth he still couldn’t believe......~she’s
dead~ he kept repeating it but his mind couldn't accept it. ~She’s Dead!!~.
His eyes glistened in anger. He failed. Buffy trusted him and he failed
her. He was supposed to do one thing, look after Dawn and he failed and
Buffy paid for it with her life. It was his fault.
She shouldn't have died, shouldn’t have sacrificed her life when she’s
got her sister and her friends in it. The one who should have died was
*Him*. He didn’t have friends and wasn't loved so why the hell should
*he* live!!
"Spike?"
Spike heard the questioning tone in his sire’s voice behind him and
quickly brushed his hand across his eyes. He didn't want Angel to see his
tears even though he knew that the older vampire could smell them. He turned
to face his sire.
"Angel."
Angel stood next to Spike and stared at the tomb. Spike could smell
the sadness and guilt all over the brunet vampire. ~ It’s not possible
that Peaches is feeling guilty over Buffy’s death, is it?! ~ he thought
surprised.
"So she’s dead. I always knew this day would come," Angel spoke softly.
"I could’ve stopped it."
Angel sighed deeply. “Spike, what’s done is done. There’s no need to
blame yourself over it."
“Even though it clearly is, it should have been me I’m the one who
hadn’t… ” Spike glanced at Angel with anger then sighed, “Look, she didn't
deserve to die. She has a sister and friends. It wasn’t her time!! She
was young," he whispered stating the obvious.
"Most slayers died younger than Buffy. She must’ve been the oldest
one" Angel said not noticing what Spike intended to say about himself.
"Yah, but.... she was different" Spike said staring at the ground.
"I know" Angel spoke softly.
Spike felt the souled vampire staring at him. "I’ve never imagined
you to love her."
Spike smiled bitterly at the amazed tone. “Never one to envision it
myself."
"Look at us, two vampires, a sire and a childe in love with a slayer.
Who would’ve ever thought of that?" Angel chuckled sadly.
Spike remained silent, feeling the brown eyes on him. “What are you
going to do now?" the older vampire asked.
"Huh?"
"Now that Buffy’s dead, what are you going to do?"
Spike shrugged. “I dunno’."
"Will you leave?"
"I dunno."
Angel nodded turning his gaze towards the tomb again. He said conversationally,
"Giles is going to London."
Spike jerked his head looking at him in disbelief. "What?!!" he growled.
"That's what he said back at Bu... the house," Angel's calmness drove
Spike over the edge. He grabbed the taller vamp by the collar, eyes flashing
yellow. "He can't just run off and leave the Bit alone!!!" h snarled angrily
but Angel didn't even flinch.
The older vamp looked down at his childe with calm eyes. "Spike, Dawn
is not alone. She has Willow, Xander and the others to look after her,"
Angel said trying to reason with him, but Spike didn't look convinced.
"No, Giles is the one who's capable of taken care of her, the girl
needs a father! Her own fuck up of a da wasn't there at his elder's funeral!
How do you expect him to be there for the bit! Rupert can't leave, not
now!"
Angel gazed at Spike who was tense, obviously having strong thoughts.
~ How could Giles leave like this? How can he act this irresponsible?
Hadn’t he thought about the Little Bit? What would happen to her when he
leaves? ~ The blond vampire thought while making his dissuasion.
"I'm going to stay," he said in a firm voice.
"What?" Angel exclaimed expecting anything other than this. He expected
since Spike's obsession with Buffy ended do to her death he would leave
Sunnydale, the place the witnessed a lot of his defeats and caused him
a lot of anguish. He assumed that the blond would search for his Dark Princess
and find away to get back in her good graces again. But not choose to stay
here for another reason.
"I have to stay here for Dawn."
"Spike, Dawn is not your responsibility, besides you were only nice
to her to make Buffy notice you’re…”
"Wrong," Spike snapped. "I love Dawn for her nothing to do with Buffy!"
Angel shook his head with a sigh. Spike knew the old poof wasn't convinced,
which made him beyond raged. How could *he* think of him like that? How
could he not trust him? He should know him better than that. He is his
sire.
"You don't believe me? How could you not? You're the one who’s supposed
to believe me, to understand. Always thought that you knew me better than
anyone else," Spike snarled; hurt. The only person in this world who knew
him better was Angel and now...
"Spike...."
"I love them all," Spike said trying to explain. "I love Dawn and…
and loved Buffy and Joyce... even the others. All of them grew on me and
now...I kinda like them and want 'em safe." He snorted in disbelief, "I
can't believe I'm standing here trying to convince you! The hell with you,
don't care what you think of me."
He turned his heals attempting to leave. The reason why he was explaining
this to Angel was because he was his sire, who was supposed to know him
better who wasn't suppose to need an explanation because he should've read
it in his blood. ~ And Angel always acted like the best sire, ~ he thought
sarcastically. Since that Ponce got a soul he forgot all his duties towards
his childer and went to God knows where leaving him and Dru to that bitch.
He hadn't exchanged blood with him for over a hundred years. How could
he understand him again?
He knew he should keep walking but he couldn't leave he had one more
thing to say.
"If the group of L.A. is you family then this is mine,” he said flatly
then took off.
Angel wanted to call him to say something but not knowing what he just
stood there, feeling a little… guilty?
~Part: 2~
Three nights later…
Spike went to Giles' house to find all the Scoobies there. Nobody had
noticed the blond vampire coming in as Giles was speaking.
"I know we're in mourning right now and it has been a week since Buffy
passed away. However, this must not discourage us of our duty towards others.
Their lives are our responsibility now. We should continue on patrolling
starting from tonight."
"Shouldn't they send another slayer? You know, when one slayer dies
another one is called."
“Yes Xander, but we cannot wait for another to arrive; we must move
as quickly as possible, as I said earlier we have a responsibility towards
the lives of countless people and the world."
"Giles is right, we helped with patrolling when Buffy was alive we
can't just stop now because she's …gone," Willow said in a hitching voice.
"I will help too," Dawn stated. Giles turned to her.
"No, Dawn you’re not coming with us," Giles said with a firm tone.
"I’m fifteen years old. I’m not a kid anymore!" the teenager whined.
"I said no!"
"Buffy was my sister and I'm gonna help. Please Giles don't shut me
out" Dawn pleaded almost at tears herself.
Giles sighed heavily pinching the bridge of his nose. "All right, but
you’re not to go off one your own."
"OK," Dawn agreed eagerly.
“Right then, I’m going to split us to three groups. Willow and Tara
are in one team; Dawn, Anya and I are in another, Xander and Spike, you’re
together"
Noticing Spike, “I’m gonna be with fangless here!" Xander whined.
"Well, I’m not too thrilled to be on your team either, mate," Spike
said calmly. That earned him a very hateful look from Xander, to which
Spike ignored.
After patrolling, everyone headed home. Spike noted with satisfaction
that Willow and Tara were living at the Summers’ residence to be there
for Dawn. It was convenient but not enough, as far as the blonde vampire
was concerned. Therefore, Spike followed the ex-watcher to his house. Giles
noticing he was being followed, stopped, and turned to face the vampire.
"What do you want, Spike?" he asked bored.
"You can't leave!" Spike said straight to the point.
Giles, who -from the night he announced his soon to come departure-has
been expecting this although not from Spike, answered, "This is none of
your business”
"Who’s going to stay with Nibblet?"
"I have to leave," Giles said not wanting to get into the details.
Spike intercepted, "But this is your family and Dawn can't survive
losing another part of it now. Also, she needs a guardian!"
"And I supposed I should take up that job?" Giles asked with a raised
eyebrow.
"Then who?" Spike snapped. "Harris is going to marry the ex-demon,
the witches have college or do you want them to drop so they could have
time to be there for the Nibblet like Buffy did? And me? I’m a vampire!!
I can't be her legal guardian, I don’t exist. You’re the only one who can
do that!"
Giles was staring at Spike quietly listening to him. The vampire was
producing sound logic and he knew it. He was just trying to avoid it because
he really wanted to go to London, needed to go, but really... what about
Dawn? What will happen to her?
"How could you leave her when she got no one? Even her bastard of a
father didn't show for his daughter’s funeral!"
Giles knew that, knew all of it. He thought about it several times
before, it’s what made it so hard to leave and he knew everyone was thinking
the same thing but didn't dare tell him that. It surprised him that Spike
was the one that stood up. He didn't doubt the vampire’s ability to talk
to him that way but he didn't think he'd care. Well, maybe it was true
that he cared about Dawn.
"You know Rupert; if you really need to go to the home land you can
go for a week or a month. The others can take care of The Little Bit for
that long but not forever" Spike said the last part softly.
As Spike expected, Giles took off his glasses, cleaned them then put
them back on while talking. "You know Spike, since you got that chip in
your head I’ve been amazed with your actions but recently you showed a
real good side of you," He smiled at Spike. "I’ll go to Briton for a week
but after signing the guardianship papers.”
Spike's eyes widened and Giles smirked a truly Ripper like smile and
said, "We don't want her under that bastard's care now do we?"
Spike's face lit up which made Giles smile warmly at him. He should've
known that Spike really cared for Dawn.
Giles was starting to accept Spike as one of them, days of watching
the way he treated the others led to that. He has to admit that Spike helped
a lot with Dawn and patrol. Keeping the blond vampire with them was for
the best. He could help with his fighting skill, and his knowledge to teach
Dawn, perhaps even Xander might learn something useful. It's not just the
benefit of Spike; he began to respect the vampire for who he was.
~Part: 3~
The night after, everyone went patrolling in the same partition Giles
made the night before. So Spike was in the company of Xander, while naturally
the boy just couldn't keep his mouth shut.
"So Spike, when will you get lost?" Xander said without looking at
Spike.
"Huh?"
"When are you leaving, so we’d have the pleasure of being rid of you?"
Xander said impassively.
"I'm not leaving, Harris," he answered in a firm tone.
Xander stopped walking and glared at him. "Look, this game has gone
on long enough!"
"What game?" Spike looked at him confused.
"The game of you 'being one of the good guys', you’re a vampire you
can’t fool me!"
"So? Angel's a vamp too."
"Angel has a soul and that doesn't mean that I like him!"
"Why the hell do I care what you think?" Spike gritted out walking
past the young man.
Xander grabbed his arm spinning him around to meet his seething eyes.
"Look, Dawn really likes you; I don't know why and I don’t really care.
But I’m not gonna let you hurt her!"
"I'd never hurt the Bit!" The vampire spat out freeing himself from
the boy's tight hold.
"Oh, you'll hurt her, Spike. You’re a demon that's what you do," Xander
said boldly.
"Is there a rule somewhere that says all demons are always bloody horrific?
There are lots of good demons out there." He looked knowingly at Xander.
“And you know, Harris, if you hate demons that bloody much why are you
always dating one? As I recall, Red once called you Demon Magnet!"
"Hey, Anya is an ex-demon," Xander protested.
"But she used to be one, wasn't she? I guess all your dates were demons
before her, that’s if you ever had dates," Spike mocked with a smug smirk.
Xander looked offended. "Hey, I was with a lot of girls before Anya.
Not all of them were demons, FYI Cordelia."
"That girl was her own demon" Spike snickered.
"Right,” Xander gave him that, “but still she wasn't a demon demon.
She’s 100% demon free so don't get smart with me," Xander said shaking
his finger in the amused vampire's face. "The important thing here is that
you have to stay away from Dawnie!"
"What are you going to do if I don’t?” Spike challenged.
"Kill you," Xander replied simply.
Spike smiled. "Why do you hate me so much?”
"Coz you're a demon."
"Coz I'm a demon or coz I loved Buffy"
"What do you mean?" Xander asked confused.
"You've never hated Angel for being a vampire, you're just jealous
of 'im, coz he had the girl you wanted," he said offhandedly. "I think
you're still into her and that's why you're always on my back!"
"Hey, I cared about Buffy that way in high school! I never thought
of her as anything but my friend for a long time."
Spike snorted, "Yeah, right."
"It's true! That's not the reason, if it is, then I would've hated
Riley but we were friends."
"You were friends with the guy who left Buffy?" Spike raised an eyebrow.
"Well, I...I didn't know he was going to leave her," Xander spoke,
losing his point.
"But he left her like Angel did, and the both of them have a soul."
Xander knew where Spike was going with that and didn't want to hear any
of it, but the vampire spoke before he could protest, "I'm the only one
without a soul and yet I stayed with Buffy. Even when I knew I'd never
have such luck with her, I stayed. Angel and Riley they both had her love
and yet they left her, hurt her and they both of them have souls," he said
quietly, "A soul doesn't always equal good."
Spike looked at the boy. "And you mate, of all people should know that
a soul doesn't stop a person from doing evil." The older man approached
Xander. "Doesn't stop people who're supposed to love you and care for you
from hurting you."
"Wha...what do you mean?" Xander stuttered.
"You know what I mean, mate."
"How did you know?" Xander said softly.
Spike snorted. "Oh come on, Give a vamp some credit here. I lived with
you in that hellhole you called a basement, so naturally I heard those
drunks upstairs shouting 'bout lots of stuff. I know what you're hiding
from your friends."
Xander lowered his eyes sadly not saying anything. Spike fought the
urge to say something to soothe the boy, because he knew that it was not
going to be accepted. So he thought, ~ change the subject that’s Xander’s
favorite theme! ~ And asked, "You didn't tell me why you hate vampires
so much?"
"Coz they’re evil," Xander mumbled.
"And yet I'm not," Spike shrugged, “Anymore that is.”
"Then there's some thing wrong with you!"
"There's nothing wrong with me, you wanker!" Spike shouted angrily.
"Yes there is, of course there is, there has to be! Vampires are meant
to be evil, they don't have a soul or feelings they have nothing."
Spike watched the emotions play on Xander's face. He couldn't understand
why the subject was so important to the boy. And why was it a big deal
for Spike to be good to them? The blond was losing his patience; all that
stuff he said about the soul and Xander was acting as if he didn't hear
a thing! He counted from one to ten.
"Then explain to me why I'm being nice to you all?" he said very calmly.
"Because you're planning on something evil; make us all trust you then..."
He was cut off by Spike's tired voice. "I'm not planning on anything."
"Oh c’mon Spike, you're evil that's what you do, you want us all to
get hurt and since you have that chip in your head you just try to do something
else, remember when you worked for Adam?"
Spike sighed. “I wanted the bleeding chip out, you know that.” He was
getting tired from that argument. "I've changed."
"You can't change, demons don't change"
"Who said this bleedin' thing?" Now Spike lost his temper.
"You!" Xander snapped back.
"Me?" Spike muttered with a frown.
"Yes you, don't you remember? The first time you came to Sunnydale,
when you attacked the school, the day Angel offered me to you as a snack
to nibble on, remember? You said that to him." Spike remembered that night
like it was the night before; Angel pictured him as fool. Well, stupid
git always did underestimate him.
When Xander took in Spike’s silence, he thought he didn't have a come
back. "See! You have nothing to say back," the boy exclaimed springing
child-like.
"Don't talk like it was a victory or something!! All right, I said
that and I was wrong, ya happy?"
Xander shook his head. "No, you were right."
Where are some blood-thirsty-conversation-stopping-vampires when you
need them? Why wouldn't they attack them already? ~ There better be a bloody
good story behind his vamp phobia, other than the obvious that is ~ Spike
thought before counting to ten again then retorted calmly, "No, I was wrong,
but I admit that. You know what?" he took a deep breath to start, an action
he still kept from his human days, "You see what want to see, think what
you want to think. But things are not the way you want, Harris. They aren’t
black and white. I have changed and I...”
"No, you're not...”
"Would you just shut the hell up and listen to the fuckin’ shit I want
to say!!" Spike roared and his face changed into vampire facade. ~ Oh,
yeah he really lost it now, great going Harris! ~ Xander thought shuddering;
Spike was terrifying. Even the chip in his head didn't make the boy feel
safe.
"What’s with you saying crap and not listening? I do have feelings
you know, I loved Buffy and she knew that but she didn't love me back.
If you ever talked sense to a vamp you’d know that they have feelings,
if not mistaken for rage and destruction, you never been close to any vampire
be ...”
"Oh yeah I was! My best friend was turned into a vampire and wasn't
the same!" Spike looked confused. Who's the best friend that Harris was
talking about? He knew that Willow was Xander's best friend along with
Buffy, and when did Red become a vampire? Xander seemed to notice the confusion
on Spike's face.
"You don't know him. He was my best friend 'til high school when he
was turned into a vampire. He was always there for me, helped me through
the toughest times, cared about me like his own brother. But he changed
into something else. I talked to him tried to remind him of our friendship.
He knew me but didn't seem to care. He even attacked me! My best friend
wanted to suck my blood! *My best friend*!! So don't tell me vampires
have feelings 'coz if that's so, then he never cared about me and just
pretended to, so just don't say it."
Xander was quivering hard. Spike had never seen him like this
before. He wanted to say something to ease the boy; he knew what Xander
felt, the same thing happened to him.
~ Buggering hell, now you show yourselves! ~ Spike spotted the vampire
behind Xander. He then jumped to stake it before it could hurt the boy;
causing him to fall. ~ Bleedin' hell! There's too many! ~ The chipped vampire
thought while swinging at another.
Xander leaped to stake a vampire who was trying to sneak on him.
"You look so delicious, human. Can't wait to stick my fangs into your flesh".
Xander was up on his feet when the vampire jumped and had him on the
ground again, but this time the vampire was upon him holding his hands
to the ground. The young man struggled to free him self and the vampire
was pleased. "I like the struggling food, did you know fear sweetens the
taste. I'm gonna suck you dry!" He leaned toward the fighting human’s
neck and Xander shut his eyes waiting for ….nothing!? He didn't feel
any fangs on his neck instead dust was all over his face. He opened his
eyes and saw Spike standing in front of him.
"Get up, Harris!"
Xander stood to face another vampire who was also into his blood, but
now he wouldn't let his guard down. ~ How can these creatures have feelings?
All they want is to drink blood from one human then find another non-donor
~ He staked this one then went to stake another. ~ They can't love
or care, they just want to feed. ~ He staked another one and went for the
third anger fueling his strength. ~ No feelings, no emotions, nothing at
all. ~ He staked his third vampire for the night and stood to catch his
breath. He staked three while Spike staked six. He watched Spike standing
there with a smirk, satisfied with his work. Without a warning, Xander
held Spike's shoulder and spun him around to face the severe look on young
man's face.
"You told me you could love and care? Well, let me tell you one thing,
pal, you don't care about Dawn! You’re just being nice to her for Buffy's
sake and you’ve never loved Buffy, it was just lust and nothing else!"
Spike stood back feeling both hurt and mad. He wanted to scream,
to kill something. ~ Not again!! ~ He was totally beyond rage. Why won’t
they understand? Why always misunderstand him? He growled causing Xander
to shiver and involuntarily grabbed the bag of stakes and weapons Xander
brought and began throwing them in frenzy all over the place.
Xander winced with every throw and hit and his eyes narrowed irritably
at the vampire's actions, "Yeah, that's the act of a person with feelings,"
he spoke sarcastically before he had Spike's hands on his collar. His eyes
met very furious yet hurting blue eyes.
"Explain to me why I'm being nice to the lot of you *now*? Why
I'm always there for you *now*? Why I kill *my* Kind for
you all *Now*? *Now* Buffy is dead, does not exist, no more
life, how could I show off to get her attention if she’s not bloody here,
use your minds, people!!" Spike yelled at the young brunet, completely
irate.
“I *LOVED* Buffy with all my heart, beatin' or not! If it were
only lust I would've never helped you out with Glory, I would just shagged
her then left. Do you hear me? Do you believe me? Of course you don’t,
none of you do!" He let go of the Harris boy and turned around coursing
with frustration.
Xander fixed his collar glaring at the vampire who turned back to him
again. The boy's eyes widened at the sight of the tears that filled the
blue eyes. Spike cursed again and grabbed another object throwing it to
the air and blaring out a very angry "Bloody Hell."
"Why can't anyone bloody believe me? *He* doesn't believe me and now
you. Why can't he believe me? He was supposed to tell if I was lying but
being the bloody poof he was, he can't!" With the outraged screams, the
vampire fell to his knees. He started shaking hard and hugged himself.
Xander looked at him scared. He didn't expect Spike to break like that.
The young man felt his heart split and he hated it, hated himself,
Spike didn't deserve his compassion, but he looked so broken there. They
called him 'the heart' for a reason. He, Xander Harris, crouched
and held *Spike* to him hearing him whisper, "Why doesn't he believe
me? Why?"
He didn't know who the ‘He’ Spike was referring to. So he just kept
holding the shivering vampire, feeling kind of awkward, he never held a
man like this before. Now he was holding a soulless vampire ~ Spike, for
God's sake! ~. The blond kept murmuring softly and Xander felt something
like…~ like what? Guilt? Why would I feel guilty over Spike? Although he
looks so sad and broken, who in the world have the power to break Spike?
~
"Ssssh Spike, um… its okay, just calm down…" Spike shoved Xander off
him, and then felt the sharp pain in his head. He clutched his head with
his hands screaming in agony.
"Bloody fucking hell, that's all I need, the stupid chip!"
He got up and started running leaving Xander on the ground ~ this is
a catch, isn't it? He's a demon! He can't just feel so... heartbroken and
down in the dumps, can he? ~
~Part: 4~
Next morning, Willow was in the kitchen making breakfast, when she
heard the front door open. She knew it was Xander so she ran to the stairs.
"Dawn, hurry up! Xander's here!" she called.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" came Dawn's bored voice. Xander chuckled.
"Don't you love to hear the excitement before going to school in the morning?”
he said closing the door.
Willow rolled her eyes. "Now look who's talking". He shrugged.
"Well, I wasn't the smartest kid at school but you know I loved going there"
They walked to the kitchen. Xander sat down waiting for Dawn, while
Willow continued working on her Waffles.
"So, where is Tara?" He asked.
"She has class; I have one in the afternoon"
Xander nodded, he started playing with the spoons on the table before
Willow asked him. "Oh right, Xan, I forgot to ask you yesterday. Where
was Spike? He wasn't with you when we got back from patrolling"
"I told him to get lost,” Xander said emotionlessly.
"What? Why?" Willow exclaimed letting go of everything.
Xander felt uncomfortable. “Coz he's a vampire"
"So?"
"Sooo, he's a demon and you know how much Dawn likes him, he'll hurt
her"
"Then why he didn't hurt her already?"
"He'll wait 'till she trusts him then..."
Willow laughed. "And she doesn't trust him now!?"
"Yah but...."
"But what?"
Xander shrugged, unsure of what to say. Willow gazed at him with understanding.
She knew about Xander's complex and it had something to do with what happened
to Jesse. Xander had never had a best male friend before or after Jesse
died. Angel also made the complex grow stronger with him losing his soul
and turning into Angelus, but she needed to show Xander that Spike was
nothing like that.
She sat next to him, "Xander, I was talking with Cordelia when they
came to the house and she told me about a lot of nice demons in LA. In
fact, they're friends with this guy Lorne and she told me how nice he is."
She put her hand on Xander's. "Not all the demons are bad. Spike was
always there for us, at the bad times and the good times and I've seen
the two of you getting along in the battle with Glory, and when it’s all
over you reward him by telling him to get lost! This is not the way to
treat someone who saved your life so many times." She squeezed his hand.
"I’m not saying that all vampires are good, but don't you see Spike's not
like other vampires?"
Xander remembered the times Spike was there for them. He was the one
who proved Tara wasn't a demon. He was the one that took Glory's torture
without telling about Dawn. He was the one who gone up to free Dawn from
the tower. He did all that for nothing?
Spike didn't have to help them, he could've watched them die, actually
he didn't have to stay, and he could've just left with Drusilla. But he
stayed and helped them through a lot of rough moments and Xander always
treated him like shit. He wanted to smack himself when Spike brought the
roses for Joyce and he made those smart remarks. Spike was a vampire, a
demon, and yet he helped them, saved them. Cared for them even, he was
nothing like other vampires.
Xander bit his lip, recognition clear. "He is different."
Willow smiled. "Yes, he is."
He looked at her. "I should apologize". She nodded. "Yes, you should".
"He should, what?" Dawn entered the kitchen staring at the two of them.
Xander stood up. "I said something stupid to Spike and I'll apologize"
he answered simply.
Willow frowned, ~ the words sound very odd coming out of Xander's mouth!
~
Dawn glared at the young man she started thinking of as her big brother,
"You said something stupid to Spike? What did you say?"
"I said I'll apologize, didn't I?"
"Whatever Xander," The teenager huffed, "What's important here is that
if you ever hurt Spike again I'll...I'll...I'll do something bad to you.
Spike is my friend and I don't want to see him hurt.
Xander smiled. "Don't worry, you wouldn't. Not by me anyway."
"Good, now go, tell him you're sorry. Go!"
"Um... Dawnie, don't you have to go to school?" Willow said with raised
eyebrows.
"Oh, damn!"
~Part: 5~
After finishing his hours at work, Xander went straight to Spike's crypt.
~ Okay Xan-man, just be calm, tell the vamp you're sorry in a civilized
way, give him time to answer and just ... be cool ~ He thought with a firm
nod as he entered the crypt to find Spike sitting on a very old sofa facing
the TV, Xander stood right in front of him and before Spike could raise
his head…
"Look Spike, I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry, I was a jerk and
you don't deserve that kind of treatment. My stupid brain only gets that
vampire equals demon equals bad. And you were right, a soul doesn't equal
good. So can you forgive me? Please?" He said all that without taking a
single breath.
Spike stared at him; blinking without saying a word.
"Hey, you won’t forgive me? Okay, what do you want me to do so you
could forgive me? I'll do anything..."
"Harris, stop, please! You and Red have a lot in common," he sighed.
"All right, you're forgiven, heaven only knows why if only to make you
stop yapping.” He locked eyes with the brunet, “But you have to treat me
better, though how I can't imagine."
"Hey, you've never seen how I treat the people I like"
Spike raised an eyebrow, "You started to like me already?"
Xander shrugged with a sigh, "I don't know, maybe I feel guilty about
what I did, but give me some time I'm sure we'll get along eventually."
He gave him his best Xander-grin.
"Good, coz I like you"
Xander stared at him in shock. "You like me? When?" Spike shrugged.
"I dunno, but you're loyal and brave if you like someone you really care
about them. I like that in you."
Xander raised his eyebrows in amazement. "Wow, I've never thought you
could love something in anyone!"
Spike hit his knees with his hands in annoyance, "Here we go again!"
Xander raised his hands to calm the vamp down, "Hey! Hey, sorry, it's
me and my big mouth. Uh.... come on Spike, you know me, talking without
thinking."
"Damn right you are, coz I'm capable of love!"
"Yes, you are!"
"I can love anybody, anything!"
"Yeah, I mean, you loved Buffy."
"Yeah, and don't forget Dru."
"Oh that is your biggest proof, your relationship went for so long
and *she* is the one who broke it off not you!"
"Yeah!"
“Yeah!”
They stared at each other for a moment before bursting into a gale
of laughter; they were laughing so hard that tears started overflowing
their eyes. Spike brushed his hand across his eyes. "We're trying to convince
who?" he asked between laughter.
Xander was trying to catch his breath. "I don't know". Finally
they calmed down into an awkward silence, before Spike asked. "So that's
why?"
Xander looked confused. "That's why what?"
"You hate vampires, coz of your friend?"
Xander shrugged looking at the ground. "I've always hated vampires
from listening about them in tales and watching them in movies, but seeing
it in reality is different than TV." He glanced at Spike with sadness in
his eyes. "When I saw Jesse as a vampire I knew I lost him forever and
I just ... I just felt so angry and mad like I wanted to kill something.
Giles kept telling me he's not the same anymore and I should stake him
right away but I couldn't, I just kept talking to him, maybe he'll come
to his senses 'til..." He shrugged helplessly.
“Til' Buffy staked him," Spike said knowingly
Xander bit his lip barely looking at Spike then said in a low voice.
“Till I staked him."
Spike stared at him in sympathy as the boy bit his lower lip before
speaking. "It was an accident, but even so he was staked by me and I can't
forget the look on his face before he ended up dust. I acted strong in
front of my friends but it was eating me inside." He took a deep breath,
"Then Angel showed and everyone was treating him well, though he was a
vampire but I could understand Angel's situation, he has a soul so he's
a good guy but *you*, you're acting nice and all and you're a demon
without a soul. I just ... if it’s possible for vampires to have passions
then why Jesse didn't, maybe the reason was ... me?"
He felt Spike's strong hands on his shoulders squeezing hard to make
him raise his eyes to the concentrated blue ones. "Listen to me, the reason
was never you. That guy wasn't your friend; he's a demon with your friend’s
body and memories. Your friend cared about you and would never do anything
to hurt you."
"But ... you...”
"I am not William either, our personalities are very different. I'm
nice because the chip gave me a choice and *no* it doesn't have
magic that turned me nice." Xander glared. "I wouldn't ask that!"
~ Yeah right ~ Spike thought before carrying on, "Any way, I'm like...
a lion that's striped of its bite and was trained by humans to act as he
was told. The chip took a way my bite and I learned how to live with humans,
watched them happy, sad, falling in love, being in pain. It brought the
humanity in me, see? Like a bloody animal."
Xander frowned. "You're not an animal and as well as I can see not
bloody at the moment." Spike smiled taking his hands off the boy's shoulders,
"Thanks, mate." He returned the smile before Spike asked. "Do you feel
better now?"
Xander shrugged. "Kinda. You can't understand how it feels."
"Yes, I can."
Xander looked at him to elaborate. "My mother,” Spike stated, “She
was everything to me. She was kind, gentle and loving. I loved her so much
that I made her a vampire so she could be with me forever, but she changed
because of the demon that took her body. Like Jesse she wasn't the same
and like you she was staked by me although this time it wasn't an accident,"
he said the last part quietly.
Xander bit his lip. "Oh God, Spike, I .... I didn't know."
"That coz nobody knew except me, Dru, Angelus and now you."
Xander's eyes went wide. "M... me? You trusted me enough to tell me
all that?"
"Just like you trusted me enough to tell me about Jesse."
Xander frowned. "I was so stupid."
Spike looked hurt. "What?!"
"Because I didn't see how a good friend you’d make before,” he said
it with a grin. Spike's mouth parted ~ a good friend? Does that mean...~
"You want us to be friends?"
"If you want to."
"Bloody hell Harris! I would love to!"
Xander laughed at Spike's expression. It was obvious that the blond
vampire didn't have a lot of friends before. Spike had never been this
happy in all his life and unlife, Xander was *actually* his first friend,
no strings attached! ~ Yes, me and Nibblet were friends before Xander,
but she had a crush on me. She wasn't friendship she wanted at first. ~
Spike and Xander spent that whole night simply talking.
~Part: 6~
Spike's relationship with the Scoobies was getting stronger with each
day. The guys always met at Giles' and the girls at Xander's apartment
to help Anya in with the wedding plans. Spike now was living with Giles,
and the two British men could be their British selves as much as they liked.
Except in Xander's presence, when the boy acted all boyish and… American.
"Can’t you see the ball, you asshole!"
Spike and Giles were watching Xander scream at the TV giving instructions
to the players about how to play an American football. ~ Like that guy
could hear his shouting ~ Spike thought mocking the boy's actions. The
brunet had insisted on watching the taped game on Giles' VCR, and the ex-watcher
couldn't refuse the pleading boy. ~ More like he couldn’t stand any of
his whining. ~
Spike whispered to Giles. "Do we have to watch this crap?"
"Well, you're not the man who put up with it for two years, " Giles
whispered back.
"Two years? You knew Xander more than this."
"Well, when he was in high school he spent most of his time with Buffy
and Willow, but when the girls were too busy with college to spend time
with him, he started paying *me* visits." Spike was holding back
a laugh at Giles' expression ~ Boy must’ve done a lot more than watching
football to make Rupert look like this. ~
Xander screamed again and made the two jump in alarm. "Bloody hell
Harris, whatever's happing it doesn't worth giving old Rupert a heart attack!"
Spike snarled.
"But he made a goal!"
"Do you call that a goal? American football is crap. Now British football
on the other hand is the real game. Hey Rupse, when will that game start?
Let show Harris the real thing."
"Hey, what about *my* football?" Xander complained.
"Xander, you're watching the game on the VCR!" Giles tried to reason
him.
"But it's exciting!"
They didn't think about Xander's whining this time and switched the
channel. To Xander’s surprise he enjoyed the game but tried not to let
it show. Spike smiled happily. He liked to tease Xander like that because
he had never done it before, the teasing friend thing, it was fun and neat.
~ Christ did I just think that? ~ He and Xander were getting closer everyday.
When Anya started discussing the guest's seats, he called him instead of
Willow, which meant something.
"No you bint; you can't put Tara with Xander's folks. I like the blond
witch!"
"Well Spike, it's either Tara or D'Hoffryn, and I definitely wouldn’t
want Xander's parents hurting him!" Anya made her mind before heading to
the bedroom.
Spike snorted. “Bloody hell mate, chit doesn't even listen to what
I bloody well have to say!"
Xander remained silent, touching the cover of the wedding magazine.
Spike looked at him in concerned, “What’s wrong, mate?"
"Do you think I can do it?" Xander asked not looking at Spike. "Do
what?" he raised his head. "The marriage thing, Can I go through with it?"
Spike frowned. "Well mate, you're the one who proposed!”
"I know .... I know ... it's just ... I'm only twenty and this ..."
Spike cut him off. "Hold it hold it. Are you afraid of doing it or that
you're not ready for it?"
"Um ... both actually."
Spike shook his head. "Can't believe you mate, you're the one who asked
for it and now you have doubts?" Xander hissed. "Sssh, Anya is in the bedroom"
He sighed. "All I wanted is to be with Anya for the rest of my life, and
marriage represents rest of life so I proposed. I didn't think much about
it."
Spike shook his head again and sat next to Xander looking at him seriously.
"Look, a lot of young people like you got married and made it. You have
a good job and the trick is to know how to act like a husband and a father
...."
Xander raised his head sharply cutting Spike off. “That’s what my problem
is; I don't know how to act like a husband and a father. My role model
was a bitter abusive man and I definitely don't want to act like him!"
Spike just stared at him, and Xander's eyes were looking at the ground
before turning them to Spike eagerly. "I know, why don't you tell me about
your dad?"
Spike gave a sad smile. "My father died before I was born. I never
knew 'im"
Xander opened his eyes wide and regretfully bit his lip. "Spike I'm
sorry ... I shouldn’t...”
Spike shook his head. "It's okay, mate," Then looked at Xander in the
eye. "Look, you've been with Anya for two years. You've been there for
her when nobody was, you took care of her when you didn't have to, you
made little money and yet you bought her clothes and food when you barely
could feed your self or pay rent. She was a woman and a child at the same
time, you taught her how to be human, showed her how to treat and talk
to people. Loved her! You were her husband before you even married her.
Does a stupid paper make any difference? You will still love her and treat
her the same way, so tell me what the problem is, Xander?"
~ Wow can’t believe I said all that! Anya’s yapping caused me to drink
a lot and they say ‘give a guy a drink he gives you his life’ Bollocks
who says such stupid things ~ He took a long gulp of his JD.
Xander stared at Spike for a moment, then looked a way and rubbed his
eyes smiling.
"You're gonna make me cry, man!" Spike smiled and patted his shoulder.
Xander gave him a tiny smile. "Thanks, you're one true friend, Spike."
Spike stared at those full lips losing his thoughts. The dark hair, the
chocolate brown eyes, the broad shoulders, the height although Xander seemed
shorter, it all remind him to much of ~ Angelus! ~
"Spike, are you okay?" He stared at Xander's concerned face. ~ No,
~ He snarled to himself, ~ Xander is nothing like Angelus, Xander is pure
and innocent and Angelus is dangerous mean, handsome with........ ~ Spike
held the bottle he was holding in front of his face looking for something.
"Spike, what's wrong?" Xander inquired with a worried expression on
his face, Spike was dead to the world lost in thought. “Was it something
I said?" That brought Spike to life in a matter of speaking. "No, you didn't
say anything wrong. I was just thinking."
"About?"
Spike looked uncomfortable. "Uh ... stuff?”
"What? You can tell me anything we're buds!"
Spike smiled. "Yah, I know it's just ... you remind me of someone.
You both got the same dark hair, same dark eyes, same built, and both of
you are tall and..." His eyes stopped at Xander's shirt, staring at it
fearfully ~ Bloody hell, what's up with all that fish ~ His lips curled
into a ridicule smile. "You definitely don't dress the same."
Xander looked at his shirt. "What's wrong with my shirt?"
Spike shrugged. "Well, first off it's covered by fish."
"That what makes it neat!"
Spike stared at Xander for a moment before nodding his head making
a decision. "I think it's time for a shopping trip, mate."
~~~*~~~
The girls decided to have a girl night at the Summers’ residence. So
Xander's apartment was all for the boys, who had a wonderful time at the
mall and the bar where they promised they wouldn't drink too much.
"Bloody 'ell, dat waz a 'ell of a night!"
A too drunk Spike slurred as he entered the apartment, spinning around
like an idiot, while a less drunk Xander followed him holding the bags
of clothes they bought from the mall. "You're too drunk Spike, you shouldn't
have drank those six rounds of whiskey!"
"But that bugger shallenged me; I’ve neve' lazt a challenge!"
"Can't argue with that!" The young man placed the bags next to the
couch, and hurried to catch Spike who was about to hit the ground. "I've
got you, now let's take you to bed." He helped Spike to the bedroom. He
sat him on the bed and took off his duster and shirt. Spike moaned. “Ohh...
yah, take it off!"
Xander stared at him in confusion. "What?"
Spike looked at him strangely. "Have I ever told you how beautiful
you are?"
Xander's eyes were wide and he was holding the laugh. “Um.... Spike,
can you wait a sec? I'll get the recorder."
Spike lay back on the bed and stared up at the plain ceiling. "He was
beautiful, too. I remember. He used to hold my hands beside to my head
and look at me with those dark eyes of his, before brushing his lips to
mine, his tongue sweeping my mouth, teeth biting my tongue and lips causing
drops of blood and lapping it greedily, gazing at me again with golden
eyes full of lust and hunger. It made me feel special, like the most beautiful
thing ever."
Xander looked at him. "That's the guy that looks like me, right?" He
asked softly.
Spike didn't answer, he was fast asleep. The young man smiled standing
up before the epiphany hit him ~ Oh my God, Spike is gay, but… but that
can't be, right?! I mean he loved Drusilla and Buffy!! He can’t be gay.
Ah … He’s bi! ~. He stared at the sleeping vampire and just realized that
Spike’s chest didn't move. He just lay there like a dead man ~ duh! ~ He
was still staring at Spike's chest admiring the way it was built, how hard
those muscles were ~ Oh God! Now I’m turning gay here, okay think with
me Xan, women, Anya, orgasms, boobs… aaaaaah I love boobs, yah definitely
straight here! ~
He yawned in exhaustion, working his fingers on the buttons his shirt
before it hit him ~ What if he woke up and saw *my beautiful body*?!
And had dirty thoughts, oh God, now wait a second...... Spike would never
do that, he's my friend he wouldn't …~ He heard Spike moaning in his sleep
~ better wear my pajamas! ~
After hours, Spike woke up feeling kind of dizzy, he wanted blood,
he got up from the bed heading to the kitchen, drank a mug of blood then
his eyes caught the bags next to the couch. He walked toward them and reached
for the blue shirt that Xander pointed at in the mall. He touched it feeling
its softness remembering the boy's words "It brings out your eyes." He
smiled putting the shirt in the bag and headed back to the bedroom.
The vampire stopped in the door looking at the sleeping boy, then walked
to the bed and sat on the edge staring at Xander. He looked so peaceful
almost like a five year old, a tiny smile curled on the blond lips as he
leaned towards him brushing his lips on the soft warm ones, feeling warm
breath touch his skin with every rise and fall of the boy's chest. He made
himself comfortable on the bed, his face facing Xander's ~my best friend~
then drifted off to sleep.
~Part: 7~
Next day, the gang gathered at Giles’ home, each doing their thing.
Anya, Willow, Tara and Dawn were looking through bridal magazines with
exclamation like ‘Ooh’s and ‘Aah’s and ‘No way in hell I'm wearing that!’.
Xander, who seemed to forget about last night, was with Spike sitting
in front of the T.V. shouting at some sport or another.
Giles on the other hand was on the phone trying to block out the children
racket, if one would look beyond Spike's age and to how he behaves half
the time! Hanging up the phone he turned his attention to the living room,
and proceeded on doing what he does best; cleaning his glasses. That didn't
go unnoticed by Xander.
"Okay people, listen up." Everyone turned their attention towards Xander.
"I think G-man has something importantly dangerous to tell us."
"How can you be so sure, Xander?" Dawn asked.
"Elementary my dear Dawnie, I saw him, not only clean his glasses but
... he pinched his nose, too."
"Oh God!" Willow whispered, "That's of the bad."
"Not only that Red," Spike interjected. "I heard him, with my keen
vamp hearing, say and I quote *oh dear*"
They all gasped.
"No!" Anya jumped holding her magazines. "Nothing is getting in the
way of my wedding!"
Giles was smiling tenderly through all that. "If I might say something?”
The group turned their undivided attention to their watcher.
“Good, that’s more like it,” Giles sighed, “I wish I can tell you otherwise
but unfortunately you’re right.”
“What is it Giles? You know we can take anything,” Willow said enthusiastically.
Giles smiled. “True enough. That was the watchers council.”
“No, tell them no,” Anya raved “They are not invited to the wedding.
And nothing strange or demony is gonna happen ‘coz every one there is not
or never was a demon.”
Giles difficultly ignored that. “They said that another slayer will
not be called, that the line runs through Faith now.”
“That’s not it, is it? I mean it’s nice of them to call and tell us
the only help we can’t get is in jail, but the glasses cleaning thing equal
bad”
“I’m afraid you are right Xander. They so willingly informed me that
the Witch’s Coven detected the sect of Thalog arriving at The Hellmouth”
“Oh Goddess!” “Bloody hell!” “I have a soul!” three exclaimed, while
the other three were oblivious.
Tara, Spike, Anya and Giles knew the sect, some personally. But Willow,
Xander and Dawn didn’t know who they were up against.
“What is it?” Dawn asked.
“You mean who is it Dawnie,” Tara answered, with a nod from Giles she
continued, “They are three powerful wizards who used to follow the order
of Calisto, but broke from them in order to find their own ways to get
rid of demons, all demons.”
“And that’s a bad thing because?” Xander asked and on the looks he
received from Spike and Anya he said, “And to answer my not surprisingly
stupid question because not all demons are bad.”
“That is quite true; the order of Calisto believed every one can be
saved,” Giles responded.
“But the wizard trio believed otherwise, right?”
“Right you go Red,” Spike replied, “The order tried to show them the
way but their little rejects thought of something even better.”
“They killed them!?” Dawn sounder horrified. “Yeah it seems they thought
their old mates were touched by evil and needed to be cleansed,” Spike
answered.
“Not only did they chop their heads off they stole their magic and
they put a spell on themselves so they won’t be touched by evil as well,”
Anya said, “The spell was designed that if any soulless creature, human
or demon or even animal, would die instantly. Believe me, I saw it happen.”
Anya shuddered. “They are very crazy.”
“And what are they doing here?” Dawn said in a hard tone much like
her sisters.
“The council believes that they’re here to open the Hellmouth.”
“Color me surprised,” Xander said. The others stared at him “What?!
I know it’s not some of my best material but we’re facing hell on earth
here!”
Giles shook his head ~*he* is going to get married? ~
“I’m sorry if I can’t understand Mst... amm Giles,” Giles smiled in
encouragement, Tara was beginning to come out of her shyness and address
him like the others. “Well I mean they want demons dead, why would *they*
open the Hellmouth?” The young witch sounded confused.
“Excellent question, Tara!”
~ Bloody hell one would think she was in school or somthin’!~ Spike
thought shaking his head at Giles zeal.
“Actually the council believes that they will open the hell mouth to
destroy what’s on the other side.”
“And I’m here thinking the same stupid question, that’s bad why?”
“Because Xan if something went wrong …” Willow let that hang.
“That is one way to think of it Willow. But the other one is the fear
they succeed.”
“As I said G-man that’s bad how?” before Giles objected on the way
Xander addressed him, Spike intervened, “Think of it git, there’s a balance
between the dimensions. If one stops, others will suffer.” Because of Xander’s
‘I don’t get it’ look he tried to clarify some more, “think of it as a
lot of scales when one moves either up or down the others move as well;
they are affected by the change. Now the scales are unwavering, if something
goes wrong …” Spike let that hang as Willow did before.
“God they’re crazy,” Xander whispered finally understanding. “I already
told you that,” Anya huffed, while her fiancé comforted her.
“Uh Giles?”
“Yes, Dawn?”
“What Anya said about their spell, she didn’t mean all soulless
creatures right? I mean not the one who are good and help, right?” Dawn’s
asked her, voice overflowing with worry.
“I’m afraid not Dawn,” Giles said sadly, while every one turned they’re
attention toward Spike.
~Part: 8~
"No, no, we can't let that happen!" Xander cried out in dread, turning
to Giles in panic. "Giles, please you have to do something, they can't
kill him!" Dawn nodded swiftly clutching Spike's arm.
Giles put his hand on the terrified young man's shoulder. "Xander,
calm down, first of all we must concentrate on the subject at hand, how
to stop them?”
“Do you have any ideas, Giles?” Willow asked feeling worried herself.
“Yes, the council suggested using pure magic against them and I happen
to agree.”
“Pure magic, is that like white magic not black magic?” Dawn inquired.
“In a way, but it mostly means spells with out the use of herbs and
candles and stuff like it.” Willow replied.
“Yes, I suggest that Willow, Tara and I would perform them. In the
mean time Xander, Anya and Dawn -with their improved fighting skills thanks
to Spike’s nightly training- would prevent anything the wizards do to try
and stop us.” Holding his hand up he stopped both Anya and Xander from
talking. “Yes Anya you do have a soul, I’ve checked. And Xander don’t worry
they have the least ability to fight hand to hand, but they depend mostly
on their power on which, as I said before we’ll attack with pure magic.”
Turning his attention to Spike, who was silent, “As for Spike he will be
our back up he’ll…”
“Whoa there!” Xander stepped in, “You practically said he’s good as
dead if he comes in contact with them. I think Spike should step this one
out.”
Spike was still on the back up thing ~ bleedin’ hell, so I’m reduced
to back up. I’m front line guy I don’t do the back! ~ When he heard what
Xander said he cut in, “Oh hell no!” Spike stood up to Xander. “You’re
not taking them on without me.”
"You won’t go Spike, and that's final." Xander said sternly.
"Don't tell me what to do." Spike said in a harsh tone. “I will be…”
"They're gonna kill you, you idiot!" Xander snapped.
"I won’t be left out!" Spike snapped back.
“Spike it’s too dangerous,” Dawn came to Xander’s aid, “Xander is only
worried about you, we all are.”
“And I don’t worry!” Spike softened, turning his gaze back to Xander.
“Please understand, I can’t let you go alone." The young man shivered with
anger, and left to the bathroom.
"I think I should…”
"No, Red," Spike stopped Willow from following. "I'll talk to him."
He went to the bathroom and found Xander standing in front of the sink,
both hands clutching the basin in a hard grip.
"I have to be there," he spoke softly. "I can't back out of it and
let you face them without me. I don't want to feel useless."
"Would it help if I told you I feel like this all the time?" Xander
said in a wavering voice.
“Xander…”
"Don't, OK?" Xander interrupted. "I just … those creeps are going to
kill you and I … I can’t…" He took a shaking breath. "I can't handle losing
another friend."
His shoulders were trembling; Buffy’s death still shadowed their minds.
Spike didn't know what to say, he smelt the salty tears that held both
sadness and fear ~ no one had ever had tears in his eyes for me, except
for my mother, he really cares about me! ~
"Xander, look at me," The boy turned his glassy eyes to him. He took
a deep breath. "Listen, I'll be the back up, all right? Just watch you
lot figh.t"
"Spike, I know you. You're going to step in."
"I won't. Rupert and the witches are going to weaken those wizards
and I'm sure you, Anya and Dawn can take ‘em."
Xander wasn't convinced. "Please Xander, do understand me I *need*
to be there," Spike pleaded softly.
"`Kay" Xander whispered.
Spike smiled. "Now wipe those tears from your eyes and show me a Xander
smile."
Xander rubbed his eyes roughly and looked at Spike. The vampire pouted.
"Where is my smile?"
"I can't smile. I'm not satisfied with all this."
Spike gave him wounded puppy dog eyes. "You won't give me my smile,"
he spoke childlike and Xander couldn't resist, a smile curled on his lips.
"Bigger, bigger," Spike spoke playfully, and then Xander broke into laugh.
"Now that's what I love to see.” Spike smirked.
"You're so mean," Xander whimpered humorously.
"I'm a soulless vampire, mate. What did you expect?"
Xander's smile disappeared. “You sure ‘bout this?”
Spike sighed. "I told you, mate. I have to, need to."
"I know," Xander whispered.
Spike patted the young man's shoulder. "Let's go, I'm sure the others
are waiting for us."
Xander nodded mutely and went into the living room with the blonde.
The second they were out, the others stared at them before Spike spoke.
"Okay people, I'll be back-up vamp which means I'll join you all on your
little trip. Now Rupert, tell us the rest of your brilliant plan.”
Giles looked at Spike; there wasn’t any hint of sarcasm in his voice?
“Very well, the ritual most likely will be performed directly at the Hellmouth
before midnight tomorrow…”
Giles explained every detail. That night was spent on research and
some more fighting tips from Spike.
“…well I guess that’s all, everyone ought to go home and rest.”
"Xander, can you give me, Tara and Dawn a ride home?"
"Sure Wills, go get into the car."
"Okay, good night Giles, good night Spike." Both men nodded to Willow
and the other girls who gave their goodbyes. Xander said his good night
to Giles, then looked at Spike grim faced. "Good night Spike." He turned
to leave.
Spike gave a tired sigh. "Xander, we talked about this!"
"I know," Xander gritted angrily. "I know you have to be there. It
doesn't mean I have to like it." He softened his tone, "Now excuse me,
I have to take the girls home."
Spike watched Xander shut the door sharplyand gave a heavy sigh. He
heard Giles’s voice behind him. "Don't get angry with him. He cares, that’s
who he is."
"I know, but does he have to make it so hard?"
"You have to understand him, Spike. After his best friend died in high
school, Xander had never had a close male friend," He gave Spike a soft
smile. "Until you."
"Yeah." Spike nodded and sat on the couch. Xander told him why he never
made such good friends with any of the other male Scoobies. Giles was more
of a father figure, Angel was all broody and serious –besides he hated
the vampire's guts, Oz was a quiet boy with strange sense of humor, Riley
was mysterious and all about being a hero. He was totally Xander's type,
they both were funny, both liked to eat, both hated Angel and they loved
to watch Baywatch.
He watched Giles climbing the stairs. "All right, I'm going to rest
now. Good night Spike."
"Good night, Rupert."
Giles shut his bedroom’s door behind him and yawned. Tomorrow they’d
face their first hard-hitting fight without Buffy; it was going to be a
difficult night for all of them. They would protect the world in the memory
of their departed slayer.
~Part: 9~
Next day, every one was at Giles' waiting for Xander to come after
he finished his hours at the construction site. Anya was checking on the
weapons, Giles, Willow and Tara were memorizing the words for the spell,
while Spike and Dawn sat in front of the TV.
"So, you're okay with being back up guy?" Dawn asked while watching.
"Xan insisted and I hate to upset him."
The girl looked at him. "But you don't like it?"
Spike sighed. "What can I say, Nibblet? If any thing happens to any
of you, it will be my fault. I will feel that I let you down like I did
with Buffy," He said the last part quietly.
Dawn didn’t say a word as she turned her gaze back to the TV. Spike
felt a sharp knife stabbing him in the heart. The kid didn't deny it; she
believed it was his fault her big sister died. When he told Xander about
it, the young man kept telling him that he did all he can and it wasn't
his fault that Buffy lost her life to save the world, it was her choice.
Spike had never been convinced by Xander's opinion; he always blamed himself
for what happened to the slayer, he couldn't fault Dawn for believing it
too.
When night came, the Scoobies headed to the old high school. Giles
at the front, Dawn and Anya were right behind him with weapons, then Willow
and Tara followed with Spike and Xander holding back the rear.
Spike noticed Xander being tense, “What’s up, mate? You look on edge.”
Xander gave a nervous laugh. “Well let’s see, this is our biggest fight
since Glory without the slayer and we’re going to face three crazy powerful
wizards that could kill my best friend. Tell me why can’t I be on the edge?”
Spike smiled. “I thought Willow is your best friend.”
“Well she is, but we haven’t been that close after high school. You
know everything about me from my childhood ‘til now. I told you about stuff
that I didn’t tell Willow about. I told you my secrets, my fears and my
ambitions. I trust you with every thing I have and I just don’t know how
to end this speech.”
Spike broke into laugh. “My eyes were just about to tear up, but as
usual you blew it.”
Xander shrugged. “That’s what I do.” He looked at the vampire seriously.
“If Willow is my best friend, then you’re my bestest.”
Spike smiled. “You’re mine, too.” He shrugged. “My speech won’t be
any different from yours, but I didn’t tell you all about me coz we’ve
only been friends for three months and it’s not long enough for me to tell
you every single thing in my 140 years.”
Xander gasped remembering something, “Speaking about telling me stuff,
why didn’t you tell me that you’re gay?”
“What?!” Spike exclaimed.
“Okay bisexual. Don’t you think it’s an important subject you should
tell your ‘bestest’ friend about?”
“*What*” Spike yelled.
Xander smirked. “Don’t deny it. The other day you were talking about
a kiss with a guy that made you feel special.”
Spike was startled and didn’t have anything to say. “He was Angel,
right?” Xander asked softly.
“No,” Spike said stiffly.
Xander bemused. “But you told me the only person you loved when you
were human was Cecily and that you never loved any human as a vampire except
Buffy; and they’re both women, and you talked about yellow eyes so it has
to be Angel.”
“Not Angel, mate. Angelus.” Spike pushed his hands into his duster.
“Angelus?” Xander echoed with amazement. “You were in love with *Angelus*!”
Spike sighed dreamily. “Yeah, my best twenty years were with him.”
“I can’t believe you loved Angelus. I mean could that guy love any
thing?”
Spike grimaced. “That Angelus you met wasn’t my Angelus. Mine was caring
– if not about others, bout his childer- possessively loving, and didn’t
want the world sucked into hell!”
Spike lowered his voice “My Angelus would’ve never done those things
to me, he loved me; I was his favored.”
Xander shook his head. “Wow, seems all my best friends turn gay. Who
knows maybe if Buffy and Jesse were alive they’d have turned gay, too.”
Spike laughed. “I’m not gay, mate. Vampires don’t stick to any gender.
Could shag a tree if I wan.t”
“Ah, first, Eww. Second, do you still love Angelus?”
Spike thought. “Yes, I think I do.”
“What about Angel?”
Spike scowled. “I’ve never loved that poof. He left me and Dru, his
childer, he was supposed to protect us, be there for us but he left. Never
cared about us, never knew us. He’s my sire, he should’ve known me better,
should’ve understood me better.”
Xander stared at Spike for a moment. He remembered the night at the
cemetery when Spike broke down. The vampire’s words sounding in his head
~ “He doesn’t believe me? Why can’t he believe me?” ~ The *he* Spike was
talking about was Angel, there’s no doubt. ~
~Angel or Angelus, Spike is in love with that vampire. I can see the
fire in his eyes, the hurt from what Angel had done to him, from not believing
him. If only I could make him admit it ~
“Um Spike, maybe Angel was too confused with the soul so he didn’t
know what he was doing to you and Drusilla.”
“There is no excuse for what he did. He’s our sire; he should’ve been
with us,” Spike huffed.
“Okay maybe if you told him what you told me he’d say he’s sorry.”
“It’s not that simple, mate.” He remembered that night when he and
Angel were standing in front of Buffy’s grave. How Angel misunderstood
him. ~ And I'm surprised by this? That's the poof I'm talking about 'ere!
'e didn't even bother to come when 'e heard about the chip! Just like he
did a century ago, not cared about me, just left! That fucking soul didn't
make him good in my book. ~
“Maybe you should…”
“No!” Spike snapped. “Do you hear me? No!”
Xander stared at Spike in shock before he nodded and looked ahead.
Spike bit his lip regretfully. “I’m sorry, mate. I didn’t mean to…”
Xander shook his head. “No, it’s understandable. I shouldn’t have pushed.”
He gave the blonde a reassuring smile, before they heard Giles. “We’re
here.”
They turned their eyes toward the old high school. ~ Here goes the
big show, hope it won’t take long ~ Spike thought.
~~~*~~~
“Xander, duck!” Spike yelled from behind, “Red, don’t give up on us
now you’re doing great!” Playing the role of moral support and look out
since he was not needed yet. “Dawn, right hand!”
It seemed that the wizards had been working out, the three where so
strong together that Giles and the witches were weakening them one at a
time. Anya blacked out a while ago soon later Dawn followed, Spike made
sure they were ok before turning back to the battle. Two were down with
Giles and the girls passed out from the exertion, Xander faced the last
one before he too was down for the count.
“One survived. One is all that is needed. My brothers see me complete
what you died to finish end at my hands,” The last stood at the opening
mouth, mumbling. Spike couldn’t identify pored from between his lips. The
earth shook ~ time for back up ~ Spike thought jumping into action remembering
Giles words last night ~ “if the Hellmouth opens the only way to close
it is by the one who opened it.” ~
Giles blearily opened his eyes to the sight of Spike running behind
the wizard and pushing him into the opening, Giles' cry was lost with Spike’s.
He tried to stand but the earth shook once more signaling the closing of
the Hellmouth. Finally the quake ended, Giles rushed to Spike’s side holding
him through his trembling. ~ Dear God! What shall I do? ~ Suddenly Spike
stopped and opened his eyes. “What the hell happened?”
~Part: 10~
Giles was at shock, he was sure that they would lose Spike tonight
and now he was more or less ok!
“That’s something I’d like to know as well,” Giles addressed the distraught
vampire “You touched that wizard, no offence Spike, but you should be dead.”
Spike remembering, “Oh! Well maybe the spell ended when the two others
died.”
“No the spell is individually cast. It would still work.”
“So what happened?”
“I have no idea,” they sat there among the rubble for a moment lost
in thought when a moan broke through their musings. Remembering the others,
they quickly stood up. Spike held Giles arm.
“Rupert?”
“Yes?”
“We don’t know what happened. I think we should tell the others my
explanation until we figure out what’s what, don’t you think?” Spike asked
almost pleadingly.
Giles stared at him confused. “Why?”
“Coz’ we don’t know ourselves and they’ve been through a lot just now.
I think it’s best if we wait before telling them. And maybe spare me some
scolding,” he said jokingly.
“And how do you see that?”
“When they find out I risked my unlife knowing that the spell didn’t
work with the other two dead, they won’t fault me as much,” Spike simply
said. Giles couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Well I think it is best until we find out what happened.”
“Thanks Rupert. And think about it, you’ll have months to shuffle through
books if you’re lucky.”
Giles rolled his eyes before he reached for Dawn who was moaning. Spike
went to check on Xander, who painfully opened his eyes. “S …Spike?”
“Here, mate” Spike was at his side in a heartbeat. “Spike,” Xander
murmured happily. “You’re alive?”
"Isn't it obvious?" Spike teased softly helping his friend up.
Xander panicked. “Anya, where’s Anya?” He tried to stand up, but felt
a major pain in his head and groaned. “Easy, mate,” Spike said as he caught
him. “The ex-demon is fine. Giles is helping her. Now let me help you up.”
There were no serious wounds on any of the Scoobies, only exhaustion
and a few minor scratches and head bumps. Helping them up to their feet,
they left the old high school.